“Growing up, I was called the f-word more times than I can remember. 
And now, I’m a faggot with a Tony!”  
– Michael Arden while accepting his Best Director of a Musical Tony for Parade. 
BTW, the “f-word” was bleeped on TV.

With the never-ending writers’ strike, everybody is wondering if ChatGPT could replace humans.  As an experiment, I asked the AI software to write a column in the style of Billy Masters.  Here is how it began:

“Ladies, gentlemen, and those of you who are still deciding what fabulous category you fall into…”  OK, let’s stop right there – I would NEVER say that.  First off, I find it offensive.  Secondly, I rarely acknowledge my female readers this early in a column!  “I’m Billy Masters, and I’ve got a mouthful of sass and heart full of glitter.”  I am sorry to say, neither of those has ever been true.  I’ve had a mouthful of lots of things, but I wouldn’t call it sass.  As to glitter – I eschew anything that causes a mess!  “Now, darlings, you know I’m all about the latest tea, the hottest gossip, and the fiercest trends, but sometimes we’ve got to take a moment to address the serious stuff.  And right now, there’s something in the air, honey, and it ain’t the scent of Chanel No. 5.”  While I appreciate the Chanel reference, I suspect it somehow has Billy Masters confused with Zsa Zsa Gabor!

The writers’ strike didn’t dampen the Tony Awards.  If anything, it showed that a lack of professional scribes streamline the ceremony.  From Ariana DeBose’s opening, to the production numbers, to the heartfelt speeches, people interested in theatre were in for a treat.  For everyone else…well, I believe there was a MacGyver rerun on Antenna TV!  The Tonys also managed to make history.  Alex Newell became the first openly nonbinary actor to win a Tony – although it was in the category of Featured Actor in a Musical for Shucked.  He was quickly joined by J. Harrison Ghee, who is also nonbinary, and won Leading Actor in a Musical for Some Like It Hot.

Rounding things off, Sean Hayes won Best Actor in a Leading Role in a Play for his turn in Good Night, Oscar.  I hate to make it all about me, but this one kinda is.  In Sean Hayes’ acceptance speech, he dedicated the award to his husband.  “First of all, my husband, Scotty – it’s Scotty, right?  I can never get it right.  You are my purpose, every single day of my life.”  You may not know this, but when Ellen DeGeneres launched her daytime talk show, Sean’s husband (then known as Scotty K) was her DJ.  Then, one day, Scotty was inexplicably gone and there was some black guy with an English accent in his place.  Since I wanted to know what was going on, I asked Scotty to be the DJ for MY very first live Billy Masters Show.  I’m not saying I was there first, but I was there before Sean.