All Types of Marriages

“Did you know we can’t marry our siblings?  Why can’t we?  We love each other.”  
Sara Haines, The View co-host, relates a question her daughter asked. 
Trust me, kid, in time you won’t want to talk to your siblings, let alone marry them!

We kick off with a story from a Tennessee politician – so get ready for some learnin’.  Republican Representative Gino Bulso is advocating that first cousins should be allowed to marry if they receive genetic counseling.  Personally, I’d recommend some sort of sterilization procedure.  Bulso claims his argument is bolstered by the legality of same-sex marriages.  “Unless anyone in this body can articulate a compelling interest to deny a male first cousin from marrying a male first cousin, this bill demonstrably violates Obergefell and we should vote it down.”  Presumably, first cousins shouldn’t marry because if they procreate, it could lead to genetic issues.  Exhibit A – the British royal family.  Sometimes, you’ve got to let the chromosomes come up for air!  But Bulso has a dog in this fight – he revealed that one set of his grandparents were first cousins.  Well, call me Lassie because, guess what?  My parents are also cousins.  Close your mouths – not a single one of you is shocked by that.  I hasten to add that Big Momma and Big Daddy are not first cousins.  They are cousins through marriage.  I’m not really good on terminology, so I don’t know exactly what that makes them.  The term “hillbillies” springs to mind.


I wonder what would have happened if Don Lemon and Tim Malone tried to get married in Tennessee?  Would Representative Bulso have officiated their tying the knot?  Or would he have tied a noose?  Either way, congrats to Lemon and Malone on their nuptials.  But I feel compelled to point out that Don Lemon is 58 while Malone is barely 40 – and I say “barely” because they wed on Tom’s 40th birthday.  Following the ceremony, the couple danced down Fifth Avenue from the Presbyterian Church to the Ralph Lauren Polo Bar.  That way, the religious folks were happy, the WASPs could shop, and everyone else drank.  Cheers!


What would the Vatican think of The Golden Bachelor?  I’ve had roses last longer than this marriage – brief by even Kardashian standards.  And the breakup is because they can’t decide which house to live in?  I have three houses, and it’s never been a problem.  Then again, I gave up on the franchise once they jettisoned Chris Harrison.


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