There are headlines everywhere quoting David Geffen as saying, “My 20-year-old football player ex-boyfriend is stalking me.”  Let’s dissect this.  First, when was David Geffen born?  Sometime in the Paleozoic Age, I think (but only carbon dating could tell us for sure).  And if the tyke at 20 years old is an ex, how old was he when he was dating Geffen?  Clues come from the actual story.  The boyfriend, Jamie Kuntz, is a former North Dakota State College of Science student.  Way back in 2012, he was spotted kissing Geffen in the press box at the stadium.  When he was asked who the guy was, Kuntz said (and I quote), “He’s my grandfather.”  I know you all think I am an ageist pain in the ass, but can I just say one thing?  If someone you are dating is able to convince anyone that you are their grandparent, you’re TOO OLD to be dating them!  Frankly, I didn’t read any further to see how Grandpa Geffen claims he is being stalked.