Category Archives: Breaking

How Modest is John Cena?

Our Ask Billy question looks back to those long-ago OscarsRandy in Chicago says, “I loved the John Cena streaker bit at the Oscars.  Is there any behind-the-scenes footage?  Was he actually nude?  I figure you’d know.”

I do know.  Of course, even without knowing, I would have known.  I suspect most people who would be invited to appear on the Academy Awards wouldn’t be the type of people who would want to be nude on the Academy Awards.  Even John Cena – longing as he may be to have his name linked in any way with the Oscars – is not that person.  He is also not so acclaimed as an actor to not go for a laugh, particularly a laugh in which he gets to flaunt his almost-flawless physique alongside his somewhat less-developed comedic chops.  Cena was wearing what is known in the biz as a “modesty garment” (and not the type those nice Mormon boys wear).  This flesh-colored panel adheres directly to one’s skin to provide the illusion of nudity – to say nothing of the genitalia of Ken (of Barbie fame).  Although we’ve previously seen his ass in all its glory, we are happy to share some behind-the-scenes stills of Cena’s modesty on BillyMasters.com.

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When the only one with something to hide is John Cena, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  Happily, there’s enough dish to go around on www.BillyMasters.com, the site that has nothing to hide.  I’ll be in Fort Lauderdale this week, but I’m always here to answer your questions.  Write to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before any garment I don protects my modesty!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

RuPaul Peddles Hitler

Have you heard about AllstoraRuPaul’s new online bookstore?  In a video from March 4th, Ru said “Allstora is supporting authors, it is supporting you – all voices, everywhere.  This is a platform that I am in love with because the conversation needs to move forward, it really does, through books, through conversations, through community.”  A week later, it was discovered that Allstora was carrying several books by anti-LGBTQ authors.  Works by people like Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Kirk Cameron, and other “luminaries” that I have somehow never heard of.  Well, except for Adolf Hitler, whose Mein Kampf was available for purchase in both English and German…for those of you who enjoy a foreign tongue.  CEO Eric Cervini took the blame.  “While a library should fulfill its civic duty of making all perspectives, however abhorrent, available to all, the environment I envisioned for Allstora was one that made its guests feel safe.  In building that space, I failed…While other online bookstores will continue selling hate-filled books, Allstora will not.”

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Which leads us to a story about someone taking lemons and attempting to make lemonade…literally.  When Don Lemon announced his new show would be on Twitter/X, everyone thought he was crazy.  Then he booked the craziest person he could find as his first guest.  And when Elon Musk bristled under the scrutiny of Lemon, they parted ways.  How anyone thought this venture would end differently is a matter for the theologians.  I saw this coming a mile away (so did Kara Swisher, as it turns out).  Lemon now reveals that his show was never under Musk’s purview – he made that revelation on The View.  It was a partnership.  Lemon claims to own the footage, which will still pop up everywhere – including on X – on March 18th.  Something tells me there is more to this story, even if it ends with Don Lemon being sued or collecting unemployment!

Pacino’s Was Under Orders

 

You’ve all heard about Rose Hanbury, right?  The woman Prince William allegedly had an affair with?  As if the Royal Family doesn’t have enough problems.  Meanwhile, Kate Middleton is in an undisclosed location (probably with Shelly Miscavige), recovering from God-only-knows what.  How many of you believe that on her way to the throne, Princess Kate took an online Photoshopping course.  Hands?  I didn’t think so.  But I’m supposed to believe that in the middle of a medical crisis, the future Queen of England decided to do some digital manipulation on a photo of her and her kids – a photo where she’s not sporting a ring.  And she’s able to edit photos, why can’t she release a video statement?  Something is rotten in the state of Denmark, Macduff!  “But who is Rose Hanbury?” I can hear you wistfully crying.  She is the Marchioness of Cholmondeley – an explanation that sheds virtually no light on the situation.  She’s a former model, married to David Rocksavage, and has three kids… presumably with her husband.  Her grandmother was one of Queen Elizabeth’s bridesmaids.  A while back, some of the more scurrilous British rags broke the affair rumors, pointing out that there is a long tradition of British monarchs having mistresses.  True or not, the rumors resurfacing at this time coincide with Kate’s mysterious absence.

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Watch this seamless transition.  Believe it or not, the Oscars were only a week ago.  I remember, because we waited to publish this column in case something gossip-worthy happened.  Turns out, the gossip happened days earlier.  Members of Prince Harry’s court got in touch with Elton John asking for an invite to the singer’s iconic Oscars-viewing party.  The answer received was a terse, “No”.  Turns out, Elton harbors some anger ever since Harry questioned some comments in John’s autobiography – all of which turns out to be hilarious in light of Harry’s casual relationship with facts in his own memoir.  The two had been lumped in with other notable persons in a suit against the publisher of the Daily Mail.  Harry dropped his portion of the suit after allegedly being paid a substantial sum of money.  Integrity, you see, cannot be bought.  But it can be rented…for the right price.

I really don’t know what to say about Al Pacino.  This is one of those “he says/nobody says” controversies that could only be solved by Robert Stack.  In case you missed it, Pacino was the last presenter at the Academy Awards and ambled onstage with all the panache of an unmade bed.  After some forgettable comments, he simply announced that the winner of Best Picture was Oppenheimer.  No list of nominees or producers.  No formalities.  Just, Oppenheimer, and see ya.  True, he didn’t proclaim La La Land, but still…  Most people chalked it up to Al being somewhat bewildered.  However, Pacino explains that he did not botch the assignment – he simply was following orders.  “There seems to be some controversy about my not mentioning every film by name last night before announcing the Best Picture award.  I just want to be clear it was not my intention to omit them, rather a choice by the producers not to have them said again since they were highlighted individually throughout the ceremony.  I was honored to be a part of the evening and chose to follow the way they wished for this award to be presented.”  His explanation seems to hinge on the presumption that the awards show was running long.  Problem is that host Jimmy Kimmel had just said that they were ahead of schedule.  Producers have remained mum on the subject – and I would expect them to either continue that tacit solution or to back up what the legendary star said.  Personally, I suspect we have an Elizabeth Taylor Gladiator situation on our hands.

The Fall and Rise of Jenifer

“I didn’t marry, Robin.  And I didn’t give birth to children. 
I married Nature.  Nature’s my husband!”
 
Jenifer Lewis tells ABC’s Robin Roberts about her near-death experience in Africa.

Many people think that since I write this type of column, I can’t keep a secret.  Of course, being able to keep a secret is precisely why I’m still doing this after almost three decades.  A perfect example was when Jenifer Lewis went public last week regarding her near-death experience deep in the heart of the Serengeti.  For those who missed it, the Black-ish star took a harrowing 10-foot tumble off the balcony of her hotel in Tanzania and was almost mounted by a herd of cape buffalos – admittedly, something a few of my readers might enjoy.  That she was able to keep details secret – complete with being carted away by Maasai warriors, airlifted out of the country by Doctors Without Borders, enduring a nine-hour surgery in Nairobi, three blood transfusions, and six days in ICU – is not the most remarkable part of the story.  That I have kept my mouth shut for over two years – well, that’s something!  I wouldn’t do that for just anyone.  My brave, strong, talented friend Jenny might have fallen.  But she got up!  You can watch the full interview here.

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It’s an old showbiz joke.  Jenifer Lewis occasionally uses it in her shows.  She’ll get a standing ovation, and then point to an imaginary person in the back row.  “Why aren’t you getting up?  I don’t care if you’re in a wheelchair – GET UP!”  Well, that always gets a laugh.  But it was no laughing matter when Madonna – not a laugh riot under the best of circumstances – chastised someone in the front row of her Vancouver concert last month.  “What are you doing sitting down over there?”  Madonna had a spotlight put on Vanessa Gorman, who happened to be in a bright pink wheelchair.  “Oh, okay.  Politically incorrect.  Sorry about that.  I’m glad you’re here,” backtracked the Material Girl.  Vanessa happens to be a paraplegic.  She recently responded to all of the criticism Madonna got over the issues.  “Some people are in wheelchairs and can stand.  She had no idea I was paralyzed.”

Oscars, Oscars, Oscars

I know you’re all waiting for me to talk about the Oscars.  Well, what can I say?  I really liked Ryan Gosling’s hair.  What can I say?  The fewer buttons he buttons, the happier I am.  Oh, and I liked his tribute to Marilyn Monroe – which most people seemed to have missed.  Beyond that, I dunno – it was fine.  Da’Vine Joy Randolph proved that support CAN be beautiful.  And, OK, John Cena’s not much with words, but who cares?  John Mulaney needs a haircut.  At one point, I thought it was gonna start raining in the theatre.  I never realized that Billie Eilish is the Christiane Amanpour of music.  I think I might have slept with her brother.  Am I the only one who thinks Ariana wasn’t there and it was Frankie under all that tulle?  And, fun fact – Helen Mirren in her Golda Meir makeup looks exactly like Anna Wintour clean scrubbed!

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In honor of the Academy Awards, a special “Could it be…” item:

Could it be that a certain nominee was sporting a little less stubble at the ceremony?  It all started when his “girlfriend” was pissed off that she wasn’t going to be his plus-one…like she had been all awards season.  By then, she had already served her purpose.  Or not.  Our boy shaved his beard quicker than you can say, “See you next Tuesday” – which I believe is how missy got famous in the first place!

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When our blind item is always a bridesmaid (literally), we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  Could I give the Academy a tip?  It might be smart to explain to all future presenters that one must either read or allow the announcer to read all of the nominees before tearing into the envelope and proclaiming a winner.  If you are a film buff, or simple a fan of buff film stars, head on over to www.BillyMasters.com, the site where everyone’s a winner.  If you have a question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I show up anywhere with Big Mama Masters.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

 

Celebrity Big Brother

I have been riveted watching Celebrity Big Brother.  No, you haven’t missed something – this is the UK version of the series.  Watching requires quite a bit of fiddling with my dish – something I do with alarming regularity.  But I simply couldn’t wait to see the reunion of Sharon Osbourne and Louis Walsh – who you may recall were part of the judging dream team on The X Factor (also UK).  Shazza’s not an actual competitor.  She’s what they call a “lodger”.  She gets her own room, cannot be evicted, and has a hand in picking who goes (Kate Middleton’s uncle Gary was the first out).  We hear Osbourne was paid roughly $100K a day – which is why she’s only scheduled to stay in the house for the first week.  Again, Ka-Ching!  This led to an unexpected development.  Sharon’s candid opinions about celebrities (in and out of the house) have made her incredibly popular with viewers – so popular that there is a campaign to start a GoFundMe page in order to raise enough money to keep her on the show!  Stay tuned.

There’s no shortage of gay representation in the Celebrity Big Brother house.  While none of the gays are my cuppa tea, let’s briefly chat about Bradley Riches – who you know from Saltburn or the UK series Heartstopper.  He’s also the youngest person in the house.  If memorable CCB vet Jackie Stallone were still with us, she’d call him “the little boy”.  That little boy has a little edge over his competitors.  For the past few months, he’s been spending a lot of time with Jordan Sangha and Henry Southan – two gay housemates from the most recent non-celebrity installment of Big Brother.  Did they give Bradley some tips?  Perhaps they both slipped him the tip.

More Queer Eye Drama

Once again, Queer Eye is in the news.  The week began with allegations that Tan France colluded to get Bobby Berk booted in order to get Jeremiah Brent hired.  This wasn’t a stretch since we know there had been tension between Berk and France.  Tan took to Instagram to proclaim his innocence.  “My former colleague getting fired had nothing to do with me trying to get my friend hired.”  Which begs the question – Bobby Berk was fired?  I thought he said he simply didn’t renew his contract.  Things that make you go, “Hmm”.  A couple of days later, Rolling Stone ran an exposé alleging that Jonathan Van Ness is a “monster” and has “rage issues”.  Ten former members of the production were interviewed, and they claim Van Ness is “emotionally abusive”.  Juicy!

 

Kylie and Madonna

I understand Madonna’s reasoning for touring without a band.  Ka-Ching!  But it does make for an awkward moment – like when she invited Kylie Minogue onstage in Los Angeles.  Obviously there’s a significant age gap.  But how does Kylie in the audience at a concert look more camera-ready than Madge onstage?  Sure, there’s copious amounts of makeup on both.  On one hand, you have Madonna in her too-short hot pants, braids, cowboy boots and hat.  On the other, Kylie is wearing a vintage Madonna shirt and Capri pants.  Seeing them standing together onstage invoked an image of a future touring company of the musical Grey Gardens!  And then, God help me, Madonna pulled out that guitar.  You know for weeks she worked on the handful of chords needed for “I Will Survive”.  See, you don’t have these problems when you employ union musicians.  But the presence of some synth or cello in the background belies the spontaneous presentation of this musical summit, which was obviously scripted within an inch of its life.  The duo segued into a few acapella bars of Kylie’s “Can’t Get You Out of My Head”.  I hope at the very least they comped her ticket!  Of course, you can see the full performance on BillyMasters.com.

 

Not So Sloppy Seconds

Our Ask Billy question comes from Henry in Chicago: “What will happen to Queer Eye now that Bobby Berk has left?  Will there only be a Fab Four?”

Have no fear – he’s already been replaced.  And, one could argue, Netflix has traded up.  Joining the cast for season 9 is Jeremy Johnson, who you probably know as Jeremiah Brent.  When and why he changed his birth name is one of those unknown mysteries – like the purpose of the Sphinx.  Aside from being quite a looker, the only thing I know him from is being Mr. Nate Berkus…and, frankly, how long or thick a resume do you think that requires?  Don’t answer that!  Come to think of it, this is not his first replacement gig (well, second if you count his personal life).  Jeremy/Jeremiah was previously hired by Bravo to replace Brad Goreski when he left The Rachel Zoe Project.  That was a somewhat ignoble experience.  He lasted eight episodes, during which he was hired, fired, and rehired – only to not return the following season.  Which begs the question – do these reality show experts actually know anything?  Or are they simply people who are cast based on their looks?  While researching Johnson/Brent, I see these two jobs, and then see a list of magazine covers he’s graced.  Is he good at anything other than looking good?  Trust me, I don’t say that as if it isn’t a full-time job.  But, you know, some of us read!  If you wanna read and look at a bunch of pretty pictures, go to BillyMasters.com.

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When Jeremiah Brent has a real name and a stage name, we’ve definitely got something to look into as we end yet another column.  You know who else has two names?  Porn stars and escorts.  You don’t think…nah, probably not.  But I’ll look into it while you check out www.BillyMasters.com, the site that uncovers the most interesting things.  If you have a question or wanna just slip me a tip, dash a note off to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Jeremy/Jeremiah replaces ME…or I replace him!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

The Bitch is Back!

I recently told you that Jinkx Monsoon would reprise her history-making portrayal of Matron “Mama” Morton in the Broadway production of Chicago this June.  But she’s got another high-profile gig coming up before that.  Starting on April 2nd, she’ll be playing Audrey in the off-Broadway production of Little Shop of Horrors.  While certainly a plum assignment, this one is not completely unprecedented.  Back in 2019, the then-billed Mj Rodriguez played the role of Audrey at the Pasadena Playhouse.  OK, perhaps that was even more eventful – a trans woman of color.  But good for you, Jinkx.

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The Elton John musical version of The Devil Wears Prada has undergone many rewrites since its lackluster debut in Chicago back in 2022.  For the oft-delayed London premiere this fall, producers have enlisted the aid of a real diva – Vanessa Williams.  It’s perhaps a bit on-the-nose.  After all, Wilhelmina Slater on Ugly Betty was basically a rip-off of Miranda Priestly in Prada.  But at least we know Vanessa can play the role.  More than a few critics have noted that in Chicago, the role of Andy was played by a black woman.  This led to many reviews focusing on Miranda being mean to a black underling – thus injecting a racial undertone.  Now that we have a Miranda of color, what will that dynamic be like?  Or will Andy now be Caucasian?  And what would that mean?  Frankly, it’s all too exhausting.

Another person headed to the British stage is Todrick Hall.  He’ll be starring in a new musical based on the tepidly received Cher flick, Burlesque.  He’ll be playing the role of Sean – which was played onscreen by Stanley Tucci.  Both Steve Antin (director and writer of the film) and Christina Aguilera (film co-star) are producers of this new incarnation, which will have its world premiere at the Manchester Opera House in June.  We’re also told that the show will feature several songs by Todrick, Aguilera, Sia, Diane Warren, and others.

Bravolebrities in Court

Eagle-eyed Madonna fans noted a minor change in her show.  During “Live To Tell”, she has a photographic montage of people who have succumbed to HIV-related illnesses.  Recently that montage was suddenly missing singer Luther Vandross.  When asked, Madonna’s camp confirmed the change, saying that representatives from the Vandross estate objected to his being included.  It should be noted that Vandross never confirmed he was gay or HIV-positive.

Someone who is certainly out is Andy Cohen.  The Bravo honcho is still reeling from Brandi Glanville’s suit which we discussed last week (look it up on BillyMasters.com).  This week, he’s being attacked by Leah McSweeney – who, I must say, I’ve never heard of.  Apparently she’s a former Real Housewife of New York City, and she’s filed a suit against Cohen.  In it, she calls Bravo “a rotted workplace culture that uniquely depended on pressuring its employees to consume alcohol.”  Hard to argue with that.  She then specifically targets Andy by saying that he “engaged in cocaine use with Housewives and other Bravolebrities that he employs.”  Well, I’m SHOCKED.  Shocked that any legal document includes the word “Bravolebrities”!  She goes on to say that although the defendants knew she had an alcohol problem, they “colluded with her colleagues to pressure Ms. McSweeney to drink, retaliated against her when she wanted to stay sober, and intentionally failed to provide reasonable accommodations that would aid her efforts to stay sober and able to perform.”  Here’s my problem with that – if I tell you to jump off a bridge and you do it, is that my fault?  You have free will.  OK, I probably wouldn’t say it to someone with diminished cognitive issues.  And if I’m not mistaken, that’s a prerequisite for Bravolebrities!

Gays Invade OK and FL

“A tiger and a little bit of meth I can make MGK gay.” 
Joe Exotic posts a photo of Machine Gun Kelly with this inscription. 
Frankly, I probably wouldn’t be trying to turn anyone with a gun!

This column almost opened with a quote from Oklahoma State Senator Tom Woods – who, needless to say, is a Republican.  Last week, at a public forum, he was asked something which deserves to be quoted in its entirety: “Is there a reason why you won’t answer about the 50 bills targeting the LGBTQ community in the state of Oklahoma?  If you are ashamed of those bills, they shouldn’t be there?”  Senator Woods said, “We are a religious state and we are going to fight it to keep that filth out of the state of Oklahoma because we are a Christian state – we are a moral state.”  I must have dozed off at some point because I do not recall anything religious when I saw Oklahoma!.  And I’m not entirely sure some states are religious and others are atheist.  But, loyal fans know that when this column began over a quarter of a century ago, it was called “Filth”.  So thank you, Mr. Woods, for the shout-out!  But, it should be noted, he is correct – my column never appeared in print in Oklahoma.

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History was made at Mar-a-Lago last week – it hosted a gay wedding!  Now, I don’t know if this was the first gay wedding at the venue – but I’m fairly certain Marjorie Merriweather Post knew her share of gays!  We’re told that Donald Trump gave his personal approval for the ceremony to take place.  That’s probably because the guys getting hitched were Dan Medora and John Sullivan.  Sullivan happens to be the vice chairman and treasurer of the Log Cabin Republicans of Tennessee, and posted the following: “Huge thank you to Donald Trump for giving us the green light to have our wedding at the beautiful Mar-a-Lago club.”  While Trump has been known to pop in unexpectedly on private events at the club, he skipped this one.  He probably was worried he’d catch the bouquet!

This reminds me of a story we had to cut a few weeks ago due to space limitations.  A man who is a devotee of our former president decided to get a tattoo of Trump on his arm.  Except after posting it, most people pointed out that it looks more like Ross Mathews.  Oh, the irony!

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Don Lemon just hit the jackpot.  According to reports, CNN must pay him an early termination fee in the amount of $24.5 million!  Is it just me, or is he suddenly looking more attractive?  The payoff is based on the time he had remaining on his contract.  Still, I’d bet he’d rather not have the money and be on CNN instead of heading to X/Twitter!

Landon Conrad’s Comeback

Our Ask Billy question comes from Don in San Francisco: “I heard that my all-time porn crush Landon Conrad is making a comeback.  Is this true?  What made him come back after so long?”

This is the least offensive thing in my column!  Many people have great fondness for Landon Conrad, who has been popular since his first porn in 2009.  Then suddenly, around 2015, he took a break.  He hinted at a comeback in 2022 and, in late 2023, he filmed Global Entry: Mexico for Naked Sword (NakedSword.com).  In fact, his first scene just dropped last week.  I’m pleased to report that Landon is hotter than ever and shows off his versatility south of the border.  As to why he came back, he says people kept asking him – including on line at Starbucks!  “I look a little bit different than when I first came out.  I’m more of a daddy now.  I’m definitely embracing that.  I’m in better shape now.  I think I physically look better.  So why not?”  Why not indeed?  If his first scene with Aldo Guti is any indication, he’ll be around for a long, long time.  You can see him in action on BillyMasters.com.

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When Landon and I are both returning to our gay porn roots, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  Faithful fans know I used to cover gay porn much more in the old days.  I even had Billy’s gay porn posse.  Of course, back then we had actual stars.  Now, anybody with a webcam is a gay porn star.  But Landon is the real deal.  So is www.BillyMasters.com, the site that never offends.  Feel free to send your questions along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before this column comes with a “trigger warning”.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

 

Bradi’s Issues with Andy

Brandi Glanville was offended by Andy Cohen and is trying to get Bravo to fire him.  And her argument would probably result in the termination of a heterosexual producer – and we did fight for equality.  In 2022, Cohen sent Brandi a video saying he wanted her to watch him having sex with Kate Chastain, who was on Bravo’s Below Deck.  Andy claims it was a joke – which is obvious since he’s always presented himself as a “gold star gay”.  However, Brandi felt it was not only inappropriate but a harassing video.  Glanville’s lawyers put it in more legal terms: “Any boss who is clearly inebriated encouraging their employee by facetime video to watch their boss have sex with another employee, constitutes sexual harassment, plain and simple, under any definition even one concocted by NBC.”  Yes, it was obviously a joke.  But, as they say, rules is rules.

Where is Wendy Williams?

I am certainly no medical doctor – although I’ve slept with more than my share.  But I’m gonna tackle this Wendy Williams situation.  Full disclosure – a family friend had frontal lobe dementia, so while not exactly what Wendy has, this is something I know a bit about.  The causes of dementia are unclear, but frontal lobe issues are exacerbated by alcohol and drug abuse.  Last week, Williams allegedly went public with a diagnosis of aphasia and frontotemporal degeneration.  I say “allegedly”, because I have no idea who is speaking for Wendy.  Unless I see her say it herself, I don’t know – and even if I see her say it, I still ain’t so sure.

Last weekend, Lifetime aired the documentary, Where is Wendy Williams?.  Many people have criticized the network for airing this show.  Well, that offends me – because Wendy signed the contract for this and is an executive producer, which means she also got paid handsomely.  I presume so did her son, Kevin Jr. – he’s also listed as an executive producer and participated.  I’m not sure if Kevin Sr. got paid, but I bet money exchanged hands.  Yes, you might say Wendy’s not in her right mind to make those decisions.  Except she signed this contract pre-2020.  Back then, she had a three-project deal with Lifetime.  The first was a dramatization of her life, Wendy Williams – The Movie.  At the same time, she did a documentary called, Wendy Williams – What a Mess!.  This latest doc fulfills her contract – and is also a mess.  It should be noted that it began shooting just after her show got cancelled (June 2022) and ended when she was admitted to an unknown “facility” (April 2023).  As to the content, that could be another full column.  While I would like to hope I’m wrong, I think we all know how this story ends.

Kirk’s Playing with Himself

If people don’t want to be offended, they shouldn’t get out of bed.  Wise advice from your humble scribe.  This is apropos of a story regarding “trigger warnings” for the UK tour of the classic musical My Fair Lady.  For those of you who didn’t digest every second of the Rex Harrison/Julie Andrews original cast recording, let me tell you that the musical is set in Edwardian London – not an era known for equality.  Women had no rights, classes were more delineated, and poor people were happily dancing in the street!  The Old Vic warned that the show contained “portrayals of abuse, abusive language and coercive control”.  This is not unprecedented – the Broadway revival of 2018 “softened” the ending – because why would a woman come back to the man who mistreated her?  Last year’s revival of The Sound of Music warned that it “touches on Nazi Germany and the annexation of Austria…viewers may find certain themes distressing.”  Then don’t go!  Ralph Fiennes doesn’t believe in any warnings.  “The impact of theatre should be that you’re shocked and you should be disturbed.  I don’t think you should be prepared for these things.”  In other words, if you are someone who is offended by a work of art, STAY HOME!

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Kirk now and in his prime (right). Why, it’s almost criminal

I’m a bit offended by this next story.  On one hand, Kirk Cameron is crazy as a loon and looking more weathered.  On the other hand, he has residual cuteness and is entitled to have whatever opinions he chooses.  Frankly, I’m more offended by what time has done to his lovely visage.  Anyhoo, Kirk is launching a new series geared toward children.  “Parents and grandparents are sickened and tired of their children being attacked by the woke wolves of Hollywood.”  Are they?  Frankly, I found three things offensive in that statement – but I just picture him shirtless in his prime and, poof, I got over it.  The show is called Adventures with Iggy and Mr. Kirk.  Do you know how I’ve longed to call him Mr. Kirk?  Who is Iggy?  He’s a puppet.  So, Kirk is on a show that espouses fisting – not that I’m judging (I’m mildly titillated).  He lost me when he told Fox News, “It’s not just time to take back our libraries and literature.  It’s time to take back every area of culture that these animals have devoured.”  First, I haven’t devoured anybody in weeks.  Second, why are people always talking about taking things back?  Isn’t there room enough for all ideologies?  If you want to espouse Christian values standing next to a guy up to his elbow in felt, be my guest.  If I want to support drag queens reading to kids, fine.  If you don’t want your kid around the drag queen, keep them home.  And if I don’t wanna see you with a puppet…well, who am I kidding?  I’ll be watching.

All About Peachyboy

This beautifully leads into an Ask Billy question I’ve been sitting on for a few weeks – so to speak.  Dan in Miami asks, “Do you know this internet model who goes by the name Peachyboy?  He’s gorgeous – but I don’t know anything about him.  Has he done porn?  Is he gay?  And what’s his name?”

Do I know Peachyboy?  Have you met me – he’s exactly my type.  Sure, he’ll be bald in a few years, but the haircut definitely helps.  Not only is his body perfection, his face is dreamy and he has a British accent.  He’s exactly like me – except for the body, the face, and the accent!  OK, so he doesn’t kiss.  The good hookers never do.  And, sure, he might not have the biggest dick in the world.  But I betcha his perfect ass could definitely take it.  Tricky camera work stops us from seeing actual insertion.  But we do have video of him taking things bigger than most human penises with ease – and he seems to enjoy it.  Does that make him gay?  Nope – but it sure makes him open.

So, who is he?  His name is Sam.  He’s a fitness model and “influencer”, although what he is influencing is unclear.  He first popped up on British TV way back in 2016 on a show called The Lie Detective, where he was confronted by an ex-girlfriend Sophie who was angry he didn’t come to visit her in the hospital after a horse accident – and, no, I’m not making that up (we have the video).  At the time, he was an AC repairman.  While his fitness photos and videos got loads of attention, he’s honed his focus on gay men and makes what people would call “bait content”.  He plays the game, comes off almost completely asexual, and mostly courts the attentions of other very fit men.  There have been videos with some gay porn stars which mostly show them working on his ass with their fingers, tongues, and toys.  When criticized for being gay-for-pay during a video Q&A, he quipped, “If you think I am 100% straight, you are SO wrong!”  He certainly seems charming and sincere – but I’m a sucker for an accent (even if that really isn’t my thing).  I know what my fans want to know.  Yes, like many of the people in this week’s column, he’s on OnlyFans.  He can also be found on BillyMasters.com.

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When I’m suddenly in the mood for cobbler, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  And I ain’t talking about an old man working on my boots – although I do have a pair that needs a bit of resoling.  While I’m looking into that, you should look into www.BillyMasters.com, the site that’s got plenty of soul.  If you have a question, dash it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before any of these OF boys pays me a commission – and I do accept nature’s credit card.  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

 

Divers Doff Drawers

Olympian Tom Daly has a new partner.  Noah Williams is taking over as Tom’s synchro diving partner since Matty Lee is out with a back injury.  The newsome twosome are getting along famously and have all but qualified for the 2024 Paris Olympics after taking the silver at the World Championships in Qatar.  To seal the deal, Tom knitted Noah one of his famous “cock socks”.  When asked how he knew what size to make, Daly said, “I go by the one-size-fits-most rule.”  When Noah said, “Are you surprised I’ve actually worn it a few times?” Tom responded, “No, I’m not.  I think you actually posted a photo on your OnlyFans”.  Oh, yes, Noah’s got an OnlyFans account.  One reporter had the nerve to ask Tom if Noah is his type – a curious question since Tom is married to occasional auteur Dustin Lance Black.  I think we know what his type is, although variety is the spice of life.  Tom answered, “I like broad shoulders.  I like a swimmer’s physique.  Because that was what drew me to Lance in the first place, the fact that he was so wide at the top and then narrow.”  So, is that a maybe?

Noah ain’t the only Olympian with an OnlyFans page.  In fact, he isn’t even the only Olympic diver on OnlyFans.  In fact, he isn’t even the only Olympic diver connected to Tom Daley on OnlyFans.  In fact…oh, you get the idea.  Daley’s former partner Matty Lee has a page.  So do fellow British divers Daniel Goodfellow and Matthew Dixon.  Aussie diver Matthew Mitcham also has one – and he has the distinction of also being gay.  Speaking of gay, I think we’ve previously told you about New Zealand rower Robbie Manson.  I don’t believe any of them have shown what’s inside their Speedos – at least not up front.

 

Gay Porn Erectionist

Did I tell you about the gay porn star who was involved in the January 6th tourist jaunt?  Steven Miles is a member of the Proud Boys – which I thought was the name of a gay porn flick!  Previously, he “performed” under the name Sergeant Miles for Michael Lucas.  He was identified after posing for a photo with a woman, to whom he bragged about entering the Capitol building by breaking a window.  The woman became an FBI informant, and remembered some details about Miles and his “companion”.  After pleading guilty to all charges, he was sentenced to two years in prison for “assaulting, resisting, or impeding a law enforcement officer.”  Miles, who is married to a woman, said he was “humbled and humiliated” by his actions.  I expect he’s in for two more years of humbling and humiliation.

Monsoon’s a Mama Again

Last year, Jinkx Monsoon made history by being the first drag queen to play Matron “Mama” Morton in the Broadway company of Chicago.  In a bit of history repeating, Monsoon will return to the role for a limited run – June 27th through July 12th.  Not a bad way to celebrate Gay Pride in New York City.

A wise person once said you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and then you have the facts of life.  Come to think of it, it wasn’t a wise person.  It was Gloria Loring.  Whatever.  We’ve already told you the good, now we have to report the bad.  The show My Son’s a Queer (But What Can You Do?) has been a hit in London, and was slated for a Broadway run.  This solo show was scheduled to open February 27th.  And yet, at this very late date, the producers announced plans to delay the opening until next year.  Something to do with money, I suppose.

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Another show has announced intentions of reigning over the Great White Way next year – The Queen of Versailles.  It is based on the documentary of the same name about the life of beauty queen and TV personality Jacqueline “Jackie” Siegel.  The Boston tryout starts on July 16th for a limited five-week run.  This new musical will star Kristin Chenoweth and has been written by Wicked composer Stephen Schwartz, who I’m told wanted Chenoweth.  Tickets go on sale to the general public on February 28th at 10AM at EmersonColonialTheatre.com.

I want to applaud the Ogunquit Playhouse for their commitment to presenting new works.  True, many of these shows have had no life beyond the rocky Maine shore, but I’m still glad I saw them.  This season, they’ll be producing the world premiere of a musical version of My Best Friend’s Wedding.  Now, doesn’t that sound like a hit?  As long as they don’t screw up the book.  Not only is it a perfect vehicle for a stage show, but the songs come from the Burt BacharachHal David catalogue – including “I Say a Little Prayer”, “Walk on By”, and “I’ll Never Fall in Love Again”.  It runs September 26 – October 27.  More details can be found at OgunquitPlayhouse.org.

Drake’s Handy in his Plane

Our Ask Billy question comes from Kurt in Cambridge: “Everyone is talking about the Drake video, but I haven’t been able to find it.  Do you have it?  Is it real?”

For those of you who don’t know, a video leaked of Drake allegedly “pleasuring himself” on a bed that looks exactly like the bed on his private jet.  So, yeah, I think it’s him.  During a concert last week, Drake even said, “The rumors are true.”  I don’t know how hard it is to find, but you certainly could grab ahold of it at BillyMasters.com.

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When we’ve got our hands on Drake, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  In fact, this column needs two hands!  For all that and more, check out www.BillyMasters.com, the site that’ll never leave you dangling.  If you have a question you need answered, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Usher shows us what’s under his Skims.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Tyne’s Out, Spacey’s Gig

Meanwhile, things are not so hunky-dory for a comparatively young lady.  Tyne Daly was scheduled to return to Broadway in a high-profile revival of Doubt (co-starring Liev Schreiber).  Previews were scheduled to begin on February 3rd, but tragedy struck.  “Ms. Daly was unexpected hospitalized on Friday and unfortunately needs to withdraw from the production while she receives medical care; she is thankfully expected to make a full recovery,” said the Roundabout Theatre’s vague press release.  Previews ended up beginning on February 4th helmed by Tyne’s understudy, Isabel Keating.  Then it was announced that Amy Ryan will take over the role on my birthday, February 13th.  Since this is a short run (it closes on April 14th), Daly rejoining the cast is in…well, doubt.

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This week, 90% of the news coverage was about two elder statesmen (emphasis on the elder part).  But what caught my eye was when I heard that Danny Masterson was denied bail while awaiting his appeal.  The wording of Judge Charlaine Olmedo’s decision was…well, curious.  “If defendant’s conviction and sentence are upheld on appeal, he will likely remain in custody for decades and perhaps the rest of his life.  In light of the fact that defendant has no wife to go home to, defendant now has every incentive to flee and little reason to return to state prison to serve out the remainder of his lengthy sentence should his appeal be unsuccessful.”  I hear that Scientology’s diminutive head honcho, David Miscavige, has not returned any of his calls.  And I’m sure the same goes for Shelly Miscavige.  But on the positive side, I hear Danny’s mighty popular in his cell block!

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Speaking of people with legal troubles, there’s some surprising news about Kevin Spacey.  We hear that he’ll be appearing at the Mad Monster convention in Concord, North Carolina on February 16-18.  And he’ll be in good company.  Hottie John Schneider, who called for Joe Biden to be publicly hung, will also be in attendance.  Maybe that’s why Spacey is going – all he heard was “John Schneider” and “hung”!  I dunno how much you have to pay to get a photo with Kevin, but whatever it is, it’s a bargain!  Plus, he needs the money.  While he was originally ordered to pay the producers of House of Cards more than $31 million, he got them down to $1 million – which can be paid in installments.  I’m told the reduction was due to medical documentation that Spacey was in no condition to film due to mental illness, so now the insurance company is kicking in.  Still, I see many more cons in his future – in one way or another.

 

Joan Collins and GalPals

If you’re Joan Collins doing a book signing of your latest memoir, Behind the Shoulder Pads near Beverly Hills, what do you do?  You invite some of your favorite galpals, naturally.  Those fabulous females included Juliet Mills, Donna Mills (no relation), Stefanie Powers, Jane Seymour, Jerry Hall and Alana Stewart.  They even posed for a photo, and how lucky that they all still show up on film!  Add up their ages, and it’s positively biblical!  And it’s on BillyMasters.com.

Grammys, Go-Go’s and Bowl

I enjoy Bill Maher and am a fan of Real Time.  I particularly like his “New Rules”, but had a curious reaction to a recent installment where he complained about people in the music industry having invoking both violent and materialistic imagery.  While I agreed with him, I found the timing of this rant curious because earlier in the same program, his guest was Killer Mike.  I am not familiar with The Killer’s oeuvre, but the timing was…well, curious.  That Mike was charged with misdemeanor battery after winning three Grammys only added to my…curiosity.

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The big story at the Grammys was the appearance of Celine Dion – who has been routinely reported to be close to death.  I’m not saying she’s the picture of health, but I thought she looked fine – certainly by Celine standards.  Sure, she bore a striking resemblance to Madame Khrushchev when she appeared onstage in her coat, but maybe she was cold!  That was always the excuse Nikita’s wife used.  Meanwhile, everyone made much of Taylor Swift’s apparent disregard for the legend.  Now, I am no Swift apologist.  I think there’s a dark side to the pop star that most people haven’t seen – well, I bet John Mayer and at least two of the three Jonas Brothers have seen it.  Anyway, I hear that people at the Grammys were told to not get too close to Celine.  Of course, that doesn’t explain why Swift didn’t even glance at her onstage, but at least they took a photo backstage.

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Every time she thinks she’s out, they pull her back in.  I suspect this is how Belinda Carlisle feels about The Go-Go’s.  Despite frequently stating the band will never perform together again, they always do.  In her defense, it usually takes a really good cause – like the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, or helping one of the other members pay an overdue electric bill.  This time, it was to be inducted into the California Hall of Fame, which I actually had no idea even existed.  Not only did all five ladies fly in for the event, they even performed.  While the performance portion was not telecast, you can see some of their acoustic set on BillyMasters.com.

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During the pandemic, Dolly Parton considered abandoning plans for a stage musical about her life in favor of a biopic.  But here she comes again.  “Nah, everybody’s doing a biopic!  I’m going back to Broadway now that it’s open.”  As to who could play her (it should be noted that she approved of the casting of Megan Hilty in the stage version of 9 to 5), she thinks it’ll take more than one person to fill her ample…shoes.  And she’s taking some inspiration from The Cher Show – maybe she’ll have a “little Dolly”, an “earlier years Dolly” and an “older Dolly”.  She’s also open to discovering new talent.  “They may never have been on stage before, or maybe in some local theater somewhere.  But we’re going to look for them and that’s going to be part of the fun, I think.”

Speaking of country legends, I’m sure you all saw Reba McEntire sing the National Anthem at the Super Bowl – and how clever of her to avoid high notes and sing it in Barry White’s key!  But that’s just the beginning.  She’s planning a return to sitcom life and has interest from NBC (where she already appears on The Voice).  The show, still in development, will find Reba inheriting her father’s restaurant, which she’ll co-own with the half sister she never knew she had (I can almost hear Melissa Peterman warming up now).  To make Reba feel even more comfortable, it will be executive produced by Kevin Abbott, Michael Hanel and Mindy Schultheis – who were all executive producers on The CW’s Reba series.  You throw in the fantastic Christopher Case (also an executive producer on the show), and you might have a winning combination.  NBC has ordered a pilot – the first official pilot order for next season.

Madonna Reunites with Ripa

In the nick of time, we have an Ask Billy question from Patrick in Chicago: “What happened with that reunion Madonna was supposed to have with [former backup singers] Niki and Donna?”

Oh, it’s a sad, sad story.  Everything I’m going to say at this point should be put under a huge “allegedly” umbrella.  What I hear is that someone close to the ladies (allegedly, closer to Donna) reached out to Madonna to say the girls would love to go to the Madison Square Garden show on January 29th.  Why that show?  Because the duo, who perform as Niki + Donna, would have just wrapped up their weekend gigs at The Green Room 42, just down the street from MSG!  We’re told that Madonna happily set up tix for her former colleagues in the front row.  Fans were excited that there might be some onstage reunion.  However, not only was there no reunion, there was not even an acknowledgement from the stage.  We hear the gals didn’t even get invited to the post-show party.  Why?  Well, after the tix to the concert were arranged, someone allegedly showed Madonna videos of the duo performing some of her songs…and, let’s just say she was not happy.  So, while there had been an idea brewing of a reunion onstage to judge the “Vogue” dance-off, Madonna instead invited up her pal Kelly Ripa.  Oh, the humanity!

A&F Boys Speak Out

I heard that the UK docuseries Panorama recently did an episode called The Abercrombie Guys: The Dark Side of Cool.  I sat down with my popcorn, ready to watch, when all of a sudden I said, “That’s David!”  Yes, on the screen as one of the primary talking heads was David Bradberry, who had a litany of stories to tell.  But, full disclosure – because I’m sure someone will find photos of us on the Internet – yes, I was close-ish with David shortly after the events he talks about in this doc.  Many of you probably remember him from Below Deck.  Getting back to the doc, it’s primarily about Mike Jeffries, former CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch and possible victim of some sort of palsy.  What this cyclops-esque guy seemed to want more than anything was to look like an A&F boy.  What’s the next best thing?  Surrounding yourself with A&F boys in various forms of undress.  Say what you will about Jeffries, he did transform a stodgy company into the “it” brand for a decade or so.  Once his peccadilloes became public, he was pushed out and the brand became more diverse and approachable – to the point that nobody slows down by an A&F store anymore, let alone goes in.  The other model interviewed is the lovely Barrett Pall – who I don’t completely believe or trust.  Each of the guys interviewed were clear that while they felt they had to “perform”, they were never forced to do anything.  And they were always paid for their “services” – and all had some sort of background in payment for sex on some level.  To the best of my knowledge, none of them ever ended up working for A&F formally.  But some of them did get flown to parties around the world.  And got shaved…but that’s another story.

Shannen and Alyssa Drama

If you’re not listening to Shannen Doherty’s podcast Let’s Be Clear, you’re really missing out.  So far, she’s chatted with Jason Priestley, her cancer doctor (and Liza’s bff) Lawrence Piro, and Charmed co-star Holly Marie Combs – who chatted about why Shannen got fired.  They reveal that Alyssa Milano made formal complaints claiming that Doherty created a “hostile workplace environment”.  Alyssa allegedly gave the network an ultimatum – “it’s her or it’s me”.  In response, Milano firmly stated, “I did not have the power to get anyone fired”.  She added, “I’m the most sad that a show that has meant so much to so many people has been tarnished by a toxicity that is still to this day, almost a quarter of a century later, still happening.  And I’m sad that people can’t move past it.”  Easy to say when you weren’t the one fired!

Getting back to Shannen’s podcast, one of her guests was pal Chris Cortazzo, realtor to the stars.  They spent time talking about Doherty’s funeral – as one does.  Shan said she wants it to be a party – and would like it to take place in her house.  As to the guest list, she was pretty clear.  “There’s a lot of people that I think would show up that I don’t want there.  I don’t want them there because their reasons for showing up aren’t necessarily the best reasons.  Like, they don’t really like me and, you know, they have their reasons, and good for them.  But they don’t actually really like me enough to show up at my funeral.  But they will, because it’s the politically correct thing to do and they don’t want to look bad.  So I kinda want to take the pressure off them and I want my funeral to be like a love fest.  I don’t want people to be crying or people to privately be like, ‘Thank God that bitch is dead now.’”

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Which leads us back to Alyssa Milano.  Her latest scandal seems to be one of her own making.  It started with her 12-year-old son’s basketball team’s GoFundMe page, which was raising money for a trip to Cooperstown, NY.  Being a good mom, Alyssa shared the campaign on Twitter (now known as X, but I really hate typing that).  “Any amount would be so greatly appreciated.  You can read more about the team and make a donation.”  Well, people got angry.  One person wrote, “Imagine being so out of touch that you ask your followers to contribute money to your child’s trip when you have a net worth of 10 million dollars.  That is gross.  Pay for it your own damn self.”  I was totally on Alyssa’s side – why should she pay for all these kids?  Teach them that they have to raise it themselves.  Then I discovered that Alyssa actually started the GoFundMe campaign – under her married name Alyssa Bugliari!  I don’t know what disappoints me more – that she did this, or wasn’t clever enough to cover her tracks?  Have we learned nothing from Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman?

Death, Murder and Mayhem

I don’t know what caught my eye first.  The headline, “Queer Couple Found Guilty of Horrific Murder of Gay Couple’s Son” or the photo of the unphotogenic assailants.  This crazy crime took place in San Francisco – surprising those of you who think these things only happen in Florida.  Gerald Rowe and his trans partner, Angel Anderson, met up with 23-year-old George Randall-Saldivar and had a sexual encounter with him in the Donnelly Hotel – an establishment primarily populated with low-income and homeless people.  Amazingly, surveillance video from the apartment captured all of the gruesome details.  After the sex, the couple attacked George with a machete – which I don’t believe you can buy with food stamps!  Randall-Saldivar was placed in a noose and tethered from a pulley hanging from the ceiling – think of Dabney Coleman in 9 to 5.  I won’t get into the rest of the details – which included pliers, a plastic bag, some fentanyl, a suitcase, and a guitar.

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Yet another passenger died on the latest Atlantis cruise.  Initially details were slim.  All Atlantis would say was that there was a death and it was “unexpected and not suspicious”.  We now know that person was Jonathan Mindrum from Chicago.  Whispers on the ship claim he died after taking some fentanyl-laced Ecstasy that he bought on board.  His father called Jonathan a “brilliant person as a professional consultant and thinker”.  Enough said.

Absolutely Masked Singer

 

Meanwhile across the pond, the fabulous Jennifer Saunders was filling in as guest judge on the UK version of The Masked Singer.  After a stirring rendition of “Le Freak” by Chic, the panel had to guess the identity of the singer, called Bubble Tea.  Guesses ranged from Miriam Margolyes, to UK presenter Fearne Cotton and even Jane Horrocks, who played Bubble on Absolutely Fabulous.  Saunders thought it might be Geri Halliwell – that’s Ginger Spice to you.  Once the mask was removed, Bubble Tea was revealed to be Julia Sawalha – Saffron from AbFab.  “Oh my God,” exclaimed Saunders.  “Mummy!” said Sawalha.  “Darling, what are you doing?” ask Jen.  “I have no idea!” said Julia – who, it should be noted, sang in the AbFab film.  Saunders added, “You got yourself in a mess…but you were very good.”  You can check it out on BillyMasters.com.

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Could it be that oft-rumored-about guy really REALLY wants that Oscar?  He wants it bad…so bad that he’s rekindled something that was never kindled to begin with.  He’s tired of always being a bridesmaid and never a bride (although he briefly had one).  That’s what happens when you’re constantly being teased by your mother.

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When someone’s ambitions are limitless, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  This was a long one.  If there’s one thing we will remind everyone, it’s that not everyone wins the gold – some have to suffice with the silver.  And, for Pete’s sake, don’t try and convince us of anything with a professional beard.  Before picking a mate, check out www.BillyMasters.com, the site that can tell the difference.  We didn’t have room for an Ask Billy question.  But if you have one, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you – even if you use an alias!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Happy Birthday, Mayor Pete

This week, two unlikely people showed off their vocal talents.  The first instance happened on January 19th.  The scene was the US Conference of Mayors Winter Meeting at the White House – which we all somehow missed.  Someone in attendance was Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg, who will forever be known as Mayor Pete.  Not a bad way to be remembered, until one considers being a former mayor with a national platform didn’t work out so well for Rudy Giuliani!  Be that as it may, President Biden noted the former mayor’s presence when addressing the crowd.  Someone obviously told him that it was Buttigieg’s birthday (and while it may not look difficult, try and say “Buttigieg’s birthday” three times fast).  “Pete turned 30 today,” said Biden – obviously using hyperbole in accentuating Pete’s youthful appearance.  “My wife, she has a tradition in her family – and on everybody’s birthday, you’ve got to sing ‘Happy Birthday’.”  What a curious tradition.  And, how strange that my family does the same thing as Dr. Jill’s.  It’s almost eerie.  “So,” continued Joe, “stand up and let’s sing ‘Happy Birthday’.”  And then the president led a somewhat tuneless sing-along.  Happy Birthday, Mayor Pete!

Truth about Bobby Berk

At long last, Bobby Berk has revealed why he left Queer Eye.  According to the designer, the entire cast initially signed for seven seasons.  They did an eighth by shooting back-to-back seasons in New Orleans.  “We thought we were done.  Mentally and emotionally, I thought we all moved on.  I know I did, and I started planning other things,” he told Vanity Fair.  Then Netflix renewed the show and offered all five contracts for four more seasons.  Since Berk was sure the other guys weren’t gonna sign, he felt comfortable saying no.  “And with only one of us not coming back, Netflix felt they could recast one person.”  Let that be a lesson to all of you – communicate!

Mattress, Wine & Roses

The opening quote for this week’s column could have been the following quip by composer Mary Rodgers, when discussing how to cast the lead in her musical Once Upon a Mattress:  “You need a real clown with a great voice, someone with a huge personality but immediately likeable, and there aren’t many performers like that…as we unfortunately found out in the 1996 revival, when Sarah Jessica Parker got one of those four things right.”  While you try to determine SJP’s sole attribute, let me tell you about Sutton Foster, who is leading Encore!’s production at New York’s City Center.  I’d say Sutton is a good solid 3.0 on the Mary Rodgers scale.  She has a great voice and is immensely likeable.  She’s not a natural clown or in possession of a huge personality – but she is game to do virtually anything, so I gave her half a point for each.  It’s a curious thing – while watching her terrific performance, I couldn’t help but think there is a role-tailor made for her talents – Annie Get Your Gun.  Someone get on that!

Back to Mattress – this is as good a cast and production as one will ever see (to say nothing of the luxury of hearing a full orchestra).  There is a bit of questionable direction which I found distracting.  When Carol Burnett belted out the word “Shy”, the onlookers leaned back and covered their ears at the force of sound.  Sutton is not a belter, and her “Shy” sounds no different than the rest of her impressive instrument.  So having the same response that Burnett got was not only lazy direction, but nonsensical.  That out of the way, the cast is superb from top to bottom.  Prince Dauntless was played by Broadway MVP, Michael Urie (whose costume, while fetching, was all but drab).  His mother, Queen Aggravain, is assumed by the divine Harriet Harris at her most imperious – she all but steals the show whenever she’s onstage.  The second couple, played by the dreamy Nikki Renée Daniels and a charismatic Cheyenne Jackson (wearing spurs), delivered everything one could want – gorgeous vocals, touching acting…and they ain’t bad to look at.  Let me make special note of the wigs for Urie and Jackson.  J. Jared Janas (who presumably designed them) should get the Nobel Prize.  The show runs through February 4th.

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I also saw the new musical Days of Wine and Roses by Adam Guettel (Mary Rodgers’ son) and Craig Lucas – the same team that brought us The Light in the Piazza.  Truth be told, I am not a fan of lengthy expositions.  I like just getting into the story.  However, a bit more exposition would have been nice in this case.  Within a few short minutes, a girl who didn’t particularly like her male coworker or alcohol, is convinced to go out with him and have a drink.  Shortly thereafter, they sample about a dozen different cocktails – including margaritas out of metal cups with way too much salt.  And then they’re married with a child.  That’s a whole lotta ground to cover in a short amount of time.  At that point, the show settles into a beautiful, if episodic, piece about these people’s descent into alcoholism.  I can’t blame the show for wanting us to get to the heart of the relationship between Bryan d’Arcy James and Kelli O’Hara – two of the most talented performers around.  What we find in this show is that they’re more than great singers – they’re fantastic actors.  While each has standout vocal moments, the score takes a backseat to the drama.  This is ultimately a play with music rather than an outright musical.  That isn’t a bad thing – it’s a heartbreaking play that is beautifully performed.  It’s at Studio 54 for a limited 16-week run.

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Returning briefly to Sarah Jessica Parker, she made a stir last week during a performance of Neil Simon’s Plaza Suite – in which she appears alongside hubby Matthew Broderick in London’s West End.  Fans have not been able to control themselves from taking photos or videos.  In mid-sentence, SJP looked out at the audience, pointed at someone in the orchestra section, and said, “Please put your camera down.”  She then paused – surely for dramatic effect – and then continued what she was talking about.  At least she didn’t go all Patti LuPone on the person!

By the by, Sex and the City is headed to Netflix.  All six seasons are poised to land on the streamer starting in April.  I don’t believe this will affect their deal with E!, where we get heavily sanitized episodes regularly.

Sweatin’ with Shore

Our Ask Billy question asks for an update of a story.  Harry in Providence says, “I remember you saying Pauly Shore wanted to make a movie about Richard Simmons.  I just saw a trailer for it.  How did he get it done so fast?”

You actually didn’t see a trailer for “it”.  The sometime comedian allegedly had a deal with The Wolper Organization to do a feature-length biopic about the exercise guru.  Then things took a strange turn.  “We got another random email from this director named Jake Lewis who did the Robin Williams short and he said he wants to do a Richard Simmons short, not knowing that I had a deal with this production company already.”  Shore read the script and loved it.  A deal was made and it was shot quickly.  And then, a wrinkle – Simmons came out of seclusion to make a statement: “Hi Everybody!  You may have heard they may be doing a movie about me with Pauly Shore.  I have never given my permission for this movie.  So don’t believe everything you read.  I no longer have a manager, and I no longer have a publicist.  I just try to live a quiet life and be peaceful.  Thank you for all your love and support.”  Whatever you may think about Pauly’s acting ability, I think we can all agree on one thing – someone better get that awful wig back to whatever tour of Annie they stole it from!  The Court Jester premiered last week in Park City during the Sundance Film Festival and depicts Simmons’ 2004 appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show (and wait till you see their Ellen).  You can watch it on BillyMasters.com.

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When there are battling Richard Simmons projects – both starring Pauly Shore – it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  As we went to press, we heard of the sudden passing of Olympic pole vaulter Shawn Barber.  The openly gay athlete was 29 and suffered what has been called “medical complications”.  There’s nothing particularly complicated about www.BillyMasters.com, the site that surely doesn’t need Richard Simmons’ permission (but we do know he’s a fan).  If you have a question, send it along to me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Dame Joan Collins is hired to revive those “Where’s the beef?” commercials for Wendy’s!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Booster Buck Naked

Joel Kim Booster was at the Emmys because Fire Island was up for two awards (Outstanding Television Movie and Outstanding Writing).  And he was able to share some news – his next film, Again Again Again, will be produced by Searchlight Pictures, the same people who backed Fire Island.  One person on the red carpet asked if there was anything “too rowdy or naughty to make it into the film”.  His answer surprised some people.  “Fans will be outraged to find out that sex scenes between myself and Zane Phillips had to be cut for time…and other reasons.  But, yeah, they missed a shot of my ass.  You know?  Justice for my ass.”

While we haven’t come across that Fire Island footage, we have seen Joel’s ass.  In his comedy special Psychosexual, Booster revealed that he had taken several nude shots which have found their way online.  “Obviously I was angry.  I felt violated.  But then I found out they were put on a website for male celebrity nudes.  And I was like, ‘They can stay.’”  And, obviously you can find them on BillyMasters.com.  You’re welcome, Joel!

And Just Like That…Fired

Elsewhere on HBO…er, Max…we have some news about And Just Like That….  It’ll be a while till we see season three.  With Sarah Jessica Parker and hubby Matthew Broderick appearing in the West End production of Plaza Suite, she’s not available for winter filming.  Between her stage gig and the delay caused by two strikes, the network is saying we won’t get any new episodes until the 2024-25 season.  When the show returns, we won’t see a familiar face.  Although Che has been a main character since the series debuted, we hear they will not be back.  Sara Ramirez claims that this is due to being a vocal supporter of Palestine.  However, I have yet to run into a single person who has had a positive opinion about the character.  One industry insider said, “Sara needs to accept that this is not Grey’s Anatomy, and her character was not a pivotal part of the storyline.”  Someone else added, “Sara was fired because Che brought nothing to the show anymore.”  I take issue with the word “anymore”.

RuPaul, Reunions & Royalty

“And, listen, if a drag queen wants to read you a story at a library,
listen to her because knowledge is power. 
And if someone tries to restrict your access to power,
they are trying to scare you.  So listen to a drag queen!” 

RuPaul’s acceptance speech for Outstanding Reality Competition Show for RuPaul’s Drag Race
This was the show’s fifth consecutive win in this category, and RuPaul has won
Outstanding Host for a Reality or Competition Program eight consecutive times.

The awards season got even more cluttered than usual with the 75th Emmy Awards.  What a marvelous ceremony it was.  Admittedly, it would not take much to look good days after such a lackluster Golden Globes.  It’s a curious thing – when the show goes badly, everyone blames the host; when the show goes well, everyone gets credit except the host.  As far as I was concerned, Anthony Anderson kept things moving and stayed out of the way.  With the show all-but-stolen by his mother, someone should have thought about bringing out Anthony’s TV mama, Jenifer Lewis.  Still, I’m sorry I skipped going.  Alas, most people skipped tuning in altogether.  The 2022 Emmys had been the lowest-rated ceremony in history…until now.  This show was 27% below that.  Ouch!

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The most pleasant surprise of the night was the appearance of Dame Joan Collins, who showed everyone how it’s done.  I must confess, I braced myself for a Gladiator moment.  But if this turns out to be the last major public appearance by the 90-year-old Collins, she went out on a grand scale.  She looked great and entered to a standing ovation.  But I’d bet dimes to donuts she has no idea what Beef is.  I’m just glad she didn’t exclaim La La Land!

Who decided David Furnish should be seated in the back of the auditorium?  Even I’ve had better seats at the Emmys!  Of course, he’s now sleeping with an EGOT.  We also learned that more people have apparently seen a ghost than know a transgender person.  But how many of them have seen a transgender ghost?

I really enjoyed the reunions, but got many e-mails from people wondering where the people missing from Cheers were.  I can tell you that Woody Harrelson is doing a play in London.  And I believe Shelley Long couldn’t find anyone to take her shift at Target!  But, fear not – Long could have an acting gig on the horizon.  On the red carpet, Kelsey Grammer said that he could see Shelley guest starring on an episode of the Frasier reboot.

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Once again, the speech of the night came courtesy of Jennifer Coolidge, who went out of her way to thank “all the evil gays”.  On behalf of my people – you’re welcome!  I dunno what’s more tragic – that Tanya met her demise on The White Lotus, or that we’ll be without Coolidge in future awards seasons.  Someone better write her a juicy role – stat!  At least she has a film to look forward to.  It was just announced that Jennifer will join Jason Momoa in Minecraft…presumably as his love interest.

Posa & Sikes Steal the Show

I am currently down at the sumptuous Filth2Go Beach House in Fort Lauderdale.  In addition to frolicking in sand and sun, I’m also spending some time with friends.  Maybe a better term would be peers.  Except Joe Posa’s impersonation of Joan Rivers is peerless.  His Tributes show played the Sunshine Cathedral in Fort Lauderdale, and he was more than ably assisted by the song stylings of Seth Sikes.  The show is anchored by Posa’s loving portrayal of Rivers, which features some of Auntie Joan’s tried and true material alongside Joe’s original jokes – many of which were up to the legend’s exacting standards.  Sikes, a devotee of legendary ladies, sweetly sings some solos, and then is joined for duets by Posa as Barbra and Liza, in a masterful bit of audio wizardry.  I’m a harsh critic, so it is no petty praise for me to say I enjoyed myself.  Posa has constructed a show that is as fantastic as his famous females, and kept the audience thoroughly entertained.  Brava.

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Scott Thompson, who many of you will remember from Kids in the Hall, has embarked on a new tour, courtesy of the City Winery venues.  This show, King, focuses on one character – gay lounge lizard, Buddy Cole.  The evening promises to include “hilarious and sometimes incendiary monologues never before seen on television and a series of brand new monologues written for the recent revival that were deemed too hot for Amazon.”  Well, that’s what the press release says.

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The West End recently hosted a revival of Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Sunset Boulevard.  This stripped-down production starred the much-lauded Norma Desmond of Nicole Scherzinger.  Everything about this show – from the production to the casting – seems odd to me.  And yet, everyone says it’s brilliant.  I’ll be able to find out for myself since Scherzy will be making her Broadway debut when the show transfers to New York.  Details to follow.

By the by, the lovely Jonathan Bennett is poised to make his Broadway debut on January 23rd when he replaces Michael Urie in Spamalot.  Urie is leaving to do a brief run of Once Upon a Mattress with Sutton Foster and will then begin filming a television project.  Bennett is committed to staying with the production until April 23rd.

A film version of the musical Mean Girls just hit cinemas.  That film is based on the 2017 stage musical, which was obviously based on the original 2004 film – both of which were penned by Tina Fey, who starred in both.  I only mention this because that’s where we first saw Jonathan Bennett – in the original film, not the musical (on stage or on film).

The Truth About Liza

And this leads beautifully into our Ask Billy question.  Roger in Santa Barbara writes, “How is Liza Minnelli really doing?  Because I keep seeing these troublesome videos and it looks like various gay guys are dragging her around.”

“She has lots of gay friends”.  Didn’t we just say that about Bure?  Well, who has more gay friends than Liza Minnelli?  For Christ’s sake, husbands alone!  From what I understand, Liza spends most of her time with Michael Feinstein and his husband Terrence Flannery, who is on the payroll as Liza’s assistant.  The third person in their little cabal is Dr. Lawrence Piro – who recently popped up on Shannen Doherty’s fantastic podcast, Let’s Be Clear.  Piro is an oncologist who tended to Farrah Fawcett during her final years.  Odd, n’est çe pas?  He seems to be with Liza quite a bit – whether that is in a professional or personal capacity is unclear.  But many of Liza’s former inner-circle gays tell me that they have basically been cut out of the loop and that Minnelli is somewhat isolated from her friends.  Which brings up my question – where is Lorna?  Where is Joey?  They are certainly not in any of the recent videos you can see on BillyMasters.com.

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When we’re running videos of the real and fake Liza, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Frankly, I think Joe Posa looks so much like Minnelli, Feinstein and Flannery might start sniffing around him!  Thank God for www.BillyMasters.com, the site that passes the sniff test (you’ll have to take my word on that).  If you have a question or concern, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Luke Macfarlane co-stars in a romcom with Kirk Cameron!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

 

Cher Doesn’t Want To Share

We’ve previously reported that Cher was attempting to gain conservatorship over her son Elijah Blue Allman’s money.  This begs the question, “What money?”  Turns out, Elijah Blue has a trust which was left to him from his late father, Gregg Allman, who was briefly a Mr. Cher.  Elijah is struggling with addiction, and the struggle is real enough for Cher to have allegedly had Elijah abducted and placed in a facility.  She feels that this conservatorship is a “life-and-death proposition”.  Judge Jessica Uzcategui said, “I am not persuaded” – even in light of some confidential documents Cher’s lawyers presented to support the motion.  It probably didn’t help that Elijah made the following statement: “While I understand that my mother, the proposed conservator, believes she is looking out for my best interests and I appreciate her love and support, I do not need her unsolicited help or support at this time.”  I believe similar statements have been made by every single addict.

 

Networks Nobody Watches

“As you all know, Mel is a famous EGOT. 
And, after tonight, he’ll be the even rarer EGOOT!” 

Nathan Lane presents Mel Brooks with an Honorary Oscar at the 14th Governors Awards.

I can’t say it enough times – truth is stranger than fiction.  Every once in a while, a headline catches my eye: “Mexican Teen Carries Decapitated Sister’s Head Down the Street”.  This took place in Quiroga, which, admittedly, is not one of Mexico’s more popular destinations.  Still, I was sure this was a made-up story – like half the cases on Caso Cerrado.  But I did my due diligence and was shocked to discover that it did, in fact, happen.  19-year-old Sebastián was arrested when witnesses saw him carrying his sister Julieta’s decapitated head “in broad daylight” – as if moonlight would have made it all better!  Obviously he was arrested, and the police stated he appeared to be intoxicated.  I have so many questions, including why he was carrying a rifle.  A machete, yes.  But a rifle?  On the other hand, nobody has said anything about his sister’s torso.

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Many people complained to me about the Golden Globes.  They didn’t have an issue with Jo Koy or the ceremony itself.  They just cannot comprehend why network shows no longer get nominated.  Not only did many people never hear of the shows, they hadn’t heard of most of the networks.  I have news for them – it’s only going to get worse.  This week, Don Lemon announced his return to the “airwaves”…and I use that term loosely.  The Don Lemon Show will appear on X, formerly known as Twitter.  I remember scoffing when people were doing shows on Amazon.  At this rate, people will be nominated for shows that can only be seen in cabs (and don’t ask, “What’s a cab?”).

Someone who used to have a show – and perhaps still does, but nobody knows where you can see it – is Judge JudyJudith Sheindlin has used her somewhat diminished platform to endorse Nikki Haley.  “I’m proud to endorse Nikki Haley because she is whip smart, has executive credentials and was a superb governor.  I truly think she can restore America and believe she is the future of this great nation.”

 

Taylor Swift’s Secret

A curious opinion piece appeared in The New York Times last week, querying whether Taylor Swift is in fact a lesbian.  I cannot think of a bigger waste of my time than pondering this idea – although telling you about it seems totally fine.  Since the straight men Swift has slept with haven’t gotten off so easily, I can’t imagine lesbians want anything to do with her.  The point of the piece is that because Swift is so saintly and omnipresent, she’s fair game.  Someone in her camp took exception to this, and said (anonymously, naturally), “This article wouldn’t have been allowed to be written about Shawn Mendes or any male artist whose sexuality has been questioned by fans.”  Well, isn’t that nice.  In protesting Swift’s right to privacy, someone dragged in poor Shawn Mendes – who is hanging on by a thread.  This broken shell of a 25-year-old boy spends his day depressed, listless, doing crunches, and suddenly he reads this.  Hasn’t he suffered enough?  As for Taylor, she once said this about the LGBT-whatever community: “I didn’t realize until recently that I could advocate for a community that I’m not a part of.”  Really?  I’m not a straight white male, but I have no problem saying, “Leave Shawn alone.”  Then again, I’m no Taylor Swift.

Breaking Bway Barriers

A friend of mine tells a story about a dinner theatre in Fresno where they had a production of Evita – presumably with dinner.  There was a rotating cast, and one person stood out.  Eventually people would buy tickets to see the “Black Evita” – who happened to be a 16-year-old Audra McDonald.  It was somewhat unusual to have an Evita of Color in the mid-‘80s.  But Broadway may get to see Audra break another color barrier.  Rumors are flying about that McDonald will turn up in a revival of Gypsy next season (it should be noted that Audra reportedly played a minor role in Gypsy as a kid – also in Fresno).  While everyone always talks about how often Gypsy is revived, it should be noted that the last Broadway production took place in 2008 – helmed by Patti LuPone.  That said, I saw another revival slightly more recently – and starring a Mama Rose of ColorLeslie Uggams led Gypsy at the Connecticut Repertory Theatre in Hartford back in 2014.  What I found more jarring was that Uggams was 71 years old at the time.

Legal Woes

 

Legal problems aren’t restricted to famous folk.  Remember Kim Davis?  She gained infamy as the county clerk who refused to issue same-sex marriage licenses to couples in Kentucky way back in 2015.  Obviously, same-sex marriage has continued since then.  So has the legal case of the couple Davis refused, who sued for discrimination.  The case wound its way through the various courts and, of course, the couple won $100K in damages.  But due to the length of this trial, the associated fees have been what one might call excessive – and the “one” would be lawyers for Miss Davis.  However, the judge disagreed and ruled that Davis must pay an additional $260,104 in legal fees!  Incredibly, Davis is appealing the decision.  Put it on her tab.

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Then there’s the case of Vanessa Joy, who is running for a seat in the Ohio House (presumably of Representatives).  Joy, who is a transgender Democrat, was removed from the ballot because she did not include her previous name.  According to Ohio law, any candidate running for office has to include any name changes in the last 5 years – and this includes her so-called “deadname”.  While many people are claiming this is a seldom-invoked law, it is nonetheless a law which has been on the books since 1995.  It should also be noted that Michigan has a similar law.

Then there’s Kimberly Dragoo, who is running for the School Board in Saint Joseph, Missouri.  You may know her as one of the January 6th insurrectionists.  And not just any insurrectionist.  Her husband (also an insurrectionist) took a photo of Kimberly entering the U.S. Capitol building through a broken window.  And let me stop here to say I have begrudging admiration for anyone who has the balls to not only do something illegal, but post a selfie doing the act.  I’m not sure if it’s hubris or stupidity – it’s a fine line.  Kimberly plead guilty to the crime and is awaiting sentencing.  In the meantime, she’s running to be on the School Board!  Apparently in Missouri, one is allowed to run for office if found guilty of a misdemeanor – just not a felony.  And thank God she didn’t change her name.

New Year, Old News

“Call me anytime.” 
Chris Christie, when he gave Joy Behar his phone number backstage at The View
I know politics makes strange bedfellows, but this is ridiculous.

We’re a week into the New Year and many of you have asked if I have any resolutions.  Longtime readers know I’m not really into resolutions.  I resolve every day to live my life to the fullest.  However, maybe my life has been a bit too full.  Yes, I’m thinking my resolution should be to have less sex.  Much less sex.  Nothing against sex, which I enjoy…and am very good at.  But sometimes you do it because.  Like, I don’t think Venus and Serena play tennis with just anyone holding their racket…so to speak.  Perhaps moving forward, I’ll be a bit more selective.

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As 2023 drew to a close, I found myself in a courtroom.  Yes, I got jury duty.  I know this will sound amazing, but the entire experience was quite positive.  It might have been the lack of traffic during my seven-minute drive to the courthouse.  It might have been because the court provided free parking.  Or it might have been that I picked up two Bacon Maple Chicken Sandwiches at Wendy’s on the way!  When I arrived, I found out I was the fifteen-hundredth person seen as a potential juror for a high-profile case!  As the judge laid out the details, I found myself glancing past the five-person dream team at the defense table and making eye contact with the accused.  Neither of us broke our gaze.  At first I mused if defendants get conjugal visits with jurors (this was before my resolution, obviously).  As it turned out, I didn’t get on this jury.  But I was willing to do public service!

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Didya know Tiffany Haddish was arrested by the BHPD over the holidays?  The day after Thanksgiving, officers found her sleeping in her car with the engine running.  She first commented on the DUI at the Los Angeles Laugh Factory during a stand-up benefit for people in need.  “You ain’t lived till you got arrested in Beverly Hills, OK?  It’s beautiful over there.  I’ve been in quite a few jails – just like the rest of y’all – I can tell some of y’all have been to jail.  I still smell jail.  If you’re gonna do something, I say get arrested over there ‘cause that jail is nice.  That jail was nice – it’s so clean!”  She even joked that she got her period in the slammer.  “I’m bleeding in the jail.  OK, cool, but they had the best maxi pads.  I’ve never seen pads so big.”  She said it was so big, she used it as a pillow.

Melton’s Meat

Our first Ask Billy question of the year comes from Randy in San Francisco: “I just saw May December.  Tell me that’s really all Charles Melton?  I’ve read conflicting reports online, but it sure looked real.”

I hate to be the bearer of bad news – especially so early in the New Year – but you’ve been hoodwinked.  If it’s any consolation, Charles is not trying to pull a fast one on anyone.  In fact, he’s rather forthcoming in admitting it wasn’t him.  “I had to wear that prosthetic for nine hours that day.  I didn’t have anything to drink that morning or the night before.  That was an annoying process but still very respectful.”  It’s amazing that brief scene required nine hours of shooting!  In the interest of being thorough, I will post the scene in question on BillyMasters.com.  

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When we’re ringing in the New Year with a fake phallus, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  The good thing about starting with something so anticlimactic is that things can only get better.  If you’re looking for the real thing, simply check out www.BillyMasters.com, the site that’ll never steer you wrong.  And if you’re looking for the truth, send your questions to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before we celebrate our silver anniversary.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Psycho Schneider

I’m often fascinated by people who say or do really ridiculous things…and then deny it.  That brings us to John Schneider – who, admittedly, looks good for someone decades past his prime.  That the Dukes of Hazzard star is a Trumpster didn’t surprise me – although I thought the Confederate flag on the General Lee was simply a prop.  He first emerged in the recent zeitgeist after losing The Masked Singer while dressed as a donut.  Again, a gig’s a gig.  He then allegedly responded to a Tweet from Joe Biden: “Mr. President, I believe you are guilty of treason and should be publicly hung.  Your son, too.  Your response is…?  Sincerely John Schneider”.  This Tweet has since been deleted – which means either Schneider is the target of a plot, or he’s a pussy.  I don’t see any other options.

The Secret Service opened a probe, saying “We look at all threats against our protectees and, due to intent, this falls under the definition of a threat.”  No surprise – ask Kathy Griffin, who, too, waded into these waters.  The difference is she also stood by her actions (she also just filed for divorce on the eve of her fourth wedding anniversary).  Not only has Schneider’s post been deleted, he’s denying it even existed.  “Despite headlines claiming otherwise, in my post, I absolutely did not call for an act of violence or threaten a U.S. president as many other celebrities have done in the past.  I suggest you re-read my actual post and pay attention to the words before believing this nonsense.”  Of course, it’s hard to re-read something that’s been deleted.  True, the phrase “publicly hung” is open to numerous interpretations.  Personally, I’m all for it – but I’m hardly a bastion of good taste.

Shannen Speaks Out

Another reunion took place as 2023 drew to a close.  Shannen Doherty started her podcast, Let’s Be Clear, and spent two hours talking to Holly Marie Combs about everything that went on with Charmed – and I mean EVERYTHING.  We’d all heard rumors that Alyssa Milano pushed Doherty out.  But when Holly threatened to walk with her, the producers said they would garnish her wages forever – even if she were bagging groceries in Arizona!  Shannen now regrets going along with the narrative that she left of her own accord (i.e. The View), and feels that she should have spoken up.  After all, she had a “pay-or-play” contract.  So since they pushed her to leave, they should have paid her.  She also regrets that she did not come back for the finale (they did ask).  When Shannen asked if there were any way to have an actual Charmed reunion or reboot, Holly said, “Yeah, I would do it, I would just hope that people would come to it with an understanding that some things are bigger than you, and some things are more important than personal feelings.  And that being said, there’s also split screen and green screen, and people don’t have to work with each other if they don’t want to – we can just make it look like you do!”

Holiday Traditions

Welcome to 2024.  It doesn’t often happen that this column drops on the actual first day of the year.  Since this is the 24th year of our wildly popular weekly column, I am feeling like we’re closing in on a landmark.  But that’s business of another day.  The topic at hand is ringing in the New Year.  Since I’m a traditionalist (unlike a Constitutionalist – which is a whole other thing), I spend the evening with some dear friends watching Lindsay Wagner movies.  A highlight was seeing Lindsay, in the course of a half hour, play six very different roles – one of whom was a stripper.  Talk about range!  Hey, a gig’s a gig, and a tradition’s a tradition.  Happy New Year!

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One of the most beloved holiday traditions of days gone by returned this year.  Way back in 1986, Darlene Love sang “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” on David Letterman’s show (starting on NBC’s Late Night with David Letterman).  For many, it wasn’t Christmas until Darlene appeared, and Letterman had her on for 28 consecutive years.  In 2015, he retired.  What would Darlene do?  One of Letterman’s producers (Brian Teta) took over the reigns of The View, and brought Darlene with him.  And that was all well and good, but it really wasn’t the same.  Another Letterman producer, Barbara Gaines, reunited Letterman and his sidekick, Paul Shaffer for an Internet episode last week, and the guest was Darlene.  After some chit-chat, Paul sidled on over to a piano (which had clearly seen better days), and Love launched into her biggest hit – joined by backup singers Milton Vann, Diamond White and Keesha Gumbs.  Sometimes you can go home again.  You can see this special on our website.

It should be noted that this was not Darlene’s first reunion with Paul Shaffer.  On April 7, 2020, Love was a guest on Billy Masters LIVE!, where we surprised her with Paul Shaffer and the great Marc Shaiman.  On that show, Shaffer surprised me with quite a compliment.  “Billy, you are a new find of mine.  I’m now your biggest fan!”

Rise and Fall of Gage

Prior to 2023, nobody knew Lukas Gage’s name.  All we knew was that he was a cute guy whose apartment was trashed by a director during a Zoom casting session.  Looking back, I wouldn’t be surprised if Lukas leaked that footage himself, and used the sympathy as a launching pad.  We next saw him bent over a desk getting rimmed – not that there’s anything wrong with that.  Then he was all over social media cavorting with hairdresser to the stars Chris Appleton (another name I’d never heard before).  Within days, they were dating and expressing their love for each other on television.  In the blink of an eye, they got married in a ceremony presided over by Kim Kardashian.  That it lasted a few months was the most shocking part of the story to moi.  Somehow in the midst of it, Gage got to make a movie that received a teensy bit of attention.  What will happen to him?  It depends on who he meets next.

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Let’s congratulate a few couples who found each other.  Comedian Matteo Lane tied the knot with his short-term beau, Rodrigo Aburto.  I hate to point out they knew each other for less time than Lukas and Chris, but at least they’re still together…for now.  Then there’s singer Ty Herndon, who also tied the knot.  “Never in a million years would I have imagined meeting someone who would bring so much love and light into my heart.”  This inevitably leads to talk about breakups.  Ricky Martin and Jwan Yosef divorced after six years.  So did Billy Porter and his hubby Adam Smith.  Straights have the seven-year itch; we have six.  I guess we gays just figure things out quicker!  On the other hand, Antoni Porowski didn’t even make it to the altar with Kevin Harrington.

 

Drag Triumphs Over Evil

Florida governor Ron DeSantis launched his “War on Drag” by enforcing a law from 1947 – which stated that men impersonating women is too indecent for children.  So he ruled that drag queens fell under “adult entertainment”, and if a minor were there, you could be fined…or worse.  People claim this started as a way to stop drag queens from reading stories to kids in libraries – and let that sink in.  It had unintended consequences.  Stage musicals like Hairspray, La Cage, and most of Shakespeare’s plays feature men dressed as women – and they could be shut down.  Drag queens in gay pride parades in public could be arrested.  Then the Orlando franchise of Hamburger Mary’s restaurant filed a suit against the governor and the State of Florida for infringing on their First Amendment rights.  And they WON!  U.S. District Judge Gregory Presnell ruled, “This statute is specifically designed to suppress the speech of drag queen performers.”  It doesn’t overturn the law, but it does make it unenforceable.

Around the same time, the phenomenal Jinkx Monsoon made Broadway history by playing Mama Morton in Chicago.  Jinkx was sure to let people know she didn’t do it alone.  “I’m following in the footsteps of my sister Peppermint, who broke ground as the first Ru girl, drag queen, trans woman to perform on Broadway in Head Over Heels.  And now I get to take the torch and do my own thing with it.”  Speaking of torches, flaming George Santos made history by being elected to the House of Representatives and being thrown out within the same calendar year.  Perhaps he’ll go back to doing drag…anywhere other than Florida, naturally.

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