{"id":1995,"date":"2016-06-20T04:08:11","date_gmt":"2016-06-20T11:08:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.billymasters.com\/custom\/?p=1995"},"modified":"2016-06-20T04:08:11","modified_gmt":"2016-06-20T11:08:11","slug":"big-gay-suicide","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.billymasters.com\/custom\/blog\/2016\/06\/20\/big-gay-suicide\/","title":{"rendered":"Big Gay Suicide"},"content":{"rendered":"

“Dear World, I am leaving because I am bored.\u00a0 I feel I have lived long enough.
\nI am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool.\u00a0 Good luck.”
\n\u2013\u00a0<\/em>George Sanders<\/strong>‘ suicide note from 1972.\u00a0 Well, after being married to two of the Gabor <\/strong>sisters,
\nI guess you could say he was\u00a0ga-bored!<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Those of us who came of age in the ’80s and ’90s became far too familiar with death – certainly more familiar than people in their 20s should be.\u00a0 Living through that somewhat numbed me.\u00a0 During the same time period, I dated an incredibly breathtaking man.\u00a0 Early in our relationship, he admitted that he had attempted suicide.\u00a0 When I asked why, he said, “Because I felt like a failure.”\u00a0 I suspect the fact that he was able to share his story didn’t help.\u00a0 When he actually did commit suicide years later, my sadness was mitigated by thoughts that he eventually succeeded.<\/p>\n

I was thinking about this when I read about the suicide of gay writer, director and producer Fred Caruso<\/strong>.\u00a0 Despite his credits, I’d never heard of him and don’t believe I’ve seen any of his work.\u00a0 But based on his suicide note, I am now a fan.\u00a0 I’d like to share one section here: “I have been incredibly lonely and at the same time – I hate being around people.\u00a0 I hate meeting new people and I’m always waiting for someone to stab me in the back – lets just say I already have a whole culinary collection.\u00a0 To be clear – I haven’t forgiven anyone.\u00a0 All the grudges I’ve carried for years – I continue to carry.\u00a0 To those people that I hate – I hope I have the ability to haunt you for the rest of your lives.”\u00a0 If the goal of an artist’s life is to touch people, Fred can rest in peace.\u00a0 He not only moved me, but made me laugh – something I hope I do with this column.\u00a0 Bravo, Fred!\u00a0 The only thing that could make me happier is if you actually CAN haunt those who have hurt you.\u00a0 That would be swell.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“Dear World, I am leaving because I am bored.\u00a0 I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool.\u00a0 Good luck.” \u2013\u00a0George Sanders‘ suicide note from 1972.\u00a0 Well, after being married to two of the Gabor sisters, I guess you could say he was\u00a0ga-bored! Those of us<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1995","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-breaking"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.billymasters.com\/custom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1995","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.billymasters.com\/custom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.billymasters.com\/custom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.billymasters.com\/custom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.billymasters.com\/custom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1995"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.billymasters.com\/custom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1995\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2000,"href":"https:\/\/www.billymasters.com\/custom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1995\/revisions\/2000"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.billymasters.com\/custom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1995"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.billymasters.com\/custom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1995"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.billymasters.com\/custom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1995"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}