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18 May 2026

“May I say, well done in the Americas.
You were superb, absolutely superb…
put that little ratbag in his place.”
– Rod Stewart to King Charles.
Is it wrong to be cheering on the Brits?

It brings me enormous pleasure that our first story is about cheering the efforts of the indomitable Dame Joan Collins. Sure, she’s a legendary beauty, a capable actress, and a survivor. But she’s also a savvy businesswoman. Do you know how she got The Stud made? She convinced sister Jackie to give her the rights, commissioned a script, and schlepped it all over the 1977 Cannes Film Festival talking to every fat-cat with a checkbook. She finally convinced producer Brent Walker to take a chance, and the rest is history.

Joan has similarly shepherded her project about the Duchess of Windsor. Her obsession with Wallis dates back to 1985, when she was photographed as the Duchess for Life magazine. She visited the Windsors’ Paris home in the early 1990s when it was owned by Dodi Fayed. She commissioned a script about Wallis in the early 2020s, and convinced theater producer John Gore to branch into films with it. Now the film is done. So it was off to Cannes… again. Almost 50 years after clinching The Stud deal, Joan is trying to land a distributor for My Duchess. In preparation, the 92-year-old Collins took dance lessons. Why? She wanted to be able to maneuver the endless red carpet with ease and elegance. “I thought I want to just be able to get on the red carpet and not be a lump.” She managed that – and then some. Headlines singled her out in a scene-stealing sculptural white gown, long black opera gloves, and her hair elegantly pulled back. The jewels? Diamonds, naturally. “I wore my own jewelry last night because I didn’t want a security guard following me around.” Was a deal brokered? Too soon to say. As to the film, people whisper it’s Collins’ best work. Photos from the set and the carpet are on BillyMasters.com.

Another Brit, another carpet, another continent. Luke Evans turned heads at the Met Gala in his Tom of Finland nod to fashion. Because, like Collins, he understood the assignment. Before doffing his cap, he had to take some photos wearing it – shirtless, naturally. “Had to try the hat on one last time a week since I wore it on the met gala stone carpet, before it went into the archives. Loved it!!!”

I’d file this under Strange Bedfellows, although it’s really not all that strange. More of an inevitability. Lorenzo Lamas is raving about his current paramour – Heather Locklear. The couple went public at the Chiller Theatre Expo in New Jersey – a far cry from Cannes or the Met Gala, but exactly right for this twosome. They were both booked at the convention, and it wasn’t their first joint venture. They actually met 43 years ago for a Playgirl cover shoot! More recently, they were spotted together in Las Vegas on New Year’s Eve. Lamas says, “She is the most amazing woman that I think I’ve ever met.” High praise from the son of Arlene Dahl!

Here’s a pairing I didn’t see coming – Mario Lopez and Tony Danza. They have teamed up for a project for Great American Family – you know, that network spearheaded by the oh-so-pious Candace Cameron Bure. Christmas at The Starlight is about a multi-generational family, where the patriarch (Danza) wants to sell his beloved supper club and needs the help of his son (Lopez) and his grandson (played by Dominic Lopez, Mario’s son). “Working with Tony Danza as my father in this story is incredibly special, and having Dominic play my son makes it even more personal,” says Mario, who is also an executive producer.

Then there’s that much-touted reunion of some of The Pussycat Dolls. Due to sluggish ticket sales and very little buzz, the North American tour has been cancelled. People in the industry expressed shock – not that the reunion was called off, but that it was announced in the first place. “It was never a good idea because there was very little interest,” said one insider. While the tour will still continue in the UK and Europe, where someone like Miss Sheena Easton can still pack a stadium (or at least a county fair), The Dolls will do one stateside date – the OutLoud Music Festival in West Hollywood. Why? We’re told they needed a place close to home to run the show…kinda like a dress rehearsal. OutLoud paid a large lump sum for them to perform in their backyard.

Buyers of Liza Minnelli’s memoir are OUTRAGED! They are shocked to learn that after paying upwards of $250 for an autographed copy of the book, it turns out Liza didn’t sign them at all. It was the work of an autopen! One autograph collector (who snagged a “signed” copy for $25) shrugged, saying, “When you see footage of Liza today in her own documentary, she is far too frail to have signed a handful of books, let alone hundreds!” While people are outraged that she didn’t sign her book, very few seem to have a problem that she didn’t write it!

Have you been watching Boy Band Confidential on ID? It’s Joey Fatone’s version of Dirty Pop: The Boy Band Scam which Netflix produced back in 2024. It covers all the stuff that people like yours truly reported during Lou Pearlman’s heyday – except nobody believed me. Joey’s not really breaking any new ground. It’s mostly the same stories told by the same people. What is shocking is how terrible most of the guys look. Since many of them are my pals, I’m not going to name names. But the makeup and lighting do nobody any favors – with the exception of Fatone, actually. Should any of you be stepping in front of the camera, let me give you two tips. Number one – double-digit body fat makes you look healthy (and smooths some of those skin issues). Number two, for the love of God, don’t tan within 4 days of filming unless you want to look like you’ve just had an acid peel!

Margaret Cho made a revelation that proves nobody is immune to being out of work. She’s concerned that due to her outspoken comments about the current administration, getting back into the country from being abroad could pose some problems. I can allay those fears – Rosie O’Donnell has come and gone a handful of times without issue. If she could do it, Cho should be fine. Cho shared this story with Matteo Lane and Nick Smith on their podcast, “I Never Liked You”: “Last year, I got a pilot script for a show that I really loved, but it shot in Canada, and I was so scared because I’m so vocal about hating ICE and hating this administration…I was like, I will get detained at the border and I will be put in ICE detention if I go, and I was struggling over it. I had to talk to all these people about it and I was super upset, and I said ‘no’.” And what was the project? “It was Heated Rivalry”. The role? Shane Hollander’s mom!

In yet another predictable Ask Billy question, several of you wrote in about this topic. The first query came from Drew in New Jersey: “Did you see Paul Downs nude on Hacks? WOW – where has he been hiding that bod?”

Where have you been? It’s always been there in plain sight. Paul W. Downs (he uses his middle initial) has always been adorable, and his chiseled features suggested that his torso would be similarly sculpted. Sure enough, there it was – for everyone to see. Gay porn star perfection, but surely not the body we expect on a heterosexual writer – even with his queer sensibility. But, remember, he’s also an actor. That always muddies the waters. In fact, we’ve got shirtless pics going back 10 years. We’ve even got his ass – then and now. On BillyMasters.com.

Before wrapping up, I want to make special note of the passing of some pretty special people. Somewhere after Louella and Hedda, but before me and Michael Musto, there was Rex Reed – a kinda more feminine Rona Barrett. To many, Rex was a bitchy film critic. But if they paid attention, he was a helluva writer, a wry raconteur, and an all-around pop culture icon. Speaking of icons, Jason Collins was more than a history-making NBA star. He opened doors for everyone to have a place in sports based on their talent and not who they slept with. While we always need to look forward, we can’t ever forget those who blazed the trail for us. They will be missed.

When a straight writer has a gay porn star body, it’s time for this gay writer to do some crunches and end yet another column. As one of my proofreaders pointed out – Downs is not only a writer on Hacks, he’s also a creator and showrunner. That only makes it more confusing. While I try to unravel that, you can check out BillyMasters.com – the site that always finds a way to work in a reference to Sheena Easton…and Arlene Dahl! If you have a question – like how to get a refund on your Pussycat Dolls ticket – drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Joan Collins gets that Oscar nomination. So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

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