Category Archives: Breaking

Hot American Horror Story

Lickable brings us to this week’s Ask Billy question.  Gary in Dallas writes: “I just saw photos of the new American Horror Story, which included two really hot guys walking down the street holding hands.  One of them looked familiar but I couldn’t place him.  Who are they?

The one who looked familiar was likely Charlie Carver, who appeared with his brother Max as one of the Scavo twins on Desperate Housewives (the twosome also appeared on Teen Wolf).  Charlie is paired with the equally luscious Isaac Powell (occasionally billed as Isaac Cole Powell), who was the lead in the short-lived Broadway revival of West Side Story and was, for a time, fiancé to the wonderful Wesley Taylor.  We hear this season’s AHS is a period piece set in NYC – which should be no stretch for Carver, who was in the Broadway and TV versions of The Boys in the Band.  Both of them are mega hot, Powell is shirtless, their arms are amazing, and their kiss really does look like it could have come out of some vintage gay porn, as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

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When I’m picturing Bette Midler in a Netflix musical about QEII, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Again, it all made sense in my head.  And yet I’m not the one being told to turn off my brain.  I can’t – I need all of my faculties to maintain www.BillyMasters.com – the site that doesn’t entertain you with any hocus or pocus.  If you’d like to give me a poke or two, e-mail Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before any of my sexual partners take up knitting.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Lots of Hocus and Pocus

During promotions for her latest Disney+ venture (more below), Sarah Jessica Parker confirmed what we reported weeks ago – a Carrie/Aiden reunion on And Just Like That….  “Could be, could be.  Well, you know, I can’t be like cryptic about it anymore”.  Not after Billy Masters reports it.  Just stay away from all exercise equipment.

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You want a good time?  I have three words for you – Hocus Pocus 2.  Sure, there’s nothing particularly new or fresh in this flick.  But it made me laugh – especially when I noted it had the fakest sets since Gunsmoke!  I even liked the younger cast members – very Charmed (the original, naturally).  So, why stop with “2”?  Why not another sequel?  The girls are up for it.  But, please, don’t wait another 29 years.  By that time, Bette Midler will be…well, carry the 2, add in….she’ll be dead!

There’s even more Hocus Pocus news.  Disney has gone from having no interest in the property to wanting to expand its audience.  Why not Hocus Pocus: On Broadway??  Why not, indeed.  The musical will be based on the first movie and, while there are no plans for the original trio to star in it, there’s nothing to say they couldn’t.

Speaking of both “Hocus” and “Pocus”, our pal Jay Armstrong Johnson is reprising his wildly popular Halloween fundraiser I Put A Spell On You for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS.  While the last two years have been virtual, the show returns to the stage on October 23rd.  NYC’s Sony Hall will host the event, which will again find JAJ winched into Winifred garb alongside Allison Robinson and Amanda Williams Ware as his sisters.  Among the special guests will be Gavin Creel and Krysta Rodriguez.  Tix and deets can be found on BroadwayCares.org.

 

Madonna on Throuples

Even famous people compare themselves to others.  Take Britney Spears, who truly has been to hell and back…and still looks good in a bikini.  In discussing her conservatorship, she said the following: “I’d like to see somebody tell Jennifer Lopez to sit down eight hours a day seven days a week…no car.  I’d like to see a management team tell Jennifer Lopez to go through what I went through…what the fuck do you think she would do…her family would NEVER allow that.”  With all due respect, Brit, you’re no J-Lo.  And Lynne is no Lupe!

You know who’s got loads of cautionary tales?  Madonna.  She was discussing relationships with Frankie Grande – who knows a thing or two about both tails and loads.  “I was talking to Madonna of all people – talking to the queen – and I told her about the throuple, and she literally said, ‘Well, that’s not going to end well.’”  So, there you have it – Madonna has the common sense that everyone, except for Frankie, has.  But like Frankie, I’m sure Madge knows being a human piñata does have its advantages.

Shut Off Your Brain

There’s been a curious development in the life of Oscar winner Dustin Lance Black.  “A month ago I sustained a serious head injury that put me out of commission.  Showing little improvement, my doctors ordered me to shut off my brain in hopes of it healing.”  This sounds scary, and certainly our thoughts are with him.  To assist in his recovery, hubby Tom Daley took the family to a Greek Island – presumably not the same one I just returned from.  I recalled the last time Lance graced this column, which was after a bar fight on August 17th.  He and Tom were out at Freedom in Soho with female promoter, Teddy Edwardes, when Lance suddenly threw a drink in her face.  “I didn’t have a drink to throw back so I did choose violence, but I wasn’t that violent.  He got a little tap on the back of the head,” said Teddy.  You don’t think…do you?

How would you like to be a fly on the wall in Tom Daley’s bedroom?  The diver shared what he and the hubby do every night in bed – and it’s as scintillating as you’d expect.  “When we get to bed, we always ask each other what our best and worst part of the day was.  It’s a good opportunity to share something nice, but then also share something that wasn’t.  It doesn’t necessarily have to mean I’m pissed off about him.  It could be anything, but just being able to create that conversation.”  And you wonder why Tom knits!  And this was BEFORE the head trauma!

 

Pitcher Misses the Mark

Let’s end with a sports-related Ask Billy question.  Peter in Chicago writes, “I saw some photos of a hot guy in a Speedo pitching during a baseball game.  Who, what, where, when and why?”

It took place at a game between the Orix Buffaloes and the Fukuoka SoftBank Hawks – I say as if I know what I’m talking about.  They have a tradition of inviting a “special guest” to throw the first pitch.  In this case, it was Naotaka Yokokawa, a 28-year-old bodybuilder.  He was wearing the Orix Buffaloes uniform, but stripped on his way to the mound…as one does.  Clad in the skimpiest of undies and a baseball cap, he let ‘er rip, and the audience went wild.  Admittedly, the pitch was also wild, but his form is impressive – as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

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When a pitcher can’t deliver, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Seems no matter where you are, a good pitcher is hard to find – ask Adame!  Maybe they’re all on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that has a little bit of everything.  If you have a question – or a sexual act you’d like to engage in – drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before I give out MY cell number!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Weatherman and His Pussy

And now, the story you’ve all been waiting for.  It was recently discovered that a weatherman was engaging in some sexual activity online.  Erick Adame was on Spectrum NY1 for five years.  He claims to have been fired after somebody sent his boss screenshots from an explicit Chaturbate session.  Adame posted the following: “My psychiatrist calls my actions ‘compulsive behavior,’ others would call them reckless, stupid or brazen.  I’m not in a position to argue with any of these descriptions…On this site, I acted out my compulsive behaviors, while at home, by performing on camera for other men.  It was 100% consensual on both of our parts.  I wasn’t paid for this, and it was absurd of me to think I could keep this private.  Nonetheless, my employer found out and I was suspended and then terminated.”  Erick has gone so far as to file a suit against a website (not ours) where the images were posted.  He wants to somehow track down whoever took the screenshot.  He claims the photos were not only sent to his boss, but also his mother!  Except, perhaps it wasn’t just being gay or having sex on camera that led to his dismissal.

TheDesk.net has tracked down one of Erick’s actual broadcasts (some of which is also available on our website), and it is considerably more explicit than previously reported.  On it, Adame gives out his cell phone number, his home address (in NJ), tells people his door is unlocked, and encourages viewers to let themselves in and have their way with him en masse.  “At this point, I’m pretty sure my first name, last name, address, has all fucking been out there, and this pussy still hasn’t been fucked,” he laments.  Referencing his high-profile job, he says, “I think it’d be hot if my boss saw me.  I would love my boss to fuck me on camera.”  I suspect HR would have something to say about that!  While this vividly colors the tale (or tail), one person did bring up an interesting point.  “Am I really reading this correctly?  They fired Erick Adame for having virtual sex, even though NYC government literally advised people to have virtual sex during the pandemic?  What?!”

Lil Nas X & the Wrong Guy

About 20 years ago, I hosted Cape Cod Pride, and we had one lone protestor standing by the entrance with a picket sign.  I felt so sorry for him, I offered him some food and drink from the stage – which he declined.  I was reminded of this anecdote when I heard about Lil Nas X at MGM Music Hall in Boston.  He, too, had some gay protestors outside.  Before the show, he Tweeted, “Just told my team to send them pizza, this is really good promo!”  He then added, “Update: they didn’t want the pizza but I accidentally fell in love with one of the homophobic protestors.”  The next day he wrote the following: “Can’t stop thinking about the cute homophobic guy that was protesting my concert last night.  I just know we had a connection.  I miss him so much man.  I’m nothing without him.”

I, too, have occasionally fallen for unobtainable guys.  Take Ryan Reynolds.  I’ve never met him.  I haven’t even bumped into him at an event.  And yet, I can’t help but take news of him impregnating Blake Lively for the fourth (documented) time somewhat personally.  I don’t know why I consider this such an affront.  But I’m willing to blame it on those Mint Mobile commercials.  Or it could be his body.

Billy’s Friends Tear Up

In preparation for the first season of The White Lotus in Hawaii, my pal Jennifer Coolidge decided she needed to get a spray tan because she looked like, in her words, a “big, white marshmallow.  I got on the plane and I started to feel really weird.  By the time I got off the flight, I had to go to the emergency room.”  Turns out, she was having an allergic reaction to the spray tan!  For the remainder of the shoot, she relied on body makeup, which wasn’t much better.  “The minute we stopped filming, I would shower.  I have such a quick reaction to stuff…My eyes would always be tearing, but it never occurred to me that it was my makeup.”

I was rather teary myself when two of my nearest and dearests got together on TV.  Sherri is a welcomed addition to the daytime talk landscape, and her first shows coincided with the promotional tour for Jenifer Lewis’ new book, Walking In My Joy.  There I was, thousands of miles away, hearing from both ladies.  Shepherd texted me first, saying, “Jenifer made me cry with her surprise of playing the piano and singing a song to me.”  Shortly thereafter, Jenifer texted, “Sherri was amazing….chemistry was right on, as we all knew.  She’s gonna be HUGE!”

 

How To Attain Efron

Our Ask Billy question comes from Henry in NYC: “I was surprised to see Zac Efron on a magazine cover looking even younger than usual.  Has he had some work done?”

He has – but it seems to have been mental work.  Zac claims that he has found some balance in his life in the October issue of Men’s Health.  Remember his incredible Baywatch physique?  He now says, “I don’t know if that’s really attainable”.  He now confesses that achieving that body required endless workout sessions, a severely limited diet, and very powerful diuretics.  The medication and supplements led to bouts of insomnia and depression.  “At one point, that was a dream of mine – what it would be like to not have to be in shape all the time.  What if I just said, ‘F*** it’ and let myself go?”  Welcome to my world, Zac Efron!  He claims to have discovered how to be in good physical shape and also be happy.  You can see the results on BillyMasters.com.

 

Martin Wants Money

Remember that story about Ricky Martin’s nephew suing him for sexual assault?  And then, suddenly, the entire thing disappeared and the nephew was discredited?  It suspiciously seemed like some deal was brokered – and, indeed, I wasn’t the only one to jump to that conclusion.  But I don’t think anyone expected Ricky to file a $20 million lawsuit for defamation against Dennis Sanchez Martin who, I think it’s safe to say, doesn’t have a pot to piss in (a phrase Big Mama Masters is fond of).  “The reckless, malicious and culpable actions by Defendant Sanchez were motivated by the desire to expose Plaintiff to hatred and disdain from his fanbase, to threaten his business opportunities and to destroy his reputation.”  And, speaking of malicious, Sanchez is described in the suit as “maladjusted”.  So, what is the point of this?  Obviously it isn’t money.  Stay tuned.

Broadway and Beyond

A Broadway-bound musical is taking a hiatus on the road to the Great White Way.  The Elton John musicalized version of The Devil Wears Prada played Chicago to a tepid response.  “It’s not ready,” said John.  “It’ll be ready in about another year…We learned a lot from our run in Chicago and look forward to continuing to work on the production and make the necessary changes.  We have every intention of bringing the production to the stage again when we have the proper theater and the timing is right.”

This does not mean that Elton is taking a hiatus from all theatre.  His collaboration with Jake Shears on a musical about Tammy Faye Bakker is still moving forward.  Tammy Faye opens at the Almeida Theatre in London’s West End on October 13th.  It will star Katie Brayben as Tammy Faye and our own Andrew Rannells as Jim Bakker.

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As we went to press, a shocking announcement was made.  The Phantom of the Opera, the longest running Broadway show of all time, is closing after 35 years!  The final curtain will fall on February 18th, 2023.

Broadway’s biggest box office blockbuster has also announced plans to close.  The Hugh Jackman/Sutton Foster helmed revival of The Music Man will shutter once Jackman’s contract expires on January 1st – not unlike when he played Peter Allen in The Boy from Oz.

Lea Michele’s first week as Broadway’s Funny Girl resulted in a box office record for the show – it brought in $1.6 million.  That’s even more impressive when you consider that she only got to do four shows before she was felled by Covid.  She is expected back on September 20th.

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In a recent item about Lea, I jokingly referred to her as “the new belter” – a joke I trust doesn’t require an explanation.  As luck would have it, two young men are assuming the title themselves…at least temporarily.  I’ve previously written about Nicolas King and Seth Sikes – both throwbacks to the age of crooners and, well, belters.  So, why not bill themselves as such?  The New Belters will play their first show at The Green Room 42 in NYC on October 28th.  In November, they will also appear in Los Angeles, Palm Springs and Las Vegas.  You can get more details on dates and venues at each of their websites – TheNicolasKing.com or SethSikes.net.

 

All Eyes on England

They’re dropping like flies in England – literally!  My faithful followers know that nothing makes me happier than a video of someone falling – why, seeing Beyoncé plummet down a flight of stairs face-first is almost as enjoyable as seeing Madonna nearly strangled by her cape!  But even I was concerned while watching the honor guard standing by Queen Elizabeth.  One member was noted to be swaying – which is never a good sign in a guard who isn’t even allowed to crack a smile (not that there’s much to smile about around the queen’s coffin).  Suddenly, the swaying guard collapsed.  But he didn’t just faint, he fainted face-forward and down a step!  And, he didn’t quickly pop up – he laid there until he was helped up.  We hear he was uninjured and returned to his post a few hours later.  And then he started swaying again.  Needless to say, he was removed before any other incident took place.

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The newly minted King Charles III is not without scandal, goodness knows.  But did you know there have been gay rumors?  I guess that goes with the territory.  Apparently Princess Diana made mention of a servant’s claim to have caught Charles in flagrante delicto with a member of the same sex.  That servant, George Smith, claims that he once brought Chucky his breakfast in bed and found him with a male aide in what is described as an “unmistakable sexual position”.  Shortly thereafter, palace insiders branded Smith a drunk.  And?

Several of you have written in wondering what will become of Lizzie’s beloved corgis.  In her later years, Elizabeth stopped breeding the bitches, most of which descended from the first pup she had in the 1940s.  Once the last one passed away in 2018, QEII said she didn’t want any more – primarily because she couldn’t bear to leave a pet behind after her passing.  Leave it to Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie (they of those very special hats) to ignore the Queen’s wishes and gift her in 2021 with two corgi pups – Muick and Sandy.  Muick was allegedly presented as a companion following the death of Prince Philip – because nothing says, “Sorry about your dead husband” like a puppy!  In actuality, Muick was selected by Sarah Ferguson, who continues to live with her besmirched ex-hubby Prince Andrew on the Windsor Estate.  We hear the dogs will live out their days with Andy and Sarah.

 

Eichner vs. Booster

Our Ask Billy question came from Kurt in Los Angeles: “What is this feud between Billy Eichner and Joel Kim Booster about?”

Many people believe the problem started when Entertainment Weekly put both Eichner and Booster on their cover with the caption “Redefining the Rom-Com”.  Personally, I don’t think Billy enjoyed being lumped in with Booster.  So when he got a solo cover on Variety, he crowed about how his film Bros was historic because it’s a gay film being released by a major studio for theatrical release instead of “some streaming thing which feels disposable, or which is like one of a million Netflix shows”.  Many took this as a dig against Fire Island – a gay film starring Booster on Hulu (close enough).  Booster had this to say:  “It seems like [Billy] was pretty inarticulate in his excitement about his movie getting a theatrical release, which is really fucking cool and something I’m sure the studio and his publicist is making him constantly talk about.  God knows I’ve said plenty of dumb shit without a publicist’s help.”  He added, “I’m excited to see ‘Bros’ on the big screen and wish Billy nothing but the best.  I truly hope you can enjoy both or neither of our movies without pitting them against each other.”  Eichner then clarified that he was “not at ALL referring to the quality” of these other projects, gave kudos to Joel, and ended with “we are all in this together”.  Early reviews are largely positive.

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When Eichner’s trying to top Booster (as if), it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  It’s a little bit funny – last week we were talking about the 25th anniversary of Princess Diana’s funeral, and now we have another royal funeral upon us.  While I try to lock in my date for the festivities, you can check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’s anything but disposable.  Of course, I’m currently in Europe and didn’t pack my black jock strap.  If you have a suggestion of appropriate attire, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before somebody (other than Jonathan Groff) calls Lea “the new belter”!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

 

Spit-Gate

Then there’s Spit-Gate.  We’re referring to reports that Harry Styles spat on Chris Pine as he took his seat at the Venice Film Festival.  Pine was already seated when Harry arrived and kinda leaned over Pine’s lap.  You don’t see any saliva, but you do see Pine look down in his lap, and shoot a look that says, “Really??”  Of course, Styles has no reputation of such behavior previously.  A rep for the film said it’s “an odd online illusion that is clearly deceiving and allows for foolish speculation.”  And what’s wrong with that?  Styles even played along at his next concert.  “This is our tenth show at Madison Square Garden.  It’s wonderful, wonderful, wonderful to be back in New York.  I just popped very quickly to Venice to spit on Chris Pine.”  Check out the videos on BillyMasters.com.

When I started this column 27 years ago, even a hint of same-sex liaisons was enough to torpedo a career.  Now, it’s how you make one.  Lots of people have their panties in a bunch over Styles’ gender-bending outfits and teasing innuendos of frolicking with men.  Yet when Lady Gaga does it, she’s a goddess.  Do any of us know who pop stars sleep with?  I don’t – with one notable exception which you can read about in James Gavin’s bestseller, George Michael – A Life.  It used to be that gay people pretended to be straight to not jeopardize their careers.  If the converse is now true, ain’t that progress?

See Lea as Fanny

Last week was the culmination of a dream for Lea Michele – to appear as Fanny Brice in Funny Girl on Broadway.  According to reports, she got four standing ovations in the first act alone.  Several recordings from the night have surfaced, which prove that she can sing the role well – at least for now.  I wasn’t there, so this isn’t a review.  But I am told her assumption is very much like a Streisand tribute show – and that’s neither bad nor good.  Nor is it without precedent.  The first national tour of Funny Girl was led by Marilyn Michaels, who not only could sing but was also a gifted impressionist – specializing in Babs.  Maybe that’s what Lea’s going for.  I hear the show certainly has more life, the tempi are generally brisker, and it’s all just a bit like…well, you all saw the movie.  Alas, after a handful of shows, Michele is already out.  She’ll miss at least ten days, due to a positive Covid test.  Or maybe she’s a second-rate diva who can’t sustain.  In the meantime, listen to her renditions on BillyMasters.com.

By the by, I’m told that Lea’s contract dictates that she will get to make her own cast recording.  I wouldn’t be surprised if that is rushed for holiday sales.  Michele also insisted on reinstating the full ending to “The Music That Makes Me Dance” in addition to adding Fanny’s “I’d Rather Be Blue”, which was included in the film.

God Speed, Lizzie

“The old woman finally died. 
Billy Masters left this as a voice message for a friend.  Said friend was sure I meant Barbara Walters
But BW will outlive us all, much to the chagrin of her handsome daughter, Jackie.

The Queen is dead.  Long live the King.  It just occurred to me – for the first time in my life, people will be singing “God Save the King”.  As for QEII’s passing, I predicted this after she did that sketch with Paddington Bear on her Jubilee.  Like that other Queen Elizabeth (Taylor), whose final film was The Flintstones, some old broads do one project too many!

Luke Evans Frolicking

Our Ask Billy question came from Henry in San Francisco: “I just saw some pics of Luke Evans and a guy hotter than him on vacation.  Who is he?  And is it serious?”

Luke was recently in Ibiza with the very sexy and strapping Spaniard, Fran Tomas.  But this is not a new relationship – the couple has been together for about a year.  And, yes, Fran is unbearably hot – if you like that good-looking, muscular Latin type.  Of course, Luke is no slouch in that department.  While Fran is a bit buffer, Evans is more ripped – quite an accomplishment for someone a decade older!  Fran works in architecture and design, with a background in real estate and construction.  And he clearly has lots of free time to globe-trot with the hunky Evans.  To see some sexy snaps, check out BillyMasters.com.

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When I’m looking forward to the next celebrity funeral, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  With the temperature starting to dip, I’m winging off to Europe.  While I would have joined Luke and Fran in Ibiza, I really don’t like all that spitting.  Instead, I’ll start out on an undisclosed Greek Isle, and then off in a former Eastern Bloc land scouting Bel Ami types.  In fact, this may be a country that blocks www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’s been known to enjoy a foreign tongue or two (typically at the same time).  If you’d like me to find you a slot, write to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Stavros and I dry off.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Varla Update

Since many of you have asked, Varla Jean Merman is recuperating comfortably.  As you’ll recall, she had a mishap with a Tic Tac which resulted in major surgery – don’t you hate when that happens?  We have more details to share.  The Merm suffered a complete detachment of her quads at the tendon and fractured her kneecap.  While it’s easy to knock the old girl over, it’s hard to keep the old girl down.  After taking a week off, she is returning to finish out the season at Provincetown’s Crown & Anchor.  “The show must go on!  Honestly, I need to laugh now more than anyone at this time…even if I’m in a wheelchair.”  Oh, yes, you read right – wheelchair!  Dash down to Ptown to see the newly revised Varla Jean Merman’s Ready To Blow…On Wheels.  I predict these will be shows you’ll be able to tell the kids about for years to come.  Grab a ticket (if you can) at OnlyAtTheCrown.com.

Mistaken Identities

Another way to know the summer is coming to a close is when the US Open takes place.  This year’s festivities took several bizarre turns – the most staggering being when fans cheered the appearance of Beyoncé.  Except it wasn’t Queen B – it was Laverne Cox!  Allegedly, people made the mistake because she was wearing a mask.  Yeah, and when I have on a mask, I’m often mistaken for Brad Pitt!!!  The mistaken identities did not end there.  Days later, Dionne Warwick appeared courtside – and was ID’d by the announcer as Gladys Knight!  I’m not sure which diva should be more insulted.  Feisty Auntie Dionne decided to Tweet about it.  “Hi, I’m Gladys Knight…and instead of taking that midnight train to Georgia, I won’t walk on by but will say a little prayer for you.”

One Last Hurrah

Reports of the passing of the Summer of ’22 have been greatly exaggerated.  Despite accepting that fall was upon us, I stubbornly needed one last hurrah.  Back to Provincetown I went – damn the chill in the air and those elongated shadows.  My last official outing was seeing Steven Brinberg’s Simply Barbra at the Provincetown Art House (PtownArtHouse.com).  As always, Brinberg is a delight replicating every vocal inflection, tic and nuance of the diva.  But he doesn’t stop with Streisand – he evokes at least a dozen other luminaries, including Eartha Kitt, Bette Davis, Ethel Merman, Lena Horne, Bea Arthur, and even the great Anthony Newley.  A highlight was his tribute to Hello, Dolly!, which turned into a duet…and then a trio.  You have to see it to believe it.  The special guest appearance of crooner Nicolas King was just the icing on an already rich cake.  Check him out if he comes to your locale – the full schedule is at SimplyBarbra.com.

I was both tickled and humbled by the many people who came up to me after the show to say they’re fans of the column or of Billy Masters LIVE (we’re currently on a hiatus).  It really touched me – which also happened later at Velvet’s underwear party.  Come to think of it, I was also tickled there…among other places.

 

The War on Christmas

Then there’s a diva smackdown which started when Mariah Carey decided to trademark the title Queen of Christmas due to her hit “All I Want For Christmas” (which someone else claims to have written).  This has enraged Darlene Love – who recorded “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” back in 1963.  Since 1986, Love sang her song every year for David Letterman, who termed her the Queen of Christmas – although I don’t believe anyone filled out that pesky paperwork.  When Darlene heard of Carey’s intentions, she made a statement of her own: “Is it true that Mariah trademarked Queen of Christmas?  What does that mean, that I can’t use the title?  David Letterman officially declared me the Queen of Christmas 29 years ago, a year before she released ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ and at 81 years of age, I’m NOT changing anything.  I’ve been in the business for 52 years, have earned it and can still hit those notes!  If Mariah has a problem, call David Letterman or my lawyer!”

Wendy’s Late Nite Walk

Just before this column went out, I was sent a video of Wendy Williams on a late-night cigarette and liquor run.  First, let’s start with her appearance – scary skinny, crepey skin, wearing a barely-there pair of denim shorts and some sort of halter top – to say nothing of those crazy eyes.  And yet, she was walking alone in normal sneakers and aided by a cabbie (who she took a selfie with).  The next day, she’s out holding the arm of a security man for dear life and walking gingerly (still with the crazy eyes – as if she actually cannot see).  All of this comes on the heels of reports that her son, Kevin Jr., had charged over $100K to Mom’s personal American Express card – which we hear is why her assets were frozen.  You can see all on BillyMasters.com.

Varla Down!

Our beloved Varla Jean Merman has been wowing crowds at The Crown & Anchor with her new show, Ready To Blow.  Last week, she was in the middle of a particularly intricate dance break during “Anything Goes” when she slipped either on water, a Tic Tac, or a pill with a dolphin on it.  Down she went with a thud.  Of course, the audience laughed – they thought it was a bit!  Meanwhile, Varla couldn’t get off the floor – because that’s a whole lotta Varla!  We hear details about big, burly bartenders, EMTs, a gurney, an ambulance and an ER.  And an emergency surgery, because she detached her whozeewhatzit and fractured her whatchamacallit.  As of this writing, Varla is resting comfortably and is already talking about returning to the show…in a wheelchair!

Another Ptown Season

I wrapped up my summer in Provincetown with two extraordinary shows (to say nothing of one of the greatest sexual experiences of my life…but that’s another story).  Marilyn Maye celebrated her 12th year at the Provincetown Art House with 94: Of Course There’s More.  To say that Maye is not approaching 100 gingerly is an understatement.  She continues to conquer audiences with vocal abilities that transcend age.  The run included her traditional mantra of “It’s Today” – complete with high kicks – which you can see on our website.

Following Maye was a veritable youngster making his Ptown debut.  Max von Essen has wowed audiences on Broadway and beyond.  The delightful, dashing and debonair crooner chose a selection of (primarily) standards which fit his pristine vocals like a glove.  He truly is a throwback to a time where technique and talent ruled – and his encore without assistance of amplification proved just that.  A clip can be found on BillyMasters.com.

 

Schock Resurfaces

Our Ask Billy question came out of left field (you see how I did that?).  Norm in Chicago writes, “Someone told me there are new photos of Aaron Schock circulating.  Have you seen them?”

If they’re the photos I’m thinking of, they’re no big deal.  But the reaction is interesting.  Every bar has a presence on social media where they will post photos of their more attractive clientele.  The Eagle in NYC is no different – except usually their clientele is in some form of undress…or leather…or, occasionally, both.  Eagle eyes spotted the disgraced congressman flashing his flesh next to someone sucking on something (don’t get your hopes up).  One person commented, “It’s pathetic how low the gay community will go for a guy with abs.”  Trust me, I can go lower.  In fact, head on over to BillyMasters.com and you, too, could be Schock’s proctologist!

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When we can’t go any lower, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  And there’s even more to see on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that gets to the bottom every time.  If you have a question, dash it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Rosie’s next book review!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

 

Take Me Out…Again

Earlier this year, Take Me Out was a big hit on Broadway.  It won Tony Awards for Best Revival of a Play and Best Featured Actor for Jesse Tyler Ferguson.  It was such a hit, it’s coming back.  Starting on October 27th, Ferguson will join the revival’s mesmerizing star Jesse Williams for a strictly limited 14-week run.  We don’t know which former cast members will return, but we do know that phones will again be locked to prevent nude footage from leaking out.  Of course, you can already see the entire Broadway cast nude on BillyMasters.com.

Daley and Black Bust Up

Last week Tom Daley and hubby Dustin Lance Black went to a drag show at Ku Bar in London’s Chinatown.  After the show, they went to another gay bar, Freedom.  There they met Teddy Edwardes, founder of LICK Events.  She claims that she invited them to join her group and even bought them drinks.  Then a random guy sat down and made them feel uncomfortable.  So Teddy asked security to move the guy away.  While this was going on, Lance started grumbling and got up to leave.  And that’s when he threw a drink at Teddy, which she said was “pretty much unprovoked”.  The term “pretty much unprovoked” got my hackles up (whatever the fuck “hackles” are). 

Teddy continues, “I didn’t have a drink to throw back so I did choose violence, but I wasn’t that violent.  He got a little tap on the back of the head.”  I need some clarification on how we are defining a “little tap”?  There’s my “little tap”, and then there’s a lesbian “little tap” – which might render me unconscious!  Teddy adds, “Tom Daley was lovely throughout.  He was just trying to diffuse the situation, but unfortunately, his American, Oscar-winning filmmaker husband had other plans…what a fucking mess.”  The other plans were as follows.  “Tell me why he is crying outside saying it’s a targeted attack and that he’s traumatized and called the police, and I had to wait there for hours whilst the police were asking questions…And now I have been cautioned and I have to go in for interviews.  I’m sorry, but what level of rich, privileged shit makes someone think they can throw a drink over someone and nothing will happen?  Because if I throw a drink over someone, I expect shit to go down!”

 

Rosie Remembers Heche

While Anne Heche was on life support, Rosie O’Donnell took to social media to say she was “feeling bad that I made fun of her when she was talking to Barbara Walters about having a relationship with space aliens.”  After her death, Rosie decided to sit down and read Heche’s memoir, Call Me Crazy.  It didn’t take long before she found a troublesome passage – which I will quote here: “I was promoting, I think, Donnie Brasco, and I went on the Rosie O’Donnell Show.  So when I was in my dressing room, I got a knock on the door and Rosie comes in and sets herself down uncomfortably in front of me and basically states, ‘Let me cut to the point.  If you bring up the fact that you and Ellen are a couple, I will not promote you.  We will erase this episode…If you bring her up, if you bring up gay love, if you bring up love, if you bring up anything to do with the movement that you feel that you’re a part of, you will not have your film promoted.”  Heche hastens to add that O’Donnell was not out at that time.

Rosie responds to this portion of Anne’s book.  “I would say not true and not likely.  I can’t imagine ever saying anything like that to anyone, never mind a guest about to appear on my show.  So no, that was not accurate, and kind of shocking to hear it, truthfully…No way in God’s green hell.  So I’m sorry that we never got to talk about that.  But I never said that to anyone in my life.”  Rosie kinda affirmed her stance by posting a second appearance by Heche on her talk show where they both spoke openly about Ellen.  So there!

Tommy Lee Exposed

Someone who always shows all is rocker Tommy Lee, which leads us into our Ask Billy question.  Randy in San Diego writes, “I heard Tommy Lee posted a nude photo on social media.  But I can’t find it.  Was it a mistake?  And do you have it?”

Tommy Lee is crazy…like a fox.  He knew exactly what he was doing with this full-frontal faux pas.  It popped up on Instagram and, within 10 minutes, disappeared.  Tommy replaced it with a meme of a naked man standing in front of an elephant asking him, “How do you breathe through that little thing?”  Oh, that Tommy is a card!  And he’s in as enviable shape as ever, as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

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When Tommy only needs one additional stick to play the drums, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  If that whets your appetite, no need to get behind the wheel.  Just cruise on over to www.BillyMasters.com – the site that always has something to munch on.  If you have a question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before anyone calls me crazy!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Who’s Your Daddy

KJ Apa of Riverdale fame (to say nothing of numerous crossword puzzles) got gay tongues wagging worldwide by posting a photo with Eric Dane with the caption “New couple alert”.  While some hoped this meant Apa would be joining the cast of Euphoria, the twosome is actually shooting a movie.  One Fast Move finds Eric playing KJ’s daddy – and, alas, I mean his biological father.  A boy can dream…

Rest in Peace, Livvy

Over the years, I was fortunate to spend lots of time with Olivia Newton-John both onstage and off, most memorably when I hosted her only concert of 2008 – at LA Pride.  As many have said, the best way to describe her personality was “sunny”.  Fast forward to 2020, when I hosted a special Billy Masters LIVE to celebrate 50 years of LA Pride.  I thought Olivia would be a great guest, so I reached out to her publicist and bestie, my bon ami Michael Caprio.  ONJ was game, but technologically couldn’t do it due to unreliable Internet at her ranch.  Unexpectedly, a couple of hours before our live show, I got an e-mail from Caprio.  “Olivia was sorry she couldn’t join you live, but thought you might be able to use this.”  Attached was a video she shot, wishing us a happy Pride, saying how sorry she was she couldn’t join us live, and saluting our efforts.  She had nothing to gain from it – she just wanted us all to know she was there.  Thanks, Livvy.

Anne’s Wild Ride

We’ve all seen those movies – those trashy slasher flicks when the killer is carried out on a gurney, covered by a sheet, and then pops up and kills the EMT.  Well, there was a real-life equivalent of this very situation (minus the murder, naturally).  Anne Heche – who was in the remake of Psycho – was driving erratically through Mar Vista, California, shortly after buying a red wig.  She was caught on camera almost mowing down a pedestrian, and then refusing to stop after nicking a garage.  That’s when she turned someone’s house into a McDonald’s drive-thru.  For some inexplicable reason, she pulled into a driveway, plowed through the living room of one Lynne Mishele, and continued about three-quarters of the way through the house – which is impressive when you consider she was driving a Mini Cooper!  Eventually the car stopped and everything was ablaze, while Heche was still in her car – perhaps singing along to a Crosby, Stills and Nash CD.

Police, fire, and rescue officers were called to the scene, while one chopper caught everything on live TV – without anyone realizing the driver was marginally famous.  In a moment of blatant sexism, the reporter wondered aloud if “he” (the driver) was OK – as if a woman couldn’t have possibly caused such a commotion.  After close to an hour, a body was extricated from the passenger side of the car, placed on a gurney, and covered in a sheet.  The reporter described the grim scene when, all of a sudden, up popped Anne Heche, as if to say, “I’m OK!”  It was an unbelievable sight!  Despite this last surge of strength, the brain injuries were too extensive, and she passed away a week later.  Who would have thought her last filmed appearance would be the most compelling of her life?

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Prior to Anne’s death, her most notable ex was ambushed by a “journalist”.  Ellen was asked what she thought of Heche’s condition.  “We’re not in touch with each other, so I wouldn’t know.”  DeGeneres added, “I don’t want anyone to be hurt.”  While she has been criticized for being cool, Ellen was far more sympathetic than a few of my exes would have been (although, for the record, my response would be warmer – ‘cause, you know, I’m a giver).

The Turkish Timothée

We have time for a very brief Ask Billy question.  Dan in Miami asks, “I just read an article about some guy called the Turkish Timothée Chalamet.  Who is he?”

It all started with the UK reality show, Love Island.  Viewers got to meet family members of some contestants, including Ekin-Su’s brother, Arda Cülcüloğlu.  Social media quickly noted the striking resemblance to Chalamet.  Since then, people have gone crazy.  While I know nothing about him, I’m happy to post some photos on BillyMasters.com.

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When we’re bringing you some Turkish delight, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Of course, more awaits you on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’s muy internazionale.  As always, send your questions to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before any of my paramours even MEET my parents!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

 

Shum Reports For Duty

Look for a familiar face to turn up on Grey’s Anatomy.  One of the new residents joining the cast for season 19 is Harry Shum Jr.  We’re told there’s a good reason why the sexy Glee alum is older than all of the other residents.  If it involves being naked, I’m all for it.

Filmmaker M. Night Shyamalan has announced that Jonathan Groff and Ben Aldridge will play a gay couple in Knock at the Cabin.  In the film, the boys bring their adopted daughter to a secluded New England cabin for a long weekend.  I don’t even need to read beyond that to know that nothing good will happen at this cabin.

Franco as Fidel

There’s a film in the works about Alina Fernández, Fidel Castro’s illegitimate daughter.  Alina of Cuba will star Ana Villafañe.  And her famous dad will be played by James Franco – ‘cause he’s so versatile!  Needless to say, the reaction was revolutionary.  One of the people expressing outrage is John Leguizamo.  “I don’t got a prob with Franco but he ain’t Latino!”  The film’s producer, John Martinez O’Felan, shot back by revealing that Franco is actually Latin – by way of Portugal (I don’t think that helped).  Naturally, the real-life Alina is supporting the project.  She points out, with justifiable pride, that “the project is almost entirely Latino, both in front and behind the camera”.  As to the casting, she states, “James Franco has an obvious physical resemblance with Fidel Casto, besides his skills and charisma.”  Leguizamo is unmoved.  “So, no, no.  Appropriating our stories – no more of that.  I’m done with that.”  Does this means that only a Cubano should play Castro?  Could someone from another Latin background play the role?  Do actors need to submit a headshot, a resume, and a 23AndMe profile to casting agents?

Family Secrets

As you know, I believe people should do whatever they enjoy doing – within the limits of their local ordinances, of course.  But even my laissez-faire attitude was pushed to the limit when I read a recent column by Dan Savage.  A reader wanted to know if he should continue to date someone who previously had a threesome with his parents!  Note the plural – parentS.  As in both.  And this is not a situation where the person had two fathers.  These were parents of the opposite sex.  If the letter is to be believed, the discovery was made when the writer introduced his beau to his parents.  Turns out that the three of them hooked up a decade earlier, during what the boyfriend refers to as his “big bi slut phase”.  Again, I am not one to judge, but no – this would be a deal-breaker.  I’m sure the boyfriend is lovely, and perhaps I could get past him sleeping with one of my parents.  Although I suppose it would depend which one.

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Joe Manganiello made a fascinating discovery about his family.  The Magic Mike II star, best known for his body of work, was having his family tree researched by Henry Louis Gates Jr. for Finding Your Roots.  That’s when we learned that Manganiello’s fifth great-grandfather was black!  I don’t know what it is about this news that titillates me, but I suddenly find myself extremely jealous of Sofia Vergara!

Then we have Republican Glenn Thompson, a member of the House of Representatives who recently voted against codifying same-sex marriage.  Three days after that vote, he not only attended the same-sex wedding of his son Kale to Phil Green, but made a speech – an audio recording of which has gone public.  Not only does Thompson say, “We’re just blessed”, but also praises his son finding a man he could spend the rest of his life with.

Swimsuit Model Uncovered

Our Ask Billy question comes from Harry in Detroit:  “I keep seeing ads for Vacay Swimwear with an absolutely gorgeous blond boy.  Who is he?”

That would be the luscious Max Wyatt – a fitness model and frequent presence on social media.  He’s British, but currently lives in Dubai.  He is allegedly 24 – I say allegedly because he’s been on YouTube since 2012!  He’s also ostensibly straight, but has had an occasional presence on OnlyFans, where he’s treated his gay fans to some racier content.  Needless to say, some of that content will pop up on BillyMasters.com.

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When I’m down for some drilling in Dubai, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  We ran so long, I barely have time to remind you to check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site where things pop up at an alarming rate.  For your pressing needs, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before I tell WHO the what, where, when, why and how of my summer plans.  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

 

NPH and the City

Last week, the entire first season of Uncoupled dropped on Netflix.  This is Neil Patrick Harris and Darren Star’s attempt at a gay Sex and the City – for those of you who thought SATC was straight!  Neil is dumped by Tuc Watkins on his 50th birthday – which is a great trick for a 55-year-old (it’s called acting, dah-ling).  Tisha Campbell steals every scene she’s in.  Marcia Gay Harden wins points by simply walking with panache.  Brooks Ashmanskas has the best lines – “I’m not on Grindr.  It’s nothing but bottoms.  And tops…who are also bottoms.”  It’s a funny line, except two episodes later, he shows Neil his Grindr profile.  Continuity, kids!  It was great seeing my pal Gilles Marini pop Neil’s newly-single cherry, and one must applaud any show that features Watkins shirtless in the first 15 minutes.  But for the record, no upwardly mobile gay would have such a janky plastic toothbrush!  The show rests on NPH’s shoulders (and, for the record, his body looks amazing).  He spends most of the time appearing old, and dour, and bitter – which is what happens when you’re dumped with no notice after 17 years (I say from experience).  I wasn’t grabbed or engaged or entertained.  But I did watch all eight episodes – just for you, my little petals!  Will it return?  Should it?  And what will happen?  Stay tuned.

 

Joni and Friends Jam

One of my more significant exes was quite a devotee of Joni Mitchell.  While I had a passing interest in the Canadian songstress, I was more of a Joan Baez kinda guy – as evidenced by my signature rendition of “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down”.  After a brain aneurysm in 2015, Joni hasn’t performed publicly.  In fact, she’s barely walked publicly.  She has, however, had numerous gatherings at her home where singers and musicians have gathered to “jam” – and, recently, she’s taken baby steps and cautiously joined in.  She took a giant step forward last week when Joni Jams took to the stage at the Newport Folk Festival.  Under the leadership of Brandi Carlile, Joni sang, played the guitar, and luxuriated alongside her younger colleagues.  It’s fascinating that Mitchell singing more than an octave lower with the thread of a voice is being lauded while Barbra, who occasionally lowers songs by a few keys, is criticized.  Perhaps if she had a stroke…

Adele has announced new dates for her Las Vegas residency.  She will now play Caesars Palace November 18th through March 25th, and tickets start at over $1K!  My advice is to sit this one out.  In the words of George W. Bush, “Fool me once, shame on – shame on you.  Fool me…you can’t get fooled again.”  Meanwhile, fans of Bruce Springsteen were shocked to find tickets for his upcoming shows starting at over $4K.  This is due to Ticketmaster’s “dynamic pricing” – which seems like legalized scalping to me.

 

Love Is In The Air

Love is in the air, if not in public.  Sexy ABC reporter James Longman married Alex Brannan at a Registry Office in London – which is kinda like people in the US going to the courthouse.  Brannan captioned the photo by saying, “Don’t worry guys.  I made him sign a prenup.”  Longman took to social media to explain the lack of pomp.  “Small disclaimer: this was just the legal bit.  Just thought it would be romantic to come back from Ukraine and make it official.  Big fun wedding next year for all our family and friends.”  I eagerly await my invitation.

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It’s no secret that I find JoJo Siwa incredibly annoying.  But when she makes news, I must report.  In the midst of a recent TikTok game, JoJo put up images to answer statements.  In response to “Rudest celebrity I’ve ever met”, she put up a photo of Candace Cameron Bure.  Well, color me shocked – I can’t believe anyone referred to Candace Cameron Bure as a “celebrity”!  Bure responded with this quote: “Trust the Lord always”.  Well, isn’t that special?

Siwa also revealed that she doesn’t like the term “lesbian”.  “At the end of the day, that’s what I am.  It’s like the word ‘moist’.  It’s like…ugh.”  And I promise to never again utter the word “lesbian” alongside the word “moist”.

The Man in the Middle

Speaking of hotties, our Ask Billy question comes from Thomas in Chicago:  “Did you see that hot guy at the January 6th hearings?  He was sitting behind Matthew Pottinger, and everyone is trying to figure out who he is.”

That would be Alex Wollet.  He’s 23 years old and described as a medical student who is doing a fellowship at the National Institutes of Health.   More than one person on social media described him as Clark Kent – more to the point, an exceptionally hot Clark Kent (no offense to any Clark Kents past or present).  We’re told that Alex is dating witness Sarah Matthews, who was sitting next to Mr. Pottinger.  This might explain the “Witness” ID which was clipped to Wollet’s lapel.  You can see what all the fuss is about on BillyMasters.com.

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When we’re swooning over a witness for the prosecution, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  I had no idea the January 6th hearings could be so riveting.  I wonder what they’ll do for season 2!  If there’s anything of note, it’ll turn up on www.BillyMasters.com – the site the site that has its finger on more than the pulse of its subjects!  If you have a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before I ask Alex, “Wanna kiss me, ducky?”.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

The Hottest & Biggest Daddy

The Tennessee Williams estate has given permission for the first off-Broadway production of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.  It is being produced by Ruth Stage and runs through August 14th at The Theater at St. Clements in NYC (RuthStage.org).  If we only had the sexy Matt de Rogatis to look forward to as Brick, that would be cause enough to celebrate.  But we also have the sexiest Big Daddy that ever was (paired with the amazing Alison Fraser as Big Mama).  Christian Le Blanc – known to many as Michael Baldwin on The Young and the Restless – will be the patriarch.  While Big Daddy is often portrayed as a doddering, paunchy, ancient man, Le Blanc’s shirtless pics prove there’s more than one way to skin a cat…and you’ll see a whole lotta skin on BillyMasters.com.

Rosie & Kathy Go Public

Last week, Rosie O’Donnell and Kathy Griffin joined forces to raise money for Friendly House, a women’s addiction treatment center in LA.  It was Griffin’s first time performing standup since her treatment for lung cancer, and she was welcomed back with a standing ovation.  But the night also marked the first public appearance of O’Donnell with her girlfriend, Aimee Hauer, who is a massage therapist.

Since we’re doling out good news, sexy Matt Dallas and his equally hunky hubby Blue Hamilton just made an announcement – they’ve adopted a daughter.  She came into their lives in a serendipitous way.  The couple chaperoned a field trip that their son Crow was on.  They noticed how well he got along with a classmate, Rosa.  Fast forward, a social worker called to see if they might be interested in adopting a girl.  They thought, “If it was a little girl like Rosa…we would be over the moon.”  Turns out, it WAS Rosa!  Bing, bang, boom – instant family!

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In one of the most curious collaborations ever, Spanish auteur Pedro Almodóvar is set to make his long-awaited first English-language film – Strange Way of Life – about two aging gunslingers who have an “intimate relationship”.  One of those cowboys will be played by Ethan Hawke, while the other will be Pedro Pascal.  Almodóvar calls this film “my answer to Brokeback Mountain.”  God willing, something actually happens in this 30-minute flick.  Filming begins in August.

 

Courtroom Drama

Anyone can sue over anything.  There is no guilt or innocence associated with a suit – other than it being an annoyance.  But with famous people, there’s another game that goes on.  If a famous person misbehaves, the victim will often say, “I’ll sue” – which often results in a payoff.  But some celebs play a game of chicken and say, “Go ahead” – because they know most people won’t bother.  If a suit is filed, it can go one of two ways – the celeb may feely cocky enough to let it go to trial, or they may up the ante and pay to have the complaint withdrawn without explanation.  Make no mistake – a withdrawn case does not mean one is innocent.  And that’s all I’m gonna say.

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In light of the Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade, the House of Representatives took steps to codify same-sex marriage by federal law – something I suspect we’ll see happen with many issues.  The vote for the Respect for Marriage Act overwhelmingly went our way.  And it gives one hope when you note that 47 Republicans joined their 220 Democratic colleagues to preserve the ruling.  However, one cannot ignore that 157 Republicans voted against it.  Many say it has no chance of passing the Senate, but stranger things have happened.

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In a story I thought we’d heard the last of, US Marshals are searching for a man who abducted Lady Gaga’s dogs and shot her hot gay dog walker, Ryan FischerJames Howard Jackson was one of the three people charged with the abducting and shooting.  And yet, he was released from prison in April due to a “clerical error”.  Fischer, who is no longer in Gaga’s employ, spoke out on the subject.  “I ask for Mr. Jackson to turn himself over to the authorities so resolution to the crime committed against me runs its course, whatever the courts determine that outcome to be.”

In other old news, we hear that Armie Hammer is broke and trying to sell timeshares in the Cayman Islands!  The employment opportunity is a way for the disgraced actor (who really is quite talented) to support his stay near where his two children live with his ex-wife.  After denying that Hammer was working as a Caymans concierge, his lawyer says he can neither confirm nor deny that he’s selling timeshares.  What we do know is that Hammer recently flew back to LA, as he was seen in Venice looking no worse for wear.  Rumors abound that he’s enlisted the aid of Robert Downey Jr. to help rehabilitate his image.  Well, if anyone would know…

 

Riding Miss Calvin

Our Ask Billy question comes from Frank in West Hollywood:  “I just saw Calvin Klein walking down Santa Monica Boulevard with a really hot younger guy.  My friend said they were engaged.  Who is he?”

That would be Kevin Baker, who is described as a 34-year-old model who looks like he’s the love child of Matt Bomer and Brandon Routh…and I’ll pause so you can luxuriate in that image.  The couple has been together for about seven years, but an engagement would be news to me…and to everyone else.  To date, Klein has never spoken publicly about any of his male paramours – and that includes Baker’s predecessor, Nick Gruber.  But here’s the interesting part – like Gruber, Baker is said to have a gay porn past.  It’s been alleged that Kevin was once Jacob Johnson, who did online videos for Flirt4Free.  He has also posed with his brother Joel, who is equally hot.  As they say, a photo is worth a thousand words, so you can check out a few thousand at BillyMasters.com.

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When we’re bringing you a Baker’s dozen, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  What a column – from someone accused of sleeping with his nephew, to brothers cavorting together, to folks dating people half their age!  Actually, Klein and Kevin kinda look like father and son.  And you know what they say – like father, like son.  But do they have to like each other?  For more deep thoughts, check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that always goes deep.  If you have a question, send it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before I schedule a conjugal visit with my latest pen pal.  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Marriage Brit Style

In a couple of slots I can certainly get behind, Matt Bomer and Jonathan Bailey are set to join forces for the miniseries Fellow Travelers.  The series, which is set in the 1950s, is referred to as a “love story and political thriller” – and who doesn’t love those?  Bomer plays a political operative, and Bailey is a recent college graduate.  I didn’t think I’d live long enough to see Matt Bomer cast as the older man!

Speaking of older men, Graham Norton is no longer on the market.  The plucky presenter wed his beau at a private ceremony in County Cork, Ireland.  While Norton has not shared many details – like the name of the person he married – we do know that Lulu sang.  And, while he’s mum, my sources tell me that Graham’s spouse is Scottish filmmaker Jonothan McLeod.  Here’s what Norton said only a year ago: “I prefer to be unhappy alone.  That’s the bottom line.  And I’m not even unhappy.”  He added this: “The older you get, the less right you have to be picky, but the pickier you become.  And your dating pool becomes smaller and smaller – but that’s because you want it to be.  When you’re young, it’s the opposite – you know you could be picky, but you’re not.”  I don’t believe that’s a universally held opinion.  I was FAR pickier in my youth.  Now, I’m hot for murderers!

Not to be outdone, we hear that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez married this weekend in Las Vegas.  Place your wagers now.

All About Lea

It finally happened – Lea Michele got cast as Fanny Brice in Funny Girl, which might more accurately be termed Funny Lady, since the 35-year-old Michele will play a teenager.  It’s been alleged that shortly after Beanie Feldstein’s reviews came out, Lea let the powers know that she was available to take over the role.  We’re told she’s having new costumes made to align with her interpretation – which I’m told is basically a Streisand impersonation.  Perhaps it will save the show.  Ticket sales recently dropped from 85% to 65%.  The hope is that the “Gleeks” will come out en masse once Michele debuts on September 6th.  However, Glee went off the air seven years ago, and most of the fans have moved on – some are already receiving a pension!  Add in that Lea is a polarizing figure – beloved by many, but widely painted as a “mean girl” by colleagues.  If anyone would know, it would be the current Mrs. Brice, Jane Lynch.  She was scheduled to leave the show on September 25th and planned to overlap with the new Fanny for a few weeks.  People anticipated a joyous Glee reunion.  However, once Lea was announced, Lynch pushed up her departure to September 4th – two days before Michele starts.  Coincidence?

As we went to print, Beanie cancelled a few more performances.  The reason?  Tonsillitis.  “Ya gotta laugh at a certain point.  When it rains, it pours…on your old pal Bean,” said Feldstein.  She hopes to do her last two weeks.

Restraining La Vida Loca

It was a bad week for Ricky Martin.  He’s being sued by his 21-year-old nephew for domestic abuse, which led to a restraining order issued on July 2nd.  But wait, there’s more.  This biological nephew, Dennis Yadiel Sanchez, claims that they had been in a romantic relationship!  Dennis says he broke up with Ricky two months ago, and that led to Ricky “loitering near the petitioner’s house”.  Ricky’s mouthpiece (famed lawyer Marty Singer) says, “Ricky Martin has, of course, never been – and would never be – involved in any kind of sexual or romantic relationship with his nephew.”  A hearing is set for July 21st.  I guess in Puerto Rico the wheels of justice move swiftly.

The Boys Gay Orgy

Our Ask Billy question comes from Jasper in Las Vegas:  “I heard that The Boys had a gay orgy scene.  True?  Who participated?”

Well, one man’s orgy is another man’s…well, we’re getting ahead of ourselves – which you never wanna do at an orgy.  While The Boys has more than its share of hot men, tales (or tails) of a gay orgy have been grossly exaggerated.  When Jensen Ackles filmed his first scene, he had to walk out of a cryogenic capsule completely naked (you can see all on BillyMasters.com).  “What better way to bring a new guy onto the set than make him take all his clothes off?” said Jensen.  “So, yeah, it was a nice intro for me into a completely foreign space with nothing on but a sock.”

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When anyone is wearing a sock to a gay orgy, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Obviously it wasn’t moi!  To paraphrase someone famous – I’ve known orgies, and that’s no orgy.  But you can find more than your fill at www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’s like a virtual orgy – but you won’t lose your socks!  If you have a gap that only I can fill, send specifics (and photos) to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before someone invites Jared Padalecki to an orgy!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

 

Funny Girl Shake Up

While I was in the theatre, another Broadway show made a shocking announcement.  Beanie Feldstein, who has helmed the Funny Girl revival and was scheduled to leave in September, has announced that her last show will be July 31st.  She gives a curious reason for her premature evacuation: “Once the production decided to take the show in a different direction, I made the extremely difficult decision to step away sooner than anticipated.”  She does not say what this “different direction” is – except perhaps the desire to make audiences happy.  Stay tuned.

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