Airplane Hijinx

I recently flew non-stop from Miami back to Los Angeles for the obscene amount of $63.  For this bargain fare, you don’t expect much – I’m surprised I even got a seat!  But since I’m a loyal American Airlines flyer, I was given a window seat near the front of the plane.  Surprisingly, the two seats next to me were empty – until the plane doors shut.  Then, a lady of indeterminate age plopped into the aisle seat.  “I hope you don’t mind, hon.”  Since I had work to do, I didn’t care.  She quickly downed a double vodka on the rocks, put on a sleeping mask, and passed out.  I was so engrossed with my work, it was a couple of hours before I noticed she had taken off her sweatshirt.  Yes, the woman next to me was clad in only a black bra!  And, if I’m not mistaken, I could also glimpse a hint of areola.

Meanwhile across the pond, Madonna made headlines by allegedly flying coach from London to Lisbon.  Well, that’s what we all heard, right?  We saw the photo – it must be true.  But I was struck by something interesting – Madge is in the window seat, someone is in the aisle seat, and the middle seat is empty.  And she’s in the bulkhead.  Having traveled extensively across the continent, I know that many smaller airlines consider “premium” to be up by the front with an empty middle seat.  Sure enough, we found out that Air Portugal short-haul flights are on planes where all of the seats are identical, but with two classes of service.  Their “Executive” section is the front seats with an empty middle seat – and you get a full meal.  So for all the chatter about Madonna not being a Material Girl, she paid at least $500 for a seat a few rows closer to the front than people who paid less than $100.  So, to recap, I paid far less to go much farther than Madonna.  At least we both kept our tops on.

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