This week’s Ask Billy question comes from Jeremy in Arizona.  “You mentioned the Cannes Film Festival recently.  I heard Rami Malek was a big hit playing someone with AIDS.  And there was also controversy.  What do you know about it?”

The film The Man I Love is about a performance artist in 1980s New York who gets HIV.  When offered the leading role, Malek expressed concern about playing another singer with AIDS since he had already won the Oscar for playing Freddie Mercury.  “When I read the script, I said, ‘I can’t do this, there’s too many similarities.  It could be problematic.’”  But that didn’t completely deter him.  “There was a certain sense of fear.  And I started to really think about what I was afraid of.  Was it the similarities?  Was it the singing?  Was it obviously what was going on in the period?  And the fear was, I knew I had to address the fear.”   While he’s been applauded for his portrayal, members of the gay community are not quite so thrilled.  Johnny Sibilly from Hacks posted this: “I’m sorry if this sounds bitchy but something will never sit right in my spirit about straight actors playing gay men dying of aids.”  Wilson Cruz saw this headline: “Rami Malek feared once again playing a gay singer with AIDS”.  He responded, “Some of us would have been HONORED to bring our history ALIVE, because it’s OURS.”

When I’m not sharing my two cents on a subject, it’s time for me to end yet another column.  I’ll only point out that sometimes it takes an Oscar winner to get a film made.  Now let’s get back to the important issue – what was that boom in Boston?  It was…a meteor!  According to reports, when a meteor passes through the atmosphere, it breaks up and creates a sonic boom.  Perhaps, but I still need Stevie to weigh in.  While waiting, I’ll be updating BillyMasters.com – the site that’s being written from inside a bad Ben Affleck movie (as if there’s any other kind).  If you have an opinion or a comment, send it to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Pintauro reunites with Milano!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

I suppose it was inevitable.  With the departure of Lea Michele, the Broadway revival of Chess is closing.  But we really can’t put all the blame on Michele – the lack of Tony love certainly didn’t help.  We can also blame the revised book, which certainly contributed to lots of people being unemployed.  Lea’s replacement, JoJo Levesque said this:  “Was supposed to start first day of rehearsals TODAY.  So bummed.  All my love to the company.”

Lots of you have asked about the West End run of Joy Behar’s play, My First Ex-Husband.  People tell me there’s no place to buy tickets.  In fact, nobody could even find the play listed anywhere in London.  So I did some digging.  On the Behind the Table podcast, Behar announced that she would be joined by Jackie Hoffman and “two other British actresses”.  Could she be more vague?  Then she got specific and said it would be playing at the Boulevard Theatre.  A perfect venue…except the play is not listed on their website.  Some people tell me this is not an actual commercial run but a closed series of performances for an invited audience.

Last week, I came across the following headline: “Derek Hough was jumped, hung upside down, then expelled.”  Which begged the question, what happened on the second date?  Actually, Hough went public about being tormented as a kid by bullies – one of whom actually held a gun to his head.  He says the taunting stemmed from being smaller than the other boys and being obsessed with dance.  That’ll do it.  After all, y’know, Utah!  That’s when his family moved him to London to live with Mark Ballas and his family.  The rest, as they say, is history.

Someone else who was small was little Danny Pintauro.  He was also picked on, but enough about the Who’s The Boss? set.  We recently told you how he’s scrambling to make ends meet.  Last week, he was interviewed on Entertainment Tonight when Kevin Frasier said this: “You never know who’s going to wander through Entertainment Tonight because it happens all the time.  We have people just pop through at any given moment, and you might know this beautiful lady,” and out popped Judith Light, exclaiming, “It’s your mom!”  Pintauro was visibly shocked.  The twosome gabbed for a bit, and then Light asked, “Life is good?  You’re OK?”  Danny said that’s what they were talking about.  “I’m working for Amazon Flex – that’s the big news story for me.”  Judith’s response?  She threw her hands up and said, “OK!”  You can watch the reunion on BillyMasters.com.

You know who got some renovations?  Rosie O’Donnell.  She just revealed she got a facelift.  The 64-year-old comedian says it wasn’t an easy decision.  “I used to feel very strongly about facelifts.  I thought it was a betrayal.  Of feminism.  Of aging.  Of our team of women worldwide.  It wasn’t wrinkles – it was gravity.  I’d look in the mirror and think – this isn’t aging.  This is melting with intention.”  Rosie’s youngest child Clay was against the procedure, pointing out that Rosie is a feminist role model.  That’s when Rosie decided to go forward.  “I want them to grow up in a world where they don’t feel like they have to change but also know they can, if they want to, without losing moral standing in their own life.”  Rosie was very clear with her doctor that she didn’t want anything drastic.  “I grabbed my doctor’s hand and said, ‘I will never say, ‘God, I wish you did more.’  And I meant it.”  In fact, she only looks well rested.  Apparently you pay for subtlety.  The procedure “cost more money than I have ever paid for a car.”  Yeah, but you can hide your car in the garage!

Even Pope Leo is getting some work done – by way of new vestments.  And you know who is making this new set of robes?  An openly gay man.  Filippo Sorcinelli spends 1,000 hours making each robe by hand.  They cost upward of $7,500 each – which I think by Vatican standards is a bargain.  Here’s the best part – counting Leo, Filippo has dressed three Popes…including that Nazi pope!  “I have never seen faith and sexuality as a battle, but as a creative tension that fuels my work.  My experience of the Church has always been one of welcome.  No one has ever stopped me at the threshold of a church.”  I’m sure it helps that vestments rarely have inseams.

“I’m a bit of a love addict.  I’m a bit of a codependent
and can have the impulse to want to jump in
fast and hard in these intense relationships.” 
– Lukas Gage.  Not surprising from someone who called
his memoir, I Wrote This For Attention!

This may be the last will and testament of Billy Masters.  I just sat down to share my usual scribbling with the fans when all of a sudden, a loud BOOM was heard in the air over Boston!  The house actually shook!  Was it lightning?  But lightning only happens when it’s raining.  Admittedly, I know better than to get a weather forecast from Stevie Nicks.  Was it an earthquake?  Were the extraterrestrials finally coming to wipe us all out?  Hopefully we’ll have an answer when – or if – we finish this column.

I’d hate to think the last thing I wrote was about the Great American State Fair that El Presidente has been planning.  Apparently some acts didn’t understand the event was “political in nature” – because when you’re booked for a state fair by the White House, maybe you expect a pie-eating contest!  Within hours, Morris Day and The Time, Martina McBride, The Commodores, and Young MC dropped out (P.S. If our president can sing a Young MC song for me, I’ll host the show for free).  Freedom Williams of C+C Music Factory told his agent, “No, I ain’t good to do that.  I don’t support Trump.”  Maybe Zelma will still attend.  But Bret Michaels sure ain’t – and he’s one of El’s biggest fans!  Adding insult to injury, Milli Vanilli dropped out.  You know it’s bad when Milli Vanilli was even on the roster (in this case, it was the real vocalists behind the group).  One act still on the bill is Vanilla Ice.  At least a member of the Vanilla family is being represented.  Trump says he might cancel the show portion and simply have a rally called “America is Back”.  Which begs the question – where exactly did we go?

Then U.S. District Judge Christopher Cooper ruled that the board of the Kennedy Center doesn’t have the right to rename the campus.  Only Congress can change the name.  Ouch!  “The Board clearly violated the Kennedy Center’s organic statute – and the terms of the trust – when it formally renamed the Center after President Trump and memorialized him on the face of the building.”  Not only that, but the board doesn’t have the authority to close the Center for two years of renovations.  Once again, Trump wasn’t happy and mused his options.  “We are going to be working with Congress to transfer this failing Institution back to them so they can make a determination as to what to do with it.”  If they’re looking to add names to the Center, Bouvier might work in a pinch.

This week’s Ask Billy question is also Broadway related.  Peter in New York writes, “I recently went to see Jeremy Jordan in Just In Time and was surprised to not see him show off his body in the ‘Splish Splash’ number.  He always looks so hot.  So what’s up with that?”

I know everybody thinks I have my finger on every actor’s anatomy – and I suppose that reputation is well founded.  So, naturally, I was able to find an answer.  First, some backstory.  When the character of Bobby Darin sings “Splish Splash” in the musical, he is in a bathtub.  Both Jonathan Groff and Matthew Morrison were featured in a tiny swimsuit and no shirt, which not only made some sense, but I’m sure was very much appreciated by the audience.  Jeremy Jordan asked to switch things up.  “Listen, I’m 41, I’m not as cut as I used to be, so I’m a little bit self-conscious about that, and I just didn’t want to add that element into it.  My pitch was like, instead of getting sexy and doing a thirst trap on stage in a bathtub, what if I just went comedy?  And so, we built one of those old-timey swimsuits.  It’s like a tank top into swim trunks.”  Normally, this is where I’d tell you to check it out on BillyMasters.com.  But, unlike Jeremy, I know my audience.  If you wanna see Matt Morrison or Jonathan Groff in their swimmers, you know where to look.

When Jeremy Jordan is self-conscious about his body, it’s time for me to end yet another column.  See?  Straight guys get it, too.  Well, time marches on.  And you know what I just realized?  Summer is right around the corner.  And I know that because last week Boston hit 95 degrees one day, and then plummeted to 45 the next.  Because in Boston, we no longer have spring.  Thank God for BillyMasters.com – the site that always keeps things steamy.  If you have a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Lady Bunny is booked to crochet in Montenegro!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

With Memorial Day in our rearview mirror, it’s time to look forward to the summer in Provincetown.  This week, we take a gander at what is coming to the venerable Post Office Café and Cabaret.  Of course, their crowd-pleasing Drag Brunch will keep you laughing and liquored up during the daylight hours.  As to the nighttime headliners, it wouldn’t be summer without the uproarious Judy Gold.  Miss Richfield 1981 joins the roster with a new show called You Can’t Have Ice Cream When You’re Dead!.  Paige Turner asks the musical question, Drag Me To The Movies.  The multi-talented Jamie Morris returns with four parody shows in repertory!  Nina West does her take on a Broadway phenomenon with Oh, Scary! (get it?).  The ever-popular Diva! and Illusions – Las Vegas Review shows return.  And so much more.  Check out full details on PostOfficeCafe.net.

A stalwart on the Pride circuit is Kylie Minogue.  In her recently released Netflix documentary, she revealed that she went through a second battle with cancer.  “My second cancer diagnosis was in early 2021.  I was able to keep that to myself…not like the first time.  Thankfully, I got through it.  Again.  And all is well.  Hey, who knows what’s around the corner.”  She also issued the following statement: “There will be someone out there who will benefit from a gentle reminder to do their checkups.  Early detection was very helpful and I am so grateful to be able to say that I am doing well today.”

Ricky Martin was kicking off the European leg of his tour in Montenegro last week when someone in the audience allegedly sprayed tear gas in the crowd.  Of course, such things probably happen frequently in Montenegro.  Martin was immediately whisked off of the stage and officials came in to assess the situation.  After being given the all-clear, management wanted to cancel the show.  Ricky refused and returned to the stage saying, “Nothing is going to stop this show.  Nothing!”  Plus, I’m sure plenty of people cry during a Ricky Martin concert.

The Cannes Film Festival wrapped last week, but not before the 32^nd annual amfAR Gala.  The event took place at the luxurious Hotel Du Cap-Eden-Roc and raised $20 million for the Foundation for AIDS Research.  Congrats!

Also raising money for the fight against AIDS are members of the original Broadway cast of Rent.  The upcoming 30^th anniversary will be celebrated with a one-night-only concert on October 26^th at the Richard Rodgers Theatre on Broadway.  The night will be directed by the show’s original director, Michael Greif, who said, “Jonathan [Larsen] wrote Rent in honor of the people he knew who were living and struggling with HIV and in honor of the many friends and contemporaries he lost to AIDS.  I know he’d be proud and honored to join forces with Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS to celebrate the 30^th anniversary of his milestone musical.”  Greif adds that the show will include “a bevy of special guests.”

Good News/Bad News.  The production of Evita starring Rachel Zegler in London’s West End is coming to Broadway next spring.  “But Billy,” I can hear you wondering, “is that the good news or the bad news?”  That depends on your opinion of Miss Zegler, who is one of those performers who polarizes people, not unlike another actress who has never received a Tony nomination.  What is undeniable is that this transfer will be lacking what has made it such a sensation in London – a balcony.  In London, she sings “Don’t Cry For Me Argentina” from the outdoor balcony of the Palladium, much to the delight of people out on the street (and, surely, much to the dismay of paying patrons, who get to watch it on a video screen).  Director Jamie Lloyd says, “I am really excited to explore a new idea, made especially for Broadway.”

Speaking of Tony snubs, the much-maligned musical of Beaches is skulking out of town after playing 38 shows (and 28 previews), most recently, to roughly half-full houses.  Some are blaming this premature shutter on the lack of Tonys.  Having not seen it, I’d think at least some of the blame should fall on the musical’s creators.

“He’s my life partner.  He’s my work partner. 
He’s my gay ex-husband.  He’s my best friend
and he’s always around.  But we try and make
sure that he’s not too much of a cockblock.” 
– Fran Drescher describes her relationship with her ex, the lovely and talented
Peter Marc Jacobson.  Given how much the gays love the fantastic
Fran, I’d be much more concerned that she could be cockblocking Petey!

Last week saw the final episodes of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert and Sherri.  But another show got yanked – right in our own backyard.  Hunters Nightclub in Fort Lauderdale had two shows scheduled of Naked Guy Crocheting.  You’d be forgiven for not hearing of this “franchise” (as it is termed).  You’d even be forgiven for thinking it might be hosted by Olympic diver Tom Daley, the most famous devotee of the art of crocheting either straight or gay, clothed or not.  The show in question is hosted by Peter Bisuito, who is described as a “local artist, comedian, and producer”.  Apparently he has done several of these shows in gay venues which raise money for dog rescue – and who could have an issue with that (with the possible exception of Kristi Noem).  But this particular installment of his show was going to feature someone who is no stranger to controversy – the legendary and iconic Lady Bunny (who would presumably be crocheting and hopefully not naked).

For those of you not in the know, Bunny is an outspoken critic of virtually everyone and everything.  I believe even I have been the target of her rapier wit – and who could have an issue with moi?  I seem to recall that during the last presidential election, she took issue with Kamala Harris…for not being liberal enough!  Well, we live in a free society, and I will defend everyone’s right to voice an opinion.  However, this current controversy is in Florida, and that’s far from a free society these days.  Apparently a member of the Broward County Jewish Federation took issue with Bunny’s criticism of Israel’s actions toward Palestine.  Personally, I wouldn’t wade into those waters even if I were Moses fleeing Pharaoh.  But Bunny did – and apparently that’s why she’s cancelled.  And since at least a handful of people could have come out to protest a giant drag queen and a gay man crocheting on stage, I can’t really blame Hunters for cancelling.  But here’s what I can say – either we’re for free speech or we’re not.

Speaking of cancellations, the Long Beach Pride Festival was called off only hours before it was supposed to begin.  The day before the festival, the City of Long Beach had lawyers send out a cease-and-desist letter claiming the organizers “failed to timely submit the required application materials and supporting documentation necessary for permit review.”  Aren’t permits reviewed more than hours before an event?  Like, months?  Anyway, this statement was hastily posted: “The Long Beach Pride Festival will not be able to take place this year as sufficient information to safely permit the event has not been made available by the event organizers.”  I’m not pointing fingers, but I hasten to add such hiccups didn’t happen the two years when yours truly hosted Long Beach Pride.

In yet another predictable Ask Billy question, several of you wrote in about this topic.  The first query came from Drew in New Jersey: “Did you see Paul Downs nude on Hacks?  WOW – where has he been hiding that bod?”

Where have you been?  It’s always been there in plain sight.  Paul W. Downs (he uses his middle initial) has always been adorable, and his chiseled features suggested that his torso would be similarly sculpted.  Sure enough, there it was – for everyone to see.  Gay porn star perfection, but surely not the body we expect on a heterosexual writer – even with his queer sensibility.  But, remember, he’s also an actor.  That always muddies the waters.  In fact, we’ve got shirtless pics going back 10 years.  We’ve even got his ass – then and now.  On BillyMasters.com.

Before wrapping up, I want to make special note of the passing of some pretty special people.  Somewhere after Louella and Hedda, but before me and Michael Musto, there was Rex Reed – a kinda more feminine Rona Barrett.  To many, Rex was a bitchy film critic.  But if they paid attention, he was a helluva writer, a wry raconteur, and an all-around pop culture icon.  Speaking of icons, Jason Collins was more than a history-making NBA star.  He opened doors for everyone to have a place in sports based on their talent and not who they slept with.  While we always need to look forward, we can’t ever forget those who blazed the trail for us.  They will be missed.

When a straight writer has a gay porn star body, it’s time for this gay writer to do some crunches and end yet another column.  As one of my proofreaders pointed out – Downs is not only a writer on Hacks, he’s also a creator and showrunner.  That only makes it more confusing.  While I try to unravel that, you can check out BillyMasters.com – the site that always finds a way to work in a reference to Sheena Easton…and Arlene Dahl!  If you have a question – like how to get a refund on your Pussycat Dolls ticket – drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Joan Collins gets that Oscar nomination.  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Then there’s that much-touted reunion of some of The Pussycat Dolls.  Due to sluggish ticket sales and very little buzz, the North American tour has been cancelled.  People in the industry expressed shock – not that the reunion was called off, but that it was announced in the first place.  “It was never a good idea because there was very little interest,” said one insider.  While the tour will still continue in the UK and Europe, where someone like Miss Sheena Easton can still pack a stadium (or at least a county fair), The Dolls will do one stateside date – the OutLoud Music Festival in West Hollywood.  Why?  We’re told they needed a place close to home to run the show…kinda like a dress rehearsal.  OutLoud paid a large lump sum for them to perform in their backyard.

Buyers of Liza Minnelli’s memoir are OUTRAGED!  They are shocked to learn that after paying upwards of $250 for an autographed copy of the book, it turns out Liza didn’t sign them at all.  It was the work of an autopen!  One autograph collector (who snagged a “signed” copy for $25) shrugged, saying, “When you see footage of Liza today in her own documentary, she is far too frail to have signed a handful of books, let alone hundreds!”  While people are outraged that she didn’t sign her book, very few seem to have a problem that she didn’t write it!

Have you been watching Boy Band Confidential on ID?  It’s Joey Fatone’s version of Dirty Pop: The Boy Band Scam which Netflix produced back in 2024.  It covers all the stuff that people like yours truly reported during Lou Pearlman’s heyday – except nobody believed me.  Joey’s not really breaking any new ground.  It’s mostly the same stories told by the same people.  What is shocking is how terrible most of the guys look.  Since many of them are my pals, I’m not going to name names.  But the makeup and lighting do nobody any favors – with the exception of Fatone, actually.  Should any of you be stepping in front of the camera, let me give you two tips.  Number one – double-digit body fat makes you look healthy (and smooths some of those skin issues).  Number two, for the love of God, don’t tan within 4 days of filming unless you want to look like you’ve just had an acid peel!

Margaret Cho made a revelation that proves nobody is immune to being out of work.  She’s concerned that due to her outspoken comments about the current administration, getting back into the country from being abroad could pose some problems.  I can allay those fears – Rosie O’Donnell has come and gone a handful of times without issue.  If she could do it, Cho should be fine.  Cho shared this story with Matteo Lane and Nick Smith on their podcast, “I Never Liked You”:  “Last year, I got a pilot script for a show that I really loved, but it shot in Canada, and I was so scared because I’m so vocal about hating ICE and hating this administration…I was like, I will get detained at the border and I will be put in ICE detention if I go, and I was struggling over it.  I had to talk to all these people about it and I was super upset, and I said ‘no’.”  And what was the project?  “It was Heated Rivalry”.  The role?  Shane Hollander’s mom!

I’d file this under Strange Bedfellows, although it’s really not all that strange.  More of an inevitability.  Lorenzo Lamas is raving about his current paramour – Heather Locklear.  The couple went public at the Chiller Theatre Expo in New Jersey – a far cry from Cannes or the Met Gala, but exactly right for this twosome.  They were both booked at the convention, and it wasn’t their first joint venture.  They actually met 43 years ago for a Playgirl cover shoot!  More recently, they were spotted together in Las Vegas on New Year’s Eve.  Lamas says, “She is the most amazing woman that I think I’ve ever met.”  High praise from the son of Arlene Dahl!

Here’s a pairing I didn’t see coming – Mario Lopez and Tony Danza.  They have teamed up for a project for Great American Family – you know, that network spearheaded by the oh-so-pious Candace Cameron Bure.  Christmas at The Starlight is about a multi-generational family, where the patriarch (Danza) wants to sell his beloved supper club and needs the help of his son (Lopez) and his grandson (played by Dominic Lopez, Mario’s son).  “Working with Tony Danza as my father in this story is incredibly special, and having Dominic play my son makes it even more personal,” says Mario, who is also an executive producer.

“May I say, well done in the Americas. 
You were superb, absolutely superb…
put that little ratbag in his place.” 
– Rod Stewart to King Charles. 
Is it wrong to be cheering on the Brits?

It brings me enormous pleasure that our first story is about cheering the efforts of the indomitable Dame Joan Collins.  Sure, she’s a legendary beauty, a capable actress, and a survivor.  But she’s also a savvy businesswoman.  Do you know how she got The Stud made?  She convinced sister Jackie to give her the rights, commissioned a script, and schlepped it all over the 1977 Cannes Film Festival talking to every fat-cat with a checkbook.  She finally convinced producer Brent Walker to take a chance, and the rest is history.

Joan has similarly shepherded her project about the Duchess of Windsor.  Her obsession with Wallis dates back to 1985, when she was photographed as the Duchess for Life magazine.  She visited the Windsors’ Paris home in the early 1990s when it was owned by Dodi Fayed.  She commissioned a script about Wallis in the early 2020s, and convinced theater producer John Gore to branch into films with it.  Now the film is done.  So it was off to Cannes… again.  Almost 50 years after clinching The Stud deal, Joan is trying to land a distributor for My Duchess.  In preparation, the 92-year-old Collins took dance lessons.  Why?  She wanted to be able to maneuver the endless red carpet with ease and elegance.  “I thought I want to just be able to get on the red carpet and not be a lump.”  She managed that – and then some.  Headlines singled her out in a scene-stealing sculptural white gown, long black opera gloves, and her hair elegantly pulled back.  The jewels?  Diamonds, naturally.  “I wore my own jewelry last night because I didn’t want a security guard following me around.”  Was a deal brokered?  Too soon to say.  As to the film, people whisper it’s Collins’ best work.  Photos from the set and the carpet are on BillyMasters.com.

Another Brit, another carpet, another continent.  Luke Evans turned heads at the Met Gala in his Tom of Finland nod to fashion.  Because, like Collins, he understood the assignment.  Before doffing his cap, he had to take some photos wearing it – shirtless, naturally.  “Had to try the hat on one last time a week since I wore it on the met gala stone carpet, before it went into the archives.  Loved it!!!”

The Boston Red Sox have announced they are sponsoring a Heated Rivalry Night.  The Sox have often featured Boston Bruins at games, so a baseball/hockey relationship is nothing new.  On August 31^st, Fenway Park will be filled with Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander Red Sox jerseys.  They’ll even sell a special baseball cap that says “I’m coming to the cottage Fenway”.  Red Sox VP David Baggs (who happens to be gay) said, “If the Heated Rivalry Night, Pride Night, or other themed nights that celebrate the LGBTQ community make fans feel more welcomed at Fenway and other venues, then that is a win.”

This leads to our Ask Billy question, from Paul in Dallas: “I know everyone says Hudson Williams is straight, but whenever he’s around Connor Storrie, they always have their hands all over each other.  What’s the truth?”

You’re right – they are very touchy-feely.  But not everyone who is touchy-feely is dating – or, dare I say, fucking.  Yes, they even shared intimate moments at the Met Gala.  Hudson tried to put his jacket on Connor, only to be told “his arms can’t fit into it”.  Later, they did some bathroom selfies.  So, what is the truth?  Hudson says, “I was always kind of adamant that no matter what people think or want to infer, like, I’m always going to just physically express my love.”  Connor lamented, “If I have my hand on his leg as we’re sitting down doing a press thing because he’s my best buddy and I love him, and we have that level of comfort, it’s just interesting that that instantly gets turned into, ‘They’re more than friends’.”  You can see some of these public displays of affection on BillyMasters.com.

When there’s such a thing as being too affectionate, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Ironically, this is how those rumors of my marriage to Kurt Young got started.  We are naturally very affectionate with each other.  OK, so there was a minister, and champagne, and even a ring…just not in a place immediately visible.  But, as they say, sometimes a kiss is just a kiss.  And sometimes these things turn up on BillyMasters.com – the site that always turns the other cheek (so to speak).  Should you have more questions, send them along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I go to Hudson and Connor’s wedding!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

The Tony nominations were just announced.  I hope I’m not being too predictable when I admit I was elated by the omission of Lea Michele.  She wants it so badly she can taste it.  Well, maybe that’s how she stays so slim.  She’s on a steady diet of snubs!  Congrats to June Squibb who made history as the oldest acting nominee (she’s 96).

The big news on Broadway continues to be Oh, Mary!.  And they proved me wrong.  Apparently a woman can be successful in the role of Mary Todd Lincoln – if that woman is Maya Rudolph.  With the SNL vet in the leading role, the play broke its own record and brought in $1.5 million at the box office.  Now that she’s opened the door, perhaps other SNL alums will get a shot – like the always underestimated Cheri Oteri!

By the by, Oh, Mary! has announced the cities for a national tour.  It kicks off in Hartford, CT on September 19^th and is slated to hit 16 other cities into 2027.  No word on casting…yet.

In some positive political news, the administration of El Presidente has agreed to restore the Pride flag at the Stonewall National Monument.  As you’ll recall, it was unceremoniously removed back in February since it did not represent the administration’s “official sentiments”.  People flew their own flags and launched a legal battle against the National Park Service.  Last week, a settlement was proposed that would allow the Pride flag to be flown alongside the US flag – unless there’s a maintenance issue or any other concern.

Kathy Griffin has announced that she will be doing a residency in Palm Springs.  Now, you know how I don’t like people using the word “residency” lightly – so I am calling this residency-adjacent.  Can You Handle This Heat?  The Kathy Griffin Palm Springs Residency will take place at the newly renovated Plaza Theatre in Palm Springs next year on January 31^st, February 26^th, and March 26^th.  It’s being billed as Kathy’s “first-ever residency”.  How quickly people forget her weekly residency at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood back in 2019.  Every Monday in April, Kathy walked on stage in her pajamas at 9:45PM.  She set a kitchen timer for 60 minutes.  She’d stop whatever she was saying when the timer went off.  The next week, she’d pick up where she left off.

One residency is announced, and another is cancelled.  Dolly Parton just revealed that her upcoming Las Vegas residency at The Colosseum at Caesars Palace has been cancelled because of health concerns.  “It’s gonna take me a little while before I’m up to stage performance level because some of the meds and treatments make me a little swimmy-headed, as my grandma used to say.  And, of course, I can’t be dizzy carrying around banjos, guitars, and such on 5-inch heels – and you know I’m gonna be wearing them.  Not to mention all those heavy rhinestone outfits, the big hair, and my big…uh…personality.  Lord, THOSE, uh, THAT, would make anybody swimmy-headed.”  Dolly says she’s still working on her Broadway musical, Dolly: A True Original Musical and hopes to turn up at the opening of her museum and hotel in Nashville.  So far, Freida Parton has “No comment” on Dolly’s health!

The Met Gala took place last week, and it was more notable for who boycotted it rather than who showed up (but, suffice it to say, Cher, Madonna, and Stevie Nicks did NOT pose together).  Many people skipped the event due to the involvement of Jeff Bezos.  People like Meryl Streep, Zendaya, Taraji P. Henson, and Bella Hadid declined their invitations.  Billy Porter skipped it, but not because of a boycott – because he wasn’t invited.  “I don’t go to places where I’m not welcome,” said Porter.  Or invited.

Since we mentioned the Met Gala and Meryl, let me say something very brief about The Devil Wears Prada 2.  What a disappointment.  The biggest problem?  There’s no script.  Sure, there’s an idea of a script.  Perhaps even a concept of a script.  But no actual script.  At least not one worthy of the actors…or the characters.  Yes, I have gone on record being against long, meandering exposition, but SOME exposition is always welcomed.  Frankly, the only scenes that work are carbon copies of what worked in the first film.  Tucci and Hathaway raiding the closet, Meryl and Hathaway in the car, etc.  That said, it was fantastic spending time with these beloved characters and seeing them interact.  The film’s ending gave a tantalizing glimpse into what a movie about Emily would be.  I’d see that!

“Congressman, I will let you describe why
you went into Tim Cain’s ass today.” 
– Politico Donna Brazile to Rep. Dan Crenshaw on Real Time. 
Crenshaw took offense to the “phrasing” and quipped,
“He’s the last ass I would go into.”

Where was I?  Ah, yes – my quickie trip to the Left Coast (as a friend used to say).  I was back in my sumptuous Beverly Hills adjacent abode for the wedding of gay porn legend Kurt Young to former West Hollywood mayor John Duran.  I’m sure my faithful fans are probably thinking “Didn’t you marry Kurt Young back in 2004?”  Yes, but it’s a long and complicated story, not unlike the film Chinatown.  The three of us discussed that wedding on Billy Masters LIVE, which you can see on our website.  It really boils down to two things – Kurt would do anything for a gift bag, and I’d do anything for cake!  Kurt and John’s reception took place at The Chapel, part of The Abbey (which is where our marriage took place – Kurt quipped, “All of my weddings take place here!”).  My companion for the event was bon vivant Bruce Vilanch, proving forevermore that we are not, in fact, the same person.  It was a lovely day, and I was honored that John and Kurt included me!

During the wedding, Bruce shared two stories with me, but prefaced them by saying, “You can’t report this”.  So I didn’t – and two days later, they were all over the news.  Scooped again!!  The first is that Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy and Sarah Jessica Parker have signed a deal for Hocus Pocus 3.  And, unlike the last film which went direct to Disney+, this one is planning to have a theatrical release – likely coming out around Halloween 2027.

The other story Bruce shared was that Celebrity Autobiography is opening on Broadway on May 18^th.  Like the previous incarnations, it will feature a revolving cast of luminaries – including such stalwarts as Sherri Shepherd, Kathy Griffin, Mario Cantone, Jackie Hoffman, Andrea Martin, and Vilanch himself.  I hear the producers are trying to convince the Divine Miss M to participate – perhaps as soon as opening night.  Stay tuned.

While out west, I also got to see another friend perform – Susanna Hoffs.  The once-and-forever Bangle did an intimate concert at Largo at the Coronet Theatre and was in fantastic form – with onstage assistance by Fred Armisen.  Hoffs debuted some new material which she is working on and revealed she is doing her own take on The Beatles’ Help album.  She is also working on either a musical version of her novel, This Bird Has Flown.  And, in answering my direct question, she does plan to make public some of her unreleased recordings, including her entire 1994 album for Columbia.  Busy, busy.

Our Ask Billy question this week was simple.  Robert in Atlanta writes, “I saw a video of Bette Midler singing a protest song against Trump.  What do you know about it?”

It’s not a protest song specifically against Trump.  “All You Fascists Bound to Lose” was written by Woody Guthrie back in 1942 (he didn’t record it until 1944).  While not named, it was aimed at people like Hitler and Mussolini and was supporting unions against fascist rule.  Midler was familiar with the song and thought it apropos.  “You know I’ve been around a long time, but I have never lived through what we are living through now.  The great Woody Guthrie wrote this song many years ago.  I changed some of the words to fit our times, and I hope you’ll sing it when you are marching.”  The video accompanying the release features Bette alongside her Beaches co-star, Barbara Hershey, with cameos from numerous people including her Hello, Dolly! co-star, David Hyde Pierce and one of her former Harlettes, Jenifer Lewis.  You can check it out on BillyMasters.com.

When Bette is taking on Trump, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  I just got back from a quick trip to LA.  I’ll tell you all about that next week on BillyMasters.com – the site that always delivers.  In the meantime, feel free to send your questions along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before DeSantis bans this column!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Not everyone has such positive overseas journeys.  Take Pasha Talankin, who won an Academy Award earlier this year for Mr. Nobody Against Putin.  When going through TSA in JFK, an agent told him he couldn’t take his Oscar onboard.  Why?  Because it could be used as a weapon!  I’ve heard of people doing crazy things with their statuette (some involving slippery substances), but a weapon?  Previously, Talankin had no incident traveling with his Oscar.  Lufthansa offered to hold the statue in the cockpit (without a slippery substance), but TSA said it would have to be checked in baggage storage.  He complied and, naturally, the bag was lost!  After 48 tense hours, the airline made an announcement.  “We can confirm that the Oscar statue has now been located and is safely in our care in Frankfurt.  We are in direct contact with the guest to arrange its personal return as quickly as possible.”

We hear that a reboot of The Apprentice is in the works.  The person at the center of these talks is Don Junior!  If this is the first you’re hearing of this project, you’re not alone.  Someone close to Don claims that he first heard about it by reading reports in the news.  Unlike the previous incarnation for NBC, this is being shopped to Amazon.  Well, naturally – they funded that blockbuster documentary, Melania!  Senior seemed less surprised.  He told the press, “He’d be probably good.  He’s got a little charisma going.  You need a little charisma for that sucker.”  Days later, Amazon pushed back, “The show is not in active development, and any reporting on details of the show or names of potential hosts would be purely speculative.”  Here’s my question – what would an apprentice to Junior actually do?  Carry the bags of cash out of the Middle East?  Do midnight runs to pick up his “medications”?

In a less controversial return, Ellen DeGeneres is headed back to Pixar for another shot at playing Dory.  Details are unclear, but we’re told it will be a short film and probably won’t come out for a couple of years.  A gig’s a gig.

Someone else is going back to his roots.  One of Jonathan Bennett’s early jobs was playing JR Chandler on All My Children.  Bennett is headed back to the soaps by way of General Hospital, playing a mysterious man named Joe Fitzpatrick.  “I learned how to act on daytime television when I was 19 years old.  Now I’m back, but I’ve got a few more tools in my tool belt, so this should be fun,” says Bennett.  Now, getting back to his tool…

Kathy Griffin has been added to the list of participants for Liza at 80! A Celebration in Song and Dance at Carnegie Hall on June 25^th.  One assumes she will neither sing nor dance, but others on the bill who can do both include Mario Cantone, Andrew Rannells, Kristin Chenoweth, Donna Murphy and Beth Leavel.  Will Liza actually appear?  Minnelli issued a statement: “I am grateful and honored that my collaborators and career are being celebrated at Carnegie Hall this Summer…I hope to see all my New York friends at the performance.”  I hope to see Matt Bomer naked, and that’s more likely to happen than Liza performing onstage at Carnegie Hall.  Here’s an idea.  Kathy Griffin always travels by private plane.  If it is wheelchair accessible, maybe she can give Liza a lift.

The first time I was at Carnegie Hall was to see the legendary Queen of Salsa, Celia Cruz.  Fun fact – my first extended onscreen interview was with Celia – even though, as she said, “my English is not too good looking”.  Cruz will be the first Afro-Latina artist to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  Azucar!

Another legendary diva got quite a thrill on her 85^th birthday.  Ann-Margret was honored by the USO for her “decades of service”.  In one of those moments of kismet, the day she was presented with the commemorative USO Challenge Coin was also the organization’s 85^th anniversary.  “Those tours and all my guys mean the world to me.  I remember all of them…ALL of them.”  Congrats.

Everyone is talking about how well King Charles’ visit to the US went.  But almost nobody is talking about the numerous faux pas.  For instance, in honor of his arrival, 15 British Union Jacks were to be installed along 17^th Street NW in DC.  However, the Department of Transportation accidentally hoisted 15 Australian flags – which feature a Union Jack in the corner.  Potato/Potahto.  Happily, the error was fixed before the royals arrived.  During the farewell ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery, the Union Jack was flown…upside down!  That is a symbol of distress or “lese Majeste” – which literally means “insulting the crown”.  Accident?  Methinks not.  Did you think Donny would let Chuck get the last laugh?  I know we said “No Kings”, but could we please have this one?

Happy Anniversary, El Presidente.  Ten years ago last week, he participated in a Today town hall during his first bid for the presidency.  This question came via Twitter: “Mr. Trump, please be specific and tell us views of LGBT and how you plan to be inclusive.  Speak abt NC Bathroom law.”  The proposed NC law in question was to require bathroom use to match people’s gender at birth.  Trump said, “One of the best answers I heard was from a commentator yesterday saying, ‘Leave it the way it is right now.  There have been very few problems.  Leave it the way it is.’”  He added, “People go, they use the bathroom that they feel is appropriate.  There has been so little trouble.”  Matt Lauer followed up, “So if Caitlyn Jenner were to walk into Trump Tower and want to use the bathroom, you would be fine with her using any bathroom she chooses?”  Trump said, “That is correct.”

Meanwhile in Florida, Governor Ron DeSantis signed a law banning any city or county in the state from supporting Gay Pride.  It was previously nicknamed the “Anti-Diversity in Local Government” bill and it goes into effect January 2027.  If a state entity supports any Pride event, they could lose their funding and the people involved could be removed from office.  While Pride events are not banned, they cannot be funded or promoted by the state.  This includes supporting LGBTQ youth housing and HIV outreach.

Someone who certainly understands the need for the government to support the gay community is former Congressman Barney Frank.  “When I decided, finally, to come out in ’87, it just struck me when I did that…the American people are a lot less homophobic than they thought they were supposed to be.”  He has reportedly entered hospice care due to congestive heart failure.  However, he says he feels “very good – no pain, no discomfort.”  “At 86, I’ve made it longer than I thought.  At some point, my heart’s just going to give out, and it’s reaching that stage.”  He added, “One of my regrets is that I won’t see the continued implosion of Donald Trump.”

Before we leave politics completely, here’s a question lots of people have been asking – what happened to all the food that was going to be served at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner?  The 2,600 guests got to choose between lobster and steak (presumably there was also a veggie option).  Obviously we know some people refused to go under their table without their emotional support lobster.  The rest of the unserved meals were freeze-dried before being donated to two different area shelters for abused women and children.

You all know that Cher has famously collaborated with the great Diane Warren.  But here’s something you probably don’t know – Warren once collaborated with Matt Bomer!  When Magic Mike XXL was being put together, there was talk of Bomer’s character singing onstage (he does sing “Heaven”, from that Christopher Atkins stripper movie).  There was even talk of him releasing an EP in conjunction with the film.  So he recorded a handful of songs – some covers, some originals, and some written by Warren.  Ultimately, the project was shelved.  “I knew that if I released them into the world, I was gonna have to go on talk shows and do them…and tour around the country with them, and do all this stuff.  And I was like, ‘You know what?  I love her music, but if I’m gonna do this, it has to come from me,’ and so we never released it.”

This leads perfectly to our Ask Billy question.  Chris in Maryland writes, “I saw a photo of Matt Bomer’s son going to his prom.  He’s so gorgeous – just like his dad.  What can you tell me about him?”

We actually don’t know who Walker Halls’ biological father is.  It could be Matt or it could be Matt’s husband, PR guru Simon Halls.  The supposition was always they were Halls’ kids since they took his last name.  While they were all born before Halls married Bomer, they were a couple.  Either way, these kids have good-looking parents.  Little Walker Halls went to his prom with Ava Bozzi, who is the adopted daughter of Bryan Lourd, who was Carrie Fisher’s gay ex-husband.  She is also the sister of that fun-loving Billie Lourd.  With family like that, no doubt the high school couple had plenty to talk about!  You can check out photos on BillyMasters.com.

When I’m covering high school proms, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Since we’re dangerously approaching Epstein country (although I think high school was too old for him), let me remind you to check out BillyMasters.com – the site you can even check out from under the table.  If you have a question that only I could answer, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before we find out if Wolf ran into Lindsey in that men’s room!   Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

The Michael Jackson biopic opened to record-breaking box office numbers.  Michael itself got pretty awful reviews – not that anyone suggested the film is badly acted or directed.  The words used were more like “sanitized”, “surface-level”, “greatest hits”.  Even Jaafar Jackson got off (so to speak) as a capable actor and an even better dancer and performer.  But anyone looking for depth or reality about Jackson’s life should look elsewhere.  You’d also better look elsewhere if you’re trying to find Janet Jackson.  We got the lowdown from LaToya (who never met a microphone she didn’t like, in one way or another).  “I wish everybody was in the movie.  [Janet] was asked and she kindly declined so you have to respect her wishes.”  It should be noted that the Jackson family has a huge financial stake in the flick, and Michael’s “son”, Prince Jackson, is an executive producer.  Paris and Blanket are not involved.  Paris, in particular, has criticized the film as having “a lot of full blown lies”.  “The film panders to a very specific section of my dad’s fandom that still lives in the fantasy.  And they’re going to be happy with it.”

You should know that the film planned to include the child molestation allegations in the final section.  However, attorneys for the Jackson estate realized that there was a clause in Michael’s settlement with Jordan Chandler that “barred the depiction or mention of him in any movie”.  So that entire storyline was scrapped and the film ends in 1988.  There is, however, talk of a sequel.

Here’s the diva story that everybody’s talking about – Cher’s secret granddaughter.  First, let’s clear this up – the kid was no secret.  Cher heard about the child that Kayti Edwards gave birth to in 2010 and knew there was a good chance it was sired by her son, Elijah Blue Allman.  Kayti says, “Cher got in touch with me last June and asked if it was true, so I had to confess.”  Believe it or not, that’s not the craziest part.  Kayti Edwards’ step-grandmother is Julie Andrews!  So this kid has a great-grandmother who was Mary Poppins and a grandmother that straddled a 16-inch naval gun on the battleship USS Missouri clad in a black leather thong bodysuit!  Talk about diversity!

By the way, Cher has once again petitioned the court to place Elijah under a temporary conservatorship.  She claims he “has no concept of money” and “is unable to manage his financial resources and is unable to withstand fraud or undue influence” because of his “severe mental health and addiction issues”.  Elijah’s half-brother also told the court that he “is currently a danger to himself and unable to manage his life and any funds that would become available to him.”  Elijah Blue is also estranged from his wife, Marieangela King, who filed for divorce last April.  She was granted $6,500 a month in temporary spousal support along with custody of their 2017 Toyota Prius.

Margaret Cho made a not-particularly startling revelation – Donald Trump tried to get her to compete on The Celebrity Apprentice.  “I was asked several times to be on it, season after season, and they kept saying, ‘Well, Donald Trump really loves you.  Please come on,’ and I just had a bad feeling about it.”  She didn’t completely boycott the show – she showed up during the 2010 season to assist pal Cyndi Lauper in a challenge.  But, it didn’t end there.  In 2016, Cho heard from Trump’s lawyer, Michael Cohen.  “He somehow got my email and was really begging me to become part of the campaign.  And I’m like ‘That’s insane.’  I’m a lifelong Democrat.  Why would I back somebody that I didn’t know anything about?”

Kathy Griffin waded into political waters by making a revelation of her own.  “I donated $10,000 to the Eric Swalwell campaign last November and today Team Swalwell gave me the 10K back!!!  I want you guys to know that I turned right around and gave that same $10,000 to Amy Goodman and @DemocracyNow.  You want legit, tried and true independent, NON CORPORATE journalism, keep up with @democracynow, and Amy Goodman.”

In a late-breaking diva moment, Madonna showed up at The Abbey in WeHo to celebrate owner Tristan Schukraft’s birthday.  She had on one of those outfits worn in competition by Tara Lipinski (or was it Johnny Weir?  I get them confused all the time).  “Hello, children, mutha is here to save you,” she said from the DJ booth.  “Are you ready to dance for me?  Come on, meet me on the dance floor.  Alright, let’s go gays, come on.  Don’t let me down, gays.”  Then she sang, danced, served a few drinks, emptied a few ashtrays.  You know, the usual.

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re saying, hun. 
Please remember where you are, OK. 
‘Cause if you’re trying to shade me, bitch,
I’m gonna come for you.  I’m from Brooklyn,
and if I want to fuckin’ talk, I will do a tap dance
if I fuckin’ want.  Sorry.  That, of course,
is not part of my people skills.” 
–Cyndi Lauper shuts down a heckler at the opening night of her
Las Vegas residency at The Colosseum at Caesars Palace.

The White House Correspondents Association dinner is always a great weekend for gays in DC to hook up with a politician or a political aide (or, in the worst possible case, a gay journalist).  Last weekend, the Capitol was buzzing with homosexual activity – why, the thought of it gave Lindsey Graham a case of the vapors!  It was so out of control, Grindr had to hire extra data centers just to handle the load (as it were).  Rest assured, the gay hookup app made its presence known by hosting a mixer the eve of the main event.  It was such a hot ticket, Vanity Fair and USA Today wrote about it.  Everyone was speculating who’d attend.  We’re told people like Don Lemon, Kaitlan Collins, some reality stars and lesser politicos along with a handful of anonymous hotties showed up.

As to the WHCA dinner itself, shots rang out in the lobby as people were settling in.  Secret Service told attendees to duck under their tables (which led to some pretty interesting photos), while Il Duce, Madame Duce, the Vice Duce, the head of the WHCA, and Oz Pearlman were whisked off the dais into the lobby.  This begs the question – what the fuck kinda mentalist are you, Oz?  Shortly after Secret Service pushed Wolf Blitzer into a men’s room, the suspect was neutralized.  Il Duce proclaimed, “The show must go on.”  Secret Service disagreed and sent everyone home.  Trump promises the event will be rescheduled “in the next 30 days.”

Last week, Boston had some presidential presence of its own.  Bill and Hillary Clinton were in town to see their daughter Chelsea running…her first Boston Marathon.  She finished 130^th with a commendable time of 3:40:52.  To protect her privacy, she ran under the name “Margaret Smith” and was accompanied by Secret Service agents.

It’s been 40 years since The Normal Heart debuted at The Public Theater (actually, it was 41 years ago).  So the Public is staging a one-night-only benefit reading of the play – a play that has had more one-night-only benefit readings than any play I can think of.  For this performance, they’ve secured the services of Billy Eichner as Ned Weeks, Michael Urie playing Felix Turner, and Ben Stiller as Ben Weeks.  The reading will take place on April 27^th.  Tickets are still available at PublicTheater.org.

We’re at that time of the year when events for Provincetown start to be announced.  Since I like to space this stuff out, let’s start with Town Hall.  On August 9^th, Joy Behar will make her Ptown debut in a special evening hosted by Judy Gold (which tells me it will primarily be an interview).  Produced by Mark Cortale, this will benefit Sandy Hook Promise.  Some of Cortale’s other events at Town Hall include Audra McDonald and Seth Rudetsky (May 24^th), Megan Hilty (July 5^th), and Cheyenne Jackson (August 2^nd).  Naturally, the indefatigable Marilyn Maye returns for her 15^th consecutive year on August 30^th.  Grab your tix at PtownTownHall.com.

We have time for a brief Ask Billy question.  Victor in Fort Lauderdale asked, “Who was Coleman Domingo thanking at the end of Saturday Night Live?  It was cut off down here.”

It was cut off everywhere because it’s a network show and someone didn’t tell him they were off the air.  Here’s his full closing: “Tonight is for all the little boys in inner cities.  All the little girls in small corners of Brazil.  Tonight is for the dreamers.  Tonight is for the people who bring light into the world, especially Lorne Michaels and this beautiful cast.  Thank you to the band.  Thank you to everyone who came to come together in a dark room and just laugh when we need more laughter in the world.  This has been an epic night and we want to send you away with a big ole kiss and love and to love on each other.  Thank you so much to every single one of you.  Good night.”  You can see the full video on BillyMasters.com.

When we’re wrapping up with someone else’s closing, it’s time to end yet another column.  Last week, I saw my pal Sherri Shepherd at Boston’s Wilbur Theater.  The show, Make It Make Sense, is great and the capacity crowd loved her.  At the end of the show, Sherri thanked two people from the stage – her opening act and her good friend Billy Masters!  You can check me out each and every week on BillyMasters.com – the site that can make sense of anything.  If you have a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Caitlyn gets that new passport!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

I’m old enough to remember when ladies lost their shit about Thelma & Louise.  Personally, I was all about Brad Pitt, but I’m shallow that way.  A musical version of the film will have its world premiere in London’s West End.  Callie Khouri, who wrote the script for the film, is writing the book for the musical.  The show debuts at the Young Vic on September 3^rd.

There was a kinda Thelma & Louise reunion at Coachella this year.  During Sabrina Carpenter’s first weekend, she had Susan Sarandon play an older version of her by reciting a lengthy monologue.  The following weekend, Geena Davis took on the role (with a significantly shorter version of the same monologue).  Carpenter also featured another older woman during the show.  But I’m giving Madonna the week off.

Alan Ritchson may be known to people as the hot lead in Reacher, or from his time on Blue Mountain State.  But I remember him from American Idol in 2004 when he flirted with Miss Paula Abdul.  His success on the show was short-lived when he got cut during Hollywood Week after partying all night in the pool and blew his audition the next day (I suspect that wasn’t the only blowing going on).  He’s returning to his reality roots and just signed a deal to host an untitled show for Netflix where he will lead a group of other “names” to survive in the outdoors without any modern conveniences or comforts.  They don’t have to be afraid, but I’m all for them being naked.

A couple of years ago, Ritchson did a very long and rambling interview with The Hollywood Reporter.  Here is one of the anecdotes he shared: “I was booked for a shoot for this very famous photographer.  I was sent into a hotel room to do nudes with the promise that if I did the shoot, he would offer me a very lucrative campaign for a magazine and a clothing line.  I was sexually assaulted by this guy.”  He doesn’t mention any names, but it is worth noting that he did model for Abercrombie & Fitch and was shot by Bruce Weber.

Not all cis women are doing females many favors.  Actress Ruby Rose went public with the following:  “Katy Perry sexual assaulted me at spice market nightclub in Melbourne.  I was only in my early 20s.  I’m now 40.  It has taken almost 2 decades to say this publicly.”  Let me interrupt to say I’m not a big fan of revelations that come out a couple of decades later – especially from someone who has been in the public eye for at least one of them.  Let me continue Ruby’s scintillating prose: “She saw me ‘resting’ on my best friends lap to avoid her and bent down, pulled her underwear to the side and rubbed her disgusting vagina on my face until my eyes snapped open and I projectile vomited on her.”  She sure knows how to paint a picture!  She adds that Katy is “welcome to sue me (she won’t, because it happened, I have photos and it was literally in public and witnessed by multiple people).”  She reveals that at some point, Katy “agreed to help me get my US visa.  So I kept it a secret.”  Dare I say…tit for tat?

Perry’s reps released the following statement: “The allegations being circulated on social media by Ruby Rose about Katy Perry are not only categorically false, they are dangerous reckless lies.  Ms. Rose has a well-documented history of making serious public allegations on social media against various individuals, claims that have repeatedly been denied by those named.”  Ruby, we’re happy to print those photos – send ‘em along.

Some girl-on-girl action happened on The Drew Barrymore Show.  Drew went to adjust guest Tori Spelling’s mike pack, which was tucked in the back of her trousers.  “Is it weird that I just start immediately sticking my hand down your pants?”  Tori responded, “Not really – I was hoping you’d touch me.”  Drew continued, “Too much too soon?  Good, because I’ve known you forever.”  Tori shrugged and said, “We’re gonna kiss next.”  Drew said, “Listen, I’m single.”  Tori said, “So am I.”  And then they kissed.  Then they both extolled the virtues of Matt Bomer and how they’d like to kiss him (Drew already has).  I think we’ve figured out why they’re both single.

“I’m not looking for love outside my relationship.  We’re not
polyamorous and so the sex I’m having outside of
my relationship is all recreational at this point.” 
– Joel Kim Booster discusses how his marriage with John Michael
Sudsina works.  I’m somewhat concerned about the phrase
“at this point”.   Because at some future point…who knows?

It was only a column or two ago when I shared these profound words: “You reap what you sow”.  It sounds almost Biblical, but don’t quote me.  That phrase sprang to mind when reading about the travails of Miss Caitlyn Jenner.  You see, Jenner is a devotee of El Presidente.  One could almost say she’s got a hard-on for him, but I might not be that one.  I would however say that she sounds like a jilted ex.  The former Bruce Jenner (I know, I know) got a rude awakening when it came time to renew her passport.  “I sent it back, comes back gender marker ‘M’”.  Frankly, what did Jenner expect?  That these were empty threats?  Still, she forgives even that.  “I don’t blame President Trump.  I love him, but for a lot of people, this is a huge issue.”  She’d put herself in that category, since she says, “I can’t travel internationally anymore.”  I’d suspect she actually can – those facial scanners don’t care what’s under your skirt.  “I don’t know what’s gonna happen, because I don’t think this was really thought out.”  Perhaps you should have thought about that before you voted.  You reap…

We’ve previously told you that the casting of Dylan Mulvaney as Anne Boleyn in the Broadway musical Six caused a flurry of hate mail from people who took issue with a trans woman playing a former Queen of England.  Personally, I think royalists must have bigger fish to fry.  On the red carpet for the opening night of CATS: The Jellicle Ball, she was asked what she loves most about being on Broadway.  “Honestly, I think the other dolls on Broadway.  It’s a community.  We need more dolls on Broadway.  Let’s get them there.”  A fitting answer since one of the “dolls” (a term for trans women) is starring in Jellicle.  Tempress Chasity Moore stars as Grizabella.

Many of you sent in similar Ask Billy questions.  The first in my pouch was from Harry in Chicago, who asked, “Who is that cute boy from that TV court show being sued by his father for the cost of conversion therapy?”

Brace yourself – he’s an actor!  The incident in question took place on Equal Justice with Judge Eboni K. Williams.  All the people on the show are actors, and not particularly good ones (ditto for the writers).  And before you ask, Eboni ain’t no judge – but she is a lawyer.  The incident before the “judge” concerns a father who sent his son to conversion therapy.  The son stopped going, so dad is suing his son for the $6K bill.  The son (called Michael Talbert in this dramatization) recounted the sessions.  “They said that I was cursed, said that I was going to hell, and called all of us there monsters, that we were unworthy, and that we needed the program to fix ourselves.”  That’s when Judge Eboni left the bench to go and hold Michael’s hand – if this were Caso Cerrado, they’d also be playing a beautiful song (and it would also be in Spanish).  “Young man,” said Judge Eboni, “You are not cursed.  You are as loved and as worthy, Michael, as your father, your mother, and everyone else who gets the privilege to reside on this earth, young man.  I don’t care what your daddy says.  I don’t care what some stupid conversion therapy says, which is nothing but a bunch of hoopla and a scam and a money-grab for young, vulnerable men like yourself.  I see you.  You are valuable.  And Michael – you are perfect.  You are perfect in the eyes of God.”  Cut!  Print it!  Send that tape to the Emmy Nominating Committee!  If you can’t wait, you can watch every melodramatic moment on BillyMasters.com.

When I’m judging TV “judges”, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  You know what?  I’ve been David Geffen.  Ich bin ein Geffen.  I may not have beauty or riches to trade.  But, damnit, I’m Billy Masters and you can read me on BillyMasters.com – the site that won’t ask for a prenup!  If you have a question for me to ponder (or pounder), send it to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Kate Jackson’s bangs grow out.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Pintauro doesn’t have the most unlikely gig.  That honor goes to Pink (or P!NK), who got an offer that even took her aback: “When I was asked to host the Tonys, I immediately thought, ‘I have to get permission from my daughter.’  I’ve never been on Broadway, and shouldn’t you have to have been on Broadway in order to host?  That seems fair and right.  But when I asked my daughter, she was really excited about being able to have a ticket to go to the Tonys, so I’m hosting the Tonys and I’m really, really, excited and very nervous because that girl is a tough crowd!”

I expect many awards for the recently-opened revival of Arthur Miller’s Death of a Salesman – starring Nathan Lane.  Sure, it stars lots of other nifty folk (including Laurie Metcalf), but it is Lane who will likely reap the plaudits for a portrayal every critic is calling masterful.  It could also be his swan song.  When a reporter asked his future plans, Nathan said, “Oh, Jesus, who the hell knows?  This could be my farewell to Broadway.”

I was in New York City for a workshop of Jenifer Lewis’ latest one-woman show.  This was an invitation-only event with limited capacity, so I was told to pick my companion with care.  Actually, what Jenifer’s message said was, “There Will Be No Riff Raff”, which I propose would make a great title for the show!  I chose the perfect companion – Charles Busch.  Well, Jenifer and Charles have a mutual admiration society, and it was a convergence of almost Biblical proportions.  Jenifer was ably assisted on the keyboards by the incomparable Marc Shaiman (you have read his memoir, right?  Juicy!).  The story of Jenifer’s near-death experience in Africa (and her miraculous recovery) is ripe for the stage.   I’ll keep you posted.

I zipped back to Boston for the world premiere of Matthew Lombardo’s new play, When Playwrights Kill, which takes its genesis from his experience with Faye Dunaway as Katharine Hepburn in his play, Tea at Five.  Lombardo has a knack for clever dialogue and peppers his script with bitchy quips alongside more introspective moments.  The cast could hardly be bettered.  As the titular playwright, Matt Doyle is an adorable and earnest lad pushed to the brink.  As the Faye surrogate, Beth Leavel leaves no inch of scenery un-chewed.  She also brings more humanity than one would expect.  Lots of well-deserved praise is going to scene-stealer Tomás Matos.  But the cast’s secret weapon is Marissa Jaret Winokur.  As the stage manager, she’s almost the Greek chorus seeing everyone’s truth (but not necessarily hearing it).  Marissa can get a laugh with a look that anticipates exactly what the audience is thinking.  Boston got every inside joke and gave the show a standing ovation.  It continues at the Huntington Theatre through April 18^th.  Check out WhenPlaywrightsKillBoston.com.

We like to think that the wealthy and beautiful have it made.  But over the years, this column has revealed all that glitters is not gold.  Last week, David Geffen proclaimed an end to his two-year marriage to “model” (I think that’s the acceptable term) David Armstrong (aka Donovan Michaels).  Allegedly, their divorce settlement has been finalized (details not to be disclosed).  But this week, my sympathies are with Geffen.  He’s never lacked “companionship”.  So why marry Armstrong?  And without a prenup!  What promises were made?  What deal was brokered?  Geffen is not a stupid man.  I’m inclined to believe he leapt because he was in love.  Maybe he’s just an 83-year-old man worth $8.7 billion trying to be happy.  Who’s at fault?  Who’s to blame?  Who knows?

What a brilliant segue into a story about Danny Pintauro – who is not wealthy, but who starred on Who’s The Boss?  Believe it or not, Danny has something in common with Geffen’s ex.  David Armstrong is known for having an impressive package (which can be seen on BillyMasters.com).  Danny’s also delivering packages…for Amazon!  This is not his first “civilian” job – he previously sold Tupperware (forever answering the question, “What do Danny Pintauro and Dixie Longate have in common?”).  Last week, Pintauro posted a photo in full delivery mode: “The entertainment business has been soooo slow, so I’ve been doing what a lot of people do – figuring it out, showing up, and taking the work that’s there while I keep building the work I really want.  38 packages today!”   I’m sure Armstrong has also had 38 packages in a day, but that’s a whole different type of package!

“When the show was number three, I thought it was our acting. 
When we got to be number one, I decided it could only be
because none of us wears a bra!” 
– Farrah Fawcett-Majors (as she was billed at the time) shares her
theory on the success of Charlie’s Angels to TV Guide in 1977.

Charlie’s Angels recently celebrated its 50^th anniversary (the premiere actually took place on September 22, 1976).  PaleyFest LA essentially featured a Season Two reunion (a similar event takes place at The Paley Honors event in New York on May 14^th).  Onstage were Kate Jackson, Jaclyn Smith, and Cheryl Ladd being interviewed by local anchor George Pennacchio.  Smith summed up the success of the show: “Three women chasing danger instead of being rescued from danger.”  Kate, who pitched the show to Spelling, said “We made an impact, I think.”

But what did the press talk about?  How the ladies looked.  Jaclyn Smith caused the least chatter – most felt she looked well rested and “refreshed”.  Cheryl Ladd was judged to be “enhanced” with fillers.  And then there was the reclusive Kate Jackson.  As recently as last summer, she’s turned up for all public appearances in a surgical mask.  So even if you paid for a photo with Kate Jackson, you looked like you were on the set of Marcus Welby!  Unmasked at the Dolby Theatre, some speculated she had bad face work.  Others wondered if she had a stroke.  One plastic surgeon said her cat eyes and high forehead suggested she had a brow lift.  Might I suggest bangs?

Hours after turning up for the Euphoria Season Three premiere at the Chinese Theatre in Hollywood wearing a see-through blouse and no bra (I’m sensing a trend), Natasha Lyonne was on a plane bound for New York.  As it was taxiing, flight attendants discovered her passed out.  She explained on Twitter: “I took a Lunesta once seated, to ensure some shut eye on the Delta One red eye flight to NYC.  Boarded seamlessly with just a backpack and sneakers, eager for a nap.  Plan was to be bushy tailed & beauty rested, as I was meant to head straight to glam for a slot with our beloved @DrewBarrymore upon landing.  Was looking forward to seeing Drew & an in depth convo, but I guess ICE had other plans & I was detained instead.  Sign of the times, I guess.  Thanks for all the love and support.  Never had a problem with Delta or TSA workers.  Apologies to any travelers who were delayed.”

I can’t imagine anyone having a problem being bedfellows with Tyler Hanes (I will save my history with him for the book).  The Hallmark hunk is headed back to the stage, but admittedly further off Broadway than his previous endeavors.  This latest venture just began previews at the Marriott Theatre outside of Chicago.  He’s taking on the role of Elvis Presley in what is being termed as a “bio-musical”.  Heartbreak Hotel focuses on Presley’s life just before his 1968 comeback and includes about forty Elvis hits.  Hanes as sexy Elvis?  Sign me up!  The show runs through May 31^st.  Get details and tickets at MarriottTheatre.com.

I suppose it was an inevitability, but an off-Broadway production has been announced called Heated Rivalry: The Unauthorized Musical Parody.  It got my attention because one of our favorites is taking on the role of Ilya – Jay Armstrong Johnson.  As Shane, we have Jimin Moon, who I am not familiar with, but they both look hot in the photos.  I’m told one of the highlights is a quasi-Greek chorus extolling the virtues of “gay hockey players with big butts”.  For the record, I’ve always enjoyed every inch of JAJ, but never thought of his ass as particularly large.  Given his notable appearances in Broadway Bares, you can check him out on BillyMasters.com.  The musical opens on May 12^th at the 5^th Floor Theatre.  More details can be found on HeatedRivalryParody.com.

Time for yet another almost predictable Ask Billy question.  Gerry in Los Angeles writes, “I keep hearing about some film Connor Storrie made about his ass.  What do you know about it?”

Well, I wouldn’t say it’s about his ass, but it surely figures prominently in this endeavor.  It’s called Look Behind You.  Get it?  Behind?  Anyway, it’s directed by Nia DaCosta, who was Connor’s “date” at the Oscars.  It was released by Verizon – stay with me, I’ll explain.  The four-and-a-half-minute short opens with Storrie, playing himself, arriving alone at a secluded home (dare I say, a cottage).  He uses his Verizon phone to unlock the door.  Suddenly we hear a crash of music, and he runs to turn off the stereo.  Then the alarm goes off.  He checks the doors to make sure they’re locked.  Suddenly the landline rings – but nobody’s there.  The lights go on outside, and he hears the automation say the doors are unlocking.  He checks his phone to find a text message saying, “I’m coming for you” and then “I’m here.”  He approaches the door and…well, just watch it on BillyMasters.com.

When we’re bringing you Connor’s crack and Jay’s johnson, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Like our subjects, this column was overstuffed and long.  You can always get more by checking out BillyMasters.com – the site that never scrimps on size.  For your more personal needs, just do what Tyler did when he was just a tyke.  Drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Kristi’s husband competes on RuPaul’s Drag Race.  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

While promoting Project Hail Mary, Ryan Gosling revealed that one of the biggest inspirations as an actor came from the daytime drama Days of our Lives.  “When Marlena, Deidre Hall, gets possessed…it was an incredible acting class.”  When Hall heard about this, she went online and extended an invitation.  “Hi Ryan, this is an open invitation to visit the Days of our Lives set.  Nobody will be possessed.”   In record time, Gosling responded.  “Deidre Hall, are you kidding me?  Yes, I will be there to thank you in person for being my OG acting inspiration.  It wasn’t Marlon Brando in On the Waterfront, it wasn’t DeNiro in Taxi Driver.  It was you.  I’m not worried about the possession.  I’ll say a Hail Mary before I get there.  I’ll be fine.  See you on set.” 

In case Deidre Hall and Ryan Gosling weren’t strange bedfellows, let me direct your attention to Daniel Radcliffe, who is currently knocking ‘em dead with Every Brilliant Thing on Broadway.  Since this is a solo show (with copious amounts of audience participation), the casting of his replacement is tricky.  Someone with the right set of skills was needed.  Drama, comedy and improv.  Naturally, the first person who came to mind was…Mariska Hargitay!  This will mark Hargitay’s Broadway debut.  It should be noted that her mom, Jayne Mansfield, made her Broadway debut in 1955 at the tender young age of 22.  When Mariska takes over on May 26^th, she’ll be 62.

We interrupt this column to bring you a message from Scott Baio: “When my wife says that people are trolls towards her and our daughter, she’s not lying.  Let me be clear…its a shame that people (especially women) tear down my daughter’s prom pictures.  Bailey is a natural born blonde with blue eyes, like her mother.  They are both born natural blondes.  Bailey highlights around her face since moving to Florida.  If you watched the movie Courting Mom & Dad she had to have her natural blond hair darker to ‘play’ my daughter.  (Ironic, right).  So please, stop being mean towards my daughter.  Stop it!”  I think the younger Baio’s hair looks fine.  But, who picked out that hideous prom dress?  Doesn’t she have any gay friends?  With Chachi as her dad, I’m guessing no.

The last thing I would expect Nicole Scherzinger to do is reunite with The Pussycat Dolls.  After a triumphant run in Sunset Boulevard on Broadway and in London – to say nothing of a handful of concerts in London, New York and Los Angeles – one expected her to be looking forward, not back.  Then came word that the Dolls were reuniting…as a trio, consisting of Scherzinger, Kimberly Wyatt and Ashley Roberts.  Wyatt explained, “The Pussycat Dolls have always been known for an ever-changing line-up.”  Nicole added, “After 20 years, you’re like, ‘Where is everybody?’  But for us, it aligned.”  Where they were was sitting home.  Original member Carmit Bachar says she was not invited.  Jessica Sutta said she didn’t know about a reunion until it was announced.  The PCD Forever tour will make its only LA stop at the Outloud Music Festival, which is part of WeHo Pride.

One of the years I hosted LA Pride, we had En Vogue as our headliners – and we had the four original members (fans know members come and go from this group with alarming regularity).  The ladies are touring this summer with TLC and Salt-N-Pepa, and we hear either Salt or Pepa or Spinderella had an issue with Rhona Bennett, who has been with En Vogue since 2003.  But now, Rhona is suddenly out and founding member Maxine Jones was back for the first time since 2012.  Everyone is saying it’s all just happenstance, but I ain’t buying it.  Anyway, this is the trio…for now.  Before you ask, I don’t know if Dawn Robinson is still living in her car.  I’ll get back to you.

“I would never have approved.  She sticks out so much
above the waist.  She was totally wrong to play me.” 
– Kim Novak shares thoughts on the casting of Sydney Sweeney in her proposed biopic.

Last week, the Ohio House of Representatives passed House Bill 249, which is called the Indecent Exposure Modernization Act.  It would outlaw people from wearing clothes and makeup designated for the opposite gender.  Now, of course, who is this targeting?  The bill does exclude performers in a “venue”, but woe be unto Gene Simmons if he tries to go to the concert hall in his KISS regalia.  Or Jared Leto from throwing on a bit of guyliner.  Or Adam Lambert from…well, even leaving the house!  But we stress that at this point, it’s not a law.  If Schoolhouse Rock taught us nothing, we know that it’s just a bill, yes it’s only a bill, and it’s sitting there on Ohio Capitol Hill.  It’s not yet a law.  It can hope and pray that it will, but today it is still just a bill.

I surely hope Kristi Noem’s husband isn’t planning to change planes in Cleveland anytime soon.  And, “change” is the operative word.  The story everyone who isn’t in the Cabinet is talking about is the photos of Kristi Noem’s husband.  If you don’t know, I’ll explain.  Bryon Noem – who is barely a looker as a guy – is dressed in some kind of leotard top stuffed with some enormous fake boobs (complete with nipples) and pink stretch pants.  He’s allegedly into “bimbofication” (which means exactly what you think) and has a penchant for interacting with online webcam girls.  Lydia Love, who works on CamSoda, said Bryon was a submissive who paid about $25/minute.  “He would try to talk more feminine.  His kink was yoga pants.”  However, Love said it could be very frustrating because he was not very good at being submissive.  With a wife like Kristi, that actually surprises me.  It should be noted that in 2022, when Mrs. Noem was governor of South Dakota, she signed an anti-trans bill into law.  At the time, she cited a study that over 90% of trans people are depressed.  When asked about this, she said, “That makes me sad and we should figure it out.”  I’m kinda surprised she didn’t recommend taking them outside and shooting them, but I guess she limits that punishment to four-legged creatures.  BTW, when this story about her hubby broke, Kristi asked for “privacy and prayers”.  The words “you reap what you sow” spring to mind.

We have time for a very quick Ask Billy question.  Darren in NYC asks, “I just caught the first episode of SNL UK.  Who was the cute guy who played Princess Diana?”

That would be Jack Shep, who is 25 years old and openly gay, which I’m sure comes as no surprise to any of my readers.  He started out doing skits on TikTok as a teen and has been working steadily.  He’s the youngest cast member on SNL UK and, while he did several skits in the premiere episode, his “Shy Di” in The Last Supper of David Attenborough went viral.  The following week he topped himself (if that’s possible) by playing the former Prince Andrew.  Needless to say, you can see both on BillyMasters.com.

When someone can play both Prince Andrew and Princess Diana, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Talk about range.  Of course, you can find a whole range of content on BillyMasters.com – the site that is truly versatile.  If you have a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before JoJo Siwa is cast as Grizabella!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

We interrupt this column to bring you a message from a real diva: “It has been an honour to sing and entertain my fans for over 70 years…At this point of time, I’m sorry to say, that due to up-and-coming hand surgery, I will no longer be able to reply to fan mail.  We kindly request for you to avoid sending vinyls, personal items and photographs, as we will be unable to post them back to you.  Your support has been incredible.  Every single letter I have received has been an honour.  All my love, Dame Shirley Bassey.”  Such a cold finger!

Another diva is poised to make a comeback.  Celine Dion is reportedly planning to return to the concert stage this fall.  Prior to the pandemic and her Stiff Person Syndrome diagnosis, Celine was scheduled to do a series of concerts at the Paris La Defense Arena as part of her Courage World Tour.  So it’s fitting that she’s planning on fulfilling those engagements as her return.  Last week, the City of Lights was canvassed with posters listing the titles of Dion’s songs.  We expect an announcement for the September and October concerts any time now.

Someone else is leaving the spotlight.  Dionne Warwick claims that her latest release will be her last.  DWuets is made up entirely of Diane Warren songs (Diane and Dionne both share the “DW” initials) and is produced by Warwick’s son, Damon Elliott.  But fear not, Warwick says while she’s bowing out of more recordings, she plans to continue to do intimate live dates.

By the by, Dionne told our pal Sherri Shepherd that Teyana Taylor has been signed to a biopic about the singer’s life.  Warwick said, “After meeting her, I said, ‘Oh, my, that’s my alter ego.’”  She also praised Taylor for speaking her mind and having no filter. 

People have been asking me if Sherri Shepherd has any plans once her talk show wraps.  She’s in the midst of her nationwide comedy tour (the full schedule can be found on SherriShepherd.com).  She’ll also join forces with Robin Roberts’ production company on a Lifetime film called Angel in the Rubble, which is based on Genelle Guzman, who was the last survivor pulled from the 9/11 rubble.  Sherri will not only be an executive producer on the film, she’ll also star as Genelle.  It will air in September to commemorate the 25^th anniversary of the attack.

Last week, previews began for the Broadway revival of The Rocky Horror Show.  As you know, the production is led by a very sexy Luke Evans as Frank-N-Furter, who in the released photos seemed to be wearing a black Lycra, high-thigh-cut bodysuit with a fishnet body stocking.  But in the video we got from one of the first previews, we can see the show indeed ends with him in a sexy corset and a black leather jock strap which quite clearly shows his penis bouncing about.  And, of course, you can follow the bouncing bob on BillyMasters.com.

We recently reported that Lea Michele will be leaving the Broadway production of Chess on June 21^st (days after she wins – or loses – a Tony Award).  When someone told me Lea would be replaced by JoJo, I was appalled.  Surely if there is anyone I’d like to see less in Chess, it’s JoJo Siwa.  Therefore, I’m both pleased and relieved to report that the actual replacement is Joanna “JoJo” Levesque.  This JoJo previously appeared on Broadway in Moulin Rouge!  The Musical.  And in one of those coincidences that people love so much, she went back into Moulin Rouge a second time for a 12-week run alongside her new Chess co-star, Aaron Tveit.

Picture it – Boston, 2019.  Faye Dunaway starred as Katharine Hepburn in the play Tea at Five at the Huntington Theatre.  She could have given a stupendous performance on opening night, but she was already loathed by everyone connected with the show – which is hard to do in a one-woman show.  Let’s just say the rehearsal period made the Master Class national tour look like a Disney show.  After Faye allegedly slapped a crew member, the possibility of a Broadway transfer disappeared.  Eventually, playwright Matthew Lombardo was able to see the absurdity of the situation and use it as a starting point for a new comedy – When Playwrights Kill.  This play is about a writer (the delightful Matt Doyle) of a play doing a pre-Broadway tryout starring a very difficult diva (the delicious Beth Leavel) who could jeopardize the entire venture.  How can the situation be salvaged?  You’ll have to see “When Playwrights Kill” to find out.  BTW, the stage manager is played by the ebullient Marissa Jaret Winokur.  And in a moment of art-imitating life-imitating art, the world premiere takes place at the Huntington Theatre in Boston!  It runs April 3^rd through the 18^th.  Grab tix at WhenPlaywrightsKillBoston.com.

“Hudson told me, ‘The other guy was good, but Connor
felt like he was going to pin me down and fuck me.” 
– Heated Rivalry creator Jacob Tierney explains how Storrie was cast. 
Why do straight guys always fantasize about getting fucked?

What a week it was.  As we go to press, one headline caught my eye: “Thieves steal 12 tons of KitKat chocolate bars in Europe”.  Isn’t that the type of story you’d click on?  Well, you don’t have to – I did.  The truck transporting the bars left Italy but never arrived in Poland.  Apparently, like all valuables, the bars are traceable via a “unique batch code”.  Nestle, which makes the product, made this statement: “Whilst we appreciate the criminals’ exceptional taste, the fact remains that cargo theft is an escalating issue for businesses of all sizes.”  Gimme a break.

Last week, the First Lady posed alongside an animatronic creation from Future AI which is touted as a revolutionary (if unaffordable) way to help students.  I was horrified.  I couldn’t believe that this cold, mechanical being with no feelings or emotions was standing there in the White House – next to a robot!

A couple of people from our community faced health struggles that led to hospitalization.  First up was Sam Champion, who got a surprise after a nuclear stress test (and you thought the nukes were in Iran).  The results were concerning enough to have him undergo treatment in the cardiac catheterization laboratory at Mount Sinai Medical Center in NYC.  We hear he’s doing well and wish him a speedy recovery.

Then there’s Perez Hilton, a name I haven’t heard in eons.  He posted some troubling photos from Southern Hills Hospital in Las Vegas (he moved there in 2023).  Apparently it started with a bout of the flu – which fells so many seniors these days.  Believe it or not, it was the medication which led to a 21-day hospital stay.  “I have been taking all this medication without food for weeks, I developed an ulcer then a perforation and then sepsis.”  See?  Let that be a lesson to you all – never deny yourself food!  Perez had laparoscopic surgery, then had fluid in his lungs, and then a heart issue, and finally, catheterization.  None of it sounds pretty, but it had a curious result – Hilton decided to enroll his kids in Catholic school.  A curious choice.  I’d suggest eat more, pray less.  But I’m practical that way.

There’s a mixed bag of news from my pal, Chip Arndt (of Chip and Reichen, the first gay winners of The Amazing Race).  Last May, he found out he had HPV-positive cancer affecting his tonsils, throat and back of tongue.  He recent related his experience in detail on Facebook which included intense chemo and radiation treatments.  Results have been promising, and he hasn’t lost his sense of humor: “I’m feeling great even though I’ve lost 40 pounds through it all.  Chemo is very effective to losing weight but not a recommended go to method.”  In a post-surgical post, he shares a philosophy: “Reminder: We all have our shite and we also have each other!  Never feel you’re alone or a burden to others.  When in doubt just reach out and I promise that you’ll be amazed with the support that follows!!  PROMISE!  Onward we go, together!!!”  Team Chip all the way.

I don’t know if this last item is a health concern, but Tiger Woods was back in the news for what appears to be a rerun.  I don’t have much to say, except I’d dissuade any of my readers from accepting a ride from him.

I can only pray this week’s Ask Billy question is the last word on the 2026 award season.  Michael in Los Angeles asks, “What was the story of the Heated Rivalry guys at the Oscars?”

Connor and Hudson were at the CAA Pre-Oscar Party.  Only Hudson went to the Oscars, but he was reunited with Connor at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party (should anyone think it is a snub, he had a scheduling conflict – same reason Hudson skipped the formerly SAG Awards).  Since I know straight guys read this column religiously, let me give you a tip (just the tip): if you are somewhat less physically defined than the person you are posing next to who is also wearing a sheer top, cover up.  We’ll refrain from discussing Connor’s hand in a muff.  But, Hudson, in the name of all that is holy, skip the trains!  All night, Williams was in danger of recreating Isadora Duncan’s final moments (look it up).  And, fret not, Francois was there as well – as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.  By the by, don’t believe the rumors – Connor didn’t leave the party to hook up with Troye Sivan.  As if.  They just happened to both be leaving at the same time.

When I’m giving fashion tips to straight guys, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  I want to send out my best wishes to Ann-Margret.  Due to a broken elbow, she had to skip an appearance at a Lexington, Kentucky convention, saying, “I won’t be able to sign anything!”  But compared to Liza, she’s the picture of health!  For more gossip, you can sign on to BillyMasters.com – the site that’ll never leave you hanging.  If you have any questions, send a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Feinstein latches onto Ann-Margret!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Lea Michele has announced that she’ll be leaving the Broadway revival of Chess.  Of course, that clever minx ain’t going anywhere until after the Tony Awards.  Her final show will be on June 21^st.  So I urge you to quickly grab your tickets now – for June 22^nd!  Her replacement is the biggest guessing game in New York.  The luminous Lena Hall did the concert which was the basis of this production, so she’s in contention – as is Karen Olivo, who did the DC run.  The funniest suggestion I’ve read online is that an offer should go out to Beanie Feldstein!

Last week, I got to spend time with the uber-talented, award-winning John McDaniel…TWICE.  First was a scrumptious brunch at Casablanca Café in Fort Lauderdale where we hung out with the spring breakers.  Days later, he invited me to see him and Tony-winner Lindsay Mendez at the Broadway in Worcester series (less than an hour outside of Boston).  I adored Lindsay in Merrily We Roll Along, but I was not prepared for the range and depth of her vocal ability.  She is phenomenal and her connection with the lyrics is mesmerizing.  I was honored to see her, and thanked the powers that be for having me.  Check them out at BroadwayInWorcester.com.

Didya know that Timothee Chalamet was up for the role of Spider-Man?  He was actually a finalist – but lost out to Tom Holland, who had the edge in the action sequences due to his years of ballet training for Billy Elliot, The Musical.  I think we’ve just uncovered what bug crawled up Timmy’s ass, so to speak.

Kevin Spacey had a busy week – in the legal sense.  He appeared in a Santa Monica courthouse as part of a convoluted scheme.  Arbitration ruled that he owed the House of Cards production company $31 million for holding up production.  If he would turn over medical records and testify to their insurance company that he had to leave the show for a documented medical reason, they would reduce the fee to one million.  He took the deal and took the stand.  He pointed to errors in the medical records, saying, “They’re under the impression I have a British accent and have a wife.”  Although he did go to a rehab facility, he was adamant that he was ready and willing to work.  When asked about the diagnosis, he said, “They had in fact diagnosed me as sexually compulsive.  I can’t professionally dispute that, but I can personally dispute it.”

What he’s no longer disputing are the sexual assault charges against him in London.  You’ll recall that the UK television documentary Spacey Unmasked revealed allegations against him from numerous men.  Three of those were taking him to court for sexual assault.  But days after his appearance in Santa Monica came the headlines: “Kevin Spacey Settles With Sexual Assault Accusers Before London Trial”.  As part of the settlement, details are under wraps, and there is no admission of guilt.  But where in God’s name will he get the money to pay them?

Also appearing in court was Lil NasX.  This is stemming from his late-night stroll through Studio City in his scanties.  The charge is felony police battery after he allegedly assaulted the cop who arrested him.  His lawyer wants to transfer the felony battery case to a mental health diversion program.  This would mean the charges would be dismissed, and Nas would do community service or some kind of rehab.  The judge will hear this motion on April 6^th.  After the hearing, Nas made a brief statement.  “All I wanted to say is to my fans, I really love and I miss you, and I appreciate your support so much, and I can’t wait to be back hugging you guys.”  Tell that to the cop!

Does nobody vet The Bachelorette?  You’ve got this Taylor Frankie Paul – who is a woman despite having three male names!  She came from The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, so she’s got baggage.  While ABC knew she had some “domestic issues” in the past, last week a video surfaced of her hitting her ex-husband and throwing a bar stool at him – which somehow hit her daughter!  Her ex called the cops saying, “My daughter was hit in the head with the stool”.  Mrs. Paul was arrested and pleaded guilty to one count of aggravated assault.  Yup, that’s who ABC thinks of as a catch!  The entire season was pulled, and a rerun of American Idol was aired.  Bachelorette or Seacrest?  Same thing.  ABC stands to lose $90 million – or basically the cost of 6 hours of war in Iran.

“I want to know how come Streisand was up there doing
that for Redford.  She only made one movie with him –
I made four!  I have more to say.” 
– Jane Fonda vents about the tribute to Robert Redford at the Oscars.
She’s correct, but there’s one difference – Barbra appears in public less
often than Punxsutawney Phil.  Fonda is out several times a week.

Where to begin?  I guess we should start with the big story of the week – Liza’s memoir is out.  In the preface, Michael Feinstein writes, “Liza is a genius of manipulation.”  If that’s the case, this book is her masterpiece.  I should probably say “his” masterpiece.  After all, it says right on the cover “As told to Michael Feinstein”.  Believe it or not, there are people out there who think Liza sat down with a pencil and legal pad and wrote this book.  There are others who don’t believe she could hold a pencil!  But there’s no pretense – Liza told Michael stories, he wrote them down (or recorded them).  Then, writers Josh Getlin and Pulitzer Prize winner Heidi Evans wrote it.  And they are all credited.  No slight of hand or shenanigans here.

Let’s go to the debacle that was her book event in Los Angeles last week at the Million Dollar Theatre (fun fact – The Gumm Sisters performed there in 1930).  For $225, you got admission, two books, and a 48-minute show (there were a handful of $90 tickets – they only got one book).  Well, “show” is probably the wrong word.  Let’s call it what it was – a spectacle.  There were gay boy dancers, there was a woman in tights and a top hat, there were clips, there was razzamatazz.  After a flash of fire, two dancers clumsily turned a banner around and pushed forward Liza in a director’s chair.  You know those photos on Space Mountain when people look like they are plummeting to their death?  That’s the look Liza had as her chair spun around in front of a capacity crowd.  She rambled, she guffawed, she lost track of stories, she made loads of mistakes.  Feinstein would try to get her back on track for a heavily prepared punchline.  Sometimes she landed it.  Sometimes she appeared bewildered.  Throughout the show, she was slumped in her chair looking like she could slide off at any minute.  She blames it on “my rotten spine”.  The most ill-advised moment was when she “sang” a bit of “Our Love Is Here To Stay” (seen on BillyMasters.com).  And then it was over.  Some people kvelled that they saw a star.  Others were concerned for her well-being.  And others simply called it “sad”.  Within hours, a similar event in NYC was cancelled due to “illness”.  I can’t see her flying cross-country.  Strike that – I can’t see her getting through TSA!

Given his prominence as ringmaster of the events and billing in her memoir, people point their accusatory fingers at Michael Feinstein.  The terms “enabler”, “opportunist”, and “elder abuse” are bandied about as frequently as praise for him standing by her side and trying to protect.  One insider told me, “This is what’s keeping her going…She wants it very badly.”  The rationale being it would be so much worse if Feinstein weren’t around.  Perhaps, but sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is to tell them no. 

You think you’ll never mention someone ever again, and then a story about Richard Hatch pops up.  The winner of the first Survivor was speaking to Tim Murphy on The Caftan Chronicles (I won’t say it), and discussed his 34-year-old boyfriend – and, for those of you interested, Hatch is 64.  You’d think the fact that his boyfriend never saw Survivor would be the lead, but no.  “He’s 100% versatile, so he’s constantly wanting me to fuck him, but I’m a bottom.  Yeah, a totally bottom.  He teases me about that.”  Far be it from me to add to that.

I wish I could tell you I’ve ever seen Finding Mr. Christmas.  I know what it is, having a best friend who is a Hallmark aficionado, but I simply never felt inclined to tune in.  However, I’m told that Robbie Simpson was a contestant on season 2 (some call him a breakout star).  He’s engaged.  Again, not the lead.  Where did they meet?  In line to get tickets for Broadway Bares in June of 2023!  His fiancé, Kyle Pollak, explained, “Saying yes to marrying him was the easiest decision I have ever made.  I asked Robbie to be my boyfriend, so it was his turn to pop this next question.”  Robbie proposed in Australia overlooking Sydney Harbour and somehow People magazine was there to cover the blessed event.  Funny how that happens.

In other romantic news, Chaz Bono married his childhood sweetheart – a statement that I cannot even begin to unpack.  The then-Chastity met Shara Blue Mathes when they were teenagers studying at the Lee Strasberg Theatre & Film Institute.  They reconnected in 2017 and began their romance.  “I think it’s safe to say that not many grooms ultimately end up marrying the very first girl they ever kissed so many years later.”  Most grooms can’t say a whole lotta things this couple can.  And, despite what other less reputable scribes predicted, Chaz’s mother Cher did indeed attend the ceremony – sporting a big diamond ring on her so-called “ring finger”.  And, being Cher, she just happened to photobomb the couple as they cut the cake, the video of which can be found on BillyMasters.com.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Kip in Chicago: “I’ve heard for several years that Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos are trying to resurrect All My Children.  Any update?”

You are correct – the daytime duo has been trying to get a network deal to bring the show back, with no luck.  But, they’ve pivoted.  As Ripa revealed on her podcast, “Mark and I and our production company, we are developing two All My Children movies for Lifetime.  Woo.  We are so excited.”  While I’m always leery of any venture that attempts to come back in a different format, this sounds like it could work – especially since they’re courting the services of Susan Lucci.  “Well, certainly with Mark and Kelly producing, I know that I would be in good hands, and being in good hands is central to my answer to this question, because the writing is so important…And of course, if everything was in place, if they were really going to do this, I would certainly want to be part of it.”  So that sounds like a tentative “Maybe”.  And I think we all know, if Lucci says no, the films won’t get made.

When Richard Hatch being a bottom is news, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  I was just thinking – Chaz’s wife’s name is Shara Blue Mathes.  Chaz’s brother’s name is Elijah Blue Allman.  Interesting, n’est ce pas?  For more insights like this, check out BillyMasters.com – the site that’ll never make you blue.  For your gossip needs, dash off a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Barbra replaces Maya in Oh, Mary!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

A bunch of “luminaries” (for lack of a better word) will find themselves in the unemployment line.  NBCUniversal is leaving the first-run syndication business, which means the end of Access Hollywood, Access Live, Karamo and The Steve Wilkos Show – a show I never ever heard of.  Curious that after Karamo skipped promoting the final season of Queer Eye, he ended up out of work just like the rest of the guys.

Well, not exactly.  Antoni Porowski is showing off his new gig as model for SAXX Underwear – once again, something I’ve never even heard of.  Nonetheless, he looks quite fetching in his scanties – or, more to the point, they look good on him.  The variety of wrapping of his package is quite appealing, as seen on BillyMasters.com.

Carson Kressley was recently a guest on Today with Jenna & Sheinelle.  They asked him for his take on the turmoil surrounding the outgoing Queer Eye cast.  Aside from calling the experience of making that series “very intense”, he added this: “I don’t know the circumstances.  There is such a great cast.  It’s a great show.  And I think the quality of the show and the great work they do transcends any little drama that might have happened.”  Then he dropped a little bombshell of his own.  When the original Devil Wears Prada movie was being cast, he claims to have been asked audition for a role.  But, when push came to shove, they went in a different direction.  “They said, ‘Oh God, you’re great, we love you, but we can’t have somebody who’s never been in a movie in the scene with Meryl Streep.  That might be too big of a gamble.’  So I didn’t get it…Damn you, Stanley Tucci!  Thanks for ruining my career.”  And you wonder why we’re still talking about Carson Kressley 25 years later?

Before we leave Queer Eye behind (for now), former Fab-Fiver Bobby Berk weighed in on the controversy.  “It’s sad that clearly stuff was going on, but yeah, I decided to leave at a time that was right for me.  And, of course, I’m sad that there was any drama surrounding the show because the show, I think, has such a great legacy of helping people.”  It should be noted that Berk is hosting HGTV’s Junk or Jackpot?, which makes him the only Queer still on the air.

Speaking of Saturday Night Live alums, we have a truly special announcement to make.  Maya Rudolph will be the latest person to take on the role of Mary Todd Lincoln in Oh, Mary!.  “Oh, Mary! is the funniest play I have ever seen, and I have seen a lot of plays, you’d be surprised.  It’s such an honor to play the role of Mary, especially after so many iconic Marys have come before me.  So making my Broadway debut in the role of a lifetime – as a miserable, suffocated, alcoholic woman – is a real dream come true,” said Maya.  She begins her run on April 28^th and will stay with the show for eight weeks, ending on June 20^th. 

Not to be outdone, Chicago has announced its latest cast changes.  Currently in the revolving door of Roxie Hart is Whitney Leavitt, from The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives.  She will soon be reunited with her partner from Dancing with the Stars, Mark Ballas.  He will take on the role of Billy Flynn for a limited four-week run starting on April 5^th.  Ballas previously played Frankie Valli in Jersey Boys on Broadway and for portions of the national tour, and returned to the Great White Way playing Charlie in Kinky Boots.  I actually think Chicago will be his sweet spot – especially if they give Billy a tad more dancing than usual.

“Sean Penn couldn’t be here this evening or didn’t want to. 
So I’ll be accepting the award on his behalf.” 
– Kieran Culkin accepts Penn’s Best Supporting Actor Oscar.  Look, he was
married to Madonna and Robin Wright Penn – hasn’t he suffered enough?

These Oscars will go down as The Night They Drove Old Timmy Down.  Although, to be fair, voting was done long before the Chalamet scandal broke.  But, still, it brought a smile to my otherwise bored face.  As to the awards themselves, when you don’t care about the movies nominated, they kinda meander on by.

That said, I do have a few observations.  While I was sad that A Friend of Dorothy lost for Best Live Action Short Film, I was heartened when a hot guy who tied went up to accept the award.  Then he mentioned a girlfriend.  He had me, then he lost me.  Those KPop girls ripped off Charlie’s Angels.  Along those lines, I think Demi was molting.  I think we can all agree – Anna Wintour is not a laugh riot.  I question the wisdom of using precious satellite time to make a Basil Rathbone joke.  Speaking of dead people, a few notables were missing from the In Memoriam.  Sure, James Van Der Beek, Eric Dane and Malcolm-Jamal Warner are mostly known for television, but they also made films.  So did Olivia Hussey and Alain Delon.  They went on and on about Claudia Cardinale (who I adored), but what about Brigitte Bardot?  Aside from that, I thought it was handled well.  And I had a brilliant idea – perhaps Barbra’s next film could be a biopic about Sylvia Miles (look it up). 

Speaking of Barbra, it has just been announced that she will receive an Honorary Palme d’Or from the Cannes Film Festival.  She’s gonna need another shelf for all these “honorary” awards.

The Golden Globes didn’t let a little thing like the Academy Awards steal their thunder.  It’s been announced that Nikki Glaser will return next year to host her third Golden Globes.  The funny lady said, “I’m thrilled to host the Golden Globes for a third time, not only because it’s the greatest gig I’ve ever had, but because my sister has three kids and now we will be equal in the eyes of my parents and the Lord.”  In terms of hosting the Globes, Nikki is only bettered by Ricky Gervais (five times) and the dynamic duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler (four times).

Shia LaBeouf has defended his actions by explaining what precipitated a recent bar brawl in New Orleans.  “When I’m standing by myself and three gays are next to me touching my leg, I get scared.  I’m sorry.  If that’s homophobic, then I’m that.  Yeah…I’ll be honest with you: big gay people are scary to me.”  Because he wanted to make sure we know he’s not actually homophobic, he added, “I’m good with gay – be gay over there, though.  Don’t be gay in my lap.”  Where’s the fun in that?  I think he doesn’t actually understand what being gay means.

After two seasons, Apple TV has cancelled Palm Royale.  The first season received 11 Emmy nominations.  While a fan favorite, it only snagged a single win – for Outstanding Original Main Title Theme Music!  I guess they didn’t have a category for Outstanding Speedo in a Comedy!

One show bites the dust, one gets greenlit.  Jacob Tierney, who created Heated Rivalry, has signed a deal with Netflix for his next project – a limited series about Alexander the Great and his “relationship” with Aristotle.  Actually, it’s about a young Alexander – years before he became “great”.  This is how Netflix describes the show: “The drama begins as the Athenian empire is crumbling and the world’s greatest mind, Aristotle, arrives in Macedonia to tutor a volatile young prince, Alexander.  Amid palace intrigue, forbidden love, brutal war and ruthless ambitions, their unlikely friendship shapes an empire and alters the course of history.”  You had me at “forbidden love”.  Throw in a hockey puck, and I think we could call this Heated Hellenics!  By the by, it’s been rumored that Netflix passed on Heated Rivalry, which is how it ended up at Crave in Canada.

Longtime fan Sean from New York City contributes this week’s Ask Billy question: “Years ago, you introduced us to model Joseph Sayers.  Whatever happened to him?”

WOW – you are going back DECADES!  The last time anyone asked me about him was in 2007, at the height of his Abercrombie & Fitch fame.  But let’s go back – to his 18^th birthday when he was “discovered” (at some point he was working at Buffalo gay bar, Club Marcella – see our site for photos).  He met a photographer, Ed Flores, who convinced Sayers to do a number of “body shots” in a motel room.  These were reminiscent of the Bruce Weber style, which eventually led to working with Weber and being an A&F model.  Alas, Flores photographed every inch of Sayers’ body, which led to those photos being leaked online.  Eventually, we hear Sayers not only purchased back the rights to the photos, he also had new nudes taken around 2005 that were not only more representative of who he was at the time, but also he hoped took the focus off the earlier nudes.  His modeling career was primarily in print media due to his diminutive size (he’s 5’6”).  Sometime around 2008, he scaled back his modeling work and went to college, where he maintained a 3.86 GPA and was considering applying to medical school.  Around that time, he said young people experiment with sex too early, and that’s caused a drop in moral values.  And then the path goes cold.  But I’ve got some photos that could heat you right up – on BillyMasters.com.

When we’ve got Sayers coming and going, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  From the photos we have, Joey seems to get better with age.  The same could be said for BillyMasters.com – the site that always leaves you wanting more.  Which leads to a special announcement – we have an opening for a new proofreader.  What can I say?   I have a penchant for wearing people out!  If you’d like to join the glamorous Billy Masters team, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Sayers becomes my new proofreader!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Timothée Chalamet really stepped in it recently when he sat down with Matthew McConaughey for a town hall at the University of Texas sponsored by CNN and Variety.  Their connection?  McConaughey played Timmy’s dad in Interstellar – something I had to be reminded of (which is why I’m reminding you).  In the midst of discussing career choices, Chalamet said, “I don’t want to be working in ballet or opera, or, you know, things where it’s like ‘hey, keep this thing alive,’ even though it’s like no one cares about this anymore – all respect to the ballet and opera people out there.  I just lost 14 cents in viewership.”  This caused quite an uproar – not because of the appalling and nonsensical grammar.  I think the best retort came from the head of the New York City Ballet: “It’s not even the idea that he dissed ballet and opera that bothers me; it’s the suggestion that he had the talent and aptitude to pursue these Olympic-level artistic fields in the first place.”  Thank God he has the skill for ping pong!

Our pal Fran Drescher plays Timmy’s mom in Marty Supreme.  She was interviewed on the red carpet for the SAG Awards, which are now called the Actor Awards.  E! asked Drescher (who looked sensational) if she would officiate Chalamet and Kylie Jenner’s wedding – not that they’re even engaged.  “I do officiate gay weddings, so I certainly can branch out and officiate this if they wanted me to, but I have a feeling they’re not going to ask.”

What would a column be without some political news.  No, not the fact that El Presidente took Kristi Noem out in back of the White House and put her out of her misery like Old Yeller.  It’s that Ke$ha is speaking out against the administration for using her song “Blow” in their promotional video for the war in Iran.  “It’s come to my attention that The White House has used one of my songs on TikTok to incite violence and threaten war.  Trying to make light of war is disgusting and inhumane.  I absolutely do NOT approve of my music being used to promote violence of any kind.  Love always trumps hate, please love yourself and each other in times like this.  This shows blatant disregard for human life and quite frankly this attack on all of our nervous systems is the opposite of what I stand for.”  Then she went for the jugular: “Also, don’t let this distract us from the fact that criminal predator Donald Trump appears in the Files over a million times.  Stop using my music, perverts @WhiteHouse.”