Billy Does the Golden Globes

I am by nature not a complainer – particularly when it comes to travel.  I do so much of it, I’ve learned to just go with the flow.  But last week, the flow was frozen and I was stuck in Boston during Grayson – which, alas, was the name of the blizzard and not some Brit I was buggering!  Frankly, when I want a blizzard, I’ll go to Dairy Queen.  Normally, I would have taken the travel voucher AA was offering and flown back when the dust…er, the snow settled.  But, honey, I had to get to the Golden Globes.  And not any Golden Globes – these were the 75th Golden Globes.  It will also come as no surprise to you that I eschewed all this fake social activism and showed up in PLATINUM!  Why?  Obviously, because the 75th anniversary is the platinum one.  And, far be it from me to cast aspersions (or, for that matter, dispersions) on the celebrities who claim to wear their hearts on their darkened sleeves, but since when is it unusual for people to wear black to an awards show?  Solidarity, my ass!

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By now you all know who won the awards.  So I will move along to my random impressions.  Maybe it’s just me, but when the long tribute to Kirk Douglas started, I thought perhaps it was the “In Memoriam” segment.  Turns out, they brought the legendary actor onstage – with daughter-in-law Catherine Zeta Douglas Spartacus Jones.  While I appreciate the sentiment, it was a spooky sight – and I’m talking about Catherine!

There was then the instance when Mariah Carey stole Meryl Streep’s seat.  It was during the chaos which happens when the telecast returns from a commercial break.  Apparently Mariah had gone to the ladies room and simply took the first empty seat she saw – which happened to be next to Stephen Spielberg (imagine his surprise when he looked over and saw those Golden Globes).  Carey later Tweeted, “Dear Meryl, please forgive me!!!”  Meanwhile, I don’t believe Barbra apologized to Gayle, who apparently was her seat filler until it was time for Oprah’s award.

During another commercial break, Tonya Harding convinced Margot Robbie to introduce her to Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson.  Robbie not only complied, but even took a photo of the skater and the power couple.  While I love Tonya, am I the only one who thought Zac Efron appeared visibly afraid sitting next to her?  The moment the awards ended, he quickly disappeared into the crowd and put on a pair of sunglasses.  An undeterred Tonya then latched onto a far more appropriate mate – director Tommy Wiseau, the subject of The Disaster ArtistSebastian Stan photographed the two at an after party.  As my friend said, “Crazy knows crazy”.

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Meanwhile, HBO‘s after party never disappoints.  Premier party planner Billy Butchkavitz put on quite a sumptuous soirée.  I walked in as Kathy and Rick Hilton were leaving (Paris and fiancé Chris Zylka showed up shortly thereafter).  I was catching up with Carmen Electra while Jack McBrayer, who played Kenneth on 30 Rock, was animatedly chatting with Alexander Skarsgard – at one point holding the Big Little Lies star’s Golden Globe.  The place was buzzing when Ricky Martin strolled in with his American Crime Story co-star, Edgar Ramirez

Across the room, Nicole Kidman appeared trapped in conversation with Buzz Aldrin.  At a certain point, a desperate appearing Kidman dragged in hubby Keith Urban.  The trio posed for some photos and then Nicole deftly disappeared, leaving Urban to chat with the famed astronaut and former Dancing with the Stars competitor.  This brings up an unrelated point – does Kidman even remember that she adopted two children with Tom Cruise?  She’s always thanking her girls with Urban and never even mentions Connor and Isabella.  Just strange.

Then, the most bizarre thing happened.  As I was about to leave the HBO party, in walked Mariah Carey.  It took me a moment to realize it was her, as my companion kept saying, “Mimi.  It’s Mimi”.  I had no idea what he meant.  Then he said, “Butterfly”, and I knew.  She had beau Bryan Tanaka in tow, along with a coterie of goons to keep the songstress away from the crowd – or so I thought.  After a bit, she was posing with fans and holding court on the side of the dance floor.  Her visit was short-lived.  As she left, I managed to catch her attention and say I was about to bring her some hot tea.  “Darling, I could have used some hot tea!”  Perhaps.  But I think if Mimi took even a sip of water, that skin-tight dress may have burst and taken out everyone’s eyes.  All in all, it was a fun night.

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