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22 April 2024

“So today is Anal Sex Day. If you’re into it, great, if not, don’t feel pressured.
But if you were thinking about it, I guess today is as good a day as any.”
– Dr. Ruth Westheimer Tweets her thoughts on April 18^th. This brought to mind two very important questions:
1) Who knew there’s an Anal Sex Day? and B) Dr. Ruth is still alive?

You put “masturbation” in a headline, and you’ve automatically got my attention. A recent study recommended that men masturbate before going to sleep. Of course that makes sense – doing it after you fall asleep is far less effective. The report claims that you will sleep better after a completed orgasm, and I can vouch for that. So can scores of men who have shared my bed/video booth/car seat. I typically doze off before any of them have finished.

If you know one thing about me, it’s that I enjoy being right. I even enjoy being half-right. When Reba McEntire signed with NBC for a new sitcom about her father dying and leaving his restaurant to her and a half-sister, I predicted we’d see the stupendous Melissa Peterman again by Reba’s side (Melissa played Barbra Jean on Reba). I was right…and I was wrong. Yes, Melissa has signed on to star in the sitcom. But she won’t be playing Reba’s sister. She’ll be playing Gabby, a longtime bartender at the restaurant. Even better! The half-sister will be played by Belissa Escobedo – described as an “enthusiastic 20-something”. Talk about a change-of-life child!

In all of the years of writing this column, very few stories have truly surprised me. But here’s one I didn’t see coming. A sequel to the film The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert is in pre-production! Stephan Elliott directed the original flick 30 years ago. Not only has he remastered the original for the anniversary, he says this sequel is a go. “The original cast is on board, I’ve got a script that everybody likes, we’re still working out deals…It’s happening”. In case you need reminding, that original cast includes Terence Stamp, Guy Pearce and Hugo Weaving. All three have said for years they’d do a sequel, but nobody could come up with a plausible scenario. “I thought, what am I going to do?” says Elliott. “Stick them on a cruise ship, stick them on a train? You name it, over the years I’ve been pitched Priscilla 2 in spades.” Forget about the ship or the train – fans want to see the bus. Fear not, says Elliott. “Don’t worry. The bus will feature.” PHEW! Stay tuned.

Of course, Priscilla went on to become a very popular live stage musical – in some ways, more popular than the film. But not all stage adaptations are as successful. Many have had varying degrees of success on the road to Broadway. I told you that a stage version of My Best Friend’s Wedding will bow at the Ogunquit Playhouse this fall. But there are some other shows opening before that. Chicago has been a popular city to try out new musicals. The next one opening there is a toe-tapper based on Death Becomes Her. It opens at the Cadillac Palace Theatre on April 30^th and stars our bon ami Christopher Sieber alongside Jennifer Simard – who previously played his wife in Company. They are joined by Megan Hilty and Michelle Williams. No word yet if Meryl Streep’s showstopper “Me” from the film will find its way into this adaptation. To not have it would be a crime of infinite proportions. While we wait, you can get more details at DeathBecomesHer.com.

Atlanta will see the world premiere musical version of The Preacher’s Wife. The Alliance Theatre has this one opening on May 11^th. Music and lyrics come courtesy of Tituss Burgess, the show is directed by Michael Arden, and Loretta Devine takes on the role of Julia’s mother – made famous in the film by the scene-stealing Jenifer Lewis. That sounds pretty captivating to me. Tix at AllianceTheatre.org.

Obviously Fiddler on the Roof is not a new musical. But it is getting a new production at the La Mirada Theatre…courtesy of producer Cathy Rigby and her husband. And Jason Alexander takes on the iconic role of Tevye, the beleaguered milkman. I have high hopes for this – unless there’s a new scene where Golde sings “I’m Flying!” Performances begin November 8^th. You can grab tickets and details at LaMiradaTheatre.com.

Apropos of nothing, Pamela Anderson has been cast in a new Naked Gun flick. I’m less enthusiastic about her co-star. Maybe it’s me, but I’ve never considered Liam Neeson a laugh riot. I’m hoping he proves me wrong.

Martin Scorsese might be 81 years old, but he’s still planning future projects. Perhaps too optimistically, he’s got two projects in development. One is a biopic about Frank Sinatra, and the other is about Jesus Christ. And he knows who he wants to work with – Leonardo DiCaprio and Andrew Garfield. Surprisingly, Garfield has been tapped for the Jesus flick, while DiCaprio is playing Sinatra. I would have gone the other way. Scorsese also wants Jennifer Lawrence to play Sinatra’s second wife, Ava Gardner. And I thought she’s a dead ringer for Mary Magdalene! Scorsese better do this before someone books him a room at A Place for Marty.

Speaking of biopics, a film about the life of RuPaul could someday happen. The drag superstar’s recently released memoir is initiating all the chatter. “People have asked me who would play me in a movie, and my stock answer was always Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen.” Oh, that Ru – such a card. “But on a serious note, it’s come up a lot more recently since the memoir has come out. You know, there’s that kid who I just love – his name is Justice Smith. I think he would do a really, really good job. He’s a fantastic actor and I just love his energy. There’s a sweetness about him that I just love.” Well, if it’s sweetness you want, forget about those Olsen girls!

I have nothing more to say about the short-lived Golden Bachelor marriage. But our beloved Dr. Ruth (who contributed this week’s opening quote) weighed in by Tweeting the following: “Sad what people will put themselves through just to be on national TV.” I think last week’s Ask Billy subject, Bachelor alum Tyler Cameron, said it best: “They put a stain on love and Bachelor Nation…They just pulled the rug right out from under us.” Something tells me pulling the rug out from under Tyler is not a particularly difficult thing to do.

Lots of you asked this week’s Ask Billy question. The first e-mail we got on this topic was from Rodney in NYC: “Is there any truth to the rumors that Andy Cohen is going to be fired from Bravo?”

Last week, In Touch Weekly ran a story about issues between Cohen and several Bravo-lebrities. Due to these concerns, the rag claimed the network was negotiating a severance package. While there have indeed been issues, I don’t believe any of them are big enough to warrant Andy leaving his dream job – at least not voluntarily. By Thursday, the whispers got loud enough for Bravo to issue a statement. “There is absolutely no truth to this story in that tabloid, obviously made up by a source who is not credible.” Of course, no source is credible – until what they say comes to pass. One must give Cohen credit for building an entire network lineup almost solely dependent on him. While nobody’s indispensable, I think his job is pretty secure.

Hold the presses! The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame just announced that they will be inducting Cher this year. There’s just one problem – Cher has stated categorically she’s not interested. “You know what? I wouldn’t be in it now if they gave me a million dollars. I’m never gonna change my mind. I mean, they can just you-know-what themselves.” Let’s see if Cher is a woman of her word…

When we’re waiting to see if Cher accepts in person (I bet she does), we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column. If you were in the Fort Lauderdale area last week, you may have seen Billy frolicking in the sun and surf. But now, back to reality. While I clean the sand out of my numerous crevices, you can check out www.BillyMasters.com, the site that has nothing to hide. If you have a question you’d like to ask, send it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I have an orgasm on the Priscilla bus and fall asleep…again! Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

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