Our Ask Billy question this week comes from Warren in San Francisco: “Did you see Ma?  Nobody has mentioned it, but I’m sure I saw Luke Evans’ penis when Octavia Spencer cut it off.  Was it really his dick?”

At the time the film was released, Luke posted the following on social media: “So…who has seen @MAmovie?  And is wondering about that scene…you know the one…”  I didn’t see it – the movie or the penis.  So I went and looked for it – the movie and the penis.  And I saw it – both.  What pokes out from under the sheets is a rather substantial flaccid phallus.  And it sure looked real to me.  Decide for yourself on BillyMasters.com.

Someone else who has been caught in flagrante delicto is the lovely Orlando Bloom.  Earlier this month, he was on Howard Stern – well, he was on Howard’s show.  During the lengthy interview, the subject of those nude photos of him with Katy Perry came up (up being the operative word, as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com).  Orlando took a bit of bloom off the photos by saying, “It is really not that big.  Things are expanded on camera with a big optical lens.  It is an optical illusion.”  Well, I guess images could appear bigger in photos, but I’d really need to see it for myself.

Speaking of legal briefs, Aaron Schock dodged a bullet when the prosecutor dropped all criminal charges against him.  Since I’m sure you’re far more acquainted with his nude photos and videos (all of which are mandatory viewing on BillyMasters.com), let me remind you that he was accused of misusing taxpayer dollars for his office redecoration and travel for himself and “companions”.

However, all is not dory for the hunky Schock.  Last week, Aaron showed up at Revolver in West Hollywood.  It happened to be karaoke night, hosted by local drag performer Jonnie Reinhart.  So, let’s break this down – a hot-but-closeted politician goes into a gay bar where a drag queen has a microphone.  What could possibly go wrong?  Reinhart decided to sing a song, which she introduced thusly: “This song is dedicated to someone who’s in the audience and it goes out to anybody who votes against gay rights”.  Her choice was Lily Allen’s “F You”.  Reinhart later said, “I figured he would get the message and I actually thought that he would just leave…but he didn’t.”

Jonnie allegedly went up to Schock privately.  “I explained to him why I was upset that he was there, why other people were upset that he was there, and I basically told him that he wasn’t going to be welcomed in gay spaces until he began the process of apologizing and healing the harm that his actions have caused.”  Reinhart says, “Then he shared his experience of being publicly outed and he spoke about his family’s reaction to him being gay.”  Details, please.  “He’s actually no longer a public official, so it feels a bit slimy for me to say everything that he told me.  Basically he told me his family’s reaction was not positive – it was very bad.  And he insisted that he wasn’t looking for sympathy, and he said that he was working on putting out a statement.”

I wasn’t the only one who made out with the law (literally).  Felicity Huffman had some luck during the sentencing for her part in the Operation Varsity Blues case.  You’ll recall that Felicity paid $15K to the Key Worldwide Foundation for someone to take the SATs for her daughter.  How stupid.  Never leave a paper trail; always use cash!  You’d think someone who had been on Desperate Housewives would know better.  Huffman admitted guilt, appeared remorseful, and threw herself on the mercy of the court.  The result?  She was sentenced to 14 days in jail, $30K in fines, and 250 hours of community service.  I know I’m in the minority here, but why jail time?  And I’m not singling Huffman out – why jail time for anyone?  Skip jail (which costs taxpayers) and just increase the fine.

Someone who I’m sure is watching this case very closely is Lori Loughlin, who paid $500K to get her bratty daughter, Olivia Jade, into college (where she probably attended classes for less than 14 days).  Given that Loughlin is not admitting guilt, is not repentant, and is fighting the charges, her inevitable sentencing should be harsher.  On a purely mathematical level, since Huffman got two weeks for $15K, Loughlin would be lucky to get 66 weeks in the pokey!  Some are claiming that Lori is a secret genius – which is the only kinda genius she could be.  Between her various motions and demands, heaven knows when her trial will begin.  On the other hand, rumor has it that the pending litigation is taking a toll on her marriage.  Or, as I like to call it, a win/win.

This week’s Ask Billy question is one many of you had.  Karl in Chicago writes, “You said James Van Der Beek will be on Dancing with the Stars.  But hasn’t he already done that show?  You ran photos of him dancing.”

Yes and no.  While playing a fictionalized version of himself on Don’t Trust The B—- in Apartment 23, his character competed on DWTS.  Alas, his competition included Dean Cain – back when you wanted to see him in Spandex.  To calm down, Beek drank something he shouldn’t.  You can see how it turned out on BillyMasters.com.

When Dawson’s going up the creek without a samba, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Before closing, I must acknowledge the passing of Project Runway alum Chris March.  He was one of those people who lit up a room.  He was a formidable presence and a big personality to match.  Very quick, very catty, and beyond talented – my kinda guy.  It’s being reported that he had a massive heart attack at 56.  Although I’m heading down to Florida this week, I am always updating www.BillyMasters.com – the site that happens to be very popular with conversion therapy professionals.  If you have a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before the NFL sends rookies to Ben Crosswhite for training (yes, that’s what we’re calling it now).  Until next time, remember one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Details of Ryan Murphy’s marriage with Netflix are starting to take shape.  There’s a new show called The Politician which debuts later this month and stars Ben Platt, Jessica Lange and Gwyneth Paltrow.  Speaking of Miss Lange, she will star in a series about the legendary Marlene Dietrich.  Ryan also plans lots of Broadway-centric shows, including the just-filmed The Boys in the Band starring the entire cast from last year’s Broadway hit, a film version of the Broadway musical The Prom starring Nicole Kidman and Meryl Streep, and a miniseries about A Chorus Line.  There will be a limited series about designer Halston starring Ewan McGregor, and a docuseries about Andy Warhol.  Most tantalizing for me are two projects.  One is a series called Ratched starring Sarah Paulson in the origin story of the nurse from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.  Paulson’s real-life love, Holland Taylor, will join Patti LuPone for Hollywood, which explores Tinseltown’s relationship with the sex industry.  That series will also star Darren Criss, who is an executive producer, and is due to debut next May.

Then there’s Jerry Falwell Jr. and Ben Crosswhite, his “personal trainer” (so that’s what we’re calling it now).  It’s been reported that in 2016, Falwell signed documents transferring ownership of an 18-acre fitness facility owned by Liberty University (his very Christian college) to Crosswhite, a recent Liberty graduate.  While the purchase price was $1.2 million, the university reduced that by $650K in order to lease the tennis courts back from him through 2025.  On top of that, Liberty financed the balance at 3-percent interest.  Such favorable terms leave me with one question – exactly what is Crosswhite training?  Publicly, Falwell credits Ben for helping him lose 75 pounds.  Whatever they were doing, I suspect the word “pound” was employed.  It bears mentioning that only a few weeks ago, we revealed that Falwell lent a young pool attendant in Miami almost $2 million to start a youth hostel.

Last week, Ryan O’Callaghan, an openly gay former member of the New England Patriots, released his memoir, My Life on the Line.  One passage has drawn quite a bit of interest: “I can promise you there’s plenty of closeted NFL players.  I think it’s safe to say there’s at least one on every team who is either gay or bisexual.”

A week before that book was released, NFL free agent Ryan Russell published an essay on ESPN.com.  Here’s the salient passage: “Today, I have two goals: returning to the NFL, and living my life openly.  I want to live my dream of playing the game I’ve worked my whole life to play, and being open about the person I’ve always been.”  Apparently that person isn’t gay – he’s bisexual.  Let’s check back in a few months and see how that’s going.

The next day, I zipped down to Provincetown to hang out with some more contemporary queens and pay homage to the incredible Marilyn Maye – 91 and still going strong.  She’s in outstanding voice and has more energy than ever.  The crowd loves her, I love her, and she loves us all.  She really is our Queen Mum.  This lovefest took place at the Ptown Art House, where she has held court for the past nine years, so it’s truly one big happy family.  As usual, the show was expertly led by the spectacular Billy Stritch, who never disappoints.

I kept hearing about the musical Six, which has been taking England by storm.  It’s now invaded the States and is currently at the American Repertory Theater in Cambridge following a sold-out eight-week run in Chicago.  A hot new musical?  About the wives of Henry VIII?  Done in a single 80-minute act?  I’m in!  The show is staged as a concert featuring Henry’s six wives as members of a female empowering girl group.  These ladies are competing to determine which wife got the short end of the stick (and, according to one of the wives, Henry possessed a mighty short stick).  They also want to rehabilitate how history has portrayed them and come out of the shadows of a misogynistic male.  The songs are of the Beyoncé/Adele/Kelly Clarkson ilk, and the lyrics – while taking some liberties with history – are clever and educational.  It’s kinda like a #MeToo version of Schoolhouse Rock.  The queens are each splendid, and the kick-ass band (Ladies in Waiting) provides ample oomph.  The atmosphere is electric from start till the inevitable encore.  If you wanna see the next big thing on Broadway, get thee to the ART.  It closes on September 29^th and what few tickets remaining can be found at AmericanRepertoryTheater.org.

John Travolta should never, ever be a presenter on a live award show.  At the MTV Video Music Awards last week, Travolta and Queen Latifah were presenting “Video of the Year”.  Sidebar – am I the only person who found the coupling of Travolta and Latifah, well, “curious”?  Travolta, knowing his penchant for malaprops, handed the envelope to Latifah quipping, “I shouldn’t do this because I’ll just mispronounce shit and fuck it up.”  Latifah announced Taylor Swift – an easy name to say.  Travolta assumed the role of Miss Golden Globes and presented Swift with the statue.  But, wait…that wasn’t Taylor Swift.  He actually handed the award to Jade Jolie – a drag queen who appears in Swift’s video “You Need to Calm Down”, which is a pro-LGBTQ anthem.  Sidebar again – am I the only one who notes the irony of having Queen Latifah and John Travolta give an award to a video which encourages people to come out?  Anyhoo, Todrick Hall (who produced the video) says that he spoke with Taylor backstage and they laughed, and laughed, and laughed.  In a related story, Gigi Hadid (someone who I still really don’t have a clue) also once confused Jade Jolie with Taylor Swift.  It’s an epidemic!!!

You know the summer is over when hurricanes start hitting Florida.  As we go to press, we’re bracing to see what Dorian will do to the East Coast.  When flying out of Fort Lauderdale Airport days earlier, I read the account of a transgender woman who had gone through the same airport two years ago.  According to the 36-year-old, she required a pat-down because TSA’s full-body scanner detected an issue around her groinal area.  A female officer took her to a private room, gave her the pat-down, and seemed surprised at what she found.  “If the issue is what you are feeling, let me tell you what this is – it is my penis,” said the woman.  This apparently caused quite a stir and required two more officers and a supervisor.  They determined the trans woman would need a second pat-down by a male officer – which I would have thought made sense since a penis was detected.  But I’m wrong.  Apparently policy dictates pat-downs must be done by an officer of the same gender as that which is presented by the traveler.  So, penis or no penis, since this person presented as female, the pat-down by a female officer was correct.  When the traveler in question refused to be patted-down by a male officer, TSA refused to let her through security.  “Can I just show you?” she asked.  Although this too is against policy, nobody objected.  The penis was presented, and the lady made her flight.  While I find this story informative, I also find it insulting.  With all the flying I do, not once has anyone patted me down – and I’ve never been shy about whipping out my dick in public!

Since I’m in Fort Lauderdale this week, I was able to see the world premiere of Pray the Gay Away, starring the Zakar Twins (based on their best-selling book).  The boys previously made it into this column last August, when they accused a photographer of sexual assault.  Alas, that storyline didn’t make it into this show, which is billed as “A true life coming out comedy”.  You know how Jerry Seinfeld surrounded himself with a talented cast of actors on “Seinfeld”?  The Zakars have done the same thing – and for the same reason.  Vince Kelley all but steals the show as their mother, knocking the fourth wall down with aplomb and reacting on the spot to mishaps (like singing during his entrance, saying, “That was supposed to be my sound cue”).  Close behind Vince in the scene-stealing category was Jeffrey James Fox, who plays numerous roles – most of which require nudity.  It is rare to find someone you’d want to see naked who not only can act but also is funny.  Fox is one such person.  Cory Shorter made it clear he was the star of every scene he was in, while Zachary James Morgan held up the rear…literally. 

As to the Zakar Twins, one must admire them.  They’ve taken virtually nothing and developed a following based on…well, virtually nothing.  If you want to see them nude, save your money – that doesn’t happen here.  If you expect some mildly incestuous twin action, you’ll also be disappointed (for that, check out BillyMasters.com).  If anything, the boys come off decidedly asexual.  They’ve got spunk, but I hate spunk.  They have perseverance, but they don’t have presence.  They’ve created a brand, but they can’t even convincingly play themselves.  In spite of them, the show is entertaining.  So, even with all these caveats, I recommend going.  And you may get the chance to see it since the show is touring.  This world premiere was billed as a National Off-Broadway Tour.  Well, it doesn’t get more off-Broadway than Fort Lauderdale.  Keep up with the boys and their travails at ZakarTwins.com.

“My nerves are frayed, I’m gonna take a Valium and watch it.” 
– Billy Porter on his Pose sex scene.

While Billy Porter has had a great year, it hasn’t been without some ups and downs.  When he got the script for a recently aired episode of Pose, Porter was shocked to learn he’d be doing a love scene – with nudity!  He always knew it was a possibility.  “Listen, listen to me.  I got that contract and that contract said, ‘Nudity Clause’, and I literally sat and went, ‘Child, they don’t want to see my black ass.’  And I signed it, never thinking in a million years that anybody would call me on it.  These bitches wrote a script where I show my ass!”  Still, he took it not only in stride, but as a major stride forward.  “I have spent my entire career not being the object of anyone’s affection.  They cut our dicks off.  So to be turning 50 on September 21, and having a very loving, connected sex scene is sort of blowing my mind.”  You can check out the scene on BillyMasters.com.

Elsewhere on ABC, we got the heavily promoted Bachelor lesbian relationship.  For those of you who don’t watch Bachelor in Paradise, alums from the franchise are thrown together on a secluded resort, ostensibly in hopes of finding romance.  If they are unsuccessful in making a connection, they’re booted off – after creating havoc.  This year, we have Demi – a cast-off from Colton’s season who claims to have recently experimented with lesbianism.  Although she made a connection with mega-hot Derek on the show, she also harbored feelings for her hometown lady-love.  She voiced these concerns to Chris Harrison.  In the past, anyone in such a conflict would simply leave Paradise.  But suddenly, as if a gift from the gods, Demi’s lesbian lover almost immediately materialized in Paradise – in a way that I’m sure was not intended to appear planned.  The two women reunited with the most non-sexual, awkward kisses ever, went public to the rest of the cast, and everyone applauded Demi for her bravery…with the exception of Derek, who awkwardly shook hands with his female replacement.  You probably expected the ladies would leave Paradise happily ever after.  But, surprise, Chris Harrison said they could stay and explore their relationship on-camera.  Presumably, more drama will ensue.

Another year, another season of Dancing with the Stars.  As in recent years, the term “stars” is being used loosely.  I certainly consider James Van Der Beek, Christie Brinkley and Mary Wilson stars.  And I suppose one or two of the others are notables in their fields.  But the bulk of the lineup is what I like to refer to as a “bunch of nobodies”.  One name is getting lots of attention – former White House press secretary Sean Spicer.  Political figures are nothing new to DWTS.  But this one has drawn the ire of an unlikely person – host Tom Bergeron.

It is unusual for Bergeron to voice an opinion about a contestant, and unheard of for him to criticize his own network.  But Tom did both.  In a lengthy statement, while acknowledging that he has no say in the show’s casting, he discussed a lunch meeting he had with the executive producer regarding the direction of the show.  He hoped that DWTS “would be a joyful respite from our exhausting political climate and free of inevitably divisive bookings from ANY political affiliations.  I left that lunch convinced we were in agreement.  Subsequently (and rather obviously), a decision was made to, as we often say in Hollywood, ‘go in a different direction.’”  

While Bergeron didn’t name anyone specifically, it’s clear what he meant by “divisive bookings from ANY political affiliation.”  Spicer took the bait and responded via The Blast: “Tom has been a great host to this show for 28 seasons.  I actually think that this show is a great opportunity to be an example, how we can have better dialogue and respectfully learn from each other.  I would hope by the end of the show Tom looks at this as more of an opportunity to help reach the divide that exists right now.”  I wouldn’t hold my breath.

Women are not exempt from committing sexual assault.  According to model Josh Kloss, while appearing in the music video for “Teenage Dream”, Katy Perry left him feeling “pathetic and embarrassed”.  He thought things were going well on the set.  “When other people were around she was cold as ice even called the act of kissing me ‘gross’ to the entire set while filming.”  Despite being embarrassed, he got through the shoot – with Katy once inviting him to go to a strip club (he declined).  Later, they ran into each other at a birthday party.  “And when I saw her, we hugged and she was still my crush. But as I turned to introduce my friend, she pulled my Adidas sweats and underwear out as far as she could to show a couple of her guy friends and the crowd around us, my penis.  Can you imagine how pathetic and embarrassed i felt?”  I can’t imagine – but that’s because I haven’t seen Kloss’ penis.

This leads into yet another Fayewatch which, of course, is connected with Dunaway’s disastrous Boston run of the play Tea at Five.  This story isn’t about Faye being fired; it’s about Faye firing her assistant.  According to documents filed in Manhattan Supreme Court, Michael Rocha began working as Faye’s personal assistant on April 5^th and was paid $1500/week.  He would do her shopping, remind her to take her meds, plan her schedule, and get her to places on time – so now we know who to blame.  He claims that Faye called him “a little homosexual boy” and referred to people around her as “little gay people”.  We don’t have to take his word for it – the little one recorded Faye making the offensive comments.  He went to the general manager and production’s lawyer.  In short order he was fired, being told that Faye “is not comfortable with you anymore”.  He is suing for unspecified damages.  Faye Dunaway – the gift that keeps on giving.

What’s not funny is sexual assault.  But in the current climate where career-ending accusations come fast and furious, where does due process fit in?  What ever happened to innocent until proven guilty?  Case in point – Don Lemon.  According to reports, he was in Sag Harbor last July and had an encounter with bartender Dustin Hice, who is suing for unspecified damages stemming from emotional pain and loss of earnings.  Hice was working at a bar called Murf’s.  According to his statement, Hice “tried to get Mr. Lemon’s attention and offered to buy Mr. Lemon a drink.”  Don apparently declined.  Later, Hice claims that Lemon “put his hand down the front of his own shorts, and vigorously rubbed his genitalia, removed his hand and shoved his index and middle finger in Plaintiff’s moustache and under Plaintiff’s nose.”  He then asked Hice, “Do you like pussy or dick?”  The “attack” has left Mr. Hice with “feelings of shame, humiliation, anxiety, anger, and guilt” – in other words, the way I felt in Casablanca!

Reports indicate that Mr. Hice asked Lemon for $1.5 million not to file the suit.  Lemon (again) declined.  Hice then posted a photo standing in front of CNN headquarters with the caption, “touring the #CNN center today…or as #Trump would say, ‘the home of Fake News’ lol.”  As for the network, CNN is standing by Don Lemon, stating, “The plaintiff in this lawsuit has previously displayed a pattern of contempt for CNN on his social media accounts.  This claim follows his unsuccessful threats and demands for an exorbitant amount of money from Don Lemon.  Don categorically denies these claims and this matter does not merit any further comment at this time.”

Should you ever have the opportunity to visit Casablanca – don’t.  Although the people were lovely (and God knows the local gays are hungry for tourists), nobody mentioned that I was arriving on Eid al-Adha.  I’m not exactly sure what this holiday is all about, but to celebrate they drag sheep and goats into the street, kill them, and cook them on bonfires while children play with the horns.  So it’s kinda like our Groundhog Day!  Between the thick black smoke and trying to avoid the torrents of blood pouring down the streets, I could barely make out the man pulling a cart to collect the bloodstained pelts.  It was all quite nauseating.  When I saw one lone sheep tied to a post on the outskirts of town, I considered setting it free.  Then I realized both of us would be caught and killed within minutes…and I ain’t giving up my pelt to anyone.  Sorry, sheep, but it’s survival of the fittest.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Grant in Long Beach: “I just saw Rocketman and fell in love with Richard Madden.  I keep reading he’s gay in real life.  So, once and for all, is he or isn’t he?”

Let me answer this question with a seemingly unrelated story.  Months ago, I reported that Marvel planned to make a film about their gay superhero, Ikaris – who has complete control over his physical form and never ages.  Talk about a gay superpower!  It was rumored that the company would only consider casting an openly gay Asian actor.  Well, it was just announced that the role will be played by…Richard Madden, who has heretofore avoided any discussions about his personal life.  We’ll see how long that lasts.

When Ikaris isn’t being played by Scarlett Johansson, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  It’s also time to get out of Casablanca – I’m getting tired of being called Ilsa!  I’m also looking forward to returning to the United States.  Of course, I’m not returning to reality – I’m going directly to Provincetown.  Details of that trip will likely show up on www.BillyMasters.com – the site where nobody’s keeping score.  If you have any specific questions, send them along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Richard Madden reveals he’s part Asian!  Until next time, remember one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

There have been several attempts to bring the story of Liberace to the stage.  While none of those projects have made it very far, a new one based on HBO’s Behind the Candelabra is being produced by David Permut.  He says his ideal Liberace would be Bradley Cooper.  ‘Cause when I think of Liberace, I naturally think of Bradley Cooper.

For the time being, Cooper is unavailable to play the piano prodigy because he’s slated to play another formidable musical giant – Leonard Bernstein.  Bradley Cooper will play the composer of West Side Story (among other things) and also direct the film for Paramount Pictures.  He’s also snagged Steven Spielberg and Martin Scorsese as co-producers.  You may recall there was a rival biopic about Bernstein in the works which would have starred Jake Gyllenhaal.  Alas, that project stalled when Cooper snagged the exclusive rights to Bernstein’s music from the composer’s family – a decision which was made after he volunteered to co-host a performance of Candide alongside Carey Mulligan, who happens to be the front runner to play Bernstein’s wife.  Clever boy.

The Broadway musical The Prom – which is about a lesbian couple who want to attend the prom together – made history by hosting an actual lesbian wedding onstage.  Armelle Kay Harper, who is the script coordinator, married Jody Kay Smith.  According to reports, audience members were surprised when the real-life wedding happened after the show’s curtain calls.  Although it was completely legal, a larger, more traditional ceremony is happening in Smith’s hometown next month.

During this trip, I spent quite a bit of time in Rome.  You know who else was there?  Kevin Spacey.  You’d think after getting off (not necessarily literally) in Nantucket, he’d be laying low.  But no, he tipped off the press that he’d be at the Palazzo Massimo alle Terme museum near the bronze statue of Boxer at Rest.  Once there, Kevin launched into a dramatic recitation of Italian poet Gabriele Tinti’s The Boxer.  The poem discusses how people used the battered boxer for their amusement and then cast him aside after he outlived his usefulness.  The only thing that could have made this spectacle more ridiculous is if he read it in the original Italian.  Instead, he opted for what I consider a pretty stilted English translation, which you can see on BillyMasters.com.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Terrence in New York: “Is it true that Chace Crawford shows all in some new movie he’s in?”

It’s not a movie.  It’s a new series from Amazon Prime called The Boys, which is based on the comic book of the same name.  The main characters are superheroes, many of whom are disgruntled with the company they work for.  Crawford plays The Deep, who rules the oceans – which means he’s not wearing a helluva lot of clothing.  From what I can see, his most prominent feature is a tan line which, yes, I will show on BillyMasters.com.

I was struck by an interesting anecdote shared by the show’s creator, Eric Kripke.  “There was one scene that Amazon said ‘Fuck, no – you have to cut it.’  I couldn’t quite understand why considering everything else we have in the show, but: Homelander [played by Antony Starr], after being dressed down by Stilwell in episode 2, was standing on one of the Chrysler building eagles.  He pulled his pants down and started jerking off, mumbling, ‘I can do whatever I want’ over and over again until he climaxed all over New York City.”  I can’t imagine why Amazon had a problem with that!

Joan Van Ark, Michele Lee and Donna Mills recently got together at the Hollywood Bowl for a fundraiser promoting classic music, which was hosted by The Jose Iturbi Foundation.  The Knots Landing trio revealed that they still maintain a close friendship.  “The truth is that we are, in fact, sisters,” said Van Ark.  This December marks the 40^th anniversary of the nighttime soap.  While the ladies hope for some sort of reunion special, they have another idea.  “A show that we were going to call We’re ‘Knot’ Done Yet,” says Van Ark.  “And we’re not.”

Tituss Burgess has been flying high on Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and is currently promoting his new CD, Saint Tituss.  But everyone is talking about his feud with Andy Cohen.  Tituss was on What Watch Happens Live and Cohen asked a viewer question about the film Burgess just made with Eddie Murphy.  Tituss was effusive in his praise for Murphy.  Then Andy asked, “Did you get to chat with him at all?”  Tituss said, “Of course I did.  Why wouldn’t I?”  Cohen added, “I just wondered if you got close at all because he was very problematic for the gays at one point when I was coming up.”  “Oh, I see.  He wasn’t problematic for Tituss….he was great and any troubles he may have had with gay people I guess are gone because he loved me.”  Fellow panelist Laverne Cox (wearing blue eye shadow) interjected, “It was a long time ago – people evolve.”  Meanwhile, Tituss batted his eyelashes while mouthing and gesturing something to the audience. “What was that?” Andy asked.  “Keep going, girl – do your show,” said Tituss.  We’re told that when the live telecast was over, Tituss quickly left the set and refused to sign the guest book, saying, “He knows I was here”.  Cohen was later asked if Tituss would be invited back.  “He’s been on four times.  He can do whatever he wants.  I just don’t want to offend him.”h

“But at the same time, my God, if you’re 3 years old and you’re saying you’re feeling a
certain way, or you think you’re a boy or a girl or whatever the case may be,
I just think it’s dangerous as a parent to make that determination then,
OK, well then you’re gonna be a boy or a girl, whatever the case may be.”    
– Mario Lopez shares his thoughts on transgender children during a podcast with pro-Trump
conservative Candace Owens.  BTW, he later apologized, saying, “The comments I made were
ignorant and insensitive, and I now have a deeper understanding of how hurtful they were.”

Remember when summer used to be filled with reruns?  That’s how I’m feeling about this week’s column.  Not that the stories are old, but many of them relate to days gone by.  Take our opening quote from Mario Lopez, where he incoherently babbles about transgender children.  Of course, Lopez has been a longstanding ally of the LGBTQ community and has since apologized.  But his rambling reminded me of Miss South Carolina’s answer when Mario hosted the 2007 Miss Teen USA pageant – a moment touted by most as epic in pageant history.  Back then, Mario tried to stifle a laugh.  Watch both clips on BillyMasters.com and see if you can do the same.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Russ in San Francisco: “I just watched Russian Doll and think Charlie Barnett is absolutely gorgeous.  Do you know anything about him?  Has he ever done nudity?”

I LOVED Russian Doll and have now watched it about five times, each time picking up something new.  As for Charlie Barnett, he’s having quite a year.  In addition to Russian Doll, he’s also in the new Tales of the City on Netflix.  He previously played gay on Chicago Fire, which was not a stretch since he’s openly gay.  Regarding nudity, parts of his anatomy seem to pop up in several productions, as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

Shawn Mendes is getting some flack regarding a coming out story – no, not his own.  At an Oakland, California meet and greet, a female fan asked Shawn to appear in a short video telling her parents that she’s gay.  “I’m bisexual and I haven’t told anybody, but my parents are very strict and I don’t know how to tell them, so I was wondering if you could do a little video.”  Shawn said, “This is what I want to tell you.  Your parents are your parents.  They’re going to love you no matter what you say, no matter how you say it, no matter how you look when you say it, at any time of the day.  Nothing I say is going to mean anything that is even close to what you saying it means to them, OK?”  He added, “Don’t ask me to do that.  And I would if I thought that it was a better thing to do, but I know in my heart it’s not.  I know your parents are going to just love you even more for being honest with them.”  While I completely agree that it’s not Shawn’s place to get involved, I think he’s making a whole lot of assumptions about this girl’s parents.  And, since I live to play devil’s advocate, do we know if: a) this girl is really bisexual and 2) she even has parents?  I mean, those Shawn Mendes fans can be pretty sneaky.

When we last heard from George Michael’s ex, he had barricaded himself in the late pop singer’s house…despite the fact that he was completely left out of the will.  A neighbor took some photos of the property revealing numerous smashed windows and water damage – which Fadi Fawaz claimed was part of his “home improvements”.  The family tried to evict Fatty…I mean Fadi (although, from recent photos, it’s an honest mistake).  Finally, the police arrested him on suspicion of aggravated criminal damage.  While in custody, the family changed the locks and boarded up the broken windows.  Since his release, neighbors say Fawaz has been seen sleeping on the balcony.

“Faye Dunaway playing a legendary film star – what could go wrong.”    
– Billy Masters on The Take way back in April.

If there’s one thing I enjoy more than starting a column by saying I was right, it’s starting a column by sharing a Fayewatch item.  Miss Dunaway will NOT be appearing as Katharine Hepburn on Broadway…or anywhere else, for that matter.  While I predicted this outcome months ago, I wasn’t completely right.  Sure, I knew she wouldn’t make it to Broadway, but I didn’t predict that Faye would be FIRED.  And this makes me sad.  Not because she was good in the role – it was an ill-advised pairing from the get-go.  But from the stories that are now circulating from the limited run in Boston, the hijinx that would have engulfed an actual Broadway production would have given me fodder for endless columns.  At least we can now tell you about her unhinged behavior in Boston.

It seems things were never good on the Tea at Five set.  At a photo session announcing the play, Dunaway reportedly threw her luncheon salad on the ground, proclaiming that since she was watching her weight, “the salad would be better on the floor than in her hand”.  Sources confirm that she never learned her lines (as I reported, an earpiece had to be used onstage), she frequently cancelled or was late to rehearsals, and would not allow people – including the playwright and director – to look at her.  When she did show up, she insisted that nobody around her wear white “because it distracts me”.  You know what might have helped with that?  Learning the lines!  And, while it seems implausible, sources claim that shortly before opening night, Faye had staffers get down on their hands and knees and scrub the floor of her dressing room.  I’m sure the words, “Now clean up this mess!” were uttered.  More believable, however, is that people working on the show would get “troubling, rambling, angry” voicemails in the middle of the night.  Hmmm – this sounds familiar.  And you can hear it on BillyMasters.com.

What’s better than Superman?  Would you believe two Supermen?  In the past, both Brandon Routh and Tyler Hoechlin have played the Man of Steel (Routh on the big screen in Superman Returns and Hoechlin on the small screen in Supergirl).  Plans are afoot for both men to once again don Spandex and play Superman at different points of his life on The CW’s next Arrowverse crossover.

Ever since Baz Luhrmann announced his next project would be a big-screen biopic about Elvis Presley, people have been wondering who would be cast in the lead.  Well, wait no more – the role has been filled by Austin Butler.  He’s appeared on TV in The Shannara Chronicles, Arrow, and The Carrie Diaries.  More legitimately, he’s held his own on Broadway in The Iceman Cometh alongside Denzel Washington.  I must admit, none of these credits helped me place him.  Because I live to serve, I discovered that Austin is one of those tight young blonds who are so appealing and yet so interchangeable.  Then I saw some photos of him alongside his girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens, and something caught my eye.  How do I say this politely?  Let’s just say something in that photo stuck out.  I can’t put my finger on it – but I’d like to.  It looks like I might need to use my whole hand.  I’ll use the other hand to post the pics to BillyMasters.com.

Emmy nominations were just announced, and the heterophobic Netflix nabbed a record 117 nominations – well, a record for them.  What I found fascinating is that several trade publications took great pains to point out that the lobby of the Television Academy’s Wolf Theatre is now called the “Netflix Lobby”.  I’m sure they’re not implying anything unsavory – probably just singling out a curious decoration, much like I’d identify a lovely sconce (something I’ve never done).  By the way, perennial Emmy leader HBO once again led the pack with 137 nods.

There was quite a bit of queer love at the Emmys.  RuPaul’s Drag Race snagged 14 nominations, which is not only a record for the show, but also the most nominations ever for any show on VH1.  I wouldn’t be Billy Masters if I didn’t point out that series was initially developed for Logo, the all-but-defunct gay network.

Billy Porter’s nomination as Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series for Pose was also historic.  Apparently this is the first time that an openly gay black man was nominated in this category – a narrow distinction, but a distinction nonetheless.  As they say, it’s an honor just to be nominated.  But here’s something that could be a good omen – the Emmys take place on September 22^nd, and Mr. Porter turns 50 the day before.  I can guess what his wish will be as he blows out that candle, or whatever he’s blowing on All Emmys Eve.

What I have no problem understanding is those charges against Kevin Spacey in Nantucket being dropped.  As I predicted, the district attorney dropped the charges in light of the accuser, Will Little, pleading the Fifth Amendment.  Mr. Little was also unable to provide the cell phone he used on the night in question.  No evidence, no witness, no case.  Nobody is saying Spacey is innocent of…well, of anything.  But, in terms of this particular crime, it couldn’t be proven beyond a reasonable doubt.  Of course, I don’t hold myself to those standards; he did it.

Our Ask Billy question concerns a summer replacement.  Jed in San Francisco writes, “The star of Blood & Treasure is really hot.  Where did he come from?  Do you have any photos of him naked?”

That would be Matt Barr, who I think of as a good-looking Bradley Cooper.  If that interests you, read on Macduff.  The young Mr. Barr was born a day after moi (well, a day and a couple of decades).  And like me, he’s blond-ish.  He’s scruffier and buffer and certainly not opposed to showing off his impressive physique.  Perhaps you’ve seen him in Hellcats or Harper’s Island – which don’t ring any bells with me.  He also had a brief role in The House Bunny.  Nothing?  Well, they say a photo is worth a thousand words.  Since we’re well over that limit, we’ll simply post some photos of Matt Bare…eh, Barr.  Well, both.  You see, he showed quite a bit in the film Ten Inch Hero – let’s just say the title pretty much says it all.   If that whets your appetite, check out BillyMasters.com.

A pair of interesting priest stories came across my desk.  And if you know anything about me, I’m always interested in priests coming.  First we heard about Father Pierre Valkering, who is a Catholic priest in Amsterdam.  The controversy began when he published a memoir in which he talked about his past as a sexually active gay man.  Obviously not an Earth-shattering revelation when it comes to Catholic priests.  He spoke openly about going to gay sex clubs – in particular, “dark rooms”.  Then during his priest days, he became addicted to gay porn.  Despite all of this being in the past, the Amsterdam Peace Church dumped him.  Father Pierre wasn’t surprised.  “It is clear that with this book I am going on particularly slippery ice, or even a minefield.”

Should Pierre be considering a change of profession, he may want to consider becoming a gay porn actor.  Scoff if you must, but he wouldn’t be the first ex-priest to make this transition.  Norm Self has appeared in four gay porn films since his retirement in 2017.  Oh, did I neglect to mention that he’s 85 years old?  I think he’s outlived a cougar and could possibly be considered a tyrannosaurus rex!  He went public about his vocation in the documentary, On The Game: The Sex Business.  He came to the decision pretty matter-of-factly.  “We are going to have sex anyway, so why not make it a liberating and bonding experience instead of hiding it away in the shadows?”  While I applaud the sentiment, I hope you’ll forgive me if I stop short of fully researching this story.

And now, time for a sad story which I predict will make many of you happy.  Gus Kenworthy and his beau Matt Wilkas have broken up.  See?  Aren’t you conflicted?  You’re like, “Aww…they made such a cute couple and they seemed so happy.”  On the other hand, you’re thinking, “Hmm…two really hot gay guys are suddenly single.”  I wish I had some dirt for you – or even rumors of a third party.  For now, we rely on the official statement: “Gus and Matt are taking time apart.  They love and support each other and remain close friends.”  Someone in the know says it happened at the end of June.  That’s Pride Month for you – some relationships make it, some don’t.

Didya know that Kenworthy and Wilkas actually met online?  Get your minds out of the gutter – they met on Instagram.  But gay apps are in the news.  I recently told you that the gay hook-up app Jack’d suffered a data breach which left thousands of users’ private photos open to the public.  This led to a ruling that they had to pay a $240K settlement.  In the midst of that, a much more popular app, Scruff, came in and bought Jack’d – probably for a song.

Having watched nearly every episode of LA Law and countless hours of Judge Judy, I consider myself somewhat of a legal expert.  So, it is my unaccredited opinion that there is no precedent for retroactively applying the Fifth Amendment.  And yet, that is what Kevin Spacey’s accuser, Will Little, did last week.  After cockily answering questions on the stand, Mr. Little was reminded that, should any of his statements prove to be false, he could face several charges, including a felony for tampering with evidence.  Suddenly a recess was called.  I don’t remember exactly how long it lasted, but I was able to find out that psycho Thomas killed Emma on The Bold and the Beautiful.  When we returned to the Nantucket courtroom, not only did Mr. Little refuse to answer any more questions – citing the Fifth Amendment right to not incriminate himself – he also asked that everything he had said earlier be stricken from the record.  The judge then told the prosecutor that given that they suddenly had no evidence (i.e., the cell phone) and no witness (i.e., Mr. Little), they may want to reconsider proceeding with criminal charges…lest he make the decision for them.  The next hearing is scheduled for July 31, but I believe a decision will be forthcoming much sooner.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Mark in Boston: “Rapper Lil Nas X has come out as gay this week.  This is a big deal, as he is a big star.  Do you have any nudes of him?  He must be on a gay website somewhere.”

I believe the timing of Nas’ coming out actually connects to nudes.  On June 23^rd, the rapper Tweeted, “Can’t believe my nudes leaked wtf”.  Then he came out, which as we say in the media biz “changed the narrative”.  Unless, of course, you’re Billy Masters – I ain’t so easily distracted.  BTW, Nas ain’t so lil, as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

Time for our weekly Schocking Story.  Aaron Schock – I know you all secretly lust after him solely as a sex object.  And I’m gonna give you about nine more reasons to want him.  Yes, we’ve featured a few dozen nude photos of him from every conceivable angle.  But the latest clips we’ve received are from video chats which feature him full frontal (including face), fully aroused, shaking his money maker in your…well, face.  At this point, I think I’ve got less footage of actual gay porn stars!  You can take him all in – metaphorically – at BillyMasters.com.

Meanwhile in MY Ptown, I was busy with the sun, sand, surf, and studs in skivvies.  Call me old-fashioned, but over July 4^th, I consider myself a patriot – as much of a patriot as those brave soldiers who stormed the airports and took to flight during the War of Independence.  Someone I’d never war with is the gorgeous Gavin Creel, who was at the Ptown Art House courtesy of Seth Rudetsky.  The show was a delight – you can always tell when Seth has a personal relationship with his guest.  This was effortless – like Gavin’s mellifluous range.  Seth has a cavalcade of guests stopping by all summer long, so check out PTownArtHouse.com for the latest schedule. 

Then there’s Varla Jean Merman, who never disappoints…even when she’s bored.  Yes, this year’s show is called A Star is Bored and, trust me, you’ll be anything but.  The songs, the costumes, the video, the cheese – it’s all there.  Varla even pays homage to those who came before her – so it’s almost educational.  Catch it before it turns up on your local PBS station during Pledge Week!  Get your tix early at PTownArtHouse.com because she’s got a limited schedule and is selling out each and every show.

Our very own Pete Buttigieg had a fundraiser in Provincetown on July 5^th.  It should go without saying that a gay man with the word “Butt” in his name is very popular in Ptown…and he was.  Didya know that of Democratic candidates for president, Mayor Pete raised more money in the second quarter than the rest of ‘em?  $24.8 million, to be precise.  To put it in perspective, Kamala hasn’t raised that much since she entered the race!  Tickets to Pete’s free fundraiser at Provincetown Town Hall were snatched up in a matter of hours.  The $2,800/ticket fundraiser sold out in 3 days.  There was a $1,000/ticket fundraiser which I believe took place on the street en route to the more expensive one.  That sold out quickly, too.  Because my priorities are vastly different, I did not go anywhere near these – nor was I awake during some of them.  But a source who did pay $2,800 told me, “Mayor Pete has very soft hands.”  That sounds reminiscent of a Palmolive commercial.  You’re soaking in it!

For our Ask Billy question, Gary in Dallas asks, “What’s this about Aaron Schock and the go-go boy?”

Our favorite disgraced Congressman was seen at Mexico City’s Boy Bar – a gay club which features strippers and a dark room (if you’re into that sort of thing).  On Saturday, June 22^nd, a patron whipped out his cell photo to take a video of his favorite stripper when who walks into the frame?  Yes, La Schock.  He, too, is apparently a fan of the flexible fella and shoved some money into his G-string.  And, wait…what’s he doing?  Eh, probably just looking for change.  You can see for yourself on BillyMasters.com – the site that also has every inch of Schock in countless photos and videos.

Many of you will not like this next story, so just hold your nose till I get it out.  Judi Dench has once again stood up for people currently seen as pariahs in today’s society.  “Are we going to negate 10 years at the Old Vic [when Kevin Spacey was artistic director] and everything that he did – how wonderful he’s been in all those films?  Are we just not going to see all those films that Harvey [Weinstein] produced?  You cannot deny somebody a talent.  You might as well never look at a Caravaggio painting.  You might as well never have gone to see Noel Coward.”  This brings up the age-old controversy – can one separate the art from the artist?  If nothing else, one must admire Dench’s loyalty…through thick and thin.

Broadway is not for the faint of heart.  Every year, the post-Tony Awards period sees several shut-out shows shutter.  Alas, this year is no different.  Within days of the awards, The Prom, King Kong, and The Cher Show posted closing notices.  Here’s an idea – why not combine all three?  I can just see it now.  Kong descends from the Empire State Building and asks Cher to be his date for the prom.  Of course, people protest – interspecies dating is still such a taboo subject.  I smell a hit…or maybe that’s just Kong.

While costs are prohibitive for Kong to hit the road, The Cher Show will embark on an extensive national tour.  However, the big news is that The Prom will be adapted by Ryan Murphy for Netflix.  And he’s bringing along a starry cast which includes James Corden, Ariana Grande, Meryl Streep, Nicole Kidman, and Andrew Rannells.

A few weeks ago, I told you that Jesse Tyler Ferguson will return to Broadway next season in a revival of Take Me Out.  In addition to his appearance on the Great White Way, Jesse has also been named host of the Extreme Makeover: Home Edition reboot for HGTV.  He’s gonna have an awfully busy life next year.

While we’re sharing good news, it’s just been announced that two of the latest people to be getting stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame will be Billy Porter and Andy Cohen.  Congrats!

“And then it dawned on me – I’ll go back to my roots. 
The theatre.  Back to Broadway.  Big mistake.”    
– Faye Dunaway as Katharine Hepburn in the play Tea at Five. 
This may be one of those art-imitating-life-imitating-art moments.

In years to come, when I contend that nothing exciting ever happens in June, please remind me about Faye Dunaway’s appearance as Katharine Hepburn in Matthew Lombardo’s Tea at Five at Boston’s Huntington Theatre.  To enumerate Miss Dunaway’s theatrical talents is beyond the confines of this column.  Surely she has the goods – skills that were honed at Boston University, which utilizes the Huntington Theatre for its productions.  Alas, the necessary ingredients did not come together for an unforgettable evening of theatre.

To be fair, opening night was after only a handful of previews, Faye is 78, and she hasn’t been on stage since…well, don’t even go there.  On the positive side, she does get through the show – although one can hardly say that in an ad.  What is curiously absent is anything even slightly reminiscent of the Great Kate.  In her red wig, Dunaway physically evokes memories of a latter-day Mary Tyler Moore.  Her character may have a broken ankle, but Faye’s Hepburn walks around with ease.  Where is she going?  To take sips out of strategically placed glasses of water.  After all, seniors need to stay hydrated.  There is not the slightest tremor – although the malady is referred to in the script.  Hepburn’s inimitable tight Yankee diction is all but missing.  As to the words, they don’t come to Faye easily – despite the aid of an earpiece (unless she is also guiding planes into Logan Airport).  Dunaway’s acting style is more of a slow, intense burn rather than Kate’s natural clip.  It’s a strange confluence that simply doesn’t gel.  As performed by La Dunaway, Lombardo’s script seems less engaging here than ever before.  I suppose it could all come together during the course of the remaining two weeks in Boston.  But Broadway?  I don’t think so.  Frankly, I’d advise all fans to swarm to Boston immediately.  At least that way you’ll be able to say you saw it.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Chet in Detroit: “I’m totally in love with Conner Bobay – he’s my ultimate twink.  I hear he’s been naked on his website.  Do you have any photos or videos?”

Thanks to my fans, I learned something.  Apparently Conner Bobay is one of those social media stars who sings, blogs, and poses in underwear.  Once I saw he has an OnlyFans site, I knew he had to also be peddling nudes (not that there’s anything wrong with that).  Sure enough, last week there was a dick-slip.  Upon further investigating, I seem to have found several other sizeable additions to the collection.  Check them out on BillyMasters.com.

When Conner is grabbing his own [BLANK], it’s definitely time to end another column.  Have you noticed our nude subjects keep getting younger and younger?  But you won’t find any underaged boys on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that doesn’t interest Kevin Spacey!  If you have a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Will Little and his girlfriend appear in the musical version of The Notebook!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Jussie Smollett’s recent birthday.  He took to social media to say, “Grateful for LOVE.  Grateful for y’all.  Grateful for another year around the sun.”  Alas, he’s not getting much love from Chicago.  On Jussie’s birthday, Judge Michael Toomin called for a special prosecutor to examine the entire Smollett “incident”, including how it was handled by authorities.  Toomin specifically targeted Jussie: “In perhaps the most prominent display of his acting potential, Smollett conceived a fantasy that propelled him from the role of a sympathetic victim of a vicious homophobic attack to that of a charlatan who fermented a hoax the equal of any twisted television intrigue.”  I’m not sure, but I think that was a compliment to Jussie as an actor.  Judge Toomin added that a special prosecutor was needed “to restore the public’s confidence in our criminal justice system”.