“What in the faggotry are you talking about?” 
– Gayle King quotes a Matteo Lane joke to his face.  While many people
were outraged by Gayle’s use of the word “faggotry”, Matteo wasn’t
one of them.  He said, “I love you, Gayle King.”

Another year, another Year End Review.  And not just any Year End Review.  This is our 30^th.  Which makes me…well, a little tired.  Days after I celebrated this professional milestone, Big Daddy Masters said farewell.  Well, he didn’t actually say farewell.  I believe his last words to me were, “I’m not sure who you are, but you look like a young Jack Palance.”  Well, at least he said “young”.  Rest in peace, Daddy.

When I started this little column in 1995, the Menendez boys were young men, and the murder of their parents had happened six years earlier.  Here we are, looking at them through the lens of 2025 sensibilities.  Certain evidence has come forward backing up their claims of sexual abuse (just don’t back up).  They qualified for parole, but were denied.  They can try again in three years.  I’ll still be here.

If we’ve learned nothing, we’ve learned that scooters are a death trap.  Despite my many tumbles, I never tumbled as hard as Danny Pintauro – but enough about our sex lives!  Last Thanksgiving, he was riding a scooter in the bike lane when it was suddenly blocked by a cone pylon.  He went to swerve, but a van was there.  Danny was literally stuck between a van and a hard pylon.  He chose the pylon and was able to report, “The pylons hurt!”  His injuries were mostly internal – a tear in his stomach lining, an infection in his bloodstream, and an ICU stay while intubated.  His astronomical medical bills required the assistance of a GoFundMe campaign.

Meanwhile in England, Dame Joan Collins was feeling frisky since finishing her flick about the Duchess of Windsor (coming to a streaming channel near you, I’m sure).  “I’m seeing an invasion of a different sort – the proliferation of rental bikes and powered scooters that litter our pavements.  I’ve recently been almost run over twice by ‘Lime bikes’.  I’ve also tripped over a bunch of discarded cycles on the streets of Belgravia.”  I believe Joanna Lumley starred in The Streets of Belgravia.  Anyway, Joan tried to get to the other side of the street, but there were barricades on the crosswalk.  Take my word for it – there is nothing better than watching a video of Dame Joan Collins trying to cross a street.  See it for yourself on BillyMasters.com.