“Today I’m here at my ranch
exercising some of my polo ponies.’” 
– John Walsh makes the most entitled white guy statement
ever while endorsing some supplement on a TV infomercial.

Last month, a bar in Greenfield, Massachusetts called Last Ditch made news after announcing Saturdays would be “mask-optional”.  It was noted that the other nights would still require masks.  Did I slip into some sort of time warp and it’s 2020 all over again?  Needless to say, the people who responded to this news were mostly people who wouldn’t be going to this club to begin with (which I suppose includes moi).  While many are categorizing the club as a lesbian bar, it’s reportedly somewhat diverse – although from what I’ve read, the lady-loving community makes up a large portion of the clientele.  When the esteemed Boston Globe reported this story, it surprisingly provoked the ire of the Western Massachusetts club of the Communist Party.  Now, I’ve been to Russia – I wouldn’t be surprised if some of those female comrades wouldn’t be at home at the Last Ditch.  Some of them may have actually dug ditches, but that’s a whole other kettle of borsch!  But what does any of this have to do with Communists?  They issued a statement: “The Western Massachusetts CPUSA rejects the use of conflicts among LGBTQIA+ people and organizations as a tool of division by the extreme right.  We affirm our solidarity with all those struggling against the genocide of transgender people.”  Which begs the question – Huh?

The big story of the week is…Carrot Top?  Whoever thought I’d consider Carrot Top a big story?  And yet, while I was in Las Vegas seeing Kathy Griffin (more on that later), Carrot Top was hospitalized following an apparent suicide attempt, which occurred a few days after a court hearing regarding allegations of extortion.  If everyone in this story was speaking Spanish, it would make one helluva telenovela!  The story has a whole lotta allegations, so try and keep up.  The legal part stems from allegations made by “singer” Brian Evans (some sources refer to him as a “crooner”).  Evans had worked as an opening act for Carrot Top (who we will refer to as CT) at Luxor in Las Vegas.  Evans alleged that CT sent him an “unsolicited sexually explicit video”.  If I had a nickel…  Through lawyers, CT claimed that Evans demanded various amounts of money ranging from several hundred thousand to several million dollars, or he’d release the video.  Obviously, Evans has denied those allegations.  Both parties were in court hashing this out days before CT’s alleged suicide attempt.  Since then, CT’s lawyers have asked the court to stop Evans from releasing any “intensely private material on a docket monitored by national media”.  The filing also refers to Carrot Top as a “national icon and entertainment treasure”.  To say nothing of the benefits to eyesight!

I know what you’re thinking – what is on the video?  For that, we go back to 2021, when CT met one Zachary Defazio on Grindr.  This took place in Winter Park, FL – where CT owns property.  Despite Defazio only being 19 years old, they met at a bar.  According to Defazio’s declaration, CT bought him alcohol and he was too inebriated to consent to a sexual encounter (we assume someone on Grindr wasn’t necessarily opposed to it either).  It’s alleged that is when the video was taken – roughly in October 2021.  In a separate legal action, Defazio’s attorneys accused CT of “sexual exploitation, emotional distress and furnishing alcohol to a person under 21”.  They were seeking a $7.5 million settlement, which would remain “confidential” – in other words, it wouldn’t show up in a Billy Masters column.  And yet, here it is.  Although that case was recently dropped, Defazio’s declaration can be found on BillyMasters.com – along with a still photograph purported to be from the video in question.