“Well, I love soggy bottoms, so it’s got to be RuPaul’s Drag Race.”
– Jonathan Bailey was asked to choose between RuPaul’s Drag Race or
The Great British Bake Off.  As to “soggy bottoms”, he’d be more likely to find
them on the baking show, since most competitive drag queens tend to
be more…shall we say “aggressive”.  But methinks he’d like that, too.

Last week, a court case caught my eye.  Sean Charles Dunn, a former Defense Department employee, was being accused of misdemeanor assault, resisting arrest, and interfering with a federal office.  Normally I’m for all of that, but this case is particularly sweet because Dunn was charged with assaulting the officer in question with a “submarine-style sandwich”.  During the exchange, Mr. Dunn screamed, “Fuck you, you fucking fascists”.  The only thing he did that I can’t condone was that he attempted to flee the scene.  Frankly, I would have held up the Subway wrapper like Norma Rae. Oh, didn’t I mention – it was a Subway sub!  In the defense attorney’s opening statement, she said, “He did it.  He threw the sandwich” – which was the only thing to say since someone videotaped the incident.  She continued by characterizing the incident as “a harmless gesture that did not, could not, cause injury.”  That depends on what kinda sub it was.  When I get the Italian BMT with double meat, it’s pretty hefty.  The officer who was the recipient of the sandwich says that he “could smell the onions and mustard” on his uniform – and that the mustard stained his shirt.  I don’t think that counts as assault, but perhaps salt!  The prosecutor said, “Here we have the defendant, throwing a sandwich, but he’s throwing it hard.  That meets the definition of force.”  Alas, the jury didn’t see it that way.  Although they repeatedly had to be admonished by the judge for laughing during testimony, they did find Mr. Dunn not guilty.

Every once in a while, something happens that makes me long to be in LA.  Last weekend was one of those times, when the Academy’s Governors Awards were presented to Debbie Allen, Tom Cruise, Wynn Thomas, and Dolly Parton (who accepted via remote).  But this isn’t what I cared about.  On the eve of the event, Debbie held a party at her Dance Academy.  That’s where she coaxed Tom Cruise onto the dance floor to get jiggy wit it.  He did one of those dances like your mom did at weddings.  Or like Joy Behar does on The View – with the hands in the air and snapping.  Suddenly, so close that she could smell his Tinactin, appeared my Play Mama, the irrepressible Jenifer Lewis…in a head scarf!  And that, dear readers, is quite a sight to see.  See it you can…on BillyMasters.com.