{"id":1262,"date":"2015-08-24T04:26:02","date_gmt":"2015-08-24T11:26:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.billymasters.com\/custom\/?p=1262"},"modified":"2015-08-24T04:26:02","modified_gmt":"2015-08-24T11:26:02","slug":"i-cant-put-my-finger-on-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.billymasters.com\/custom\/blog\/2015\/08\/24\/i-cant-put-my-finger-on-it\/","title":{"rendered":"I Can&#8217;t Put My Finger On It"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I hate to make this all about me.\u00a0 But, you know, the column is called <strong><em>Billy Masters<\/em><\/strong>, and I am <strong>Billy Masters<\/strong>.\u00a0 For the time being, let&#8217;s put that aside.\u00a0 You&#8217;d think, after all these years, I would have tackled every conceivable topic.\u00a0 In fact, that&#8217;s what I thought while reading the old columns (which are on <a href=\"http:\/\/www.BillyMasters.com\"><strong><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">BillyMasters.com<\/span><\/strong><\/a>).\u00a0 And yet, I don&#8217;t believe I&#8217;ve ever written a story about somebody being &#8220;fingered&#8221;.\u00a0 Oh, yes, &#8220;fingered&#8221;.\u00a0 Dare I say, we&#8217;re going to rectify that right now with not one, but two stories about fingering.\u00a0 The first story comes from <strong><em>Big Brother<\/em><\/strong>.\u00a0 Apparently, this guy named <strong>Austin<\/strong> &#8220;fingered&#8221; his girlfriend, <strong>Liz<\/strong>, during the live feed.\u00a0 I checked out the footage and it does appear that Austin played a little hide and seek with a few digits &#8211; perhaps up to the elbow!<\/p>\n<p>Fingering Story #2 (and that&#8217;s certainly the right name for it) comes from singer <strong>Morrissey<\/strong>.\u00a0 Last week, he told <strong>Larry King <\/strong>that he was fingered by the <em>TSA<\/em>.\u00a0 I&#8217;m shocked &#8211; and somewhat hurt.\u00a0 I travel more than anyone I know.\u00a0 And nobody has ever come close to my anus &#8211; well, not until we&#8217;ve left the ground and I&#8217;ve slid the word Ocupado into place.\u00a0 Morrissey says, &#8220;I had been through the full scanner and the second bit, but then he went straight for my private bits and then put his finger down my rear cleavage.&#8221;\u00a0 Welcome to the friendly skies, indeed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I hate to make this all about me.\u00a0 But, you know, the column is called Billy Masters, and I am Billy Masters.\u00a0 For the time being, let&#8217;s put that aside.\u00a0 You&#8217;d think, after all these years, I would have tackled every conceivable topic.\u00a0 In fact, that&#8217;s what I thought while reading the old columns (which<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1262","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-breaking"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.billymasters.com\/custom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1262","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.billymasters.com\/custom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.billymasters.com\/custom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.billymasters.com\/custom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.billymasters.com\/custom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1262"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.billymasters.com\/custom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1262\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1263,"href":"https:\/\/www.billymasters.com\/custom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1262\/revisions\/1263"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.billymasters.com\/custom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1262"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.billymasters.com\/custom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1262"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.billymasters.com\/custom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1262"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}