OH MY GOD!  You write a column, you send it off to the proofers, and then everything changes in a matter of seconds.  I’d love to blame crazy Faye Dunaway and doddering Warren Beatty.  But apparently they were given an envelope that said, “Best Actress – Emma Stone for La La Land“.  Warren didn’t know what to do, he looked at Faye (not known for being fast on her feet), and she said, La La Land.  Everyone from that film is giving speeches, my column is done, and – oh, wait – Jimmy Kimmel comes out to say there was a mistake.  Warren explains what happened and the Best Picture is really Moonlight.  Meanwhile, where the fuck is Faye?

I have a few other Oscar observations.  I found Jimmy Kimmel quite entertaining.  I loved seeing Shirley MacLaine rock out to Justin Timberlake.  Who knew Caitlyn Jenner had anything to do with the OJ documentary?  I could watch Meryl Streep eat Junior Mints all day.  You know Jennifer Aniston wants her sunglasses back.  I’m SO glad Zsa Zsa made the In Memoriam cut – although I’m sure someone wanted to put quotes around the term “actress”.  Honorary Oscar winner Lynn Stalmaster was the first casting director to pass on me.  That didn’t stop me from making a pass on his son, Lincoln.  Due to sealed court documents, I can’t say anything more – except when they call it a “gag order”, they ain’t kidding!