Pauly Wants an Oscar

Could it be that Pauly Shore is poised for a comeback?  So hopes the comic, who has gotten tongues wagging after he announced his new idea – he’d like to play fitness guru Richard Simmons in a biopic!  He posted a photo of the two side-by-side and, son of a bitch, they really do look alike!  OK, the hair isn’t right, but I know a groomer in West Hollywood who did wonders with my friend’s poodle.  Pauly wrote, “I’ve noticed all the reactions to me playing Richard Simmons in a new biopic.  So I reached out to him.  I heard he’s living deep in Big Bear.  We’ve been play phone tag (yes, he still has a phone).”  Let me stop here for a second – if Richard Simmons is living in Big Bear, why the hell can’t he answer his phone?  It’s not like I think he’s at the local Walmart!  Continuing: “I’m trying to make it happen for you guys.  Be optimistic.  In the meantime, hit up Hulu, Amazon, Disney, HBO and all the big producers.  I definitely can morph into this guy.  I’ll see you at the Academy Awards 2025.”


When Pauly Shore could be up for an Oscar, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  I hate to burst his bubble, but films that debut on streaming services don’t typically qualify for an Academy Award.  But that’s the least of his problems!  This week, I’m in Las Vegas seeing Varla Jean Merman at the Westgate October 3-5 (I’ll be there the 5th) and Kathy Griffin at the Mirage on October 6th.  No matter where I am, I’m never too busy to update – the site that’s a sure thing.  If you have a question for me, send it along to and I promise to get back to you before Cher sends some Nigerian bodybuilders to abduct me!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.


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