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18 September 2017

“He’s not harming anyone wearing a dress.  So, if he wants to wear a dress?  
Awesome.  Good on him.” 
Brian Austin Green‘s refreshing response to people who criticize his 4-year-old son Noah 
being out in public dressed as female characters such as Elsa in Frozen or Snow White.  
And I agree – it’s all fine until he wants to go to school dressed as Maleficent.

Week two of my European adventure, and I’ve come to a conclusion – most people around the world are nice.  In fact, they’re nicer than most Americans.  Case in point – I was walking down the main street of a big city with a wheeled shoulder bag.  Three strangers stopped me at various points to say that the shoulder strap was dragging and getting dirty.  In most US cities, you wouldn’t get so much as a second look if you were dragging a dead body!

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Leaders of the Social Democratic Party of Romania (where I was only a few days ago) are proposing legally defining the term “marriage” – a pre-emptive strike against same-sex marriage.  While this is not a surprising stance, the timing is intriguing.  Only a few days earlier, one of the leading bishops in the Romanian Orthodox Church resigned after a video leaked of him having oral sex with a 17-year-old male student.  He was pressured into stepping down from his post “for the peace and good of the church”.  He’s decide to remain a cloistered monk – for obvious reasons.

Pope Francis officially came out against same-sex marriage, although he was careful to not attack homosexuals in general.  “Marriage between people of the same sex?  Marriage is a historical word.  Always in humanity, and not only within the Church, it’s between a man and a woman…we cannot change that.  This is the nature of things.  This is how they are.  Let’s call them ‘civil unions’.”  I’m noting an Obama-like progression.  It’s all about baby steps.

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The View hosted a deeply religious enclave to celebrate the 25th anniversary of Sister ActWhoopi Goldberg decided not only to reunite with members of the cast, but also perform with them live – for the first time ever.  Kathy Najimy, Beth Fowler and several of the other nuns were on hand (and in habit) for a spirited rendition of “I Will Follow Him”, accompanied by musical genius Marc Shaiman.  Check it out on BillyMasters.com.

Didya know that Sister Act was written as a vehicle for Bette Midler?  She was the queen of Disney flicks at the time the film was in development, but was less than enthusiastic when the role was pitched to her (she reportedly said, “A singing nun?  Me?”).  It was a rare career misstep for the Divine Miss M, but she took a physical misstep last week in the Broadway production of Hello, Dolly!.  Towards the end of the first act, Bette was standing on a rotating platform when a set came down from the flies and knocked her over!  Naturally, Midler Tweeted about it.  “You may hear I was in a little accident on stage tonight; two set pieces collided, I had to make a run for it, and I fell.  But I’m fine.”  The curtain came down, the situation was rectified, and within 15 minutes the show continued with Bette singing (appropriately enough) “Before The Parade Passes By”.

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I’m sure you’ve heard that the 2024 Summer Olympics will be held in Paris, and the 2028 Games will take place in Los Angeles – like we don’t have enough traffic.  But many people are wondering if the Olympics have lost some of their luster.  Attendance for the past few Olympics have been disappointing, and even TV viewership has lagged.  Sam Mikulak, Team USA‘s all-around gymnastic champ, has the perfect idea for turning things around – let the athletes compete shirtless!  “People make fun of us for wearing tights.  But if they saw how yoked we are maybe that would make a difference.”  He’s made this suggestion before, but I’ve got an even better idea.  Let’s get back to the Olympics‘ roots and have the athletes compete as they did in the original games – naked! 

In a surprising and unexplained turn of events, Julianne Hough will not be returning to Dancing With The Stars.  After transitioning from dancer to judge (and after failing at some other potential transitions), Hough has decided to sit out at least this season.  The producers have said they will have guest judges occasionally join the original three. 

Someone who previously filled in as a judge during Julianne’s absence is Aaron Carter.  Last week, Aaron turned up on TV to get a live HIV test.  There he was, looking petrified on The Doctors, saying, “That was the scariest thing I have ever done in my life.”  Anyone who thinks he didn’t know the results going in is fooling themselves.  Speaking of fooling yourself, if you think you have a shot with the newly-proclaimed bisexual Aaron, think again.  “When it comes down to it really, I had an experience when I was 17 with a guy, but now as an almost 30-year-old man, I’m going to be pursuing relationships with women.”

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Judgment day is coming for the forces behind Feud.  The Los Angeles Superior Court has determined that Olivia de Havilland may proceed with her suit against Ryan Murphy and the FX Networks regarding their portrayal of her.  Not only that, but the five-to-seven-day trial has been expedited and will take place in November.  “I can’t imagine how one could not do that when the plaintiff is 101-years-old,” said Judge Holly Kendig.  To reaffirm her stance, Dame de Havilland issued a statement saying (among other things), “I never gave an interview in which I talked about the personal relationship of Miss Bette Davis and Miss Joan Crawford” and “I did not tell any director or producer that my sister, Miss Joan Fontaine was a ‘bitch’.  This kind of vulgarity is not language that I use.”

When you’re far from home, you find comfort in the little things.  One of those is the glorious morning talk show/webcast of Marissa Jaret Winokur and best buddy Ryan O’ConnorThe Morning Mess Live with Marissa and Ryan started with the two of them just chatting on Facebook Live over morning coffee.  It’s taken off like a juggernaut and is now appointment watching at 9AM PST – well, if you want to watch it live and join in the fun.  Personally, I am still asleep so I catch it later on their Facebook page.  Not only are scads of people tuning in every morning, but the regular viewers are a veritable who’s who of showbiz.  Check it out.

Of course, Marissa’s big break was in Hairspray on Broadway – and isn’t it about time for a revival?  Anyway, we just heard a story about Mark O’Donnell, who co-wrote the libretto.  Mark died in 2012 and bequeathed his royalties from Hairspray in perpetuity to The Actors Fund, to help needy members of the arts community.  Bravo!

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Time for another season of The X Factor UK.  Once again, Simon Cowell, Sharon Osbourne and Louis Walsh make the ultimate trio of judges.  And, Nicole Scherzinger is fine (she’s growing on me).  While I am typically not a fan of the early audition process, The X Factor does it in a way that is far less exploitative than other shows.  But, since we’re all for a little bit of exploitation, let’s talk about the hot twins from Greece.  Phillip and Achilles make up Pretty Boy Karma and, well, they’re not particularly talented.  But they are kinda hot – picture Justin Bieber with a learning disability (not much of a stretch).  These twins claim to have started out singing in the shower – let that sink in.  They sang terribly, but lifted their shirts and showed off their abs, so they won my vote.  Alas, the real judges said no.  But they’re still worth checking out on BillyMasters.com.

Speaking of hot guys, the acclaimed UK production of A Clockwork Orange has finally made it to New York.  This all-male version is opening off-Broadway at the New World Stages on September 25th.  I heard about this a few months ago from a fan who saw it at the Edinburgh Festival and was taken with the ridiculously hot leading man, Jonno Davies.  Davies has been with the show since its origin in Norway, and happily he has crossed the pond with it.  The cast is filled with gorgeous guys and is kinda like a live version of Fight Club, where unspeakable things happen to him in the prison shower.  But why tell you when you can see it for yourself on BillyMasters.com.

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Could it be that a once and future reality star is happy to have bagged that high-profile gig because he needs the dough?  Where did his stash go?  The same old story – drugs and hookers.  Except these were male hookers – with loose lips!  His clowning around came to an abrupt halt when he learned how in debt he was.  Sometimes what happens in Vegas doesn’t stay in Vegas.

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When reality stars are treating boys like property, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  It’s also time for me to prepare for the next stop on my tour, Athens – a city so old, I am still considered a veritable child!  If I run into any naked Olympians, I’ll post photos of them on www.BillyMasters.com, the site that’s all Greek to me!  For all your other needs, drop a note to me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I get my hands on Achilles’ heel…or any other part of him!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

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