Our Ask Billy question comes from Jonathan in Las Vegas: “I heard that Robert Irwin is going to join The Chippendales for their Las Vegas show at the Hard Rock.  Any truth to the rumor?”

It is true that The Chippendales reached out to Robert.  And they aren’t the only ones.  The Thunder Down Under boys also would like him to join them – and being from Australia, they could have the edge.  Alas, Robert has turned down both offers.  “Not for me.  Not right now.  I’ll take the shirt off every now and again, I’m going to draw the line there…for now.”  So if you want to see Robert shirtless, you’ll have to check out BillyMasters.com.

When two residencies are vying for an Irwin, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  And at least they didn’t reach out to Bindi!  For other heavenly bodies, head on over to www.BillyMasters.com – the site that will leave you breathless.  If you have a question you’d like me to grab ahold of, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I announce my farewell (which ain’t happening anytime soon).   Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

You know what I’m against?  Performers who do more than two shows at the same venue and calling it a residency.  A residency is when you move to a city, get an apartment, and live there by day and work by night.  Kinda like what Sam Smith had planned once the refurbished Castro Theatre opens in February 2026.  He announced two weeks of four shows each for his To Be Free stint in SF.  I’d call that residency-adjacent.  Those sold out pretty quickly, so he added another four.  Poof – sold out.  As of this writing, he’s up to 16 shows over four weeks.  That is definitely a residency.  He’s doing a similar schedule at Warsaw in Brooklyn over October, November and December.  To get the most up-to-date schedule, check out SamSmithWorld.com.

Since we’re talking New York, you know that Halloween is right around the corner.  And this will mark the 10^th time the delightful Jay Armstrong Johnson has presented his wildly popular I Put A Spell On You benefit to raise money for the Ali Forney Center.  Seeing Jay as Winifred Sanderson – well, you can’t put a price on that.  This year’s show will take place on October 20^th at Webster Hall in NYC.  You can get tickets and information at SpellOnYouNYC.com or JayArmstrongJohnson.org.

Last year marked the 25^th year Charles Busch and his merry band performed his play, Times Square Angel.  Since this is typically when tickets go on sale (and sell out in minutes), he made the following announcement.  “Last year marked the twenty-fifth anniversary of performing the play as a one night staged reading.  To Carl Andress and I, that seemed like an achievement to be proud of and time to call it a wrap.  At the risk of sounding like Anton Walbrook at the end of the movie, The Red Shoes, we won’t be performing Times Square Angel anymore.  Nothing goes on forever and time and the vagaries of age and the prosaic details and exhaustion of doing theater on a shoestring have gone into this decision.  What a joyous ride it’s been…To those who have joined us all these years, thank you so much for your loyalty and enthusiasm.  What a joy it’s been to share this play and experience with you.  And to our cast and band, designers and crew, my love, gratitude and admiration.  A special thank you to Theater for the New City and the indominable Crystal Fields who for six decades has given so many theater artists a home.  Thank you all for twenty-five years of Times Square Angel.  I exclaim this from my heart, truly, and sincerely, bless you, darlings!”  In the words of Belinda Carlisle, never say never…

By the by, the print edition of Busch’s play The Tale of the Allergist’s Wife and Other Plays turned up at the recent Julien’s Auction of Joan Rivers’ belongings.  The volume was autographed by Charles to Auntie Joan in 2007, and he wrote the following: “To Joan – Your early enthusiasm over these plays meant more than I can say.  Thank you.”  It was bundled with a few other entertainment books and sold for $320.  I’m sure Missy thanks you.

Of course, our gay patron saint is Dolly Parton, who has had some health issues since the passing of her husband, Carl Dean.  Not only has she cancelled her Las Vegas residency this December, she also bowed out of the Academy Governors Awards, where she was to have received the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award.  Then her sister Freida (no, not the “Band of Gold” Freda) made a curious statement: “Last night, I was up all night praying for my sister, Dolly.  Many of you know she hasn’t been feeling her best lately.  I truly believe in the power of prayer, and I have been led to ask all of the world that loves her to be prayer warriors and pray with me.”  That set off a firestorm of speculation.  So, Freida issued another statement as damage control.  “I didn’t mean to scare anyone or make it sound so serious.  She’s been a little under the weather and I simply asked for prayers because I believe so strongly in the power of prayer.”  Perhaps, but I don’t think she’d ask people worldwide to pray if Dolly just had the sniffles, or a hangnail!  “It was nothing more than a little sister asking for prayers for her big sister.” 

Since that didn’t help, Dolly appeared – as if an apparition at Lourdes, except this was Instagram!  She wanted to address the health rumors with an “impromptu video message” (and if you buy that, stop reading immediately).  Looking quite sprightly, she admitted to having “some problems” and that she had “let a lot of things go that I should have taken care of”.  She says she’s having “a few treatments” at Vanderbilt Medical Center outside of Nashville.  She welcomed the prayers, but added, “I’m not ready to die yet – I don’t think God is through with me, and I’m not done working.”  If anyone has earned the right to take a breather, it’s Dolly.  Get well soon.  But if you really want to rest, take a tip from Billy (as so many others have) – sleep on your back!

When is a farewell not a farewell?  First, I was dealing with the fact that Cyndi Lauper did her farewell at the Hollywood Bowl with Cher, and I missed it.  Then I was heartened that CBS/Paramount captured the event.  So color me confused when I read that she’s gonna play Vegas!  Here’s the headline verbatim: “Cyndi Lauper Announces Las Vegas Residency, Following TV Special and Wrap-Up of Farewell Tour.”  Seems to me like she’s following in Cher’s footsteps!  Cyndi did a very Belinda Carlisle thing (we’ll get to her in a minute) and clarified that the farewell was to touring – not to doing a few concerts here and there.  You say potato, I say ka-ching!

In the past, Belinda Carlisle has announced the end of The Go-Go’s career no fewer than five times.  Now she comes out and says, “It’s gotten ridiculous – we announce a farewell and then something comes up so we’re back.  I’m never saying never again.”  While this is not a Go-Go’s story, it’s been announced that the mega-hot British boy band Take That will be doing a stadium tour.  And who is their opening act?  Belinda Carlisle, that’s who!

“So many closeted men in the Republican party.  The
people who want government out of their lives are obsessed
with controlling other people’s love, bedrooms while lying
about their own.  We see you, we see them, and
guess what?  If you’re a hypocrite, I’m gonna out you.”
– Don Lemon names names, including such alleged self-loathing guys as
Mike Johnson, Benny Johnson, Lindsey Graham, and Tim Scott. 
As I always say, never piss off a gay man with a mike.

In case anybody missed it, Taylor Swift revealed that Travis Kelce has “hot gay friends”.  Of course, she didn’t just say it – if she had, it would have been our opening quote.  Here’s what happened.  Taylor was on Hits Radio in the UK.  She was talking about her song “Wi$h Li$t” (how Ke$ha of her) which has a lyric “Please, God, bring me a best friend who I think is hot.”  She flashed her engagement ring to indicate she had such a friend.  Then co-host James Barr asked, “Does he have any hot gay friends?”  Taylor said “Yeah…I also have a lot of those.”

Someone else with a whole lotta gay friends is the much-beleaguered Kristin Chenoweth.  Let’s skip past the whole ugly-cry-over-Kirk thing – been there, done that, posted the video.  Anyway, Kristin has a whole lot going on.  First up is that Broadway musical The Queen of Versailles, written for her by Stephen Schwartz…and his hair (speaking of Kirk).  Should the musical not work out (nothing is a sure thing on Broadway), Chen has a contingency plan.  She is in the midst of developing yet another sitcom – this time for NBC.  Stumble finds Krissy leading a church choir as part of her community service.  The writer is Alissa Neubauer, who helmed Call Me Kat – another show that never found an audience.  A white version of Sister Act?  How on point.

Not Broadway’s Mark MacKillop is a good friend of this column and of Billy Masters LIVE.  As you know, he’s a tireless fundraiser for our community, and has been the highest fundraiser at Broadway Bares for eight consecutive years.  He’s the hoofer with a heart of gold.  On October 13^th, he’s marking his birthday by putting on a show at the Marjorie S. Deane Little Theatre in NYC.  Proceeds will go to Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS.  If seeing Mark in his birthday suit (and me in the audience) appeals to you, grab some tickets at OvationTix.com.

In a very brief Ask Billy question, Lenny in Pittsburgh, PA writes, “Who gave Lukas Gage an STD?  He recently told a reporter he got it from an ex.  Was it his ex-husband?”

First, let’s me correct you – he didn’t catch an STD.  He caught TWO STDs from a former partner.  This either means that he’s terribly unlucky, or there is some fault in his screening process for potential paramours.  He didn’t reveal who gave him the STDs or, for that matter, what they were.  But he says it’s not his fault.  “It wasn’t that I was in an opposition to having a non-monogamous relationship, it was just not talked about.”  Whose fault would that be?  Does anyone have a mirror?  If you don’t discuss it, don’t assume it.  I’m sure more delightful anecdotes like this will pop up in the 30-year-old’s memoir, I Wrote This For Attention, which comes out on October 14^th.

When Lukas at least came up with the perfect title for his autobiography, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  Talk about truth in advertising.  Sure, Gage will say it’s all tongue in cheek – but I think we can all agree he should be a bit more discriminatory with which cheeks he puts his tongue!  For more visual aids, check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site site ain’t shy.  If you want me to look into something, dash a note off to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I invite anyone over for some “lemonade”.  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Some things are universal.  Like comedy – everyone likes to laugh (well, maybe not El Presidente).  Last week, there was a huge comedy festival in Saudi Arabia where they paid comics “a shitload of money” (at least, that’s what it said in my contract).  Some comedians went, others stayed home out of protest.  On Real Time, Louis C.K. told Bill Maher, “There is a woman who is a lesbian and Jewish who did a show there and she got a standing ovation.”  He was referring to our own Jessica Kirson, who I don’t know personally but I’m a huge fan.  She did indeed perform there and, as LCK said, was a big hit.  But she also took a hit from her fans here in the US, who felt as a woman, as a lesbian, and as a Jew, she shouldn’t have gone.  People certainly have the right to criticize, but they should know that Jessica did her research.  Here’s what she said after the event: “As an artist, my mission has always been to help people feel less alone.  As an openly gay person, when I was asked to perform in Riyadh, I was surprised.  I requested a guarantee that I could be openly out as a lesbian on stage and perform gay material.  I hoped that this could help LGBTQ+ people in Saudi Arabia feel seen and valued.  I am grateful that I was able to do precisely that – to my knowledge, I am the first openly gay comic to talk about it on stage in Saudi Arabia.  I received messages from attendees sharing how much it meant to them to participate in a gay-affirming event.”

So, win/win, right?  Wrong.  Fans were outraged that she performed at an event supported by the Saudi government.  “To my fans: I see you.  I hear you.  Your voice matters to me.  I love you all, and I am genuinely sorry for making a poor decision that had repercussions I didn’t fully consider.  I will take full responsibility for my actions and dedicate myself to making amends, so that my words and choices reflect the respect and care you deserve.”  What about the gay people in Saudi Arabia who finally got to see themselves represented onstage?  What about giving a voice to a different side of a repressed society?  Then again, how repressed can they be if they booked Jessica in the first place?  Should Pete Buttigieg not appear on FOX News because they are conservative?  Or aren’t those the very people he should reach out to?  While I recognize this is a tricky situation, I agree with Jessica’s first instinct to go, and feel she indeed made a big impact.  However, she’s now vowed to donate whatever she was paid to “to a human rights organization.  I made this decision because I want that money to go to an organization that can help combat these severe issues.”  While I think she can do whatever she wants, she certainly shouldn’t feel obligated to do anything other than keep the money she made for performing.  Just my two cents – which I’m giving out for free.

After months of waiting, the fate of Mid-Century Modern is known.  The Nathan Lane, Matt Bomer, Nathan Lee Graham, and Linda Lavin-led gay Golden Girls has been officially cancelled.  Could things have turned out differently if Lavin lived?  Or if Billy Lourde wasn’t cast as Matt’s daughter?  Or if Richard Kind and Zane Phillips appeared more often?  Or if it had been on a real network?  Who can say.  Well, I can say it wouldn’t have hurt.  I’m told everyone had a ball making it, and isn’t that really the best one can hope for when a show is on Hulu?

Every so often, people like to count Bette Midler out.  “She’s at a difficult age to cast,” I often hear.  And then, poof, the perfect role.  She’s just signed on to play a plumb part of a rich matriarch who cuts off her kids’ cash in the upcoming Warner Bros. film Cut Off.  The kids in question will be played by Kristen Wiig and Jonah Hill (who co-wrote and will direct the flick). Did I mention Bette’s husband will be played by Nathan Lane?  Yes, an Isn’t She Great reunion.  Hopefully they fare better this time around.  Shooting just started last week.

You know the type of actors who have even less chance of getting cast than Bette Midler?  Dead actors, that’s who!  But Terence Stamp didn’t let a little thing like his demise stop him from appearing in Priscilla, Queen of the Desert 2.  For years, Hugo Weaving and Guy Pearce were ready to do a sequel, while Terry was the lone holdout.  Then director Stephan Elliott brought him a script that put a smile on his face.  He said, “OK, I didn’t see that one coming”.  Over the next few months, Elliott had the actor working day and night to finish his scenes.  Stamp repeatedly said, “You’re running out of time, kids.  You’re running out of time.”  But they finished the entire script.  While it’s not the first time an actor has worked in a vacuum (I mean, Sigourney’s entire oeuvre), Stamp insisted that he play Bernadette and not have a performance created by AI.  Elliott filmed all of the Bernadette scenes “in a nine-camera array of the entire script”.  The rest of the cast plans shoot in in early 2026.

“I’ve been playing gay characters since the ‘90s when
agents told you, ‘Don’t do that.’  Honestly, if I’d been offered more
straight roles that were exciting, I would have done them.”
– Tuc Watkins talks about his acting career.

Every week, people ask me about the Feds’ case against gay porn superstar Austin Wolf.  And I finally have an answer.  Way back in June of 2024, his home was raided by the FBI, and they allegedly seized hundreds of photos and videos of underage lads.  After numerous delays, he finally had his first (and, apparently, last) hearing in June where he took full responsibility for having sex with a 15-year-old.  Oh, it gets worse.  Last week, U.S. District Judge Engelmayer found him guilty of enticement of a minor to engage in illegal sexual activity and a pattern of prohibited sexual conduct.  He was sentenced to 19 years in prison.  Then it was revealed that he “targeted kids as young as seven”.  At one point, he made plans with another man to have sex with a “nine-year-old child that Male-2 claimed to be babysitting”.  He also made “plans to meet an individual who claimed to be the father of a seven-year-old child and who offered to make the child available.”  Sounds like the worst Chris Hansen episode ever!

In a somewhat related story, the NYPD is cracking down on sex in a Penn Station men’s room.  Reportedly, over 200 arrests have been made since June, while only a dozen happened in the first half of the year.  Why the increase?  It must be the heat!  Before you ask, I’ll tell you that facilities in question are near the entrance by Eighth Avenue and 31^st Street.  You’re welcome!  We hear the room continues to be a hotspot.  Must be the smell of urinal cakes.

Another hot man is the subject of our Ask Billy question this week.  Brad in Dallas writes, “What do you know about Carl Cashman?  He’s a City Councilor in Liverpool and is beyond hot – kinda like Aaron Schock.”

Well, talk about a name from the past – what ever happened to Mr. Schock?  I guess we’ll tackle that in a future column.  As to Mr. Cashman, I must confess I never heard of him.  But, I’m always happy to look into a hot man.  And, yes, the comparison to Schock is apt.  Cashman got into politics at 24 and is now 33 years old and the leader of the Liberal Democrats for the Liverpool City Council.  Some scurrilous rag referred to him as “Britain’s sexiest politician”.  He possesses quite an enviable physique, and has not an inch of shyness in showing most of it off.  He’s also one of those people who enjoys working out shirtless at public beaches – something I enjoy…as a spectator.  Regarding his sexual preferences, he’s decidedly heterosexual – although I’m not sure who decides such things.  He’s also a strong LGBT+ ally and supports all sorts of gay Pride and trans advocacy events.  He’s outspoken and seems to have straddled the line of being a serious politician and being cheeky, as the Brits would say.  Should you wish to check out some of his cheekiness, check out BillyMasters.com.

When we’re featuring a hot Brit straddling anything, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  At least I have someone to check out when I’m next in London.  Until then, you can keep up with the hottest content from around the world on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that ain’t stuck in a vault!  If you have a question for me, send it along to me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I watch a very special episode of Charles in Charge where Scott Baio fingers Willie Ames – talk about your Must See TV!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Last week was a big one for Charmed star, Alyssa Milano – she had her implants removed.  She made the announcement online, ending with, “Today, I’m my authentic self.  Today, I’m free.”  Next thing you know, she’ll be running around without makeup and doing The Second to Last Showgirl!

Fun fact – I met Matt Dallas (star of Kyle XY) at Kathy Griffin’s house where he was working as a cater waiter (link on BillyMasters.com).  It’s been a long time since that holiday party in 2006, and Matt is feeling less XY and more XL.  On July 19^th, he hired Dermot Duffy, a very hot personal trainer, “not so much just to lose the extra weight, but to feel strong, clear headed, ok and maybe a little sexy.”  Two months later, he showed off the fruits of his labor…if not the loom.  Dermot said, “Now only 8 weeks in, Matt’s in unreal shape.  Stronger.  Leaner.  More consistent than he’s been in years.”  You check out the results on our website.

David Geffen is antsy to be a single man again, and he’s willing to pay his husband, former “model” David Armstrong (aka Donovan Michaels) up to $50,000 a month in spousal support.  But he wants support to only last for 12 months, AND should be retroactive to their breakup, which was back in February.  Note we’re talking about David Geffen, who is worth $9.1 BILLION!  Not that I think the spouse is entitled to even a fraction of that amount.  But $50K is pocket change to Geffen.  The billionaire claims that his estranged hubby is living rent-free in a $15K a month apartment, and is in possession of over $5 million in art and jewelry he received as gifts.  So?

On Broadway, another classic series attempted a reunion.  The cast of Dawson’s Creek was set to come together on the stage of the Richard Rodgers Theatre for a reading of the pilot.  This was slated to be a benefit for F Cancer, James Van Der Beek’s pet charity since his colorectal cancer diagnosis.  Then he made this announcement: “This is the evening I’d been looking forward to MOST since my angel Michelle Williams said she was putting it together way back in January.  So you can imagine how gutted I was when two stomach viruses conspired to knock me out of commission and keep me grounded at the worst possible moment.  Despite every effort…I won’t get to be there.  I won’t get to stand on that stage and thank every soul in the theater for showing up for me, and against cancer, when I needed it most.”  It wasn’t all bad news – Lin-Manuel Miranda filled in.  “But I DO have an understudy.  A ridiculously overqualified replacement who would have been #1 on my wishlist (had I ever dreamed he’d be available).  Someone my kids would definitely consider an upgrade over me.”  The Beek did show up via a pre-recorded video.  You can see that video, along with some clips from the event, on BillyMasters.com.

Elsewhere on the East Coast, the Boston Lyric Opera is kicking off it’s 2025-26 season with Verdi’s masterpiece, Macbeth.  There will be two performances – October 10^th and 12^th (I’ll be at the 12^th, should that sweeten the pot).  This is a great opportunity to see grand opera at its best.  Tickets and information can be found at BLO.org.  Tell ‘em Billy sent you!

This seems to be one of those columns knee-deep in nostalgia.  It was just announced that a reboot of Baywatch was greenlit by FOX for next season.  Some details still need to be worked out – including where the show will be situated.  While the original SoCal locale is the frontrunner, Australia is offering lots of perks.  Stay tuned.

In 1996, Baywatch breakout star Pamela Anderson made a splash in the film Barb Wire.  This is a favorite of mine, but somehow Pam missed it.  Earlier this year, her sons with Tommy Lee, Brandon and Dylan, asked her to watch it with them.  “So I did and I was like, ‘Oh my God.’  It was stuck in French with English subtitles.  I said, ‘That’s a good way to watch it.’  I could see it, but I couldn’t really hear me.”  It must have made an impact on her sons because they’ve launched a production company and are developing a series based on Barb Wire.  And, you know, if you can get grandmama to make a cameo and flash the puppies, all the better!

“Somebody once told me, ‘What you don’t understand
about royal families is that they think that
if they do it with a footman, it doesn’t count.”
– British journalist A. N. Wilson discussing the alleged bisexuality of Edward VIII,
otherwise known as Mr. Wallis Simpson.  Wallis, of course, is the subject
of a just-wrapped biopic starring Dame Joan Collins.

I don’t know if any of you have heard of the NBC Comedy Vault.  If you open your digital cable and go past all the music, Latin and sports channels, you will find this network that shows “classic NBC comedies” somewhere in the one thousands.  I’m expecting Seinfeld, Friends, Mad About You.  The only show they have is Will & Grace – and it’s on 24/7!  This includes the original series AND reboot.  Do you know how long it takes to get through all those episodes?  4.65 days.  Since I only saw the reboot episodes once, they were new to me.  And what I discovered was that many of them were really funny.  And some of them are unwatchable.  Towards the end, I watched an endless string of “very special episodes”.  Why can’t we just have a fun sitcom without a message from dead Rosario, Grace being fingered by her father’s former partner, or the revelation of Will’s coming-out letter?  Fear not – the NBC Comedy Vault is adding some other “classic” shows.  In coming months, we can enjoy the likes of Coach, Major Dad, and Charles in Charge!  No chance of a message in any of those.

By the by, didya know that John Barrowman was almost cast as Will Truman?  When he was brought to the network, the brass had one note – nobody would believe this guy was gay.  P.S.  He is gay!

There was no such trepidation when it came to Sean Hayes being cast as Jack.  The past few months, he’s been knocking ‘em dead in London’s Barbican Theatre as Oscar Levant in his hit play, Goodnight, Oscar.  Since the show closed last week, he’s sharing photos of famous folk visiting him backstage.  People like David Letterman, Eddie Redmayne, Antonio Banderas, Victor Garber, and even Sir Ian McKellen and Dame Judi Dench – forever quashing rumors that they are the same person.  But, wait, there was one photo that made me take pause.  So familiar, and yet I couldn’t place it.  Then it hit me – it was Elliot Page (formerly Ellen Page).  I looked at the caption and realized how wrong I was.  It was Ellen DeGeneres, with a dark pixie ‘do.  So wrong…and yet so right.

Meanwhile in Milan, Elliot Page made some news when he showed up on the red carpet at Milan Fashion Week with actress Julia Shiplett.  Reportedly, this is the first public “partner” for Page since his 2021 divorce from choreographer Emma Portner.  Both Elliot and Julia were wearing Gucci for the event.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Mark in Boston: “On The Weakest Link, Chord Overstreet revealed that back in 2010, he posed full frontal for the relaunched Playgirl.  He said it was the biggest order in the history of the magazine and he was paid $100K.  But his publicist decided against it and pulled all the copies off the rack.  Did you grab a copy and will you share the photos with your adoring public?”

It’s well documented that I’ll bend over backwards (or forwards) for my fans.  But in this particular case, I can’t comply because the photos don’t exist.  While Chord and Jane Lynch (who hosts The Weakest Link) obviously rehearsed this anecdote designed to give Chord something to titillate and provide relevance, it’s basically fiction.  As with most fiction, it is based on some fact.  It is true that Playgirl extended an offer to both Chord and Mark Salling to appear in the magazine back in 2010.  “We would be very willing to pay for them both – up to $100,000.  And it wouldn’t have to be fully X-rated, either.”  So, riddle me this – if Chord would have gotten $100K to not show all, why would he have done full frontal?  Obviously, he wouldn’t have.  The rag’s reps later said, “Chord’s people decided against it.”  Overstreet still asserts that the shoot occurred…and he kept the money.  “And then my publicist pulled it off the rack.”  If such a shoot happened, the results did not make it anywhere near a rack.  But if you’re interested in seeing his rack in some very sexy (non-nude) shots, check out BillyMasters.com.

When Overstreet is in the news, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  What a letdown – first Chord is pulled off the rack, and then Spike is pulled off the block.  But, hold the presses – Melissa Rivers is auctioning off some of Auntie Joan’s old wigs.  And that got me thinking – what if those wigs have some of Joan’s actual hair?  DNA!  We could build our very own Joan!  And she could appear with me on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that is cutting-edge.  If you’d like to get in on this endeavor, send an e-mail to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before anyone tries to cancel this column.  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

While The View did not tackle the Kimmel kerfuffle, they still made headlines with the return of Joy’s Comedy Corner – a segment which was abandoned some 15 years ago.  The inaugural guest was comedian Andy Huggins.  The 73-year-old Texan referred to the 82-year-old Behar as “young lady”.  The last person who was able to pull that off with a straight face was Methuselah who, I believe, accompanied Joy to her senior prom!

Meanwhile on CBS, the Emmy Awards attained the highest viewership in four years.  Coincidence or not, four years ago the Emmys were also on CBS.  This all may be a dubious thing to crow about, but this ain’t your parents’ production of Peter Pan…or perhaps it is.  Studies show that CBS is the most popular network with seniors.  Many of them are still looking for Angela Lansbury on Sunday nights after 60 Minutes.  And some of them find her!

One of the most beloved oldsters from television is Joan Rivers – who continues to make news 11 years after her death.  Suddenly, a cache of her bric-a-brac is hitting the auction block via Julien’s Auctions on October 9^th.  While I certainly don’t begrudge anyone from making a buck off a perished parent, one must question the optics of selling the remains of a beloved family pet.  Yes, an urn containing the ashes of Auntie Joan’s dead Yorkie Spike was among the items for sale.  While many people say you can’t put a price on things, the bidding was starting at $800.  Days after posting this particular “lot”, it was discreetly removed from the auction.  However, fear not – if you want a memento of Spike, his X-rays are still up for sale.  Be forewarned – when Christie’s sold Spike’s silver water bowl, it went for over $14K.  I guess you can put a price on this stuff!

Last week, I started my column with something I thought wasn’t necessary to say – violence is never the answer.  Since then, I cannot tell you how many people have expressed jubilation at the killing of Charlie Kirk – a person that most of my readers could not identify in a police lineup.  Personally, I knew the name, knew some of his beliefs, but didn’t give him more than a fleeting thought (if that).  The day we condone someone being killed who we disagree with is the day we put a target on our own backs.  Yes, there is some irony when one considers Kirk’s own words: “I think it’s worth to have a cost of, unfortunately, some gun deaths every single year so that we can have the Second Amendment to protect our other God-given rights.”  If he actually believed that, then perhaps somewhere he is happy.  But I don’t believe in any God-given rights that result in anyone being killed.

If you think Chuck’s quote above was a grammatical nightmare, take a gander at Kristin Chenoweth.  She’s been vilified by a number of gay fans over this statement regarding Kirk: “Didn’t always agree but appreciated some perspectives.”  Talk about nonsensical (the musical).  It’s ambiguous enough to mean virtually anything…or nothing.  But I believe everyone has the right to voice an opinion, and it doesn’t change my opinion on her one iota.

Rarely do I mention Constance Wu – and there’s a good reason for that.  The Crazy Rich Asian has joined the fray of people attacking poor Andrew Barth Feldman for accepting a job – like an actor nobody has ever heard of has options.  Wu feels that the role of a robot in South Korea should only be played by someone who is Korean.  Oh, sorry – correction – she actually doesn’t care if the person is Korean.  She apparently feels all Asians look alike – which gave a pass to that great Asian-American actor, Darren Criss.  He originated the lead role in Maybe Happy Ending on Broadway, won a Tony for his performances, and appears to be about as Asian as I do while eating Panda Express!  If Wu wants to take issue with something, perhaps start with the fact that Feldman’s leading lady is his girlfriend.  Maybe that’s why he nabbed the role during Criss’ hiatus (it should also be noted that Criss is partially Chinese and Filipino, with nary a drop of Korean DNA).  Of course, Criss may have gotten this role not because of his alleged Asian-ness, but more likely because he has some name recognition to help sell tickets.  Well, that gives him the edge over Miss Wu, who, it should be noted, is also not Korean.

“I’ve got to say, I’m friendly with the ladies on The View. 
But they didn’t say anything about this this week.  Nothing. 
You know, because it’s never been their thing to weigh in on the issues.”
– Bill Maher on ABC’s The View not commenting on Jimmy Kimmel
being “indefinitely suspended” by the same network.

Given what I’ve written thus far, my fondness for the First Amendment is pretty well documented.  This right should protect all people – just like I have the right to ignore them.  Alas, that did not extend to Jimmy Kimmel, who was “indefinitely suspended” by ABC/Disney, which is known to protect rights of most critters – from singing crickets to pesky rodents (but don’t get me started on rabbits and bears in the Old South!).   The issue came to a head when the Chairman of the FCC, Brendan Carr, threatened ABC.  “Over the years, the FCC has developed a body of case law on that and has suggested that most of these late night shows, other than SNL, are bona fide news programs”.  Of course, anyone getting their news from Michael Che and Colin Jost has bigger problems than can be dealt with within the confines of this column.

Predictably, all hell broke loose throughout the broadcast landscape – with the sole exception of The View.  On ABC’s flagship daytime chat show, the subject never came up.  There was a good reason for that.  The View holds a unique place in the television landscape since it straddles both the entertainment and the news divisions – much like David Muir straddles…well, let’s not even go there.  Make no mistaken, Carr has the ladies in his sights.  “Potentially I would assume you can make the argument that The View is a bona fide news show, but I’m not so sure about that, and I think it’s worthwhile to have the FCC look into whether The View and some of the programs that you have still qualify as bona fide news programs.”  While the show is produced by ABC News, all of the anchors have contracts with the entertainment division of the network (the sole exception was the late Barbara Walters, who always worked for ABC News).

Then there were the Creative Arts Emmys, where Queer Eye won its seventh award for Outstanding Structured Reality Program.  What makes it more impressive is that the show has only been on for nine seasons.  The one time it lost was last year, when Shark Tank snagged the award – and, let’s face it…Antoni is no Barbara Corcoran!  Those of you who got more than 200 in your math SATs are probably thinking, “But Billy – it’s been on for nine seasons.  You say it won seven Emmys and lost only once.  How is that possible?”  Well, seasons two and three both ran in 2018 (winter and summer) – so that year’s win was for two seasons.  The more you know…

As to the primetime Emmys, they just wrapped up moments before this was published.  So, in lieu of an Ask Billy question, let us mention a few highlights.  First, it must have been pretty steamy in that theatre – every forehead was glistening – unless there’s some topical Botox I’m unaware of!  It’s always a bad sign when the least recognizable person in the room is the host.  And, sure, I expected Michael Urie to get into The Golden Girls tribute.  But Colin Farrell?  Who knew?  Polly Holliday was snubbed from the In Memoriam segment, even though Linda Lavin was given a place of prominence.  I’m sure by the time you read this, we’ll find out who those kids were walking the winners off stage.  I’m assuming they have something to do with the Boy and Girl Scouts – either that or someone was casting a Benetton commercial (assuming Benetton still exists).

When I’m looking to score a box of Thin Mints, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  What more could you ask for?  Misbehaving moguls, weight loss, plastic surgery, and breaking news.  Why, it’s like 60 Minutes – without that pesky stopwatch!  While I enjoy my cookies, you can check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that is a favorite of many Emmy presenters (we’re very discreet).  If you want to discuss anything with me, send an e-mail to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Tyler Perry reveals he’s microdosing.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

I’m sure none of you expect me to talk about Taylor and Kelce.  You’re far more interested in one of her backup dancers.  Jan Ravnik previously appeared in Mariah Carey’s 2020 Christmas special, danced behind Paula Abdul during her Vegas residency, and even did “something” with Bruno Mars.  He was also named Best Dancer of Slovenia…twice!  Obviously Melania wasn’t in the running!  This season he’ll be heating things up on Dancing with the Stars.  Jan has bypassed the “troupe” and has joined the show as a pro paired with that Mormon chick.

Meanwhile on Broadway, Oh, Mary! has found a new star once Jinkx Monsoon departs the production.  Starting on October 14^th, Jane Krakowski will play the Widow Lincoln.  Now stop that – I can feel many of you out there rolling your eyes.  Who knows?  She might be good.  After all, she made her Broadway debut way back in 1987 as a member of n Starlight Express.  Admittedly, that isn’t helping the argument – unless Mary Todd suddenly decides to appear on roller skates!  She’s scheduled to be in the show until December 7^th.

The fall has been littered with a handful of award shows.  The MTV Video Music Awards found Ricky Martin with a handful of junk…his own!  Getting ready for the show, the waistband of his trousers had split – an occupational hazard quite common for those of us who don’t allow for much breathing room.  Moments before going onstage, he was photographed on a sofa in his dressing room darning up those darn slacks.  Happily (or not), he managed to stitch in time for his number.  As I always say, waist not, want not.

Let’s move onto another mogul – Andy Cohen.  On his SiriusXM show, a listener commented on how good he looks and asked if he’s been on Ozempic.  So he went public and admitted that he’s used one of those weight loss drugs to drop those pesky extra 25 pounds.  Here’s part of his response: “Given that for 20 years I have been asking people about their body regimens and that I’ve been pretty vocal about every time I go on a diet…I do think it would be completely hypocritical not to share that I did this summer lose a good chunk of weight by micro-dosing a GLP-1 all summer…I was really unhappy with my weight.  My doctor and I talked about this last year, had recommended a GLP-1 a few times – to not only address what I was feeling about my weight, but treat plaque in my arteries and high blood pressure…and I finally said yes.  And I have to say it really helped me with craving, which I was having a very hard time with, and really forcing myself to be more disciplined with my diet and with working out.”  Should you want to hear his full response, head on over to BillyMasters.com.

In a related story, Chelsea Handler has announced plans for some plastic surgery of her own.  While I doubt she’s a newbie to the scalpel, she just announced that she wants to have her ears done.  While fingering her lobes, she said, “You see my ears?  How they’re a little bit flappy?  They look like labia.  They look like they’ve been stretched out like a labia?”  I do hope she doesn’t end up with a gay plastic surgeon – he’ll have no idea what she’s talking about.  She added, “When I do my neck thing, I’m gonna get my ears trimmed.”  Finally, some body parts I recognize.

The Bold and the Beautiful is about to introduce their first gay couple.  I’m surprised this is a first for the show because back in 2015, B&B had a transgender character!  And that person MARRIED into the main family on the show!  Sure, the trans role was played by a non-trans actor – but that’s showbiz.  As to the current situation, the soon-to-air gay couple will be comprised of Christian Weissmann – who plays Remy, a troubled stalker of one woman and a quasi-accomplice of another who has committed at least two murders and is suddenly back from the dead.  Somehow he’s going from that to actor Harrison Cone, who will be playing an aspiring designer.  Stay tuned.

“It never got there…but everything else.”
– Charlie Sheen, when answering Bill Maher’s question about his role in gay sex –
“Which were you?”  Charlie clarified – “You mean when you’re changing the
fitted sheet and it says Top or Bottom?”

Violence is never the answer.  And I say that as someone with a big mouth (you’re welcome).  If someone was going to be a target, I’d be at the top of the list.  In 30 years, I’ve pissed off just as many as I’ve titillated.  I own that, and am happy to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune – as long as they aren’t real arrows (real slings are fine).  I have taken issue with people and then run into them days later.  But you know what’s never happened?  Nobody’s ever taken a swing at me.  The most violent act was when a gay celebrity couple threw a dinner roll at me.  I mean – carbs!  For the most part, people are civilized.  Could we keep it that way?

Which brings us to Tyler Perry.  I’ve not had any major interaction with him, so there is nothing personal in this story.  We’ve heard it all before.  Mogul meets hot cater waiter.  They exchange digits.  Cater waiter gets cast on the mogul’s show.  Mogul makes a pass.  Waiter declines.  Waiter is killed off the show.  Nothing to see here – move along.  Still, you may ask if I have a problem with any of that?  Not really.  If everyone’s getting what they want, great.  If someone isn’t and they want to end the “association”, that’s also fine with me.  Quid pro quo.

Since we’ve discussed the specifics of this story before, why are we going into it again?  Because said waiter, Derek Dixon, did an interview with ABC News last week.  It doesn’t sound like he’s backing down or even considering a settlement.  He feels that he was sexually harassed on a job and is going forward with his suit.  How do I feel about that?  Again, fine with me.  If a line was crossed and he legally prove that, great.  But is it worth $260 million?  That’s a whole lotta pigs in a blanket.  When asked how he came up with that amount, he said, “Part of that number is my lost job, my lost income, the loss of the show.  The other part of that is a deterrent for…you know, how do you stop a billionaire who won’t stop themselves from doing this.”  Thank you, Derek, but you lost me at the word “million”.  I call that a money grab.  You got a job.  You got paid for the job.  You also got some additional “perks”.  You said no, and got fired.  If you want to sue to get what you would have been paid for another couple of seasons, fine.  $260 thousand sounds more reasonable to me.  But millions?  I don’t think so.

Meanwhile, back in California, Marissa Jaret Winokur is returning to the world of Hairspray.  Last week, 5-Star Theatricals announced a three-week run of the beloved Broadway musical, which will be directed by Winokur.  And she’ll be in familiar company.  Her best friend, Ryan O’Connor, will be playing Edna, and Becky Lythgoe will take on the role of Velma.  As to Corny Collins, she’s enlisted the aid of Link from Hairspray LIVE! – our own Garrett Clayton!  “I knew he had to be my Corny Collins!  He was so fantastic as Link.  I always said Link would grow up to be Corny!  So this was the easiest casting of all times!  I started begging lol and he stopped me and said yes!!  I feel so grateful!  Can’t wait to get started!”  The show opens on October 10^th at the Bank of America Performing Arts Center in Thousand Oaks, California.  Grab your tix at 5StarTheatricals.com.

The Hairspray connection continues with news that another beloved movie is making the transition to the stage.  Romy and Michele: The Musical will open off-Broadway on October 28^th.  Taking on the role of Romy (played in the film by Mira Sorvino) will be Laura Bell Bundy, who created the role of Amber von Tussel in Hairspray on Broadway.  Fun fact – this week, Mira Sorvino is making her Broadway debut in Chicago as Roxie Hart.

Another former Roxie, Pamela Anderson, is considering appearing in another musical – but this time on film.  Queen of the Falls is described as a tale about two lovers on the run.  Obviously Pamela would be one of the leads, and her lover may very well be played by Guy Pearce.  Stay tuned.

Julie Chen recently revealed that she was not the first choice to host Big Brother.  Tell us something we don’t know?  Julie’s rarely the first choice for anything, including the role of Mrs. Moonves (that honor goes to Nancy Wiesenfeld, who Leslie married back in 1978).  Julie says that the network’s first choice for hosting the reality show was Meredith Vieira.  How one goes from Meredith to Chen is another of those unsolved mysteries.  What I couldn’t have predicted was that Julie initially turned down the gig.  Why?  Because she had aspirations to be a correspondent on 60 Minutes!  The brass assured her that hosting a reality show would have no bearing on her chances to join 60 Minutes.  Either way, she’d never get that gig.

Deep in my Ask Billy sack was a question from Jason in New York City with a reality TV connection: “Who is Freddie Stroma, the hot blond on Peacemaker?  I think you’ve written about him before.”

I have indeed, but it’s been a while.  I first discovered Freddie in 2015 when he starred in UnREAL, Lifetime’s spoof of The Bachelor.  That’s also where he met his future wife, but we don’t need to go into that.  Fun fact – Freddie’s legal name is Frederic Wilhelm C. J. Sjöström, which is of some sort of Scandinavian derivation and may very well be the name of the leading man in A Little Night Music.  Since I don’t watch Peacemaker, I did have to research this and was delighted to find the footage of Freddie clad only in his tighty whities while being doused with some sort of alcoholic beverage.  It must be a straight thing, but you can see it on BillyMasters.com.

When we’re featuring a straight thing on a very gay website, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  I am delighted to report that the intervening decade has not taken too much of a toll on Stroma’s stamina.  In fact, he’s still as energetic as ever, which fits in well on  www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’ll leave you breathless.  If you’ve got a question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Tucker proves Pete’s gay.  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

On September 21^st, the Broadway production of Cabaret will prematurely close due to the illness of Billy Porter, who is/was playing the Emcee, and doesn’t look like the picture of health on his best day.  “Due to a serious case of sepsis, Billy Porter must also withdraw from the production.  His doctors are confident that he will make a full recovery but have advised him to maintain a restful schedule.”  Talk about your mixed messages – “serious case of sepsis”, “will make a full recovery”, and a closing date two weeks away.  Something’s rotten in the state of Denmark.

The timing of Billy Porter’s illness is intriguing in light of this next story.  Porter and Boy George will appear in a big-screen retelling of Dickens’ A Christmas Carol – talk about strange bedfellows.  The star of Christmas Karma will be Kunal Nayyar as Sood (aka Scrooge) with Billy as the Ghost of Christmas Present and Boy as the Ghost of Christmas Future.  They will be joined by Eva Longoria as the Ghost of Christmas Past.  The film opens in cinemas on November 14^th, but I don’t think you need to rush.  Something tells me you’ll be able to watch it from the comfort of your own home in time for Christmas (if not Thanksgiving).

Greg Louganis has made a huge change in his life.  As I’m sure you know, he was adopted when he was an infant and raised by Greek-American parents.  Later in life, he discovered his biological parents were Swedish and Samoan – and trust me, that’s not a combo platter you come across every day.  Last week, our favorite Olympian added another thread to the tapestry that makes up his life – he became Panamanian!  Due to his precarious financial situation and other personal factors, he sold his beloved California home, as well as three Olympic medals to finance a move to South America.  “While many people may have built businesses and sold them for a profit, I had my medals, which I am grateful for.”  But, fear not – he’s not completely turning his back on the US of A.  He recently signed with Innovative Artists Entertainment for representation in all television and speaking engagements.

If he really wants to know specifics, he could just talk to Charlie Sheen.  Last week, Sheen revealed that he’s had man-man sex – and he didn’t necessarily dislike it.  “A lot of it was fun,” says Charlie.  Well, at least he’s being honest…to a point.  He claims that most of his gay sex happened while he was high on crack.  “That’s what started it.”  Tail as old as time.  Yes, that’s a Disney, ageist, and a drug joke – call me versatile.  Where did Sheen make these big revelations?  In People magazine, naturally.  And on Good Morning America to Michael Strahan (insert your own joke).  This was in order to help promote his new book, The Book of Sheen, and his Netflix documentary, aka Charlie Sheen.  Since both come out after this column hits the streets, I don’t have a lot of specifics.   But Charlie did reveal that some of his partners were a bit less than honorable.  “It did come with a tremendous amount of extortion” – which I think means he paid for it.  Well, we all pay for it…one way or another.

“I’m not ruling it out.  I’m not saying no,
but I’m also not saying yes.”
– Eric Trump’s response when asked if he would run for president in 2028. 
As if there’s gonna be an election in 2028.

We’re in a time when the inconceivable happens on a daily basis.  And yet, I am still shocked.  I inexplicably found myself watching CNN when I heard the news that the Department of Justice is considering banning transgender people from owning guns.  The excuse for this is the shooting in a Minneapolis church that was allegedly perpetrated by a trans woman.  This made me wonder – exactly how many crazed trans people are shooting people?  Being a stickler for stats, I can tell you – since 1966, the number of mass shootings by trans people is less than one percent.   Admittedly, that number goes up a smidge if you consider people who have been in Jodie Foster movies.  I looked further and found that the mass shootings committed by women are less than four percent.  Seems to me, the solution is to take guns away from men.  But I’m no expert…or casting director.

Days later, I read something even more implausible.  Tucker Carlson (who has a lifetime subscription to BillyMasters.com) accused Pete Buttigieg of secretly being straight!  Yes, he believes Mayor Pete is pretending to be gay to help his political career.  Isn’t that a kick?  Being gay can actually help you win an election – or at least Tucker believes so, and who would argue with him?  Other than Ann Coulter (see the previous item).  So, riddle me this – how would Tucker prove such a thing?  He’d like to sit down with Pete and ask him specific questions about his sex life.  How kinky!  “I’ve always wanted to interview him.  He’s never agreed to an interview, but I’m gonna ask him like some very specific questions about gay sex and see if he can even answer.  I doubt he even knows.”  Which begs the question – how much does Tucker know?  Oh, that nasty boy.

A scurrilous rumor was circulating that Becks Motor Lodge in San Francisco was poised to sell.  Not true.  The landmark establishment in the middle of the Castro neighborhood opened its doors in 1958 and ever since has serviced our community (to say nothing of truckers, who frequented the parking lot).  It’s still a family business. When contacted, they said, “Thanks for checking with us.  We are alive and well!”

I hate to bring up El Presidente week after week.  But, you know, he’s column-worthy, if not sponge-worthy.  Apropos of the announcement of this year’s Kennedy Center Honorees, along with news that El plans to host the event, a reporter asked if there were any truth to the rumors that he was considering renaming the venue with his own name.  He chuckled and said, “Maybe in a week or so.”  Sometimes a joke ain’t so funny.

I should have predicted this week’s Ask Billy question.  Gary in Miami wrote, “Is it true that Antoni is off the market?  What do you know about his boyfriend?”

What can I say?  Hot guys simply bounce back faster.  They also tend to bounce up and down with enormous enthusiasm…but that’s another story.  As to Antoni Porowski from Queer Eye, he hadn’t been linked with anyone seriously since the implosion of his engagement to Kevin Harrington.  Recently, however, he’s been turning up at events with Zacharias Niedzwiecki, who is described as a “personal trainer”.  What he is training little Antoni to do, I’ll leave to your vivid imagination.  Never underestimate the power of pecs (to say nothing of rock-hard abs).  The duo has even taken the liaison to social media – which means something, according to my tween nieces.  I don’t want to minimize either of their appeal.  It’s entirely possible that they could have looks and other less tangible attributes.  But for now, we’ll let you sample their more visible wares on BillyMasters.com.

When one man’s fuck buddy is another man’s boyfriend (and who hasn’t been there?), we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  I was thinking – Big Daddy lasted to 92.  That means I could be writing this column another…oh, four decades or so (allowing for a generous conversion to gay years).  If that’s the case, you should probably get in on the ground floor of www.BillyMasters.com – the site that encourages bouncing of all kinds.  The more you bounce, the looser my lips get…so to speak.  If you’d like to try ‘em out, drop a note and your questions to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before David Geffen endows a Billy Masters Chair (I always enjoy sharing a chair with a well-endowed man).  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Mike Sorrentino (better known to my fans as The Situation) wrote a memoir.  That’s not even the news, although it’s news to me.  His memoir is being adapted into a documentary – perhaps a multi-part documentary.  I suppose it could be worse – it could become a musical!

In a recent interview, sexy Austin Butler was asked if he would bring Paul Mescal, Barry Keoghan or Saoirse Ronan to a pub.  Austin said, “Barry would be a great time, but I wouldn’t subject him to that.”  He added he previously partied with Mescal.  “We once went to a bar and they shut it down and then they played show tunes.  And Paul and I danced and had a great time.”  One might even call it a gay ol’ time.  Not necessarily me, but one.

A reunion of the cast of Dawson’s Creek is taking place as a charity benefit on Broadway on September 22^nd.  The evening will benefit F Cancer – the brainchild of James Van Der Beek, who has been diagnosed with Stage 3 colorectal cancer.  Joining the Beek will be my bon ami John Wesley Shipp alongside Michelle Williams, Joshua Jackson, Katie Holmes, Mary-Margaret Humes, Mary Beth Peil, Kerr Smith, Busy Philipps and more.  The plan is to do a live reading of the pilot to the series.  But would people come?  Uh, yes, they would.  Tickets for the one-night-only event sold out in 12 minutes!

Elsewhere on Broadway, the producers of Maybe Happy Ending have made the startling announcement that Darren Criss hasn’t actually left the show – despite the statements and press releases to the contrary.  He’s simply taking an “extended vacation”.  He plans to return on November 5^th.  I do hope that all of the crap Andrew Barth Feldman received for not being of Korean descent continues towards Criss, who likewise has not a drop of Korean blood in his DNA.  I hesitate from saying he has no Korean in him – because, you know, a gig’s a gig!

If the politically correct folks out there want to find someone to hate, look no further than Dame Helen Mirren.  The esteemed actress was asked how she felt about there one day being a female James Bond.  “I wish them well.  I’m excited for the next man to come on the stage.  I’m such a feminist, but you can’t have a woman playing James Bond.  It just doesn’t work.  James Bond has to be James Bond, otherwise it becomes something else”.

This got me thinking about my legacy.  Obviously there will be many universities that will teach The Art of Billy Masters.  Young writers will attempt to emulate my indefinable je ne sais quoi (I’ve got a whole lotta quoi to pass on).  I’ll probably take on several fledgling, nubile youths as protégés.  Unlike my many now-defunct colleagues, a strong part of my legacy is my ability to be a fair and unbiased arbiter of news – unless it’s about someone I either slept with or don’t like (often one and the same).  So since we’ve already told you the side of the hooker/porn star that David Geffen married, I feel strongly that we must give the mogul a chance to have his say. 

To remind you, the twosome married in 2023 with no prenup and no children (that we know of).  Donovan Michael (aka Brandon Foster, aka David Armstrong) is requesting spousal support and has filed a lawsuit against Geffen claiming breach of contract.  Answering these charges, Geffen calls the claim “a work of fiction”.  “Plaintiff cannot embarrass Geffen and extort a settlement with petty gossip and salacious lies.”  The retort states that “Geffen loved Plaintiff and treated him with nothing but kindness, respect, and generosity throughout their relationship.”  Geffen freely admits that their initial “encounter” was transactional – $10K for the full night (how presidential of him).  He also claims that Michael used assistants to charge hundreds of thousands of dollars to Geffen’s accounts – although, to be fair, if you’re married to David Geffen, you expect that’s not a big deal.  Geffen adds that in the final months of the marriage, Donovan spent a pretty penny on OnlyFans and paying for male escorts.  Again, I kinda expect that in a Geffen marriage, but you probably have to run it by him first (might I suggest a “play together” clause?).

Before leaping into this next story, I feel compelled to again point out that Kevin Spacey has never been convicted of any crime.  Spacey continues his bid for a return to Hollywood by attending the Venice Film Festival – my favorite of the European festivals (with the exception of the Danish Clogging Festival).  Since no notable acting roles have dropped into Kevin’s lap (so to speak), he’s directing.  Holiguards Saga – The Portal Of Force is termed as a “sci-fi thriller” and Kevin co-stars with Dolph Lundgren and Eric Roberts.  Even more ridiculous, his producers are throwing a “gala” to accompany a screening of the trailer.  Yes, the trailer – not even the film!  They say the event will include “live performances by an opera singer and a Georgian dance ensemble”.  You throw some clogs on them Georgians and I’m there!

“I know just how you feel because I have had these deep,
loving relationships with men in my life,
and all my wives were jealous.”
– Vincent Price’s response when his daughter, Victoria Price,
came out to him as a lesbian. And suddenly, all the pieces fall into place.

Last week, we celebrated the 30^th anniversary of this weekly column.  That works out to over 1,500 columns – each of which had about 1,500 words.  Oh, the symmetry is almost poetic.  I, for one, can’t believe I’ve done the same thing, day in, day out, for 30 years.  One minute you’re celebrated as the voice of several generations, and the next minute, you celebrate something a bit closer to home – the life of Big Daddy Masters.  Yes, at the age of 92, my father passed away after a relatively short illness.  I know popular convention says I should feel sad about this, but all in all, I’m mostly filled with gratitude.  I had a parent who was inexplicably always proud of me – and trust me, that was no small feat.  He didn’t always say it, but I always knew.  With the passage of time and knowing many people who had contentious relationships with their parents, I’m acutely aware of how lucky I was.  Rest in peace.

This week’s Ask Billy question arrived just under the wire.  Randy in Maine said, “What is going on with Lil Nas X?  Tell me this was all a big publicity stunt.”

Famed composer George M. Cohan once said, “I don’t care what the newspapers say about me, as long as they spell my name right.”  Of course, it’s rumored that Georgie was more concerned that they’d write “Cohen” and folks might think he was Jewish.  That’s neither hither nor yon.  Let’s clear up a few things about Nas (real name Montero Hill).  He was not arrested walking around downtown Los Angeles naked.  He was filmed by a driver walking down Ventura Boulevard in Studio City at 4AM on Thursday, August 21^st clad in only white Speedo-style undies and white cowboy boots.  The arrest happened around 6AM – after Nas “charged at officers and was taken into custody”.  He was initially brought to a hospital to be checked out and then was formally charged with “resisting or obstructing an officer”.  Fun fact – this is known as charge 69 (a) of the penal code.  Well, if you’re gonna be guilty of a penal code, 69 is a good place to start.  Unlike arrests of a non-violent nature and eligible for immediate bail, resistance is considered violent.  So Nas was put in Valley Jail in Van Nuys and held until Monday, August 25^th (when this column drops).  Was it a stunt?  Unless the stunt was to see how many dicks he could take in a prison cell, I’m guessing no.  But should you care to see him strut his stuff, check out BillyMasters.com.

When I’m already looking forward to Marilyn Maye’s 100^th birthday, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  Being of a certain age, I had a colonoscopy last week (a younger friend had an incident that reminded me early detection is the best prevention).  I am not only glad to report my clean bill of health, but the post-procedural report indicates that my colon was in the top percentile for cleanliness.  What can I say – practice, practice, practice.  Like Nas, I’ll show you a w/hole lot more on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that is anything but clean.  Should you want to show me your penal (penile) code, send a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Nas does a remake of Sheena Easton’s “Strut”.  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

As I’ve rounded out most summers in the past, I ventured down to Provincetown to see the ageless Marilyn Maye in concert – this time, beyond the confines of a smaller venue and commanding Town Hall.  To call her ageless is actually ridiculous – she’s 97 years old and proud of it.  This marks her 14^th year performing in Ptown (a few years before that, Auntie Marilyn was part of a group I vacationed with).  That she resembles some of the drag queens in town only tickles her: “They used to tell me that people in Ptown only went to see drag queens.  I told them to bill me as a drag queen!”  When many performers get up there in years, reviewer say things like, “She sounds good for her age.”  Make no mistake – Marilyn Maye sounds good for ANY age.  She is suddenly in this refreshed stage of her career, and her Provincetown concert was better than I’ve heard her in over a decade.  She loves performing, and performing has certainly returned the favor and given her a vibrancy that belies her many decades.  This show celebrated her record-holding 76 appearances on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, and I swear I never heard her sing more than half that material.  It was really a special night, and the capacity audience showered her with love – including vigorous rhythmic foot stomping straight out of a Leni Riefenstahl flick!  I found it all quite emotional and told her I was moved to tears.  “I was that bad?” she quipped.  Hardly!  Some highlights were the theme songs to Cabaret and The Way We Were, a medley of “By Myself” and “Being Alive”, and the entire first-act finale to Hello, Dolly!…to say nothing of a kick-ass rendition of “I Will Survive” (most of which can be found on BillyMasters.com).  Bravo to producer Mark Cortale for bringing her to town each and every year.

Another of my favorite annual events is GayDays Anaheim.  While some continue to debate whether I was a founding father, what is not in doubt is that I’ve always supported this fantastic gathering at Disneyland in Anaheim – and I’m not even one of those Disney Queens (although I certainly enjoy them).  The upcoming event takes place September 12-14 and includes quite a few of my favorite queens – Ginger Minj, Kay Sedia, and even Cheyenne Jackson.  You can check out the full lineup of events and buy tickets in advance at GayDaysAnaheim.com.

It takes a lot to get my goat (even single fellas need someone to cuddle with occasionally).  But consider my goat gotten with news from Orlando – a city where they do a helluva lot more with the goat than just cuddle!  Under the dark of night, the rainbow crosswalks commemorating the shooting at the gay nightclub Pulse mysteriously disappeared.  There’s a whole lotta passing the buck.  The Florida Department of Transportation issued a memo in June ordering all cities in the state to remove rainbow-colored crosswalks, or they could face withholding of transportation funds.  But they say the order came from the top.  US Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy (who I would never term as a “top”) sent an edict to all states saying intersections should be “kept free from distractions”.  He added, “Taxpayers expect their dollars to fund safe streets, not rainbow crosswalks.”  That may be so, but the Orlando mayor Buddy Dyer points out that this particular crosswalk is part of a larger memorial, which was set to be completed in 2027.  “This callous action of hastily removing part of a memorial to what was at the time our nation’s largest mass shooting, without any supporting safety or discussion, is a cruel political act.”  Not to be deterred, area children corrected the situation by filling in the crosswalk colors in chalk.  Temporary but touching.

I’d like to weigh in on an item you may have heard elsewhere, Colton Underwood has let it be known that he’d like to be partnered with Mark Ballas on Dancing with the Stars.  It bears noting that Ballas retired from competition when he won the Len Goodman Mirrorball Trophy in 2022.  And, with all due respect to the fence-hopping former Bachelor, you are neither a dancer nor a star.  Keep it in your pants, cowboy.

Months ago we told you about the HBO documentary Enigma which compared the lives and careers of Amanda Lear and Lady April Ashley.  In it, the director attempted repeatedly to get Lear to admit she was transgender and previously worked at Le Carrousel under the moniker Peki d’Oslo.  Lear stubbornly said, “People say that, and I never deny.  I say think what you want.  You’re free to think.  But I know who I am, you know?  Like the Queen – never complain, never explain.”  But she’s got some explaining to do – like why she sat down for the interview in the first place.  She claims that she was lied to by the filmmaker.  “They said they wanted to celebrate my career.  Instead it was a pretext to spread the usual fake news about my alleged transgender identity.”  Lear is considering taking legal action against the filmmakers and HBO.

“I love playing gay.  I’ll play gay.  I’ll play straight. 
I’ll do anything.  I am very versatile.”
– Luke Macfarlane toots his own horn.  Now, that’s something I’d pay to see!

Picture it – Boston, 1995.  A young man, who looked significantly younger than his chronological age, got a call from his best friend on a hot August afternoon.  The friend worked for a gay newspaper in San Francisco, and they were in desperate need of a gossip column.  I don’t remember all of the details – it was something about someone being fired, embezzling checks, a 5PM deadline, and blowing a job at the printer.  That young-ish man was me.  The SF paper is now defunct.  The friend is retired in Las Vegas and working as one of the more successful Siegfried impersonators (on arthritic days, he plays Roy).  Against all odds, that column is still here – 30 years later.  The moral of this story is, damn, I look good for my age! Oh, yeah, and I’ve spent these three decades entertaining the masses.  Week in, week out.  52 weeks a year.  For 30 years.  That’s…well, it’s a shitload of columns!  Now, when I go to the printer – well, the blowjob is on the other foot.

When I started out in 1995, the Menendez boys were already young adults and the murder of their parents was 6 years earlier.  Some stories keep on giving.  Last week, the brothers got their very first parole hearings – and were both denied.  They can try again in three years (unless Gavin Newsom grants them clemency – which is probably something El Presidente would do if he were in Newsom’s rather large shoes).  While the murder of their parents is a big part of why they’re still in jail (the risk assessment listed them as “moderate”), the main sticking point during the parole hearing was around a cell phone!  Lyle was asked why he was in possession of an illegal cell phone in prison.  Lyle said he used the phone to stay in touch with relatives.  It was then pointed out that he already had access to a tablet for that purpose.  Which begs the question – prisoners can have tablets?

You know who had a career before the ‘70s?  Mamie Van Doren – the last surviving Hollywood blond bombshell.  I’m always suspicious when people make allegations about folks who have passed away.  The 94-year-old Mamie claims that Rock Hudson wanted her in a sexual way.  No, really – she believes that.  During an arranged studio date, Van Doren says, “He came on to me, and in my book I told about having on a Crimmins skirt and him getting very passionate and rolling on the kitchen floor.”  Did it occur to her that maybe he just wanted the skirt?

By the by, Mamie and several other former Hollywood luminaries will be honored at Cinecon 61, which takes place in Hollywood over Labor Day Weekend.  The special honorees, in addition to Mamie, include Ann-Margret, Pat Boone, Juliet Mills and her “versatile” husband, Maxwell Caulfield.  You can grab tix at Cinecon.org.

This week’s Ask Billy question was troubling.  Henry from Chicago asks, “What is really going on with Gladys Knight?  Is she really losing it?”

We’re not quite sure.  Gladys has a son, Shanga (who had a short-lived bakery in Las Vegas).  He believes his 81-year-old mom is being forced to perform by her husband of 25 years, William McDowell, despite her declining cognitive ability.  Shanga went to Health and Human Services and filed a complaint against McDowell for elder abuse.  They are investigating.  Shanga is basing his opinion on Gladys forgetting lyrics and appearing disoriented onstage.  Additionally, he says sometimes she doesn’t even know who she is.  It bears mentioning that she didn’t miss a single concert on the recent The Queens Tour alongside Patti LaBelle, Chaka Khan and Stephanie Mills.  Gladys made her own statement: “I’m sorry that my health and performances have been misrepresented.  I want my fans and those concerned to rest assured I am doing very well for someone who has been on stage for three quarters of a century – hard to believe, right?  I’m healthy and happy and visiting friends and family these last few months.  I’m excited to get back on the road with my sisters and on stage with The Queens Tour.  See you soon.” 

Of course, it didn’t end there.  Gladys’ publicist (who works with Knight’s husband/manager) was less polite: “Gladys and her team are greatly saddened by Shanga’s unfounded allegations, especially as he has had no substantial contact with her.  She has not been on tour since June 1^st and can’t wait to begin touring again in September.  At this time our lawyers have no choice but to explore any and all legal remedies due to Shanga’s defamatory comments.”  This won’t be their first legal battle.  Back in 2017, Gladys successfully sued Shanga for opening a chain of unauthorized restaurants called Gladys Knight’s Chicken & Waffles!

When all I’m thinking about is chicken and waffles, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  Before closing, we must acknowledge the passing of Terence Stamp, who bore a striking resemblance to the late Jeanne Cooper.  His death dashes hopes for a Priscilla sequel – something I never thought would or should happen.  What will definitely happen is more dish on a regular basis on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that never met a Twinkie it didn’t like!  If you have a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Gladys goes back on tour (which is September 19^th in Greensboro, NC).  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Let me tell you something nobody will – people don’t go on The Bachelor to find love, they don’t go on American Idol because they can sing, and they certainly don’t go on America’s Got Talent because they have any.  People go on all of these shows because they want to be famous.  And that doesn’t just go for contestants.  Like his sister Julianne, Derek wants it…BAD.  He can check another thing off his list – he’s been named the new host for Extra.  Yes, he’s dangerously entering Mario Lopez territory by snagging Billy Bush’s former gig.  Derek says, “The ballroom has been my stage, my home, and my launchpad.” Truer words were never uttered.

You would think being President of the United States would be a big enough gig.  But no, not for El Presidente.  He, too, is returning to his TV roots to host the Kennedy Center Honors – or whatever they’ll be called by December.  You’ll recall during his last reign, he didn’t even attend the telecast.  Not only will he host, he says he was “about 98% involved” in the selection of the honorees (so much for his hand-picked committee).  They include George Strait, Michael Crawford, Sylvester Stallone, Gloria Gaynor, and the band KISS.  What?  No Village People?

Many people have taken exception to Gloria Gaynor accepting this honor.  Ana Navarro said, “The woman is a goddess and deserves all the flowers that come her way.  But I wish she wouldn’t accept an award from the hands of a man who has attacked the rights and history of women, people of color and LGBTQ.  The gay community in particular, helped turn her signature song into an anthem.  Trump is a stain on the prestige and significance of the KCH.  Don’t do it, Gloria!”  Raconteur Bruce Vilanch pointed out that while honorees don’t speak during the telecast, they do the night before at the White House.  “It would be the appropriate moment for Gloria Gaynor to accept the honor by thanking the LGBT community that has kept her working for four decades and that is being so demonized by the current administration…it may be the only way she can redeem herself in the eyes of the one fan base that has been her economic engine since the ‘70s.”

You wanna hear about sex and the city?  Renée Taylor’s new play Dying Is No Excuse recounts her epic love story with Joe Bologna.  She’s been working on this for a while, and there have been several readings in NYC and FL (know your audience, I always say).  It just had its world premiere at the Unicorn Theatre Company in the Berkshires under the direction of Elaine May!  But don’t try to go – the entire run sold out in a matter of hours.  That didn’t stop Fran Drescher from flying in for opening night – not only to cheer on Renée Taylor, but also Nicholle Tom, who plays a young Renée Taylor (she also played Fran’s stepdaughter on The Nanny).  Fun fact – while I know Renée, Fran, and Nicholle, one of them was the last woman I made out with.  I don’t want to give you too many clues.  But it was in the driveway after a holiday party.  I swear there was something in that eggnog.

Last weekend, I zipped back down to Provincetown to the legendary Post Office Café and Cabaret to check out two of the most popular shows in town.  First is Miss Richfield 1981, who is celebrating 23 years in Ptown with her latest venture, There’s A Pill For That.  I dunno what pills she’s taking, but she looks terrific.  With nary a blue dress in sight, she’s singing and dancing and entertaining the capacity crowds.  She hasn’t lost any of her luster or spice.  In fact, this new show has a strong theme, catchy ditties, and naughty off-the-cuff barbs.  Make your plans early – she regularly sells out.  And after Labor Day, she tours.  Check out her full schedule on MissRichfield.com.

Also at the Post Office Cabaret is the latest creation from the talented Jamie Morris of Mommie Queerest fame (not the version with a body count).  This year, he does what the kids call a mash-up.  He cleverly combines The Golden Girls with Mean Girls to bring us Golden Mean Girls.  This is Jamie’s 8^th season in Ptown, and this show may be his best.  He’s brilliant as Blanche, although Sophia’s breasts (as embodied by Payton St. James) come close to stealing the show.  For those interested in a twink who has probably never eaten a Twinkie, then Zachary McEvoy is for you (he also works at Joe Coffee).  It plays Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays at 10PM – which still leaves you plenty of time to go out and get lucky.  Tix to both can be purchased at PostOfficeCafe.net.

Speaking gals with great gams, our very own Alaska Thunderfuck is off the market.  The diva made the announcement on social media: “My longtime partner Matthew Herrmann proposed to me yesterday.  It was after my grandma’s 90^th birthday celebration.”  Way to upstage Nana!

“The woman looked out her window and realized she still harbored
ill will towards the former lover who shattered the antique glass. 
It may have been a romantic gesture, but she was robbed of rainbows
forever.  The woman considered taking a trip.  But who could housesit? 
There was the gardener, who was taking an inordinate amount of time
planting a few bulbs.  Or maybe the son of a friend who knocked up a
woman of ample proportions and had a companion named after
a theme park.  No.  The woman would stay home.  And write. 
And write.  And write…books that nobody would read.”

I suspect fans of Carrie Bradshaw’s column are much like fans of Billy Masters – not particularly into the bodice-ripper genre.   Rule one for writing a show – have a story you want to tell.  Clearly that rule went out the broken window.  After 10 hours I’ll never get back, you know what I was left with?  A shrug.  Fine – but who cares?  I was left with a question – where does one find this magical karaoke machine that also is preloaded with songs sung by the original artist?  I also thought that if one wanted a show about people in their sixties who were interested in sex and the city, why not set it in London and follow the exploits of a certain ex-pat named Samantha?  I’d watch that!

Our Ask Billy question came from Steve in NYC: “I often see Andy Cohen around, but recently people have been whispering that he’s a sexual predator.  Any thoughts?”

Plenty.  While I’ve learned to not believe the good or the bad, kooky Kenley Collins, the outspoken Project Runway alum, has opinions she’s not holding back.  “Do you guys really think Harvey Weinstein was the worst one on set?  Andy Cohen was.  Andy was disgusting, horrible, worst, predator with the gays, hopping around the set like, ‘Hey Twinks!’”  To be fair, that doesn’t sound so bad.  She went on: “Propositioning designers to have a threesome in exchange for their own show.”  OK, now you’ve crossed the line.  You can hear every bit of her rant on BillyMasters.com.  Including this one: “We thought you were Tim Gunn’s boyfriend – you were so up his ass!”

When we’re giving you a visual you don’t necessarily want, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words.  You’ll get thousands of words and oodles of photos on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that, like Kenley, doesn’t hold back.  If you want more dish, send an e-mail to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Dean Cain makes his next film – perhaps starring Jussie Smollett!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

I took a quick jaunt down to the Provincetown Theater to see Christopher Durang’s Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike.  While I’d love to ramble on about the fantastic set and unfussy direction, these plays all rise or fall on the actors.  Provincetown is fortunate to have a balanced troupe that works well together.  Since I know my audience, let’s get right to Jeff Brackett as Spike.  One must acknowledge his physical beauty, his rippling body, an ass that goes on for days, and a penis that bounces along in the undies he’s usually sporting.  But, brace yourself – he can also act.  There is such depth to his portrayal, one wonders if he put more thought into the role than Durang himself!  It may seem impossible based on what I just said, but Jennifer Cabral steals virtually every scene she’s in.  Her Sonia is always up to something – even if it’s just a twinkle in her mischievous eyes.  Susan Lambert as Masha gets most of the bitchy lines and plays imperious to the hilt.  William Mullin captures the frustration of downtrodden Vanya to the point that he is the most Chekhovian.  The show has been playing to full houses all summer, so I suggest you grab tickets quickly since it closes on August 28^th.  More information can be found at ProvincetownTheater.org.

Meanwhile in NYC, Jinkx Monsoon took over the titular role in Broadway’s Oh, Mary! and had a resounding success.  Somehow I missed that she’d be joined by Kumail Nanjiani as Lincoln (naturally) and Michael Urie as her teacher.  The cast was rapturously received by the capacity crowd.  They stay with the show until September 28^th.

Across the pond, Rosie O’Donnell enjoyed capacity crowds at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival with a new solo show.  Rosie O’Donnell: Common Knowledge is more of a one-woman show than her usual stand-up act.  It’s the story of her life, starting with the death of her mother – predictably not one of the funnier sections.  One critic described it this way: “The US star’s engaging set is largely an earnest love letter to her non-binary child and newly adopted home of Ireland.”  The run sold out quickly and critics are applauding the meld of writing, comedy and storytelling.  Someone who saw a preview in Dublin was Cynthia Nixon.  “Nothing like seeing my friend (and Miranda’s one-night stand, Mary) kill it onstage IN DUBLIN.  And we had the luck of the Irish to see her once more at the airport as she was taking her show to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.”

We’re a fickle bunch.  If Dean Cain still looked like he did in Lois & Clark, we’d forgive him anything.  But being twice that size and championing El Presidente, the former Dean Tanaka is dead to us (not in the literal sense, of course).  Last week, I almost posted a quote about how much he loved playing gay in Greg Berlanti’s Broken Hearts Club.  This week, he said this: “I’ve spoken with some officials over at ICE, and I will be sworn in as an ICE agent ASAP.”  Margaret Cho took exception, and I’ll let her speak for us all.  “Why would you join ICE and encourage people to join ICE when your ancestors were interned in World War II?  You’re Japanese.  You’re not even white…I know you, and you are not white…You’re never gonna be white, no matter how many of these white activities that you participate in, no matter how racist you are…Always Wong, never white.”  John Leguizamo chimed in: “What kind of loser volunteers to be an ICE officer?  What a moron! Dean Cain, your pronouns are has/been.”  It’s important to remember how many minorities and women and gays (oh my) not only support El but are also Republicans.  Cain, for his part, seems to be someone with his own sense of civic responsibility.  He said, “For those who don’t know, I am a sworn law enforcement officer, as well as being a filmmaker, and I felt it was important to join with our first responders to help secure the safety of all Americans, not just talk about it.”

Someone else with a questionable past is joining the “special forces” – at least on TV.  Jussie Smollett dips his toe back into the entertainment business by returning to the FOX network for Special Forces.  He’ll be competing against such people as Teresa Giudice, Jessie James Decker, and Johnny Manziel.  My money’s on Teresa!

Everyone lusted over Lukas Gage and Chris Appleton when they were a couple.  That was one helluva long weekend!  Recently, the hair-hopper said, “You can love someone and there not be a forever happy ending.  And just because it’s not forever doesn’t mean it didn’t mean something.”  Yes, it meant something – that you’re both nuts!  Previously Lukas called getting married after dating for two months, “unhinged”.  “I don’t know literally what went through my head, but we live and we learn.”  He wanted to say more, but revealed he signed an NDA – which always makes me suspicious.  He didn’t mind adding that he thought his hair never looked worse!

“With all due respect to pop culture, if love has found
their way into that relationship, God bless them both. 
Leave them the fuck alone and let them like each other
because both of them have had hardship and they’re
both beautiful human beings.”
– Jamie Lee Curtis tells Access Hollywood her thoughts on rumors that
Pamela Anderson and Liam Neeson are in an actual relationship.

Violence is never the answer.  I was reminded of that when a local hothead accosted me in the crowded parking lot of a popular Chinese restaurant.  While I did indeed tap his car door trying to get out of my own vehicle, I left no mark.  This did not stop him from attempting to initiate a physical altercation.  When he saw I was neither intimidated nor impressed, he not only caused physical damage to my car, he shoved me!  I calmly called the police, who I am told apprehended him after he fled the scene.  I’m told he has been charged with various criminal felonies.  And I enjoyed my dinner.

I don’t know Donald or Jacob Zieben-Hood.  My esteemed colleague Michael Musto posted the following on social media: “Don Hood is a fitness model slash promoter whom I know from the club scene.  He and his husband fought constantly, and Hood exacerbated things by repeatedly violating an order of protection.  Well, the husband died on Friday morning, covered in stab wounds, following yet another fight between the couple.  The husband, Jacob Zieben-Hood, had called his father earlier to say that Hood wouldn’t let him leave their apartment and was ‘coming after him’.  Hood is charged with violating an order of protection…and there’s also that burglary thing and oh yeah, carrying a weapon.  And I’m pretty certain he’ll also have ‘murderer’ on his resume soon enough.”

Then performer Mark MacKillop wrote: “There was this guy I used to want to date so bad.  We spent time together a few summers ago.  He was beautiful but cocky & it turned me off.  Story just dropped that he allegedly stabbed his boyfriend to death.  Dear Universe thank you for removing me from that situation.”   After that, a fan wrote me the following.  “I went out with Donald a few times.  He was an asshole and definitely had dangerous mood swings.  But he was so fuckin’ hot.  Now he’s killed his husband.  What’s wrong with him?”  The bigger question – what’s wrong with all of us?  It’s simple – we’re guys.  We respond to physical beauty.  How many gay men forgave Luigi Mangione or those poor misunderstood Menendez boys because they were hot?  If they were fat, missing an eye, and sporting a hump, nobody would be rushing to their defense.  OK, maybe some straight women would!  It’s not just gay men.  Straight men will stay with crazy women if they’re hot (well, hot to them).  That’s how we’re wired.

P.S. It’s true – this Donald guy IS hot.  Then again, so was his dead husband.

Meanwhile, a stage show about Mangione has been selling out performances in San Francisco.  Luigi: The Musical not only turns the spotlight on the alleged murderer, but also takes on Sean “Diddy” Combs and Sam Bankman-Fried (from the crypto con), who all happen to be luxuriating in the same prison.  Sure, the musical is selling out a 49-seat theatre and not Radio City Music Hall, but it shows our collective fascination with bad boys.

And Just Like That… – cancelled.  OK, the creatives claim they pulled the plug, but make no mistake – if it was a hit and HBO wanted more, there would be more.  Sarah Jessica spoke for herself and creator Michael Patrick King by saying, “MPK and I together recognized, as we have in the past, this chapter complete.”  So the big question – is Cattrall going to be in the finale?  My sources say no.  Kim posted “It’s the end of a very long week.”  Amen.

The long rumored-about reboot of Murder, She Wrote is moving forward.  As the latter-day Jessica Fletcher, Jamie Lee Curtis slips into Dame Angela Lansbury’s sensible shoes.  Whether it will be an effortless fit remains to be seen.  On the red carpet for Freakier Friday, she told Entertainment Tonight, “Oh, it’s happening…We’re a minute away, but yeah, I’m very excited.  Very excited.  But I’m tamping down my enthusiasm until we start shooting.  I have a couple of other things to hustle, but then I’ll get to enjoy that work.”  Well, if Kathy Bates can play Matlock and Latifah can (briefly) play The Equalizer…

Dermot Mulroney says that there is “talk of a sequel” to My Best Friend’s Wedding.  When asked to elaborate, he said, “I know nothing about it” – in his best John Banner impression (look it up, kids).  He added, “Last I heard, ‘lawyers were talking’.”   Julia Roberts was recently asked what would be the point of a sequel: “Because there’s so many people in it, and to see what they’re doing and how Kimmy and Michael’s marriage is going.”

When we’re bringing you two sets of tits for the price of one, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  It’s no exaggeration to say that Nicholas Alexander Chavez is more busty than his co-star.  You can see it/them for yourself on www.BillyMasters.com – the site where we say a little prayer for all the projects in development.  Before we wrap, we must bid adieu to another of our favorite buxom blondes, Loni Anderson.  She was a memorable guest in our first season of Billy Masters LIVE, which I’ll post on our website.  We didn’t have room for an Ask Billy question.  Rest assured I always respond to my readers.  Just drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Nicholas and Pamela reunite for Glass Menagerie – with Pamela as Amanda (or Laura).  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Hot on the heels of winning a Tony Award for Sunset Blvd, Nicole Scherzinger has announced a handful of concert dates.  There’s even talk of a Vegas residency.  But she may not be done playing Norma Desmond.  Rumor has it, she’s the latest frontrunner for a film version of the musical.  To clinch the deal, she’s in talks to bring the stage version to Hollywood’s Pantages Theatre or the Ahmanson.  Stay tuned…

Drama seems to follow some people.  Take Todrick Hall.  Everything is always a nightmare.  This is not meant to disparage his talent, which is abundant.  He’s currently in the live stage version of that Cher flick Burlesque.  Todrick was hired to play the role of Sean by writer and former hottie Steve Antin – who also asked for some songs and choreography.  Due to some skullduggery, Toddy ended up the de facto director.  He issued a long, rambling statement defending the barbs against him.  I don’t know the details, but when you say, “I have never engaged in anything with a minor,” you can bet your ass there’s a story.  One theatre insider quipped, “If ALL of your projects have drama, then YOU may be the problem!”  But Billy, I can hear you cry – what about the show?  Critics seem perplexed.  One reported the journey like this: “Now directed by its star Todrick Hall, the stage musical Burlesque comes to London in much the same way that my parents did some 60 years ago: poor and in need of work.”

Elsewhere in London, my pals the Lythgoes are working on a musical version of To Sir, With Love, which first got an invitation-only reading under the auspices of my beloved Ogunquit Playhouse.  I believe Wayne Brady played “Sir” on that occasion.  I’m told it went very well.  Now Kris Lythgoe tells me they’re trying it out in London’s West End.  The Gillian Lynne Theatre will host two staged readings on November 24^th – at 2:30PM and 7:45PM.  And the incomparable Lulu will be there to sing the song!  Get your tickets at LWTheatres.co.uk.

Just when you thought you’d heard the last of the Jussie Smollett “situation”, a new chapter is in the works.  A documentary is being readied for Netflix which will be called The Truth About Jussie Smollett?  The question mark is notable, particularly since Jussie has committed to giving them an interview and telling the truth – whatever he thinks that is.  “With first-hand interviews from those at the helm, including investigating police, lawyers, journalists and Jussie himself, this compelling documentary invites the audience to decide for themselves who is telling The Truth About Jussie Smollett?”  To coin a phrase, I’ll believe it when I see it.

Then there’s also a new documentary about Joan Rivers in the works.  While most would consider 2010’s Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work to be definitive, this new venture comes ten years after the legend’s death and includes many previously unseen video and audio recordings.

On the eve of publishing this column, I witnessed Pamela Anderson as Marguerite Gautier – otherwise known as Camille.  But she wasn’t in Camille – oh, that would be so pedestrian.  No, she was in Tennessee Williams’ Camino Real at the Williamstown Theatre Festival.  While the play is minor Williams, the role was once notably played by Jessica Tandy.  And I ask you, when else do you think you’re going to get to see Pamela Anderson play a role previously played by Jessica Tandy?  Sure, I long for her Streetcar (I mean…Ann-Margret), but it likely won’t happen.  I wouldn’t rule out Driving Miss Daisy – with George Wallace as Hoke!  “Miss Daisy – the tassel just fell off your right breast.  Please cover your areola, for pity’s sake!”  Oh, that Southern gentility.

Back to Camino Real.  I give Pamela enormous credit for the venture.  Yes, there is some prestige to this festival, but it’s off the beaten path, no big press, no big money.  But the chance to act in a Tennessee Williams play.  And act she does.  OK, in quiet, conversational scenes, she needs to work on projecting.  But her intentions are always clear and committed.  Physically she throws herself into the role fearlessly – the end of Act 1 is staggering and ferocious.  It’s a stylized, over-the-top approach that might make her a good fit for a project with Charles Busch (who himself made a fetching Camille).  Alongside Miss Anderson was Nicholas Alexander Chavez, who you may know from General Hospital, or from his pink Speedo as Lyle Menendez.  Here he plays Kilroy, a faded boxer who looks better in a wet T-shirt than his co-star!  Yes, he has the look and the attitude.  But it was his performance that astounded.  He’s the real deal.  Swagger and charisma alongside charm and sincerity.  There are comparisons to Brando and talk of him being a future Stanley.  But personally, I’d love to see him as Tom in Glass Menagerie.  Chavez and Anderson share a lovely scene near the end of Camino Real.  And the only place you can see it is on BillyMasters.com.

“I am not an incredibly prejudiced person but, when it
comes to heterosexual men, I don’t get them. 
They’re a bunch of assholes.  There are so few
heterosexual men that I know that I look up to.”
– Harvey Fierstein on the subject of straight men.  I guess it’s about
perspective.  I’ve not looked up to many, but I’ve certainly looked
down on a few – and I found them quite adept at the job at hand.

If there’s one thing I am loath to do, it’s promote someone else’s column.  But when the someone else is Dame Joan Collins – well, reason goes out the window.  She’s not the competition, she’s a legend.  Her column appears in The Spectator in London.  Here’s a sample of her scribbling: “Several news outlets are reporting the surge in the dangerous crossings of immigrants coming to our shores, and the cost of giving them succour.”  Let me pause here to try and eradicate the image of Collins giving succour to an eager line of anyone.  “But I’m seeing an invasion of a different sort – the proliferation of rental bikes and powered scooters that litter our pavements.  I’ve recently been almost run over twice by ‘Lime bikes’.  I’ve also tripped over a bunch of discarded cycles on the streets of Belgravia.”  For the love of God – keep the Lime bikes (and scooters) away from Dame Joan!  We can’t have her mowed down in her prime.  We’re thisclose away from her centennial, and I refuse to cancel those festivities due to a broken hip.  Admittedly, the three wigs she wears simultaneously should cushion the fall and avoid a concussion.  In fact, they could act as a helmet should she wish to ride one of the aforementioned scooters.  God save the Queen!

You may recall Mario Paglino and Gianni Grossi as Barbie doll designers who made some unofficial Madonna dolls that were presented to her on The Graham Norton Show (she was less than gracious).  Alas, the duo was killed in an auto accident in Italy – where car fatalities are an art form.  The incident took place between Piedmont and Lombardy, when someone driving the wrong way struck them head-on.  Mattel issued a statement mourning their loss (they operated under the name Magia2000) and put a spotlight on their artistry and philanthropy.  “Their generosity was boundless, creating countless dolls to be auctioned to benefit charities close to fellow collectors’ hearts.  Barbie is better because they loved the brand, and our beloved collector community is richer for having known them and shared in their passion.  Barbie honors their memory with deep gratitude”.

Last week, I received an interesting communiqué in the Billy Masters Mailbag.  It was a 33-page lawsuit filed by Donovan Michaels against his spouse, David Geffen.  The e-mail came from a publicist who did not reveal his client…but I’ve got my suspicions.  The suit makes for fascinating reading and many of the details are certain column-worthy.  Michaels is painted as “a vulnerable gay Black man orphaned at 18 months” and that Geffen “exploited his traumatic past of neglect, poverty, and foster care”.  Bullshit.  While some of the details are true, anyone able to negotiate $10K for a first “date” is not vulnerable – he’s savvy!  Donovan and Geffen first connected on SeekingArrangements.com, which I believe is also where Donald finds all his wives!  Donovan complains that their relationship was treated as a transaction.  I believe that’s the point of Seeking Arrangements.

He also alleges that Geffen expected perfection from him and paid for “painful laser and dental treatments”.  Bullshit again.  First off, if Donovan was that close to perfection, I can’t feel particularly sorry for him.  And, if you want to pay to fix my teeth (or anything else), who am I to say no.  Donovan claims that he was Geffen’s “confidant, travel companion, and property manager.”  I’ve got a guy who does those things from me in Fort Lauderdale, and I only pay him $100 a month!  He better not be reading this column.  Michaels also complains that Geffen supplied him with “cocaine, molly and cannabis”.  I believe the correct response is, “Thank you.”  Lastly, he says he gave up a lucrative modeling career (similar to Melanie’s, I’m sure) and claims Geffen promised to “share assets equally”.  Unless you’ve got that in writing, I’m again calling Bullshit.  To Geffen, I have two words – call me.

We had a curious question in our Ask Billy mailbag.  Tony in Detroit asked, “What do you know about Elon Musk’s daughter Vivian?  I heard she was transgender, but don’t know anything else about her.”

My fans teach me so much.  The only thing I knew about Vivian Jenna Wilson is that she’s estranged from her dad, Elon.  But didya know she was not only conceived via IVF, but her dad allegedly used sex-selective IVF to ensure he had a boy.  SURPRISE!!!  That boy was named Xavier Alexander Musk – at least he got a full name rather than just an X!  From all accounts, father and son had a contentious relationship.  Xavier came out as trans at the age of 16 in 2020, and Musk authorized trans-related medical treatment (Musk claims he was “tricked” into consenting).   Two years later, Vivian emerged.  But here’s something interesting – Vivian has also done drag under the name Vivllainous.  I’m not exactly sure how that works, but the alter ego appeared at a benefit to raise money and awareness against ICE.  So she’s OK in my book!  Check her out on BillyMasters.com.

When I’m questioning the gender of our Ask Billy questioner, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  You know, Tony could go either way.  We ran awfully long – a lot like Donovan Michaels, if his words are to be believed.  But you can get so much more at www.BillyMasters.com – the site where a photo is worth a thousand words.  If you need a bit more Billy, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before someone calls Bullshit on me!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

French President Emmanuel Macron and his wife, Brigitte, filed a defamation lawsuit against conservative podcaster Candace Owens.  Candy claimed that Mrs. Macron was born male in her series Becoming Brigitte – which I thought was about the former Mrs. Stallone!  The Macrons said in their lawsuit that Owens has waged a “campaign of global humiliation”.  I would believe that if I actually knew who Candace actually was.  Frankly, I couldn’t pick her out of a police lineup – but here’s to hoping.  I’m calling Owens’ allegations Bullshit.  I’m also calling the Macrons’ lawsuit Bullshit – only ‘cause I hate that they gave Owens any publicity.

Many people are pissed off at Rahm Emanuel.  In a recent interview, Megyn Kelly asked, “Can a man become a woman?”  Rahm thought for a second.  “Can a man become a woman?  Not…no.”  When Megyn said, “Thank you.  Why don’t more people in your party just say that?”  Rahm said, “Because we’re…I’m now going to go into the Witness Protection Program.”  I’m calling Bullshit on the question and the answer.  While I know it’s politically correct in our community to distill gender down to body parts, that’s just window dressing to me.  And I support that.  But no matter the procedure, the chromosomal coding of sex remains unchanged.  So, strictly speaking, one cannot totally change genders.  Both Rahm and Megyn know better, so shame on them.

I’m also calling Bullshit on all forms of AI.  Actually, I’m embarrassed for the people who blindly believe it.  I can’t tell you how many people have contacted me regarding bogus stories that were confirmed by various bots.  The most ridiculous was that Céline Dion and Josh Groban got up and did an impromptu performance at Connie Francis’ funeral.  There’s even a photo!  It’s a nice story, but Bullshit.

There’s absolutely no Bullshit in my friend Marga Gomez’s performance of The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe.  I’m told she’s superb – which comes as no surprise.  Gomez is one of the most talented performers I’ve ever met.  And a helluva dame.  So who else would San Francisco’s Aurora Theatre Company turn to when they needed someone to take on all the daunting characters Jane Wagner originally wrote for wife Lily Tomlin?  You won’t want to miss this show, which closes on August 10^th.  Get your tickets at AuroraTheatre.org.

Lily and Jane are two of the producers on the Chicago Shakespeare Theater’s world premiere production of Billie Jean – about Billie Jean King (not to be confused with the chick in that Michael Jackson song).  The company says that this new play by Lauren Gunderson is “the theatrical event of the summer”, and who am I to call that Bullshit?  It also closes on August 10^th, so you better grab your tickets quickly at ChicagoShakes.com.

There’s been a bit of hoopla about Darren Criss’ replacement in the Broadway musical Maybe Happy Ending.  The show takes place in Seoul, Korea, and the new guy, Andrew Barth Feldman, isn’t Korean.  I know what you’re thinking – neither is Criss.  True.  But his mother is Chinese, Filipino and Spanish, which I suppose makes him Asian-ish.  Still, I’d think we can agree that all Asians don’t look the same.  I’m calling Bullshit on this story for one big reason – the character in the show is a robot!  Would Koreans have Korean-looking robots?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  But if Criss could play it and he’s not Korean (or a robot), why can’t Feldman?  This got me thinking – Darren’s biggest success has been playing gay roles.  But I don’t believe he’s ever sucked a dick (although rumors abound).  Still, he’s convinced enough producers out there that he could – or at least looks like he could.

Let’s move onto Cabaret.  Billy Porter is going into the Broadway revival playing the Emcee, a role he has coveted for years.  He lobbied hard to play it in the 1998 revival.  He says he was denied the opportunity to even audition.  “I was told, ‘That’s not the story we’re telling.’  I found that odd, and I did some research, and I found a book called Destined to Witness: Growing Up Black in Nazi Germany.  I sent it to the entire creative team, signed, ‘We were there.  We were always there.’”  Needless to say, that didn’t get him an audition – ‘cause who wants some actor telling producers what to do.  Still, I’m going to say Bullshit because the people who played the Emcee in that production were Alan Cumming, Neil Patrick Harris, Jon Secada, John Stamos, Raúl Esparza, Michael C. Hall, Matt McGrath, and Adam Pascal.  You know what they had in common?  They were all more famous than Billy Porter – who was fifteen years away from winning a Tony for Kinky Boots!

“I’m not sure who you are, but you look like Jack Palance.”
– As Big Daddy Masters declines, he mistakes me for the famed actor. 
I do hope if I look like Jack Palance, it is pre-City Slickers!

This week, I’m calling “Bullshit” on a number of people and stories – like a slightly more feminine Natasha Lyonne.  We start with another of our favorite redheads, Kathy Griffin.  I know Kathy, I like Kathy, I’ve been to several of her houses.  But, as I learned with my beloved Joan Rivers, recounting of her history tends to change with the passage of time.  In Kathy’s case, she dropped a video a couple of months ago chastising Stephen Colbert about her sole appearance on his show on December 6, 2018.  She didn’t want to talk about the Trump photo (which was a year and a half earlier) and was there to promote an appearance at Carnegie Hall.  Bullshit.  She was there to announce that she’d bought back the rights to all of her specials and series, and they’d drop that night on iTunes.  Of course, there’s no way a political animal like Colbert wouldn’t want to talk about the big story – regardless of what promises Griffin got from a producer.  She also claims Colbert made her cry.  Bullshit again.  She may have welled up, but she held her own and actually retained control of the interview – albeit in a slightly manic way.  You can watch the actual footage along with her revisionist reflections on BillyMasters.com.

I must confess, I haven’t watched any of this season’s …And Just Like That.  I like to wait until the full season has aired – which, in this case, means I’ll have something to do mid-August.  Anyhoo, many of you have asked why I haven’t written about Mario Cantone and his Hot Fellas.  I can tell you that Mario and Sebastiano Pigazzi dropped in on the Hot Fellas pop-up at Librae Bakery in NYC.  Of course, the photos can be found on our website.

Hot out of our Ask Billy mailbag is a note from Karl in San Francisco: “What did I hear about Cameron Mathison doing a shirtless backflip?”

There’s one thing I know for sure – Cameron Mathison will bend over forwards and backwards for his fans.  The incident in question happened on a sand dune in Oregon.  But, to be totally honest, he wasn’t shirtless…at least not this time.  Since Cameron was posting his latest flip, he decided to take to Instagram and show he’s a giver (one of my two favorite kinds of flips).  He included some tumbles – many of them shirtless – from various locales around the globe, including Australia, Fiji, and Greece.  But, please, don’t try this at home…even if you are greased up.  For those of you less than technically adept, I link to all of this footage on BillyMasters.com.

When Cam is flipping for his fans, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  You’ll certainly flip when you check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that has no Chinese fingers in it (well, there was that one time in Detroit).  Unlike Mathison, I’m willing to flip for fans and foes alike.  Just send an explicit e-mail to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I do something bad to an eagerly receptive Chris Martin!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

At long last, Dolly Parton has unveiled her long-awaited musical biography.  Dolly: A True Original Musical had its world premiere at Nashville’s Fisher Center for the Performing Arts last week.  Similar to the Cher and Donna Summer musicals, this show features three actresses playing Dolly at various ages…and sizes.  The actresses on hand opening night were Katie Rose Clarke, Carrie St. Louis and Quinn Titcomb – and I couldn’t make that up if I tried!  The run has been extended two weeks and will now close on August 31^st.  After that…who knows.

Few things make me happier than a story about Marissa Jaret Winokur, the original star of Hairspray.  But what about a story about Winokur returning to Hairspray?  The talented Tony winner will be directing a production of the musical for 5-Star Theatricals at the Scherr Forum Theatre in Thousand Oaks.  Opening night is October 10^th.  More details can be found at 5StarTheatricals.com.

I’ve already told you about the Hollywood Bowl’s upcoming semi-staged production of Jesus Christ Superstar which runs Aug 1-3.  You already know that Cynthia Erivo will be playing Jesus, and Adam Lambert will play Judas.  We can now tell you that they will be joined by Josh Gad as Herod, Phillipa Soo as Mary Magdalene, and Raul Esparza as Pilate.  Frankly, I was really looking forward to Raul’s Magdalene.  Well, maybe next year.

Mattel has announced they are expanding the Barbie line.  We’ve already had Barbies of various sizes, colors and ethnicities.  We now have a Barbie with Type 1 diabetes!  She’ll even come equipped with her own glucose monitor!  I look forward to a more full-figured Barbie in a blue dress taking a little pill with a big story to tell!

Someone who has actually been a Barbie is Cher.  And, boy, did she knock ‘em dead last week in Rome.  She did a performance at Dolce & Gabbana’s Alta Moda show.  Easily looking two decades younger than her chronological age, she performed a number of ditties in a number of outfits while sporting a number of different hair styles and colors.  While I can’t say she actually “sang”, they did turn her microphone on for some mid-show patter, including an endless anecdote about filming Tea with Mussolini in Rome.  You can see the full show on BillyMasters.com.