Now comes the point in the column where I share Billy’s Holiday Gift Giving Suggestions.  My goal each year is to share things that could make your festivities just a trifle more gay.  One of the most popular items every year is the Orthodox Priest Calendar.  But, frankly, I’m finding it hard to believe any actual priest can do that with a crucifix unless the holy water miraculously turned into lube.  Therefore, my calendar choice this year will appeal to those of you who like a bit of ginger – a lovely holiday flavor.  Last year, a fan sent me the Red Hot Cock Calendar, and I was impressed with what they refer to as their “fire crotches, copper knobs and ginger nuts”.  This year the lads have outdone themselves by also providing the flip side.  Yes, if you prefer your gingers face-down, you could buy the Red Hot Butt Calendar.  Both calendars raise money for testicular cancer and prostate cancer awareness campaigns.  Plus, a little ginger will keep you warm on those long winter nights.  Grab ‘em at RedHot100.com.

You know how you see an invention on Shark Tank and say, “Why didn’t I think of that?”  Well, the staff at Chi Chi LaRue’s Channel 1 Releasing had a thought – what if there were a way to turn any water bottle into an enema?  You know – for those guys on the go, rushing to a last-minute tryst.  And, thus, Skwert was developed.  The Skwert Water Bottle Enema will fit on most standard water bottle mouths and give you a quick pick-me-up.  For my readers, I’d classify this as a stocking stuffer…although what you stuff is your business.  Pick up a few for surprise guests at Skwert.com.

It wouldn’t be the holidays without at least one scandal.  A conservative group claims that a gay underwear ad has “contaminated Christmas”.  So you know what I did?  Found the ad – which, for the sake of clarity, I must tell you is a print ad.  The company is Bonds underwear – oh, did I mention this is all happening in Australia?  The ad features a real-life gay couple – Nicolas and Steve – kissing in the kitchen (one is sitting on a counter; one is leaning against it), clad solely in matching holiday boxer briefs.  The caption says, “It’s the little moments that make Christmas season so special”.  At least they didn’t say “It’s the little things” – how embarrassing would that have been??  Anyhoo, FamilyVoice Australia thought this was too much.  “Images of two men kissing passionately while sporting only their Bonds underwear is hardly the appropriate message at any time of the year – particularly not at Christmas.  Christmas is a special time that bonds faith and family.  It should not be contaminated by businesses pushing explicit images into the marketplace,” says the group’s spokesperson.  I don’t know how passionate it was.  I didn’t see anything pop out, or get slid in – which happens at all the underwear parties I go to.  But did you notice that the spokesperson says it’s “a special time that bonds faith and family”?  And it’s Bonds underwear!  Case closed!

I’ve been following this next story for a couple of weeks.  Try and follow along.  The names Barrie and Tony Drewitt-Barlow probably don’t mean anything to you.  But in 1999, these very wealthy Brits won a legal battle to list both of their names on the birth certificate of the daughter they had with a surrogate.  This was a landmark case for Great Britain since they were the first gay couple to fight for this right – and win!  Fast forward 20 years, and the couple is splitting up.  Why?  Because Barrie has fallen head-over-heels in love with Scott, the ex-boyfriend of their daughter, Saffron!  Not only that, but the entire family (complete with ex-boyfriend/current boyfriend) continue to live in a mansion in Florida!  Here’s the best part – Scott came into the family as Barrie’s “personal assistant” five years ago, where he was often described as a pussy hound.  So, lemme get this straight (so to speak) – the gay guy hires a young personal assistant, who dates the gay guy’s daughter, and then the gay guy leaves his husband to be with the personal assistant, who is suddenly into men, and they’re all living in the same house.  If you’re wondering why don’t these people have a TV show, they actually filmed a pilot last year which went nowhere – probably because the couple was still together and Scott was being paid to be there (as if he’s not still getting a check).  With this new wrinkle, they may get a deal.  For now, you can see the pilot on BillyMasters.com.

With Thanksgiving over, I now am finally able to focus on Christmas – as opposed to CVS, which had seasonal fare available prior to Halloween!  Unlike my men, I like my holidays one at a time.  Before Thanksgiving, I had more than my hands full when I went to see the iconic Sandra Bernhard at the lovely Faena Theater in South Beach.  This gorgeous little gem is tucked away in the Faena Hotel, and I was there courtesy of Sandra’s musical director, the lovely Mitch Kaplan.  He posted something on Facebook about the show in Miami, and I had just arrived at my Fort Lauderdale abode.  Within a few hours, I was in the presence of the lady – and what a show she put on.  I loved watching the audience because they clearly had no idea what to expect from Sandra.  She’s not easy to categorize.  She shares interesting insights, bon mots from her life, surrealist stories constructed with impeccable skill, hysterical observations, and then belts out a song with the power of a Janis Joplin.  Quite a lot to take in for the denizens of South Beach.  But by the end, they simply paid homage – as we all do.  Sandy, Mitchy, and their motley crew will be ringing in the New Year at Joe’s Pub for the 10^th year in a row.  In fact, they’re doing 12 shows at the venue between December 26 and 31.  Get the full schedule at SandraBernhard.com.

You know what I’m thankful for?  That the Dallas Straight Pride Parade attracted two people!  It was actually the two guys holding the banner, which probably makes them the organizers.  In that case, NO PEOPLE showed up for the event.  On the flip side, about 20 counter-protesters showed up.  Look, I’m all for exercising free speech, but why didn’t the protesters just laugh and walk away?  Haven’t those poor straight people suffered enough?

I’m also thankful that Fresh Off the Boat has been cancelled.  Far be it from me to wish unemployment to Asian actors working in this industry.  But thank God that Constance Wu can finally become the huge star she says she’s destined to be.  Apparently the only thing holding her back was being on a hit sitcom.  Good luck, Wu.  See you at the Oscars…perhaps as a seat filler.

While voting hasn’t happened yet, Lil Nas X has already made Grammy history.  Last week, Nas got nominated for Artist of the Year, Album of the Year, Best New Artist, Best Pop Duo/Group Performance, Best Rap/Sung Performance, and Best Music Video.  In short, this is an unprecedented number of plaudits going to an openly gay singer.  You can check out his 12-inch on BillyMasters.com – free membership for all Grammy voters!

Elsewhere in the Big Apple, Celine Dion turned up at drag karaoke, and why not?  She’s probably the most convincing Celine Dion the place has seen!!  Miss Dion went to Lips to celebrate the release of her latest CD, Courage.  “I’m so excited, and I’m so honored that you’re here tonight.  I want to thank you so very much for your support through the years.”  Celine also entered the karaoke competition by singing a new song, “Flying On My Own”.  Watch the video on BillyMasters.com and let me know if you would have voted for her or not.

The original Broadway cast of The Tale of the Allergist’s Wife reunited for a special reading to benefit Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS.  The idea for the reunion was sparked by Linda Lavin, the leading lady of the original Broadway production.  When she recently staged the play at her North Carolina theatre company, she played the role of the leading lady’s mother, Frieda (played on Broadway by the late Shirl Bernheim).  Linda knew that playwright Charles Busch always coveted the title role, so why not assemble the rest of the original cast and have Charles play Linda’s role while Linda played the mother?  Charles was in, but said that since Lavin played the role to perfection, he’d have to play it the way she did – “in homage”.  “There will be times Linda’s going to feel like she’s acting with herself.”  While Busch slipped into the title role effortlessly, Lavin still stole every scene she was a part of.  As I quipped to Linda, “I can’t think of another actress who returns to a play in which she stole the show 20 years ago, plays a different part, and steals the show again!”  The event proved what a phenomenal piece of writing Busch’s play is – it may even survive the proposed film version starring Bette Midler and Sharon Stone.

Just a few blocks away, the Roundabout Theatre was doing their own benefit reading on the same night.  Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest starred the formidable Angela Lansbury as the meddling Lady Bracknell.  I’m told that Angela gave a terrific performance – obviously I wasn’t there because, contrary to popular belief, I cannot be in two places at the same time (I can, however, be with two men at the same time, should that ever be relevant).  Everyone says Angie seemed thrilled to be back onstage.  The audience loved her, and she looked positively elated at the endless curtain calls.  Two benefits for two great causes.  Only in NYC.

For the edification of those of you not watching Riverdale, KJ plays Archie Andrews.  In 2017, he appeared in A Dog’s Purpose and his wife was played by Britt Robertson.  Allegedly, the two have been dating on and off since – so we will skip the predictable doggie style jokes.  Now, onto KJ’s body.  The current issue of Rollacoaster magazine (which has already sold out) has quite a provocative spread of the limber, lanky lad.  And he’s clearly not averse to showing some skin, which reminded me of a story regarding a mysterious dick pic.  Rumor has it the dick in the pic belongs to KJ.  I hasten to add it’s just a disembodied penis.  But given the girth of KJ’s body of work, I’m leaning towards it being legit.  Check it out on BillyMasters.com, and see what you think.

When KJ has you reaching for KY, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Since we’re fast approaching Thanksgiving, I’m dashing off to the East Coast…and hopefully not dashing through the snow.  You know what I’ll be thankful for?  The end of these impeachment hearings.  Not only do they pre-empt my shows, but I keep remembering that Bill Clinton enjoyed his highest approval ratings AFTER he was impeached.  Food for thought.  For the rest of your cravings, check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’ll stuff more than just your turkey.  Obviously I can take whatever you dish out.  So inbox me at Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Madonna shows up on time for a gig.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

If my dating life is any indication, you know that I’m drawn to complicated relationships.  I have a gift for seeing the connection between implausible people.  For instance, Ellen DeGeneres will be given the Carol Burnett Award at the 2020 Golden Globes.  Carol Burnett will receive the 2020 Stephen Sondheim Award from Virginia’s Signature Theatre.  This winter, Stephen Sondheim’s musical Company returns to Broadway courtesy of the Bernard B. Jacobs Theatre.  And Bernard B. Jacobs is…well, he’s dead.  Look, I didn’t say it was a perfect science.

Let’s try another one.  Earlier this month, a revival of the musical Mary Poppins hit London’s West End.  It stars Charlie Stemp in the role of Bert.  Charlie was last seen on Broadway playing Barnaby in the revival of Hello, Dolly!.  In that production, his partner in crime was Gavin Creel as Cornelius.  And back in 2006, Gavin Creel made his West End debut playing Bert in Mary Poppins.  See?  That one works – and nobody died (yet).

It was just announced that the Broadway musical of Tootsie will be closing on January 5^th.  This does not bode well for the recently announced musical based on Mrs. Doubtfire, which is set to begin previews on Broadway in March.  Perhaps two high-profile musicals led by men in drag cannot co-exist on Broadway.  BTW, Mrs. Doubtfire will play the Stephen Sondheim Theatre, which…I can’t even go there.  But it does bear mentioning that the lead in Tootsie is played by Santino Fontana, who replaced Gavin Creel in Hello, Dolly! and for a time played opposite Charlie Stemp.

Kate Beckinsale has shot down rumors that she is dating Jamie Foxx.  “If that’s true, I’ve got a hell of a problem.”  Perhaps the media cannot tell the difference between Kate Beckinsale and Katie Holmes – neither of whom have appeared in drag or in a Sondheim musical.

In a week of strange bedfellows, none were stranger than Wendy Williams and Robyn Crawford.  That the talk diva welcomed Whitney Houston’s “best friend” was not surprising.  Anyone who listened to Wendy back in the day knows her long relationship with Whitney (the 2003 radio interview is required listening).  That Robyn went on the show was staggering; particularly since she reiterated that Whitney wanted to meet Wendy back in 2003.  “Our plan was to go down to Hudson Street…wait for you right outside.”  When Wendy explained, “Robyn, I can’t even fight…I would’ve run”, Robyn added, “We weren’t going to fight you.  We just wanted to see you face-to-face and have a chat.”  If you’ve ever tangled with someone from Jersey, you know what kinda “chat” it would have been.

Many people view impeachment as nothing more than “political theatre”.  Trump’s impeachment was the stage for some actual theatre when into the hearing strode a drag queen!  No, I’m not talking about Giuliani; I’m talking about a buxom blonde vixen who sashayed with all the panache of a young Ivana Trump.  Images went viral of the dame being wanded by security (I was once wanded by security…but that’s another story).  The mysterious matron turned out to be Pissi Myles, drag artiste extraordinaire from New Jersey.  She told NBC News, “It was a crazy day in Washington!  I’m flipping my wig over the high energy proceedings today.  Tensions are high, and the bar for who’s allowed in the Longworth House is very, very low.”  Pissi Tweeted from the hearings with her cell phone and selfie stick for Happs, described as “the first open-source live news network”.  I don’t care why she was there – I just love that she was.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Walter in Maine: “I just saw a photo of one of those One Direction boys posing in underwear.  He looked pretty grown-up to me.  Do you have any of the pics?”

There are underwear shots, and then there are Liam Payne’s underwear shots for Hugo Boss.  I’ll let Liam explain: “I hadn’t been properly warned about the amount of nudity Mert and Marcus do in their work, let’s say…I mean it was just a room full of five or six people and a hell of a lot of tequila to get me to this level.  I was standing there and all of a sudden it was, ‘Right, OK, take them off.’  I’m like, ‘Really?  Take them off?  Off, off?  Like on-the-floor off?  Oh my God.  And there was a real hollow moment afterwards where I was sitting outside smoking a cigarette thinking, ‘I have basically just shot soft-core porn.’”  First, where did that body come from?  And let’s not even discuss the basket – which is ginormous.  Because a picture is worth a thousand words, and since I’m close to my limit, I’ll post a few thousand more at BillyMasters.com.

When Liam looks like he’s putting more than just eggs in his basket, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  With so much talent to take in, check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’ll give you something to stroke about.  As for your questions, send them along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Caitlyn is dancing with a real star!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Over 40 years ago, Studio One opened in West Hollywood and quickly became THE gay dance club in the country.  Owner Scott Forbes was proud of saying, “Studio One was planned, designed and conceived for gay people, gay male people.  Any straight people here are guests of the gay community.  This is gay!”  Like Studio 54 (which opened two years later), Studio One had the hottest male staff in the skimpiest outfits and attracted record numbers every night.  The club also housed The Backlot, a theatre which featured such performers as Joan Rivers, Chita Rivera, Barry Manilow, Divine, Rip Taylor, Roseanne, Nancy Dussault, Mimi Hines, and moi.  We even filmed the pilot for my talk show there.  So I was thrilled to participate in the closing night event for the club (the space is being incorporated into a hotel and shopping plaza).  The night kicked off with yours truly interviewing people on the red carpet.  As to the show itself, I co-hosted with the irrepressible Bruce Vilanch.  People like Freda Payne, Charlo Crossley and Thelma Houston blew the roof off the house.  Who says you can’t go home again?

Meanwhile, Caitlyn Jenner is itching to get back to reality television – or perhaps it’s simply a yeast infection.  Rumors abound that Cait may appear on the UK competition I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!.  Not only has she pitched herself to the show…the producers consider her a huge “get”.  You know what else is huge about it?  The paycheck.  Allegedly, just for participating, Jenner would be paid roughly half a MILLION dollars.

I really can’t stand it.  Sean Spicer – safe again!  I hope that by the time you read this, his tenure on Dancing with the Stars has come to an end.  Mind you, I am basing that not on politics, on his previous job, nor any feelings about him as a person.  I’m basing it solely on the fact that he CAN’T DANCE!  Alas, this is the downside of living in a free society.  You give people the right to vote, and have to pay the consequences.

The UK’s version of the show, Strictly Come Dancing, made a bit of history by having the first same-sex routine.  While they’ve previously featured mixed groups with some same-sex interaction, this was the first time that a routine was solely two men.  However, this dance was not part of the competition. It was two pros dancing while singer Emeli Sandé sang “Shine”.  The dancers were Johannes Radebe (who is openly gay) and Graziano Di Prima (who is not).  Reaction to the routine was largely positive.  Radebe said, “I’ve never felt so liberated.  For the first time in my life, I feel accepted for who I am.  That says so much about the people of this country.” 

Meanwhile, the Danish version of Dancing with the Stars (Vild med dans) has a same-sex couple competing.  When Jakob Fauerby, an openly gay actor, was cast, he was prepared.  “I had already thought that if they called me, I would ask if it was possible to dance with a man.”  Not only did he get a man – he got two-time mirror ball champion Silas Holst, who is also gay.  The pair topped the leaderboard four times in the past eight weeks.

There have been same-sex dances on similar shows around the world.  In 2011, TV host Alfons Haider danced with a male professional in Austria’s Dancing Stars.  The Israeli show Rokdim im Kokhavim featured female sportscaster Gili Shem Tov competing with a female pro.  And last year, Italy’s Ballando con le Stelle included an openly gay fashion designer, Giovanni Ciacci, competing with a male professional.  They made it to the finals.

Drag star Courtney Act competed on Australia’s version of Dancing with the Stars.  She appeared in drag and had a male dance partner, which technically makes it a same-sex match-up.  She did well enough to come in second!  These strides around the globe have been noted by the domestic powers-that-be at DWTS, and I hear they are considering using one of RuPaul’s girls next season.  Is it just me, or does this have Shangela written all over it?

Our Ask Billy question this week comes from Justin in Chicago: “Did you see Aaron Carter’s penis?  Everyone online is talking about it, but I can’t find it anywhere.”

Aaron says his “dick slip” was an accident, but I contend there are no accidents.  Yeah, because everyone who does an Instagram Live video is fully aroused in loose-fitting shorts, right?  We’re supposed to believe that Aaron was minding his own business, chatting with fans, and somehow his penis simply erupted out of his knickers?  I think not.  To be fair, it certainly appeared to be sizeable.  However, one must also consider that Carter has the physique of a young Calista Flockhart.  Frankly, a thimble would look enormous in that context.  But since you asked, you can see it (Carter, not Calista) on BillyMasters.com.

Sad news for those of you waiting for a 9 to 5 sequel.  Dolly Parton announced it ain’t happening.  “Well, actually I think we dropped that whole idea.  I don’t think we’re going to do the sequel.  We never could get the script where it was enough different than the first one, and that one turned out so good.”  She did, however, add, “We might do a completely different thing together, Jane, Lily and I.”  That different thing will likely be an appearance on the final season of Lily and Jane’s series Grace and Frankie.  Tick-tock.

If you have been watching the current season of The Great British Bake Off on Netflix or in the UK, keep reading.  If you want to be surprised when PBS runs the season sometime in 2025, skip to the next paragraph.  At long last, David not only won star baker, he won the whole bloody competition.  We even got to see him celebrate with his look-alike Bulgarian boyfriend (there’s a Bel Ami porn waiting to happen).  However, the gay couple that has touched Billy’s heart (always a good place to start) is Henry and Michael – who keep popping up in rather affectionate photos.  Henry, while not denying dating rumors, simply scoffed.  Michael, on the other hand, revealed that he’s been fielding quite a few propositions – from middle-aged American housewives!  He also received an offer to do gay porn.  Know your audience.

We hear that Elton John gave Taron Egerton a diamond ring.  And he did it right in front of David Furnish.  Is a thrupple in the offing?  Actually Elton was thanking Taron for his performance in Rocketman.  And the diamond ring in question was actually a diamond EAR-ring.  Taron explains, “He gave me the first ever diamond earring he bought in 1972.  He gave it to me when I was at his house with David in the drawing room of their lovely house with my girlfriend.”  I’ll pause here for dramatic effect.  “Elton was in a robe and just dropped it into the palm of my hand.”  Surely not the first time Elton was in a robe and dropped something into the palm of someone’s hand.

Our Ask Billy question – more of a reprimand – comes from Frank in Denver: “Andy Cohen just said that he’s seeing Ginuwine’s penis pics and that he’s HUGE.  How come you haven’t run them?”

Nobody asked.  Had you asked, I would have happily provided them for you – ‘cause I’m a giver.  Anyway, you can now see them on BillyMasters.com.  But, I should warn you that the photos in question only show the extra-long appendage.  However, Ginuwine confirmed the penis in question was his: “Everybody keep talking about the pics and all SO WHAT!!!  We all trust people at time that we shouldn’t won’t say names as of now!!!  Stay tuned

Another person who has been begging Disney for a sequel is Whoopi Goldberg, on behalf of Sister Act.  Despite the popularity of the first two films, the studio hasn’t budged.  For a while, it seemed as if Whoopi might make the third installment with Tyler Perry, who offered to buy the rights from Disney.  The studio said no.  The original was adapted for the stage and became a hit musical.  Whoopi was not only one of the producers of the London production, she also appeared in the show in 2010 as the Mother Superior.  And she’s gonna do it again – this time as Deloris Van Cartier!  “I’ve been trying to get Sister Act 3 up and running and really met with a lot of resistance of people saying nobody wants to see it, it’s dated, it’s old, etc…So the guys who did Sister Act onstage said, ‘Would you come and do Deloris and we’ll make some adjustments,’ ‘cause, you know, I’m a little older.”  To sweeten the pot, the Mother Superior will be played by the absolutely fabulous Jennifer Saunders.  The limited run will play London’s West End next August.

And now, a story most of you already know, but it’s my job to report this stuff.  Right after Miley Cyrus’ split with Liam Hemsworth, she dated Kaitlynn Carter.  She is now dating Cody Simpson.  So, for those of you playing at home, she’s on a downward trajectory that will likely end with her dating Andy Dick!  In an Instagram Live chat with Cody, Miley said, “I always thought I had to be gay ‘cause I just thought, like, all guys were evil.  But it’s not true.  There are good people out there that just happen to have penises.  I’ve only ever met one…and he’s on this Live.”  She added, “There are good men out there guys.  Don’t give up.  You don’t have to be gay.  There are good people with dicks out there.  You just got to find them.”  For someone who has dated both sexes, one would think she’d know better.  The attacks on poor Miley were immediate – and I actually had some sympathy for her because…well, I don’t think she’s that bright.  She took to Twitter the next day – because nobody explained that social media is NOT her friend.  “I was talking shit about guys, but let me be clear, YOU don’t CHOOSE your sexuality.  You are born as you are.  It has always been my priority to protect the LGBTQ community I am a part of.”  She may be more a part of it than she thinks – or am I the only one who has questions about Cody?

God’s Love We Deliver recently held their annual Golden Heart Awards in NYC, where they honored Pete Buttigieg for outstanding leadership and public service.  Two of the co-chairs for the event were Mr. and Mr. Neil Patrick Harris.  When they arrived, David Burtka told a reporter, “Neil wants to meet Mayor Pete really bad.”  This certainly wouldn’t be difficult for moi.  But for NPH and company, it seemed impossible.  In their first attempt, the mayor was talking to Anna Wintour and Tiffany Haddish.  Then Neil remembered he knows Tiffany, so he went up to her…just as Mayor Pete disappeared.  Eventually, a connection was made.  Where it led is anyone’s guess.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Liam in London: “Knowing you love The X Factor, you must be loving this new Celebrity season – especially for that trio of hot rugby players.”

The show kinda lost me with the song stylings of Martin Bashir!  But, yes, the rugby blocks are hot.  While Nicole Scherzinger is clearly enamored with Ben Foden (and his chesticles), she might wanna check out our website to see what this hottie’s got south of the border.  As for me, I’ve always had a penchant for Foden’s fellow rugger-turned-singer, Thom Evans (who was previously in the awkwardly named boyband Twen2y 4 Se7en).  If I know my fans, I’m sure many of you remember the nude pictorial Thom did with his lookalike brother, Max.  If you missed it, it is truly a sight to behold.  Take a good LONG look on BillyMasters.com.

You know what I’m tired of reading?  Stories about Harry Styles being ready to come out.  If you do an online search, everything this lad does puts him on the precipice of a big announcement.  The latest hint of homosexuality is his new single, “Lights Up”, which he happened to release on National Coming Out Day.  And in the video, he’s seen dancing suggestively with women AND men – shirtless.  And then there is this suggestive lyric – “Do you know who you are?”  I will remind people that not only has Styles brandished Pride flags in concert and supported all people, he’s also stated that he doesn’t feel the need to define his sexuality.  So, a big ole whatever.

MGM is moving forward with its Aretha Franklin biopic.  “Respect” is currently filming in Georgia and stars Jennifer Hudson as Auntie Re (she’s also doing her own singing).  Joining the cast will be Forest Whitaker in a surely sanitized version of the Reverend Franklin, Marlon Wayans as Aretha’s first husband, Mary J. Blige will play Dinah Washington, Tituss Burgess will star as Rev. Dr. James Cleveland, Audra McDonald will play Aretha’s mother (who left the family when Aretha was 6) and Heather Headley as singer Clara Ward.

Not to be outdone, the National Geographic Channel is making its own Aretha feature as part of their Genius series (last year, Antonio Banderas starred as Pablo Picasso).  Their Aretha will be Cynthia Erivo, best known for starring in The Color Purple on Broadway and who will be playing Harriet Tubman on the big screen next month.  Genius: Aretha is being done in conjunction with the Franklin estate.  Speaking of misleading statements, NatGeo says that this is “the first and only authorized scripted limited series on the Queen of Soul”.  Not to be confused with the first and only authorized scripted featured film – see above.

This week, Ronan Satchel Allen O’Sullivan Sinatra Farrow has been everywhere – promoting his new book Catch and Kill, giving insight into the Matt Lauer situation, and sporting a new hairdo straight out of Wimbledon.  I noted that he’s been less combative in these recent appearances than in his previous media spots.  That may be because of another change in his life – he’s engaged!  He popped the question to podcast host and former Obama speechwriter Jon Lovett (no relation) in an intriguing way.  Jon would read over sections of the book as Ronan was writing it.  One page simply said, “Marriage?  On the moon or even here on earth.”  Ronan said the reply was, “Sure”.  That Lovett’s sure got a way with words.

File this under “And they said it wouldn’t last”.  And by “they”, I mean me.  Colton Haynes and Jeff Leatham are officially divorced.  I know – let’s all put on our surprised faces.  But, there is actually a surprise.  As part of the legal paperwork, the couple signed a non-disclosure agreement.  “Neither party shall discuss, publish or post, or cause to be discussed published or posted, directly or indirectly, any private information pertaining to the other Party, the Parties’ relationship, or this dissolution action on any media, including without limitation, the internet (including, but not limited to social media applications, Websites, blogs, new periodicals, etc.) or in other media in any manner.  Neither party shall authorize, license or create (in whole or in part) a book, article, movie, or television production based upon, or which includes a character based upon, the other Party without the written consent of the other Party, or use the other Party’s name for any publicity related purpose.”  Because you know Ryan Murphy is chomping at the bit to do another season of “Feud” based on this tumultuous affair.

I dunno how many of you are watching A Very Brady Renovation, but it’s been really extraordinary what the folks at HGTV have done with the beloved Brady Bunch homestead.  In case you don’t know, while a real house in Studio City was used for the iconic exteriors, the interior bore no resemblance to the sprawling set that the sitcom shot on.  But it does now – with no small bit of assistance from all six Brady kids.  Now that the renovations are completed, what will happen to the house?  Will there be tours?  Or will it be rented out for special events?  Since it’s in a residential area, those are unlikely prospects.  But Lance Bass, who tried to buy the house prior to HGTV swooping in, got a special VIP tour.  You can check out his visit on BillyMasters.com.

The primary renovators on the Brady project were the Property Brothers, Drew and Jonathan Scott.  During a recent appearance on The Kelly Clarkson Show, they hinted at what they may tackle next.  “We’re thinking next, The Golden Girls house” (the iconic exterior is actually located in Bel Air).  Clarkson was overjoyed and said someone should do a reboot of The Golden Girls or Designing Women.  Without missing a beat, Drew said, “I will play Blanche”.  Asked and answered.

And now, onto the important stuff – BACHELOR DOWN!  Pilot Peter Weber (the one who did it with Hannah in a windmill…twice) was in the midst of filming The Bachelor in Costa Rica when he tripped carrying some glasses, hit the ground, and smashed his face on the shards.  OUCH!  We hear he required 21 stitches.  Chris Harrison took to social media to allay our fears: “He’s 100% OK and production is already back underway.  He’s still the dashing, handsome pilot we’ve all dreamed of.”  Hey, Chris, are you trying to tell us something?  I mean, if you’re dreaming of Peter, just take him to one of those Fantasy Suites.  Or a windmill.

In one of the most tragic endeavors I’ve ever heard of, get ready for The Bachelor: Live on Stage.  The franchise is hitting the road in an attempt to bring the magic of romance, exotic locales, and sexually transmitted diseases to civilians in the hinterlands.  Hosted by perpetually single contestant Ben Higgins, this live show promises to disclose backstage dish about the franchise and feature cameos by former contestants (schedules permitting).  For the coup de grâce, one hometown Bachelor will be paraded about in hopes of snagging one lucky lady – and possibly give her a present that will last a lifetime.  I suggest taking Valtrex a week before the show, just in case.

This leads perfectly into the Ellen DeGeneres debacle.  Many people were horrified after she was seen sitting next to George W. Bush in the Dallas Cowboys VIP suite.  Their seating was happenstance – Ellen and Portia were invited by Charlotte Jones, the daughter of the Cowboys owner.  The more militant members of our community feel she should have protested, walked out, or done something other than spend time with a man who tried to block gay marriage, went into needless wars, and did other horrific things.  Instead, Ellen stayed and socialized.  She said, “I’m friends with George Bush.  In fact, I’m friends with a lot of people who don’t share the same beliefs that I have.  We’re all different.  And I think we’ve forgotten that that’s OK that we’re all different.”

I was reminded of when Barbra Streisand received the Kennedy Center Honor in 2008 during the presidency of George W. Bush.  She could have turned it down.  She didn’t.  The honor is selected by an independent committee.  So, like Ellen, Barbra was invited to something that thrust her into contact with the President.  Although, unlike Ellen, Babs was careful not to be photographed anywhere near Bush.  Streisand later wrote about the experience: “I have never met George W. Bush, but for the past eight years I have been blogging about him and his administration on my website.  I have relayed my frustration at the direction he has taken our country in no uncertain terms.  So it was just as surprising to me as it apparently was to the press that upon meeting President Bush and extending my hand to him, he said to me, ‘Aw, c’mon, gimme a hug and kiss.’ And then he proceeded to embrace me.  I must say, I found him very warm and completely disarming…even though I think perhaps he was kissing me hello as I was kissing him goodbye…I guess in some small way, he and I proved that we could agree to disagree, and, for that weekend, art transcended politics.”

Here’s what I think – people are never one thing.  If I stopped talking to friends with views or actions or traits that I disagree with, I’d have no friends.  Interacting with different-minded people leads not only to many spirited debates and conversations, but also to broader understanding of another point of view.  As gay people, how many times have we asked, “Why does one part of my life that you don’t understand or agree with define me and scare you?”  We look for acceptance, so it’s hard to argue not accepting others.  I don’t expect to sit down with Bush anytime soon, but I’m sure I’d find him charming.  I may end up liking him more than Ellen, who I find….well, you know.

“There is no right or wrong way to be gay, to be queer, to be trans,
and I hope that our community, even as we struggle to define what our identity means,
defines it in a way that lets everybody know that they belong among us.”  
– Pete Buttigieg at the recent Equality Town Hall responding to
cries of “trans lives matter” and “trans people are dying”.

Have I gone insane?  Or has the world?  It’s really a toss-up.  Perhaps we’ll figure it out by the end of this column – which you can read in its entirety on BillyMasters.com.  First, let’s look at CNN’s Equality Town Hall.  There weren’t many surprises.  Thank God for good ol’ reliable Joe.  First, Biden almost made a startling revelation by saying “When I came out…”.  He quickly realized how that sounded, laughed, and put his arm around Anderson Cooper saying, “I’ve got something to tell you.”  Cooper responded, “I kinda figured it out a while ago.”  Then, Biden rattled on and on: “Back 15, 20 years ago in San Francisco was all about gay…gay bath houses.  It’s all about around-the-clock sex.  It’s all…come on, man.  Gay couples are more likely to stay together longer than heterosexual couples.”  And if you think that’s bad, you should have seen him in the swimsuit competition!

Alright, I admit it.  I’ve had my share of around-the-clock sex orgies in San Francisco 15, 20 years ago.  I’ve also had them 15, 20 days ago.  But, I’m a bad example – I’ve had around-the-clock sex orgies at the Vatican.  I hate to point this out to Joe, but bathhouses in San Francisco closed in 1984.  You’d have thought the LGBTQ topic would be right up Pete Buttigieg’s alley, so to speak.  But based on performance alone, all hail Queen Warren.  Her quip, while not phrased in a particularly presidential way, certainly seemed the right response during the Trump era.  Still, I really missed Bernie.  He could have told us about gay bars during Prohibition.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Rafael in San Diego: “Who are those hot twins on The Politician?”

I cannot really comment about the show because I haven’t seen it.  I like to binge-watch my Netflix series, so The Politician episodes are just sitting there waiting to be watched.  But that doesn’t mean I haven’t seen the Eason twins – who play the Hobart twins (older brothers of Ben Platt – almost a cruel joke).  Trey and Trevor Eason are pretty damn hot, but we already knew Ryan Murphy enjoys hot twins (see Glee and Scream Queens).  They may be new to acting, but not to modeling, and you can see some of their hotter pics on BillyMasters.com.

Last week, Mark-Paul Gosselaar joined Mario Lopez on Access Hollywood to talk about his new show, Mixed-ish.  The female co-host asked Gosselaar if he would be doing the Saved by the Bell reboot.  Mark-Paul passed the question onto Lopez, who is the producer on the reboot.  “I dunno if we can afford you,” Mario laughed.  But, seriously, since Mixed-ish is on ABC and Saved by the Bell is on NBC, there are logistics that would need to be ironed out.  In the meantime, you can see the interview on our website.

I keep hearing about this Punky Brewster reboot.  I can’t get excited about it – never saw it.  Ditto for Battlestar Galactica.

Now that BH90210 is over, can I just say I feel very unfulfilled?  The biggest problem was the writing, which ironically enough was the same problem they were having in the show-within-the-show.  I kept watching, hoping it would get better.  It didn’t.  I found it interesting that the two hottest members of the cast – Brian Austin Green and Jennie Garth – were also the two best actors.  And, look, I have nothing against a hint of incest.  But Brandon and Brenda?  I don’t think so.  Speaking of my pal Shannen Doherty, why was she constantly eating in every scene?

This week, Grey’s Anatomy features a Charmed reunion.  Alyssa Milano and Holly Marie Combs star as sisters who have to decide whether to take their third sister off life support.  Here’s my question – who is playing the third sister?  Is it the crazy one, or is climate change real and hell has frozen over?

Some Republican operatives who have previously tried to smear Pete Buttigieg and Kamala Harris have turned their sights on Elizabeth Warren.  They are alleging that a few months ago, Warren began a long-term sexual relationship with a 24-year-old Marine.  And just like that, Lizzie’s poll numbers skyrocketed!  I think they missed the boat since the Marine in question is male!  I mean, if they really want to smear, go the obvious route.

I typically don’t start by remembering someone who has passed away, but Diahann Carroll was anything but typical.  Just the spelling of her name let you know that she was different (a wise and powerful friend always pronounces it with three syllables – Di-ah-hann).  Out of the many memories I have with her, I’d like to share one special anecdote.  I wasn’t yet living in LA, but I was visiting and decided to go to the movies alone.  There were only a few people in front of me to buy a ticket in Century City, but then I spied Diahann quietly go to the end of this long line.  I had just spent time with her in Boston a few weeks earlier, so I caught her attention and surreptitiously slipped her in line ahead of me.  She thanked me, adding that the manager of the cinema said she could always ask for him and not wait in line.  But, she added, “I don’t do things like that”.

I asked what she was there to see.  “My daughter is in school in New York and she said I had to see The Joy Luck Club because it’s about mothers and daughters.  So, I brought my mother to see it,” and pointed to the lovely Mrs. Johnson, who was sitting nearby on a bench.  We got up to the window and Diahann bought her ticket.  Then she turned to me – “I never asked – what are you seeing?”  Well, I was planned on seeing The Real McCoy – don’t feel bad if you don’t remember this Kim Basinger/Val Kilmer stinker.  I certainly couldn’t admit to Diahann that I was going to see this piece of trash.  Plus, I smelled an opportunity.  I, too, got a ticket for The Joy Luck Club.  Diahann was delighted.  “How great we ran into each other – now we can all see it together.”  And that, dear readers, is how I shared a beautiful mother/daughter moment with Diahann Carroll…and her mother.  Rest in peace.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Karl in Chicago: “I just heard that Tuc Watkins and Andrew Rannells are a couple.  Is it true?  Really?”

As people online are saying, they are an “Instagram couple” – whatever that means.  Cheyenne Jackson chimed in, commenting, “You’re Insta-ficial now” – and he knows a thing or two about online love affairs.  Tuc and Andrew co-starred as combative lovers in the Broadway revival of The Boys in the Band, and they’re currently shooting a film version for Netflix with the same cast.  So, needless to say, they’re “close”.  Perhaps that’s why they’ve both posted several steamy pix together on their social media accounts.  While I’m happy to see two hot shirtless guys, I’m troubled that all of these photos feature Rannells embracing Watkins from behind.  Oh, the humanity.

Someone I saw at Little Shop was an ebullient Alexandra Billings.  The trans actress has reason to celebrate.  She’ll be joining the Broadway cast of Wicked as Madame Morrible.  The press release announcement states, “Alexandra is the first openly trans actress to play the role.”  Her first night will be January 20^th.

On the flip side, Erika Jayne is going into Chicago.  This, too, could be seen in a historic context, because I believe Jayne is the first openly discussed possible transgender performer to play the role of Roxie.  And if you think I’m going to get into the “is s/he or isn’t s/he”, no dice.  That’s between her and her gynecologist and/or proctologist.  What I got a kick out of is that her press release goes to great pains to state that this will be Erica Jayne’s first appearance on Broadway.  Really?  You mean she never did The Cherry Orchard, or Elektra?

Making real history, playwright Charles Busch will lead an all-star Broadway benefit performance of his play The Tale of the Allergist’s Wife and he’ll take over the titular role, originally played by Linda Lavin.  But Lavin will still be performing – filling in for the late Shirl Bernheim, who was the original Frieda.  The rest of the original cast will also appear – Michele Lee, Tony Roberts, and Anil Kumar.  This is an Actors Fund benefit and will take place on November 18^th at the Friedman Theatre.  Grab your tix at ActorsFund.org.  See you there (God willing).

Fresh off his historic Emmy win, Billy Porter went to the Pasadena Playhouse for the opening night of Little Shop of Horrors to support his Pose co-star, Mj Rodriguez.  She made theatrical history as the first transgender actress to play Audrey.  So, for those of you who wondered if trans people could only play trans characters: the answer is no – they can play whatever roles they are suited for (and, obviously, the converse is true).  Aside from some key changes and awkward harmonies, it worked just fine.  BTW, Billy Porter’s voice was used for the opening narration.  And here’s a bit of trivia – Porter was the voice of the plant, Audrey II, in a 2003 touring production of Little Shop which closed just prior to opening on Broadway.

In this production, Amber Riley played the plant.  The innocent little sprout in Act 1 remained throughout – except during feeding when puppeteers swung giant tentacles (I initially wrote giant testicles…. Freudian slip).  George Salazar was a solid Seymour, while Matt Wilkas’ portrayal of Orin’s death scene took on operatic proportions – not that there’s anything wrong with that.  While it was a good, solid, stripped-down and basic production with admirable performances, I didn’t think it was special – aside from the non-traditional casting.  It runs through October 20^th, and you can get tix at PasadenaPlayhouse.org.

If you saw the film Pacific Heights, you know it’s pretty hard to evict someone in California.  Here in West Hollywood, a prominent political activist and donor wasn’t evicted when a random person died in his apartment.  He also wasn’t evicted after a second suspicious death in that same apartment.  Everything changed when a third person nearly died in the apartment.  If you don’t know the story of Ed Buck, it’s a doozy.  In 2017, someone died of an overdose in his apartment during a sexual tryst.  But this is West Hollywood, so most people didn’t bat an eye.  When an eerily similar incident occurred 18 months later, many saw a pattern.  Both victims were black men who overdosed on methamphetamine.  But the police said insufficient evidence.  When a third African-American man survived a similar scenario a month ago, Buck was arrested and charged with three counts of battery and allegedly injecting the third victim with methamphetamine.  He also was charged with operating a “drug den” in his apartment, which is probably against the rules of his lease.  The eviction paperwork was filed last week.

I did a bit more digging.  The third victim says he went to Buck’s apartment on September 4^th and was given a large dose of methamphetamine.  When he thought he might be overdosing, he left to seek medical attention.  But a week later, he returned and was given TWO doses of methamphetamine.  I don’t want to be one of those people who blame the victim, but come on!  I don’t care if you’re a junkie, I don’t care if you’re with the hottest guy in the world, and I even don’t care if you’re getting paid.  If you think you are being overdosed and leave, don’t go back.

“Hello.  I’m Frankie Grande, and I’m a proud, sloppy, pig bottom.”  
– Ariana’s brother comes out of the closet at the LA LGBT Center’s 50^th Anniversary
Hearts of Gold concert.  Anyone surprised?  Hands?  Put those down – I did not say fists!

I left my first event somewhat perfunctorily in order to get to my next event.  Alas, the legendary Greek Theatre is roughly 20 miles from UCLA – and on a Saturday night, that could take a good two hours.  But to celebrate the LA LGBT Center’s 50^th Anniversary, it was worth the effort.  This gala was broken up into 10-year chunks.  I got there at the tail end of the ‘70s, so I missed Sia.  But I arrived in time to see Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda share their long history with our community whilst having enormous difficulty reading the TelePrompTer.  Turns out, the problem was a lighting issue which continued throughout the evening.  But nothing could dampen the comedy stylings of Kathy Griffin, who not only recounted her many appearances at The Center’s Renberg Theatre, but also bid adieu to some less than politically correct terms (one of which was “sloppy pig bottom” – see the opening quote).  Highlights from the show were a mesmerizing performance by Melissa Etheridge, a touching Ty Herndon, a terrific Thelma Houston, and of course, my Play Mama, Jenifer Lewis, closing the show as only she could.  You can get more information about the work being done at The Center at LALGBTCenter.org.

All Emmys Eve was a particularly busy day for Billy Masters.  First stop was Royce Hall at UCLA for Seth Rudetsky and James Wesley’s Concert for America.  Interspersed between the musical performances, we were given information about the recipient of this benefit – the National Immigration Law Center.  The work they do is truly inspiring, and the far-reaching effect of the dangerous policies of the current administration will hopefully lead to change in the coming elections.  Taken as a whole, the concerts that Seth and James produce prove how one person (or, in this case, two people) can make a difference.  In terms of individual performances, my highlights were the always luminous Liz Callaway and the magnificent Melissa Manchester.  Check out clips from the concert on ConcertsForAmerica.com and, should you feel moved to make a donation, follow the information on that page.

The unofficial start of the entertainment season is traditionally the Emmy Awards.  This event which honors excellence in television (or, more accurately, any entertainment not in a cinema) is split between two weekends.  First, we have the Creative Arts Emmys, or what Kathy Griffin lovingly calls the Schmemmys.  These are where the bulk of the technical, reality, and “other media” awards are given out.  For the fourth year in a row, RuPaul was the winner for Outstanding Host for a Reality or Competition Program – which meant s/he is now tied for most wins in that category with Jeff Probst.  There is a connection between the two, which will be explained in detail next year in my autobiography.

The news for RuPaul keeps getting better.  Drag Race continues its world domination with UK, Thai, and Chilean versions bowing in the near future.  But that’s not all – Drag Race will soon be hitting the Vegas Strip.  Yes, RuPaul’s Drag Race Live! will take residency at the Flamingo Hotel from January through August 2020.  The drag divas will be swapping off dates with Paula Abdul in the venue which has been home to Donny and Marie for over a decade.  I have an amusing anecdote tying this all together, but once again, I’m saving that for the book.

All is not rosy in Ru-ville.  Two Drag Race alums got some bad news last week.  We had previously reported that Jinkx Monsoon and Ginger Minj would be headlining a national tour of the musical Xanadu.  The entire tour was scuttled literally two weeks before opening night in Baltimore.  We hear that the high-profile project was not selling well in most cities and, while the producers believed in the venture, they would lose less money by simply calling it off.  Putting on a brave face, the tour is officially “on hold” – but don’t expect it to ever happen.

In anticipation of the UK version of Drag Race, RuPaul was asked whether “cisgender women” would be allowed to compete.  In the live interview, we’re told usually unflappable Ru was…well, flapped, and a producer had to jump in and say that “the show is inclusive because it’s on the BBC”.  After the fact, an e-mail was sent to the interviewer saying that RuPaul has learned “never to say never”.

What I’ve learned is to always share hot photos of scantily clad men on BillyMasters.com.  In this case, they are the Pit Crew from the UK edition of Drag Race.  They are truly delectable.

The next day, it was time for the Emmys themselves.  In a word…YAWN!  If this is what the new television season is going to look like, I may sit this one out.  And, while I enjoy Thomas Lennon, I absolutely loathed his banal commentary.  In fact, halfway through the ceremony, I was rooting for him to fall out of his balcony perch and plummet to his death.  And if that sounds harsh, clearly you were amongst the multitude not watching.

Congrats to Billy Porter for his historic win – the first time an openly gay black man ever won a leading actor Emmy.  And it came the day after his 50^th birthday.  Happy birthday, from one Billy to another.

Our Ask Billy question this week comes from Warren in San Francisco: “Did you see Ma?  Nobody has mentioned it, but I’m sure I saw Luke Evans’ penis when Octavia Spencer cut it off.  Was it really his dick?”

At the time the film was released, Luke posted the following on social media: “So…who has seen @MAmovie?  And is wondering about that scene…you know the one…”  I didn’t see it – the movie or the penis.  So I went and looked for it – the movie and the penis.  And I saw it – both.  What pokes out from under the sheets is a rather substantial flaccid phallus.  And it sure looked real to me.  Decide for yourself on BillyMasters.com.

Someone else who has been caught in flagrante delicto is the lovely Orlando Bloom.  Earlier this month, he was on Howard Stern – well, he was on Howard’s show.  During the lengthy interview, the subject of those nude photos of him with Katy Perry came up (up being the operative word, as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com).  Orlando took a bit of bloom off the photos by saying, “It is really not that big.  Things are expanded on camera with a big optical lens.  It is an optical illusion.”  Well, I guess images could appear bigger in photos, but I’d really need to see it for myself.

Speaking of legal briefs, Aaron Schock dodged a bullet when the prosecutor dropped all criminal charges against him.  Since I’m sure you’re far more acquainted with his nude photos and videos (all of which are mandatory viewing on BillyMasters.com), let me remind you that he was accused of misusing taxpayer dollars for his office redecoration and travel for himself and “companions”.

However, all is not dory for the hunky Schock.  Last week, Aaron showed up at Revolver in West Hollywood.  It happened to be karaoke night, hosted by local drag performer Jonnie Reinhart.  So, let’s break this down – a hot-but-closeted politician goes into a gay bar where a drag queen has a microphone.  What could possibly go wrong?  Reinhart decided to sing a song, which she introduced thusly: “This song is dedicated to someone who’s in the audience and it goes out to anybody who votes against gay rights”.  Her choice was Lily Allen’s “F You”.  Reinhart later said, “I figured he would get the message and I actually thought that he would just leave…but he didn’t.”

Jonnie allegedly went up to Schock privately.  “I explained to him why I was upset that he was there, why other people were upset that he was there, and I basically told him that he wasn’t going to be welcomed in gay spaces until he began the process of apologizing and healing the harm that his actions have caused.”  Reinhart says, “Then he shared his experience of being publicly outed and he spoke about his family’s reaction to him being gay.”  Details, please.  “He’s actually no longer a public official, so it feels a bit slimy for me to say everything that he told me.  Basically he told me his family’s reaction was not positive – it was very bad.  And he insisted that he wasn’t looking for sympathy, and he said that he was working on putting out a statement.”

I wasn’t the only one who made out with the law (literally).  Felicity Huffman had some luck during the sentencing for her part in the Operation Varsity Blues case.  You’ll recall that Felicity paid $15K to the Key Worldwide Foundation for someone to take the SATs for her daughter.  How stupid.  Never leave a paper trail; always use cash!  You’d think someone who had been on Desperate Housewives would know better.  Huffman admitted guilt, appeared remorseful, and threw herself on the mercy of the court.  The result?  She was sentenced to 14 days in jail, $30K in fines, and 250 hours of community service.  I know I’m in the minority here, but why jail time?  And I’m not singling Huffman out – why jail time for anyone?  Skip jail (which costs taxpayers) and just increase the fine.

Someone who I’m sure is watching this case very closely is Lori Loughlin, who paid $500K to get her bratty daughter, Olivia Jade, into college (where she probably attended classes for less than 14 days).  Given that Loughlin is not admitting guilt, is not repentant, and is fighting the charges, her inevitable sentencing should be harsher.  On a purely mathematical level, since Huffman got two weeks for $15K, Loughlin would be lucky to get 66 weeks in the pokey!  Some are claiming that Lori is a secret genius – which is the only kinda genius she could be.  Between her various motions and demands, heaven knows when her trial will begin.  On the other hand, rumor has it that the pending litigation is taking a toll on her marriage.  Or, as I like to call it, a win/win.

This week’s Ask Billy question is one many of you had.  Karl in Chicago writes, “You said James Van Der Beek will be on Dancing with the Stars.  But hasn’t he already done that show?  You ran photos of him dancing.”

Yes and no.  While playing a fictionalized version of himself on Don’t Trust The B—- in Apartment 23, his character competed on DWTS.  Alas, his competition included Dean Cain – back when you wanted to see him in Spandex.  To calm down, Beek drank something he shouldn’t.  You can see how it turned out on BillyMasters.com.

When Dawson’s going up the creek without a samba, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Before closing, I must acknowledge the passing of Project Runway alum Chris March.  He was one of those people who lit up a room.  He was a formidable presence and a big personality to match.  Very quick, very catty, and beyond talented – my kinda guy.  It’s being reported that he had a massive heart attack at 56.  Although I’m heading down to Florida this week, I am always updating www.BillyMasters.com – the site that happens to be very popular with conversion therapy professionals.  If you have a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before the NFL sends rookies to Ben Crosswhite for training (yes, that’s what we’re calling it now).  Until next time, remember one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Details of Ryan Murphy’s marriage with Netflix are starting to take shape.  There’s a new show called The Politician which debuts later this month and stars Ben Platt, Jessica Lange and Gwyneth Paltrow.  Speaking of Miss Lange, she will star in a series about the legendary Marlene Dietrich.  Ryan also plans lots of Broadway-centric shows, including the just-filmed The Boys in the Band starring the entire cast from last year’s Broadway hit, a film version of the Broadway musical The Prom starring Nicole Kidman and Meryl Streep, and a miniseries about A Chorus Line.  There will be a limited series about designer Halston starring Ewan McGregor, and a docuseries about Andy Warhol.  Most tantalizing for me are two projects.  One is a series called Ratched starring Sarah Paulson in the origin story of the nurse from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.  Paulson’s real-life love, Holland Taylor, will join Patti LuPone for Hollywood, which explores Tinseltown’s relationship with the sex industry.  That series will also star Darren Criss, who is an executive producer, and is due to debut next May.