25 February 2024

“I love feet.  I have a foot thing.  I love foot massages,
and I would kiss your feet like crazy for hours. 
But we all have something
Ricky Martin tells GQ magazine about his fondness for feet. 
It could be worse.  “Some have a fetish of armpits,” he added.

If people don’t want to be offended, they shouldn’t get out of bed.  Wise advice from your humble scribe.  This is apropos of a story regarding “trigger warnings” for the UK tour of the classic musical My Fair Lady.  For those of you who didn’t digest every second of the Rex Harrison/Julie Andrews original cast recording, let me tell you that the musical is set in Edwardian London – not an era known for equality.  Women had no rights, classes were more delineated, and poor people were happily dancing in the street!  The Old Vic warned that the show contained “portrayals of abuse, abusive language and coercive control”.  This is not unprecedented – the Broadway revival of 2018 “softened” the ending – because why would a woman come back to the man who mistreated her?  Last year’s revival of The Sound of Music warned that it “touches on Nazi Germany and the annexation of Austria…viewers may find certain themes distressing.”  Then don’t go!  Ralph Fiennes doesn’t believe in any warnings.  “The impact of theatre should be that you’re shocked and you should be disturbed.  I don’t think you should be prepared for these things.”  In other words, if you are someone who is offended by a work of art, STAY HOME!


I’m a bit offended by this next story.  On one hand, Kirk Cameron is crazy as a loon and looking more weathered.  On the other hand, he has residual cuteness and is entitled to have whatever opinions he chooses.  Frankly, I’m more offended by what time has done to his lovely visage.  Anyhoo, Kirk is launching a new series geared toward children.  “Parents and grandparents are sickened and tired of their children being attacked by the woke wolves of Hollywood.”  Are they?  Frankly, I found three things offensive in that statement – but I just picture him shirtless in his prime and, poof, I got over it.  The show is called Adventures with Iggy and Mr. Kirk.  Do you know how I’ve longed to call him Mr. Kirk?  Who is Iggy?  He’s a puppet.  So, Kirk is on a show that espouses fisting – not that I’m judging (I’m mildly titillated).  He lost me when he told Fox News, “It’s not just time to take back our libraries and literature.  It’s time to take back every area of culture that these animals have devoured.”  First, I haven’t devoured anybody in weeks.  Second, why are people always talking about taking things back?  Isn’t there room enough for all ideologies?  If you want to espouse Christian values standing next to a guy up to his elbow in felt, be my guest.  If I want to support drag queens reading to kids, fine.  If you don’t want your kid around the drag queen, keep them home.  And if I don’t wanna see you with a puppet…well, who am I kidding?  I’ll be watching.


Kelly Rowland was offended by the dressing room at the Today show (which used to be The Today Show).  Kelly was promoting her new movie, Mea Culpa, which I hear is great.  She sat down for an interview with Savannah Guthrie during the real portion of the show.  Then she was supposed to stick around and co-host the fourth hour with Hoda Kotb (Jenna Bush was out).  But Kelly took one look at her dressing room and said, “I don’t think so.”  In her defense, it is said that the Today dressing rooms are small and run-down.  She requested to use the spacious green room upstairs, but Jennifer Lopez was in there.  Oh, the humanity!  So Kelly left.  As luck would have it, Rita Ora was booked as a guest on the show, and she filled in.  The next day, Hoda said, “She can share my dressing room.”  Jenna trotted out that old Barbara Walters chestnut – “She’s welcomed back anytime.”


I am certainly no medical doctor – although I’ve slept with more than my share.  But I’m gonna tackle this Wendy Williams situation.  Full disclosure – a family friend had frontal lobe dementia, so while not exactly what Wendy has, this is something I know a bit about.  The causes of dementia are unclear, but frontal lobe issues are exacerbated by alcohol and drug abuse.  Last week, Williams allegedly went public with a diagnosis of aphasia and frontotemporal degeneration.  I say “allegedly”, because I have no idea who is speaking for Wendy.  Unless I see her say it herself, I don’t know – and even if I see her say it, I still ain’t so sure.

Last weekend, Lifetime aired the documentary, Where is Wendy Williams?.  Many people have criticized the network for airing this show.  Well, that offends me – because Wendy signed the contract for this and is an executive producer, which means she also got paid handsomely.  I presume so did her son, Kevin Jr. – he’s also listed as an executive producer and participated.  I’m not sure if Kevin Sr. got paid, but I bet money exchanged hands.  Yes, you might say Wendy’s not in her right mind to make those decisions.  Except she signed this contract pre-2020.  Back then, she had a three-project deal with Lifetime.  The first was a dramatization of her life, Wendy Williams – The Movie.  At the same time, she did a documentary called, Wendy Williams – What a Mess!.  This latest doc fulfills her contract – and is also a mess.  It should be noted that it began shooting just after her show got cancelled (June 2022) and ended when she was admitted to an unknown “facility” (April 2023).  As to the content, that could be another full column.  While I would like to hope I’m wrong, I think we all know how this story ends.


Brandi Glanville was offended by Andy Cohen and is trying to get Bravo to fire him.  And her argument would probably result in the termination of a heterosexual producer – and we did fight for equality.  In 2022, Cohen sent Brandi a video saying he wanted her to watch him having sex with Kate Chastain, who was on Bravo’s Below Deck.  Andy claims it was a joke – which is obvious since he’s always presented himself as a “gold star gay”.  However, Brandi felt it was not only inappropriate but a harassing video.  Glanville’s lawyers put it in more legal terms: “Any boss who is clearly inebriated encouraging their employee by facetime video to watch their boss have sex with another employee, constitutes sexual harassment, plain and simple, under any definition even one concocted by NBC.”  Yes, it was obviously a joke.  But, as they say, rules is rules.


You know what never offends me?  Videos of Madonna falling.  I often feel that old woman is going to break a hip and it could turn into a snuff video – or a Boniva commercial.  Remember when she was standing at the top of that staircase and her dancers pulled her supposedly tear-away cape – except it didn’t tear away and almost strangled her?  That one always picks me up after a hard day.  This week, Madge actually needed picking up.  She was sitting in a rickety wooden chair.  Her dancer was supposed to tilt it back and run across the stage dragging it.  Except this guy is some little wispy thing in high heels.  You don’t need to be psychic to know what happened next.  He tripped on his own heels, toppled over, and Madonna went toppling after.  I laughed till I peed…and then I laughed at that!


Our Ask Billy question comes from Don in San Francisco: “I heard that my all-time porn crush Landon Conrad is making a comeback.  Is this true?  What made him come back after so long?”

This is the least offensive thing in my column!  Many people have great fondness for Landon Conrad, who has been popular since his first porn in 2009.  Then suddenly, around 2015, he took a break.  He hinted at a comeback in 2022 and, in late 2023, he filmed Global Entry: Mexico for Naked Sword (  In fact, his first scene just dropped last week.  I’m pleased to report that Landon is hotter than ever and shows off his versatility south of the border.  As to why he came back, he says people kept asking him – including on line at Starbucks!  “I look a little bit different than when I first came out.  I’m more of a daddy now.  I’m definitely embracing that.  I’m in better shape now.  I think I physically look better.  So why not?”  Why not indeed?  If his first scene with Aldo Guti is any indication, he’ll be around for a long, long time.  You can see him in action on


When Landon and I are both returning to our gay porn roots, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  Faithful fans know I used to cover gay porn much more in the old days.  I even had Billy’s gay porn posse.  Of course, back then we had actual stars.  Now, anybody with a webcam is a gay porn star.  But Landon is the real deal.  So is, the site that never offends.  Feel free to send your questions along to and I promise to get back to you before this column comes with a “trigger warning”.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

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