The opening quote for this week’s column was almost this: “I know how to use my femininity” – says Kristen Stewart.  Billy Masters asks, “What femininity?”

Remember the movie Titanic?  Oh, if only I had those 72 hours back!  Remember the climatic scene?  When big, strapping Kate Winslet hoists herself onto a door, and holds the hand of little waifish Leonardo DiCaprio, crying, “I’ll never let go, Jack” – only to cast him off without a second thought?  Well, that very door just sold at an auction for over $700K!  Winslet has decided the time is right to defend Rose dumping poor Jack to his icy death: “So, you’ve heard it here for the first time.  Yes, he could have fit on that door, but it would not have stayed afloat.  It wouldn’t.”  I recall Rex Reed writing about their love scene when the film first came out by saying something like: “It was like watching a Chihuahua trying to mount a Golden Retriever.”

When we don’t have time for an Ask Billy question, but we can fit in a questionable bestiality quip, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  And what a long column it was.  I barely have time to remind you to check out www.BillyMasters.com, the site that’ll show you a lovely bunch of coconuts.  If you have a question you’re confident will fit in, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before we find out if Vicki Principal is in hiding with Shelly Miscavige.  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.