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22 February 2021

“Life is about building bridges, not walls.”  
Elton John, when criticized for performing at Rush Limbaugh’s 2010 wedding. 
Something I say all the time might have also been a good response – “A gig’s a gig.”

Rush Limbaugh is dead.  I can’t say this is a story I got excited about; I was far more interested in Ted Cruz doing the limbo, but that’s just me.  Make no mistake – I was no fan of Limbaugh (or Cruz, for that matter).  Then again, I never listened to Rush (or Cruz, for that matter).  Knowing the hatred Rush spewed, I wasn’t surprised at the hatred he provoked.  But I do find it fascinating when someone’s demise gives so many such glee – as if it really changes their lives.  If it brings you happiness, great.  If I don’t care for someone, I don’t give them much thought.

Onto another death – Mom.  Yes, CBS has announced that the much-lauded sitcom will wrap at the end of this season.  This one hurt.  Why?  Because this cancellation gives the impression that a great show with a great cast could not make it without the comic stylings of Anna Faris – the woman who sunk Overboard.  Are you telling me that Chris Pratt could go on without Anna, but Allison Janney can’t?  Oh, the humanity…

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People have too much time on their hands.  It’s the only explanation I have with this sudden fascination about Britney Spears.  And what about these demands for apologies?  Crazy.  Do I think Justin Timberlake has anything to apologize for?  Perhaps some questionable hairstyles, but that’s about it.  Diane Sawyer?  Nope – just doing her job.  Perez Hilton?  Well – that’s between him and his priest – and whoever printed those T-shirts.  Apropos of this story, did I ever tell you I was once involved in a high-speed chase with Britney Spears?  I’ll get to it someday.

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Here’s one of those things that would only happen to Billy Masters.  I had to drop something off at my sister’s house in a suburb north of Boston.  To avoid some traffic, I zigged and zagged and ended up in Lowell, where I came upon a hubbub.  Never one to turn down a hub (or a bub), I ignored my GPS and drove towards the cluster.  And who do I run into?  George Clooney!  I slowed down, he looked up.  I waved, he waved.  And life went on.

Massachusetts has long been a favorite location for film productions.  Last month, the Provincetown Select Board gave Ryan Murphy permission to shoot in our little seaside enclave.  This is a rarity for Ptown, but Murphy had lots of things in his favor – starting with the fact that he owns property in Ptown.  He even got married on the beach.  And then there’s been that pesky pandemic.  In a town that depends on tourism, the coffers for the past year have been lower than usual.  Enter Pilgrim – which is the name on Murphy’s permit.  Given that my spies tell me the cast includes Kathy Bates, Evan Peters, Sarah Paulson, and Lily Rabe, I think we can assume this is season 10 of American Horror Story.  We’re also told many residents of the Outer Cape will populate some minor roles.  With the hotels and restaurants getting unexpected income during the off-season of an off-year, I call this a win/win.

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Last week was a big one on Billy Masters LIVE – and that’s not the first time the words “Billy Masters” and “big” appeared together.  On Tuesday, we celebrated the life of Mary Wilson and The Supremes with some pretty great guests – including performers Darlene Love, Ruth Pointer, Freda Payne, and Scherrie Payne.  But it was Thursday’s show that surprised me.  Eric Roberts has been a respected actor for decades – in fact, he holds a record for the American actor with the most film credits…ever!  How many?  596 as of today.  Eric and his wife Eliza joined us for over 90 minutes of in-depth discussion about his career and his iconic roles – including playing Gregory Harrison’s lover in It’s My PartySherri Shepherd even popped in to reminisce about the ABC sitcom Less Than Perfect.  I was joined by my frequent sidekick, NECN’s political contributor Sue O’Connell.  It’s definitely worth checking out on our YouTube channel Billy Masters TV.  Or just watch it on BillyMasters.com/TV.

As to this week’s shows, I believe I have a conflict on Tuesday – which likely means no show.  I will make an announcement on Facebook and YouTube.  We should be back to normal on Thursday, so stay tuned.

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I’m torn about our next story – because it may be much ado about nothing.  However, since I think Matt Gutman is pretty dreamy, I’ll tell you that the ABC newsman was suspended for violating the network’s Covid-19 safety protocols.  We don’t know much about what he did, except that he allegedly filmed in a hospital without getting the proper permission.  This is not Matt’s first suspension.  Remember when he reported on live TV that Kobe Bryant was with his four daughters when his helicopter crashed?  That was the definition of an “Oops” moment – for which he apologized.

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One of the most exciting things that was supposed to happen in 2020 was Whoopi Goldberg reprising her role of Deloris Van Cartier in the stage musical Sister Act in London’s West End.  Obviously, that production was postponed – until the summer of 2021.  With the coronavirus dragging on and on, the opening has been pushed to July 19, 2022.  Brace yourself – it gets worse.  I’ll let Whoopi tell you herself: “Sister Act is near and dear to my heart, and I’m disappointed that I will be unable to perform in this production under the circumstances.  However, my producing partners and I will continue to work towards mounting a fantastic production, with an amazing new cast.”  The new cast has yet to be announced, but I fear Jennifer Saunders is also out as the Mother Superior.

If it’s any consolation, the West End will soon see a revival of Cole Porter’s Anything Goes starring Megan Mullally.  It’s adding insult to injury.  That show will run for 11 weeks at the Barbican starting on June 5th.

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Should you want a sure-fire way to get my attention, run a headline that names anyone going under the knife for a “paralyzed penis and anus”.  In this case, the person in question is Nicholas Brendon.  He has been conspicuously absent from all the controversy regarding the “toxic workplace” that allegedly was the set of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  When specifically asked, Brendon revealed that he’s been recovering from spinal surgery, which has had some complications.  “My anus is kinda paralyzed and so is my penis, which is weird.  I gotta sit down to piss because I don’t know if I’m shitting or pissing” – which is ever-so-slightly more than I needed to know.

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Our Ask Billy question comes from Paul in Rhode Island: “I heard that Charles Melton was posing nude for some ad that’s only gonna air in Europe.  Could you track it down?”

Let’s first remind the readers who Charles Melton is – he plays Reggie on Riverdale.  He’s actually the second Reggie.  The model/actor also has a mighty toned torso.  Alas, the ad in question is not a commercial – it’s a photo spread for Dolce & Gabbana.  And “spread” is the correct term.  I’m not exactly sure what he’s modeling, because he’s fully naked.  In one shot, he’s clinging to a column and showing his assets to the camera.  In another, he’s perusing a bookcase.  Once again, a gig’s a gig, and an ass is an ass, which you can check out on BillyMasters.com.

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When Reggie’s using his dick as a bookmark, it’s definitely time to end another column.  That’s both a good place for a stick-up and a nasty place for a paper cut.  Cut or uncut, everything shows up on www.BillyMasters.com – the site with loads of columns for Melton to lean against.  Should you have a question, dash it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before I run into any more actors – and I do not mean in the Halle Berry way!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

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