“Dear World, I am leaving because I am bored.  I feel I have lived long enough.
I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool.  Good luck.”
– George Sanders‘ suicide note from 1972.  Well, after being married to two of the Gabor sisters,
I guess you could say he was ga-bored!

Those of us who came of age in the ’80s and ’90s became far too familiar with death – certainly more familiar than people in their 20s should be.  Living through that somewhat numbed me.  During the same time period, I dated an incredibly breathtaking man.  Early in our relationship, he admitted that he had attempted suicide.  When I asked why, he said, “Because I felt like a failure.”  I suspect the fact that he was able to share his story didn’t help.  When he actually did commit suicide years later, my sadness was mitigated by thoughts that he eventually succeeded.

I was thinking about this when I read about the suicide of gay writer, director and producer Fred Caruso.  Despite his credits, I’d never heard of him and don’t believe I’ve seen any of his work.  But based on his suicide note, I am now a fan.  I’d like to share one section here: “I have been incredibly lonely and at the same time – I hate being around people.  I hate meeting new people and I’m always waiting for someone to stab me in the back – lets just say I already have a whole culinary collection.  To be clear – I haven’t forgiven anyone.  All the grudges I’ve carried for years – I continue to carry.  To those people that I hate – I hope I have the ability to haunt you for the rest of your lives.”  If the goal of an artist’s life is to touch people, Fred can rest in peace.  He not only moved me, but made me laugh – something I hope I do with this column.  Bravo, Fred!  The only thing that could make me happier is if you actually CAN haunt those who have hurt you.  That would be swell.