I’ve written extensively about the almost excruciating Glamorous on Netflix.  No amount of Cattrall or flashing abs could save this poorly executed show.  But it did give Miss Benny a moment in the sun.  Benny plays Marco, Cattrall’s flamboyant assistant that apparently no circuit boy can resist.  Turns out that prior to Glamorous, Benny appeared on Fuller House and, well, he says it wasn’t a great experience:  “One of the Tanner sisters is very publicly ‘not for the girls’, if that makes sense.  I remember I got sat down by the writers and the studio to basically warn me how this person allegedly wanted the character removed, and not to have a gay character on the show.”  While Benny doesn’t name anyone specifically, it’s clearly about Candace Cameron Bure – and she was not having it.  “I never asked Miss Benny’s character to be removed from Fuller House and did not ask the writers, producers or studio executives to not have queer characters on the show.”  She goes on to wish Benny “only the best” – in that way Southern women add, “Bless your heart!”

I’m torn.  On one hand, I believe in the judicial system – believe me, I do.  On the other hand, I believe in my gut instincts.  And if I had to bet my life on one or the other, I’d choose my instincts every time.  For instance, there are certain celebrities who are plagued with rumors.  One might say that if Mr. X were really gay, wouldn’t there be some proof?  On the other hand, proof or not, I believe what I believe.

This brings us to Kevin Spacey.  For years, everyone whispered that he was gay.  There was no proof – until he opened the Tony Awards dressed as Norma Desmond and sang, “I’m coming out…”.  Looking back, the apotheosis of his career also began his downfall.  Seeing him up there prompted Anthony Rapp to come forward with his story, which led to Spacey admitting that he’s gay.  This led to Rapp’s lawsuit, which gave scores of lads in the UK license to also come forward.  And here we are.

What does it mean that Spacey was found not guilty in those cases?  And what does this judicial win mean for his career?  He’s claimed there were several people in England waiting to hire him once the trial was over.  Let’s see how many offer him employment.  What about the court of public opinion?  He may get work, but will anyone care?  When he was found “not guilty”, Kevin wept openly, saying, “I am humbled by the outcome.”  And we’re back where we started.  Does a not guilty verdict change anyone’s mind?  Does that mean Spacey is actually innocent?  I will remind you that OJ Simpson was also found not guilty.

We can slip in a quick Ask Billy question.  Robbie in Dallas writes, “I read a headline that Tom Holland is having gay sex on some series.  What show is it?”

That would be the Apple TV+ series The Crowded Room.  Holland having very hot gay sex has taken some of his fans aback – in fact, Tom took it from aback, but that’s another story.  It’s amusing to note that this makes him the third Spiderman to play with other boys – following in the footsteps of Andrew Garfield and Tobey Maguire.  Now, if we could only get them to play with each other.  Until then, you can check out Tom’s sizzling same-sex scene (complete with goth makeup) on BillyMasters.com.

Proving once again that the gays are ahead of trends, this week we have a straight divorce – and it’s a doozy.  Sofia Vergara and Joe Manganiello have announced that they are splitting up.  This doesn’t come as a complete surprise, since Sofia was recently photographed celebrating her 51^st birthday on the Isle of Capri in Italy…sans Manganiello.  While we’re sorry to hear this news, I wouldn’t be sad if a video from their honeymoon were to leak.

And, because it’s not a trend unless there’s more than one, Ariana Grande is also getting a divorce.  She was married?  News to me.  I thought she was 12!  And she’s already bounced back and is bouncing on Wicked co-star Ethan Slater.  I guess she really is Frankie’s sister!

The American Repertory Theater (ART) in Cambridge has brought numerous shows to Broadway – including the Tony-winning Porgy and Bess and Pippin.  Whether their current revival of Evita ends up on the Great White Way remains to be seen.  I’m always grateful to hear this score – despite the Muzak-esque orchestrations that have plagued most productions since the otherwise revelatory UK revival of 2009.  While the physical production has merits (including a sumptuous opening to Act 2), a little neon goes a long way.  The choreography is terrific and fills in some of the gaps of the story (including a lurid rape scene reminiscent of Aldonza in Man of La Mancha).  Still, there is a cool detachment pervading the entire show.  The best all-around performance came from Perón himself, Caesar Samayoa.  His mistress, Naomi Serrano, scored with her brief but heartfelt moment in the sun. 

I’ve criticized virtually every production of Evita I’ve seen for casting someone with a little pipsqueak voice in the title role.  ART’s Shereen Pimentel has no such problem.  On a scale of one to ten, her performance hovers around a 15.  It’s always 11 o’clock for Shereen!  And that’s a problem.  There is a sizeable lack of nuance and finesse in her portrayal.  The 25-year-old has an impressive vocal instrument, but it’s all very one-note – aside from the last 10 minutes, which shows she has range.  While “You Must Love Me” is a nice tune, it’s always felt out of place in this score – and was clearly written for an Evita with no high notes.  Having Che modeled less on Guevara himself and more as a follower of Perón on his own journey is a fascinating idea, and one that Omar Lopez-Cepero (and his double) execute well.  As a singer, he makes little presence and is a few notes shy on either end of the role’s range.  This is not without precedent.  Ricky Martin had the same problem in the 2012 Broadway revival, but had enough charisma to compensate.  All in all, this production has merit – but I’m not sure if it has enough to merit a Broadway revival.  It closes in Cambridge (AmericanRepertoryTheater.org) on July 30^th and plays the Shakespeare Theatre Company in Washington D.C. (ShakespeareTheatre.org) September 5^th through October 8^th.

Billy’s summer of love continues chugging along.  By the time you read this, I’ll be in Fort Lauderdale burning my buns – that’ll teach me to not take the option at a Clothing Optional resort.  Getting this far into summer without need of any pills, ointments or other pharmaceutical aids is not only a credit to my constitution, but also to my endurance.  I proved that last week in Provincetown…and I managed to catch a few more shows as well!

In residence at the Post Office Café and Cabaret is the legendary Randy Roberts, celebrating his 25^th anniversary in Ptown.  Yes, both Cher and Bette are back.  Even better – Randy is back, and in peak form.  The show is called Aging Dis-Gracefully, but there is nothing disgraceful about it.  It’s one of his best, with scads of new material and just a smattering of some old favorites.  Things kick off with some original songs which landed triumphantly, including a ditty about Governor Ron DeSantis which is as sharp as Randy’s cheekbones.  While it doesn’t matter, Randy looks even better out of drag – and I hear he’s single, for you tourists looking for a roll in the hay.  He can be found online at RandyRoberts.net.  For more info on all of the Post Office shows, go to PostOfficeCafe.net.

I also caught John Hill’s act at the Post Office.  Those of you familiar with Andy Cohen will know John from…well, from Andy’s past, and also his radio show.  I, of course, go back even further with John.  From the original company of Hairspray, the Broadway production of The Boy from Oz and the off-Broadway company of Bare, John Hill has got chops.  While he’ll claim not to be a triple threat, he’s a hoofer from way back.  You could say he’s a hoofer with a heart of gold.  His solo show featured some original songs and some amusing anecdotes.  He’s as likeable as he is lickable, so check him out should he come to a venue near you.  Oh, did we mention we have a naughty photo of Hill showing his meat?  Or is it one of his potatoes?  At BillyMasters.com.

Then I sauntered over to the Provincetown Art House to see The New Belters – otherwise known as Nicolas King and Seth Sikes.  In the past 9 months since they started this venture, their show has grown exponentially.  The harmonies are tighter and there is a natural ease to their partnership.  Of course, the vocals are impeccable – Nicolas being more a soulful crooner, while Seth is more a plaintive balladeer.  The luxury of having Billy Stritch not only on the keyboard but contributing a third harmony vocal line was heavenly.  They did a brief but striking recreation of Liza’s memorable performance of Sondheim’s “Back in Business” which you can see on BillyMasters.com.  Their two shows at the Ptown Art House had the capacity audiences cheering effusively.  You can find info on each of their individual websites.  Of course, the Ptown Art House lineup is on PtownArtHouse.com.

My final official performance of the week was seeing the incomparable Jackie Beat!  The dynamic diva is on tour celebrating her 60^th birthday with a show entitled Sexty.  I don’t know if I’ve ever heard her in better voice.  Truly, she seemed to have lungs of steel – but enough about her sex life!  Her three-night stint at Ptown’s Red Room was sold out well in advance, and the capacity crowd ate her up with a spoon – again, enough about her sex life!  As to the new material – well, how can you not love a song that rhymes “famous” with “anus”?  I particularly enjoyed “I’m Not a Groomer” and “Careless Fister”.  Oh, that Jackie is a subtle minx.  She’s in the midst of a tour, and you can see her full schedule at MissJackieBeat.com.  The venue’s schedule is at RedRoom.club.

I would be remiss not to mention that the Gifford House in Provincetown is under new ownership, and they reopened the downstairs nightclub, Purgatory.  This means the weekly underwear parties are back on Saturday night.  If there’s a hot guy in town, he’s there – and wearing next to nothing.  Why, over July 4^th, I saw porn stud Austin Wolf with someone roughly half his size.  I had a fleeting thought that perhaps Purgatory brought back their popular Dwarf-Tossing Nights – but I doubt that would fly (so to speak) in these woke days.  Austin’s friend  turned out to be someone named Damien who has an OnlyFans page…which you must be thistall to check out.  Although I suspect he’ll ride anyone of any size!  For all Purgatory events, check out GiffordsProvincetown.com.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Gerry in Maine: “I just saw an Armani commercial and one of the models looked like Lukas Gage.  Is it him?”

You’ve got a good eye.  That is indeed Lukas frolicking with three other models in a commercial for Acqua di Gio by Armani.  Should you be interested, those other models are Chase Stokes, Jonathan Daviss and Michael Evans Behling.  And there’s a whole lotta abs, as you can see on BillyMasters.com.

When we have an item that looks as good as it smells, it’s time to end another column.  I want to take a moment and acknowledge the passing of trailblazing actor, Jeffrey Carlson.  He was riveting on Broadway in The Goat and Taboo, to say nothing of his groundbreaking work as a trans character on All My Children.  Details of his passing are unknown, but he was 48.  Closer to home, I must announce the peaceful passing of my papillon, Li Li.  She was just a couple weeks shy of 16…which is an amazing run for a dog.  You won’t find any dogs on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that sniffs out the best.  If you have a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I’ll get back to you before anything else lands in our lap!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

How many of you are watching Stars on Mars?  Anyone?  Don’t I always say that words matter?  These people are not stars, and they’re not on Mars.  But apparently Lance Armstrong and his single testicle are on the show, discussing trans athletes competing in sports.  “Listen, this is real simple: You want to transition, let’s do it.  You have your own category.  We’re gonna have a whole new division.  We’ll celebrate you just like we celebrate everyone else.  Let’s go.  What’s unfair about that?”  Tinashe (another “star”) said, “To me, I think we just have to care about if you otherize people.  It’s not good for their mental health.”  Ariel Winter (finally, a name I recognize) said, “You’re ostracizing the people who don’t fit in the categories” – which I don’t think Lance is doing.  He’s saying create a new category.  Olympian Adam Rippon said he found Lance’s comments “so disheartening”.

Back on Earth, cyclist Na Hwa-rin called for the need of a “third gender” in sports – didn’t Lance Armstrong just do that?  Na, who was born male, won Korea’s Gangwon Sports Festival in the female category.  Hwa-rin is described as having a skeletal muscle mass of 32.7 kilograms, which is said to be about a dozen kilograms more than a typical female athlete.  When asked about the win, Na said, “My goal was to stir controversy…I am not proud of myself at all.”  Na believes that being born male provides “physical superiority” against biologically born female competitors.  Hwa-rin added that if a third gender category were created, “we allow more people to compete in sports and let them live their dreams.”

As we went to press, the Union Cycliste Internationale (UCI) issued a new policy barring trans women from competing in the “Women” category if they “transitioned after (male) puberty”.  This is based on scientific research, which cannot guarantee that genetic men those who transitioned after puberty do not have a physical advantage.  Those cyclists will still be able to compete – but in category now called “Men/Open”.

Then there’s Studio 8 Hair Lab – which sounds like a place curing cancer!  This Michigan salon has ruffled more than a few feathers after posting the following on their Facebook page: “If a human identifies as anything other than a man/woman please seek services at a local pet groomer.  You are not welcome at this salon.  Period.”  The owner, Christine Geiger, later said that LGB clients are welcome – “the rest of it is not something I support”.  She added, “This stance was taken to insure that clients have the best experience and I am admitting that since I am not willing to play the pronoun game or cater to requests outside of what I perceive as normal this probably isn’t the best option for that type of client.”  I can agree with that last part – if you are a “T”, why would you want to go there?

Usually in the summer, we can take it easy and things land in our lap.  Let others do the work, I always say.  But not this week.  We’ve got more stories than you could shake a dick at!  We recently told you about a woman who accused a popular BBC host of paying her son huge sums of money for explicit photos.  She didn’t name the host, but we now know he is Huw Edwards, the BBC’s highest-paid presenter.  In a twist not even I saw coming, the 61-year-old news anchor did not reveal himself – his wife did!  Vicky Flind, who has been married to Huw since 1993, released this statement: “In light of the recent reporting regarding the ‘BBC Presenter’ I am making this statement on behalf of my husband Huw Edwards, after what have been five extremely difficult days for our family.  I am doing this primarily out of concern for his mental well-being and to protect our children.”  Huw is currently in a “facility” after having suffered a “serious episode”.  The BBC is continuing their internal investigation while the police have opted to not bring any criminal charges against Huw…for now.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Ed in Dallas: “What is going on in England?  You wrote that story about the morning TV host who was dating a teenage boy.  Now some other host paid a teen boy for nude photos.”

A woman made this shocking claim against a BBC presenter (TV or radio unspecified): “There were huge sums, hundreds, or thousands of pounds at a time…The money had been in exchange for sexually explicit photographs of my child.”  The unnamed boy was allegedly 17 when this started (it is illegal in the UK “to make, distribute, possess or show any indecent images of anyone aged under 18” – he’s 20 now) and made close to $50K.  Mum produced bank records proving the payments, which she claims fueled her son’s crack cocaine addiction.  The host has also not been disclosed, but has been described as a “household name” who was recently taken off the air.  The public is now playing Name That Host.  First guess was Rylan Clark.  “Not sure why my names floating about but re that story in the sun – that ain’t me babe.  I’m Currently filming a show in Italy for the bbc, so take my name out ya mouths.”  Jeremy Vine says, “I’m very much looking forward to hosting my radio show on Monday – whoever the ‘BBC Presenter’ in the news is, I have the same message for you as Rylan did earlier: it certainly ain’t me.”  Gary Lineker posted, “Hate to disappoint the haters but it’s not me.”  Lastly, Nicky Campbell struck out at the haters: “I think it’s important to take a stand.  There’s just too many of these people on social media.  Thanks for your support friends.”

When I have a blind item courtesy of the Beeb, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Since we ran long, let me direct you to www.BillyMasters.com – the site that never scrimps on size.  If you have a question, send it to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I’ll get back to you before the next gay divorce!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

We’ve had a spate of gay breakups that make one take pause – depersonally, if possible.  Most notable is Ricky Martin and Jwan Yosef, who are divorcing after six years.  “We have decided to end our marriage with love, respect and dignity for our children and honoring what we have experienced as a couple all these wonderful years.”  How many publicists and lawyers did it take to craft that?  Not that I don’t believe the sentiment, but the legalese is thick.  Other reports claim the relationship was “open”…lest we forget the nephew’s allegations.  Going back to the official release, it mentions Ricky had twin boys 11 years prior to marrying Jwan – “whom he will continue to raise as a single parent”.  So Jwan was married to a man with kids ages 9 through 15 but wasn’t a parent?  Skeptical.

Then there is Billy Porter’s break with Adam Smith.  The press seems fascinated that they married after a two-week engagement – like they’re Kardashians!  To be accurate, the couple dated for a year back in 2009.  For whatever reason, it didn’t work out.  Then in 2015, they reunited, dated for almost two years, and then got engaged and married a fortnight later.  “The decision was an amicable and mutual one and made after much consideration,” says publicist Simon Halls – enough said!  I couldn’t help but note that both these breakups happened after six years of marriage.  The straights have the seven-year itch.  Maybe we gays figure it out quicker!

Let’s talk for a moment about mental illness – which is no joking matter.  And I know this because I, your humble scribe, have been touched by mental disorders.  Never forget – everyone has something.  Acknowledging it is the first step.  And yet, I was still taken aback when Bowen Yang admitted that he is suffering from “bad bouts of depersonalization”.  I thought that was when you ask a jeweler to erase an engraving before you re-gift!  But here is how the Mayo Clinic defines depersonalization disorder: “When you persistently or repeatedly have the feeling that you’re observing yourself from outside your body or you have a sense that things around you aren’t real.”  How does that apply to you?  Imagine you get to have sex with someone out of your league and you can’t believe it’s happening.  Or perhaps see yourself having sex in an overhead mirror.  That’s depersonalization.  Admittedly, it’s not always quite so titillating.  But the point is, Bowen is getting help.

If it’s July 4^th in the US of A, it’s Billy in Provincetown.  This year, our nation’s birthday was marred by bad weather, not unlike when Washington crossed the Delaware (which I suspect had just as much debauchery).  But the rain did not dampen my spirits when it came to shows and sex and such.  Given my unique perspective, let me suggest what you should be seeing should you venture to our little fishing village on the edge of forever.

This will be the last season for the Provincetown Art House – at least under the aegis of Mark Cortale.  But he’s certainly going out with a bang.  I zipped into town in time to see Max von Essen, ably accompanied by the legendary Billy Stritch.  As I thought about my review while sitting in the darkened venue, I ran out of superlatives.  Obviously, Max is attractive.  He’s charming.  He’s personable.  He sings like a dream.  He moves with ease.  He, in short, is the whole package – and let us not even discuss his package.  From the lowest notes of his range, to the top (so to speak), the voice is perfectly placed and borders on luxurious.  More than anything else, Max knows how to use his lyrics to tell a story – and chooses material ideally suited for his abundant gifts.  And I am not exaggerating.  Go see him whenever you can.  The rest of this season can be found at PtownArtHouse.com.

Then there’s Varla Jean Merman.  You will not find a stronger, more talented performer anywhere in the world.  What Varla does is something nobody else could do – marry impeccable vocals with ideal timing and outrageous material.  She will deliver a joke or a premise and you will think it couldn’t be funnier – and then she’ll top herself…something hard to do in Ptown, a city with nary a top in sight!  Merman’s show this year, Stand By Your Drag, is timely with all the anti-drag legislation.  The material is fresh, the original songs are tuneful, and the lyrics are laden with single, double, and even triple entendres.  She’s at the Crown & Anchor, which is one-stop-shopping for your gaycation needs.  Check out their fully-packed schedule at OnlyAtTheCrown.com.

I then sauntered over to the Post Office Café and Cabaret, but only partook of the Cabaret portion (I will return for the Café).  First up was the hysterical Judy Gold, whose new show is called Everything Hurts Everywhere All At Once.  She’s one of those rare comics who can seamlessly weave spontaneous banter with the audience amongst tried and true material.  If there’s someone funnier, smarter, and with more charisma – I’ve not met them.  Always provocative, always hysterical, and always delivers.  She is only performing Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays, with tickets at PostOfficeCafe.net.

Also at the Post Office is Schartt$ Creek – a parody of Schitt’s Creek.  This is an alternate ending by writer and performer Jamie Morris (of Mommie Queerest fame), who plays Moira.  And it’s a HOOT!  Actually it’s a hoot and a half, but I’m not sure how that translates for our metric-crazed Canadians.  Nonetheless, I highly recommend checking it out on Sundays, Wednesdays and Saturday.

Our Ask Billy question comes from a fan of Ms. Cattrall.  George in Atlanta writes, “I was excited that you wrote about Glamorous – even if you didn’t recommend it.  I watched the whole series in one evening and was curious about the guys who played Parker and Chad.  They’re mega-hot!”

To be fair, I thought the show improved as it dragged on – but I still wish they gave poor Kim something to do.  As to the men, there’s Graham Parkhurst, who played Parker (and probably Peter).  He’s Canadian, openly gay and seems to be very available for your dining, dancing, and dating pleasure.  Then there’s the always appealing Zane Phillips, who you might remember from Fire Island.  I’m sad to tell you he is no longer on the market.  He’s dating Froy Gutierrez, from Teen Wolf, Cruel Summer, and even Hocus Pocus 2.  The twosome were spied somewhat low-key at the Glamorous premiere, causing more than a few tongues to wag.  However, they used NYC Pride to go public in a big way.  They not only posed for photos, but were captured in a steamy lip lock, all of which can be seen on BillyMasters.com.

When Zane is the less odd name in a couple, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Proving that I’m made of stronger stuff than most men, I’m following up my month abroad with a week in Provincetown – God help me!  I’m keeping myself busy with lots of shows, sights and sex (not necessarily in that order).  When I finish filling in the tourists, I’ll fill you in on my exploits on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that always plays safe.  If you have a need that requires personal attention, drop a note to me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I’ll do my best to pencil you in before Bear Week!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Sarah Jessica Parker may be returning to another of her former roles.  We hear that a third Hocus Pocus flick could well be in the works.  According to rumors, Walt Disney Pictures president Sean Bailey would like to fast-track another installment and has put the project in development.  There have been rumors that the next chapter could revolve around the new witches introduced in the recent sequel.  Of course, that was the plan for the last film – until the original trio agreed to reunite at reduced rates.  Yes, once again, Bette has been marked down by Disney.

Turning to her current project, SJP found a way to get in front of Kim Cattrall’s cameo on And Just Like That….  You’ll recall that none of the AJLT co-stars had any idea Cattrall was even shooting a scene.  Kim was more direct about how it came to be during an appearance on The View.  “It’s very interesting to get a call from the head of HBO saying, ‘What can we do?’  And I went, ‘Hmm, let me get creative.’  And one of those things was to get [costume designer] Pat Field back, because I just thought that if I’m going to come back, I gotta come back with that Samantha style.  I gotta push it.”  Parker was quick to put her own spin on the situation.  “We’ve been really thoughtful about the ways in which we’ve, you know, approached characters that haven’t been around, the ways we have invited actors back, and it’s been, you know, really fun and exciting and certainly nostalgic.  But I think, more than that, it’s been a lot of joy.”  Yes, being told after the fact that Kim filmed a scene on a secret set…that’s my definition of joy!

Ryan Seacrest continues his quest for world domination by taking the reigns of the popular game show Wheel of Fortune.  Yes, once Pat Sajak retires at the end of next season, Ryan will host the show, which kinda makes sense since it was created by his former “mentor”, Merv Griffin.  But what will happen to Vanna?  Ryan went out of his way to say, “I can’t wait to continue the tradition of spinning the wheel and working alongside the great Vanna White.”  Nice words, but it’s not a done deal.  Yes, White has an additional year on her contract, but she’s also secured the services of a lawyer to get what is being called “pay equality”.  Apparently, she gets one-fifth of Sajak’s salary (she gets $3 million to his $15 million).  Adding insult to injury, Vanna has not had a raise in 18 years.  To be fair, I believe that’s when she stopped actually turning letters!

Pride Month ended with a thud in San Francisco.  For years, Google has sponsored a series of LGBT events and this year, planned to close out Pride Month with a Pride and Drag Show at Beaux, a local bar.  Then a coalition of Christian employees circulated a petition claiming it was offensive to their religion – because we all remember the passage where Jesus chastised the apostles for lip-synching for their lives!  The group had a strong argument since headlining the event was drag legend Peaches Christ – whose appearance was called “a direct affront to the religion beliefs and sensitivities of Christians”.  Alas, the team that planned the event neglected to go through the company’s “standard events process” – whatever that means.  Google quickly distanced themselves from the show and planned a competing event in the office.  However, many employees still went to the drag show – and “Booed”.  After the fact, Peaches said, “This thing that happened with Google, unfortunately for this event, is actually indicative of a huge groundswell of hatred across the country using drag queens and trans people as scapegoats.”  Oh my!  As if drag and trans weren’t enough, now we’re bringing in goats!?  Well, it is San Francisco.

Congrats to Luke Macfarlane who just had his first child with partner Hig Roberts. Who knew Luke had a partner? Hands? Or that his name is Hig? And, trust me – spellcheck still doesn’t believe I’ve got that right. Luke posted this on Instagram: “Tess Eleanor Macfarlane – Born June 4th, 2023. We started life with some hectic days and received world class care. On Father’s Day we got to take her home. Her Dads can’t wait to introduce her to all the remarkable people and the beautiful world we live in.” I’m not complaining, but I always find it amusing when a hot guy takes off his shirt for a photo with his newborn – as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

In lieu of an Ask Billy question, we want to congratulate Mark MacKillop, a frequent contributor to Billy Masters LIVE. The talented hoofer (not from Broadway…yet) has made history as the highest fundraiser for Broadway Bares for the SIXTH year in a row. This year, he set the lofty goal of wanting to break $100K, and raised over $120K!! This means that, to date, he has single-handedly brought in more than $392,168 for the fight against AIDS. All I did was sleep with a few hundred guys – and nobody gave me a cent (well, there was that one guy who gave me a pencil after I patted his dog). Congrats, Mark!

The Kennedy Center just announced that Queen Latifah, Billy Crystal, Barry Gibb, Dionne Warwick and soprano Renée Fleming will be the 2023 honorees. Somewhere, Liza is wondering how many gay men she has to marry before anyone honors her!

Just when you think you’ve heard it all, out comes a disproven chestnut from the past – and from a presidential hopeful, no less! In an unearthed clip, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. says this: “The virus is a passenger virus, and these people are dying mainly because of poppers. A hundred percent of the people who died in the first thousand [with] AIDS were people who were addicted to poppers, which are known to cause Kaposi sarcoma in rats.” I suppose there is some connection – kinda like saying the Jews died because they took too many showers!

Let’s turn to a domestic TV host, Kelly Ripa. Actually, we’re turning to her sexy hubby, Mark Consuelos. Certainly Mark is too old for the Schofield chaps, but he’s perfect for me. Recently, Mark went to work out with his Italian soccer team. Let me stop right there, because I know what you’re thinking. Yes, Mark and Kelly are co-owners of an Italian soccer team. Strike that – two Italian soccer teams! Campobasso 1919 and Ascoli FC. I know all about these teams because…well, I slept with a lot of athletes in Italy. Mark was working out with one of his two soccer teams and got injured. I believe the explanation was that someone pulled his groin – but my Italian is rusty. While he was being inspected by the doctor (at least they said he was a doctor), Mark’s crotchal area had to be digitally scrambled because when an Italian soccer player pulls your groin, it shows – regardless of how straight you are! A more recent headline said, “Mark Consuelos strips down to a wrestling singlet to get pummeled by a college jock.” Where do I sign up to see that, you may ask? Happily, the footage of Consuelos opposing “the most dominant wrestler in college” does not disappoint – and you can see it on BillyMasters.com.

While away, I heard a whole lot about this Phillip Schofield situation. For you Yanks, Schofield has been a UK TV presenter for eons, and was always rumored to be gay – despite being married to a woman and having children. He’s like the UK’s Regis! Fast-forward to 2020. He’s been co-hosting a morning program for about 20 years and suddenly comes out of the closet. Nobody is sure why – until last month, when it was revealed that he’s been having an affair with Matthew McGreevey – a lad somewhere in his early 20s. Making the story more salacious are reports that Phil may have met Matt when he was about 10 years old! An investigation has been launched, Schofield’s career appears to be history, and McGreevey has gone into hiding, after reportedly suffering from psychological trauma.

In an intriguing side note, Phillip’s brother, Timothy Schofield (a policeman), was recently found guilty of sexual impropriety with a 13-year-old boy! His trial revealed that Phillip knew about the situation, but didn’t report it. I certainly can’t blame him for that, but it’s something that makes you go, “Hmmm”. After Timothy was found guilty on 11 counts, Phillip said, “As far as I’m concerned, I no longer have a brother.” Pot / kettle.

This leads beautifully into our Ask Billy question.  Randy in Miami writes, “What do you know about [Olympic rower] Robbie Manson?  I hear he’s joined OnlyFans.  How much will he show?”

One of our favorite calendars is the Warwick Rowers.  These sporty lads started showing off in 2009 to raise money and awareness against homophobia in sports.  They morphed into an organization known as Warwick Roar, and one of their more notable members was Robbie Manson, known at the time as New Zealand’s “top rower” (I’ll be the judge of that).  The two-time Olympian participated in the special 10^th anniversary calendar, which coincided with him being named the fastest rower on the planet.  Poised to participate in the 2024 Olympics, the strapping 33-year-old has indeed started an OnlyFans page.  “I can almost hear the gasps and raised eyebrows from here,” said Robbie – which begs the question…are rowers genetically inclined to hear a raised eyebrow?  He dashes some of our more base hopes.  “I haven’t gone rogue and started a secret adult film career.  No!  I’m on OnlyFans sharing artistic pictures that celebrate the human form in a tasteful and respectful manner.  Think of it as a highbrow gallery meets my rowing journey, sprinkled with a dash of cheekiness.”  I guess he’s not showing off his oar, which sucks.  But you can definitely see all four of his cheeks on BillyMasters.com.

When all these religious stories didn’t lead to a single joke about being on one’s knees, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  While you’re sculling on the web, why not check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that requires both hands!  If you have a question for me, send it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before ChatGPT comes up with a funny closing joke!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Lest anyone be lulled into a state of complacency regarding LGBT acceptance, several thousand people showed up outside Dodger Stadium to protest the baseball team’s Pride Night.  Specifically, they protested an honor bestowed on a drag/trans group of chalk-faced nuns who have provided humor and comfort to those in need since 1979.  “The Dodgers community hero award goes to an organization reaching the LGBTQ+ community – the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, LA chapter,” said the announcer about an hour before the game began.  The main protestors belonged to a group unimaginatively called Catholics for Catholics.  One assumes these people would also protest pedophilic priests – but I’d hate to put words (or anything else) in their mouths.  They feel the Sisters are making a mockery of their faith – something I can’t completely disagree with.  On the other hand, I don’t recall anyone protesting Sally Field, or that bitch with the guitar!

I spend a lot of time worrying about Jane Seymour.  I picture her, at night, sleeping in a big vat of Crépe Erase, only to wake up and find she’s been replaced by Kate Walsh.  Don’t get me wrong – the Grey’s Anatomy vet looks like she could use Crépe Erase.  But wait your turn.  It’s like when my beloved Lindsay Wagner started losing made-for-TV leads to Mare Winningham, of all people.  It’s just not fair.  If there’s a silver lining, it’s that Walsh is like half Seymour’s age, and looks significantly worse. 

Someone who I’m sure has vats of Crépe Erase is Vanna White, and she’s in the news – kinda.  Pat Sajak announced that he will be retiring as host of Wheel of Fortune at the end of next season.  This begs the question – what will happen to Vanna?  Well, she’s angling to take over hosting duties…an unlikely prospect at best.  While Pat would like his daughter Maggie to be considered for the gig, Ryan Seacrest is also in the running.  But wait – Whoopi Goldberg just announced on The View that she’d like the job.  Stay tuned…

“Growing up, I was called the f-word more times than I can remember. 
And now, I’m a faggot with a Tony!”  
– Michael Arden while accepting his Best Director of a Musical Tony for Parade. 
BTW, the “f-word” was bleeped on TV.

With the never-ending writers’ strike, everybody is wondering if ChatGPT could replace humans.  As an experiment, I asked the AI software to write a column in the style of Billy Masters.  Here is how it began:

“Ladies, gentlemen, and those of you who are still deciding what fabulous category you fall into…”  OK, let’s stop right there – I would NEVER say that.  First off, I find it offensive.  Secondly, I rarely acknowledge my female readers this early in a column!  “I’m Billy Masters, and I’ve got a mouthful of sass and heart full of glitter.”  I am sorry to say, neither of those has ever been true.  I’ve had a mouthful of lots of things, but I wouldn’t call it sass.  As to glitter – I eschew anything that causes a mess!  “Now, darlings, you know I’m all about the latest tea, the hottest gossip, and the fiercest trends, but sometimes we’ve got to take a moment to address the serious stuff.  And right now, there’s something in the air, honey, and it ain’t the scent of Chanel No. 5.”  While I appreciate the Chanel reference, I suspect it somehow has Billy Masters confused with Zsa Zsa Gabor!

The writers’ strike didn’t dampen the Tony Awards.  If anything, it showed that a lack of professional scribes streamline the ceremony.  From Ariana DeBose’s opening, to the production numbers, to the heartfelt speeches, people interested in theatre were in for a treat.  For everyone else…well, I believe there was a MacGyver rerun on Antenna TV!  The Tonys also managed to make history.  Alex Newell became the first openly nonbinary actor to win a Tony – although it was in the category of Featured Actor in a Musical for Shucked.  He was quickly joined by J. Harrison Ghee, who is also nonbinary, and won Leading Actor in a Musical for Some Like It Hot.

Rounding things off, Sean Hayes won Best Actor in a Leading Role in a Play for his turn in Good Night, Oscar.  I hate to make it all about me, but this one kinda is.  In Sean Hayes’ acceptance speech, he dedicated the award to his husband.  “First of all, my husband, Scotty – it’s Scotty, right?  I can never get it right.  You are my purpose, every single day of my life.”  You may not know this, but when Ellen DeGeneres launched her daytime talk show, Sean’s husband (then known as Scotty K) was her DJ.  Then, one day, Scotty was inexplicably gone and there was some black guy with an English accent in his place.  Since I wanted to know what was going on, I asked Scotty to be the DJ for MY very first live Billy Masters Show.  I’m not saying I was there first, but I was there before Sean.

Our Ask Billy question is a throwback to last week.  Jeff in Los Angeles asks, “I can’t believe you went to London and didn’t see A Little Life.  I was sure you’d be able to get ahold of James Norton’s dick.”

That is my specialty.  But tickets to that show were harder to get ahold of than the aforementioned member.  The play has been a smash – and one must give some credit to the very sexy Norton’s nude scene, which has gotten quite a bit of attention.  “There’s still a block when it comes to male nudity, about the penis, and what it looks like, and its size and its shape – and all these things of which we as a culture are still very wary over,” says James.  He added, “We’re scared of the penis,” which has never been my experience.  “Men, I think, we’re far more obsessed with it.  I mean, women I’ve asked are like, ‘I don’t care, you know, it’s just a penis, whatever.’”  This says more about James’s than the women he’s asking.  So, sorry, we don’t have a clear shot of his penis.  We’ve got some snaps that have been somewhat censored, and I’m happy to share them on BillyMasters.com.

When I’m happy to share a penis – no matter the size – it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  While on my endless journey, I continue to update www.BillyMasters.com – the site that is proud all year long.  If you have a burning query, dash it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before someone finds out how many licks it takes to get to the center of Billy Masters.  Here’s a hint – the world may never know.  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

I’ve slept with my share of strippers, to say nothing of porn stars (and happy anniversary to my beloved Kurt Young).  One of the most prolific and successful gay porn stars is the iconic Jeff Stryker.  Recently, Stryker posted a throwback photo from 2007 in Provincetown with Bruce Vilanch and a number of others.  He wrote, “My Friends, I have a confession to make…I love Bruce Vilanch, I have for decades, No heart is bigger and no heart loves me more…”  Lovely, right?  He then followed it up with a comment, “Damn it Bruce, Don’t let Betty White come between us.”  Problem is – the woman between them was Rue McClanahan!  Needless to say, gay fans corrected him in droves.

In a trend I predicted, another former Bachelorette contestant has come out of the closet.  Josh Seiter, who competed for the affection of Kaitlyn (not that one), says he is bisexual.  Josh attributes his sexual leanings on being homeschooled!  Actually, it’s his tardy realization, which he attributes to being homeschooled.  His parents were born-again Christians, and he had no exposure to any other path.  “I always knew as an early teen I was different sexually, I just didn’t think I had the vocabulary to articulate what that difference was.”  I’d love to know how he scored on his SATs!  But that’s not his biggest bombshell.  Joshy worked as an exotic dancer, and is currently dating a stripper named David.  He also admits that he worked as an escort under the name Andrew Dean.  “I was a male companion for women with the escorting site Cowboys4Angels.  I have never been one for men.”  Homeschooling really didn’t teach him much – he would have made exponentially more money with male clients!

“I rise to commemorate the start of Pride Month by honoring
the one and only queen of drag, RuPaul.  RuPaul Charles has
become an American phenomenon and an icon.  Nobody has
more charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent.”  
– Congressman Robert Garcia on the floor of the House of Representatives.

It may be Pride Month, but I’m in an undisclosed country where being gay can get you stoned…with real stones!  Happily, within the confines of my bucolic, clothing-optional resort, I’m surrounded by Bel Ami-type studs who barely speak a lick of English – but have no problem licking anything else.  It’s important to remember that there are real heroes out there doing the hard work, while I’m getting real hard and letting others do the work.

California state senator Scott Wiener invited my friend Sister Roma to the state legislature in Sacramento to kick off Pride Month.  Roma is one of the most visible members of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence – the chalky-faced drag and trans nuns who have been providing service and humor since 1979.  When Roma approached the podium, many Republican senators beat a path to the door.  “If they really took the time to get to know her, they’d understand why I nominated her for this honor,” said Senator Wiener.  Roma was overcome and said, “I came this close to crying, and if this makeup runs, I’m done.”

The Sisters were also formally invited by the Los Angeles Dodgers for Pride Night, which takes place on June 16^th.  Days later, they were disinvited due to pressure from the right.  Gay Night was bad enough, but drag nuns were pushing things too far.  A few more days passed, and the invitation was reinstated.  Former Vice President Mike Pence was beside himself.  “Having been raised in a Catholic family, the Dodgers’ decision to invite the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, a hateful group that blatantly mocks Catholicism, to their event next month is deeply offensive.”  I always find it interesting when a straight man is obsessed with conversion therapy and drag queens, while calling his wife “mother”.  It’s all so Anthony Perkins!

Someone else who wasn’t happy was Marco Rubio.  His disappointment was somewhat abated by news that the Dodgers will once again host Christian Faith Night on July 30^th.  Now, I find THAT deeply offensive.  But I ain’t protesting.  Because, frankly, if we’re able to have Pride Night, then the Christians should be able to have their night.  I do wonder if it’s too late to book some lions to greet them in the stadium…

When does “never” not mean “never”?  When it’s Kim Cattrall returning to the role of Samantha (from Sex and the City).  “Me playing her?  That I can definitely assure you will never happen…for me, it’s over,” she told Piers Morgan in 2017.  And yet…she’s back.  And not just sending text messages from England.  On March 22^nd, Cattrall showed up in NYC to film a scene in a car which was simply a phone call – without any interaction with the And Just Like That… co-stars.  We hear HBO head honcho Casey Bloys orchestrated the détente – which was news to both Sarah Jessica Parker and Michael Patrick King.  Aside from the hefty paycheck, Cattrall had one request – to be dressed by legendary costume designer Patricia Field, who also opted out of the SATC sequel.  Sometimes you can go home again – but don’t expect your family to still be living there!

When we’ll never say never again, it’s time to end another column.  I’m currently in an undisclosed Eastern European country.  You know the type – where you wake up with 3 guys named Lukas!  Perhaps more details will pop up on www.BillyMasters.com – the site where things pop up quite regularly.  If you have a question worthy of the Eastern Bloc, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before a dinner theatre announces a production of Brokeback Mountain starring Scott Baio and Willie Aames!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

When I saw the US premiere of Joe DiPietro’s gay adaptation of La Ronde at West Hollywood’s Celebration Theatre back in 2009, I remember being impressed by the witty writing.  The Waterloo East Theatre asked DiPietro for an update, and he’s again come up with a winner.  F**king Men is playing to sold-out houses, and is as insightful and sharp as ever.  It’s clever, touching, funny, and provocative.  There remain a few references from the previous version that seem dated (including a discussion about Ecstasy).  But with this talented cast of four, the show’s in good hands with nary a weak link, to say nothing of the slick production.  It’s allegedly closing on June 18^th, so grab your tickets quickly…if you can.

I also saw a new musical called Oubliette – which is French for a pit that prisoners are thrown in with no way out…except straight up.  Think of Silence of the Lambs (“Put the lotion in the basket”).  My impression of the show is surely colored by the fact that the venue (The Other Palace) was FREEZING!  Frankly, I couldn’t wait to leave – I was virtually hypothermic!  The story concerns a peasant boy who is thrown in an oubliette along with some other prisoners and is trying not to go mad.  But is it too late?  This show has an ending that kinda came out of nowhere and somewhat perplexed me.  Not sure what I thought because I couldn’t wait to leave, but the performances were good and the imaginative use of the theatrical tundra was impressive.

I finally saw The Mousetrap after 70 long years (obviously the play’s, not mine).  The Agatha Christie thriller is a bit less thrilling than I anticipated, but it is presented lovingly.  The cast was marvelous, if not more contemporary than Christie might have envisioned.  I solved the mystery straight away, but must confess a few of the twists took me by surprise.  Not surprising is that it’s still selling out, even after seven decades!

I looked forward to 2:22 A Ghost Story, which I’d heard good things about.  A young couple buys and is modernizing an old house.  Is it haunted?  They spend the night with another couple trying to solve the mystery.  The ending really surprised me, so that’s a good thing.  It’s provocative enough to make you replay everything that transpired.  In fact, I might go back to unravel it some more.  Another solid cast.  The most recent addition is Sophia Bush – from One Tree Hill, but better known to my readers as a one-time Mrs. Chad Michael Murray.  While not a natural theatrical animal, she turns in a very capable portrayal that will only get better with time.

Greetings from London.  The second stop on my world trip was packed with theatre, and I’ve identified a serious problem.  Actors in stage shows based on a film inevitably come up short compared to their celluloid counterparts.  Original plays have less baggage.  Nobody knows what the first Juliet was like – except she was probably played by some guy bounding about in a frock.  In Florida, he’d be arrested!

I’m going to start with the stage adaptation of Brokeback Mountain.  Full disclosure – I’m not a fan of the film.  What can I say?  Long, lingering shots of vistas and sheep don’t do it for me.  This play goes back to the original short story by Annie Proulx and clocks in at 90 minutes.  I like my plays like I like my men – in and out.  In a cast that couldn’t be bettered, Lucas Hedges plays Ennis and Mike Faist takes on Jack – certainly two of the most talented, dynamic and attractive actors today.  Ennis is a man of few words, guarded, and unable to be honest…even with himself.  Jack is more boisterous, expressive, and somewhat reckless.  When Faist smiles, he lights up a room.  He’s so charismatic, he virtually eclipses everything around him.  That’s not to say that Hedges doesn’t hold his own.  Given his character’s demeanor, his outbursts allow him to show terrific range without veering into caricature.  Both are accomplished and brave portrayals.  Because I know you’ll ask, there isn’t any real nudity.  You get to see both men’s torsos and bums quite often.  And at one point, Faist is lying on his back nude.  He swings his legs in the air to get out of bed, and you got a glimpse of…well, you get the idea.

The play is presented as a memory piece, with the older Ennis onstage throughout.  Nothing against actor Paul Hickey, but at times it felt like a lecherous older man was watching two hot young guys canoodling.  I found it a bit voyeuristic and icky.  Even with this caveat, I heartily recommend the thoroughly engaging show and look forward to seeing where it goes after London – and who will play the roles.  By the by, it’s staged at @SohoPlace, which is not only a terrific venue, but the first new theatre in the West End in over 50 years!

Then there’s the musical version of Back to the Future, which hits Broadway next month.  Aside from a handful of songs from the movie, it has an original score…and that might have been a mistake.  I’m typically not a fan of jukebox musicals, but I found the songs by Alan Silvestri and Glen Ballard unmemorable.  While Marty is ostensibly the lead, the show was pretty much stolen by Corey English as Doc Brown, whose outrageously original portrayal was a crowd-pleaser.  The other standout was Oliver Nicholas as George.  Such a winning and unexpectedly delightful performance.  As Marty, Will Haswell is certainly capable – and has terrific thighs.  I don’t know how old he is, but he appears to be in his late-30s.  The role would be better served by someone younger and slighter.  Frankly, I think much of the show’s success hinges on an innovative production with a DeLorean that flies over the audience!

We have time for a quickie Ask Billy question.  Jeff in Chicago asked, “I read somewhere that Daniel Craig is playing gay in a movie.  What do you know about it?”

The film in question is Queer, based on William S. Burroughs’ novella of the same name.  The director is Luca Guadagnino – the guy who brought us Call Me By Your Name.  Filming began last month in Italy.  The story follows an older American (the curiously cast Brit Daniel Craig) who lives in Mexico and becomes infatuated with a young man.  That youngster will be played by Drew Starkey, who you may recall from Love, Simon (the movie, not the series).  Well, we saw Craig’s penis in Love is the Devil and Drew showed off his ass in Hellraiser.  Looks like a perfect fit to me, as you can see on BillyMasters.com.

I’m on the road for the next month.  My first stop was Las Vegas, and I went directly to see Barry Manilow at the Westgate Resort.  Here’s something I don’t say lightly – I can’t think of a better show than Barry Manilow – The Hits Come Home.  You know what the show is?  The hits!  And he’s doing it at his longtime Vegas home, the Westgate Resort (which has previously been the International and the Las Vegas Hilton).  Barry has so many hits, he could do a completely different show with the rest.  I’m pleased to report that time has not diminished his vocal or physical abilities.  He’s in enviable form, and gives everything he’s got.  This is not someone who works to pay the bills – he works because he loves it.  That love is a two-way street.  His fans come out in droves, and many talk about seeing this show multiple times.  I can understand why.  Check him out in Vegas or in a town near you.  This week, he has a 5-night run at Radio City Music Hall!  His schedule is available on BarryManilow.com.

Then I went to the South Point Casino and Resort to see Sheena Easton.  She looks as exquisite as ever, if not slightly more voluptuous in a gown somewhat stretched to the brink.  Her patter with the audience is charmingly self-deprecating, while her speech inflections have taken on the cadence of a 1930s gun moll – not particularly authentic for our Scottish lass, but used to great comedic effect.  Given how rarely she performs, it’s not surprising that her voice took some time to warm up.  But halfway through the show, the vibrant Sheena sound emerged.  She delivered a tight 90-minute set of hits (not all hers, she quickly admits).  Personally, I’d rather she did some of her deep album cuts over covers, but she’s playing to tourists in between hands of Pai Gow, so I can’t blame her.

We can’t ignore a milestone birthday for one of the biggest drag queens of all.  Dame Joan Collins just celebrated her 90th birthday (I keep track of these things because she’s the same age as Big Daddy Masters).  Joanie posed for a number of snaps outside her home and looked fresh as – well, as a slightly wilted daisy.  But a daisy, nonetheless.

It would be impossible to not mention the passing of a Queen who wore her share of drag.  Tina Turner passed away at the age of 83.  She retired from performing in 2000, saying that she felt she’d done everything she wanted to do and now wanted to enjoy her life.  Shortly thereafter, she suffered numerous medical ailments – a stroke, intestinal cancer, kidney failure, and PTSD from her time with Ike.  Two years ago, she reflected on the past and said, “It wasn’t a good life.  The good did not balance the bad.  I had an abusive life, there’s no other way to tell the story.  It’s a reality.  It’s a truth.  That’s what you’ve got, so you have to accept it.”  Rest in peace.

Many of Freddie Mercury’s belongings are hitting the auction block, courtesy of Mary Austin – who was engaged to Freddie prior to his coming out.  He left Mary his homes in West London and Kensington, and most of his possessions.  She’s now ready to part with the 1500 items – save a few personal keepsakes.  “The time has come for me to take the difficult decision to close this very special chapter in my life,” said the 72-year-old Austin.  An unspecified “portion” of the proceeds will be donated to the Freddie Mercury Trust and the Elton John AIDS Foundation.  Sothebys will have preview exhibitions of Freddie Mercury: A World of His Own in NYC, Los Angeles, Hong Kong and London, prior to the sale in September.

When it comes to political predictions, I am always wrong!  The exception is the ticket of Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, who I called Camilla on national TV.  Potato/Potahto.  Way back when, I was sure that America would vote for Michael Dukakis, despite wife Kitty’s penchant for shots of Bathroom Duck!  Then in 2008, LA Pride asked me to go onstage and remind people to vote against Prop 8.  I did so, but added, “Eh, nobody’s taking away our legal right to marry.  So vote, don’t vote – whatever.”

My instinct tells me to not worry about Ron DeSantis – so worry!  Because when you fuck with Gay Pride, that’s going too far.  DeSantis is not banning Pride; but he’s banning drag queens from participating.  How the hell do you commemorate the Stonewall riots without drag queens?  This all stems from his edict that drag performers fall under “adult entertainment”, and anyone in drag in front of a minor could be fined…or worse.  That means we should ban most Shakespeare plays, plus musicals like Hairspray, Mrs. Doubtfire, La Cage, and Chicago. 

But DeSantis is standing firm.  “We are going to remain a refuge of sanity and a citadel of normalcy.”  In Florida?  The land known for gators, giant bugs, and Goofy?  Alas, most local municipalities fear taking on DeSantis.  Wilton Manors – arguably the largest gay city in the country – has reluctantly agreed to enforce a “no drag” policy at their Stonewall Pride Parade for fear that not complying will result in council members and even the mayor being replaced by DeSantis’ cronies.  Isn’t this how Hitler started?  Or was it Mussolini?  I always get my dictators mixed up.

Then there’s Hamburger Mary’s in Orlando.  They’ve filed a suit against the governor and the State of Florida for infringing on their First Amendment rights – and since Citizens United, businesses have First Amendment rights, just like people.  Hamburger Mary’s is known for drag servers and performers – especially during Sunday brunch.  The suit claims that the eatery is losing customers due to the law.  There are even calls for other venues to join forces in a class action suit.

Sometimes my readers hear about stories before I do.  Shawn sent in an Ask Billy question which piqued my interest.  “What do you know about those English divers who are starting an OnlyFans page?  What can we see?  Are they really nude?  Is there any sex involved?”

I knew nothing about this fledging enterprise, but I know a thing or two about hot British divers.  And let me tell you Tom Daley is only the tip…and who wants just the tip?  The divers in question are Matty Lee, Daniel Goodfellow and Matthew Dixon.  But, alas, they are not planning any adult content.  “But hold up…remember I’m a Team GB diver, not a [porn star].  So everything will be SFW and a place when I can interact with you all,” said Matty.  But he’s charging $20/month for Safe For Work footage?  Uh, that’s a hard pass.  Now, if you’d like to see what they won’t show you, go to BillyMasters.com – which is only $5/month.  Face it – we’re older, we’re cheaper, and we show the goods!

When we’re doing a deep dive into some Brits, it’s time to end another column.  If there was footage of Team GB getting all of their nooks and crannies checked by a dermatologist, it would definitely turn up on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that focuses on healthy naughty bits!  If you have a question for me, dash it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Ben calls some other man Daddy!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Come the fall, a shake-up is headed for Bachelor Nation.  No, Chris Harrison has not been reinstated.  The Golden Bachelor will feature a bachelor and prospective mates who are over 60.  Funny, I thought some of the previous bachelorettes were pretty close to that!  While I probably won’t watch The Golden Bachelor, I would tune in for The Golden Bachelorette…if it promised a bevy of mature men!

That leads us to a story about Colton Underwood, the first (and, thus far, only) openly gay Bachelor.  In September 2021, he was spotted with Jordan C. Brown – I think the two were making out on a beach in Hawaii, but I’d have to consult the archives…and, really, who has that kind of time?  Two years later, they’re married.  The couple tied the knot in a lavish three-day event in Napa Valley.  Colton said, “I’ve never been more sure about something.”  Of course, he also said that to Becca…and Cassie…and Tia…and Aly…and…

I’ve seen a number of videos called Ride, but nothing I’d expect to see on the Hallmark Channel.  This Ride features Jake Foy, who is openly gay and Canadian (well, it is Hallmark).  Fun fact – one of his first roles was in the original workshop of the musical Come From Away – so he’s like the Canadian Jenifer Lewis (for the three of you who will get that).  In Ride, he plays Tuff McMurray, a gay member of the central family.  Yes, a gay cowboy.  From Canada.  On the Hallmark Channel.  This is how the network describes him: “Tuff is a man of many hats: he protects his brother in the ring by being his bull fighter, he is the Foreman of the ranch, and he’s also an aspiring musician.”  For those of you new to the Hallmark Channel, that’s code for “gay”.  Why am I telling you any of this?  Because Jake just got engaged to his longtime real-life beau, Nicolas La Traverse.  Congrats!

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that Ride also stars Dylan Neal, who at one point was on The Bold and the Beautiful – and played a male stripper!  I’d lost track of him in the ensuing years, but he seems to have matured quite nicely.  Maybe I’ll post some of that steamier celluloid on BillyMasters.com.

When is a “near catastrophic car chase”, neither catastrophic nor a car chase?  When pedestrians are moving faster than the cars!  I guess it all depends on how you define “near”.  Words matter, and never more than when you’re Prince Harry and that wife of his…and I think it bears mentioning again that prior to their liaison, her biggest credit was on basic cable (of course, Princess Diana was a school teacher).  It is true – Prince Harry, Meg, and her mother Doria were in a car in NYC.  And it is also true that paparazzi were surrounding the vehicle trying to get photos…God knows of what.  But it is also true that funeral processions in small towns move quicker.  That reality doesn’t invoke a situation on par with the death of Princess Diana.

The final chapter in an actual car chase has been written.  Last week, Anne Heche was finally laid to rest, nine months after her death.  I can’t blame the family for waiting.  The last time someone declared her dead and put a sheet over her head, she popped up and said, “Surprise!”  So, y’know, anything could have happened.

This week we got not one but two Ask Billy questions about the butts of famous siblings – both named Dylan!  The first was from Dan in Chicago, who asked about Dylan Efron showing off his assets on a now-deleted social media post.  The second was from Rafi in Boston, who asked about Dylan Sprouse dropping trou in a flick.  Turns out there’s a connection.  Zac’s baby brother is playing a wrestler in The Iron Claw, and Dylan plays an MMA fighter in Beautiful Disaster.  I dunno how good either project is, but both butts get a thumbs up on BillyMasters.com.

When only our proctologist knows for sure, it’s definitely time to end another column.  There are a hole lotta things to check out on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that knows which end is up!  If you have a question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I go out on strike!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Isn’t it a horrible double standard that I’m now going to tell a story about Lizzo – who is roughly the size Adam was at Sundance – and I’m gonna call her fabulous?  But, you know, the mind is a terrible thing to misplace.  Lizzo’s a big girl with big ideas – and it stands to reason if she’s gonna think outside the box, it’s a pretty big box.  Last month, she wanted to protest Tennessee’s ordinance which prohibits adults from performing in drag.  First she made a little speech. “In light of recent and tragic events and current events, I was told by people on the internet, ‘Cancel your shows in Tennessee’, and ‘Don’t go to Tennessee’.  Their reason was valid, but why would I not come to the people who need to hear this message the most?  Why would I not create a safe space in Tennessee where we can celebrate drag entertainers and celebrate our differences?”  She then brought out 19 drag queens, including Aquaria, Asia O’Hara, Kandy Muse, Vanessa Vanjie Mateo, and a host of other local girls.  You go, Lizzo!

A report in Rolling Stone cites unnamed workers on The Kelly Clarkson Show as being bullied, intimidated, overworked and traumatized by the show’s “monster” producers.  Kelly took to Instagram to respond to the allegations.  “In my 20 years in the entertainment industry, I’ve always led with my heart and what I believe to be right.  I love my team at The Kelly Clarkson Show, and to find out that anyone is feeling unheard and or disrespected on this show is unacceptable.”  And to think it took 15 years before anyone at Ellen spoke up!

I hope nobody will be offended by this, but when Adam Lambert was at the Sundance Film Festival at the end of January, he was bigger than I’ve ever seen him.  And I mean that quite literally – his girth was roughly the equivalent of a Buick.  The singer has often struggled with weight issues, and was doing that old Diane Ross trick – just putting make-up on the center of his face.  But that didn’t help when he was wearing a caftan from the Allan Carr collection.  That was just 4 months ago.  Recently, he showed up at the LA LGBT Center Gala looking astonishingly svelt.  Does any of this really matter?  Not really – except I want to know his secret.  I’m sure something illegal was involved, and that’s OK with me …short of Fentanyl.  Eh, even Fentanyl – what the hell.

Anita Baker is in the midst of a farewell tour.  Where is she going?  And why?  No one knows.  Her opening act is Babyface – who is actually the co-headliner since he’s probably a bigger name than her.  The twosome were due to appear at the Prudential Center in Newark, NJ last week.  The show was delayed two hours due to “technical difficulties” – which I hear stem from a malfunctioning video wall at the back of Baker’s set.  Because of this snafu, Baker asked Babyface not to perform – because the show had to end at the scheduled time or it would result in enormous overtime (once again, a union thing).  Babyface let people know this was not his choice.  “I was asked not to perform in order to give Ms. Baker her space and time to perform her show in its entirety.  My band and I are extremely saddened we didn’t get to perform for y’all tonight.”  His fans were pissed and, let’s face it – most of the audience was there to see him, anyway.  Someone pointed out that the diva has done this before.  “Anita Baker needs to stop having Co-headliners if she going to continue to act this way.  She did this a while back with Maxwell.”  I say Maxwell and Babyface should do their own tour!

This week’s Ask Billy question comes from Ryan in Toronto: “Have you been watching Queen Charlotte?  The two guys working for the King and Queen had a hot sex scene in Episode 2.  Are we going to see more of them?”

You see?  I did cover the royals – just not the ones you were expecting.  Ryan is asking about Brimsley and Reynolds, who work for the royal couple and are played by Sam Clemmett and Freddie Dennis.  And they sure both live to serve.  While I know nothing about them – or the show – I’m happy to show all on BillyMasters.com.

When we’re dishing royal dirt that isn’t about the Windsors, it’s definitely time to end another column.  So, lemme get this straight – the King’s son who moved to the colonies has to sit in the third row with his possibly pedophilic uncle, but the grandchildren of the Queen – who have no relation to the King – get to be little page boys?  It’s a world gone mad, much like www.BillyMasters.com – the site that makes complete sense.  If you have a question, dash it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I go on strike!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Let’s move on to Matthew Lawrence – of the Lawrence brothers (eldest of which is Joey, who suddenly has hair).  Matthew recently made a startling revelation.  At some time, his agency sent him to meet a director.  Well, I’ll let Matthew tell you the rest.  “I went to the hotel room…of a very prominent Oscar-award-winning director who showed up in his robe, asked me to take my clothes off, and said he needed to take Polaroids of me.  And then if I did X, Y, and Z, I would be the next Marvel character.”  My first question is this – were X, Y, and Z things or men Matthew was asked to do?  Matthew wraps up by saying, “I didn’t do that, and my agency fired me because I left this director’s room.”  I’d like a ballpark estimate of when this happened?  Because I’m having a devil of a time trying to come up with a year when Marvel was making big films, Matthew was considered a box office star, and Polaroids were popular.  Sounds like 3 different decades to moi.

I know Shangela.  I like Shangela.  But I don’t know what happens behind closed doors.  Since it is my duty to report the news, here’s the story.  Shangela (also known as DJ Pierce) was on the HBO series, We’re Here.  Daniel McGarrigle worked as a production assistant on the show and claims to have had an incident with Shangie.   According to a complaint filed in Los Angeles Superior Court, Daniel says Shangela asked for help packing for a trip.  After McGarrigle arrived at Shangela’s hotel room, he got sick and began to vomit.  Shangela suggested he lie down.  At some point, Daniel fell asleep.  When he awoke, he felt Shangela “on the lower half of his body” – and I think we all know what that means.  Although Daniel claims he screamed “No”, Shangela “was aggressive physically and verbally, telling McGarrigle, ‘I know you want it, and you’re going to take it.’”  If I had a nickle…and I do (things fall out of people’s pockets when they’re upside-down).  I find it curious that although this incident allegedly happened in February of 2020, McGarrigle remained working for the production until July of 2021.  According to Shangela, “An external investigation into this embittered individual’s claims previously concluded that they were completely without merit.”

Then there’s the Fisher/Lourd feud.  Todd Fisher filed an application for his sister Carrie Fisher to get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.  He was told that they had to wait three years before a posthumous star could be issued.  A month ago, he got a call from a friend saying they’d see him at the ceremony on May the 4^th.  This was news to him, so he called the Hollywood Walk of Fame.  They told him that the guest list was being handled by Disney.  Then Disney said that he was not on the family’s guest list.  The family?  Of his sister?  The person controlling the list is Billie Lourd, Carrie’s child with agent Bryan Lourd (who is gay, but that’s another story).  Not only was Todd not invited, but neither were Carrie’s half-sisters Joely and Tricia Leigh Fisher.  After failing to contact Billie (who had been incommunicado since Carrie’s death), they issued a statement.

Billie then went public saying, “The truth is I did not invite them to this ceremony.  They know why.”  Shades of Mommie Dearest – “for reasons which are well known to them”.  Billie is upset that Todd wrote a book about his mother and sister a year after their death, and that Joely also talked about them in her memoir.  “Though I recognize they have every right to do whatever they choose, their actions were very hurtful to me at the most difficult time in my life.”  This outraged me, so I took to social media and said, “But you see, Billie, this star is not about you – it is about your mother.  It is her star, and (as someone who knew her), I believe she’d want her siblings there.”  This drew enormous response from both sides – mostly pro-Fishers.  I wrapped up by saying if I were the Fishers, I’d show up anyway.  Apparently, Billie’s people covered that angle, too.  Todd was told that “if I showed up, [Billie] would not.”  Someone needs to grow up.