It’s been an up-and-down couple of weeks for Ryan Lochte.  I know this will shock you, but I feel sorry for him.  Yes, he lied to his mom to cover up a wild night out, she blabbed to the press, and then he had to stand by the story publicly.  I’m not excusing him, but it’s not like he was Tonya Harding handing someone a crowbar!  A far greater crime was that terrible hair at the Olympics – someone ought to prosecute him for that.  But, no, the Brazilian authorities have summoned him back to Rio de Janeiro to face charges of false report of robbery.  Can’t he just send a check?  Hasn’t he been through enough?

In a smart move, Lochte has signed on to compete on the new season of Dancing with the Stars.  Unless he dances like Geraldo Rivera, he should be safe for a few weeks and maybe garner a bit of public support.  And he certainly needs a paycheck, since his four endorsement deals have fallen through.  But there’s some good news – Ryan has been signed as spokesperson for my cough drops of choice – Pine Bros. (you know, those ones that are so sticky, they will pull the crowns out of your mouth).  The cough drop company said, “Just as Pine Bros. is forgiving to your throat, the company asks the public for a little forgiveness for an American swimming legend”.  But I’ve come up with a better slogan – Coat your throat with Ryan Lochte and Pine Bros.