Category Archives: Breaking

Bond In The Buff

Our Ask Billy question comes from Simon in London: “Will Daniel Craig really show all in his final outing as James Bond?  That’s the rumor I’ve heard.  And what do you hear about the film?  I HATE the song.”

I recently told someone that the theme song needs to be Bassey-fied.  As to the film, I know very little except that Mr. Craig will not show all.  However, Craig has previously shown his naughty bits fleetingly in several films – most notably in Some Voices.  I’ve always contended that it’s unfair to judge a flaccid penis running around on the set.  Perhaps it was chilly.  And maybe, just maybe, it’s a grower.  Decide for yourself on BillyMasters.com.


When 007’s penis is for your eyes only, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Of course, you can see Daniel Craig and so many others on www.BillyMasters.com, the where members see members.  Just to keep you all in the loop, I will be heading to South Beach for the National LGBTQ Task Force’s Winter Party Festival.  The festivities take place March 4-10, and I’m told that discounted tickets are practically sold out.  So what are you waiting for?  Get over to WinterParty.com.  If you’ve got a question for me, send it to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Spider-man and Batman hook-up.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

 

Is Spidey Straight

Some sources are claiming that the next Spider-man film will include a boyfriend…for the superhero!  I have my doubts this will happen, but here’s how the rumor got started.  Way back in 2013, Andrew Garfield said the following: “What if [Spider-man’s girlfriend] is a dude?  Why can’t we discover that Peter is exploring his sexuality?  It’s hardly even groundbreaking!  So why can’t he be gay?  Why can’t he be into boys?”  Andrew brought this idea up to the producers and they balked.  However, the current rumor claims that Sony is so eager for Garfield to return to the franchise, they’d now consider a bi-Spidey.  We’ll see…

A clip recently dropped of Robert Pattinson as Batman.  Well, they say it’s Robert Pattinson as Batman, but who really knows.  Were there no lights on this set?  Even a flashlight?  ‘Cause, for all I know, it could be J-Lo in that Batman suit!  I suppose it’s possible that Pattinson has figured out how to say “I’m Batman” in that husky, Brenda Vaccaro type of voice.  But, physically, he seems to ooze all the raw masculinity of a young Kristy McNichol.

 

Wendy’s Latest Woes

During a discussion of women celebrating Galentine’s Day instead of Valentine’s Day, Wendy Williams found herself in hot water.  “Well, first of all, if you’re a man and you’re clapping, you’re not even a part of this.  You don’t even understand the rules of the day.  It’s women going out and getting saucy and then going back home.  You’re not a part.”  Fine.  Then she added, “I don’t care if you’re gay. You don’t get a mensie every 28 days.  You can do a lot that we do, but I get offended by the idea that we go through something you will never go through.”  And here comes that extra step.  “And stop wearing our skirts and our heels.  Just sayin’.  Girls, what do we have for ourselves?”  Suddenly people began accusing Wendy of being homo- or transphobic (a few supporters felt she was defending the “appropriation of womanhood”).  The next day, Wendy made a video in which she apologized and expressed love for her LGBTQ+ fans.

Rarely is Wendy applauded for her philanthropy.  I’m sure you’ve all seen the video of the Texas stripper who fell from a 15-foot pole – and then twerked herself off stage!  Believe it or not, strippers don’t have great insurance – even with Obamacare!  Williams had the gal on her show, and pointed out that perhaps the club should pay the medical bills since it was a work-related injury.  Since the stripper ain’t getting back on the pole and wants to finish going to beauty school, Wendy gave her $10K towards her studies.  Brava.

Pamela and Peters

If they go the swimsuit route, the Academy might wanna enlist the aid of Pamela Anderson.  The former Baywatch babe is back in the headlines because of Jon Peters.  You’ll recall Peters came to notoriety in Hollywood courtesy of Barbra Streisand – because Babs and Pam have so much in common!  I had no clue Jon and Pam even knew each other, let alone got married!  Apparently they didn’t know each other that well – the marriage lasted all of 12 days (thus beating the record of shortest marriage held by Ethel Merman and Ernest Borgnine, for my older fans).  According to Peters, Pamela is in hock up to her areolas, and he believes she married him to help pay off $200K of debt.  Correct me if I’m wrong – can’t Pamela make that in an hour with some Arab sheik?  I can’t believe that the only way Pam can earn money is by marrying someone.  Where’s Hef when you need him?

Inside Calvin Harris

Our Ask Billy question comes from Roger in Detroit: “I get a very gay feeling about [celebrity DJ] Calvin Harris.  Maybe it’s ‘cause he’s so hot.  But why did he stop doing underwear ads?  And do you have anything hotter?”

I first became aware of Calvin when billboards started popping up around Los Angeles featuring his torso and his name – an odd way of promoting a DJ.  But we’re in a time when one cannot be a great DJ or painter or aluminum siding installer without having a 6-pack and pecs.  Or maybe that’s just what I look for in someone banging around my home.  With that notoriety came the underwear spread for Armani.  That was around the same time as his liaison with Taylor Swift – such a fine judge of heterosexual men.  Perhaps coincidentally, the Armani campaign ended when Calvin’s relationship with Taylor went kaput.  Still, it made him comfortable enough in his skin to take more candid shots – such as the one on his manager’s birthday when he was just standing there in his fully-packed boxer briefs (he being Harris).  We’ve gotten a peek at what’s inside those briefs and, while most DJs specialize in 12-inches, Calvin’s sporting a good, solid eight inches – hard.  Oh, yes – very hard.  And veiny.  And, lest you question the veracity of the photo, our forensic experts insist that certain moles on that distinctive torso line up perfectly with this photo.  Check it out for yourself on BillyMasters.com.


When nothing comes between me and my Calvin, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  What a long night!  I must confess, I’m exhausted.  But let me quickly remind you to check out www.BillyMasters.com, the site that’ll perk you up.  If you have a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Liza gets out of that chair!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

No Sex for Hilton

Last month, Perez Hilton bemoaned to an Australian journalist how difficult it is for him to find love.  “The overwhelming majority of gay men don’t like me.”  He also disclosed that hasn’t even had sex since 2006.  As it happens, that was the year I started having more sex than ever before.  Apparently I did it (and them) to make up for those less fortunate…and I’m always happy to oblige.  Alas, it only got worse for Mr. Hilton.  The Australian interview was a prelude to his appearance on the country’s version of I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!  And out of here he got, basically storming out of the jungle and accusing another celebrity…wait for it…of bullying!  “For some reason he had it out for me,” says Hilton – virtually the same accusation he’s gotten from countless real celebs.  Sometimes nice guys do finish first – but I usually try to wait until the others finish.

Liza and the Chair

I’m assuming most of you don’t read Variety religiously.  So it follows that most of you didn’t see the photo of Liza Minnelli on the cover of the magazine’s Oscars issue.  If you did, you would have seen a youthful-appearing Minnelli, clutching an Oscar to her bosom, perched high upon a director’s chair, with one leg precariously swinging over the arm.  This is in sharp contrast to the Liza who is usually captured by the paparazzi having enormous difficulty walking, and who approaches stairs as if she’s being asked to negotiate a medieval gauntlet.  Which begs the question – how many people did it take to get Liza into this unusual position?  And is she still stuck in the chair?  The interview really seems secondary, but it did provide one illuminating moment.  Given her protection of her mother’s image, and the fact that Renée Zellweger was nominated for (and ultimately won) an Oscar for playing her, the topic had to come up.  Minnelli admits to not seeing (and having no interest in seeing) the flick, but graciously added, “I hope she had a good time making it.”  Now could someone please help me out of this chair??!!

Inside the Oscars

“Thank you.  I will drink until next morning.”  
Bong Joon-Ho, winner of Best Director for Parasite.

When people look back on the 2020 Oscars…well, God only knows what they’ll think.  Here’s my general thought – confusion.  Every time someone popped up around the theatre to introduce a segment, I was bewildered.  First off, I had no idea where to look.  It was like a celebrity version of Where’s Waldo – minus the celebrities.  Who were these people?  I suppose using lesser performers made sense.  You couldn’t have Diane Ladd hanging on for dear life from the rafters.  I will definitely remember some of the outstanding performances.  How fabulous was Cynthia Erivo wailing “Stand Up” from Harriet?  Even better, how fabulous was Cynthia keeping her gaze on the camera circling her to the commercial break?  As great as she was and as great as the song was, I have to give it up to Elton – especially after his kick-ass rendition of “(I’m Gonna) Love Me Again”.  Admittedly, he had to look at music and lyrics (it’s not a song he’s performed often), but it was touching to see him and Bernie Taupin win their first Oscar.

Let me give a warning to any future award show singers – don’t go anywhere near Rita Wilson with a microphone.  She’s got sheet music in her purse and is ready to hit the stage.  Chris Rock and Steve Martin showed how valuable comedians are to an awards show.  But, it’s not as easy as you think.  The night before the Oscars, the two were at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and tried out their routine – including several jokes which didn’t make it to air.  I believe James Corden and Rebel Wilson are carrying the mantle of Bob Barker by reminding us to spay and neuter our pets.  I do have one question – do Maya Rudolph and Kristen Wiig have no gay friends?  Not even one?

Without a doubt, the winner of the Faye Dunaway Award for Award Presentation is Diane Keaton.  My God, the only thing she didn’t do was exclaim La La Land!  It’s sad when Keanu is the coherent one.  On the flip side, Martin Scorsese always looks like he’s having such a good time – even when he lost Best Director.  Lastly, after the first award of the night, I wouldn’t be surprised if the Scientologists had Tom Cruise on suicide watch.

Who Makes History

Meanwhile across the pond, Doctor Who is making history.  For those of you who don’t know, the titular character of the venerable series has been played by 13 actors since 1963.  I read an article that Doctor Who is being played by Jodie Whittaker.  Well, I got all excited – the little boy from Family Affair finally got a gig!  Then I realized Johnny Whitaker PLAYED Jody (with a Y) on the show, twin to Buffy who died of an overdose as a teen.  This Jodie Whittaker is a woman, and she’s been Doctor Who since 2017.  The person playing the latest incarnation is actually Jo Martin, which is historic because Jo is the first Doctor Who of color (to say nothing of a female Doctor Who of color).  And how clever of the Brits to do this right in the middle of Brexit and Megxit.

By the by, guess who returned to Doctor Who?  Our very own John Barrowman – as Captain Jack, naturally.  Why did it take Barrowman 10 years to rejoin to the franchise?  Apparently the previous showrunner was not a fan.  However, Chris Chibnall was recently hired – and he had previously been the showrunner for Torchwood (the Doctor Who spin-off starring Barrowman as Captain Jack).  So that led the way to his return.  Although Barrowman’s appearance was a one-off, I am told he could be back in the future.

Inside Matt Gutman

Every once in a while, someone asks me if Matt Gutman is gay.  Can’t blame them – he’s the hottest reporter this side of Chris Cuomo’s wet T-shirt during a hurricane.  Unfortunately, Matt is married with children.   However, he recently made news – or, rather, he made fake news.  He mistakenly announced on live TV that Kobe Bryant was killed with all four of his children.  Ouch!  Although he later corrected the error, the damage was done.  ABC suspended him for an undisclosed period of time.  To help you over the hump, we’ve found some hot photos of Matt – the most interesting featuring him between fellow reporters David Muir and Gio Benitez.  Then there’s one where he shows off his vacation beard.  I know my readers will enjoy the footage of Matt showing off his tight Gutman.  ‘Cause that’s what we do at BillyMasters.com.

Aaron Hernandez

Many of you have asked me about the Netflix docuseries, Killer Inside: The Mind of Aaron Hernandez.  There’s been a lot of criticism that the show focuses too much on the former tight end’s sexual orientation.  It even kicks off with the song “I’m Always Chasing Rainbows”.  Subtle.  In addition to his brain injuries, there is conjecture that his being outed on the radio led to his suicide two days later (an allegation echoed by Aaron’s brother).  The doc spent an inordinate amount of time blaming his violent tendencies on his internal sexual conflict.

I’ve previously told you the allegations of former Marine, Dennis SanSoucie.  He claims to have had a “relationship” with Aaron from 7th grade until they were juniors in high school.  He also states that while Hernandez didn’t want to be gay, he “participated” with many people.  “I was a small piece of Aaron’s sexual activity.”  And yet, to the best of my knowledge, no other “participants” have come forward.  Dennis says Aaron was terrified of his father finding out.  “Mr. Hernandez was well-known as a man’s man; a father that slapped the faggot right out of you.”  However, Mr. Hernandez died when his son was 16.  It seems that rather than free Aaron, it made him snap.  Of course, his mother shacking up with his favorite cousin’s husband probably didn’t help.

I don’t think the doc ever mentioned Aaron having beards or girlfriends – aside from his fiancée, Shayanna Jenkins.  In a recent interview, Shayanna weighed in on all the speculation.  “You can’t describe someone’s sexuality without them being here.  Although I’ve had a child with Aaron, I still can’t tell you what he was feeling inside.”  Her words came back to me during a sequence in the documentary where they played a prison call between the couple.  When he mentions being in “an all-male jail…besides ‘those things’”, Shayanna chastises him.  “Stop calling them ‘those things’.  Stop it.  That is so rude.  They are called transgender.  Don’t call them ‘those things’.”  When Aaron giggles and says that’s what the other inmates call them, Shayanna says, “Don’t be hopping on the bandwagon.  Be a leader.  They are not ‘things’.  They are humans – just like you.”  Regarding his sexuality, Shayanna says, “If he did feel that way, or if he felt the urge, I wish that I was told.  I wish that he would have told me because I wouldn’t have loved him any differently.  I would have understood.  It’s not shameful.”

In an ironic codicil, the docuseries ends with footage from Aaron’s funeral – at the Faggas Funeral Home.

 

Super Bowl 2020

 

“I better hear no lip-syncing tomorrow.”  
Lady Gaga, from the stage of her Miami show on All Super Bowls Eve
She added, “I love you, J. Lo.  I love you Shakira.” 
I think she may love them a little less today.  Shakira didn’t even attempt to hide her lip-syncing,
while Lopez stuck to her strengths and spent most of her stage time pole dancing.

My favorite part of the Super Bowl is the commercials.  This year, we had Molly Ringwald hawking avocados, Winona Ryder doing something in the snow, MC Hammer selling Cheetos, a Queer Eye pushing Pop Tarts, Ellen and Portia extolling the virtues of Alexa, and a trio of Bostonians (Chris Evans, John Krasinski and Rachel Dratch) endorsing Hyundai.  I was excited when I heard Sofia Vergara was in a commercial called, “When We Come Together”.  Alas, it was nothing like I expected.

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Then there was the spot for Sabra hummus starring Kim Chi and Miz Cracker.  Many media outlets reported that this was the first time drag queens appeared in a Super Bowl commercial.  Not true.  Way back during the 2000 Super Bowl, RuPaul starred in a commercial for WebEx, a video conferencing site.  Since the supermodel of the world wasn’t yet a household name, the commercial began with her saying, “This meeting is a real drag”.  Check it out on BillyMasters.com.

I warn you – if you have peanut allergies…stop reading this column…FOREVER.  It was widely reported that Planters was killing off Mr. Peanut.  In a commercial that aired pre-Super Bowl, we saw the mascot in a car accident, willingly falling to his death to save his two friends (Wesley Snipes and Matt Walsh).  A follow-up commercial featuring his funeral ran just before halftime.  At Mr. Peanut’s burial, he was sent off by other famous mascots, including Mr. Clean and Kool-Aid Man.  When the latter stood over the grave crying, “Oh, yeah”, his tear seemed to resurrect the legume.  Out sprang Baby Nut, asking, “Where’s my monocle?”  So, yes, he’s back.

Aaron Carter’s Candy

Here we are, at the end of January 2020, and I haven’t published a celebrity nude OR an Ask Billy question.  Well, brace yourselves – we’ve got one of each this week.  First up, Aaron Carter.  Last year, there was that quickie webcam glimpse we got of his nether regions.  This year, several shots of his penis at full staff surfaced – and I swear it has nothing to do with the Navy.  But you can salute it at BillyMasters.com.

Swapping With the Houghs

Our Ask Billy question is about a subject I’d been following.  Mark in Boston writes, “On Gavin Degraw’s podcast, Julianne Hough’s husband Brooks Laich recently said that he is taking a break from their marriage to ‘really dive into his sexuality’.  WTF?  He’s really hot, so if you have any nude photos, that would be great, too.”

You may recall last year, Julianne defined herself as “not straight” – and I will once again remind you that this “not straight” woman once dated Ryan Seacrest…who I always thought was using Julianne to get to Derek, but that’s another story.  Recently, Julianne’s hubby, hockey player Brooks Laich, posted on Instagram some of his goals for 2020: “I want to learn more about intimacy and my sexuality”.  Perhaps he should call Ryan…or Derek.  Needless to say, his comment to Degraw (on the podcast they co-host) didn’t surprise me.  I wouldn’t be surprised if at the end of his exploration, he learned that he’s just a little bit gay.  Still, I don’t think that’s a deal breaker for Julianne.  Alas, no nudes have surfaced thus far.  But he’s hot enough shirtless for me to run some of those pics on BillyMasters.com.


When Julianne could possibly be someone’s beard…again, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Here’s something interesting – when I was researching the Ask Billy question, I was shocked to find a staggering number of photos of Brooks Laich all over Gavin Degraw.  You don’t think…nah, too easy.  Speaking of easy, check out the latest news and nudes on www.BillyMasters.com, the site that’s a sure thing.  If you have a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before one of those nude sailors competes on Dancing with the Stars.  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Seamen Exposed

Should any of my readers have a cruise in their future, might I suggest packing a life jacket?  Last week, someone plummeted to their death on an Atlantis cruise.  This incident took place in San Juan, Puerto Rico – and may I say on behalf of the gay community, we’re sorry.  Haven’t those poor people in Puerto Rico suffered enough?  My sources say it wasn’t actually a passenger – it was a 46-year-old resident of Naples, Florida who was working for Atlantis.  He allegedly wrote a suicide note and jumped from the 10th story of Royal Caribbean’s Oasis of the Seas.

Elsewhere at sea, the US Navy is investigating a series of videos of sailors taken in a bathroom.  Allegedly, dozens of service members were surreptitiously videotaped, and the footage was leaked to Pornhub (the clips have since been removed).  The theory is that the videos were taken through a peephole…shades of Erin Andrews.  Of the sailors still in uniform, some have their name badges clearly visible.  The videos also include some civilians – which begs the question, where is this bathroom with civilians frolicking with nude sailors?

 

Yo-Yo Dieting

I barely know who Calum Scott is, and yet I identify with him.  The Britain’s Got Talent winner took to social media to discuss his weight fluctuation whilst on the road.  He posted three shirtless pics from his 2018 tour which were only weeks apart but showed a drastic difference in definition.  He added “I always yo-yo with my weight because I love wine and carbs but I learned that that’s ok.  It’s about making sure you train hard and eat well, then the treats are well deserved.  Who is getting fit in 2020?”  He had me till he mentioned training hard and eating well!

Perhaps Calum Scott should have a conversation with Jessica Simpson.  In the sometime singer’s upcoming autobiography, she reveals an addiction to diet pills for more than 20 years.  Simpson traces her issues back to a conversation she had with Tommy Mottola on her 17th birthday.  She did an audition for him at Columbia Records, and he offered her a recording contract – if she lost 15 pounds.  “That’s what it will take to be Jessica Simpson.”  And to think she thought she was already Jessica Simpson!  By the by, I unearthed an interview Jessica did with Oprah Winfrey over a decade ago when she bemoaned the battle of the bulge.  “I’ve tried every fad diet, every diet there is, but never to the extent where it’s unhealthy.”  How can I get my hands on those healthy pills?

 

Was Robin Packin?

This time last year, the Hollywood Museum hosted Batman ’66 – the first-ever retrospective of the classic television series, Batman.  One of the notable people at that event was the Boy Wonder himself, Burt Ward.  Last week, Ward revealed that the ABC brass were quite upset over the size of his…er…utility belt.  “They thought that Robin had a very large bulge for television.”  On the big screen, Chris O’Donnell’s was just right.  Ward was sent to a doctor who prescribed him some pills that would “shrink me up”.  He took them for three days, but then worried there could be long-term fertility effects.  “I stopped doing that and I just used my cape to cover it.”  That cape not only did the trick, it raised a pretty penny.  Last month, the costumes worn by Batman and Robin in the series were sold for a record amount of $832,000 for the pair.  I’m sure the fact that Robin’s costume was stretched out of shape only helped the sale.  I know it helped me through some hard times.

Mayhem at DragConUK

It’s been a great few years for RuPaul.  She’s everywhere.  OK, perhaps not on FOX, which took a hard pass on Ru’s daytime talk show.  But it certainly isn’t slowing the drag diva down.  She’s starring in AJ and the Queen, which has a 10-episode commitment from Netflix and producer Michael Patrick King.  And she’s got another season of the award-winning RuPaul’s Drag Race.  Then there’s a Las Vegas residency coming up at the Flamingo Hotel (formerly the home of Donny and Marie).  And RuPaul’s Drag Race: UK was a huge hit.  Alas, that also led to some woes.  Last weekend, the UK hosted their first-ever DragCon – a popular event for drag queens and their fans.  Alas, DragCon was a victim of its own success, with too many tickets being sold and people queuing in lines for hours.  Photos at the Olympia London (the venue) show hordes both inside and out.  World of Wonder (the producers) issued a statement offering to honor tickets the next day, or offer refunds.

With all this hoopla, more producers are cashing in on the drag craze.  TLC has announced a new show –Dragnificent!, which will star Drag Race alumnae Jujubee, Bebe Zahara Benet, Thorgy Thor and Alexis Michelle as sort of a drag version of Queer Eye.  The ladies will travel around and try to make people’s lives better.  I hope they let them loose on some of those people from My 600-lb Life!  The show debuts in the spring.

 

They’re Knot Done Yet

Meanwhile in Hollywood, I was invited to a gathering of the leading ladies of Knots Landing at the Hollywood MuseumMichele Lee, Donna Mills, and Joan Van Ark were on hand to unveil an exhibit of costumes which were worn on the nighttime sudser.  These events always bring out some luminaries from Hollywood’s bygone days.  At one point, I found myself standing between Kathy Garver from Family Affair and Donna Pescow from Angie.  I think that’s when Anson Williams stopped by to say hi.  The Knots ladies were delightful, and I was happy to catch up with each of them.  I saw Michele Lee two months ago when she joined the Broadway cast of The Tale of the Allergist’s Wife in a special performance for The Actors Fund.  I spent time with Joan Van Ark last year when she participated in an all-star reading of Valley of the Dolls to raise money for the LA LGBT Center.  And a few months earlier, I saw Donna Mills in Driving Miss Daisy.  The fact that all three of these ladies recently did high-profile theatre events got me thinking – why not find a project for them to do together?  “Why not?” said Van Ark, excitedly.  “We could do it as a big benefit.  We’d have a ball”.  Why not, indeed.  In the meantime, check out the exhibit at TheHollywoodMuseum.com.  And check out photos from the event on BillyMasters.com.

Who’s Headed to The View?

“Some people call it a train wreck.  We call it The View.”  Truer words were never spoken than during this Saturday Night Live spoof of the talk show’s opening (said by Cheri Oteri as Barbara Walters).  Whatever you may think about The View, it is appointment television.  The show not only reports the news – it makes news.  And it opened the new year with a bombshell – the departure of right-of-center Abby Huntsman.  A popular co-host’s departure would be news at any time.  But a co-host’s departure during an election year is huge – especially for a show the New York Times recently dubbed “The most important political TV show in America”.  The first question is why – why is Abby leaving?  The immediate answer is that she’s going to help her father, who is running for governor of Utah.  But then, more tidbits trickled out.  First, who knew that Meghan McCain was pregnant?  Hands?  Anyone?  Apparently, she was pregnant last summer and even wrote a New York Times piece about her miscarriage.  So, bad Billy – I missed this entirely (in my defense, in the summer I am at my most self-involved and promiscuous).  According to sources, Meghan considered Abby’s on-air “child-centric chats” during this difficult time “insensitive”.  While this isn’t the only reason Abby left, the term “toxic work environment” was brought up more than once.  Abby’s dad running for governor may simply be a good excuse.

This leaves us with the bigger question – who will fill the seat?  An election year is not the time for a revolving door of co-hosts.  Friday fill-in Ana Navarro would be a perfect fit, but she won’t relocate to NYC.  Perpetual also-ran, Rachel Campos, has surely already made herself available.  What I believe the show needs is a newswoman.  Of course, Meredith Vieira is the obvious answer.  Diane Sawyer likely doesn’t want to continue being a Barbara Walters stand-in.  But what about ABC’s former golden girl Elizabeth Vargas?  She’d fit in perfectly.  Or, if the show wants to be really edgy, why not reach out to Megyn Kelly?  Replace one Bombshell character with another?

 

Save the Bush

Elsewhere in the Commonwealth, the devastating fires continue to ravage Australia.  As I always say, one of the good things that come out of tragedy is you see the people who rise to the occasion.  And one group that has no problem rising is gay porn stars.  Rocco Steele will send nude photos to anyone who contributes at least $10 to any of the charities helping the victims and firefighters.  Of course, this wasn’t an original idea – female porn star Kaylen Ward did the same thing and has already raised over $1 million.  So, support Rocco…and the bush!

Speaking of bushes, you may bump into Andrew Scott’s if you’re looking for love online.  According to the Daily Mail, the sexy priest from Fleabag has been spotted on Grindr.  Your beloved Billy shrugs his shoulders and says, “So?”  Like, is that news?  A single gay guy is on a cruising app?  There must be more to the story, right?  Wrong – that’s actually the entire story.  In fact, the reporter goes to great pains to say that Scott doesn’t show off his naughty bits on the app.  “I have a copy of the picture and while Andrew is not naked, it is a little too racy to use here.”  You know what I call a non-nude photo that cannot be published?  A mirage!

 

Megxit

I’ve waited long enough.  Clearly, I – who has something to say about everything – have something to say about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle.  As you know, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex have announced plans to step away from their roles as senior royals, will split their time between the UK and North America, and will (eventually) be self-sufficient.  In other words, they no longer want the responsibility and scrutiny that come with being a royal.  We’re told that they made this announcement WITHOUT discussing it with either Harry’s father (Prince Charles) or grandmother (Queen Elizabeth II).  And that was just their first mistake.  One of Meghan’s fiercest critics, Piers Morgan (who was once a close friend), made the following statement: “People say I’m too critical of Meghan Markle.  But she ditched her family, ditched her Dad, ditched most of her old friends, split Harry from William & has now split him from the Royal Family.  I rest my case.”  On the surface, he surely has a point.

But was this completely out of the blue?  After all, we know the transition has not been an effortless one for Meghan – her troubles have been well-documented.  The couple spent Christmas in Canada with her friends (Suits was shot in Toronto, so Meghan has ties there).  Lots of headlines in England state things such as, “Black Britons know why Meghan wants to leave” – presuming the difficulties are ethnic in origin.  I, personally, wouldn’t be surprised if the American angle wasn’t at least a partial factor.  And then we hear that Meghan has already signed a deal with Disney for “an unspecified project in return for a donation to an elephant charity”.  The charity in question is Elephants Without Borders – which I presume is like Doctors Without Borders, but without scalpels.  Why is she doing this Disney project?  What we do know is that some higher-ups at Disney gave her an original Winnie the Pooh watercolor when Archie was born.  Just out of curiosity, what did the queen give her?

Of course, this affects lots of other things connected to the royals.  Hours after Harry and Meghan’s announcement, the couple was taken out of Madame Tussauds’ display of the royal family.  Since the display is of senior members of the royal family – a group Meg and Harry no longer wish to be a part of – they were moved to somewhere more suitable in the facility.  The move was addressed on Tussauds’ official Twitter page: “We’ve got to respect their wishes,” followed by a shrug emoji and the hashtag #Megxit.  On a grander scale, there are the rumors that QEII will step back from her royal duties when she turns 95 in a year and a half.  She would still be Queen, but she may adopt a Regency for Charles to all but rule in her name.  So, big changes are coming to the House of Windsor.

 

TV to Bway and Back

The combination of musicals and TV shows also pertains to our next story.  Fran Drescher has announced that she and Rachel Bloom are working together to bring The Nanny to Broadway.  The combination is intriguing, and reminded me of something Patti LuPone said about Bloom a few years ago.  “I’m crazy for Rachel Bloom.  I’m crazy for her.  I think that is one smart show.  Of all the musical comedies on television or on the big screen, Rachel knows how to do it.”  But can she do it backwards and bring a TV show to the Broadway stage?  We shall see…  It should be noted that Fran has not announced plans for her or any of the original sitcom cast to join this project.  It will be its own entity, but will retain her unique “voice”.

ABC just announced that their next live musical broadcast will be Mel BrooksYoung Frankenstein.  While the show’s Broadway run paled in comparison to The Producers, it is a recognizable property which could do well if presented well.  Although we have no details, we hear that Mel is pushing for casting many of the roles with the stars from the original Broadway production.  First on that list must be Andrea Martin, who earned a Tony nomination (and stole the show) as Frau Blucher.  Sutton Foster and Megan Mullally both have strong TV credits, so I’d think they should be a given.  This could turn out to be fun…if it’s done properly.

Risque Reality

I am usually unflappable.  In fact, I would defy you to look at me and find a flap.  But last week, comments on two reality shows took me aback…and afront.  First was Tyler on Project Runway.  After ending up with one of the least successful designs, he quipped, “I usually like being on the bottom.”  Then he proclaimed himself to be the show’s “most popular bottom” – and he had the nerve to say it right to Christian Siriano’s face!  But Project Runway is on basic cable, so while all this talk of sexual position seemed slightly risqué, I wasn’t shocked (I also wasn’t shocked when Tyler was eliminated).  Then came the season premiere of The Bachelor.  I’ve gotten used to all of the awkward chit-chat when the Bachelor meets his prospective concubines…err, candidates.  But Victoria F. stood out when she proclaimed, “I have a very dry sense of humor…but that’s the only thing dry about me!”  And on network television!  Come on, ABC – couldn’t you do something slightly more subtle?  Like have the camera pan to the puddle forming by her ankles?

One doesn’t criticize The Bachelor lightly – it is one of ABC’s top-rated shows.  In addition to The Bachelorette and Bachelor in Paradise, we also have The Bachelor Musical coming this spring.  Starting on April 13th, The Bachelor: Listen to Your Heart will allegedly feature “20 single men and women who search for love through music, singing well-known songs, both individually and as couples.  They will meet and explore their relationships while living together and going on Bachelor-style dates that focus on music.”   After the contestants have been coupled-up, they will face musical challenges in live performances judged by stars in the music business.  This all sounds positively horrific – but the kinda horrific that might be fun to watch.

 

Kensworthy’s New BeauS

Gus Kenworthy has no use for kids.  He’s courting an older crowd.  How much older?  In the words of Mame Dennis, somewhere between 40 and death.  Gus was videotaped meeting a group of three gay men who are denizens of God’s waiting room, Palm Springs (Fort Lauderdale is God’s parking lot).  When shown a photo, the men seemed unsure who Gus was.  One said, “Who was that Olympic skier?  Adam Rippon’s friend.  Chuck Helmsworthy?”  In the words of Jesus’ parents – Oy!  Once Gus was correctly IDed, he came out to meet the oldsters, who were quite smitten – after all, Kenworthy is both dashing and delightful.  Well, that and as one guy kept pointing out, he’s got those thighs and that ass.  Check out this fun video on BillyMasters.com.

Griffin Gets Hitched

Kathy Griffin didn’t need a gig on New Year’s Eve to make headlines.  Forget about CNN and ABC.  Kathy had a captive audience watching her ring in the New Year from her palatial home, where she GOT MARRIED!  Yes, Griffin married her on-again/off-again beau Randy Bick.  To make it a truly gayla affair, the officiant was the legendary Lily Tomlin, while Tomlin’s spouse, the great Jane Wagner, was a witness.  It’s not God, but it’s close.

Elsewhere in Los Angeles, another longtime couple bit the dust.  Prior to the ball dropping, Sara Gilbert filed for divorce from hit songwriter Linda Perry after five years of marriage.  For those of you playing at home, that makes two things Sara dumped in 2019.  Three if you count Roseanne herself.

Popes Gone Wild

Someone I never get tired of is the Pope – and that goes for whomever is wearing that title and hat.  This Pope continues to be pretty feisty.  You’ll recall in 2019, he took to pushing people away when they tried to kiss his hand.  On New Year’s Eve, he went one better and actually slapped a gal who got a bit handsy – which, no matter your denomination, you must admit is in pretty poor taste with the pontiff.  The Pope was visiting a Nativity scene when the incident occurred; so this is one of those rare instances where one could say “As God is my witness” and mean it!  The next day, Francis said, “I ask your forgiveness for my bad example of patience yesterday.”

Welcome To 20/20

“This is 20/20.”  
Cheri Oteri rings in the New Year as Barbara Walters alongside
a stoic Andy Cohen and a giggling Anderson Cooper on CNN.

I’m a lot like Tina Turner.  Now, the obvious question to ask is, “How, Billy, are you like Tina Turner?”  Sometimes I like my life to be nice and easy; but sometimes, I like it to be nice and rough.  I was thinking – what would be a good challenge for this, the dawn of a new decade.  Then it hit me – we’ve got 50 states in this country (more or less), and we’ve got 50 weeks in a year (more or less).  So, why not try and have sex with a guy from a different state each week.  I’ve built in a lot of conditions for this challenge.  First off – none of this has to be done alphabetically.  Also, layover sex in an airport definitely counts.  However, the guy and I don’t need to have sex in the state in question.  But since I’m a stickler for details, IDs should be consulted – even at certain gatherings where clothing is not required.  Come to think of it, on a good night I could cross like a baker’s dozen states off the list if I’m lucid enough to keep track.  Let’s see how this goes – and how often I need to go to urgent care!

Since traditions need to be upheld, my New Year’s Eve was spent with close friends in my native Massachusetts watching the latest Lindsay Wagner film.  Well, to call Christmas on the Range a film is an insult to celluloid everywhere.  But, it gave Wagner the opportunity to wear a variety of ponchos (undoubtedly from her own vast collection) and to act opposite the inestimable talents of Mr. A Martinez.  My companions and I also watched the Catherine the Great miniseries starring Dame Helen Mirren, which obviously paled in comparison..

 

Faye Gets Fired

Never count Faye Dunaway out.  I thought that her turning up at two consecutive Academy Awards would be the final sad public appearances of this one-time legendary lady.  How wrong I was.  It was announced that she would play Katharine Hepburn in Matthew Lombardo’s Tea at Five…on BROADWAY.  I was skeptical.  So when a pre-Broadway run was announced in my native Boston, I braced myself for the worse.  Prior to opening night, I said in a television interview, “Faye Dunaway playing a legendary film star – what could go wrong?”  My fears were well-founded.  After the Boston run, she was fired in a most embarrassing way.  Rather than say something like “creative differences”, this was the statement: “The producers of Tea at Five announced today that they have terminated their relationship with Faye Dunaway.”  This project was doomed from the start.  At the photo session announcing the play, Dunaway allegedly threw her luncheon salad on the floor.  When she did occasionally show up for rehearsal, she wouldn’t let anyone look at her – including the director and playwright.  She complained if anyone wore white – “because it distracts me”.  More distracting was the fact that she couldn’t remember her lines and had to be prompted via an earpiece.  Best of all, prior to opening night in Boston, Dunaway allegedly had staffers get on their hands and knees and scrub the floor of her dressing room!  The more things change…

Spacey and Schock

Keep your hands to yourself.  You’d think I wouldn’t have to tell you not to put your hands down the pants of an underage busboy, but you’re not Kevin Spacey.  This story had everything – a closeted actor, an underage twink, liquor, text messages, a selfie, and a girlfriend.  It even had a mother who had once been a semi-respected newswoman in Boston, deleting items off her spawn’s cell phone that might paint him in a less than positive light.  Once the term “tampering with evidence” was explained to her, the phone mysteriously couldn’t be found.  And I believe solely because of this, Spacey got off of trying to get a busboy off.

As it turns out, sometimes you can judge a book by its cover.  I kinda assumed I’d never talk about the disgraced Illinois Congressman Aaron Schock again.  But that was before he started showing up at gay circuit parties with his hands down his dance partner’s shorts (at least he was of age).  That was just the beginning.  He was next seen cavorting with the buff boys at Coachella.  Then people started coming forward recounting numerous online hookups with statements like, “While he said he was primarily a top, he would bottom.”  Kinda like a vegetarian who occasionally likes a big hunk of meat – literally.  And before you know it, someone sent us over 20 photos of Aaron from every possible angle, in various forms of arousal, and some possibly taken with that camera they use for colonoscopies.  Add in the videos and, well, you had the most popular images of 2019 on BillyMasters.com.

Jussie and Jason

Nothing good happens after 2AM…on the streets of Chicago…in the winter.  I don’t care how much you have a hankering for a Subway salad (and, really, who has ever had a hankering for a Subway salad).  Learn from Jussie Smollett and stay home.  What a roller coaster the Empire star brought us on.  First he was a victim.  Then he was a colluder.  Then he was a mastermind.  And then, he somehow presented himself as a victim all over again!  The idea that in subfreezing weather, two guys were wandering around Chicago with bleach and a noose never seemed plausible.  And how likely is it that after such a horrific attack, you’d still be holding onto your Subway salad?  Once the men were ID’ed as Nigerian bodybuilding brothers who actually knew Jussie, it was all over.  They even corroborated their story with handwritten plans, notes, and cancelled checks!  Not only wasn’t Jussie a victim, he wasn’t very bright.  Miraculously, the City of Chicago didn’t press charges – they only wanted reimbursement for the investigation.  Jussie refusing to pay simply reinforces how dim he is.  Look for this to continue into 2020.

It’s not just the Kardashians who enjoy a large black penis.  This year, we had two that made news – both singers.  Lil Nas X got tongues wagging when we leaked a video of his “junk”.  It obviously didn’t hurt his career – “Old Town Road” became a huge hit, and Forbes named him one of the highest-paid country artists of the year.  Then came Jason Derulo, who got people all hot and bothered with his sheathed spear being clearly visible in a pair of boxer briefs.  Instagram took it down, but enough people saw it to give him publicity.  He’s still riding it (so to speak) by claiming the powers-that-be at Cats digitally removed his dick from the pic – as if anyone would allow shooting to begin without that monster being strapped down within an inch of his life.  Still, you can unwrap each of these guy’s packages on BillyMasters.com.

Talk Show Tears

Dish isn’t limited to primetime.  Daytime television always provides endless fodder for this column.  Wendy Williams finally left her cheating scumbag of a husband.  Sara Gilbert finally left The Talk (and, as we go to press, wife of five years Linda Perry).  But all of these shows owe their notoriety to the grand dame of all daytime talkers – The View.  While Barbara Walters wastes away with her beloved Icodel in isolation, her baby is still going strong.  And it’s more combative than ever with Meghan McCain’s inability to share the stage with…well, anybody, and Whoopi’s short fuse getting shorter by the moment.  Say what you will, it’s still appointment television and will be a key player in the upcoming election year.

Last Minute Gifts

Time for our final installment of Billy’s Holiday Gift Giving Suggestions.  In an uncharacteristically selfish move, I’m going to remind you that a subscription to BillyMasters.com makes a perfect stocking stuffer for you or any of your friends.  Not to brag, but I’m still able to stuff multiple stockings simultaneously.

To make things a bit more tempting, remember the ringtone I made from Whoopi’s “Girl, please stop talking” speech?  Well, I’m making it available to all of you – for FREE.  Just head on over to www.BillyMasters.com to download it from our homepage (or just click here).  Happy Holidays, from Billy Masters.

One of the hottest books of the year was Ramin Setoodeh’s Ladies Who Punch: The Explosive Inside Story of The View.  It was so dishy and skinny, I downed it in a single sitting.  Grab it where all good (or trashy) books are sold.

When we’re taking a little time to enjoy the view, it’s time to end yet another column.  Don’t forget to grab your free ringtone – and whatever else you have handy – at www.BillyMasters.com, the site that’ll answer all your needs.  For those needs that require a bit of stroking, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before I share a bottle of poppers with Nicole and her beau…at The Fellatio Café!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

 

Cream In Your Coffee

By the time you read this, a new coffee shop will have opened in downtown Geneva – The Fellatio Café.  According to a company spokesperson, you will be able to order coffee and select a sex worker from a digital menu (along with a scone if you’re feeling peckish) for roughly $50.  Spokesperson Bradley Charvert (who is hotter than most sex workers I’ve met) said, “In five or ten minutes, it’s all over” – which means they’re pretty “adept” sex workers.  But do they provide sex workers of both genders?  While so far only female “workers” are involved, Bradley says he’s open to bringing on men – and even robots – if the demand is there.  Bringing new meaning to the phrase, “I’m the cream in your coffee”.

Pop Stars and Poppers

In a silly story out of the UK, Nicole Scherzinger (of the Pussycat Dolls and various talent shows) was apparently out with a group of people at Freedom, a popular gay club in London.  Her group included Sam Smith, Joe McElderry, and Nicole’s rumored beau, rugby player (and recent contestant on The X-Factor: Celebrity), Thom Evans.  According to a civilian named Ben, “Sam was offering their poppers around”.  Ben added, “I got to sniff the same bottle that Nicole used.”

I would be far more interested in sharing a bottle with Thom Evans, who is one of the most spectacularly beautiful men to have graced the world.  You may recall that he and his lookalike brother Max posed nude for the Dieux Du Stade calendar.  The naughty nude photos can be found on our website, BillyMasters.com.  BYOP (bring your own poppers).

Should Only Gays Play Gay

Every once in a while, someone champions the belief that gay roles should only be played by gay actors.  Richard E. Grant (Oscar-nominated last year for Can You Ever Forgive Me?) recently pushed this agenda in an interview with the Sunday Time in London.  “The transgender movement and the #MeToo movement means, how can you justify heterosexual actors playing gay characters?”  So, flipping it around, does Richard also wonder “how can you justify homosexual actors playing straight characters”?   ‘Cause, y’know, it’s a slippery slope.

I don’t know how the notorious REG will react to this next story.  Do you remember when Marvel announced plans for their first openly gay superhero?  And that they would only consider hiring an openly gay actor?  Way back then, it was rumored that the character would be “Ikaris”.  Apparently that is no longer the case.  Recent reports indicate that the character will be Phastos in The Eternals, as played by Brian Tyree Henry.  You may know BTH for his Emmy-nominated turn as rapper Paper Boi in the series Atlanta, or his guest-starring role on This is Us (also Emmy-nominated), or his Broadway turn in Lobby Hero (a Tony nomination).  Although Brian hasn’t made any declarations regarding his sex life, there have been rumors – particularly after his convincing portrayal of a drag queen in the play Wig Out, which was staged at the Sundance Theatre Lab in 2007.

Dynasty’s Liam Shows Off

While the original Dynasty was a guilty pleasure, the current incarnation is more guilty than pleasurable.  I know you’re not watching, but it is fun – even if the cast is constantly changing.  In three seasons, we’re on our third Crystal and our second Alexis – well, third if you count the episodes Fallon played herself and her mother.

Which leads to our Ask Billy question.  Henry in Maine says, “The guy who plays Liam on Dynasty is really hot.  He gives off a gay vibe – or is it me?”

If you’re reading this column, it’s you giving off the gay vibe.  Let’s move on to Adam Huber, who plays Liam.  He may be somewhat light in the acting department, but he’s got great hair – which makes him a perfect addition to the cast.  That head of hair made me think that perhaps he’s modeled.  A bit of sleuthing uncovered his modeling past – where he showed off his impressive physique.  And, wait – is that a brief foray into nude modeling?  As with all good stocking stuffers, you can see all on BillyMasters.com.

When I’m beginning and ending critiquing people’s hair, it’s time to end yet another column.  You know what a perfect gift is?  A membership to www.BillyMasters.com, the site where we never censor a big snake.  If you wanna dare me with a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before I cry for Argentina.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

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Billy Masters
Copyright ©2019
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Revised: Dec 16, 2019 @ 4:31 am

Hallmark Flip-Flops

When asked about featuring LGBTQ+ content, Hallmark Channel CEO Bill Abbott said, “We’re open to really any type of movie of any type of relationship in any space.  We are always encouraging people to bring us stories across the board.  It’s certainly something that we do discuss consistently with our team and with our talent and with the agencies.”  Of course, this makes sense for a network that continuously runs episodes of The Golden Girls.  However, the statement outraged conservative fans of programs starring the pious Candace Cameron Bure and the soon-to-be incarcerated Lori Loughlin.  Then came a proposed boycott from One Million Moms, a grassroots organization that presumably has one million-plus moms (I don’t have my abacus handy, but if they say 1 in 10 people are gay, then there’s a pretty good chance I slept with a baker’s dozen of those one million moms’ sons).  The moms were vehemently opposed to commercials with lesbian couples promoting Zola, a wedding planning website.  The network killed the commercials, saying they don’t accept ads that “are deemed controversial”.  A spokesperson went so far as to say that two brides kissing violated the channel’s policy against “public displays of affection” – ironic coming from a network where virtually every movie is about a girl sleeping with both her capitalistic big-city boyfriend and her hometown childhood sweetheart who is trying to save a Christmas tree farm. 

BREAKING NEWS – just before we published this column, the network’s parent company, Hallmark Cards, reversed the decision to pull the commercials in question.  “We are truly sorry for the hurt and disappointment this has caused,” said president and CEO Mike Perry.  “Across our brand, we will continue to look for ways to be more inclusive and celebrate our differences.”  It’s a Christmas miracle!

Snakes in Art and Undies

St. Paul’s Church in Malmö, Sweden commissioned a new piece of art entitled “Paradise”.  Artist Elisabeth Ohlson Wallin did a work 20 years ago inspired by the Last Supper, with Jesus surrounded by the 12 apostles – in drag!  For “Paradise”, she had the Garden of Eden populated with straight couples, gay couples, and even a transgender person in a tree holding the snake!  You’d think “all-inclusive”, right?  Apparently it was too inclusive.  The Swedish Church felt that since the snake represents sin and temptation in religious settings, having the transperson holding it could be interpreted as trans-phobic.  Ohlson says she’s making a new image for the church – “without a snake”.  So now it’s snake-phobic.

Social media had a problem with the snake Jason Derulo had in his tight black boxer briefs.  Derulo explained, “I was not aroused.  I was literally, like, getting out of the water.  I don’t want to say I was shriveled up.  I definitely didn’t have the cold shrivel.”  For those of you interested in what it looks like dry, Jason added, “It leans more to the front.  If it’s on the side, and it’s just chilling on the side, it’s a semi.”  This led to Derulo receiving an offer to do porn – ‘cause, you know, fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, anacondas gotta breathe.  CamSoda offered Derulo $500K to sit around in his boxer briefs and fondle the ferocious fella.  So, basically, the anaconda didn’t even have to come out of hibernation!  Jason turned down the offer, saying “Imma need a wayyy bigger bag than that.”

Maybe Derulo has so much money he doesn’t need to fondle his undies for half a million bucks.  We do know that Lil Nas X is doing just fine.  According to “Forbes”, he’s the first gay man to appear on the list of highest-paid country acts.  Of course, you can see his anaconda on BillyMasters.com.  And, trust me, we didn’t pay him a cent!

Grease Reunion Sells Out

When John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John announced they were reuniting for three Grease sing-a-long events in Florida, the events sold out immediately.  It didn’t hurt that the duo was joined by three of their co-stars – Barry Pearl, Kelly Ward, and Michael Tucci – collectively known as the T-Birds (Didi Conn’s invitation must have gotten lost in the mail).  Travolta thought it would be fun if his fellow T-Birds dyed their hair.  This made me wonder, what would Travolta do?  I am delighted to report that he donned one of the best wigs of his life.  Actually, it was on the minimalist side, so perhaps it was a wiglet.  He and Livvy turned up in their end-of-film attire for the Q&A, and even sang some of the songs.  You can see photos and even videos at BillyMasters.com.

Jason Derulo’s Anaconda

Here’s a first – this week’s Ask Billy question comes from within my own organization!  My proofreader Aaron writes, “I just read about Jason Derulo’s dick being censored online.  So now I wanna see it.”

Obviously I have the photo in question, but I didn’t plan on running it.  Why?  They discussed this on The Talk.  If I live by one rule of thumb: there’s no reason to share a story that has been discussed by Marie Osmond.  But rules are made to be broken.  Jason posted a photo where he was clad only in some tight-fitting black boxer briefs – briefs which showed a sizable tubular structure across the front.  When a fan asked what was in there, Derulo said an “anaconda”.  Apparently harboring an animal in your undies is an Instagram no-no.  The social media platform said the photo was “taken down for nudity or sexual activity”.  Jason shot back, “I can’t help my size”.  When they discussed this on The Talk, someone wondered if it was discrimination.  Why can you show a large-breasted woman in a tight t-shirt but not a large-penised man in tight undies?  Food for thought.  That food was a bit much for Instagram, but it’s an all-you-can-eat buffet at BillyMasters.com.

 

Kenworthy Switches Teams

I’m sorry to report that Gus Kenworthy has switched teams.  I know – you’re devastated.  But don’t worry – he’s simply switched Olympic teams.  Turns out, Gus was born in the UK and calls his mother “British through-and-through.  She has been my #1 fan for my entire life and has proudly stood at the bottom of the mountain waving the stars and stripes in support of me for two Olympic cycles.  Now, in what is sure to be my last Olympic appearance, I’d like to return the honor by proudly holding up the British flag for her.”  Isn’t that a lovely story?  But I don’t buy it.  When previous Olympians have done this, it’s because the competition to make Team USA towards the end of their career is fierce, while joining a foreign team is almost guaranteed.  On the other hand, I could be wrong.

Evan Hansen of Color

It’s that time of the year where the conversation inevitably turns to Santas of color.  Well, Broadway is going to have their first Evan Hansen of color when Jordan Fisher plays the title role for 16 weeks starting on January 28th.  He said, “To be the first full-time ethnic Evan is pretty special.  I think it says a lot about where Broadway is in terms of whatever your creed, or color or orientation, as long as you can tell the story, it’s something that’s malleable, which is something that I love, and I’m very honored about.”  I bet he’ll be great.

Billy and the Nutcracker

After my brief stay in Florida, I had to dash to Los Angeles to co-host Sidebar with John Duran on Channel Q Radio, which is syndicated around the country (you can hear the show here).  The good thing about when I host something is I bring my own guests.  I booked Jenifer Lewis, since she was appearing in Debbie Allen’s Hot Chocolate Nutcracker gala the following night.  And what a night it was.  Shonda Rhimes donated a building to the Debbie Allen Dance Academy!  And I learned that Berry Gordy gave Debbie the first $50K to get started.  As to the show, there was never such a Nutcracker.  Over 200 gorgeous kids danced, sang, and acted their tails off.  And speaking of tails, Jenifer Lewis played a rat!  We were joined backstage by the young and restless Shemar Moore, who has a pretty hot tail himself.  You must check out the photos at BillyMasters.com.

Billy’s Holiday Gifts

Now comes the point in the column where I share Billy’s Holiday Gift Giving Suggestions.  My goal each year is to share things that could make your festivities just a trifle more gay.  One of the most popular items every year is the Orthodox Priest Calendar.  But, frankly, I’m finding it hard to believe any actual priest can do that with a crucifix unless the holy water miraculously turned into lube.  Therefore, my calendar choice this year will appeal to those of you who like a bit of ginger – a lovely holiday flavor.  Last year, a fan sent me the Red Hot Cock Calendar, and I was impressed with what they refer to as their “fire crotches, copper knobs and ginger nuts”.  This year the lads have outdone themselves by also providing the flip side.  Yes, if you prefer your gingers face-down, you could buy the Red Hot Butt Calendar.  Both calendars raise money for testicular cancer and prostate cancer awareness campaigns.  Plus, a little ginger will keep you warm on those long winter nights.  Grab ‘em at RedHot100.com.

You know how you see an invention on Shark Tank and say, “Why didn’t I think of that?”  Well, the staff at Chi Chi LaRue’s Channel 1 Releasing had a thought – what if there were a way to turn any water bottle into an enema?  You know – for those guys on the go, rushing to a last-minute tryst.  And, thus, Skwert was developed.  The Skwert Water Bottle Enema will fit on most standard water bottle mouths and give you a quick pick-me-up.  For my readers, I’d classify this as a stocking stuffer…although what you stuff is your business.  Pick up a few for surprise guests at Skwert.com.

 

Gay Couple in Undies

It wouldn’t be the holidays without at least one scandal.  A conservative group claims that a gay underwear ad has “contaminated Christmas”.  So you know what I did?  Found the ad – which, for the sake of clarity, I must tell you is a print ad.  The company is Bonds underwear – oh, did I mention this is all happening in Australia?  The ad features a real-life gay couple – Nicolas and Steve – kissing in the kitchen (one is sitting on a counter; one is leaning against it), clad solely in matching holiday boxer briefs.  The caption says, “It’s the little moments that make Christmas season so special”.  At least they didn’t say “It’s the little things” – how embarrassing would that have been??  Anyhoo, FamilyVoice Australia thought this was too much.  “Images of two men kissing passionately while sporting only their Bonds underwear is hardly the appropriate message at any time of the year – particularly not at Christmas.  Christmas is a special time that bonds faith and family.  It should not be contaminated by businesses pushing explicit images into the marketplace,” says the group’s spokesperson.  I don’t know how passionate it was.  I didn’t see anything pop out, or get slid in – which happens at all the underwear parties I go to.  But did you notice that the spokesperson says it’s “a special time that bonds faith and family”?  And it’s Bonds underwear!  Case closed!

UK Gay Family Scandal

I’ve been following this next story for a couple of weeks.  Try and follow along.  The names Barrie and Tony Drewitt-Barlow probably don’t mean anything to you.  But in 1999, these very wealthy Brits won a legal battle to list both of their names on the birth certificate of the daughter they had with a surrogate.  This was a landmark case for Great Britain since they were the first gay couple to fight for this right – and win!  Fast forward 20 years, and the couple is splitting up.  Why?  Because Barrie has fallen head-over-heels in love with Scott, the ex-boyfriend of their daughter, Saffron!  Not only that, but the entire family (complete with ex-boyfriend/current boyfriend) continue to live in a mansion in Florida!  Here’s the best part – Scott came into the family as Barrie’s “personal assistant” five years ago, where he was often described as a pussy hound.  So, lemme get this straight (so to speak) – the gay guy hires a young personal assistant, who dates the gay guy’s daughter, and then the gay guy leaves his husband to be with the personal assistant, who is suddenly into men, and they’re all living in the same house.  If you’re wondering why don’t these people have a TV show, they actually filmed a pilot last year which went nowhere – probably because the couple was still together and Scott was being paid to be there (as if he’s not still getting a check).  With this new wrinkle, they may get a deal.  For now, you can see the pilot on BillyMasters.com.

 

Sandra Bernhard hits SoBe

With Thanksgiving over, I now am finally able to focus on Christmas – as opposed to CVS, which had seasonal fare available prior to Halloween!  Unlike my men, I like my holidays one at a time.  Before Thanksgiving, I had more than my hands full when I went to see the iconic Sandra Bernhard at the lovely Faena Theater in South Beach.  This gorgeous little gem is tucked away in the Faena Hotel, and I was there courtesy of Sandra’s musical director, the lovely Mitch Kaplan.  He posted something on Facebook about the show in Miami, and I had just arrived at my Fort Lauderdale abode.  Within a few hours, I was in the presence of the lady – and what a show she put on.  I loved watching the audience because they clearly had no idea what to expect from Sandra.  She’s not easy to categorize.  She shares interesting insights, bon mots from her life, surrealist stories constructed with impeccable skill, hysterical observations, and then belts out a song with the power of a Janis Joplin.  Quite a lot to take in for the denizens of South Beach.  But by the end, they simply paid homage – as we all do.  Sandy, Mitchy, and their motley crew will be ringing in the New Year at Joe’s Pub for the 10th year in a row.  In fact, they’re doing 12 shows at the venue between December 26 and 31.  Get the full schedule at SandraBernhard.com.

Can You Wu Wu Wu

You know what I’m thankful for?  That the Dallas Straight Pride Parade attracted two people!  It was actually the two guys holding the banner, which probably makes them the organizers.  In that case, NO PEOPLE showed up for the event.  On the flip side, about 20 counter-protesters showed up.  Look, I’m all for exercising free speech, but why didn’t the protesters just laugh and walk away?  Haven’t those poor straight people suffered enough?

I’m also thankful that Fresh Off the Boat has been cancelled.  Far be it from me to wish unemployment to Asian actors working in this industry.  But thank God that Constance Wu can finally become the huge star she says she’s destined to be.  Apparently the only thing holding her back was being on a hit sitcom.  Good luck, Wu.  See you at the Oscars…perhaps as a seat filler.

Lil Nas X Makes History

While voting hasn’t happened yet, Lil Nas X has already made Grammy history.  Last week, Nas got nominated for Artist of the Year, Album of the Year, Best New Artist, Best Pop Duo/Group Performance, Best Rap/Sung Performance, and Best Music Video.  In short, this is an unprecedented number of plaudits going to an openly gay singer.  You can check out his 12-inch on BillyMasters.com – free membership for all Grammy voters!

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