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26 October 2020

“Homosexuals have a right to be a part of the family.  They’re children of God
and have a right to a family.  Nobody should be thrown out or be made
miserable because of it…What we have to create is a civil union law. 
That way, they are legally covered.”
  
Pope Francis in the upcoming documentary Francesco.  By the by, the producer of that documentary,
Evgeny Afineevsky, also produced the big-screen film, Oy Vey, My Son is Gay, which starred Lainie Kazan.

One more week – and then…heaven help us!  You know what everyone is talking about?  That Melania yanked her hand away from El Presidente after the last debate.  You know what nobody is talking about?  That after she yanked away, he hit her!  It wasn’t exactly a smack, but it was certainly no playful love tap – he was clearly not happy.  As he’s said many times, when he’s insulted, he attacks.  Keep that in mind when you vote.

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You know what my readers are talking about?  Tyler Posey’s latest exposé.  Since starting his OnlyFans page, Posey’s been quite loose-lipped (I smell a future Billy Masters LIVE guest).  He revealed, “I’ve hooked up with guys”.  He’s also said, “I’ve been fucked with a strap on” – which, I suppose, qualifies as bottoming.  When pressed on the subject, Posey explained, “I haven’t had sex with a man – we’ve blown each other, you know what I mean.  But never had sex.  So, yes, I have been with men before.”  This is kinda like hearing what the definition of “is” is.  He explains he’s only gone public with these sordid stories to help the children.  “I know there’s a lot of kids that look up to me and I just want to fucking get rid of that stigma of…you can be whoever you want to be, get with whoever you want to get with and it doesn’t affect you and it doesn’t affect them.”

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It’s been over a decade since the first Borat film.  So before viewing the sequel, I decided to sit down and watch the first one again.  In comparison, the new flick is far more scripted – and far less believable.  As to the scene with Rudy Giuliani, my experience tells me that camera angles, editing, and perhaps some judicious audio manipulation make it look far worse than it actually was.  There is no denying that Rudy did go into the bedroom with a young woman he had been touching repeatedly and already offered to eat a bat with.  But, they obviously weren’t alone since it was all captured on film.  The only thing we know for certain is that basically anyone can get to Giuliani.

Let’s turn our attention to Jeffrey Toobin.  Tooby is on a Zoom call with at least eight other people.  Why would that put you in a frisky mood?  It sounds like there was another monitor or viewing device in the mix.  “I believed I was not visible on Zoom.  I thought no one on the Zoom call could see me.  I thought I had muted the Zoom video.”  That’s an excuse?  Last week, I was on the phone with a female friend who hung up on me because she had to go to the bathroom and simply couldn’t do it while talking to me.  She could never work at CNN…or The New Yorker.

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We just wrapped a memorable week on Billy Masters LIVE.  We kicked it off with our political commentator, Sue O’Connell, and legal eagle, Gloria Allred.  When I asked her what she thought about the Jeffrey Toobin Zoom situation, Gloria snapped, “Hands up!  Keep ‘em up there!”  I quickly complied, and she did the same.  Yes, these are the things you’ll find on my eponymous show.  Where else could you go from Gloria Allred to Randy Roberts?  The illusionist extraordinaire joined us from Key West to talk about live shows resuming at La Te Da – behind Plexiglas!  It almost sounds as if he’s doing a show at the Olive Garden salad bar!  Definitely check it out.

And then…the show that’s been six months in the making.  Strike that – 47 years in the making.  For the first time ever, Lainie Kazan and Michele Lee sat down and talked about the Broadway debacle that was Seesaw.  The legendary ladies had been friends for years, co-starred in the musical Bravo Giovanni, and even lived in the same building.  Seesaw changed all of that.  Lainie Kazan was fired, Michele Lee was hired.  Lee would rehearse by day, Lainie would perform by night.  And they didn’t speak for almost 15 years.  Their recounting of that time was emotional, but also cathartic.  They bared their souls in a way that was so intimate – sometimes I left them alone on-screen because I felt as if I were intruding.  Of course, I came back for us to share loads of laughs, music, and risqué footage.  It will all live in infamy on our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV, or on BillyMasters.com/TV.

How do you follow that up?  With Hot Guy Week.  On Tuesday, Christopher Sieber will join us, and on Thursday, I’ll show off my foreign tongue with Gilles MariniBilly Masters LIVE – where the stars play by day.

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One of the stories Lainie shared was how there was a Mother’s March in Las Vegas to protest her Playboy spread and her revealing photo plastered on the side of a building!  Well, last week, the group One Million Moms (which only has a few thousand members) protested Nabisco for creating a variety of Oreo cookies in rainbow colors!  The new flavor is part of a #ProudParent campaign, which includes a television commercial of a woman coming out to her father.  The Moms are protesting that Oreo is “normalizing the LGBTQ lifestyle”.  I, too, am protesting Oreos – but for an entirely different reason.  Have you noticed that there are now a couple dozen flavors of Oreos?  I want to try them all, but I ain’t buying a box of each.  Until they come out with an Oreo Sampler, they’re dead to me.

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Two gay penguins have been accused of stealing eggs from a lesbian penguin’s nest.  According to a zoo in the Netherlands, a male African penguin couple has taken over the nest of a female penguin couple.  So, they’re not really stealing – they’re basically squatters.  I hasten to add I’m no expert on penguin eggs – but, like the rest of you, I did see the movie.  Clearly someone did something to one of these female penguins to get the eggs in the first place.  So perhaps this is a parental rights issue.  And another thing – are the female penguins also African?  Maybe this qualifies as a hate crime.  I’d certainly cry fowl.

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Gus Kenworthy had a newsworthy reason to show us yet another photo of his ass.  He was in the Swiss Alps and, apparently, all did not go smoothly.  “I had a couple of really stupid crashes like this one.  And ended up with a huge bruise on my ass just in time to fly for 15 hours.  Do you wanna see?  Y/N  K well since you insist!  Enjoy!”  I love a man who doesn’t bother waiting for a response.  He posted a photo of his ass sporting an enormous bruise.  I don’t know if he took it in the airplane lavatory or not, but it certainly didn’t look “Ocupado”.

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Since we’re on the subject of male nudity, let’s move along to our Ask Billy letter from Roger in Anaheim: “This has to be the hottest group of guys ever to be on The Bachelorette.  You must have nude photos of some of them.”

I must agree with Roger – this is a particularly hunky group of guys.  And they’re certainly showing lots of skin – especially during that game of strip dodgeball.  Since the season is young, I can’t say I have photos of “some of them”.  But I do have nude photos of one of them.  The show hasn’t focused much on Kenny Braasch, but I have.  I noticed that chiseled face and ripped body.  Although he’s billed as a “Boyband Manager”, Kenny is also a former basketball and baseball player…so he’s clearly versatile.  And he wears a size 13 shoe and has parts of his anatomy that would make a horse jealous.  And don’t even get me started on his flexibility – or how he handles balls…or his cock.  While I’m not completely sure about any man who sports what I would charitably call a Brazilian, I’m still interested enough to show you a plethora of photos on BillyMasters.com.

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When Posey’s taking one for our team, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  So Jeffrey Toobin just gets a slap on the wrist.  What if it had been Wolf Blitzer?  Would everyone have been as understanding?  While you ponder that, pound on your keyboard and check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’s safe for work…if you work in a cave!  For your more discreet needs, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Kenny says “Bye, Bye, Bye”!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

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