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19 April 2021

“I’m so glad to do this for The Actors Fund, because actors are not working.
Because restaurants are closed!”
– Mel Brooks on Stars in the House celebrating the 20^th anniversary of The Producers opening on Broadway.
He added – “And that’s what actors do – they work in restaurants. 80-percent waiters, 20-percent actors.
And they’re VERY good actors, and they’re lousy waiters”.

Colton Underwood is gay. This, of course, is no surprise to any of my loyal readers. Way back in September of 2018, I quoted Colton’s tearful farewell to Bachelor in Paradise: “I just honestly feel there’s something wrong with me, ‘cause I’ve never wanted something as bad as I wanted it to work. I want somebody I’m gonna spend the rest of my life with. I really did give it my all, I really did try. I don’t deserve her. I’m broken.” I followed that up with, “You’re not broken…you’re just…” I honestly believe that the last person to know Colton was gay was Colton. Sure, he had those feelings since high school. But given his background, he fought it – and even attempted suicide. So, his finally coming out is a good thing.

What most people don’t know is how these things get orchestrated. His coming out interview with Robin Roberts is a major storyline for a new Netflix reality show, which has been in production for weeks. On said show, he’ll be “guided” (their word) by Gus Kenworthy – and I think we all know where that’ll end up. Many gay men have voiced their dissent. I suspect jealousy plays a part – Colton is attractive, has some money, has been on TV, and now is getting paid to sleep with a bunch of hot guys. Or am I projecting? BTW, he “wrote” a book that came out last March called, ironically enough, The First Time: Finding Myself and Looking for Love on Reality TV. The paperback edition was released a few weeks ago, and the cover promised “With a New Afterword”. It’s amazing how out of date a book can become in a matter of days.

Someone doing an about-face (or flipping another part of his anatomy) is Billy Eichner. When Colton was The Bachelor, Eichner appeared on that show saying, “I’m gay. I know that’s a shock, Colton…Maybe you’re the first gay Bachelor and we don’t even know!” Of course, Colton laughed – in that way he wouldn’t have if Kenworthy were making the quip (not that I think he could land that joke). Billy has since apologized for the barb in light of Colton coming out – and because, you know, Colton’s hot.

Eichner is poised to make a bit of Hollywood history himself. Bros is a film project at Universal which is starring, co-written, and produced by Billy. It’s being touted as the first gay rom-com by a major Hollywood studio. This project has been in the works since 2019 and is slated to be released late next summer.

Last week, Billy Masters LIVE was all about the British royals. Between Harry and Meghan and William and Kate, we had lots to talk about with royal expert, Richard Mineards. And then Prince Philip up and died – not unexpected at age 99. Mineards was right on the money, and everything he told us would happen did. Of course, you can watch Billy Masters LIVE, which you can watch on our YouTube channel Billy Masters TV or on BillyMasters.com/TV.

For me – a vociferous Anglophile (although I do sleep with non-Brits) – I found Prince Philip’s funeral a sad event. Not for Philip, but for poor Queen Elizabeth II. If there’s anything sadder than watching an old woman with a hump shuffle into a church all alone, it’s seeing said woman sitting by herself in a section of a chapel designed for hundreds! But all eyes were on William and Harry. Per the prepared choreography of the day, they were separated during the procession to St. George’s Chapel by their cousin, Peter Phillips (Princess Anne’s son). To be more accurate, while Pete stood between the brothers, he purposely walked a step behind. And here’s a fun fact – when Phillips was born, QE2 offered to give him a title as a courtesy since he was her first grandchild. Both of his parents declined. Keep that in mind next time you hear grumblings about titles. While William and Harry were separated walking to the chapel, they walked out together – accompanied by Kate.

By the by, either we gays are more popular than anyone imagined, or we just love the royals. CNN’s coverage was anchored by Anderson Cooper and Richard Quest. ABC had Mrs. Muir and James Longman. The televised event was somewhat contentious in the UK. Permission for news websites to livestream the funeral was denied. Buckingham Palace said that in the UK, the only place to watch it online was on the Royal Family’s YouTube channel. Prior to the funeral, their channel only had 779K subscribers. It’s now up to 815K. Talk about clickbait.

Princess Diana Comes Out! Well, that’s what all the headlines said. Emma Corrin – who plays Diana on The Crown” – posted some photos on Instagram in a wedding dress from a photo spread in Pop magazine with the caption “ur fave queer bride” and the hashtags #POP44 OUT NOW.

The musical about Princess Diana was in previews on Broadway when the pandemic hit. It’s been announced that the show will resume previews on December 1^st, and opening night is now scheduled for December 16^th. Should you not be able to score tix (or not be ready to attend a public gathering), you can watch the show from the comfort of your own home courtesy of Netflix. During the pandemic, the production resumed rehearsals with strict Covid protocols, recorded a cast album, and filmed a performance onstage without an audience. It drops on October 1^st.

In 1999, the UK series Queer As Folk marked a watershed moment in gay storytelling – thanks to creator Russell T Davies (who also helmed the recent It’s a Sin). Queer spawned several international versions, including the splashy US series for Showtime. Since we’ve gotten a reboot of The L Word, one assumed a new Queer would be forthcoming. We’re told that the issue of rights delayed that project. At long last, a reboot is in development for Peacock. Rather than the UK setting of Manchester or the US setting of Pittsburgh, this new version will take place in New Orleans. Thus far, there are precious few details – except that no characters from any previous series are expected.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Frank in Detroit: “I heard Sebastian Stan shows all in his new movie. Do you have it?”

Have it, love it, happy to share it – which is what I say to pretty much everything…except dessert. In the new movie Monday, the sexy Sebastian and onscreen galpal decide to ride a motorcycle through the streets of Athens completely naked. Needless to say, this leads to a traffic infraction – probably due to helmet laws! So, yes, his walk of shame is completely au naturel. And, naturally, you can see it on BillyMasters.com.

When we’re showing Sebastian’s hog, it’s time to end another column. And what a column it was! Love, death, the pursuit of happiness. The only thing missing was taxes – thank God for that extension. You know what won’t tax you? Going to www.BillyMasters.com – the site that always delivers a big return. If you have a question, send it to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I’ll get back to you before Colton loses his gay virginity (which, I suspect, might require the assistance of a time machine). So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

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