Airplane Hijinx
I recently flew non-stop from Miami back to Los Angeles for the obscene amount of $63. For this bargain fare, you don’t expect much – I’m surprised I even got a seat! But since I’m a loyal American Airlines flyer, I was given a window seat near the front of the plane. Surprisingly, the two seats next to me were empty – until the plane doors shut. Then, a lady of indeterminate age plopped into the aisle seat. “I hope you don’t mind, hon.” Since I had work to do, I didn’t care. She quickly downed a double vodka on the rocks, put on a sleeping mask, and passed out. I was so engrossed with my work, it was a couple of hours before I noticed she had taken off her sweatshirt. Yes, the woman next to me was clad in only a black bra! And, if I’m not mistaken, I could also glimpse a hint of areola.
Meanwhile across the pond, Madonna made headlines by allegedly flying coach from London to Lisbon. Well, that’s what we all heard, right? We saw the photo – it must be true. But I was struck by something interesting – Madge is in the window seat, someone is in the aisle seat, and the middle seat is empty. And she’s in the bulkhead. Having traveled extensively across the continent, I know that many smaller airlines consider “premium” to be up by the front with an empty middle seat. Sure enough, we found out that Air Portugal short-haul flights are on planes where all of the seats are identical, but with two classes of service. Their “Executive” section is the front seats with an empty middle seat – and you get a full meal. So for all the chatter about Madonna not being a Material Girl, she paid at least $500 for a seat a few rows closer to the front than people who paid less than $100. So, to recap, I paid far less to go much farther than Madonna. At least we both kept our tops on.
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