“I discovered air conditioning and masturbation about the
same time in my life.  What a wild combo.”
– James Carville.  Every once in a while that crazy old man makes me laugh!

I read an interesting story about how the paucity of physical stores is putting a crimp on gay cruising.  The article claims that making eye contact in a department store could often lead to “other” things.  And I thought it was just me.  Over the years, I met three memorable men in Macy’s at the Dallas Galleria.  Admittedly, all three worked there.  But, like their employer, I had each of them fill various slots.  We limited our trysts to off-hours – except for one who helped measure my inseam.  In my youth, I worked at a Chess King and a Merry Go Round.  The closest I got to a proposition was an older gent who asked for my help with his sack.  Alas, it was just his purchases.

The new way to meet men is on planes.  Yes, flight attendants seem to be ripe for the picking.  Our story takes place on a JetBlue flight from Fort Lauderdale to LAX – a route I fly frequently.  Dennis Wally Woodbury, 49, was a passenger on April 13^th.  He’s also a former CHP captain.  According to the complaint, problems began before the flight left the gate.  When boarding, Woodbury showed one flight attendant a photo of his dog…and the photo had what is described as “pornographic imagery in the background”.  After food service (accompanied by copious amounts of alcohol), he allegedly slapped the flight attendant’s buttocks inappropriately – one might ask what an appropriate butt slap would have been.  Later, Woodbury walked to the front galley and exposed himself to the flight attendant – at which point he was told, “Enough!  Go back to your seat.”  Not the response he was expecting.  I can assure you these things never happened at Macy’s or Chess King.  I did hear rumors about Merry Go Round.

I was already beyond the mall cruising age when Abercrombie & Fitch became the “it” store.  Sure, I slept with some of their models – but that really falls under the category of “recreation” and “research”.  The former A&F CEO has been found unfit to stand trial for sex trafficking and an assortment of other charges.  Michael Jeffries, 80, went through extensive medical exams and was found to be suffering from Alzheimer’s disease and Lewy Body Dementia – allegedly residual effects of traumatic brain injury.  Doctors claim that his medical condition makes him unable to recall events or understand the legal charges against him.  Well, how convenient!  Alas, his partner Matthew Smith and his alleged “procurer” James Jacobson aren’t as lucky.  They still face charges.  While Jeffries cannot be criminally charged, the plaintiffs can file civil suits.