Battle of the Bulges

There’s been a flurry of penis activity around the world.  First came the war between the owners of the world’s largest and second-largest penii.  The largest one is possessed by Roberto Esquivel Cabrera in Mexico and, since I know my audience, I’ll start off by telling you it measures in at 18.9 inches.  The reason his personal stats have gone public is because the Mexican government has recognized him as disabled due to his ponderous prick.  “I cannot wear a uniform like anybody in the companies.  I cannot run fast and so the companies think badly of me.  They say that they will call me but they never do.”  He has refused to get a “reduction” because he hopes to start a career in the porn industry.  “Also I cannot get on my knees.”  Well, that limits his earnings potential exponentially.  Is there much demand for porn featuring a 54-year-old Mexican with the world’s largest penis?  I have my doubts.

The owner of the world’s second-largest penis is crying foul.  American Jonah Falcon has a 13.5-inch penis – and I can attest to that (quell surprise)!  Jonah says Roberto cheated!  “The man stretched his foreskin constantly, from what I understand, but it’s normal underneath.  I think it’s ridiculous and he seems kind of desperate.”

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