At long last, Bobby Berk has revealed why he left Queer Eye.  According to the designer, the entire cast initially signed for seven seasons.  They did an eighth by shooting back-to-back seasons in New Orleans.  “We thought we were done.  Mentally and emotionally, I thought we all moved on.  I know I did, and I started planning other things,” he told Vanity Fair.  Then Netflix renewed the show and offered all five contracts for four more seasons.  Since Berk was sure the other guys weren’t gonna sign, he felt comfortable saying no.  “And with only one of us not coming back, Netflix felt they could recast one person.”  Let that be a lesson to all of you – communicate!

The opening quote for this week’s column could have been the following quip by composer Mary Rodgers, when discussing how to cast the lead in her musical Once Upon a Mattress:  “You need a real clown with a great voice, someone with a huge personality but immediately likeable, and there aren’t many performers like that…as we unfortunately found out in the 1996 revival, when Sarah Jessica Parker got one of those four things right.”  While you try to determine SJP’s sole attribute, let me tell you about Sutton Foster, who is leading Encore!’s production at New York’s City Center.  I’d say Sutton is a good solid 3.0 on the Mary Rodgers scale.  She has a great voice and is immensely likeable.  She’s not a natural clown or in possession of a huge personality – but she is game to do virtually anything, so I gave her half a point for each.  It’s a curious thing – while watching her terrific performance, I couldn’t help but think there is a role-tailor made for her talents – Annie Get Your Gun.  Someone get on that!

Back to Mattress – this is as good a cast and production as one will ever see (to say nothing of the luxury of hearing a full orchestra).  There is a bit of questionable direction which I found distracting.  When Carol Burnett belted out the word “Shy”, the onlookers leaned back and covered their ears at the force of sound.  Sutton is not a belter, and her “Shy” sounds no different than the rest of her impressive instrument.  So having the same response that Burnett got was not only lazy direction, but nonsensical.  That out of the way, the cast is superb from top to bottom.  Prince Dauntless was played by Broadway MVP, Michael Urie (whose costume, while fetching, was all but drab).  His mother, Queen Aggravain, is assumed by the divine Harriet Harris at her most imperious – she all but steals the show whenever she’s onstage.  The second couple, played by the dreamy Nikki Renée Daniels and a charismatic Cheyenne Jackson (wearing spurs), delivered everything one could want – gorgeous vocals, touching acting…and they ain’t bad to look at.  Let me make special note of the wigs for Urie and Jackson.  J. Jared Janas (who presumably designed them) should get the Nobel Prize.  The show runs through February 4^th.

I also saw the new musical Days of Wine and Roses by Adam Guettel (Mary Rodgers’ son) and Craig Lucas – the same team that brought us The Light in the Piazza.  Truth be told, I am not a fan of lengthy expositions.  I like just getting into the story.  However, a bit more exposition would have been nice in this case.  Within a few short minutes, a girl who didn’t particularly like her male coworker or alcohol, is convinced to go out with him and have a drink.  Shortly thereafter, they sample about a dozen different cocktails – including margaritas out of metal cups with way too much salt.  And then they’re married with a child.  That’s a whole lotta ground to cover in a short amount of time.  At that point, the show settles into a beautiful, if episodic, piece about these people’s descent into alcoholism.  I can’t blame the show for wanting us to get to the heart of the relationship between Bryan d’Arcy James and Kelli O’Hara – two of the most talented performers around.  What we find in this show is that they’re more than great singers – they’re fantastic actors.  While each has standout vocal moments, the score takes a backseat to the drama.  This is ultimately a play with music rather than an outright musical.  That isn’t a bad thing – it’s a heartbreaking play that is beautifully performed.  It’s at Studio 54 for a limited 16-week run.

Returning briefly to Sarah Jessica Parker, she made a stir last week during a performance of Neil Simon’s Plaza Suite – in which she appears alongside hubby Matthew Broderick in London’s West End.  Fans have not been able to control themselves from taking photos or videos.  In mid-sentence, SJP looked out at the audience, pointed at someone in the orchestra section, and said, “Please put your camera down.”  She then paused – surely for dramatic effect – and then continued what she was talking about.  At least she didn’t go all Patti LuPone on the person!

By the by, Sex and the City is headed to Netflix.  All six seasons are poised to land on the streamer starting in April.  I don’t believe this will affect their deal with E!, where we get heavily sanitized episodes regularly.

Our Ask Billy question asks for an update of a story.  Harry in Providence says, “I remember you saying Pauly Shore wanted to make a movie about Richard Simmons.  I just saw a trailer for it.  How did he get it done so fast?”

You actually didn’t see a trailer for “it”.  The sometime comedian allegedly had a deal with The Wolper Organization to do a feature-length biopic about the exercise guru.  Then things took a strange turn.  “We got another random email from this director named Jake Lewis who did the Robin Williams short and he said he wants to do a Richard Simmons short, not knowing that I had a deal with this production company already.”  Shore read the script and loved it.  A deal was made and it was shot quickly.  And then, a wrinkle – Simmons came out of seclusion to make a statement: “Hi Everybody!  You may have heard they may be doing a movie about me with Pauly Shore.  I have never given my permission for this movie.  So don’t believe everything you read.  I no longer have a manager, and I no longer have a publicist.  I just try to live a quiet life and be peaceful.  Thank you for all your love and support.”  Whatever you may think about Pauly’s acting ability, I think we can all agree on one thing – someone better get that awful wig back to whatever tour of Annie they stole it from!  The Court Jester premiered last week in Park City during the Sundance Film Festival and depicts Simmons’ 2004 appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show (and wait till you see their Ellen).  You can watch it on BillyMasters.com.

When there are battling Richard Simmons projects – both starring Pauly Shore – it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  As we went to press, we heard of the sudden passing of Olympic pole vaulter Shawn Barber.  The openly gay athlete was 29 and suffered what has been called “medical complications”.  There’s nothing particularly complicated about www.BillyMasters.com, the site that surely doesn’t need Richard Simmons’ permission (but we do know he’s a fan).  If you have a question, send it along to me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Dame Joan Collins is hired to revive those “Where’s the beef?” commercials for Wendy’s!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Joel Kim Booster was at the Emmys because Fire Island was up for two awards (Outstanding Television Movie and Outstanding Writing).  And he was able to share some news – his next film, Again Again Again, will be produced by Searchlight Pictures, the same people who backed Fire Island.  One person on the red carpet asked if there was anything “too rowdy or naughty to make it into the film”.  His answer surprised some people.  “Fans will be outraged to find out that sex scenes between myself and Zane Phillips had to be cut for time…and other reasons.  But, yeah, they missed a shot of my ass.  You know?  Justice for my ass.”

While we haven’t come across that Fire Island footage, we have seen Joel’s ass.  In his comedy special Psychosexual, Booster revealed that he had taken several nude shots which have found their way online.  “Obviously I was angry.  I felt violated.  But then I found out they were put on a website for male celebrity nudes.  And I was like, ‘They can stay.’”  And, obviously you can find them on BillyMasters.com.  You’re welcome, Joel!

Elsewhere on HBO…er, Max…we have some news about And Just Like That….  It’ll be a while till we see season three.  With Sarah Jessica Parker and hubby Matthew Broderick appearing in the West End production of Plaza Suite, she’s not available for winter filming.  Between her stage gig and the delay caused by two strikes, the network is saying we won’t get any new episodes until the 2024-25 season.  When the show returns, we won’t see a familiar face.  Although Che has been a main character since the series debuted, we hear they will not be back.  Sara Ramirez claims that this is due to being a vocal supporter of Palestine.  However, I have yet to run into a single person who has had a positive opinion about the character.  One industry insider said, “Sara needs to accept that this is not Grey’s Anatomy, and her character was not a pivotal part of the storyline.”  Someone else added, “Sara was fired because Che brought nothing to the show anymore.”  I take issue with the word “anymore”.

“And, listen, if a drag queen wants to read you a story at a library,
listen to her because knowledge is power. 
And if someone tries to restrict your access to power,
they are trying to scare you.  So listen to a drag queen!” 
– RuPaul’s acceptance speech for Outstanding Reality Competition Show for RuPaul’s Drag Race. 
This was the show’s fifth consecutive win in this category, and RuPaul has won
Outstanding Host for a Reality or Competition Program eight consecutive times.

The awards season got even more cluttered than usual with the 75^th Emmy Awards.  What a marvelous ceremony it was.  Admittedly, it would not take much to look good days after such a lackluster Golden Globes.  It’s a curious thing – when the show goes badly, everyone blames the host; when the show goes well, everyone gets credit except the host.  As far as I was concerned, Anthony Anderson kept things moving and stayed out of the way.  With the show all-but-stolen by his mother, someone should have thought about bringing out Anthony’s TV mama, Jenifer Lewis.  Still, I’m sorry I skipped going.  Alas, most people skipped tuning in altogether.  The 2022 Emmys had been the lowest-rated ceremony in history…until now.  This show was 27% below that.  Ouch!

The most pleasant surprise of the night was the appearance of Dame Joan Collins, who showed everyone how it’s done.  I must confess, I braced myself for a Gladiator moment.  But if this turns out to be the last major public appearance by the 90-year-old Collins, she went out on a grand scale.  She looked great and entered to a standing ovation.  But I’d bet dimes to donuts she has no idea what Beef is.  I’m just glad she didn’t exclaim La La Land!

Who decided David Furnish should be seated in the back of the auditorium?  Even I’ve had better seats at the Emmys!  Of course, he’s now sleeping with an EGOT.  We also learned that more people have apparently seen a ghost than know a transgender person.  But how many of them have seen a transgender ghost?

I really enjoyed the reunions, but got many e-mails from people wondering where the people missing from Cheers were.  I can tell you that Woody Harrelson is doing a play in London.  And I believe Shelley Long couldn’t find anyone to take her shift at Target!  But, fear not – Long could have an acting gig on the horizon.  On the red carpet, Kelsey Grammer said that he could see Shelley guest starring on an episode of the Frasier reboot.

Once again, the speech of the night came courtesy of Jennifer Coolidge, who went out of her way to thank “all the evil gays”.  On behalf of my people – you’re welcome!  I dunno what’s more tragic – that Tanya met her demise on The White Lotus, or that we’ll be without Coolidge in future awards seasons.  Someone better write her a juicy role – stat!  At least she has a film to look forward to.  It was just announced that Jennifer will join Jason Momoa in Minecraft…presumably as his love interest.

I am currently down at the sumptuous Filth2Go Beach House in Fort Lauderdale.  In addition to frolicking in sand and sun, I’m also spending some time with friends.  Maybe a better term would be peers.  Except Joe Posa’s impersonation of Joan Rivers is peerless.  His Tributes show played the Sunshine Cathedral in Fort Lauderdale, and he was more than ably assisted by the song stylings of Seth Sikes.  The show is anchored by Posa’s loving portrayal of Rivers, which features some of Auntie Joan’s tried and true material alongside Joe’s original jokes – many of which were up to the legend’s exacting standards.  Sikes, a devotee of legendary ladies, sweetly sings some solos, and then is joined for duets by Posa as Barbra and Liza, in a masterful bit of audio wizardry.  I’m a harsh critic, so it is no petty praise for me to say I enjoyed myself.  Posa has constructed a show that is as fantastic as his famous females, and kept the audience thoroughly entertained.  Brava.

Scott Thompson, who many of you will remember from Kids in the Hall, has embarked on a new tour, courtesy of the City Winery venues.  This show, King, focuses on one character – gay lounge lizard, Buddy Cole.  The evening promises to include “hilarious and sometimes incendiary monologues never before seen on television and a series of brand new monologues written for the recent revival that were deemed too hot for Amazon.”  Well, that’s what the press release says.

The West End recently hosted a revival of Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Sunset Boulevard.  This stripped-down production starred the much-lauded Norma Desmond of Nicole Scherzinger.  Everything about this show – from the production to the casting – seems odd to me.  And yet, everyone says it’s brilliant.  I’ll be able to find out for myself since Scherzy will be making her Broadway debut when the show transfers to New York.  Details to follow.

By the by, the lovely Jonathan Bennett is poised to make his Broadway debut on January 23^rd when he replaces Michael Urie in Spamalot.  Urie is leaving to do a brief run of Once Upon a Mattress with Sutton Foster and will then begin filming a television project.  Bennett is committed to staying with the production until April 23^rd.

A film version of the musical Mean Girls just hit cinemas.  That film is based on the 2017 stage musical, which was obviously based on the original 2004 film – both of which were penned by Tina Fey, who starred in both.  I only mention this because that’s where we first saw Jonathan Bennett – in the original film, not the musical (on stage or on film).

And this leads beautifully into our Ask Billy question.  Roger in Santa Barbara writes, “How is Liza Minnelli really doing?  Because I keep seeing these troublesome videos and it looks like various gay guys are dragging her around.”

“She has lots of gay friends”.  Didn’t we just say that about Bure?  Well, who has more gay friends than Liza Minnelli?  For Christ’s sake, husbands alone!  From what I understand, Liza spends most of her time with Michael Feinstein and his husband Terrence Flannery, who is on the payroll as Liza’s assistant.  The third person in their little cabal is Dr. Lawrence Piro – who recently popped up on Shannen Doherty’s fantastic podcast, Let’s Be Clear.  Piro is an oncologist who tended to Farrah Fawcett during her final years.  Odd, n’est çe pas?  He seems to be with Liza quite a bit – whether that is in a professional or personal capacity is unclear.  But many of Liza’s former inner-circle gays tell me that they have basically been cut out of the loop and that Minnelli is somewhat isolated from her friends.  Which brings up my question – where is Lorna?  Where is Joey?  They are certainly not in any of the recent videos you can see on BillyMasters.com.

When we’re running videos of the real and fake Liza, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Frankly, I think Joe Posa looks so much like Minnelli, Feinstein and Flannery might start sniffing around him!  Thank God for www.BillyMasters.com, the site that passes the sniff test (you’ll have to take my word on that).  If you have a question or concern, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Luke Macfarlane co-stars in a romcom with Kirk Cameron!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

We’ve previously reported that Cher was attempting to gain conservatorship over her son Elijah Blue Allman’s money.  This begs the question, “What money?”  Turns out, Elijah Blue has a trust which was left to him from his late father, Gregg Allman, who was briefly a Mr. Cher.  Elijah is struggling with addiction, and the struggle is real enough for Cher to have allegedly had Elijah abducted and placed in a facility.  She feels that this conservatorship is a “life-and-death proposition”.  Judge Jessica Uzcategui said, “I am not persuaded” – even in light of some confidential documents Cher’s lawyers presented to support the motion.  It probably didn’t help that Elijah made the following statement: “While I understand that my mother, the proposed conservator, believes she is looking out for my best interests and I appreciate her love and support, I do not need her unsolicited help or support at this time.”  I believe similar statements have been made by every single addict.

“As you all know, Mel is a famous EGOT. 
And, after tonight, he’ll be the even rarer EGOOT!” 
– Nathan Lane presents Mel Brooks with an Honorary Oscar at the 14^th Governors Awards.

I can’t say it enough times – truth is stranger than fiction.  Every once in a while, a headline catches my eye: “Mexican Teen Carries Decapitated Sister’s Head Down the Street”.  This took place in Quiroga, which, admittedly, is not one of Mexico’s more popular destinations.  Still, I was sure this was a made-up story – like half the cases on Caso Cerrado.  But I did my due diligence and was shocked to discover that it did, in fact, happen.  19-year-old Sebastián was arrested when witnesses saw him carrying his sister Julieta’s decapitated head “in broad daylight” – as if moonlight would have made it all better!  Obviously he was arrested, and the police stated he appeared to be intoxicated.  I have so many questions, including why he was carrying a rifle.  A machete, yes.  But a rifle?  On the other hand, nobody has said anything about his sister’s torso.

Many people complained to me about the Golden Globes.  They didn’t have an issue with Jo Koy or the ceremony itself.  They just cannot comprehend why network shows no longer get nominated.  Not only did many people never hear of the shows, they hadn’t heard of most of the networks.  I have news for them – it’s only going to get worse.  This week, Don Lemon announced his return to the “airwaves”…and I use that term loosely.  The Don Lemon Show will appear on X, formerly known as Twitter.  I remember scoffing when people were doing shows on Amazon.  At this rate, people will be nominated for shows that can only be seen in cabs (and don’t ask, “What’s a cab?”).

Someone who used to have a show – and perhaps still does, but nobody knows where you can see it – is Judge Judy.  Judith Sheindlin has used her somewhat diminished platform to endorse Nikki Haley.  “I’m proud to endorse Nikki Haley because she is whip smart, has executive credentials and was a superb governor.  I truly think she can restore America and believe she is the future of this great nation.”

A curious opinion piece appeared in The New York Times last week, querying whether Taylor Swift is in fact a lesbian.  I cannot think of a bigger waste of my time than pondering this idea – although telling you about it seems totally fine.  Since the straight men Swift has slept with haven’t gotten off so easily, I can’t imagine lesbians want anything to do with her.  The point of the piece is that because Swift is so saintly and omnipresent, she’s fair game.  Someone in her camp took exception to this, and said (anonymously, naturally), “This article wouldn’t have been allowed to be written about Shawn Mendes or any male artist whose sexuality has been questioned by fans.”  Well, isn’t that nice.  In protesting Swift’s right to privacy, someone dragged in poor Shawn Mendes – who is hanging on by a thread.  This broken shell of a 25-year-old boy spends his day depressed, listless, doing crunches, and suddenly he reads this.  Hasn’t he suffered enough?  As for Taylor, she once said this about the LGBT-whatever community: “I didn’t realize until recently that I could advocate for a community that I’m not a part of.”  Really?  I’m not a straight white male, but I have no problem saying, “Leave Shawn alone.”  Then again, I’m no Taylor Swift.

A friend of mine tells a story about a dinner theatre in Fresno where they had a production of Evita – presumably with dinner.  There was a rotating cast, and one person stood out.  Eventually people would buy tickets to see the “Black Evita” – who happened to be a 16-year-old Audra McDonald.  It was somewhat unusual to have an Evita of Color in the mid-‘80s.  But Broadway may get to see Audra break another color barrier.  Rumors are flying about that McDonald will turn up in a revival of Gypsy next season (it should be noted that Audra reportedly played a minor role in Gypsy as a kid – also in Fresno).  While everyone always talks about how often Gypsy is revived, it should be noted that the last Broadway production took place in 2008 – helmed by Patti LuPone.  That said, I saw another revival slightly more recently – and starring a Mama Rose of Color.  Leslie Uggams led Gypsy at the Connecticut Repertory Theatre in Hartford back in 2014.  What I found more jarring was that Uggams was 71 years old at the time.

Legal problems aren’t restricted to famous folk.  Remember Kim Davis?  She gained infamy as the county clerk who refused to issue same-sex marriage licenses to couples in Kentucky way back in 2015.  Obviously, same-sex marriage has continued since then.  So has the legal case of the couple Davis refused, who sued for discrimination.  The case wound its way through the various courts and, of course, the couple won $100K in damages.  But due to the length of this trial, the associated fees have been what one might call excessive – and the “one” would be lawyers for Miss Davis.  However, the judge disagreed and ruled that Davis must pay an additional $260,104 in legal fees!  Incredibly, Davis is appealing the decision.  Put it on her tab.

Then there’s the case of Vanessa Joy, who is running for a seat in the Ohio House (presumably of Representatives).  Joy, who is a transgender Democrat, was removed from the ballot because she did not include her previous name.  According to Ohio law, any candidate running for office has to include any name changes in the last 5 years – and this includes her so-called “deadname”.  While many people are claiming this is a seldom-invoked law, it is nonetheless a law which has been on the books since 1995.  It should also be noted that Michigan has a similar law.

Then there’s Kimberly Dragoo, who is running for the School Board in Saint Joseph, Missouri.  You may know her as one of the January 6^th insurrectionists.  And not just any insurrectionist.  Her husband (also an insurrectionist) took a photo of Kimberly entering the U.S. Capitol building through a broken window.  And let me stop here to say I have begrudging admiration for anyone who has the balls to not only do something illegal, but post a selfie doing the act.  I’m not sure if it’s hubris or stupidity – it’s a fine line.  Kimberly plead guilty to the crime and is awaiting sentencing.  In the meantime, she’s running to be on the School Board!  Apparently in Missouri, one is allowed to run for office if found guilty of a misdemeanor – just not a felony.  And thank God she didn’t change her name.

“Call me anytime.” 
– Chris Christie, when he gave Joy Behar his phone number backstage at The View. 
I know politics makes strange bedfellows, but this is ridiculous.

We’re a week into the New Year and many of you have asked if I have any resolutions.  Longtime readers know I’m not really into resolutions.  I resolve every day to live my life to the fullest.  However, maybe my life has been a bit too full.  Yes, I’m thinking my resolution should be to have less sex.  Much less sex.  Nothing against sex, which I enjoy…and am very good at.  But sometimes you do it because.  Like, I don’t think Venus and Serena play tennis with just anyone holding their racket…so to speak.  Perhaps moving forward, I’ll be a bit more selective.

As 2023 drew to a close, I found myself in a courtroom.  Yes, I got jury duty.  I know this will sound amazing, but the entire experience was quite positive.  It might have been the lack of traffic during my seven-minute drive to the courthouse.  It might have been because the court provided free parking.  Or it might have been that I picked up two Bacon Maple Chicken Sandwiches at Wendy’s on the way!  When I arrived, I found out I was the fifteen-hundredth person seen as a potential juror for a high-profile case!  As the judge laid out the details, I found myself glancing past the five-person dream team at the defense table and making eye contact with the accused.  Neither of us broke our gaze.  At first I mused if defendants get conjugal visits with jurors (this was before my resolution, obviously).  As it turned out, I didn’t get on this jury.  But I was willing to do public service!

Didya know Tiffany Haddish was arrested by the BHPD over the holidays?  The day after Thanksgiving, officers found her sleeping in her car with the engine running.  She first commented on the DUI at the Los Angeles Laugh Factory during a stand-up benefit for people in need.  “You ain’t lived till you got arrested in Beverly Hills, OK?  It’s beautiful over there.  I’ve been in quite a few jails – just like the rest of y’all – I can tell some of y’all have been to jail.  I still smell jail.  If you’re gonna do something, I say get arrested over there ‘cause that jail is nice.  That jail was nice – it’s so clean!”  She even joked that she got her period in the slammer.  “I’m bleeding in the jail.  OK, cool, but they had the best maxi pads.  I’ve never seen pads so big.”  She said it was so big, she used it as a pillow.

Our first Ask Billy question of the year comes from Randy in San Francisco: “I just saw May December.  Tell me that’s really all Charles Melton?  I’ve read conflicting reports online, but it sure looked real.”

I hate to be the bearer of bad news – especially so early in the New Year – but you’ve been hoodwinked.  If it’s any consolation, Charles is not trying to pull a fast one on anyone.  In fact, he’s rather forthcoming in admitting it wasn’t him.  “I had to wear that prosthetic for nine hours that day.  I didn’t have anything to drink that morning or the night before.  That was an annoying process but still very respectful.”  It’s amazing that brief scene required nine hours of shooting!  In the interest of being thorough, I will post the scene in question on BillyMasters.com.  

When we’re ringing in the New Year with a fake phallus, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  The good thing about starting with something so anticlimactic is that things can only get better.  If you’re looking for the real thing, simply check out www.BillyMasters.com, the site that’ll never steer you wrong.  And if you’re looking for the truth, send your questions to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before we celebrate our silver anniversary.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

I’m often fascinated by people who say or do really ridiculous things…and then deny it.  That brings us to John Schneider – who, admittedly, looks good for someone decades past his prime.  That the Dukes of Hazzard star is a Trumpster didn’t surprise me – although I thought the Confederate flag on the General Lee was simply a prop.  He first emerged in the recent zeitgeist after losing The Masked Singer while dressed as a donut.  Again, a gig’s a gig.  He then allegedly responded to a Tweet from Joe Biden: “Mr. President, I believe you are guilty of treason and should be publicly hung.  Your son, too.  Your response is…?  Sincerely John Schneider”.  This Tweet has since been deleted – which means either Schneider is the target of a plot, or he’s a pussy.  I don’t see any other options.

The Secret Service opened a probe, saying “We look at all threats against our protectees and, due to intent, this falls under the definition of a threat.”  No surprise – ask Kathy Griffin, who, too, waded into these waters.  The difference is she also stood by her actions (she also just filed for divorce on the eve of her fourth wedding anniversary).  Not only has Schneider’s post been deleted, he’s denying it even existed.  “Despite headlines claiming otherwise, in my post, I absolutely did not call for an act of violence or threaten a U.S. president as many other celebrities have done in the past.  I suggest you re-read my actual post and pay attention to the words before believing this nonsense.”  Of course, it’s hard to re-read something that’s been deleted.  True, the phrase “publicly hung” is open to numerous interpretations.  Personally, I’m all for it – but I’m hardly a bastion of good taste.

Another reunion took place as 2023 drew to a close.  Shannen Doherty started her podcast, Let’s Be Clear, and spent two hours talking to Holly Marie Combs about everything that went on with Charmed – and I mean EVERYTHING.  We’d all heard rumors that Alyssa Milano pushed Doherty out.  But when Holly threatened to walk with her, the producers said they would garnish her wages forever – even if she were bagging groceries in Arizona!  Shannen now regrets going along with the narrative that she left of her own accord (i.e. The View), and feels that she should have spoken up.  After all, she had a “pay-or-play” contract.  So since they pushed her to leave, they should have paid her.  She also regrets that she did not come back for the finale (they did ask).  When Shannen asked if there were any way to have an actual Charmed reunion or reboot, Holly said, “Yeah, I would do it, I would just hope that people would come to it with an understanding that some things are bigger than you, and some things are more important than personal feelings.  And that being said, there’s also split screen and green screen, and people don’t have to work with each other if they don’t want to – we can just make it look like you do!”

Welcome to 2024.  It doesn’t often happen that this column drops on the actual first day of the year.  Since this is the 24^th year of our wildly popular weekly column, I am feeling like we’re closing in on a landmark.  But that’s business of another day.  The topic at hand is ringing in the New Year.  Since I’m a traditionalist (unlike a Constitutionalist – which is a whole other thing), I spend the evening with some dear friends watching Lindsay Wagner movies.  A highlight was seeing Lindsay, in the course of a half hour, play six very different roles – one of whom was a stripper.  Talk about range!  Hey, a gig’s a gig, and a tradition’s a tradition.  Happy New Year!

One of the most beloved holiday traditions of days gone by returned this year.  Way back in 1986, Darlene Love sang “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” on David Letterman’s show (starting on NBC’s Late Night with David Letterman).  For many, it wasn’t Christmas until Darlene appeared, and Letterman had her on for 28 consecutive years.  In 2015, he retired.  What would Darlene do?  One of Letterman’s producers (Brian Teta) took over the reigns of The View, and brought Darlene with him.  And that was all well and good, but it really wasn’t the same.  Another Letterman producer, Barbara Gaines, reunited Letterman and his sidekick, Paul Shaffer for an Internet episode last week, and the guest was Darlene.  After some chit-chat, Paul sidled on over to a piano (which had clearly seen better days), and Love launched into her biggest hit – joined by backup singers Milton Vann, Diamond White and Keesha Gumbs.  Sometimes you can go home again.  You can see this special on our website.

It should be noted that this was not Darlene’s first reunion with Paul Shaffer.  On April 7, 2020, Love was a guest on Billy Masters LIVE!, where we surprised her with Paul Shaffer and the great Marc Shaiman.  On that show, Shaffer surprised me with quite a compliment.  “Billy, you are a new find of mine.  I’m now your biggest fan!”

Prior to 2023, nobody knew Lukas Gage’s name.  All we knew was that he was a cute guy whose apartment was trashed by a director during a Zoom casting session.  Looking back, I wouldn’t be surprised if Lukas leaked that footage himself, and used the sympathy as a launching pad.  We next saw him bent over a desk getting rimmed – not that there’s anything wrong with that.  Then he was all over social media cavorting with hairdresser to the stars Chris Appleton (another name I’d never heard before).  Within days, they were dating and expressing their love for each other on television.  In the blink of an eye, they got married in a ceremony presided over by Kim Kardashian.  That it lasted a few months was the most shocking part of the story to moi.  Somehow in the midst of it, Gage got to make a movie that received a teensy bit of attention.  What will happen to him?  It depends on who he meets next.

Let’s congratulate a few couples who found each other.  Comedian Matteo Lane tied the knot with his short-term beau, Rodrigo Aburto.  I hate to point out they knew each other for less time than Lukas and Chris, but at least they’re still together…for now.  Then there’s singer Ty Herndon, who also tied the knot.  “Never in a million years would I have imagined meeting someone who would bring so much love and light into my heart.”  This inevitably leads to talk about breakups.  Ricky Martin and Jwan Yosef divorced after six years.  So did Billy Porter and his hubby Adam Smith.  Straights have the seven-year itch; we have six.  I guess we gays just figure things out quicker!  On the other hand, Antoni Porowski didn’t even make it to the altar with Kevin Harrington.

Florida governor Ron DeSantis launched his “War on Drag” by enforcing a law from 1947 – which stated that men impersonating women is too indecent for children.  So he ruled that drag queens fell under “adult entertainment”, and if a minor were there, you could be fined…or worse.  People claim this started as a way to stop drag queens from reading stories to kids in libraries – and let that sink in.  It had unintended consequences.  Stage musicals like Hairspray, La Cage, and most of Shakespeare’s plays feature men dressed as women – and they could be shut down.  Drag queens in gay pride parades in public could be arrested.  Then the Orlando franchise of Hamburger Mary’s restaurant filed a suit against the governor and the State of Florida for infringing on their First Amendment rights.  And they WON!  U.S. District Judge Gregory Presnell ruled, “This statute is specifically designed to suppress the speech of drag queen performers.”  It doesn’t overturn the law, but it does make it unenforceable.

Around the same time, the phenomenal Jinkx Monsoon made Broadway history by playing Mama Morton in Chicago.  Jinkx was sure to let people know she didn’t do it alone.  “I’m following in the footsteps of my sister Peppermint, who broke ground as the first Ru girl, drag queen, trans woman to perform on Broadway in Head Over Heels.  And now I get to take the torch and do my own thing with it.”  Speaking of torches, flaming George Santos made history by being elected to the House of Representatives and being thrown out within the same calendar year.  Perhaps he’ll go back to doing drag…anywhere other than Florida, naturally.

Was anything sweeter this year than Kim Cattrall’s triumphant return to the Sex and the City family?  After everything that went down, nobody expected a rapprochement.  And just like that, there she was.  The fact that the head of HBO called her directly and brokered the deal – without any input from the creatives or cast from AJLT – speaks volumes of Cattrall’s cache.  She got to call the shots on every aspect of her appearance – except for the spin the show put on it.  Still, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

Alas, we can’t look back on 2023 and not mention the J-word.  Yes, Jada.  Bottom line – I don’t believe a word anyone in the Pinkett-Smith family says.  I think there are major psychological problems afoot – but I’m no psychiatrist (or podiatrist, for that matter).  In the past, one would call Will “cuckolded”.  Then we heard a fascinating tale from Will’s former assistant and former best friend, Brother Bilal.  He went on a podcast and claimed that he walked in on Will being…how shall we say it…“sodomized” by Duane Martin.  How does he explain Jada’s role in all this?  “I am saying to you if a woman is used to something the size of a baby leg and you come in with a pinkie toe, there’s nothing you’re gonna do to please her…If she’s itching for that baby leg, she want that baby leg!”  I dunno about you, but I suddenly feel dirty.  And slightly aroused.  And a little bit hungry.

“No offense, but you look like Billy Masters.” 
– l don’t know which part of this quip from a stranger insulted me more – that he didn’t realize I am Billy Masters,
or he thought someone would take offense to being told they look like Billy Masters.

This was a strange year for someone who writes about the entertainment industry.  After all, most of it was shut down due to those pesky strikes.  And yet, we rallied on.  One of the sticking points in negotiations was the threat that AI would eliminate people’s jobs.  So we put it to the test.  I asked ChatGPT to generate the opening of a Billy Masters column.  This is what I got: “Ladies, gentlemen, and those of you who are still deciding what fabulous category you fall into.  I’m Billy Masters, and I’ve got a mouthful of sass and heart full of glitter.”  The fact that highly advanced computers took almost three decades of weekly columns (that’s over a thousand columns) and came up with such drivel proves that my position as the most beloved of gay columnist is as secure as ever.

Sitting here aloft my perch, I surveyed many stories.  But I don’t think anything grabbed my interest more than the battle between Billie Lourd and her entire family.  For those of you who don’t know (and, frankly, why should you), Billie is the only child of Carrie Fisher and Bryan Lourd – who is gay, but that’s another story.  Carrie’s brother, Todd Fisher, had applied for Carrie to get a long-overdue star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and was told there’s a three-year waiting period for a posthumous star.  Years go by, and one day Todd gets a call from a friend saying, “I’ll see you at Carrie’s ceremony on May the 4^th” (as in “May the force be with you”).  This was news to Todd, so he called the people at the Walk of Fame.  They say the guest list is being handled by Disney.  He calls Disney and they tell him he’s not on the family’s guest list – run by Billie.  Turns out Carrie’s half-sisters Joely and Tricia Leigh Fisher were also not invited – which begs the question, is Billie talking to any members of her family?  She didn’t respond to any of their calls, so Todd went public with his frustration.  Then Billie issued a statement: “The truth is I did not invite them to this ceremony.  They know why.”  Billie is upset that Todd wrote a book about his sister and mother (Debbie Reynolds), and she’s upset that Joely talked about them in her memoir.  Todd considered just showing up at the ceremony, but was told that Billie would not come out if any of the Fishers were there.  As a writer, I love this story.  As someone who knew Carrie and Debbie, I think Billie needs to grow the fuck up.

Our Ask Billy question came in just under the wire.  Aaron in Texas writes, “Did you hear about that twink who filmed himself getting fucked in the Senate Chamber?  What’s the story with that?”

This story is ripped from the headlines, and I hope I can squeeze it in (that’s what he said).  The incident took place in Hart Senate Office Building Room 216, also known as the Senate Judiciary Hearing Room.  It shows a lad wearing only a black jockstrap bent over a desk and being penetrated from behind.  It was clearly shot by the top.  While the public video has been edited to protect the participants’ identities, we’ve been sent the unedited version.  The twink in question is allegedly Aidan Maese-Czeropski, a legislative aide to Maryland Senator Ben Cardin.  It’s said that he posted a private Instagram story, saying he got some “thick German sausage” in the same room where “Sonia Sotomayor had her confirmation hearing”.  And they say kids don’t care about history!  While Aidan hasn’t confirmed this publicly, Senator Cardin’s office released a brief statement: “Aidan Maese-Czeropski is no longer employed by the U.S. Senate.”  Capitol Police is “aware and looking into this”.  As to the top in question, it is rumored to be Georg Gauger, a German who is studying International Affairs – I bet he is!  If you’re interested in checking out the video, as well as some of Aidan’s other adult material, go to BillyMasters.com.  

When we’re slipping you the ol’ bratwurst, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  I smell an OnlyFans page in the making!  As if it weren’t bad enough that Aidan worked for a Democratic Senator, he also appeared in a TV ad for Joe Biden.  Well, anything to tie up the youth vote – and I suspect Aidan wouldn’t be opposed to that!  For more scintillating political coverage, check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that never holds back.  If you have a question, write to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Barry Manilow looks at another Playboy.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

I must be in a crabby mood, because I’m gonna complain about another beautiful moment.  Kylie Minogue recently did a television special in London called An Audience with Kylie.  Many performers do these shows – the star comes out, sings some songs, answers some audience questions, and shares some fun stories.  During the telecast, a guy got up to ask Kylie a question.  Except he wasn’t alone.  Standing next to him were two young children and another guy.  So we all know it’s a gay family.  Fine.  After all, it is a Kylie Minogue show.  “This question isn’t for you.  It’s to your superfan, Martin.”  The guy turned to his partner and said, “Martin, will you marry me?”  Martin asks Kylie what she would say – ‘cause that’s obviously what really matters.  Kylie approves, and Martin says yes.  Minogue puts on her most “What a shocker” face and squeals, “Has that just actually happened?”  She asks the couple where they met, and they say, “At your concert.”  Of course they did.

I was in NYC to see Charles Busch and his troupe perform their annual Times Square Angel.  And, like all good theatre, it only started 6 minutes late.  For the past 24 years, this semi-staged epic has brought out faithful fans of Busch and his motley crew.  The play is kinda like a cross between It’s a Wonderful Life and I Want To Live and is based on an idea by Busch and Andy Halliday.  That the talented Halliday flew in from his new home in Palm Springs shows the devotion of the cast and the audience – many of whom come back year after year.  This one-night-only event sells out in a matter of minutes, and I made it my mission to finally attend.  I’m so glad I did.

While I was in the Big Apple, I checked out the Broadway musical Harmony.  The story of six talented men singing their way through Weimar Germany is ripe for theatricality.  It’s also a story that has universality.  The Comedian Harmonists were basically a boy band.  The sextet was put together by someone who took out an ad in the paper looking for hot young men who could sing – and you thought Lou Pearlman came up with that on his own (that Backstreet Boys first hit in Germany is no coincidence).  Kudos to the outstanding cast…to single out any of them would be ungallant.  Alas, the culprit of the night was not the Nazis; it was Bruce Sussman, who wrote the book.  This story is clumsily told through a hodgepodge of badly conceived scenes that only hint at what is probably a fascinating story.  Musically, it’s impossible to judge Barry Manilow’s score, which is presented in truly awful orchestrations.  I know it takes place in Germany, but less timpani and tuba, please.  Amidst the cacophony, there are striking harmonies and some lovely moments.  Young Rabbi has a song that would make a terrific 11 o’clock number.  Alas, it happens 20 minutes in.  Instead, the show culminates with poor Chip Zien’s overwrought mad scene, which drew more titters than tears.  However, I was intrigued enough to look up the group’s history, so there’s a silver lining.  And, as I always say, it’s hard to dislike any show where someone is wearing a monocle!

Manilow gets a second mention in this column due to a revelation he made to Kelly Clarkson.  Back in his early days, Playboy played a pivotal part in his career.  “I was a desperate young guy.  I didn’t know what to do with my musical life.  So I saw this thing in Playboy magazine.  My stepfather used to buy it, I think.  So I wrote to them saying, ‘I have an offer to go on the road with a girl singer.  In order to do that, I needed to leave my job at CBS as the mailboy.  Which one should I do?’  And they wrote back and they printed it.  They said take the job outside and follow your musical notes.  And I did it.  I left CBS.”

It was just announced that Barbra Streisand will be given the SAG Life Achievement Award at the 2024 Screen Actors Guild Awards.  And certainly she deserves it.  But, you know, it’s not exactly the same as winning an award in competition.  This is something being “bestowed” onto her.  To the best of my knowledge, Streisand has never actually won a SAG Award, and this honorary stuff doesn’t really fly with me.  Like that Tony Award for “Star of the Millennium” or whatever they called it.  It’s not a real Tony.  It’s a “Let’s give Streisand a reason to show up on our telecast” award.  You know what an EGOT is without a Tony?  It’s just EGO.

“I wouldn’t be in it now if they gave me a million dollars. 
I’m never going to change my mind. 
They can just go you-know-what themselves.” 
– Cher tells Kelly Clarkson her thoughts on being snubbed by the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame –
especially in light of having #1 hits in seven decades.  She pointed out that only The Rolling Stones
can also boast that achievement.  “It took four of them to be one of me!”

There’s nothing like being in New York City for the holidays.  Everyone’s filled with good cheer…unless they’re in Brooklyn to see Madonna.  Then they had to be filled with a whole lotta patience.  The sold-out show was scheduled to start at 8PM.  Since it’s Madonna, you know you’re gonna wait.  Maybe till 9PM, or even 9:30PM.  By 10:30PM, there was still no sign of Madonna – and no announcement of alleged technical difficulties.  So large segments of the audience began leaving and booing.  Here’s my question – why didn’t everyone just band together and demand a refund?  This show needed someone like Sally Field holding up a sign!  For Christ’s sake, it was a weeknight.  People have to work in the morning to pay for the thousand-dollar tickets.  And Madge wants to play games?  It’s just so disrespectful.

By the way, this is not an attack solely on Madonna.  This is an attack on rudeness and bad behavior.  A few months ago, Lauryn Hill got bad press with her perpetually late appearances.  Her response?  “Yo, y‘all lucky I make it on this blood rase stage every night.”  No, Lauryn, YOU’RE lucky people are paying to see your tardy ass!

Our Ask Billy question is about some other ladies.  Harry in Seattle writes, “Because of you, I watched Ladies of the ‘80s: A Divas Christmas.  I’m curious about the guys.  Who is that British guy who played Alex?  WOOF!  And the opening credits listed Scott Evans, but I never saw him.  Did he get left on the cutting room floor?”

Lifetime’s attempt at a holiday flick starring five nighttime soap divas had its moments.  But it is definitely not the film they intended to make.  Pretty much nothing about the ages or relationships or story makes much sense.  Nicollette Sheridan’s character talks about going to Limelight in NYC with her “bestie” Donna Mills back in the day.  However, Mills is 22 years older than Nic – so it’s unlikely that a 21-year-old was clubbing regularly with her 43-year-old co-star.  And on the soap, Morgan Fairchild played the mother (well, maybe stepmother) to Sheridan, Mills, Linda Gray, and Loni Anderson.  Except Fairchild is younger than all her “children” – with the exception of Sheridan.  Turns out Joan Collins was originally cast as “mother”, Morgan was going to play the Nicollette role, and Jaclyn Smith was going to play the Linda Gray part.  Then the writers and actors strikes loomed, and Lifetime gave them 13 days to shoot the movie or scrap it.  The scheduling didn’t work for Joan and Jaclyn, who dropped out, Morgan decided she’d rather play “mother”, and Nicollette and Gray joined the cast.  One additional detail bears mentioning.  When the characters are texting each other, the graphics show the actresses’ real names, not their characters’ names!  Simply put, this movie is a mess…but a fun mess.

Getting back to Harry’s question, let’s talk about the guys.  He didn’t mention it, but I thought it was clever to have Christopher Atkins play Gray’s love interest…again!  As for Scott Evans, he was in there.  I know you were expecting Chris Evans’ hunky (and gay) brother.  Wrong one!  This Scott Evans is actually the African-American entertainment reporter on Access Hollywood.  As to Alex, he was played by Travis Burns – who is Australian, thank you very much – although he has some Brit in him.  Alas, not in the romantic sense.  He is reportedly straight, with a wife and a kid.  Still, I found him reminiscent of a young Maxwell Caulfield in Grease 2 – and I can’t think of a better compliment.  And the scene when he was writing the soap in his underwear?  Let’s just say I was mighty distracted.  If the writer of this flick looked like that, you’d be calling me little Billy Zimmerman!  Still, I’m in debt to Stan for including the scene – which you can see on BillyMasters.com.  

What happens to people who don’t have a career?  They start a podcast.  Amy & T.J. comes from Amy Robach and T.J. Holmes, former co-workers on Good Morning America who were fired when their secret affair went public.  “We’re the folks who lost the jobs they love because we love each other,” they say.  I confess I still don’t understand why ABC fired them, since they really didn’t do anything wrong.  Unless you were married to them.

This leads to one of my favorite stories of the year.  According to reports, the former spouses of Robach and Holmes are dating…each other!  Allegedly, Andrew Shue (formerly of Melrose Place) and Marilee Fiebig have been dating for six months.  Of course, nobody will confirm the report.  Maybe they’re trying to keep it a secret!

One person puts them both to shame.  Brenda Lee has been singing “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” for 65 years.  And last week, the song went five-times platinum and finally hit #1 on the Hot 100!  She recorded the song when she was 13 – which, for those of you doing the math, still makes her younger than Darlene Love, but a year older than Cher.  While this is the third #1 of Lee’s career, it is the first time the song hit the top of the charts.  The secret sauce (so to speak) was that this year she released a music video for the song – which featured Tanya Tucker and Trisha Yearwood.  You rock, Brenda!

I love when I hear good news about a friend, and my pal Darlene Love just got some very good news.  In fact, it’s very overdue good news.  Her perennial holiday classic, “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)”, just went platinum!  And she had the platinum album presented to her by none other than Bruce Springsteen!  It happened at Love’s holiday show at New York’s Town Hall on November 30^th.  The “overdue” part is because the song was released in 1963.  This year, the single has had a bit of resusitation since Cher included it on her Christmas collection – and turned it into a duet with Love.  Fun fact – Cher actually sang backup on the original recording 60 years ago!  Even more fun – during several of Cher’s tours, Darlene sang backup for her!  She’s featured prominently on Cher’s Live from the Mirage concert video from 1990.

Not to be outdone, Cher got some good news of her own.  Her single, “DJ Play a Christmas Song”, just went to #1 on the Adult Contemporary chart.  While that might sound impressive, it bears noting she has not had a #1 on that chart since 1989’s “If I Could Turn Back Time” (“Believe” topped the Pop chart in 1999).

Rather than an Ask Billy question, I have a viewer comment.  Jesse in Baltimore writes: “You have to look at Luke Evans’ backstage video.  He’s looking mighty fine.”

He always does – I say without a trace of sarcasm or envy…OK, maybe a bit of envy.  The sexy, openly gay actor is currently appearing in London’s West End in Backstairs Billy – a play about Billy Tallon, an openly gay butler to the Queen Mum.  Evans, who is active on social media, posted a video sporting his impressive physique backstage with the caption: “Wanna burn body fat fast?  DO A WEST END SHOW!!!!  Dropped 8kg in 10 weeks!!  Only down side…it’s BLOODY WINTER.”  If you need to warm up, check out the video on BillyMasters.com.  

When I’m considering auditioning for a West End show, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  Since we’ve run longer than usual, I’ll simply remind you to check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’s always golden.  If you have a question or a comment, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before George Santos applies for a job with Qatar Airways!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

The hit of the Broadway season is the off-Broadway transfer of Sondheim’s Merrily We Roll Along, with a talented trio at the center.  And therein could lie a problem.  You have one woman (Lindsay Mendez) and two men (Daniel Radcliffe and Jonathan Groff).  In a straight porn, that might be a great situation – especially if you throw in a cup!  But when it comes to the Tony Awards, it’s awkward.  Two guys competing against each other?  In a gay porn, that might be a great situation – cup or no cup!  In the film industry, producers determine what category they want people nominated in.  But on Broadway, the Tony Committee makes those decisions.  Being a revival, you’d think there might be a precedent.  However, the original production of Merrily only got one Tony nomination (for Sondheim’s score).  So this was new territory.  The Tony Committee has ruled that Radcliffe and Groff will not be competing against each other.  While both men are ostensibly leads, tradition dictates that the show is more about Groff’s character (Franklin Shepard) than Radcliffe’s (Charley Kringas).  As a result, Radcliffe will be submitted in the “featured” category – think “supporting actor”.  Tragedy averted.

This leads beautifully into our latest installment of Billy’s Holiday Gift Giving Suggestions.  This week’s suggestion comes as a surprise not only to you, but to me, too.  This package was delivered to my home!  Yes, my actual home.  And NOBODY gets that address without a recent nude selfie!  In the box was Stephanie J. Block’s holiday collection, Merry Christmas, Darling.  It also included an allegedly “hand-signed” note, an ornament, a mini candy cane, and lots of that filling that everybody hates because once it’s out of the box, it’s all over your house!  I’m a fan of the lovely multi-award-winning Miss Block (and her hunky hubby, Sebastian Arcelus), so I promptly listened.  The collection has the expected traditional songs, a few holy selections, some unfamiliar tunes, all arranged with great style and taste.  And if she re-releases it next year, she could include her own rendition of Cher’s “DJ Play a Christmas Song”!  What might sound like a curious compliment about a singer is how impressed I am at how Block uses words.  She seems to always think as an actress first – creating a mood, an atmosphere, a connection with the story she’s trying to tell.  In a world of disposable holiday ditties, I consider Merry Christmas, Darling indispensable.

I preface my next story by saying I have not followed The Bachelor since Chris Harrison’s departure.  So, no, I have not watched a single episode of The Golden Bachelor.  But I have seen Gerry (curiously pronounced “Gary”) on talk shows, and I’ve had a feeling there’s something…well, “fishy” about him.  Last week, The Hollywood Reporter did a deep dive on his background, and all was not rosy.  Despite statements like “I haven’t dated in 45 years”, he actually began a three-year relationship with a woman…a month after his wife’s death in 2017!  The woman in question presented a text from Gerry which caught my eye: “Damn, I go to bed at night thinking of you and wake up in the morning thinking of you.”  Not the most scintillating prose, but it was sent less than three months after his wife’s death.  Please understand, I’m not one to cast stones.  I’ve been known to hit on the bereaved during memorial services!  It should also be noted that Gerry allegedly dumped this woman after she gained about ten pounds before his high school reunion.  “I’m not taking you to the reunion looking like that.”  Proving, once again, all that glitters is not gold.

I recently went to a gender reveal party.  Being gay (and a guy), I really wasn’t sure what to expect.  But I was hoping the hot daddy was going to reveal his gender.  I was slightly confused when the bride said, “We all have to take a bite and see what color the frosting is.”  I’ll play your silly game, you crazy straight people.  Imagine my surprise when she brought out a tray of cupcakes!  Suddenly bored, I went into the other room to play with the children – because, contrary to popular belief, I love kids.  In short order, they were dancing and squealing with delight.  Suddenly one mother popped her head in and yelled, “Calm down, Queenie!”  And I don’t even know this woman!  Then I found out she was actually saying “Calm down, Quincy!”  I’m looking around for some Jack Klugman look-alike, only to find out that Quincy is a girl.  And you wonder why boys are wearing dresses to school and girls are becoming cutters?

Even with all our issues, we’re all lucky to be American.  This was driven home by the story of Gilbert Ignatius, who is a citizen of Indonesia and a flight attendant on Qatar Airways for 7 years.  He was celebrating his 32^nd birthday at the Mondrian Hotel in Doha (Qatar) this past spring with a friend when they were detained by security.  They were taken to the private office of the Criminal Investigation Department – which sounds like a show even I wouldn’t watch!  One of the officers ran a moist towelette across Ignatius’ face to prove that he had on some tinted “moisturizer” – they’re very scientific in Qatar!  The officers demanded the guys’ passports, which they refused.  So they were escorted to the local police station and asked if they were prostitutes or if they ever engaged in homosexual activities.  Why?  Because of the tinted “moisturizer” and Gil’s Hermes belt.  It didn’t help when police found a photo of Ignatius shirtless at Bangkok Pride!  Ignatius proclaimed, “I am not a prostitute,” and asked to speak to the Indonesian Embassy.  He was told, “You have no rights.  This is Qatar” – which the tourist bureau might consider using as a national slogan!  Eventually they were released – without their passports.  Qatar Airways said Gilbert was grounded and couldn’t leave the country for several days.  Over a week later, a representative from the airlines drove the men to the Saudi Arabian border and told them they had been deported.  And fired – naturally!

Our Ask Billy question comes from James in Chicago: “I heard one of the contestants on Naked Attraction got hard on the air.  Which episode is that in?”

Damn that Sunny Hostin.  You can’t let menopausal women on television see naked men – they simply can’t handle it.  Due to her numerous mentions of the series, everyone is now watching – which I suppose is a testament to the power of Sunny Hostin (or, rather, The View).  The episode in question originally aired in the UK on November 1, 2018.  For those of you wanting specifics, it was the second episode of season 4.  Zoe chose Jason, who was rockin’ a hot body, a cast on his leg, and had a “fucked-up haircut” (as Barbra would say).  In their final moments, Jason started to get a bit “aroused” on camera – I love when that happens.  I dunno if this episode can be seen anywhere else online other than on BillyMasters.com.  

When we’ve got a grower and a shower, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  Since we just celebrated Thanksgiving, I like to send out my thanks to YOU – the readers of this column.  Thanks for tuning in for almost three decades.  In the spirit of giving, Billy Masters International will be celebrating Cyber Monday all week long.  To take advantage of my largess, head on over to www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’ll give you more than a semi!  If you have a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Francis turns the Coke to wine!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Two other guys who are no longer together are Antoni Porowski from Queer Eye and his now-former fiancé Kevin Harrington.  The twosome announced that they’ve split.  “After many conversations and reflections during the wedding planning process, Antoni and Kevin have amicably decided to part ways.”  I don’t want to call anyone a big fat liar, but I don’t know people who have broken up during wedding planning “amicably”.  Remember when some of his fellow Queer Eye guys weren’t invited to the bachelor party?  A few less gifts to be returned.

On the other end of the spectrum, some of the Suits are planning a reunion…kinda.  Recently, the basic cable show – which went off the air in 2019 – experienced an enormous resurgence due to Netflix.  This past August, it became the “most-watched acquired series in a single week” for the streamer.  It continued to top the charts for a record 12 weeks.  Due to this sudden popularity, a mini Suits reunion will take place at the 2024 ATX TV Fest in Austin, Texas.  Participants include creator Aaron Korsh, Sarah Rafferty, Dulé Hill, and Patrick J. Adams (who you can see naked from his time in Take Me Out on BillyMasters.com).  I know what you’re thinking.  And the answer is, who knows?  If they pony up enough money for security, possibly.  Some people really need attention.

Have you heard about the drama between Daryl Hall and John Oates?  Hall has apparently gotten a temporary restraining order against Oates, and filed a sealed complaint trying to prevent him from performing their songs on his own.  To the best of my knowledge, anyone can sing any song anytime they want – provided it is not being broadcast or recorded for distribution or sale.  However, billing and advertisement are a different matter.  For instance, after The Supremes disbanded, Florence, Mary, or any of the other girls (including Diane) could not bill themselves as Supremes.  Mary could be billed as “The Supreme Mary Wilson”, but not “Mary Wilson of The Supremes”.  So perhaps John Oates is being restricted from using the term Hall & Oates.  Let’s throw in this wrinkle – despite many songs credited to Hall & Oates, Daryl claims that most of them were written and performed solely by him and that John did not participate in the recordings.  If so, why did he give up credit and money?  As we went to press, we learned from someone who has seen the sealed complaint that Daryl is attempting to stop John from selling his share of their joint publishing, Whole Oats Enterprises.  Why?  Primary Wave Music bought a large percentage about 16 years ago, so if they got ahold of Oates’ shares, Daryl would have someone to answer to.  Stay tuned.  Fun fact – Daryl Hall is also 77 years old!

How was your Thanksgiving?  No matter what you did, there are over a thousand transgender Latin Americans in Italy who can top you – and who wouldn’t enjoy that?  What if I told you they had lunch with Pope Francis?  Oh, did I mention that many of them were prostitutes?  A Pope hanging out with hookers – nothing unusual about that!  After all, if it was good enough for Jesus…  As we previously reported, Francis recently signed an edict for trans people to have more rights within the church.  It’s all about baby steps.  The Pope broke bread with the group on the Catholic Church’s World Day of the Poor – proving that the Catholic Church thinks about the poor precisely one day a year!  The large luncheon was held in the papal audience hall.  While perusing the photos of Franny and the hookers eating, I couldn’t help but notice that the tables were laden with large bottles of Coca-Cola.  Product placement?  Well, someone had to pay for that lunch, which included cannelloni filled with spinach and ricotta, meatballs, and tiramisu.  If there’s one thing I’m sure of, hookers enjoy something sweet after their meatballs!

Meanwhile Stateside, the 96^th Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade telecast delivered the largest ratings EVER – and that’s also counting when people had only 2 channels to choose from!  Believe it or not, 28.5 million people tuned into NBC, Peacock, and a few other platforms.  But why?  To see Bell Biv DeVoe?  Brandy?  Miss America?  My pal Sheryl Lee Ralph?  Or Cher?  My money’s on Cher.  She “performed” her latest single, “DJ Play a Christmas Song”, and she almost knew enough lyrics to make the lipsynching look authentic.  But I don’t say that disparagingly.  To the best of my knowledge, nobody has ever performed live at the parade throughout these 96 years…and Cher should know!

More fascinating to me was watching Dolly Parton at the Cowboys-Commanders halftime show dressed as a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader.  While her entire body was encased in a flesh-colored sequin compression garment, she still looked pretty good.  Of course, she too was lipsynching, which amusingly included her patter between songs.  What really concerned me was that she was holding onto the set for dear life whenever she took a step.  Then again, she is 77 – the same age as Cher.  The last thing we need on Thanksgiving is for one of our divas to break a hip!

The fab five are no more.  It’s been announced that Bobby Berk is leaving Queer Eye.  People behind the scenes whisper that he was “asked to leave”.  A source claimed that Bobby was not “vibing” with the rest of the cast, and that “his heart was not in it and the cast started to resent him because of that.”  I can’t say I’m surprised – especially since I’m not exactly sure which one he was.  I know he’s not the hot one.  And he’s not the black one with the talk show.  And he’s not the white-haired one.  When you’re part of “and the rest”, you’re somewhat dispensable.  The official word is that “the decision was amicable”.  Like Star Jones and The View.  Or Elisabeth Hasselbeck and The View.   And…well, virtually everyone who has left The View…except Meredith, naturally.  And, as they say on The View, I’m sure Bobby’s welcomed back any time.

It’s probably pouring salt in the wound to announce that Queer Eye has been picked up by Netflix for a ninth season.  Now, I know what you’re all thinking.  And, no, I probably wouldn’t be a good fit for the show.  The only hit that comes out of a Billy Masters show is Billy Masters, and that’s me, baby, remember?

Now we’ve come to the story that you’ve all been waiting for.  When we do our year-end column, this will go from “Who is Lukas Gage?”, to “Is Lukas Gage Gay?”, to “What is Lukas Gage Doing With Kim’s Hairdresser?”, to “Are Lukas Gage and Chris Appleton Having Sex?”, to “Did Lukas and Chris Get Married?”, to “Did Chris Dump Lukas?”  All in less than a year.  It’s almost Kardashian-esque.  And it’s all true.  Just as we went to press last week, Chris Appleton filed for divorce from Lukas citing that old chestnut, “irreconcilable differences”.  Almost simultaneously, Gage changed his Facebook relationship status from Married to Divorced…and the papers were still warm from the Xerox machine!  What went wrong in this whirlwind romance?  Who can say.  Perhaps getting married faster than a pair of lesbians from Wellesley was the first mistake.  And perhaps having the ceremony performed by Kim Kardashian was an ominous choice.  Ironically, their wedding just appeared on a recent episode of The Kardashians – with Kim advising Chris to get a pre-nup.  He obviously took that advice, because we’re told both boys will leave the marriage with only what they came in with.  The downside is that Lukas will now have to pay for highlights.  And trust me – husbands come and go, but a good hairdresser is forever.

Many people have been asking me if The White Lotus will be back this summer.  Yes and no.  Yes, the show will be back and set in Thailand.  But due to the many strikes, production on season three will not start until February.  That likely means we won’t see another season until the end of 2024, or perhaps not until the summer of 2025.

I’ve often talked about ScottCakes, a Provincetown institution.  The bakery is the brainchild of occasional actor, Scott Cunningham, who used to peddle his wares out of a red wagon after all the Ptown clubs closed.  Did I mention he’d wear a white terry robe?  And usually not much else!  Not surprisingly, the cupcakes took off…to say nothing of the robe!  Within a couple of years, Scott had a storefront for his delectable pink cupcakes, and he’s been a success ever since…until his landlord died.  Real estate is at a premium in Provincetown, and the landlord’s heirs want to sell the property.  But they’ve given Scott first refusal if he can match the offer.  Will he be able to pay in time?  Can he save his 15-year-old business?  And what happened to that robe?  To find out the answers to those questions and much more, check out his GoFundMe page.  I already did my part.  Then again, I’ve tasted his cream!

“I am saying to you if a woman is used to something the size of a baby leg
and you come in with a pinkie toe, there’s nothing you’re gonna do to please her…
If she’s itching for that baby leg, she want that baby leg!” 
– Will Smith’s former assistant Brother Bilaal talks about what he saw in
the Pinkett-Smith household.  Or, rather, what he didn’t see.

I’d hoped to never again type the word “Jada” again.  But this week, it’s inevitable.  It is being alleged that actor Duane Martin (don’t feel bad – I had to look him up as well) slept with Will Smith.  But the story didn’t originate with Duane.  It came courtesy of Brother Bilaal, who was at one time allegedly Will’s assistant.  The J-word addressed the rumor during an appearance on The Breakfast Club.  “This is a person that tried a shakedown, a money shakedown that didn’t work.  We’re gonna take legal action, because it’s one thing to have your opinion about somebody versus just making up salacious, malicious stories.  That’s actionable, so we gonna roll with that.”

Same-sex dancing partners have been commonplace for much longer on the UK’s Strictly Come Dancing.  This season brings us Layton Williams – known in the UK from many TV and West End productions.  His partner is the delicious Nikita Kuzmin – who is straight, but we’re not holding that against him (he also gets blonder every week).  Their dances have routinely been showstoppers.  It’s certainly been a banner season for Nikita, who got to open a recent show paired with fellow pro, the stunning Vito Coppola, in a mesmerizing same-sex love story set to “Something Just Like This”.  It brought down the house.  Kuzmin was born in Ukraine and raised in Italy (where he trained alongside Coppola).  When his parents showed up to see him in the studio, he got choked up.  “In the end, I’m just a kid from Ukraine who’s just living his dream.”  Clips can be found on our website.

All this chit-chat about Strictly was sparked by an Ask Billy question worthy of answering in print.  Jared from London asks: “Are you watching Strictly?  What do you think of Bobby?  I’m sure you saw his package on the Halloween episode.  It’s made all the papers here.”

Now you’ve got my attention, and I tuned in.  Bobby Brazier is a 20-year-old, mop-topped, lanky lad best known for his role on the UK soap EastEnders.  He is the son of a contestant on the 2003 edition of Big Brother UK…so he was basically born into reality television.  In the Halloween episode, his pants weren’t extraordinarily tight.  But as the dance went on, a large, bulbous mass worked its way against his left thigh.  It was so distracting that Shirley Ballas (Mark’s mum) seemed speechless.  Even the typically unflappable Craig Revel Horwood appeared somewhat flapped.  He kept his comments to the dancing, but added, “Is there anything that bottom of yours can’t do?”  According to all the media reports, the BBC was flooded with phone calls.  Most were in favor of the bouncing bulge, while there were a few dissenters.  You can check it out for yourself on BillyMasters.com.  

When we’re topping the leaderboard with someone’s bottom, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  I should mention that Brazier danced to “Come On-a My House”.  But not the Rosemary Clooney version.  This rendition was sung by Della Reese.  Who knew?  For more useless bits and bobs, check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’ll give you more than candy.  If you have a question, dash it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I plan my next trip to the UK.  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

I know I occasionally come off as someone who’s seen it all and isn’t fazed by much.  But last week, I was watching Dancing in the Stars (as Barbara Walters liked to call it) and there was a moment in the group dance when the pairs interchanged.  Suddenly we had four same-sex partnerships: Barry Williams and Sasha, Jason Mraz and Pasha, Alyson Hannigan and Peta, Ariana Madix and Daniella.  I have to confess, my little gay boy heart skipped a bit of a beat.  What’s most interesting is that none of the dancers nor the judges mentioned it – as if it were no big deal.  And I thought to myself…what a message they’re sending out.

Bad news for Belinda Carlisle.  For the third time, she will have to postpone an Australian tour.  I’ll let her tell you what happened.  “As you know, I’m supposed to be going to Australia next week for a tour that’s been rescheduled three times.  And I had an accident and damaged my knee and I have to have sort of emergency surgery tomorrow.  So this is all going to prevent me from going to Australia this time.  I’m embarrassed and I’m really, really, really sorry.  And I’m hoping that it gets rescheduled for 2024…if you’ll have me.”  Get well soon, Babe.

Meanwhile, the ageless Lulu is preparing to celebrate 60 years in showbiz (and her 75^th birthday) with five special shows in the UK – culminating in a special evening at the London Palladium on April 17^th.  And, yes, I think it goes without saying that the champagne will be flowing.

“Fame is a hollow trophy.  No matter who you are,
you can only eat one pastrami sandwich at a time.” 
– Wise words from Barbra Streisand.

You all know that Barbra Streisand’s book is out.  And I know you know this, because the majority of e-mails I received last week are about it.  Since the book is only slightly longer than War and Peace, and the audiobook clocks in at 48 hours, I haven’t made my way through the whole thing.  But I know you’ll want some details that you won’t read elsewhere.  So I skipped to the chapter about her attempt at filming Larry Kramer’s The Normal Heart.  At first, she was going to direct and star in it.  But there were numerous issues with Larry’s script, the casting, the money, and the studio.  After numerous roadblocks, Streisand stepped down as director in frustration.  Kramer asked George C. Wolfe to direct the film, in which Barbra would still act (alongside, we now learn, Ben Stiller).  But the difficulties continued.  Kramer criticized Barbra publicly, and the project eventually fell apart.

But Barbra never gave up on The Normal Heart, and actually put together a cast that would include Mark Ruffalo, Bradley Cooper and Julia Roberts.  The sticking point was that nobody would pay Larry the one million dollars he wanted for his script.  While this was going on, Julia was making Eat Pray Love directed by Ryan Murphy.  Barbra explains, “The next thing I hear is that Ryan has written Larry a check for one million dollars and will be directing the movie for HBO with Julia Roberts and Mark Ruffalo.  Well, he didn’t get Bradley Cooper – then I would have had to kill myself!”  Throughout this chapter, Barbra speaks at length about her son Jason Gould.   “Jason really wanted me to make this movie, and I was looking forward to working with him on the film in some capacity.  It meant so much to me just as his mother.”  After critiquing Murphy’s version, she summed up by saying: “I’ll always regret I didn’t get to make The Normal Heart.  It’s my loss.  But I’m glad Larry finally got it made.”

Barbra also talks about many films she was asked to be in.  One surprise was Splash – the Ron Howard movie with Daryl Hannah as a mermaid.  Picture the climactic scene, where Tom Hanks finds Barbra with a mermaid tail in the bathtub!  I would have paid anything to hear him say, “So don’t just lay there, honey – swim something.”

Tragedy struck Brooke Shields when she was at L’Artusi restaurant in NYC on a break from her show Previously Owned by Brooke Shields.  Hands?  Anybody?  She had been drinking lots of water, and her friends said she looked “weird” (with friends like that…).  The restaurant tried to track down her husband, and then the sommelier got in touch with Bradley Cooper.  Fun fact – Brooke and Brad starred in the 2008 film The Midnight Meat Train – a detail neither seems to acknowledge.  I’ll let Brooke tell you the rest: “I thought to myself, ‘This is what death must be like.’  You wake up and Bradley Cooper’s going, ‘I’m going to go to the hospital with you, Brooke,’ and he’s holding my hand.  And I’m looking at my hand, I’m looking at Bradley Cooper’s hand in my hand, and I’m like, ‘This is odd and surreal.’  I flooded my system, and I drowned myself.  And if you don’t have enough sodium in your blood or urine or your body, you can have a seizure.  I was drinking too much water because I felt dehydrated because I was singing more than I’ve ever sung in my life and doing a show and a podcast.  So [the doctors] were just like, ‘Eat potato chips every day.’”  Helpful hints from Brooke Shields!  

When we can start and end with stories about Andre Agassi’s exes, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  This Shields incident would have never happened to Streisand – ‘cause Babs loves chips!  Our column ran so long, we had to cut portions of that riveting Brooke Shields story.  More salty stuff can be found at www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’ll leave you thirsty for more.  If you’ve got a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Bradley brings Babs a bag of chips.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Back in 2002, Kristin Chenoweth had a difficult decision to make.  She had to choose between being in a musical by Stephen Sondheim and one by Stephen Schwartz.  The Sondheim show was Bounce (previously called Wise Guys).  The other turned out to be Wicked.  She made her choice, and Sondheim wrote her the following.  “Thank you for the thoughtful and generous note.  I, too, was disappointed, but I understand completely.  I hope that Wicked turns out to be everything you want it to be (and that Steve wants it to be, too).”  The rest is history.

Josh Groban and Annaleigh Ashford are set to leave this terribly misguided revival of Sweeney Todd on January 14^th.  One would think that the show would simply shutter and slink away; left to become a sad, little footnote in some Broadway annals.  But, no – the show must go on (must it?).  If you thought Josh Groban was a curious choice for the Demon Barber of Fleet Street, what do you think of Aaron Tveit?  Should a Sweeney have abs of steel?  His Mrs. Lovett will be the fantastically talented, and yet equally miscast Sutton Foster.  I know there are roles Sutton covets – like Mama Rose.  But did she learn nothing from The Music Man?

What about a musical staring John Travolta and Katherine Heigl?  And again, I know what you’re thinking – did he learn nothing from Hairspray?  Or those T-Mobile commercials?  And who has Heigl on their radar?  If there’s anything less plausible than a musical starring this pair, it’s that the name of it is…and I couldn’t make this up if I tried…That’s Amore!  The writer says, “John and Katherine are fantastic together, and during rehearsals they had so much chemistry.  We’re not breaking into big production numbers, but I wanted to try something a little different.  We’ve recorded about seven songs so far with a full orchestra, and he’s just a magical person.  One of the numbers is a real throw back to Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly.”  I don’t look at Travolta and immediately think of Astaire or Kelly.  But another classic image does spring to mind – those dancing hippos in Fantasia.

Someone who would like to return to Broadway is newlywed Chris Evans.  He told the crowd at New York Comic-Con that he hopes to find a project soon.  “I’m looking.  I’d love to actually try and find something next year, but it’s tough because you find something that you are kind of into that could be cool but like I said, once you’re in it, you are in it.  It usually runs three, four or five months.  So, it’s got to be something that you don’t just love, but it’s got to be something that you’re ready to explore from different angles every single night for a very long time.”  How amusing that he considers 3-5 months to be a long time.  After 3-5 dates, I’m bored and have forgotten their names.

Speaking of divas, Cher has made yet another curious career turn – and this is even stranger than her decision to release a line of gelato (called “Cher-lato”), and put out a Christmas album.  Get ready…Cher is going to be in Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.  The only thing that could make this better is if she’s riding the Underdog float!

In a recent interview with the Los Angeles Times, Cher was asked about a quote from 1991 – where she called Madonna “mean”.  “I said a lot worse than that.  It’s not a beef.  I actually like her.  But, come on…she can be!  We buried that hatchet a long time ago because I called her something so much worse, and she forgave me.”

Streisand’s autobiography, My Name is Barbra, finally hits the streets on Tuesday.  And it promises to have…almost no revelations.  Don’t believe me?  Let’s compare it to Britney.  Did Barbra have an abortion?  Or dance with a python?  Did Diana try to have her declared incompetent?  Who wouldn’t wanna hear Barbra scream, “I won’t be nuts for you!”  Oh, wait…she did that already.  But unlike Britney, we’ll be hearing a lot from Barbra.  She does her own audio book.  Didya know it clocks in at 48 hours and 15 minutes?  You could walk from New York City to Los Angeles listening to it and only be up to her divorce from Elliott Gould!  She’ll also do a few interviews, but most of them are tightly scripted and pre-taped.  Gayle King?  In the can.  Stephen Colbert (who never does pre-taped interviews)?  Done.  The wild card is a live sit-down with Howard Stern.  If he’s anything like he was in 1994 when he interviewed Roslyn Kind (who he insists on calling by her legal name, “Barbra Streisand’s Sister”), we might get something juicy.  You can see his chat with Roslyn on BillyMasters.com.

People have asked me what I would ask Babs if I had her on Billy Masters LIVE (it’s only a matter of time).  I do have one question nobody else would ask – is there any truth to the rumor that her understudy when she did Funny Girl on Broadway was Liza Minnelli?  Yes, it sounds preposterous – and, it would have happened over Lainie Kazan’s cold, dead body!  But the story comes from Judy Garland herself.  In May of 1964, Judy was touring Australia and an interviewer asked her about Liza.  “She’s now understudying Barbra Streisand in a Broadway show.”  Funny Girl opened on Broadway on March 26, 1964.  It bears noting that in 1964, I’m not sure Judy Garland knew where SHE was, let alone where Liza was!  You can also see this interview on our website.

Lest anyone think this is Streisand’s swan song, think again.  While she recently released two collections of old music, she hasn’t recorded any new material since Walls in 2018.  As we went to press, a little birdie told us that the 81-year-old is headed back in the studio in January – and could even perform again.  Stay tuned…