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30 November 2020
“Will you issue pardons before leaving office?
Will you be issuing a pardon for yourself?”
– A reporter asked El Presidente this question after the traditional pardoning of the Thanksgiving turkey.
And by turkey, we don’t mean anyone in the current administration.
Given the year we’ve had, it was probably difficult for lots of people to spend a day giving thanks. And yet, Thanksgiving 2020 reminded many how fortunate we are…especially in light of the grim alternatives. Leave it to a gay porn performer to find the silver lining. Pierce Paris (a name I’ve never heard before) took to Twitter and demonstrated how he could get stuffed by a turkey. Yes, you read that correctly. Making use of some MacGyver skills – to say nothing of some limber limbs – Pierce found there’s more than one way to truss a turkey…drumsticks and all!
Continuing the theatre of the absurd known as the American political system, El Presidente got a rude awakening in Wisconsin. After spending about $3 million on a recount, he received some shocking results – Joe Biden’s margin of victory was actually wider! Now, if only someone would launch an investigation into voter fraud at Dancing with the Stars. Some skullduggery was certainly afoot.
Representative Matt Gaetz – you remember him, the one who revealed he adopted a “son” – gave El Presidente some unsolicited advice. “President Trump should pardon Flynn, the Thanksgiving turkey, and everyone from himself, to his admin, to Joe Exotic if he has to.” How very Netflix of him. And how retro of Gaetz to still be talking Tiger King when everyone else has moved onto the The Great British Bake Off.
With the Trumps soon to be vacating the White House in a scene reminiscent of Pacific Heights, the rehabilitation of their legacy has begun. We now hear that Melanie really REALLY wanted to bathe the White House in rainbow-colored lights for Pride Month. Reports from two independent sources indicate that the First Lady’s wishes were hindered by White House Chief of Staff, Mark Meadows – the same person who once swore that gay marriage would lead to a “constitutional crisis”. Turns out, that crisis was ushered in long after gay marriage, and seems to have coincided with his boss’ “election”.
Allegedly, El Presidente didn’t want to rush Amy Coney Barrett onto the Supreme Court. That dastardly deed was dictated by Mitch McConnell. The senator’s former chief of staff Josh Holmes (no relation) related a conversation between the Senate Majority Leader and the President. “McConnell told him two things. He said, ‘First, I’m going to put out a statement that says we’re going to fill the vacancy.’ Second, he said, ‘You’ve gotta nominate Amy Coney Barrett.’” Like we didn’t know who was pulling the strings.
You know how Billy Masters LIVE was taking two weeks off for Thanksgiving? Surprise – we did a special live broadcast on Thanksgiving itself, which you’d have known about if you subscribed for free to our YouTube channel. On All Thanksgiving Eve, I was struck by the many social media posts from people who were sad to be spending the holiday alone. Even I, your beloved Billy, was in the same boat – all alone in the sumptuous Filth2Go Beach House in Fort Lauderdale. So, I thought why not be alone together? I reached out to the divine Charles Busch and we decided to regale viewers with some gabbing and gossiping. More than 3,000 people have tuned in as of this writing. One fan dashed off an incredibly heartfelt thank you note which made it all worthwhile. You can watch all of our shows on our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV. Or just go to BillyMasters.com/TV.
Billy Masters LIVE is celebrating the “Divas of December”. This Thursday, we get into the holiday season with Darlene Love! She usually spends the holidays performing to capacity crowds all over the country. Due to circumstances, this year she filmed a special concert with her band. Love for the Holidays debuts on December 5th and, of course, includes “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)”. Watch it on SonyHall.com.
Speaking of divas, Sheryl Lee Ralph is a warrior in the fight against AIDS. On December 5th, she’ll be celebrating the 30th anniversary of her fundraiser, Divas Simply Singing, with proceeds going to Project Angel Food. Tune in for the virtual event at DivasSimplySinging.com or in Southern California on KTLA at 7PM Pacific.
You all know Matthew Morrison as Mr. Schuester in Glee. But to me, he’ll always be the original (and best) Link in the Broadway musical, Hairspray. A whole new generation will get to know him as the title character in Dr. Seuss’ The Grinch Musical. The musical, which has been staged on Broadway, will be coming to our homes courtesy of NBC on December 9th.
If you’re curious what happened to little Cindy Lou Who after that fateful night, check out Who’s Holiday! The play, written by Matthew Lombardo, prevailed in a lengthy court battle against Mrs. Dr. Seuss and was deemed a First Amendment protected parody. The 2017 off-Broadway run starred Lesli Margherita as Miss Who recounting her sordid history after that night with the Grinch – and it was a RIOT! A video will stream on December 11th at 8PM Eastern and raise money for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS. To watch, go to BroadwayCares.org.
This leads us perfectly into the first of Billy’s Holiday Gift Giving Suggestions for 2020. For lo these many years, I have assisted the tired, the poor, the huddled masses yearning to find gifts for their loved ones (and some obligatory others). Each of my selections has that certain je ne sais quoi that could only come from moi – someone who is filled with lots of quoi! Keeping with tradition, we kick things off with one of my favorite gifts. Every year, Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS releases a collectible Broadway Legends holiday ornament. Previous ceramic celebs have included Carol Channing, Barbra Streisand, Bernadette Peters, Patti LuPone, Angela Lansbury, and oodles of others. This year, Glenn Close is ready for her close-up in Sunset Boulevard. “I’m sure Norma Desmond would be thrilled to be a gorgeous Christmas ornament – as long as she is hung in good light!” said Close, who I’m sure was lit by Hog Eye. You can grab her doppelgänger at BroadwayCares.org.
There aren’t many singers as shimmery as the angelic Liz Callaway – who most of you know from numerous Broadway and animated classics. Now, she’s stepping into the holiday arena with Comfort and Joy – An Acoustic Christmas. This is a perfect way to get into the spirit of the season with a collection of original and classic carols – and a perfect complement to her 2013 release, Merry and Bright. Grab them both on LizCallaway.com or Amazon.com.
We have time for a very brief Ask Billy question. Danny in Phoenix asks, “I’m a big MMA fan, and heard Simon Marini started doing gay porn. Have you seen the videos? Is he gay?”
First, let me come to grips with the fact that a fan of Billy Masters is also an MMA enthusiast! As to Simon Marini, he is known in fighting circles as The Mutant. His porn work is done under the name of Markus Kage. His latest career move was a logical step after years of modeling and stripping – which he started to help with depression. You’ll be depressed when I tell you he has a girlfriend. That said, he’s still allowed many guys to do many things to him that many wouldn’t – and those guys include Pierce Paris. Oh, yes – this straight MMA fighter is getting mounted by a guy who was previously assaulted by a turkey! You can see love with all the trimmings on BillyMasters.com.
When all our items cum together, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. I may not know anything about martial arts, but I do know where you can find the hottest guys. On www.BillyMasters.com – the site where no belts of any color are necessary. If you have a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Pierce Paris shows us what he can do with a Yule log! So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.
Billy Masters
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