Sometimes you can go home again – and sometimes you can’t.  After years of bad recasts and inactivity, Project Runway is returning to the air, now as part of the Disney family on Freeform.  Lo and behold, they’ve lured back Heidi Klum.  But in a surprising move, Tim Gunn won’t join her…and it wasn’t his decision.  When Klum texted Tim to ask how his contract looked, he said what contract?  Tim says, “I called my agent and he knew things were going on, but he contacted the executive producer of this new show, and they said, ‘We don’t want him.’  And my agent said, ‘Well, he’s done 19 seasons of Runway, 16 with Heidi.  The two of them won an Emmy together as hosts, and now you’re going to separate them?’  And they said yes.  So I wasn’t asked back.”  Well, that’s not completely true.  He was asked to make a cameo in one episode.  He shot back, “What do I do?  Wave from a bus as the designers are going into Mood?  Heidi comes to see me at the retirement home and we play croquet?  So no thank you.  And as Heidi would say, you’re either in or you’re out.  And I’m out.  So I wasn’t asked to join.”

Someone who is trying to get out is Wendy Williams.  As you know, Wendy’s been in a memory unit of a NYC care facility which she describes as a prison.  Of course, that is where people with dementia and Alzheimer’s are placed, and Wendy was diagnosed with frontal temporal dementia – which she’s vehemently disputed during a recent media blitz.  Due to these lucid appearances, a new medical evaluation has been scheduled.  In fact, by the time you read this, that will have already taken place (by a doctor her legal team hand-picked).  She also filed papers with the court asking that her guardianship be dissolved.  Stay tuned.

“I love @realDonaldTrump as much as
a straight man can love another man.”
– Elon Musk.  I believe he said that during “Bring Your Kid to Work Day”.

I’m more than a little annoyed at my beloved Google.  They’ve caved to pressure from our new federal government and renamed the Gulf of Mexico as the Gulf of America.  BUT (there’s always a but), it will only be named that when you are in the United States.  Anywhere else, it will continue to be called the Gulf of Mexico.  Admittedly, this is not a big deal, right?  Who cares.  I thought that way…until I discovered that Google has also eliminated Gay Pride Month from their calendars…along with Hispanic Heritage Month, Women’s History Month and Holocaust Remembrance Day.  I hear that Black History Month was also on the list – but they felt it was better to wait until after it’s over!  They’re all heart.

Because he’s known for his discerning taste, El Presidente has taken over the Kennedy Center as chairman of the board.  The previous CEO, David M. Rubinstein, held the position since 2010.  That means he was chairman through both Democratic and Republican administrations.  One of El’s first decisions was to cancel the national tour of Finn – a children’s musical shepherded through the Kennedy Center.  While the Center’s spokesperson says the tour cancellation was “a purely financial decision”, I think not.  Finn is a musical about a young shark who “wants to let out his inner fish” – and I think we all know what that means.  In case it wasn’t clear, the team behind the show said, “At its heart it has a universal message of love and acceptance.”  Well, we can’t have that!  They added, “The fact that that extends to sparkly boys seems to be controversial.”

Last week, Guy Pearce and Adrien Brody were at the Santa Barbara Film Festival and both received the Cinema Vanguard Award.  During a panel discussion, Pearce was asked about The Adventures of Priscilla Queen of the Desert.  “We made the film in ’93, it came out in ’94 and coming off the back of the AIDS epidemic the homophobia was just off the charts through that period.  And people were starting to speak up.  People were starting to feel braver about stepping forward and acknowledging and speaking up about who they are.  Priscilla really enabled a voice for a lot of people, which is one of the things that we’ve been told this past 30 years.”  When asked about the oft-rumored sequel, he said, “We’re putting together a script, what the idea might be, and if we all feel that it’s worthwhile, and then we’ll do it.  I think Hugo and I and Terence are certainly into it, and Steph (writer/director Stephan Elliott) and Hugo and I are having lots of chats about what we might do.  So we’re excited about it, but we won’t do it unless it feels right.  We don’t want to ruin the original one.”  Fingers crossed.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Richie in New York: “Who is Benson Boone?  He’s hot as fuck!”

I have to confess, I’m surprised that Richie is the only one to write me about Boone.  Anyone who can have his tux ripped off at the Grammys by Nikki Glaser and Heidi Klum is my kinda guy (even if the former Mrs. Seal showed a surprising lack of dexterity in undressing a man).  Most people first became aware of Boone when he was on American Idol back in 2021.  Katy Perry predicted he could go viral (thank God I’ve been inoculated).  He left the show voluntarily and became a TikTok sensation – which is where most viruses begin.  He’s made headlines with some racy social media posts and once even left a concert in a Speedo and a smile!  Last year, he opened for Taylor Swift in London (I daresay, I’d open for him any time).  After his tux was removed at the Grammys, he revealed a pale blue, shimmery, translucent jumpsuit with a plunging neckline – suitable for a variety of occasions (even for a straight guy).  He was able to do several gymnastic moves, including his trademark flips.  He ended his “show” with the obligatory cock tug!  He later apologized for “adjusting” himself – as you can see on BillyMasters.com.

When there’s no need for an apology, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Watching Benson, I kept trying to think of who he looked like.  And then it hit me – Gino Vanelli.  Of course, you’re only gonna know who that is if you’re on the shady side of 50.  This week, my shade gets a bit darker as I turn another year older.  February 13^th – buy early, buy often.  Or just stop by and say hi on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’s always celebrating.  If you’d like to tug my cock, send a proposition to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Boone shows up on the next red carpet in Bianca Censori’s outfit!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

The current administration may only be three weeks old, but the ramifications are going to be far-reaching.  Didya hear about the eggs?  Yes, they’ve gotten so expensive, my beloved Waffle House is adding a 50-cent surcharge per egg!  At this rate, you’ll need to take out a loan just to buy an omelet!  This led to some fighting words from their main competitor.  “A surcharge on eggs?  Well, there’s nothing hospitable about that.  At Cracker Barrel, country hospitality is as important to us as a hearty breakfast – and that means not charging extra for eggs.”  Them’s fightin’ words!  I’ll stick with the waffles.

As if that wasn’t enough, the administration is now going after our national cultural center – the Kennedy Center.  El Presidente wrote: “At my direction, we are going to make the Kennedy Center in Washington D.C., GREAT AGAIN.  I have decided to immediately terminate multiple individuals from the Board of Trustees, including the Chairman, who do not share our Vision for the Golden Age in Arts and Culture.  We will soon announce a new Board, with an amazing Chairman, DONALD J. TRUMP!  Just last year, the Kennedy Center featured Drag Shows specifically targeting our youth – THIS WILL STOP.  The Kennedy Center is an American Jewel, and must reflect the brightest STARS on its stage from across our Nation.  For the Kennedy Center, THE BEST IS YET TO COME!”.  What do you think this administration’s idea of great cultural programming is?  I mean, how many nights in a row can you see The Village People?

I’m guessing Oh, Mary! won’t be playing the Kennedy Center anytime soon.  Well, it could if it starred the current Mary, Betty Gilpin.  She took over the role two weeks ago and, as I predicted, it led to a dip at the box office.  How much?  Roughly $300K in one week.  While that sounds like a lot, capacity was only down by a couple of percentage points.  How is that possible?  Miss Gilpin cannot command the ticket prices that Mr. Escola could.  But, this could all be changing.  Tituss Burgess will take over the title role for three weeks starting March 18^th.  Turns out, he has a very close connection with Cole Escola and hoped to play the role.  Dreams do come true!

Devotees of RuPaul’s Drag Race might have been shocked to learn about contestant Sam Star’s close connection with Charles Barkley.  The basketball great went to high school with Sam’s mom and has always been his unofficial godfather.  Star quipped, “I’m sure he’s proud that I’m a drag queen and not a basketball player.”  Barkley even went to one of Sam’s drag shows.  We’re told he was generous with the tipping!  Of course, none of this should come as a complete surprise.  Remember back in 2023 when people protested Bud Light working with Dylan Mulvaney?  Barkley had no problem sharing his thoughts.  “I got three cases of Bud Light, and hey, I want to say this.  If you’re gay, bless you.  If you’re transgender, bless you.  If you have a problem with that – fuck you!”

I hate to give any oxygen to Kanye West, or his wife, Bianca Censori, who was basically nude on the red carpet.  When criticized, he lashed out on Twitter by saying, “Anyone who called my wife’s Grammy look a stunt is dumb and laaaame yes youuuu She been dressing naked for 2 years Now all of a sudden it’s a stunt.  Every single bitch on the planet wish they had her bravery body platform and a husband that supported they personal expression.”  I dunno if I’d call it a stunt – but it does appear that they simply showed up at the Grammys to walk the red carpet.  We hear they never went into the venue – they simply left!  As to his antisemitic posts, he made what was possibly his most honest statement ever.  “I don’t even know what the fuck anti-Semitic means.”  Someone buy that guy a dictionary!  Lastly, he spoke up on behalf of a friend.  “FREE PUFF.  @realDonaldTrump PLEASE FREE MY BROTHER PUFF.”  So if it happens, thank Ye!

Hasn’t Wendy Williams suffered enough?  You know you’re in trouble when your most vocal advocate is Britney Spears!  Yes, Brit has offered to do whatever she can to help Wendy get out of her court-ordered guardianship.  At least she’s sticking with something she knows about.  Guardianship, snakes, Ginsu knives, and that’s about it.

In 1990, Sinéad O’Connor scored a major hit with “Nothing Compares 2 U”, written by Prince.  In 2017, she gave one of her last televised performances of the haunting song.  Now, a year after her death, she made a curious request to her children.  In her will, she asked that all of her albums to be re-released and instructed her kids to “milk it for what it’s worth.”  A guy asked me to do that to him once – but that’s another story.

“My job is to look out and make sure that we don’t have any
kings or queens in this country.  But it seems like y’all have
decided that it is going to be Mr. King and his Queen –
and y’all can pick which one is which.”
– Representative Jasmine Crockett criticizes the access Elon Musk
has been given by El Presidente.  I love a woman who ain’t fronting!

I love music, but the Grammy Awards have never really excited me.  But I can appreciate many of the artists, including Beyoncé.  Her country album Country Carter did very well at the Grammys.  And this leads us to one of Billy’s Fun Facts.  Didya know it’s been 51 years since a Black woman won a Grammy in a country music category?  The last time was back in 1974 when Best Country Vocal Performance by a Duo or Group was won by four Black women – Ruth, Anita, June and Bonnie.  You probably know them as The Pointer Sisters (back when they were a quartet).  The song, “Fairytale”, was written by Anita and Bonnie, and later covered by Elvis Presley.

As always, there were political moments during the show.  Shakira won Best Latin Pop Album.  “I want to dedicate this award to all of my immigrant brothers and sisters in this country.  You are loved, you’re worth it, and I will always fight for you.”  This might be a good time to mention that our president’s mother was an immigrant.  Come to think of it, so were two of his wives!  Then there’s Lady Gaga, who won Best Pop Duo or Group with Bruno Mars for “Die with a Smile”.  She took to the stage and used her moment to criticize El Presidente’s edict that there are only two genders – male and female.  “Trans people are not invisible.  Trans people deserve love.  The queer community deserves to be lifted up.  Music is love.”

Our Ask Billy question comes from Frank in Michigan: “I read online that Taylor Perez is becoming an underwear model.  For who?  And do you have the photos?”

That’s Taylor Zakhar Perez to you, Frankie.  Taylor has been signed by Lacoste to be the face…er, the abs of their brand as “global underwear ambassador”.  In Red, White and Royal Blue, he was the openly gay son of the US president.  In real life, not so open.  Taylor said, “I’ve always admired the history, legacy, and creativity of the brand, and it’s with great pride that I now carry the values of the crocodile.”  His “values” are on full display against a Parisian backdrop and are quite impressive.  You won’t need a passport to check him out on BillyMasters.com.

When nothing comes between Taylor and his gator, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  More wildlife can be found on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that never asks, “Boxers or briefs?”.  For all your other needs, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before someone asks Collins to play Eve from the Garden of Eden (she knew her, too).  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

With the Super Bowl around the corner, we’re looking forward to some of the ads that will run.  Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan revisit the infamous deli from When Harry Met Sally for Hellmann’s.  Not being a mayo aficionado, I didn’t get too excited about that.  Still, there is magic seeing Crystal sitting across from a virtually unrecognizable Ryan.  Speaking of unrecognizable, the aforementioned Cher hawks Uber Eats straddling a cannon.  She gets ahold of a time machine and tries to go back to the ‘80s – the 1680s.  Eh, at least it’s a year she remembers!  When villagers remark, “She’s both young and old at the same time,” you realize she’s in on the joke.  When they call her a witch, she corrects them.  “I’m an icon.”

Speaking of icons, we come to my favorite story of the week.  Have you heard about Joan Collins’ latest comeback?  Talk about going back in time.  The 91-year-old legend has signed on to make a big-screen biopic about Wallis Simpson!  The Bitter End recounts Mrs. Simpson’s years after the death of the Duke.  What nobody seems to know is that Collins manifested this project 40 years ago.  Back in the October 1, 1985 issue of Life magazine (remember Life?), Collins was featured in a pictorial as famous women in history.  Queen Elizabeth I, Catherine the Great, Cleopatra, Marilyn Monroe, Eve (as in Adam and…) and even the Duchess of Windsor.  She also dressed as Josephine Baker – which is problematic for other reasons.  She’ll once again don Wallis drag.  “It’s a very good script, and it’s a great part for me.  I’ve always been fascinated by Wallis, because I think she was unfairly treated,” says Collins.  Simpson was previously portrayed on screen by Faye Dunaway in The Woman I Love, Joely Richardson in Wallis & Edward, Eve Best in The King’s Speech and Lia Williams in The Crown.

Pee-wee Herman (aka Paul Reubens) basically took over the airwaves in the ‘80s.  The ‘90s were mostly mired in a sticky sort of scandal.  Reubens successfully revived the character in Pee-wee’s Big Holiday in 2016.  Two years after his death, a documentary has debuted at the Sundance Film Festival.  Pee-wee as Himself was not only well received, but managed to make news.  At long last, Reubens came out as gay – in his own words.  “I was out of the closet, and then, I went back in the closet.  I wasn’t pursuing the Paul Reubens career; I was pursuing the Pee-wee Herman career”.  He also says, “I was secretive about my sexuality even to my friends [out of] self-hatred or self-preservation.  I was conflicted about sexuality.  But fame was way more complicated.”  Sounds like a great doc.

Every once in a while, people ask me about that film version of Sondheim’s Merrily We Roll Along.  It’s being directed by Richard Linklater, and he’s got a long-term plan.  Given that the musical takes place over 20 years (in reverse chronological order), he wants to film it over a similar time period – except being shot in chronological order (similar to how he shot Boyhood over 12 years).  Linklater started shooting in 2019 with Ben Platt, Beanie Feldstein, and Blake Jenner.  However, shortly after filming the rooftop “Our Time” sequence, Jenner left the project.  He was replaced by Paul Mescal.  Problem is – all three actors are already significantly older than their characters were.  And, here’s another rub – who in God’s name is going to care about any of these people in 20 years?  I barely care about them now!  And, at least in terms of Beanie and Ben – haven’t we all suffered enough?

Clearly it’s time for another jaunt in the Filth2Go Wayback Machine.  Back in 1974, Little House on the Prairie debuted on NBC.  After Netflix announced a reboot, Megyn Kelly expressed concern over preserving the sanctity of the show.  “If you wokeify Little House on the Prairie I will make it my singular mission to absolutely ruin your project.”  This ticked off Melissa Gilbert, who responded.  “Ummm… watch the original again.  TV doesn’t get much more ‘woke’ than we did.  We tackled: racism, addiction, nativism, anti-Semitism, misogyny, rape, spousal abuse and even other ‘woke’ topic you can think of.  Thank you very much.”  No, thank you, Half Pint!

In 1975, Cher televised a TV special which led to her solo variety show.  The special included a skit that took place at Final Curtain – Rest Home for Aged Performers.  The aged residents included Cher, Bette Midler and Flip Wilson in the year 2025.  They congregate in the “fun room” to watch the 1975 special.  When Elton John enters on a motorized wheelchair…well, Cher and Bette cannot keep it together.  Check it out on BillyMasters.com.

Back in 1985, Lily Tomlin scored a major success with her partner Jane Wagner’s one-woman show, The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe.  She even won the Tony Award.  In 1991, it was made into an acclaimed play and Lily reprised the role in a national tour in 1999.  Others have tackled the material – most recently, Cecily Strong did it off-Broadway and in Los Angeles in 2022.  Now, the Aurora Theatre in Berkeley, CA will mount a revival this summer starring our very own Marga Gomez.  “I couldn’t be more thrilled to see Marga Gomez stepping in to Lily Tomlin’s iconic role,” said Aurora’s Artistic Director, Josh Costello.

In 1997, Lisa Kudrow and Mira Sorvino attended their 10-year high school reunion.  Well, not their reunion.  It was Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion.  Guess what?  In a couple of years, it will be their 40^th high school reunion.  So what a perfect time to talk about a sequel.  This time around, Sorvino and Kudrow are involved behind the scenes as executive producers.  Since they want to release the film in 2027, they’re not in a big rush.

“Seeing that video, it’s hard to believe that it’s
actually genuine and real because she’s an actress.”
– Criticism of Selena Gomez crying in a video about the mass deportation
of illegal immigrants.  Trust me, lady, she’s not THAT good an actress.

This week, I’m writing to you from sunny South Florida – Fort Lauderdale, to be precise.  As I boarded the plane, a Facebook memory popped up from 2019.  “I’m heading to Fort Lauderdale to compete against Dan Renzi in the pole dancing competition at Chat Noir.”  While I’d like to say my life has changed since then and I’ve grown up, apparently I’m the same ole Billy – except it’s no longer a competition.  And, rather than the divine Dan, I was with three dear lifelong friends to celebrate my upcoming birthday.  You know what I discovered?  Straight women are exhausting (no offense).  I adore them, but I must give it up to straight men…which I’ve always been inclined to do.  And, instead of Chat Noir, we were at AquaPlex (formerly Lips) to see my pal Daisy DeadPetals host the fabulous drag dinner.  Definitely check it out if you’re in the neighborhood – FlaDragShow.com.

It’s been a busy week, so let’s dispense with the politics quickly.  First, how could a fatal collision in mid-air be blamed on former Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg?  “He’s a disaster now!” said El Presidente.  Yeah, because a former Rhodes scholar who has served in our military and served in both local and federal government is not nearly as qualified as an alumni of The Real World!  Mayor Pete wasn’t taking that lying down.  “Despicable.  As families grieve, Trump should be leading, not lying.”

Did I slip into a time warp and enter the ‘80s?  When did Caroline Kennedy dump the Schlossberg name?  Not that I really care, but it seems like she’s sold the Schlossbergs down the river and become a Kennedy again?  I have a good mind to ask for my bat mitzvah gift back!  And if she’s gonna be Caroline Kennedy, would it kill her to come back and host The Kennedy Center Honors?  I miss her sidling onto the stage in an ill-fitting dress and carrying a saddlebag.  Still, I sincerely appreciate her service to our country.

This week’s Ask Billy question comes from Reggie in Miami: “I just saw a commercial for a new sitcom with Laverne Cox.  What’s that all about??”

For this one, we had to enlist the aid of the Filth2Go Wayback Machine.  And you know it’s WAY back, because the sitcom is produced by Norman Lear, who’s been dead since 2023!  Back then, they shot a pilot called Clean Slate, which was shopped around to a number of networks.  I guess they weren’t ready for a sitcom about the owner of a car wash in Alabama (George Wallace) who is surprised when the son he hasn’t seen for almost 20 years comes back as his daughter (Laverne Cox).  Reggie is right – the trailer for the show looks fantastic.  George Wallace is a comic legend, and Laverne Cox mostly holds her own playing the glamorous, down-and-out daughter.  And then you have the sublime Telma Hopkins as Laverne’s mom.  If what airs on Amazon Prime starting on February 2^nd matches what’s in the pilot, then they may just be onto something…continuity be damned!

When I’m picturing Ashley Parker Angel and gallons of baby oil, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  In researching this column, I also learned that Drew Goins has a penchant for karaoke…of the Celine persuasion.  Let’s hope if any part of his body becomes stiff, it turns up on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that always starts with a clean slate.  If you have a question for me, send it along at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I hit on Drew (in the form of a question, naturally).  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

You know who looks good in any ‘kini?  Drew Goins – which my computer auto-corrected as “Drew Groins”.  The blond-ish beau (who writes for the Washington Post) sent out mega gay vibes back in September when he appeared on Jeopardy!.  A few weeks ago, he returned for the Second Chance tournament and cemented his status as a gay icon.  The Final Jeopardy question was, “An early version of this app was called Matchbox but that name was too similar to another company that offered the same service.”  The correct answer was Tinder, which Drew spelled as Tindr.  Then there was the slightly too-tight turtleneck which prominently displayed his headlights.  Regarding nipple-gate (it’s not a “gate”), he said, “I promise that a certain body part or two of mine was less prominent when I put that turtleneck on at the beginning.”  He bought the infamous turtleneck at Banana Republic on Ala Moana Boulevard in Waikiki, which was decidedly warmer than the Jeopardy! studios.  Still, he’s taking the attention in stride, since he recently posted a photo wearing a half shirt emblazoned with “I’ll take being cute for $200”.  Still, he claims to not want shallow people.  “Someone said, ‘I’m thirsty for his brain!”  And that is what I would love people to be thirsty for.”  Easy to say since he announced on the show that he’s engaged to his longtime boyfriend.  Amusingly, when he showed up on lookalike brother Zach’s Inside the Film Room podcast, he said, “Even though the fact we look like twins has not stopped the internet from mistaking us as husbands.”  I think the fact that Drew says to Zach, “I love you Boo Bear” has certainly played a part in the confusion.  FYI, Zach is married…to a woman (Drew was best man).  Check them both out on BillyMasters.com.

Another blast from the past is O-Town.  The band constructed on the television show Making the Band has been in the headlines before – mostly regarding allegations against their Svengali Lou Pearlman, who had a penchant for watching footage of Ashley Parker Angel in the shower (and who can fault him for that).  People forget that after three seasons on ABC with O-Town, Making the Band did 9 more seasons on MTV… with Sean “Diddy” Combs.  With all the scandal surrounding Diddy, the O-Town boys (who have reunited sans the aforementioned Angel) want to set the record straight.  Their management said, “The corporate events O-Town does tend to be the strongest offers for the group,” a statement that speaks volumes.  “The offer was pulled due to the perception of the group being attached to Diddy…Since the Diddy news, we’ve received questions and hesitancy from several talent buyers, especially for soft tickets like fairs and theme parks, as well as city-funded events.”  What I got out of this is they do a lot of county fairs, amusement parks, and events sponsored by Tang.  For the love of Pete, let O-Town sing!

Speaking of oldies but…well, oldies, how many of you remember Robin Byrd?  Even if you know where she ended up, you probably don’t know where she came from.  She was born and raised in NYC, studied marketing, dropped out of school to be a nude model and eventually appeared in some porno films – including Debbie Does Dallas (so that gives you a rough idea of her age).  In the late ‘70s, public access cable was starting, and Robin paid to host her own weekly talk show on the city’s infamous Channel J – which had no censorship and regularly ran nudity.  Robin became notorious by sitting down and chatting with straight and gay porn stars, having them strip, and provoking “Mr. Cameraman”.  She became a viral sensation – long before there was a cure!  Robin also became a very visible gay activist in the NYC community in the ‘80s and ‘90s.  Now she’s trying to get a documentary made about those heady times.  And, as usual, she wants to hear from you.  She says you can call (347) 829-4959.  If you call, tell me what she says – I’m afraid to find out how much a minute she charges.

Jonathan Bennett is also going back to the future.  Just after the new year, he took what some are referring to as an “iconic commercial” (which I, inexplicably, never saw) for Carnival Cruises which featured Kathie Lee Gifford singing, “Ain’t We Got Fun”.  Oh, good – three reasons why it doesn’t ring any bells!  Apparently it was iconic enough for the Mean Girls star to do a kinda shot-for-shot recreation with himself as a latter-day Kathie Lee (sans Cody and Cassidy).  The result – a viral video (there’s a lot of that going around this winter, so bundle up).  It got the attention of Kathie Lee, who said, “I suppose imitation is the best form of flattery, so thank you @jonathandbennett.  Although, I do look a whole lot better than you do in a bikini!”  Curious ‘cause he ain’t wearing a bikini, or a monokini.  Decide for yourself when you see both videos on BillyMasters.com.

“No nomination for the Oscar, but I couldn’t even
imagine that.  I did get a SAG nomination,
which is really exciting.”
– Pamela Anderson is philosophical about being snubbed by
the Academy for The Last Showgirl.  Still, it’s odd to hear
her even udder the word “SAG”!

As a globetrotter on a budget, I have no shame in admitting I’ve flown Spirit Air.  Boston to Fort Lauderdale nonstop for $32?  My Uber to the airport cost more!  A middle seat on a flight less than three hours?  I’ll manage.  But on my last flight, I was seated next to a woman of Rubenesque proportions in a pair of Daisy Dukes and a halter top.  When she sat down, virtually all of her clothes disappeared into crevices heretofore unseen while standing.  She almost looked nude – and damn proud of it!  She might have to think twice the next time she flies.  Spirit just announced a dress code.  You may not be allowed to board if you are someone “barefoot or inadequately clothed, or whose clothing or article, including body art, is lewd, obscene, or offensive in nature.”  They also mention “see-through clothing, not adequately covered, exposed breasts, buttocks or other private parts.”  OMG – at least three times in 2024, I could have been kicked off the plane!  Oh, the shame – booted from a Spirit flight.

Fire, wind, earthquake – haven’t the poor people of California suffered enough?  I have spent about 20 years not completely comprehending who Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are – and I’m proud of that.  Just when I think I’m out, they pull me back in.  The gruesome twosome has filed a lawsuit against the Los Angeles Department of Water and Power.  Why?  They claim that since the city didn’t maintain an adequate water supply, they lost their home in the fire.  From a purely practical standpoint, this suit cannot prevail or the entire state would be bankrupt.  From an amused standpoint – I’d really like to see Spencer Pratt stand up in open court and identify the Santa Ynez Reservoir on a map.  In fact, I’ll be impressed if he can identify the state of California!

Two Broadway babies are lobbying for Bravo to get into the theatre game.  Megan Hilty recently pitched Andy Cohen an idea – The Real Housewives of Broadway.  Andy said the idea had previously been discussed with Kristin Chenoweth and said he’d love to do it.  The Broadway/Housewives combination is not as outrageous as you’d think.  Quite a few Housewives have appeared on Broadway – including NeNe Leakes, Kandi Burruss and Erika Jayne.  Admittedly, they all appeared in the musical Chicago, but it’s a start.

We hear that Golden Globe winner Ariana DeBose has a plum project on the horizon.  She’s in discussions to lead a new production of Evita at the London Palladium.  You’ll recall that this is where the acclaimed revival of Sunset Boulevard with Nicole Scherzinger started.  In fact, this Evita will be directed by Jamie Lloyd – who directed Sunset.  Previews begin June 12^th.

Tom in Arizona provides this week’s Ask Billy question: “I saw Tom Holland on the cover of Men’s Health.  He looks amazing.  Has he ever posed nude??”

Well, there’s nude and then there’s nude.  While promoting one of those Spider-man movies, he told Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos, “Essentially I’m naked in those movies because the suit is so skintight.”  And in Men’s Health, he certainly looks like a superhero.  However, it should be noted that he’s a little bit of a thing – not to be confused with having a little bit of a thing.  He’s 5’8” (barely) and weighs about 145 pounds – but can “bulk up” to a hefty 155.  That’s not a whole lotta body to whip into shape.  One of my favorite former porn pups is the buff and beautiful Tory Mason – who I think of as an adorable Muppet of the gay porn galaxy.  He likes to remind me that he’s perfectly proportioned (talk about someone who’s made big bucks taking and receiving sperm).  Anyway, if you’d like to check out Mr. Zendaya’s bod, head on over to BillyMasters.com.

When “influencer” is another term for “sperm donor”, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  In the “Men’s Health” article, I was struck by something Timothée Chalamet said: “Tom is the ultimate rizz master.”  In my haste, I thought Timmy was making some bold confession referring to Holland as a “jizz master”, which would have fit into this week’s column quite nicely.  Alas, “rizz” is a word the kids use for “charisma”.  For more bits that are lost in translation, check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that brings you the rizz and the jizz!  If you want to share either with me, reach out and touch me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Babs shows up at that telethon!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

This column is being written prior to the Coronation…er, the Inauguration.  I don’t have lots of thoughts – other than I think it’s amusing that El Presidente believes Hollywood is in another country.  Why else would he need Special Ambassadors to Hollywood?  Unless he means “special” as in “special needs”.  Next, I really don’t care about Carrie Underwood, but I think anyone who can make a lot of money and get international exposure is lucky.  Good for her.  Yes, I know how many gay people feel.  One such fan posted this to Carrie: “Don’t ever call yourself an LGBTQ ally again, you’re supporting the man that wants to abolish LGBTQ rights, you should be ashamed.”  I’m ashamed that this person doesn’t know the difference between a comma and a period.  I have no problem with Nancy Pelosi sitting this out.  But I’d pay good money to watch her try to do “Y.M.C.A.” without breaking a hip!

You know what does shame me?  Seeing Joe Manganiello hosting Deal or No Deal Island.  First off…REALLY?  I don’t have oodles of respect for him as an “actor”, but even I think he’s better than this.  Apparently one of the trades thinks so – in writing about the show, they called him a “veteran actor”!  Well, any chance one gets to see Joe shirtless is fine by me.  But I’ve seen lots of reality shows, and I’ve rarely seen the hosts topless.

It’s the end of an era.  When acclaimed gay party promoter Jeffrey Sanker died in 2021, one thought his empire would crumble.  But it continued…although in a somewhat diminished capacity.  Last week, it was announced that the legendary White Party in Palm Springs (which typically takes place around Easter weekend) was cancelled.  They are not saying it’s gone for good, but it sure sounds like it.  “While it’s bittersweet to take a pause, this gives us an opportunity to reflect and explore new ways to innovate and evolve”.

Someone else taking a pause is Bobby Berk.  The former Queer Eye host sold his home in the Hollywood Hills.  First he’s drummed out of the show, then he’s drummed out of Hollywood.  We hear he will not relocate in the area.

Some people take a pause against their will.  Take Wendy Williams.  She’s been (allegedly) locked in a facility against her will with limited contact with family and friends.  Her crime?  None that I can think of.  People say they are doing it for her own good – but I don’t know how selling someone’s home, giving away their pets, confining them to a facility, and keeping them away from their father’s 94^th birthday is good.  Wendy found a way to get her message out directly – via Charlamagne The God and The Breakfast Club (you can hear the full interview on BillyMasters.com).  She called into the show last week sounding surprisingly lucid – aside from repeating “you know what I’m saying” about two thousand times.  I am completely Team Wendy on this.  Even if she is mentally compromised, why shouldn’t she be able to choose where and how she wants to live?  It’s a world gone mad.

Pope Franny is all for welcoming gay men into the priesthood on one condition – if they are willing to have “an orientation towards celibate life.”  Now, I’m no authority on Catholicism, but aren’t all priests – gay or straight – supposed to be celibate?  I looked it up and found this information: “The Catholic Church considers the law of clerical celibacy to be not a doctrine, but a discipline.”  And I’ve known my share of priests who like to be disciplined!  Anyway, the Pope has his own views: “The objective of the training for priesthood in the emotional-sexual sphere is the ability to welcome chastity in celibacy as a gift, to freely choose and to responsibly live it.”  It’s a gift?  As I tell most people when it comes to gifts, I’d rather have the cash!

I am never surprised at the stupidity of people.  But this chick in France takes the cake…or the gâteau!  She willingly handed over $850K to someone she met online who said he was Brad Pitt.  Let’s first start with this point – who out there believes a random message they get online is from the real Brad Pitt?  Hands?  OK, let’s say you believe it is really Brad Pitt – God only knows why.  Is there any universe in which you think he’s asking strangers for hundreds of thousands of dollars?  And riddle me this – if Max Emerson is getting $15K a pop to jerk off, how much could Brad Pitt make in a couple of hours?  Anyway, Frenchie says “Brad” told her he had cancer – but, shhh, it’s a secret he’d only tell random strangers online.  He needed money for treatment, and that bitch Angelina froze his accounts.  Is there any part of that story you would believe?  Max Emerson – sure.  Brad Pitt – I don’t think so.

“You’re a lot more interesting than I thought.”
– Cher to Josh Brolin after he discussed his memoir on The Graham
Norton Show in December.  After Cher promoted her memoir, Josh said,
“You remind me of my mom!”   Before you ask, he meant
his biological mom, not his stepmom who he refers to in the
book as “a singer”.  You know her as Barbra Streisand.

People like to bash the so-called Hollywood elite, but those privileged few know how to band together when the going gets tough.  Numerous fundraisers have been organized to help those decimated by the LA fires.  Josh Brolin is one of the stars spearheading LA Wildfire Relief LIVE – a telethon with a glittering lineup.  No word yet if he’s convinced his stepmom to step up (or, for that matter, his new pal Cher).  Then there’s FireAid, a benefit concert taking place in not one but two LA venues.  Others are involved with the SoCal Fire Fund on Charitybuzz.  There’s also a virtual benefit called LA Check In – which sounds like something you do at a Best Western!

Also victim of the fires were “influencers” Max Emerson & Andres Camilo.  Hours after their home succumbed to the flames (a home they renovated and heavily documented online), they announced they were separating.  Which begs the question – “Who?”  Actually, that’s somewhat unfair – I have at least heard of Max Emerson.  And one must applaud the posting of their separation announcement.  It was nestled between footage of their house burning down and a montage of near-nude photos of them in happier times.  Putting it into context, Max’s previous post was a video talking about becoming a sperm donor – for $15K a pop.  At that rate, he’ll be in a new house before you can say “Roll over!”  Some people got it and make it pay – some people can’t even give it away!

Our Ask Billy question comes from Kasey in Chicago: “I read that Nicholas Hoult was given a dildo as a gift from Nosferatu.  What’s that all about?”

First things first – I was shocked to learn Nicholas Hoult was straight!  Sure, he dated Jennifer Lawrence, but you know – whatever.  After I saw A Single Man, I was sure he was gay.  I dunno if it was the film, his eyebrows, or that angora sweater.  It just all screamed gay to me.  He’s apparently straight and has two kids.  Anyway, back to Kasey’s question – Nicholas starred in Nosferatu with Bill Skarsgård.  The dildo (it’s actually a prosthetic penis) belonged to Bill.  I’ll let Hoult explain: “I have Count Orlok’s prosthetic penis framed at home.  There’s a scene where Bill Skarsgård is slurping my blood and Robert Eggers [the director] asked, ‘How was that for you?’ and I said, ‘I could feel his prosthetic penis on my leg.”  After the filming wrapped, Eggers sent him the penis in a frame.  A curious codicil to this story is that at some point, the frame got broken.  So Nicholas brought it to a shop to be re-framed.  He was certain the guy would ask about the object, but he didn’t even bat an eye…until it was ready for pickup.  He asked Hoult, “Is this some kind of collector’s piece?”  Nicky said, “Yeah, you could say that.”  You could also see it on BillyMasters.com.

When straight men are collecting penises (penii?), it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  We should also note the death of Anita Bryant.  Sure, she was notably against gay rights, but I’ll always remember her as that Florida orange juice lady.  I know we tend to vilify people with different viewpoints, but I was nonetheless stunned when folks online were comparing Bryant to Hitler, Mussolini, and Stalin.  Not only do I not think these are apt comparisons, it gives Anita just a tad too much importance.  She was certainly entitled to her opinion – just as others were entitled to protest her and, in one instance, pelt her with a banana cream pie (in refusing to press charges, she quipped, “At least it was a fruit pie!”).  She knew her views would be career suicide, but she had her convictions…something very few people do.  I know, I know – stick with hot nude men, Billy.  And you’ll find plenty of them on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that can’t be put in a box…or a frame!  If you’ve got something worth framing, send a photo along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I troll LA hot spots in hopes of running into Matt Gutman and David Muir!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

The last few weeks haven’t been great for Danny Pintauro.  It all started on Thanksgiving night when he had a mishap on one of those rental scooters (full disclosure – I use them all the time in LA).  He was in the bike lane (which I rarely am), when it suddenly was blocked with cone pylons.  He swerved only to find himself between a pylon and a van.  As he said, “The pylons hurt!”  While he initially thought he broke an arm, he ended up having an infection in his bloodstream due to a tear in his stomach lining.  An emergency laparotomy and abdominal surgery took place – followed by a long stay in ICU while intubated.  While he is doing better, his medical bills are daunting.  He started a GoFundMe page with a modest goal of $5K – which was reached quickly.  Still, I’m sure anything you could donate would be helpful: GoFundMe.com/dans-health-costs-from-the-scooter-accident.

By the by, you’ll recall that Alyssa Milano planned a reboot of Who’s The Boss? a couple of years back.  It bounced around several networks until it landed at Freevee – which itself is hanging on by a thread.  This may explain why the reboot plans were scuttled.  Throughout discussions, Milano talked about reuniting with Tony Danza and hopes that Judith Light would pop in.  But I don’t recall the word “Pintauro” being uttered – not that udders are his department.  It gave some credence to rumors that the twosome didn’t get along…which I found somewhat amusing, because if anyone loves the gays, it’s Milano!  Anyway, in writing about the LA fires, Danny said the following: “My dear friend Alyssa Milano has been posting some incredibly helpful links to various charities and assistance programs so I’m going to ask you to rely on her wonderful content at this time.”  He may no longer have her phone number, but he’s still following her on social media!

I’m not someone who typically goes to these fan conventions, but even I am tempted by the lineup for MegaCon in Orlando in February.  Sure, my feathers got fluffed with the thought of Dolph Lundgren, Tom Welling, Brandon Routh and Grant Gustin in the same room.  But there are also some special reunions scheduled.  Fans of Happy Days can snag a snap with the gang from Arnold’s – Ron Howard, Henry Winkler, Anson Williams and Donny Most in the same booth.  If you’re a bit younger, you can purchase a pic with stars from The Breakfast Club – Judd Nelson, Molly Ringwald, Ally Sheedy, and Anthony Michael Hall.  Who says you can’t go home again?  Check out FanExpoHQ.com/MegaConOrlando.

Should you be in the Las Vegas area, you might wanna check out the annual GayVN Awards.  Sponsored by Adult Video News, these awards celebrate the best in gay porn, and I should know – I’m a judge.  These shows always need a sassy gay man to hold things together, so they’ve once again enlisted Alec Mapa as host.  The statues will be presented on January 20^th – God knows what will be done with them after that!  The place?  The Virgin Hotels Las Vegas – as apt a spot as any.  You can find tix and information on AVN.com/gayvnawards.

Hours after her Golden Globes win for Hacks, Jean Smart inadvertently stepped in it…as one does.  “With ALL due respect, during Hollywood’s season of celebration, I hope any of the networks televising the upcoming awards will seriously consider NOT televising them and donating the revenue they would have garnered to the victims of the fires and the firefighters.”  You see, Jean, the problem is that revenues come from ad sales.  No telecast, no ads, no revenue.  Many of her peers ganged up on the designing woman saying that no awards shows would put them all out of work.  Her heart was in the right place, but perhaps this idea wasn’t fully baked.

Speaking of the Golden Globes, Nikki Glaser knocked it out of the park – all while having her own Golden Globes proudly propped up front and center.  Days before, most people never heard of her – making this overnight success one of the longest nights in history.  Rumor has it that she earned just over $400K for the gig – roughly half of what they paid Ricky Gervais.  Even our own Jerrod Carmichael (far more of an unknown than Glaser) got half a mil for hosting in 2023.  Sounds like a gender issue to me.  The Nikkster said she didn’t care about the money.  “I honestly would have done it for free.”  Nikki, Nikki, Nikki – never say things like that out loud.

“I don’t want to be in a relationship.  It’s not for me.  It never was…
I’m straight; everybody thinks I’m gay.  But I don’t care what I am. 
Whatever.  It doesn’t matter.  I really put blinders on…
my work, my work, my work.  Any time something gets in the way,
I just kind of block it out.”
– Hit songwriter Diane Warren setting the record straight.  She’ll have
a whole lot to block out going forward because she’s one of the
people who lost her home in the Los Angeles Fires.

For the past 25 years, I’ve called Los Angeles home.  While I’m not there right now, my heart aches for those suffering within spitting distance of my Beverly Hills adjacent abode.  As we learned, spit, a garden hose, or a pump from the pool is no match for dry weather, intense winds, and flying embers.  Still, we must look at the bright side – which for most people is seeing an outpouring of help from professionals and civilians alike.  For me, it’s seeing ridiculously hot men on TV.  A disheveled Matt Gutman was covered in soot, winding his way through flying ash and debris – and looking better than I’ll look on my best day.  ABC then cut to David Muir, overhead in a helicopter knee-to-knee with a hot fireman, and talking via remote to a cumly civilian named Jakob Brown (see him on BillyMasters.com).  Say what you will about Mrs. Muir, it takes a special kinda newsman to incorporate the famous corset scene from Gone with the Wind into coverage of a disaster.  That’s Hollywood!

Lots of folks are stepping up.  People have opened up their homes to those displaced.  Small and large businesses alike are providing goods and services to those in need.  They’re even helping orphaned animals.  Then there’s the Guitar Center.  “Did you lose musical instruments in the L.A. Fires?  Fill out our request form to get your equipment replaced at zero cost.”  It may seem insignificant to people, but it’s a great gesture.  Naturally, there’s a long history of fires and music going hand in hand.  After all, Emperor Nero allegedly fiddled while Rome burned!

Our first Ask Billy question of the year comes from Ray in Seattle.  “What do you know about Denali Foxx?  I just saw some pics he posted online and couldn’t get over his really hot body.  Has he ever done porn?”

I’m always glad to talk about someone I’ve never heard of.  Denali Foxx (aka Denali) was on RuPaul’s Drag Race back in 2021.  Looking online, I see Ray is correct – Denali is quite buff.  Not a big surprise, because many of the most fetching fellas who wear frocks are in incredible shape.  His birth name is Cordero Matthew Zuckerman, and here’s a fun fact – he’s a double gold medalist in US Figure Skating!  He also worked with Cirque du Soleil, Royal Caribbean Cruises, and SeaWorld – but don’t hold that against him.  Last year he got engaged to longtime beau Alexander.  He posted this: “Six years ago you asked me to dance…and six years later I asked you to marry me on your 30^th”.  I don’t believe they’ve tied the knot…yet.  To answer Ray’s other question, I don’t find any evidence that Denali has done gay porn – but I bet he’d be pretty popular, as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

When we’re kicking off the year talking about Blake Lively, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Here’s yet another fun fact – most drag queens out there are tops!  They’ll fuck you with their pumps on (don’t ask me how I know).  More bits of my sage wisdom can be found on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that certainly ain’t botched.  New year, new questions.  Send them along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Lindsay Wagner makes another movie!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Wendy Williams rang out the new year by landing back in the news.  On the positive side, she was celebrating her son Kevin’s college graduation in Miami.  Paparazzi spotted her outside a restaurant on a scooter – yes, a scooter.  She was overheard yelling to someone, “And then both of you walked away leaving my shit in the street?  Just get the car, please – and make sure it’s the right car!”  When asked if everything was OK, she explained that her caretakers called the wrong car.  While they went to find the right car, they left her scooter unattended and she was not having it.  “This cost a fucking mint, and they just left my shit out here.”  At least she sounds feisty.

It’s only the first week of January and we’ve already got a story that we’re filing under Strange But True – and, no, it’s not about Blake Lively!  This is about someone I hold in almost equal esteem – Keanu Reeves.  Sidebar: a few months ago, I told you that he’s reuniting with his Bill and Ted co-star, Alex Winter, for a Broadway revival of Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett.  Didya know that production will be staged by Jamie Lloyd, who directed the hit revival of Sunset Blvd?  And, no, none of this has anything to do with the current story.  Last year, Keanu’s LA home was burgled.  Fast forward to final days of 2024, and police in Santiago, Chile seized loads of stolen property.  And what do they find?  A Rolex inscribed, “Keanu Thank you JW4 2021”.  It was a thank you gift he received at the wrap party of one of those John Wick movies that I’ve never seen.

Before we filed this column, I saw this headline: “Josh Duhamel, Dylan Sprouse & Til Schweiger To Topline Action Thriller The Neglected”.  OMG, have I fallen into a time warp?  Is it 1995 all over again???

Just before 2024 closed, a couple of deaths crept in.  The first was the beloved Linda Lavin, who died on December 29^th.  Her representative stated, Linda passed “unexpectedly due to complications from recently discovered lung cancer”.  Days earlier, she wrapped filming on the seventh episode of Mid-Century Modern – a sitcom for Hulu already being called a gay Golden Girls.  It concerns three gay men who live together in Palm Springs, one of whom (Nathan Lane) is accompanied by his mother (Linda Lavin).  When Linda learned of her diagnosis, we hear she told producers she wanted “everything out there on the show”.  There are already plans to write her character’s passing into the penultimate episode of the first season.  What will happen during season two?  Stay tuned.

Hours before midnight, Jocelyn Wildenstein died on New Year’s Eve.  Affectionately known as The Catwoman, Jocelyn was the face of bad plastic surgery – the epitome of the word “botched”.  She was also a very wealthy lady, receiving a $2.5 billion divorce settlement and alimony of roughly $100 million per year!  Her longtime companion, Lloyd Klein, said she died while taking a nap prior to heading out for the festivities – “just to look good before getting dressed”.  How’d that work out?  By the by, the 84 year-old never admitted to any of her “procedures”.  

Believe me when I say this next story shocks me.  I can’t believe it, but I have to kick off the New Year talking about Blake Lively.  But I was intrigued when I saw there were claims of sexual harassment.  How disappointing to find out that in the marriage of Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds, the one being sexually harassed is…BLAKE!  It’s a world gone loco.  She filed a suit against Justin Baldoni, co-star and director of It Ends With Us (he’s quite a looker, too).  He claims that his countersuit will “shock everyone”.  I don’t know how many shocks I can take – I’m already shocked I’m writing about Blake Lively!  In Baldoni’s $250 million suit against The New York Times, he talks about a meeting with Lively and Reynolds.  Allegedly Ryan “aggressively berated Baldoni during a meeting at their penthouse in New York, accusing him of ‘fat shaming’ Lively.”  Justin says it wasn’t “fat shaming”.  He says he simply asked how much Miss Lively weighed before a scene where he had to pick her up.  Why?  Baldoni has chronic back issues and wanted “to ensure he could safely perform the lift without injury.”  Calm down, Justin.  You’re lifting Blake Lively – not Chrissy Metz (and that’s not fat shaming – that’s just physics).

“If any young people are watching, at a certain point in your
life, you will become the people you used to make fun of. 
And that’s what we’ve become.”
– Anderson Cooper during his New Year’s Eve telecast with Andy Cohen.

I dunno how it took 29 years of columns and scores of Hallmark movies for me to finally recognize the truth in something I’ve said for years – you CAN’T have it all.  People tell you that you can, but let me tell you the first truth of the New Year.  Life is full of hard choices.  If you really want one thing, you must miss out on something else.  If you want to lie on the beach, you cannot be in Antarctica.  Take it from me…and Lacey Chabert.

Let’s make that my New Year’s resolution – to tell you the absolute truth…as often as humanly possible.  So here’s one – for the first time in decades, I did not ring in the New Year with a Lindsay Wagner movie.  That’s because Miss Wagner didn’t make a movie this year.  I ran into this problem last year, when I reached out to the producer of When Jack Came Back – a film that hadn’t yet come out (it can now be seen on Tubi).  I was one of the first people who got to see Lindsay playing a mother with Alzheimer’s.  How many of her dozens of fans around the world can say that?

Speaking of ailing parents, the news is not good from Casa Masters.  It started a few months ago with Big Daddy.  Now Big Mama is laid up.  And you know who picks up the slack…among other things?  Yours truly.  You know what a crimp this puts into my sex life?  “What’s that beeping?  That’s just Mama’s life support, baby.  Does it turn you on?  No, that steady noise doesn’t mean anything!”  It’s been hell!  I certainly don’t begrudge them the care and attention they deserve.  And I certainly don’t wish them ill.  But lately I’m starting to envy Conan O’Brien.

Patti LuPone hosted a swanky New Year’s Eve shindig with a number of queer (and queer-adjacent) guests.  Folk like Randy Rainbow, Cole Escola, and…wait a minute – was that Nicole Scherzinger?  Yes, the former Norma Desmond and the current Norma Desmond joined forces for a spirited rendition of “Auld Lang Syne” – complete with at least two-and-a-half part harmony.  That they didn’t duet on “The Perfect Year” is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity lost forever.  At least they toasted each other with Norma’s last line from act one of Sunset Blvd – which you can see on BillyMasters.com.  BTW, after their duties on CNN, both Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen slipped into the soirée – at least I think it was a soirée they slipped into.

By the by, Patti is everywhere.  After enjoying a scenery-chewing role on Agatha All Along, we hear La LuPone will be featured on several episodes of And Just Like That… – whenever that long-awaited third season drops.

When Jenifer Lewis plummeted from her Tanzania balcony into the Serengeti, it was touch and go – and I’m not just talking about the cape buffalo that threatened to compromise her!  Her life-threatening injuries led to a miraculous comeback, punctuated with an appearance on The Masked Singer as CleoCatra.  After singing in Spellbound, she went to Disney World to open Tiana’s Bayou Adventure – based on The Princess and the Frog.  When the VIP premiere of the ride came to a screeching halt, did she panic?  Nope.  She launched into an a capella version of her song from the flick, “Dig a Little Deeper”, which you can see on BillyMasters.com.

I was delighted to hear the news that my pals Sherri Shepherd and Fran Drescher will be getting stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 2025.  Sometimes good things happen to good people.

The death of reclusive Richard Simmons shocked me – especially since Pauly Shore planned to star in a biopic.  Perhaps Simmons’ last words were “over my dead body”!  Gay baseball star Billy Bean, Madonna’s brother Christopher Ciccone, Mitzi Gaynor, Teri Garr, Gavin Creel and Ken Paige were a few others that will be missed.

What’s a year without Fayewatch?  Miss Dunaway was back – the hit of all of Europe and Cannes – with Faye, a documentary about…well, her!  Lots of acclaim, a few awards, and then…nothing.  Well, not exactly nothing.  She got a small role in the film Fate starring Andrew McCarthy and Harvey Keitel.  So, it’s nothing-adjacent!

When Justin’s getting off with a slap on the wrist, it’s time to end another year of columns.  I never thought Justin and I would have something in common – although the slaps that get me off are elsewhere on my anatomy.  This is only a smattering of what you’ll find on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that has delivered day in and day out for close to 30 years.  If you have a question, dash it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before freedom of speech is abolished.  So, until next year, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Another Drake also made news when the singer was seen pleasuring himself on the bed in his private jet!

Proving anyone can have a comeback, Nick Gruber was back in the news by turning up ON the (local) news!  Calvin Klein’s ex resurfaced, demanding his former landlords return his property, purloined prior to a period in the pokey.  Alas, they claim to have donated his discarded wares to the Mormon Church.  The good news?  He’s single.

Shake-ups on shows – particularly reality shows – are common.  But will we ever find out if Bobby Berk quit or was fired from Queer Eye?  And will the hiring of the lovely Jeremiah Brent be embraced?  Don’t touch that dial.

Jonathan Groff made tongues wag with the first same-sex kiss for Doctor Who.  Groff topped that with a Tony win for Merrily We Roll Along.  Next year, he returns to Broadway in a new musical about Bobby Darin.

Turning to the little show that could, Cole Escola’s Oh, Mary! (punctuated like Hello, Dolly!) went from an off-Broadway cult sensation to the hottest ticket on Broadway.  I predicted the transfer wouldn’t work – and I was wrong.  I also predicted that replacing Cole with Betty Gilpin would kill the show.  Well, I’ve been wrong before.

Shawn Mendes took to the stage at Red Rocks to perform a new song, “The Mountain”, and discuss his oft-rumored-about sexuality.  “The real truth about my life and sexuality is that, man, I’m just figuring it out like everyone else.  I don’t really know sometimes, and I know other times…I’m trying to be really brave and allow myself to be a human and feel things.  And that’s all I really want to say about that for now.”  To be continued…

Schadenfreude is taking pleasure at someone’s misfortune.  I may not speak German, but I knew I had loads of material when Justin Timberlake was arrested on suspicion of DUI early on a June morning.  Then we saw his mug shot.  Damn, he even looked good in that!  That he got off with a slap on the wrist was no surprise.  Still, I was more than a bit tickled when I learned that the arresting officer had no clue who he was!

Speaking of hot guys, the Paris Olympics provided scads of scantily clad studs.  Naturellement, the French stole the show.  Synchro divers Jules Bouyer and Alexis Jandard posted the most provocative photos from the shower with the caption “Welcome to @Paris2024”.  They were bested by France’s premier vaulter Anthony Ammirati, whose ponderous package pushed his pole too close to the crossbar.  He walked away with a $250K offer to do porn.

Gay porn stud Austin Wolf made headlines when the feds raided his house and arrested him for sending and receiving child porn images and videos.  His preliminary hearing keeps getting delayed.  When setting the fifth date of December 27^th, Judge Barbara Moses said the extension “best serves the ends of justice and outweighs the best interest of the public and the defendant in a speedy trial.”  His judge is a woman?  He’s fucked.  It will come as no surprise that on December 27th, the Government requested yet a further continuance of 30 days.  The defendant agreed.  The judge agreed.  The latest new trial date (the sixth) is January 27, 2025.  

TV documentaries were the catalyst for several scandals.  Lifetime’s Where is Wendy Williams? may not have surprised us, but it was still shocking.  Despite her health issues, she was out in August shopping for holistic aids.

The Netflix doc White Hot: The Rise & Fall of Abercrombie & Fitch focused on tawdry activity by CEO Mike Jeffries.  The year ended with him in a Palm Beach courtroom facing sex trafficking charges.  But is he mentally competent?  I think so, but paperwork has been filed and there is a February 6^th deadline for medical evaluation.

UK’s Channel 4 ran Spacey Unmasked which focused on Kevin’s alleged victims.  Then a funny thing happened – Spacey fought back.  Sure, he’s defended himself in court.  But now he sat with Piers Morgan for a full 90 minutes…and even admitted to being “handsy”!  Since then, many stars spoke up on his behalf.  People like Sharon Stone, F. Murray Abraham and Liam Neeson publicly called for him to have a second chance.  Will it happen?

There’s not much more to say about those poor, misunderstood Menéndez brothers.  Between a docudrama and a documentary, public support was on their side – as was most of their surviving family.  But an election that ousted sympathetic LA DA George Gascón and installed incoming DA Nathan Hochman could thwart any hope the boys had.  As the year drew to a close, Lyle’s wife Rebecca filed for divorce!  You know – just in case he gets out.

The lurid documentary Quiet on Set: The Dark Side of Kids TV enumerated the many misdeeds against child actors.  While most of the claims were decades old, they nonetheless provoked strong feelings and shock.  Plus, how can you ignore any show that makes a star of Drake Bell – who, I dare say, looked quite fetching.

“So today is Anal Sex Day.  If you’re into it, great, if not,
don’t feel pressured.  But if you were thinking about it,
I guess today is as good a day as any.”
– Dr. Ruth Westheimer Tweets her thoughts on April 18, 2024. 
She died three months later, forever remembered for promoting (safe) anal sex!

Time for our 29^th installment of the Year in Review.  The person I will remember most this year is Shannen Doherty.  In 2024, she reclaimed her power and spoke her truth.  True, she didn’t beat cancer, but she bravely faced it head-on.  Her podcast, Let’s Be Clear, became a living autobiography.  She and Holly Marie Combs explained what went down on Charmed from their perspective, she reunited with some 90210 co-stars, and talked with many loved ones.  She even planned her own memorial.  “There’s a lot of people that I think would show up that I don’t want there… So I kinda want to take the pressure off them and I want my funeral to be like a love fest.  I don’t want people to be crying or people to privately be like, ‘Thank God that bitch is dead now.’”

It was also the Year of Cher.  Sure, it ended with an induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame and acclaim for part one of her autobiography.  But it began with her trying to control/save her son, Elijah Blue Allman.  Depending who you ask, Cher may have had him abducted from a NYC hotel room and put into an undisclosed rehab – while trying to become his conservator.  But then, Elijah dramatically appeared in court with on-again/off-again wife Mariangela!  After months of battling, Cher dropped her legal challenges.  After all, she had that book to promote.

Nicole Scherzinger kicked off the year wowing London audiences by starring in a radical revival of Sunset Blvd.  She repeated that feat on Broadway, a triumph which was short-lived.  She inadvertently alienated some fans with a social media post that was interpreted as pro-MAGA.  Will Patti LuPone’s effusive endorsement help, or has Nicole already lost the Tony Award 6 months before nominations?  With Audra in the race, it probably doesn’t matter.

One minute we’re told Celine Dion is at death’s doorstep, the next thing you know she’s onstage at the Grammys.  Then she’s singing at the Olympics.  And then at a fashion show.  Whether it was live or Memorex didn’t matter.  The fact that she walked out there unassisted was a victory.

The death of reclusive Richard Simmons shocked me – especially since Pauly Shore planned to star in a biopic.  Perhaps Simmons’ last words were “over my dead body”!  Gay baseball star Billy Bean, Madonna’s brother Christopher Ciccone, Mitzi Gaynor, Teri Garr, Gavin Creel and Ken Page were a few others that will be missed.

Last year, one of the most popular gifts we suggested was Tom Daley’s knitting kit.  Yes, you too could learn how to make a “cock cozy” with your very own hands – although, frankly, I preferred real hands keeping my cock cozy.  As with so many other hot men who have charged for their services, Tom is now giving his away.  And he’s giving them away on the public airways!  “You know me.  I love a bit of competition.  But lately, it’s been less about the pool, and more about the…wool.  So I’m super excited to announce that I’m going to be hosting a brand new knitting competition show.”  Did I miss an “old knitting competition show”?  Well, Tom’s venture will be called (wait for it) – Game of Wool.  Doesn’t that make you all a-quiver?  Or, at the very least, itchy?  A competitive knitting show?  What could be more scintillating?  C-SPAN springs to mind.  The eight-episode run will focus on amateurs creating numerous objets d’art.  It will air on UK’s Channel 4, but I’m sure you’ll be able to find it on YouTube eventually.  

And now, the final installment of Billy’s Holiday Gift Giving Suggestions.  We saved this one for last because you can’t get it yet.  Sexy Matteo Lane is not only a talented comedian, he’s also a good cook with a rockin’ ass (FYI, my computer autocorrected this to “he’s also a good cock”).  He has a new book coming out on April 1^st.  Your Pasta Sucks: A ‘Cookbook’, has a cover featuring Matteo bending over a pot of pasta in an apron, some undies, and a smile.  Well, he’s smiling because it’s his pasta.  You’ll smile because…well, ‘cause he’s bending over!  In fact, the bottom of the photo has this phrase: “Flip Me Over”.  Gladly.  People tell me the book is terrific – with hysterical anecdotes and some actual recipes.  You can pre-order it on Amazon.”

In our final Ask Billy question of 2024, Roger in Chicago asks, “What can you tell me about Jermelle Simon?  His character on The Upshaws is gay.  What about him?  He’s so funny…and hawt!”

Jermelle may have had a hand in his character coming out – something that happened in 2023.  He was not out at the time, but he changed that on October 11, 2024 – National Coming Out Day.  “I have decided that I am enough, and I want to thank everyone who has helped me to get to that place where I feel seen, where I feel like I belong, where I feel loved.  Thank you for providing a space where I can come on the internet and say, ‘I am a Black gay man.’”  Actually, he’s a hot Black gay man – and we’ll prove it with some sizzling snaps on BillyMasters.com.

When we’re cooking up more hot gay men, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  And that got me thinking – people come out each and every day.  Yet, the ones people always ask me about are the hot ones.  Why doesn’t anyone write in a question about some fatty who likes men?  While I ponder pounding that, let’s slip in one last-minute gift suggestion.  I bet anyone reading this would probably enjoy a membership to www.BillyMasters.com – the site that makes a perfect stocking stuffer.  In fact, I’m willing to personally do that for you – regardless of girth.  Just send a note with an address along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to cum down your chimney before the New Year!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

I may not have seen the revival of Sunset Blvd on Broadway (yet), but heaven knows I’ve written about it enough.  However, Patti LuPone did see it and just weighed in.  I guess she was curious.  After all, she did originate the role of Norma Desmond onstage.  And certainly she’s conflicted about the show (aside from that whole Glenn Close thing).  What did she think?  “I went in with trepidation because I have strong feelings about ‘the show’ – not what happened to me in the show, but ‘the show’ – period.  I loved this production!  I thought Nicole [Scherzinger] and Tom [Francis] were stunning.  I thought Nicole was unbelievable – she broke my heart.  She is a force!  I thought the cast was fantastic.  The lighting, the use of the filming was something that I questioned because I don’t know where I am – am I in a movie or I’m at the theatre?  This worked brilliantly.  The whole thing.  The WHOLE thing.  I was energized when I left the theatre.  I love it!”  Put that on the side of a bus!

Wicked is everywhere for the holiday, and that isn’t making everybody happy.  One Million Moms is campaigning against the film for subliminal gay content.  It all started when Ariana Grande said, “Glinda might be a little in the closet.  You never know.  Give it a little more time.”  Original Broadway Glinda Kristin Chenoweth said, “I thought so too way back when…”  This queer chatter got the Moms’ panties in a collective knot.  Krissy wasn’t having it, and issued the following statement: “Everyone knows that the ‘one million Moms’ are a mere few hundred.  Maybe.  It’s called entertainment.  Artistry.  I am a Christian woman [who] originated the role of Glinda and all the silliness that these women spew out of hate.  No no no.  I can’t help it: I try to love ‘em anyways.  For they don’t get it.  For anyone who wants to see girl power, then go [see] WICKED.  Onstage or in a movie theater.”

I previously told you that Bob Mackie was auctioning off a number of his creations.  Well, Miley Cyrus made sure that her favorite frock didn’t end up on the auction block.  She wore a Mackie original at the most recent Grammys, and she wanted that dress…bad!  She contacted Bob and made a deal, with the profits going to MusiCares.  “As the designer of this dress, I couldn’t imagine it on anyone else.  That girl was born to perform!” said Mackie.

The day after the Mackie sale, property belonging to Olivia Newton-John hit Julien’s Auctions.  I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, but Livvy’s leather jacket from Grease went for just under half a million dollars!

A new version of the TV series Prison Break has gotten the green light from Hulu.  While this is not technically a reboot, you may see a few familiar faces since it takes place “within the same universe”.  Both Wentworth Miller and Dominic Purcell (the hot brothers at the center of the original series) have said they will not participate.

Nobody is safe from the homeless crisis, and that includes the venerable Sesame Street.  No, they’re not introducing a displaced family.  But the show itself will soon be homeless!  Since 2016, HBO has been producing new episodes of the beloved classic.  Their 10-year agreement is up soon, and HBO has opted to not renew.  While that leaves new episodes up in the air, Max will continue to be the repository of the library until 2027.

Speaking of shows geared to kids of all ages, Disney pulled the old switcheroo for Pixar’s Win or Lose.  The streaming series debuts on Disney+ in February, but it’ll be a bit different than planned.  It’s still about a co-ed middle school.  The later episodes were supposed to include a very minor transgender storyline.  How minor?  So minor it’s now been cut.  Disney said, “When it comes to animated content for a younger audience, we recognize that many parents would prefer to discuss certain subjects with their children on their own terms and timeline.”

I definitely didn’t miss the reunion of Hairspray ladies Marissa Jaret Winokur, Laura Bell Bundy and Kerry Butler.  No, I didn’t see Mama, I’m a Big Girl Now off-Broadway, but I saw it pre-NYC at The Wallis in Beverly Hills.  I’m told that the New World Stages run was a smash with most shows sold out.  Being in the Big Apple, many Hairspray friends and family dropped in – like creators Marc Shaiman and Scott Wittman, Andrew Rannells, Ross Mathews, Jonathan Groff, and even original Link, Matthew Morrison – who joined the gals for “I Can Hear the Bells”.  It’s a great moment, which you can see on BillyMasters.com.

“Jesus Forgives.  Santa holds a grudge.”
– Sara Haines’ quip on The View when Sunny Hostin
argued it was wrong to use Santa to blackmail children to behave.

With the year swiftly coming to an end, we come to our last column before Christmas.  Next week, we review the best of 2024.  So I thought this week we’d update some recent stories.  Let’s start with one of my favorite people, Belinda Carlisle.  In 2014, she co-founded Animal People Alliance (APA), taking care of displaced animals in Asia.  Since 2021, she’s hosted a holiday party at The Abbey in West Hollywood as a major fundraiser.  Every year, I swear I’ll go – and every year, I’m already back east with the family.  This year was no different, so I missed out on the fabulous festivities that brought in about $186K.  It was hosted by Sandra Bernhard and performers included Taylor Dayne and Michelle Visage (in addition to Carlisle herself).  Congrats!

By the by, Belinda’s son, James Duke Mason, recently went to the swanky soirée of stylist René Horsch.  Dukey posted one photo that caught my eye – with Dame Joan Collins.  What’s interesting about that is before marrying Belinda, Duke’s dad Morgan Mason dated Dame Joan!  One doesn’t think of Carlisle and Collins in the same category, so I’m not sure Morgan has what I’d call a “type”…aside from gay icons!

Everyone’s been waiting with bated breath to see what Armie Hammer’s next move will be on the comeback trail.  Who would have ever thought he’d be playing a cannibal?  He appears in singer Georgie Leahy’s new music video for “Typical Squeeze” playing Kannibal Ken.  Well, Hammer does look like a Ken doll come to life (no offense to either of the Ryans), but still…

Dolls are always popular gifts for the holidays.  So in our latest installment of Billy’s Holiday Gift Giving Suggestions, we are delighted to feature a special Barbie – this one featuring a red-hot Rita Moreno in a replica of what she wore to the 1962 Oscars (where she won).  The spitfire, who just celebrated her 93^rd birthday, is in a black and gold gown, opera gloves, and an up-do.  This is the perfect gift for the special someone who loves his legendary ladies…or is a Barbie devotee.  Pick it up at Amazon for a cool $40 – with guaranteed delivery by Christmas (which probably includes Kwanzaa, Chanukah, the Winter Solstice, and any of those other holidays that include dancing naked around some rocks).

Say you have someone in your life who is a bit saucier.  What about one of those dolls inspired by the movie-musical version of Wicked?  And it’s worth extra if it lists the Wicked.com website, directing tykes to a straight porn site that I wouldn’t be caught dead frequenting.  This is a gift selection that is also ripped from the headlines.  Holly Ricketson from Edgefield County, South Carolina is suing Mattel because her little girl went to the site and is scarred for life.  While I kinda suspect this is the least scarring thing that has happened to the younger Ricketson, I can appreciate her mom’s litigious ingenuity.  While perhaps not germane to this story, there is a Holly Rebecca Ricketson from North Augusta, South Carolina who was arrested in 2017 for disorderly conduct.  This whole suit sounds like a case that could have been encouraged by a lawyer who might advertise on Fox and Friend.  

Once again, a perfect segue to our Ask Billy question.  Marcus in Dallas asks, “Why did Jonathan Bailey need a body double in Wicked?  And what do you know about this insanely hot guy?”

Sexy Tom Mather isn’t a body double like someone filling in for Bailey’s ass (hmm).  He’s actually an acclaimed dancer who has strutted his stuff on stage and screen.  But, yes, he’s an undeniable looker – both in clothes and out.  His torso has one of those ripped, smooth 8-packs that straight porn boys would kill for and most gay men seem to have naturally.  Not that I’m implying I know anything about Mather’s sexuality – not that it mathers (see what I did there?).  I’m told he did some of Fiyero’s more difficult dance moves – which he probably had some familiarity with since he appeared in the London production of Wicked.  He can currently be seen in Moulin Rouge! in the West End and has previously been the lead in Nutcracker (insert your own joke).  The next best thing to seeing him in person is checking out the loads of luscious snaps – in and out of his Fiyero boots – on BillyMasters.com.

When we’re dreaming of a nutcracker in thigh-high boots, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  You put him in Rita’s opera gloves and you definitely have a look to remember.  While visions of nuts cracking dance in my head, you can check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that doesn’t care where you pee – or if you film it, for that matter.  And if you need a question answered, I am delighted to be there whenever you need me – day, night, wee small hours, perhaps sharing an after-dinner drink in front of a blazing fireplace.  If you have something like that in mind, drop a note to me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Armie replaces Cathy Moriarty in I’ll Eat You Last – which I bet is quite a compliment from Kannibal Ken!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Comedian Rob Schneider claims he is launching an “all-ladies talk show” that will offer an alternative to The View.  “It will be the opposite because this will be entertaining.  It’ll be funny.”  Darling, it’s been done – it’s called The Talk, and it goes off the air on December 20^th due to low ratings!  Schneider is producing the effort with his company, No Apologies Media, and made the announcement on FOX News.  He didn’t report many particulars.  When it came to hosts, he said, “It’s household names, and you’re going to love it.”  That remains to be seen.  Oh, he did bring up potential names for the show: Lip Service or The Other View.  How original!

In a related story, my dear Darlene Love announced that she is returning to late night to perform her perennial holiday classic, “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)”.  As you know, Love sang the song on The Late Show with David Letterman for 28 consecutive years.  When Dave went off the air, she began appearing on The View – that lasted for nine years.  Apparently The View is going in another direction – which is odd since their executive producer, Brian Teta (who may be a cousin of mine), worked for Letterman!  Enter Jimmy Fallon, who appeared with Darlene once on The View.  He picked up the gauntlet and asked her to sing the song on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon along with Stevie Van Zandt’s band on December 18^th.  Fun fact – Little Stevie and his band played with Darlene last year on The View!  Anyhoo, congrats.

Barry Manilow just got the best holiday gift of all.  The founder and executive chairman of the Westgate Las Vegas Resort & Casino announced Barry has a “Lifetime Residency” at their showroom.  In case you don’t know, the Westgate opened in 1969 as The International.  The showroom where Barry is playing opened with a young gal named Barbra Streisand.  Miss Peggy Lee was performing in the lounge.  So Manilow is in good company – unless Babs wants to make another comeback, and then I suspect he’s history!

Cheyenne Jackson just finished a run of the musical La Cage aux Folles at the Pasadena Playhouse.  He revealed that the set, designed by Tony-winner David Zinn, had a special feature – one of the walls was covered with photos of queer icons.  “Some are still with us, some have passed.  He kindly placed my two beloved besties Leslie Jordan and Gavin Creel right next to me because I do most of my scenes stage right.  I’m so grateful to him for his love, sensitivity, and artistry.”

If you’re anywhere near Palm Springs, I urge you to check out the fantastic Cathy Moriarty, who is appearing in I’ll Eat You Last at The Bent, an LGBTQ theatre company.  In it, she plays legendary agent Sue Mengers – a role Bette Midler played on Broadway.  The show runs through December 22^nd, and you can get tix at TheBent.org.

We know people love a bad boy.  But what about a killer?  Many of my fans (among others) are quite taken with Luigi Mangione – the alleged killer of the CEO of United Healthcare.  He’s certainly a strapping young man, with eyebrows not unlike our own Jonathan Bennett and an 8-pack that cannot be achieved with any medication (trust me – I’ve researched it).  Rather than discuss anything about this case which you can read all over the media, I’m going to share a story with a healthy dose of skepticism.  John Pallotta is a respected acting teacher – at least that’s what people tell me.  A few years back, he claims that a young man named Alex Correra came to his NYC acting class.  Here is how he describes him: “He was a violent kid who scared people in class with his sociopathic behavior”.  In fact, Pallotta says Correra called him on the phone.  “He confessed to killing someone and thought an acting class would help him.  Then he fessed up and told me he was only kidding”.  Last week, he recognized “Correra” as Luigi Mangione.  He contacted the police and told them this: “What I remember most of all is how he only wanted to play ‘killers’ in class”.  He remembered he had a video scene “Correra” did, and provided it to the authorities.  Is any of this true?  Or did Pallotta simply doze off watching the first season of Barry?

“I don’t want to get into the bathroom issue.  Because it’s a very small
number of people we’re talking about, and it’s ripped apart our country,
so they’ll have to settle whatever the law finally agrees.” –   
Donald Trump addresses the trans bathroom issue.  Which begs the question –
if it’s a very small number of people, how is it ripping apart our country?

Last week, US Capitol Police arrested a man after a complaint by Representative Nancy Mace.  She took to X (as one does after being attacked) and wrote this: “I was physically accosted at the Capitol tonight by a pro-tr*ns man.”  Typically an asterisk in a word is to avoid typing a swear or some blasphemous utterance.  I’m not sure the word “trans” really falls under that category.  Mace has led the charge to ban trans people from restrooms designated for their current gender, saying the spaces should be limited to people of a particular biological birth gender.  I do agree with one thing – nobody should be physically assaulted.  Mace claims she has injuries: “one new brace for my wrist and some ice for my arm”.  She said, “All the violence and threats keep proving our point.”  Only if they happened in a bathroom, says moi.

And now, time for more of Billy’s Holiday Gift Giving Suggestions.  One of the first things I buy every year is the annual celebrity ornament from Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS.  This year’s diva is Betty Buckley, in her classic Grizabella guise.  It could also be considered an homage to the homeless situation in Los Angeles – I love a socially conscious gift that also celebrates a Broadway belter!  You can order it at BroadwayCares.org.

Because we’re all about balance, my calendar suggestion this week comes from the hot British diver Jack Laugher.  You thought I was gonna mention another name, but it can’t all be about Tom Daley and his needlework!   And, sure, Laugher ain’t gay – but since when did that stop us from appreciating the male physique?  This is Jack’s third calendar (who knew?) and the photos are really quite spectacular. Check out all his wares at JackLaugherStore.com.

When Laugher is the best medicine, it’s time for me to catch a cold and end of yet another column.  As always, you can get the freshest dish on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that doesn’t cry over melted ice cream.  We didn’t have time for an “Ask Billy” question, but can always get my attention by dropping me a note.  Dash it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Trump books The Village People to lead “Y.M.C.A.” at the inauguration.  Ah, if only Mike Pence were still around…he’d hang himself!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Every once in a while, someone asks me what T.R. Knight is doing.  I’m glad to finally have an answer.  He’ll be on Broadway in Stranger Things: The First Shadow.  It’s kind of a prequel to the Netflix series – which means if you’re a newbie, you still can follow along.  Phew!  Previews kick off on March 28^th at the Marquis Theatre.

I have no idea who Betty Gilpin is.  She may be a mighty fine actress.  But the idea of a woman – any woman – taking the lead in Broadway’s Oh, Mary! when Cole Escola leaves the role on January 21^st sounds like a death knell for the sensation.  I am reminded of Ally Sheedy playing Hedwig during the initial off-Broadway run of the Angry Inch.  Nothing against Miss Sheedy, but that was a mistake (I suspect had Sandra Bernhard done it – as she was rumored to – it might have worked).  So catch Mary sooner rather than later!

In other queer casting news, we hear that the latest Emcee in the West End production of Cabaret will be…Billy Porter!  He joins the cast on January 28^th and stays until May 24^th.

Elsewhere in the West End, the Elton John musical The Devil Wears Prada opened last week.  I think the opening night can be summed up in one photo – Vanessa Williams (who plays Miranda Priestly), a virtually unrecognizable Donatella Versace, Elton John (wearing sunglasses for obvious reasons) and Anna Wintour (the basis for Priestly – also in sunglasses).  Would that the level of camp in that group photo was reflected in the show.  After a rocky run in Chicago in 2022, Elton John revamped the show for London, and Williams was hired.  The result?   Critics feel it has something to offer.  Alas, terms like “style not substance” and “forgettable songs” also pop up in most reviews, which is never a good sign.  Would I see it?  Absolutely.  Would I plan a trans-Atlantic trip for it?  Probably not.

Emily Blunt (from the flick) addressed rumors of a sequel.  “There’s rumblings, there’s stuff churning around, but I don’t know if I can confirm anything completely…but we would be all delighted to work together again.”

Someone who showed up on the Prada red carpet was the luscious Luke Evans, alongside his equally hunk beau, Fran Tomas.  He recently talked about his insecurities – reminding us that people who seem to have it all also have demons of their own.  “I still sometimes go to the gym and just feel very anxious.  I look at myself in the mirror and just go, ‘You don’t look good enough’ or ‘You’re letting it go’.”  All that tells me is there’s no hope for any of us!

It takes a lot to get me up before noon.  But I left Boston at the crack of dawn to catch a flight to LA in order to see Marilyn Maye at Hollywood’s Catalina Jazz Club.  At 96, one would expect Maye to be in diminished form.  But she seems to have defied the laws of nature, time, and gravity.  She never sat during her 90-minute show (to say nothing of an equally long meet-and-greet post-show).  She even included new numbers that I’ve never heard her sing before!  There was a generous helping of love that went out to the capacity crowd and was gleefully returned.  By the end, she sounded like she could go on singing till the cows came home (to coin a phrase).  It was not only a splendid evening of entertainment, but one that made you feel like you witnessed something truly special.

If some mad scientist wanted to create the perfect Broadway leading man in a lab (this would obviously be a gay mad scientist), he’d create Hugh Panaro.  The talented thespian took the stage at Catalina Jazz two nights after Maye and performed his one-man show, Man Without a Mask (referring to his over 2,000 performances of Phantom).  Aside from his extraordinary vocal abilities and matinee idol good looks, we were treated to a great mix of material from his extensive career – cleverly assembled with his director, Richard Jay-Alexander.  Musical Director Joseph Thalken added to the embarrassment of riches, although nobody seemed particularly embarrassed!  Until you get the chance see them live, some clips of Hugh and Marilyn in action can be found on BillyMasters.com.

One of Panaro’s last songs was a gorgeous rendition of “It Only Takes a Moment” from Hello, Dolly.  I couldn’t help but think of the late Gavin Creel, who sang it in the 2017 revival of Dolly (which earned him a Tony Award).  Last week, the lights of Broadway marquees were dimmed in his honor the day after a weepy audience attended his memorial service at the St. James Theatre.  It ended with the cast of the 2009 revival of Hair joining a pre-recorded Gavin for an emotional “Let the Sunshine In”.  Although the memorial was streamed online, union rules dictated that it be taken down after the live viewing.  So if you missed it…well, need I tell you where to look?

“If Canada can’t survive the tariffs, then maybe Canada should
become the 51^st state and Trudeau can become its governor.” –   
Donald Trump’s response to Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s complaint that tariffs would
“kill the Canadian economy”.  Geez, now we’re gonna have to replace all the flags – to say nothing of learning French.

This week, we enter the Filth2Go Wayback Machine with the assistance of Mr. Peabody to go back to a simpler, happier, gayer time – 1978.  That was the year The Village People released their hit, “Y.M.C.A.”, which boasted about a place where young men could have a good time, get yourself clean, have a good meal, and do whatever you feel.  Lead singer, Victor Willis (the cop), claims there was nothing gay about the song.  In fact, he threatened to sue “each and every news organization” that refers to the song as a “gay anthem”.  Then David Hodo (the construction worker) weighed in: “Just to be clear, there would be no “Y.M.C.A.” song without Jacques Morali” – the legendary gay producer.  “Randy Jones (the cowboy) took him to a Y.M.C.A. and introduced him to several gay porn stars who worked out there.”  Willis struck back.  “Well, well, well, what have we here?  David Hodo comes out of his hole to comment on me and my writing partner Jacques Morali.  First of all David, Jacques hated you and you know it.  So I wouldn’t put much stock in whatever you have to say about me and Jacques.  Therefore, back in your hole before I crush you again, you replacement (non-original) Village People member who has lied for years that you’re an original.”  That sounds awfully prissy coming from someone who is straight.  Yes, Willis has a wife, and we hear is a Republican.  Not surprising, he also defended Trump’s use of the song on the campaign trail: “Trump seems to genuinely like ‘Y.M.C.A.’ and we have grossed several million dollars since the President Elect’s continued use of the song.”  This sounds more about money than about sex – not that the two can’t go together!

Let’s jump forward in time – to 1996, the year JonBenét Ramsey captivated the country.  I must confess, she didn’t captivate me.  But I do have a friend who is convinced the brother did it because of a bowl of ice cream.  It’s now almost 30 years, later and the case is being re-examined on Netflix’s Cold Case.  John Ramsey (the father) says that with DNA technology, “there’s a really good chance we get it solved”.  The family also issued a rendering of what JonBenét would look like today, and she eerily resembles a “waitress” I had at a Hooters in Dubuque, Iowa!

Faithful fans know it’s time for Billy’s Holiday Gift Giving Suggestions.  Literally for decades, I’ve been sharing some of my favorite things that I think would make the perfect gifts.  My advice is free.  But since I’m not on television, I’m not giving anything away.  Because I love a book, I heartily recommend Cher: The Memoir.  Since this is only Part One, this is a practical gift.  Next year, you can give Part Two as a gift (assuming Cher finishes it in time).  And if your special someone isn’t a reader, that’s OK.  Neither is Cher.  Buy the audio book!

I know it’s too early to say this, but I bet our next gift suggestion will be my favorite of the entire year.  I recently told you about a Netflix holiday film called The Merry Gentlemen – about some chick who puts on a male strip show to save her hometown theatre.  None of that is important – all that matters is that you get to see Chad Michael Murray at his physical prime in as little clothing as possible.  What could be better that that?  Getting to do that all year long.  Admittedly, it didn’t do much for Sophia Bush, but it sure perked up my “spirits”.  If your loved one is similarly inclined, get them the first ever Chad Michael Murray Calendar.  My fingers are still singed at how hot the photos are.  I can’t even pick a favorite.  February features a heart on his heart.  But there’s June’s barely-there graduation gown, October’s perfect pumpkins.  And I believe what he does with a turkey baster in November is illegal in four states!  A portion of CMM’s proceeds go to St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital.  Listen to Billy – drop everything and head on over to CMMSignature.shop.  It’s even autographed.  You can thank me later.

And this beautifully leads to our Ask Billy question on a related topic.  Don in Miami writes, “I just watched Hot Frosty.  Who is that guy?  I know I’ve seen him before.  Is he gay?  Does he ever wear clothes??”

First things first – Hot Frosty is also a Netflix holiday film which finds Lacey Chabert bringing a snowman to life with a cell phone.  Really, that’s what happens.  Let’s forget about the fast that he’s an anatomically correct snowman who’d be nude if it weren’t for that damn scarf!  All the better to show off his ripped torso and zero-percent body fat.  Well, what do snowmen eat anyway?  Water?  Carrots?  How many carbs are in coal?  The sexy snowman is played by Dustin Milligan (who is straight and has been with actress Amanda Crew for 14 years), who you probably remember from Schitt’s Creek.  In this flick, his character is creatively called Jack Snowman.  It’s part holiday fantasy, part romcom, and part gay porn.  Yes, I scanned enough to know it requires some intense, private viewing.  Naturally you can see the most salient scenes on BillyMasters.com.

When we’re fantasizing about a snowman, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  I know they say sexuality is fluid, but this is ridiculous!  Still, it does bring up another question – how do you jack a snowman?  I suppose you start with the icicles, carefully cup the snowballs, and always wear your mittens.  You know – safety first.  And that brings up a helpful hint from my colorful past – ChapStick does not make an effective lubricant.  For more tips, check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that promises a smooth ride.  If you have a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Dustin Milligan comes out with his own calendar!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

The holidays are fast approaching, and perhaps you have a someone in your life who is hard…well, aren’t you lucky!  But what if they’re hard to shop for?  Check out the renowned Julien’s Auctions, where a fistful of celebrity wares are going on the block.  Say you’ve got someone a bit long in the tooth who loves old movies.  What about something from the estate of Sir Laurence Olivier and Dame Joan Plowright?  Sure, Dame Joan is still with us – but what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.  Their belongings hit the market on December 10^th at 10AM PT.  The next day, the legendary Bob Mackie is divesting himself of some choice creations made for the likes of Cher, Joan Collins, Diahann Carroll, Carol Burnett, Pink, and oodles of others.  That takes place on December 11^th, also at 10AM PT.  Later that day (at 11AM), there’s a number of assorted items from even BIGGER movie stars.  How big?  How’s about Marilyn Monroe’s bathing suit from Some Like It Hot, Judy Garland’s test dress from The Wizard of Oz, some of Greta Garbo’s undergarments, one of Elizabeth Taylor’s gowns from the kinda thin years, and even the mink coat Liza Minnelli wore to her wedding to David Gest.  I’m told Gest called it his “lucky coat” – because he got lucky on it on numerous occasions.  If only Liza had been in town at the time!

Elton John just went public with some bad news.  “I unfortunately lost my eyesight in my right eye in July because I had an infection in the South of France.  It’s been four months now since I haven’t been able to see.  My left eye is not the greatest…It kind of floored me.  I can’t see anything.  I can’t read anything.  I can’t watch anything.”  Having a father going through this, I have enormous sympathy and send Elton and his family my best.

Timing is everything.  Just when Elton’s losing the ability to see, David Archuleta is showing more and more skin.  Is a puzzlement.  Before he came out, Archie could sing and people swooned.  After coming out, he couldn’t just be a good singer – he had to be a hawt singer.  More than working on his voice, he’s focusing on his body…and his fans are doing the same thing.  If you’re openly gay and single at 33, it is said you need more than a talented throat (although I beg to differ).  He’s been posting lots of photos on social media, and one caught people’s attention.  It was a snap from the gym where he was wearing a tank top.  Makes sense, right?  Except he cropped out his head.  Loads of comments basically boiled down to the same thing: “I think you meant to put this on ur Grindr profile!”

“I feel like the physical act is the least interesting thing.” –   
Daniel Craig’s response to questions about the gay sex scenes in the film Queer. 
You had me, then you lost me, 007.  But I’ll still watch it when it is released on my birthday, February 13^th.

My Thanksgiving weekend kicked off when I ran into Zendaya, who is in Boston shooting a film.  Beau Tom Holland flew in to spend time with his galpal, and who happened to be seated nearby?  Yes, that would be moi – your humble scribe.  I hear Robert Pattinson was also in town, but I didn’t see him.  What can I say?  Two’s company, three’s a crowd, and four’s a story worth writing about!

Alas, those lovely, misunderstood Menendez boys didn’t have much to be thankful for.  Days prior to the holiday, their bid to leave the pokey got delayed – if not completely scuttled.  You’ll recall Los Angeles DA George Gascón said that their verdict should be “reconsidered”, or set aside, or they should be resentenced.  And then, he lost his bid for re-election by a significant margin.  Suddenly, the boys’ hopes for a family Christmas looked less likely.  The judge requested more time to review the new evidence, and the incoming DA Nathan Hochman said he’d also like to weigh in.  Clearly this is not the done deal it once appeared to be.  I guess we’ll find out on January 30^th.

Despite being in prison for the past 35 years, Lyle recently celebrated his 21^st wedding anniversary to wife Rebecca Sneed.  It should be noted that the couple have never shared a conjugal visit…not even a handy under the table!  Now that Lyle’s release is possible, Rebecca did the unexpected – she filed for divorce!  In the understatement of the year, she said the following: “Lyle and I have been separated for a while now but remain best friends and family.”  Uh, have you ever NOT been separated?  This reminded me of something Lyle once said: “This coming November will be my 20^th wedding anniversary.  Learning to be a husband and a partner from inside a prison has been challenging.”  I think someone might wanna look up the definition of “challenging”.  My God, these two are made for each other.  But, it does make one wonder.  Why is Becky bailing now – aside from the obvious?  Perhaps the answer can be found in the curious codicil to her statement: “This is NOT a cheating scandal.”  Hmm…

Gay porn actor Arad Winwin should stick to talking erections rather than elections – especially given his fans’ reaction to his support of Trump!  People came out of the woodwork (or wherever they came from) to chastise him on social media.  Look, I don’t agree with him either, but isn’t he entitled to his opinion?  Wrong as it may be?  Of course, you’re also entitled to no longer be a fan.  Seeing photos of him, I have an opinion that he could star in an all-gay remake of Mother, Jugs & Speed.  You can have your opinion on which role he could play.

This week’s Ask Billy question comes from Daniel in Chicago: “What’s the truth about this Gladiator II same-sex kiss that Denzel’s been talking about?  Will we ever see it?”

During an interview promoting Gladiator II, Denzel Washington said, “I kissed a guy full on the lips, and I think they got chicken.  I guess they weren’t ready for that yet.”  When asked about it on the red carpet, director Ridley Scott contradicted him.  “No, that’s bullshit.  They acted the moment and it never happened.”  At the premiere, Denzel changed his tune.  “They’re making more of it than it was.  I kissed him on his hands and gave him a peck.”  By the by, Denzel’s initial claim was during a video interview with Gayety.  The second one was on the red carpet standing next to wife Pauletta.  I think you can figure it out after watching both interviews on BillyMasters.com.

When a kiss is not always a kiss, we’ve come to the end of yet another column.  I dunno about you, but I now have no interest in seeing either Gladiator flick.  But I would definitely check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that doesn’t beat around the bush.  In fact, we show you the bush, the whole bush, and everything around the bush!  If you want to get to the bottom of anything, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before McBride tinkles in Johnson’s toilet!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

The Elton John–Jake Shears Broadway musical Tammy Faye will close on December 8^th – less than a month after its November 14^th opening.  Curiously, the musical was a major hit in London’s West End where it won multiple awards.  On Broadway, it was universally panned by critics.  What changed?  We’re told the creators tinkered with the show in between the runs.  And let us not forget that Andrew Rannells created the role of Jim Bakker in London, but he was replaced on Broadway by Christian Borle due to a “contract disagreement”.

In far happier news, the reunion of original Hairspray gals Marissa Jaret Winokur, Kerry Butler and Laura Bell Bundy at New World Stages has been extended.  Mama, I’m a Big Girl Now was slated for a one-month off-Broadway run.  It’s been extended a second month and will now close on December 21^st.  The show got a ringing endorsement from Hairspray creators Marc Shaiman and Scott Wittman.  Marc was so ebullient, he posted this: “If you love musicals, friendship, motherhood and outright joy, I can’t encourage you enough to go see this delightful show.  I’m so glad Scott Wittman and I stopped our lawyer from sending them a cease-and-desist order!”

Speaking of shows you shouldn’t miss, there are two I’m flying to see in Los Angeles.  The fantastic Catalina Jazz Club in Hollywood will present the incomparable Marilyn Maye on Tuesday, December 3^rd and Broadway’s own Hugh Panaro on Thursday, December 5^th.  If I could, I’d see Jackie Beat on Friday, December 6^th, but I’m otherwise engaged.  You can get tix at CatalinaJazzClub.com.  See you there!

I am sure many of you remember Rachel Campos – either from The Real World season with Puck and Pedro Zamora (both of whom she was quite close to), or her numerous appearances on The View.  She’s been the perpetual bridesmaid for the so-called “conservative seat”.  She was a favorite to replace my dear Debbie Matenopoulos, losing in the end to Lisa Ling.  She was well-liked enough to come back and fight to replace her, losing out to Elisabeth Hasselbeck (a fellow reality star).  She was even in the mix when Hasselbeck was fired, only to see Meghan McCain nab the spot.  But each time she was on, I enjoyed her immensely – even if I disagreed with most of her views (see how that works?).  What possible relevance could Rachel Campos have today?  Because she is married to Sean Duffy (also a Real World alum), who was a Representative from Wisconsin and has been tapped by the incoming El Presidente to replace Pete Buttigieg as Secretary of Transportation.  What are his qualifications?  I believe during Real World: Boston, he took the subway a few times.

Speaking of reality stars, the original Bachelorette is once again the subject of gossip.  Every few years, people whisper that Trista and Ryan Sutter will divorce.  Even after 21 years of marriage and two kids, nobody believes she found happiness with a hot fireman.  This latest spate of speculation started when Ryan posted something about missing her.  Trista addressed the question head-on.  “People were speculating that I was either having a nervous breakdown, that I was dead, or that Ryan and I were getting a divorce, because he posted something that everyone thought was cryptic?  It wasn’t cryptic.  I was just away and I was filming Special Forces.”  Another mystery solved.  If Shelly Miscavige is also competing, that would solve two mysteries.

Onto Whoopi and the bakery.  In case you don’t know, Whoopi Goldberg wanted to share a special dessert when she celebrated her birthday on The View.  The dessert in question is Charlotte Russe – who I thought was a character on Sex and the City.  Whoopi tried to get it from a certain bakery.  I say “tried” because they said they couldn’t accommodate her order.  “Now, I should tell you, Charlotte Russe has no political leanings, and the place that made these refused to make them for me.  They said that their ovens had gone down, and all kinds of stuff.  But folks went and got them anyway, which is why I’m not telling you who made them.  Perhaps they did not like my politics.”  Or, perhaps at the time of her request, the ovens were actually down.  According to the bakery, that is what happened – and the new order came in after the ovens were fixed.  Is that plausible?  Sure.  It’s also possible they don’t like her politics.  Or maybe they didn’t like Jumpin’ Jack Flash!

“Jimmy, I’m a black woman and a lesbian.
How the hell do you think I’m doing?” –   
Wanda Sykes, to Jimmy Kimmel when he asked her mood since the election.

No sooner had Sarah McBride from Delaware made history as the first openly transgender member of the House of Representatives, than Speaker of the House Mike Johnson flexed his muscles.  Since he has general control of the House facilities, he passed this rule: “All single-sex facilities in the Capitol and House Office Buildings – such as restrooms, changing rooms, and locker rooms – are reserved for individuals of that biological sex.”  In answering accusations of being anti-McBride, he said, “We’re not anti-anyone.  We’re pro-woman,” adding, “We have single-sex facilities for a reason.  Women deserve women’s only spaces.”  How did McBride respond?  She said she would comply with the rule – which then drew even more criticism from the people who wanted her to be the Rosa Parks of the Bidet.  “I am not here to fight about bathrooms.  I’m here to fight for Delawareans…Like all members, I will follow the rules outlined by Speaker Johnson, even if I disagree with them.”

Let me interject my two cents, for whatever it’s worth (perhaps only two cents).  I truly understand people having some issues with trans people – particularly if they don’t know any.  These days, everyone seems to have an issue about something or other.  So, why not just eliminate gender?  Let’s have All-Gender Bathrooms, one gold medal for the Best Gymnast, and one Oscar for Best Performer.  It would solve a whole lotta problems – although I believe in some instances, one biological gender might have the edge over the other.  But, eh, that’s life.