I hate to make this all about me.  But, you know, the column is called Billy Masters, and I am Billy Masters.  For the time being, let’s put that aside.  You’d think, after all these years, I would have tackled every conceivable topic.  In fact, that’s what I thought while reading the old columns (which are on BillyMasters.com).  And yet, I don’t believe I’ve ever written a story about somebody being “fingered”.  Oh, yes, “fingered”.  Dare I say, we’re going to rectify that right now with not one, but two stories about fingering.  The first story comes from Big Brother.  Apparently, this guy named Austin “fingered” his girlfriend, Liz, during the live feed.  I checked out the footage and it does appear that Austin played a little hide and seek with a few digits – perhaps up to the elbow!

Fingering Story #2 (and that’s certainly the right name for it) comes from singer Morrissey.  Last week, he told Larry King that he was fingered by the TSA.  I’m shocked – and somewhat hurt.  I travel more than anyone I know.  And nobody has ever come close to my anus – well, not until we’ve left the ground and I’ve slid the word Ocupado into place.  Morrissey says, “I had been through the full scanner and the second bit, but then he went straight for my private bits and then put his finger down my rear cleavage.”  Welcome to the friendly skies, indeed.