Queen Elizabeth has done lots of things in her seven decades on the throne.  She can now add sketch comedienne to her accomplishments.  To kick off the Party at the Palace, she did a little skit with Paddington Bear.  The two were having tea, and Paddington says, “Perhaps you’d like a marmalade sandwich.  I always keep one for emergencies.”  With that, he produced a sandy from underneath his hat.  Lizzie, not to be outdone, said, “So do I.  I keep mine in here…for later,” and pulled one out of her purse!  Now we know – even Queens get peckish!

I was disappointed that QEII opted out of most public appearances, but it did look like that walk onto the balcony tuckered her out.  And since many of you have asked, the man escorting her was her first cousin, Edward, the Duke of Kent.  He may be a decade younger than Lizzie, but he looked as if they’d already started the cremation process!  Picture it – the Queen of England with Death on one arm and a sickle in the other.  Why, it’s almost Nostradamean!

Did you notice that the Queen looks slimmer – even in the hump?  If anyone’s wondering where her pounds went, they need only look at Adam Lambert.  Like me, the first 10 pounds go right to his cheeks.  There’s only so much that contouring can do.  He should have stopped by Miss Ross’ trailer first.  What Diane can do with some concealer and blush should win her the Nobel Prize.  But once the waist is hiked up just below the boobs, you know you’re in trouble.  I’d consider bringing back beheading for whoever picked out that frock!

People were disappointed that Harry and Meghan didn’t show up for the concert.  The official reason is that they wanted to celebrate daughter Lilibet’s first birthday privately.  But, of course, nobody believes that – those plans would have been made earlier than a half hour prior to showtime.  My royal insiders tell me that the terrible twosome skipped the concert once they were told where they would be seated.  I hear that they felt it would be “embarrassing”…so at least we know they are capable of being embarrassed.