15 July 2019
“My driver asked me if I went to the Pride parade yesterday.
Why would I go? I knew I would see everyone there here tonight.”
– Barbra Streisand shares an anecdote during her recent concert in Hyde Park the day after London Pride.
Having watched nearly every episode of LA Law and countless hours of Judge Judy, I consider myself somewhat of a legal expert. So, it is my unaccredited opinion that there is no precedent for retroactively applying the Fifth Amendment. And yet, that is what Kevin Spacey’s accuser, Will Little, did last week. After cockily answering questions on the stand, Mr. Little was reminded that, should any of his statements prove to be false, he could face several charges, including a felony for tampering with evidence. Suddenly a recess was called. I don’t remember exactly how long it lasted, but I was able to find out that psycho Thomas killed Emma on The Bold and the Beautiful. When we returned to the Nantucket courtroom, not only did Mr. Little refuse to answer any more questions – citing the Fifth Amendment right to not incriminate himself – he also asked that everything he had said earlier be stricken from the record. The judge then told the prosecutor that given that they suddenly had no evidence (i.e., the cell phone) and no witness (i.e., Mr. Little), they may want to reconsider proceeding with criminal charges…lest he make the decision for them. The next hearing is scheduled for July 31, but I believe a decision will be forthcoming much sooner.
And now, time for a sad story which I predict will make many of you happy. Gus Kenworthy and his beau Matt Wilkas have broken up. See? Aren’t you conflicted? You’re like, “Aww…they made such a cute couple and they seemed so happy.” On the other hand, you’re thinking, “Hmm…two really hot gay guys are suddenly single.” I wish I had some dirt for you – or even rumors of a third party. For now, we rely on the official statement: “Gus and Matt are taking time apart. They love and support each other and remain close friends.” Someone in the know says it happened at the end of June. That’s Pride Month for you – some relationships make it, some don’t.
Didya know that Kenworthy and Wilkas actually met online? Get your minds out of the gutter – they met on Instagram. But gay apps are in the news. I recently told you that the gay hook-up app Jack’d suffered a data breach which left thousands of users’ private photos open to the public. This led to a ruling that they had to pay a $240K settlement. In the midst of that, a much more popular app, Scruff, came in and bought Jack’d – probably for a song.
In a post-Pride Month story, Philippine President Duterte says he was once briefly gay. Believe it or not, the staunchly anti-gay politician claims that he was gay before he met his ex-wife. “But I cured myself.” How? He doesn’t get into that, but I’m picturing it had something to do with a men’s room at the Manila International Airport.
People seem to be very concerned about mermaids of color. Personally, I’ve never really given the subject much thought. If I did, I’d also wonder how Ariel keeps her red tresses looking so luxurious. Perhaps it’s all the kelp. With word circulating that Melissa McCarthy is the odds-on favorite to play Ursula in the live-action film version of The Little Mermaid, I can hardly wait to hear the inevitable uproar from the octopus community.
Several media outlets are reporting that Meghan McCain is considering breaking her contract and not returning to The View next season. The most shocking part of this story is the revelation that Meg only makes $1 million a year. That may sound like a lot of money, but it’s peanuts by TV standards. According to yet another “unnamed source”, Meghan “feels like a caged animal”. If nothing else, she now knows how kids at the border feel! Meanwhile ABC dismissed the rumor, saying, “The co-hosts and The View have had an incredible season, and we expect them all back for an epic year ahead.” It stands to reason that the panel will not play musical chairs during an election year. There has even been some speculation that Barbara Walters will be back for the election. I predict that’ll only happen courtesy of James Van Praagh!
After Netflix dropped One Day at a Time, the producers hoped some other network would pick it up. The show has been universally acclaimed, but Netflix had gone as far as they could. So, bravo to Pop TV for stepping up for the show’s fourth season. Any time we get more Rita Moreno is cause for celebration.
A pair of interesting priest stories came across my desk. And if you know anything about me, I’m always interested in priests coming. First we heard about Father Pierre Valkering, who is a Catholic priest in Amsterdam. The controversy began when he published a memoir in which he talked about his past as a sexually active gay man. Obviously not an Earth-shattering revelation when it comes to Catholic priests. He spoke openly about going to gay sex clubs – in particular, “dark rooms”. Then during his priest days, he became addicted to gay porn. Despite all of this being in the past, the Amsterdam Peace Church dumped him. Father Pierre wasn’t surprised. “It is clear that with this book I am going on particularly slippery ice, or even a minefield.”
Should Pierre be considering a change of profession, he may want to consider becoming a gay porn actor. Scoff if you must, but he wouldn’t be the first ex-priest to make this transition. Norm Self has appeared in four gay porn films since his retirement in 2017. Oh, did I neglect to mention that he’s 85 years old? I think he’s outlived a cougar and could possibly be considered a tyrannosaurus rex! He went public about his vocation in the documentary, On The Game: The Sex Business. He came to the decision pretty matter-of-factly. “We are going to have sex anyway, so why not make it a liberating and bonding experience instead of hiding it away in the shadows?” While I applaud the sentiment, I hope you’ll forgive me if I stop short of fully researching this story.
Some of you have asked what I think of this Renée Zellweger/Judy Garland film. I have seen the trailer, and the word that springs to mind is “disastrous”. The next word that springs to mind is “ill-conceived”. Or is that two words? How about “God-awful”? I could go on…
Our Ask Billy question concerns a summer replacement. Jed in San Francisco writes, “The star of Blood & Treasure is really hot. Where did he come from? Do you have any photos of him naked?”
That would be Matt Barr, who I think of as a good-looking Bradley Cooper. If that interests you, read on Macduff. The young Mr. Barr was born a day after moi (well, a day and a couple of decades). And like me, he’s blond-ish. He’s scruffier and buffer and certainly not opposed to showing off his impressive physique. Perhaps you’ve seen him in Hellcats or Harper’s Island – which don’t ring any bells with me. He also had a brief role in The House Bunny. Nothing? Well, they say a photo is worth a thousand words. Since we’re well over that limit, we’ll simply post some photos of Matt Bare…eh, Barr. Well, both. You see, he showed quite a bit in the film Ten Inch Hero – let’s just say the title pretty much says it all. If that whets your appetite, check out BillyMasters.com.
When we’re bringing you buff & treasure (and then some), it’s definitely time to end another column. By the time you read this, I’ll be off on my regularly scheduled summer sojourn to parts unknown. Unlike Anthony Bourdain, I fully intend to come back alive. In the meantime, keep checking www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’s all the rage in the rectory. If you have a question, send it to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before I plead the Fifth. Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.
Billy Masters
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