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11 January 2021

“Harry Styles is looking REALLY good. I’m into the fishnets. And we have very similar tastes.
I think sharing a closet, sharing a life together, it just makes sense.”
– Miley Cyrus. I’d rather see Harry with Miley’s ex, Cody Simpson, but that’s me. Either way,
it’s gonna be a pretty packed closet. But, to paraphrase Joan Rivers, at least they’ll double their wardrobe.

Who would you die for? It may say something horrid about me, but not a single person springs to mind. People often say they’d die for their child – that’s their problem. But would you get on a plane, during a pandemic, and purposely and premeditatively lay down your life for anyone in public office? Because there are people who follow El Presidente and are happily willing to die for him – no Kool-Aid required. I don’t get it, I don’t understand it, but there it is. It’s as clear as that touring company of Les Misérables that was playing in DC last week!

Speaking of dying, Tanya Roberts is dead. And, yes, this time it took. After I sent out my last column, a friend chastised me for not mentioning the death of the last lady to join TV’s Charlie’s Angels – to say nothing of Sheena (of the jungle, not of Easton). The next morning, I woke up to find her alive! As I said to Loni Anderson on Billy Masters LIVE last season: I read about that once before in a book…and I didn’t buy it then! Being a cynic, I thought it was a publicity stunt. Tanya’s dead; then she’s alive; then she writes a book; then she’s on The View. No such luck. Rest in peace, Tanya. And let her death be a cautionary tale – pee before walking your dog. The more you know…

It didn’t take Meghan McCain long to stir things up on The View. She does two things I can’t stand: 1) she repeats the same point three times in a single sentence without pausing for a breath; and B) she gets mad when people interrupt her – which she does incessantly. On Meghan’s second day, she interrupted Joy – who stood her ground and said, “Excuse me, I’m not done.” McCain teased that Joy missed her when she was on maternity leave. “I did not! I did not miss you! ZERO!” Make no mistake – the queen of interrupting is Joy Behar. When doing a virtual talk show, you must wait for someone to stop speaking before you start – or nobody hears anything. Behar has something to say after virtually every person speaks. What they should do is turn off people’s mikes until it is their time to talk. That tip was free – no charge, ABC.

You all know that Taylor Dayne and Terri Nunn from Berlin (the group, not the city) performed at Mar-a-Lago on New Year’s Eve. And, predictably, they were widely criticized – mostly from the gay community. Nunn issued the following statement: “I am truly sorry I performed at Mar-a-Lago and would not have done so if I’d known what I learned while I was there.” It went on, you but get the gist. It reminds me of those people at the TSA checkpoint who don’t know you can’t bring liquids on a plane. Do they live under a rock? On the other hand, Taylor doubled down. “I’m saddened by all this…I try to stay non political and non judgment and not preach…I wish for all to be who they need to be…and find their way.” Again, there’s more to it, but here’s the bottom line – they each cashed the check (presumably the checks cleared).

Aaron Schock spent his New Year’s Eve partying in Brazil – which sounds delightful. While the specifics of the soirée are unknown, photos reveal the revelers as hot guys not wearing masks (or much clothing). I am tickled by those who criticize him, specifically Gays Over COVID – which sounds like the worst Disney ride EVER! “He has no apparent source of income but lord he is obsessed with his abs,” said one person. Jealous much? P.S. – they are good abs, as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

BTW, yes, I knew about the capsized boat during the Mexican New Year’s Eve festivities (and shout-out to Bruce Vilanch for asking first). I just didn’t think it worthy of mention. Now we hear that a gay couple ODed, while another man fell from a window to his death. In short, just another circuit party.

While reports suggest that our lives may resume in the Spring, the fallout on Broadway will be ongoing. The hit musical Mean Girls has announced it will not be resuming performances, and they aren’t the only one. The musical version of Beetlejuice was playing at the Winter Garden Theatre. Over the holidays, that set was struck and a stagehand plummeted to his death. The next tenant will be The Music Man starring Hugh Jackman – no body count thus far. Rumor has it Beetlejuice could be relocated.

Paramount has announced plans for a film version of Spamalot, which was based on the film Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Eric Idle, who wrote the previous two, will write this third incarnation. Not to be outdone, the musical version of The Color Purple, which was based on the movie of the same name (to say nothing of the book), will be filmed as well.

Joan Collins is poised to publish yet another memoir. Life AD stands for Life After Dynasty – although I anticipate many more “AD” jokes. Her publisher says “the 87-year-old actress’s diary entries are unapologetic”, and adds that she “doesn’t care”. I bet she cares that they’re revealing she’s 87. They also claim that Dame Joan’s diaries are “as scandalous as Andy Warhol’s.” In a recent interview, Collins described this pandemic as the worst thing she’s ever lived through – including the Bubonic Plague (and there’s your first “AD” joke).

No, Chris Harrison is not leaving The Bachelor franchise. Everyone got into a tizzy when he relocated to Barton Creek, TX. He simply moved there to be close to his son, who just started studies at – wait for it – Texas Christian University (locals call it by another name). Might I add, piously, that said son is REALLY hot and has a great head…of hair.

Our Ask Billy question harkens back to the riots in DC. Roger in Detroit asks, “Who is Phil Mattingly? I saw him covering the riots for CNN and, gosh, he’s handsome.”

He is indeed. He’s bordering on dashing. Let me first answer your unwritten question – he’s straight. Well, presumably he’s straight. The strapping 36-year-old newsman has been married to a woman since 2010, and they have three kids. He is, however, very gay-friendly and has supported many gay causes via Twitter. He’s also shared his workout regime with Men’s Health – which is typically a precursor to a coming out story, but perhaps he’s the exception. He reveals that when he doesn’t stick to the gym, it takes a terrible toll on him. He loses weight! And he thinks being a morning person is why people hate him.

When there’s one more angel in heaven and another one on CNN, it’s time to end yet another column. No new nudes in this column (other than Schock), but you never know what will pop up on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’s a little devilish. If you have a question, send it off to to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Tanya rises…again! So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

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