If he really wants to know specifics, he could just talk to Charlie Sheen.  Last week, Sheen revealed that he’s had man-man sex – and he didn’t necessarily dislike it.  “A lot of it was fun,” says Charlie.  Well, at least he’s being honest…to a point.  He claims that most of his gay sex happened while he was high on crack.  “That’s what started it.”  Tail as old as time.  Yes, that’s a Disney, ageist, and a drug joke – call me versatile.  Where did Sheen make these big revelations?  In People magazine, naturally.  And on Good Morning America to Michael Strahan (insert your own joke).  This was in order to help promote his new book, The Book of Sheen, and his Netflix documentary, aka Charlie Sheen.  Since both come out after this column hits the streets, I don’t have a lot of specifics.   But Charlie did reveal that some of his partners were a bit less than honorable.  “It did come with a tremendous amount of extortion” – which I think means he paid for it.  Well, we all pay for it…one way or another.

“I’m not ruling it out.  I’m not saying no,
but I’m also not saying yes.”
– Eric Trump’s response when asked if he would run for president in 2028. 
As if there’s gonna be an election in 2028.

We’re in a time when the inconceivable happens on a daily basis.  And yet, I am still shocked.  I inexplicably found myself watching CNN when I heard the news that the Department of Justice is considering banning transgender people from owning guns.  The excuse for this is the shooting in a Minneapolis church that was allegedly perpetrated by a trans woman.  This made me wonder – exactly how many crazed trans people are shooting people?  Being a stickler for stats, I can tell you – since 1966, the number of mass shootings by trans people is less than one percent.   Admittedly, that number goes up a smidge if you consider people who have been in Jodie Foster movies.  I looked further and found that the mass shootings committed by women are less than four percent.  Seems to me, the solution is to take guns away from men.  But I’m no expert…or casting director.

Days later, I read something even more implausible.  Tucker Carlson (who has a lifetime subscription to BillyMasters.com) accused Pete Buttigieg of secretly being straight!  Yes, he believes Mayor Pete is pretending to be gay to help his political career.  Isn’t that a kick?  Being gay can actually help you win an election – or at least Tucker believes so, and who would argue with him?  Other than Ann Coulter (see the previous item).  So, riddle me this – how would Tucker prove such a thing?  He’d like to sit down with Pete and ask him specific questions about his sex life.  How kinky!  “I’ve always wanted to interview him.  He’s never agreed to an interview, but I’m gonna ask him like some very specific questions about gay sex and see if he can even answer.  I doubt he even knows.”  Which begs the question – how much does Tucker know?  Oh, that nasty boy.

A scurrilous rumor was circulating that Becks Motor Lodge in San Francisco was poised to sell.  Not true.  The landmark establishment in the middle of the Castro neighborhood opened its doors in 1958 and ever since has serviced our community (to say nothing of truckers, who frequented the parking lot).  It’s still a family business. When contacted, they said, “Thanks for checking with us.  We are alive and well!”

I hate to bring up El Presidente week after week.  But, you know, he’s column-worthy, if not sponge-worthy.  Apropos of the announcement of this year’s Kennedy Center Honorees, along with news that El plans to host the event, a reporter asked if there were any truth to the rumors that he was considering renaming the venue with his own name.  He chuckled and said, “Maybe in a week or so.”  Sometimes a joke ain’t so funny.

I should have predicted this week’s Ask Billy question.  Gary in Miami wrote, “Is it true that Antoni is off the market?  What do you know about his boyfriend?”

What can I say?  Hot guys simply bounce back faster.  They also tend to bounce up and down with enormous enthusiasm…but that’s another story.  As to Antoni Porowski from Queer Eye, he hadn’t been linked with anyone seriously since the implosion of his engagement to Kevin Harrington.  Recently, however, he’s been turning up at events with Zacharias Niedzwiecki, who is described as a “personal trainer”.  What he is training little Antoni to do, I’ll leave to your vivid imagination.  Never underestimate the power of pecs (to say nothing of rock-hard abs).  The duo has even taken the liaison to social media – which means something, according to my tween nieces.  I don’t want to minimize either of their appeal.  It’s entirely possible that they could have looks and other less tangible attributes.  But for now, we’ll let you sample their more visible wares on BillyMasters.com.

When one man’s fuck buddy is another man’s boyfriend (and who hasn’t been there?), we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  I was thinking – Big Daddy lasted to 92.  That means I could be writing this column another…oh, four decades or so (allowing for a generous conversion to gay years).  If that’s the case, you should probably get in on the ground floor of www.BillyMasters.com – the site that encourages bouncing of all kinds.  The more you bounce, the looser my lips get…so to speak.  If you’d like to try ‘em out, drop a note and your questions to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before David Geffen endows a Billy Masters Chair (I always enjoy sharing a chair with a well-endowed man).  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Mike Sorrentino (better known to my fans as The Situation) wrote a memoir.  That’s not even the news, although it’s news to me.  His memoir is being adapted into a documentary – perhaps a multi-part documentary.  I suppose it could be worse – it could become a musical!

In a recent interview, sexy Austin Butler was asked if he would bring Paul Mescal, Barry Keoghan or Saoirse Ronan to a pub.  Austin said, “Barry would be a great time, but I wouldn’t subject him to that.”  He added he previously partied with Mescal.  “We once went to a bar and they shut it down and then they played show tunes.  And Paul and I danced and had a great time.”  One might even call it a gay ol’ time.  Not necessarily me, but one.

A reunion of the cast of Dawson’s Creek is taking place as a charity benefit on Broadway on September 22^nd.  The evening will benefit F Cancer – the brainchild of James Van Der Beek, who has been diagnosed with Stage 3 colorectal cancer.  Joining the Beek will be my bon ami John Wesley Shipp alongside Michelle Williams, Joshua Jackson, Katie Holmes, Mary-Margaret Humes, Mary Beth Peil, Kerr Smith, Busy Philipps and more.  The plan is to do a live reading of the pilot to the series.  But would people come?  Uh, yes, they would.  Tickets for the one-night-only event sold out in 12 minutes!

Elsewhere on Broadway, the producers of Maybe Happy Ending have made the startling announcement that Darren Criss hasn’t actually left the show – despite the statements and press releases to the contrary.  He’s simply taking an “extended vacation”.  He plans to return on November 5^th.  I do hope that all of the crap Andrew Barth Feldman received for not being of Korean descent continues towards Criss, who likewise has not a drop of Korean blood in his DNA.  I hesitate from saying he has no Korean in him – because, you know, a gig’s a gig!

If the politically correct folks out there want to find someone to hate, look no further than Dame Helen Mirren.  The esteemed actress was asked how she felt about there one day being a female James Bond.  “I wish them well.  I’m excited for the next man to come on the stage.  I’m such a feminist, but you can’t have a woman playing James Bond.  It just doesn’t work.  James Bond has to be James Bond, otherwise it becomes something else”.

This got me thinking about my legacy.  Obviously there will be many universities that will teach The Art of Billy Masters.  Young writers will attempt to emulate my indefinable je ne sais quoi (I’ve got a whole lotta quoi to pass on).  I’ll probably take on several fledgling, nubile youths as protégés.  Unlike my many now-defunct colleagues, a strong part of my legacy is my ability to be a fair and unbiased arbiter of news – unless it’s about someone I either slept with or don’t like (often one and the same).  So since we’ve already told you the side of the hooker/porn star that David Geffen married, I feel strongly that we must give the mogul a chance to have his say. 

To remind you, the twosome married in 2023 with no prenup and no children (that we know of).  Donovan Michael (aka Brandon Foster, aka David Armstrong) is requesting spousal support and has filed a lawsuit against Geffen claiming breach of contract.  Answering these charges, Geffen calls the claim “a work of fiction”.  “Plaintiff cannot embarrass Geffen and extort a settlement with petty gossip and salacious lies.”  The retort states that “Geffen loved Plaintiff and treated him with nothing but kindness, respect, and generosity throughout their relationship.”  Geffen freely admits that their initial “encounter” was transactional – $10K for the full night (how presidential of him).  He also claims that Michael used assistants to charge hundreds of thousands of dollars to Geffen’s accounts – although, to be fair, if you’re married to David Geffen, you expect that’s not a big deal.  Geffen adds that in the final months of the marriage, Donovan spent a pretty penny on OnlyFans and paying for male escorts.  Again, I kinda expect that in a Geffen marriage, but you probably have to run it by him first (might I suggest a “play together” clause?).

Before leaping into this next story, I feel compelled to again point out that Kevin Spacey has never been convicted of any crime.  Spacey continues his bid for a return to Hollywood by attending the Venice Film Festival – my favorite of the European festivals (with the exception of the Danish Clogging Festival).  Since no notable acting roles have dropped into Kevin’s lap (so to speak), he’s directing.  Holiguards Saga – The Portal Of Force is termed as a “sci-fi thriller” and Kevin co-stars with Dolph Lundgren and Eric Roberts.  Even more ridiculous, his producers are throwing a “gala” to accompany a screening of the trailer.  Yes, the trailer – not even the film!  They say the event will include “live performances by an opera singer and a Georgian dance ensemble”.  You throw some clogs on them Georgians and I’m there!

“I know just how you feel because I have had these deep,
loving relationships with men in my life,
and all my wives were jealous.”
– Vincent Price’s response when his daughter, Victoria Price,
came out to him as a lesbian. And suddenly, all the pieces fall into place.

Last week, we celebrated the 30^th anniversary of this weekly column.  That works out to over 1,500 columns – each of which had about 1,500 words.  Oh, the symmetry is almost poetic.  I, for one, can’t believe I’ve done the same thing, day in, day out, for 30 years.  One minute you’re celebrated as the voice of several generations, and the next minute, you celebrate something a bit closer to home – the life of Big Daddy Masters.  Yes, at the age of 92, my father passed away after a relatively short illness.  I know popular convention says I should feel sad about this, but all in all, I’m mostly filled with gratitude.  I had a parent who was inexplicably always proud of me – and trust me, that was no small feat.  He didn’t always say it, but I always knew.  With the passage of time and knowing many people who had contentious relationships with their parents, I’m acutely aware of how lucky I was.  Rest in peace.

This week’s Ask Billy question arrived just under the wire.  Randy in Maine said, “What is going on with Lil Nas X?  Tell me this was all a big publicity stunt.”

Famed composer George M. Cohan once said, “I don’t care what the newspapers say about me, as long as they spell my name right.”  Of course, it’s rumored that Georgie was more concerned that they’d write “Cohen” and folks might think he was Jewish.  That’s neither hither nor yon.  Let’s clear up a few things about Nas (real name Montero Hill).  He was not arrested walking around downtown Los Angeles naked.  He was filmed by a driver walking down Ventura Boulevard in Studio City at 4AM on Thursday, August 21^st clad in only white Speedo-style undies and white cowboy boots.  The arrest happened around 6AM – after Nas “charged at officers and was taken into custody”.  He was initially brought to a hospital to be checked out and then was formally charged with “resisting or obstructing an officer”.  Fun fact – this is known as charge 69 (a) of the penal code.  Well, if you’re gonna be guilty of a penal code, 69 is a good place to start.  Unlike arrests of a non-violent nature and eligible for immediate bail, resistance is considered violent.  So Nas was put in Valley Jail in Van Nuys and held until Monday, August 25^th (when this column drops).  Was it a stunt?  Unless the stunt was to see how many dicks he could take in a prison cell, I’m guessing no.  But should you care to see him strut his stuff, check out BillyMasters.com.

When I’m already looking forward to Marilyn Maye’s 100^th birthday, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  Being of a certain age, I had a colonoscopy last week (a younger friend had an incident that reminded me early detection is the best prevention).  I am not only glad to report my clean bill of health, but the post-procedural report indicates that my colon was in the top percentile for cleanliness.  What can I say – practice, practice, practice.  Like Nas, I’ll show you a w/hole lot more on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that is anything but clean.  Should you want to show me your penal (penile) code, send a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Nas does a remake of Sheena Easton’s “Strut”.  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

As I’ve rounded out most summers in the past, I ventured down to Provincetown to see the ageless Marilyn Maye in concert – this time, beyond the confines of a smaller venue and commanding Town Hall.  To call her ageless is actually ridiculous – she’s 97 years old and proud of it.  This marks her 14^th year performing in Ptown (a few years before that, Auntie Marilyn was part of a group I vacationed with).  That she resembles some of the drag queens in town only tickles her: “They used to tell me that people in Ptown only went to see drag queens.  I told them to bill me as a drag queen!”  When many performers get up there in years, reviewer say things like, “She sounds good for her age.”  Make no mistake – Marilyn Maye sounds good for ANY age.  She is suddenly in this refreshed stage of her career, and her Provincetown concert was better than I’ve heard her in over a decade.  She loves performing, and performing has certainly returned the favor and given her a vibrancy that belies her many decades.  This show celebrated her record-holding 76 appearances on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, and I swear I never heard her sing more than half that material.  It was really a special night, and the capacity audience showered her with love – including vigorous rhythmic foot stomping straight out of a Leni Riefenstahl flick!  I found it all quite emotional and told her I was moved to tears.  “I was that bad?” she quipped.  Hardly!  Some highlights were the theme songs to Cabaret and The Way We Were, a medley of “By Myself” and “Being Alive”, and the entire first-act finale to Hello, Dolly!…to say nothing of a kick-ass rendition of “I Will Survive” (most of which can be found on BillyMasters.com).  Bravo to producer Mark Cortale for bringing her to town each and every year.

Another of my favorite annual events is GayDays Anaheim.  While some continue to debate whether I was a founding father, what is not in doubt is that I’ve always supported this fantastic gathering at Disneyland in Anaheim – and I’m not even one of those Disney Queens (although I certainly enjoy them).  The upcoming event takes place September 12-14 and includes quite a few of my favorite queens – Ginger Minj, Kay Sedia, and even Cheyenne Jackson.  You can check out the full lineup of events and buy tickets in advance at GayDaysAnaheim.com.

It takes a lot to get my goat (even single fellas need someone to cuddle with occasionally).  But consider my goat gotten with news from Orlando – a city where they do a helluva lot more with the goat than just cuddle!  Under the dark of night, the rainbow crosswalks commemorating the shooting at the gay nightclub Pulse mysteriously disappeared.  There’s a whole lotta passing the buck.  The Florida Department of Transportation issued a memo in June ordering all cities in the state to remove rainbow-colored crosswalks, or they could face withholding of transportation funds.  But they say the order came from the top.  US Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy (who I would never term as a “top”) sent an edict to all states saying intersections should be “kept free from distractions”.  He added, “Taxpayers expect their dollars to fund safe streets, not rainbow crosswalks.”  That may be so, but the Orlando mayor Buddy Dyer points out that this particular crosswalk is part of a larger memorial, which was set to be completed in 2027.  “This callous action of hastily removing part of a memorial to what was at the time our nation’s largest mass shooting, without any supporting safety or discussion, is a cruel political act.”  Not to be deterred, area children corrected the situation by filling in the crosswalk colors in chalk.  Temporary but touching.

I’d like to weigh in on an item you may have heard elsewhere, Colton Underwood has let it be known that he’d like to be partnered with Mark Ballas on Dancing with the Stars.  It bears noting that Ballas retired from competition when he won the Len Goodman Mirrorball Trophy in 2022.  And, with all due respect to the fence-hopping former Bachelor, you are neither a dancer nor a star.  Keep it in your pants, cowboy.

Months ago we told you about the HBO documentary Enigma which compared the lives and careers of Amanda Lear and Lady April Ashley.  In it, the director attempted repeatedly to get Lear to admit she was transgender and previously worked at Le Carrousel under the moniker Peki d’Oslo.  Lear stubbornly said, “People say that, and I never deny.  I say think what you want.  You’re free to think.  But I know who I am, you know?  Like the Queen – never complain, never explain.”  But she’s got some explaining to do – like why she sat down for the interview in the first place.  She claims that she was lied to by the filmmaker.  “They said they wanted to celebrate my career.  Instead it was a pretext to spread the usual fake news about my alleged transgender identity.”  Lear is considering taking legal action against the filmmakers and HBO.

“I love playing gay.  I’ll play gay.  I’ll play straight. 
I’ll do anything.  I am very versatile.”
– Luke Macfarlane toots his own horn.  Now, that’s something I’d pay to see!

Picture it – Boston, 1995.  A young man, who looked significantly younger than his chronological age, got a call from his best friend on a hot August afternoon.  The friend worked for a gay newspaper in San Francisco, and they were in desperate need of a gossip column.  I don’t remember all of the details – it was something about someone being fired, embezzling checks, a 5PM deadline, and blowing a job at the printer.  That young-ish man was me.  The SF paper is now defunct.  The friend is retired in Las Vegas and working as one of the more successful Siegfried impersonators (on arthritic days, he plays Roy).  Against all odds, that column is still here – 30 years later.  The moral of this story is, damn, I look good for my age! Oh, yeah, and I’ve spent these three decades entertaining the masses.  Week in, week out.  52 weeks a year.  For 30 years.  That’s…well, it’s a shitload of columns!  Now, when I go to the printer – well, the blowjob is on the other foot.

When I started out in 1995, the Menendez boys were already young adults and the murder of their parents was 6 years earlier.  Some stories keep on giving.  Last week, the brothers got their very first parole hearings – and were both denied.  They can try again in three years (unless Gavin Newsom grants them clemency – which is probably something El Presidente would do if he were in Newsom’s rather large shoes).  While the murder of their parents is a big part of why they’re still in jail (the risk assessment listed them as “moderate”), the main sticking point during the parole hearing was around a cell phone!  Lyle was asked why he was in possession of an illegal cell phone in prison.  Lyle said he used the phone to stay in touch with relatives.  It was then pointed out that he already had access to a tablet for that purpose.  Which begs the question – prisoners can have tablets?

You know who had a career before the ‘70s?  Mamie Van Doren – the last surviving Hollywood blond bombshell.  I’m always suspicious when people make allegations about folks who have passed away.  The 94-year-old Mamie claims that Rock Hudson wanted her in a sexual way.  No, really – she believes that.  During an arranged studio date, Van Doren says, “He came on to me, and in my book I told about having on a Crimmins skirt and him getting very passionate and rolling on the kitchen floor.”  Did it occur to her that maybe he just wanted the skirt?

By the by, Mamie and several other former Hollywood luminaries will be honored at Cinecon 61, which takes place in Hollywood over Labor Day Weekend.  The special honorees, in addition to Mamie, include Ann-Margret, Pat Boone, Juliet Mills and her “versatile” husband, Maxwell Caulfield.  You can grab tix at Cinecon.org.

This week’s Ask Billy question was troubling.  Henry from Chicago asks, “What is really going on with Gladys Knight?  Is she really losing it?”

We’re not quite sure.  Gladys has a son, Shanga (who had a short-lived bakery in Las Vegas).  He believes his 81-year-old mom is being forced to perform by her husband of 25 years, William McDowell, despite her declining cognitive ability.  Shanga went to Health and Human Services and filed a complaint against McDowell for elder abuse.  They are investigating.  Shanga is basing his opinion on Gladys forgetting lyrics and appearing disoriented onstage.  Additionally, he says sometimes she doesn’t even know who she is.  It bears mentioning that she didn’t miss a single concert on the recent The Queens Tour alongside Patti LaBelle, Chaka Khan and Stephanie Mills.  Gladys made her own statement: “I’m sorry that my health and performances have been misrepresented.  I want my fans and those concerned to rest assured I am doing very well for someone who has been on stage for three quarters of a century – hard to believe, right?  I’m healthy and happy and visiting friends and family these last few months.  I’m excited to get back on the road with my sisters and on stage with The Queens Tour.  See you soon.” 

Of course, it didn’t end there.  Gladys’ publicist (who works with Knight’s husband/manager) was less polite: “Gladys and her team are greatly saddened by Shanga’s unfounded allegations, especially as he has had no substantial contact with her.  She has not been on tour since June 1^st and can’t wait to begin touring again in September.  At this time our lawyers have no choice but to explore any and all legal remedies due to Shanga’s defamatory comments.”  This won’t be their first legal battle.  Back in 2017, Gladys successfully sued Shanga for opening a chain of unauthorized restaurants called Gladys Knight’s Chicken & Waffles!

When all I’m thinking about is chicken and waffles, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  Before closing, we must acknowledge the passing of Terence Stamp, who bore a striking resemblance to the late Jeanne Cooper.  His death dashes hopes for a Priscilla sequel – something I never thought would or should happen.  What will definitely happen is more dish on a regular basis on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that never met a Twinkie it didn’t like!  If you have a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Gladys goes back on tour (which is September 19^th in Greensboro, NC).  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Let me tell you something nobody will – people don’t go on The Bachelor to find love, they don’t go on American Idol because they can sing, and they certainly don’t go on America’s Got Talent because they have any.  People go on all of these shows because they want to be famous.  And that doesn’t just go for contestants.  Like his sister Julianne, Derek wants it…BAD.  He can check another thing off his list – he’s been named the new host for Extra.  Yes, he’s dangerously entering Mario Lopez territory by snagging Billy Bush’s former gig.  Derek says, “The ballroom has been my stage, my home, and my launchpad.” Truer words were never uttered.

You would think being President of the United States would be a big enough gig.  But no, not for El Presidente.  He, too, is returning to his TV roots to host the Kennedy Center Honors – or whatever they’ll be called by December.  You’ll recall during his last reign, he didn’t even attend the telecast.  Not only will he host, he says he was “about 98% involved” in the selection of the honorees (so much for his hand-picked committee).  They include George Strait, Michael Crawford, Sylvester Stallone, Gloria Gaynor, and the band KISS.  What?  No Village People?

Many people have taken exception to Gloria Gaynor accepting this honor.  Ana Navarro said, “The woman is a goddess and deserves all the flowers that come her way.  But I wish she wouldn’t accept an award from the hands of a man who has attacked the rights and history of women, people of color and LGBTQ.  The gay community in particular, helped turn her signature song into an anthem.  Trump is a stain on the prestige and significance of the KCH.  Don’t do it, Gloria!”  Raconteur Bruce Vilanch pointed out that while honorees don’t speak during the telecast, they do the night before at the White House.  “It would be the appropriate moment for Gloria Gaynor to accept the honor by thanking the LGBT community that has kept her working for four decades and that is being so demonized by the current administration…it may be the only way she can redeem herself in the eyes of the one fan base that has been her economic engine since the ‘70s.”

You wanna hear about sex and the city?  Renée Taylor’s new play Dying Is No Excuse recounts her epic love story with Joe Bologna.  She’s been working on this for a while, and there have been several readings in NYC and FL (know your audience, I always say).  It just had its world premiere at the Unicorn Theatre Company in the Berkshires under the direction of Elaine May!  But don’t try to go – the entire run sold out in a matter of hours.  That didn’t stop Fran Drescher from flying in for opening night – not only to cheer on Renée Taylor, but also Nicholle Tom, who plays a young Renée Taylor (she also played Fran’s stepdaughter on The Nanny).  Fun fact – while I know Renée, Fran, and Nicholle, one of them was the last woman I made out with.  I don’t want to give you too many clues.  But it was in the driveway after a holiday party.  I swear there was something in that eggnog.

Last weekend, I zipped back down to Provincetown to the legendary Post Office Café and Cabaret to check out two of the most popular shows in town.  First is Miss Richfield 1981, who is celebrating 23 years in Ptown with her latest venture, There’s A Pill For That.  I dunno what pills she’s taking, but she looks terrific.  With nary a blue dress in sight, she’s singing and dancing and entertaining the capacity crowds.  She hasn’t lost any of her luster or spice.  In fact, this new show has a strong theme, catchy ditties, and naughty off-the-cuff barbs.  Make your plans early – she regularly sells out.  And after Labor Day, she tours.  Check out her full schedule on MissRichfield.com.

Also at the Post Office Cabaret is the latest creation from the talented Jamie Morris of Mommie Queerest fame (not the version with a body count).  This year, he does what the kids call a mash-up.  He cleverly combines The Golden Girls with Mean Girls to bring us Golden Mean Girls.  This is Jamie’s 8^th season in Ptown, and this show may be his best.  He’s brilliant as Blanche, although Sophia’s breasts (as embodied by Payton St. James) come close to stealing the show.  For those interested in a twink who has probably never eaten a Twinkie, then Zachary McEvoy is for you (he also works at Joe Coffee).  It plays Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays at 10PM – which still leaves you plenty of time to go out and get lucky.  Tix to both can be purchased at PostOfficeCafe.net.

Speaking gals with great gams, our very own Alaska Thunderfuck is off the market.  The diva made the announcement on social media: “My longtime partner Matthew Herrmann proposed to me yesterday.  It was after my grandma’s 90^th birthday celebration.”  Way to upstage Nana!

“The woman looked out her window and realized she still harbored
ill will towards the former lover who shattered the antique glass. 
It may have been a romantic gesture, but she was robbed of rainbows
forever.  The woman considered taking a trip.  But who could housesit? 
There was the gardener, who was taking an inordinate amount of time
planting a few bulbs.  Or maybe the son of a friend who knocked up a
woman of ample proportions and had a companion named after
a theme park.  No.  The woman would stay home.  And write. 
And write.  And write…books that nobody would read.”

I suspect fans of Carrie Bradshaw’s column are much like fans of Billy Masters – not particularly into the bodice-ripper genre.   Rule one for writing a show – have a story you want to tell.  Clearly that rule went out the broken window.  After 10 hours I’ll never get back, you know what I was left with?  A shrug.  Fine – but who cares?  I was left with a question – where does one find this magical karaoke machine that also is preloaded with songs sung by the original artist?  I also thought that if one wanted a show about people in their sixties who were interested in sex and the city, why not set it in London and follow the exploits of a certain ex-pat named Samantha?  I’d watch that!

Our Ask Billy question came from Steve in NYC: “I often see Andy Cohen around, but recently people have been whispering that he’s a sexual predator.  Any thoughts?”

Plenty.  While I’ve learned to not believe the good or the bad, kooky Kenley Collins, the outspoken Project Runway alum, has opinions she’s not holding back.  “Do you guys really think Harvey Weinstein was the worst one on set?  Andy Cohen was.  Andy was disgusting, horrible, worst, predator with the gays, hopping around the set like, ‘Hey Twinks!’”  To be fair, that doesn’t sound so bad.  She went on: “Propositioning designers to have a threesome in exchange for their own show.”  OK, now you’ve crossed the line.  You can hear every bit of her rant on BillyMasters.com.  Including this one: “We thought you were Tim Gunn’s boyfriend – you were so up his ass!”

When we’re giving you a visual you don’t necessarily want, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words.  You’ll get thousands of words and oodles of photos on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that, like Kenley, doesn’t hold back.  If you want more dish, send an e-mail to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Dean Cain makes his next film – perhaps starring Jussie Smollett!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

I took a quick jaunt down to the Provincetown Theater to see Christopher Durang’s Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike.  While I’d love to ramble on about the fantastic set and unfussy direction, these plays all rise or fall on the actors.  Provincetown is fortunate to have a balanced troupe that works well together.  Since I know my audience, let’s get right to Jeff Brackett as Spike.  One must acknowledge his physical beauty, his rippling body, an ass that goes on for days, and a penis that bounces along in the undies he’s usually sporting.  But, brace yourself – he can also act.  There is such depth to his portrayal, one wonders if he put more thought into the role than Durang himself!  It may seem impossible based on what I just said, but Jennifer Cabral steals virtually every scene she’s in.  Her Sonia is always up to something – even if it’s just a twinkle in her mischievous eyes.  Susan Lambert as Masha gets most of the bitchy lines and plays imperious to the hilt.  William Mullin captures the frustration of downtrodden Vanya to the point that he is the most Chekhovian.  The show has been playing to full houses all summer, so I suggest you grab tickets quickly since it closes on August 28^th.  More information can be found at ProvincetownTheater.org.

Meanwhile in NYC, Jinkx Monsoon took over the titular role in Broadway’s Oh, Mary! and had a resounding success.  Somehow I missed that she’d be joined by Kumail Nanjiani as Lincoln (naturally) and Michael Urie as her teacher.  The cast was rapturously received by the capacity crowd.  They stay with the show until September 28^th.

Across the pond, Rosie O’Donnell enjoyed capacity crowds at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival with a new solo show.  Rosie O’Donnell: Common Knowledge is more of a one-woman show than her usual stand-up act.  It’s the story of her life, starting with the death of her mother – predictably not one of the funnier sections.  One critic described it this way: “The US star’s engaging set is largely an earnest love letter to her non-binary child and newly adopted home of Ireland.”  The run sold out quickly and critics are applauding the meld of writing, comedy and storytelling.  Someone who saw a preview in Dublin was Cynthia Nixon.  “Nothing like seeing my friend (and Miranda’s one-night stand, Mary) kill it onstage IN DUBLIN.  And we had the luck of the Irish to see her once more at the airport as she was taking her show to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.”

We’re a fickle bunch.  If Dean Cain still looked like he did in Lois & Clark, we’d forgive him anything.  But being twice that size and championing El Presidente, the former Dean Tanaka is dead to us (not in the literal sense, of course).  Last week, I almost posted a quote about how much he loved playing gay in Greg Berlanti’s Broken Hearts Club.  This week, he said this: “I’ve spoken with some officials over at ICE, and I will be sworn in as an ICE agent ASAP.”  Margaret Cho took exception, and I’ll let her speak for us all.  “Why would you join ICE and encourage people to join ICE when your ancestors were interned in World War II?  You’re Japanese.  You’re not even white…I know you, and you are not white…You’re never gonna be white, no matter how many of these white activities that you participate in, no matter how racist you are…Always Wong, never white.”  John Leguizamo chimed in: “What kind of loser volunteers to be an ICE officer?  What a moron! Dean Cain, your pronouns are has/been.”  It’s important to remember how many minorities and women and gays (oh my) not only support El but are also Republicans.  Cain, for his part, seems to be someone with his own sense of civic responsibility.  He said, “For those who don’t know, I am a sworn law enforcement officer, as well as being a filmmaker, and I felt it was important to join with our first responders to help secure the safety of all Americans, not just talk about it.”

Someone else with a questionable past is joining the “special forces” – at least on TV.  Jussie Smollett dips his toe back into the entertainment business by returning to the FOX network for Special Forces.  He’ll be competing against such people as Teresa Giudice, Jessie James Decker, and Johnny Manziel.  My money’s on Teresa!

Everyone lusted over Lukas Gage and Chris Appleton when they were a couple.  That was one helluva long weekend!  Recently, the hair-hopper said, “You can love someone and there not be a forever happy ending.  And just because it’s not forever doesn’t mean it didn’t mean something.”  Yes, it meant something – that you’re both nuts!  Previously Lukas called getting married after dating for two months, “unhinged”.  “I don’t know literally what went through my head, but we live and we learn.”  He wanted to say more, but revealed he signed an NDA – which always makes me suspicious.  He didn’t mind adding that he thought his hair never looked worse!

“With all due respect to pop culture, if love has found
their way into that relationship, God bless them both. 
Leave them the fuck alone and let them like each other
because both of them have had hardship and they’re
both beautiful human beings.”
– Jamie Lee Curtis tells Access Hollywood her thoughts on rumors that
Pamela Anderson and Liam Neeson are in an actual relationship.

Violence is never the answer.  I was reminded of that when a local hothead accosted me in the crowded parking lot of a popular Chinese restaurant.  While I did indeed tap his car door trying to get out of my own vehicle, I left no mark.  This did not stop him from attempting to initiate a physical altercation.  When he saw I was neither intimidated nor impressed, he not only caused physical damage to my car, he shoved me!  I calmly called the police, who I am told apprehended him after he fled the scene.  I’m told he has been charged with various criminal felonies.  And I enjoyed my dinner.

I don’t know Donald or Jacob Zieben-Hood.  My esteemed colleague Michael Musto posted the following on social media: “Don Hood is a fitness model slash promoter whom I know from the club scene.  He and his husband fought constantly, and Hood exacerbated things by repeatedly violating an order of protection.  Well, the husband died on Friday morning, covered in stab wounds, following yet another fight between the couple.  The husband, Jacob Zieben-Hood, had called his father earlier to say that Hood wouldn’t let him leave their apartment and was ‘coming after him’.  Hood is charged with violating an order of protection…and there’s also that burglary thing and oh yeah, carrying a weapon.  And I’m pretty certain he’ll also have ‘murderer’ on his resume soon enough.”

Then performer Mark MacKillop wrote: “There was this guy I used to want to date so bad.  We spent time together a few summers ago.  He was beautiful but cocky & it turned me off.  Story just dropped that he allegedly stabbed his boyfriend to death.  Dear Universe thank you for removing me from that situation.”   After that, a fan wrote me the following.  “I went out with Donald a few times.  He was an asshole and definitely had dangerous mood swings.  But he was so fuckin’ hot.  Now he’s killed his husband.  What’s wrong with him?”  The bigger question – what’s wrong with all of us?  It’s simple – we’re guys.  We respond to physical beauty.  How many gay men forgave Luigi Mangione or those poor misunderstood Menendez boys because they were hot?  If they were fat, missing an eye, and sporting a hump, nobody would be rushing to their defense.  OK, maybe some straight women would!  It’s not just gay men.  Straight men will stay with crazy women if they’re hot (well, hot to them).  That’s how we’re wired.

P.S. It’s true – this Donald guy IS hot.  Then again, so was his dead husband.

Meanwhile, a stage show about Mangione has been selling out performances in San Francisco.  Luigi: The Musical not only turns the spotlight on the alleged murderer, but also takes on Sean “Diddy” Combs and Sam Bankman-Fried (from the crypto con), who all happen to be luxuriating in the same prison.  Sure, the musical is selling out a 49-seat theatre and not Radio City Music Hall, but it shows our collective fascination with bad boys.

And Just Like That… – cancelled.  OK, the creatives claim they pulled the plug, but make no mistake – if it was a hit and HBO wanted more, there would be more.  Sarah Jessica spoke for herself and creator Michael Patrick King by saying, “MPK and I together recognized, as we have in the past, this chapter complete.”  So the big question – is Cattrall going to be in the finale?  My sources say no.  Kim posted “It’s the end of a very long week.”  Amen.

The long rumored-about reboot of Murder, She Wrote is moving forward.  As the latter-day Jessica Fletcher, Jamie Lee Curtis slips into Dame Angela Lansbury’s sensible shoes.  Whether it will be an effortless fit remains to be seen.  On the red carpet for Freakier Friday, she told Entertainment Tonight, “Oh, it’s happening…We’re a minute away, but yeah, I’m very excited.  Very excited.  But I’m tamping down my enthusiasm until we start shooting.  I have a couple of other things to hustle, but then I’ll get to enjoy that work.”  Well, if Kathy Bates can play Matlock and Latifah can (briefly) play The Equalizer…

Dermot Mulroney says that there is “talk of a sequel” to My Best Friend’s Wedding.  When asked to elaborate, he said, “I know nothing about it” – in his best John Banner impression (look it up, kids).  He added, “Last I heard, ‘lawyers were talking’.”   Julia Roberts was recently asked what would be the point of a sequel: “Because there’s so many people in it, and to see what they’re doing and how Kimmy and Michael’s marriage is going.”

When we’re bringing you two sets of tits for the price of one, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  It’s no exaggeration to say that Nicholas Alexander Chavez is more busty than his co-star.  You can see it/them for yourself on www.BillyMasters.com – the site where we say a little prayer for all the projects in development.  Before we wrap, we must bid adieu to another of our favorite buxom blondes, Loni Anderson.  She was a memorable guest in our first season of Billy Masters LIVE, which I’ll post on our website.  We didn’t have room for an Ask Billy question.  Rest assured I always respond to my readers.  Just drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Nicholas and Pamela reunite for Glass Menagerie – with Pamela as Amanda (or Laura).  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Hot on the heels of winning a Tony Award for Sunset Blvd, Nicole Scherzinger has announced a handful of concert dates.  There’s even talk of a Vegas residency.  But she may not be done playing Norma Desmond.  Rumor has it, she’s the latest frontrunner for a film version of the musical.  To clinch the deal, she’s in talks to bring the stage version to Hollywood’s Pantages Theatre or the Ahmanson.  Stay tuned…

Drama seems to follow some people.  Take Todrick Hall.  Everything is always a nightmare.  This is not meant to disparage his talent, which is abundant.  He’s currently in the live stage version of that Cher flick Burlesque.  Todrick was hired to play the role of Sean by writer and former hottie Steve Antin – who also asked for some songs and choreography.  Due to some skullduggery, Toddy ended up the de facto director.  He issued a long, rambling statement defending the barbs against him.  I don’t know the details, but when you say, “I have never engaged in anything with a minor,” you can bet your ass there’s a story.  One theatre insider quipped, “If ALL of your projects have drama, then YOU may be the problem!”  But Billy, I can hear you cry – what about the show?  Critics seem perplexed.  One reported the journey like this: “Now directed by its star Todrick Hall, the stage musical Burlesque comes to London in much the same way that my parents did some 60 years ago: poor and in need of work.”

Elsewhere in London, my pals the Lythgoes are working on a musical version of To Sir, With Love, which first got an invitation-only reading under the auspices of my beloved Ogunquit Playhouse.  I believe Wayne Brady played “Sir” on that occasion.  I’m told it went very well.  Now Kris Lythgoe tells me they’re trying it out in London’s West End.  The Gillian Lynne Theatre will host two staged readings on November 24^th – at 2:30PM and 7:45PM.  And the incomparable Lulu will be there to sing the song!  Get your tickets at LWTheatres.co.uk.

Just when you thought you’d heard the last of the Jussie Smollett “situation”, a new chapter is in the works.  A documentary is being readied for Netflix which will be called The Truth About Jussie Smollett?  The question mark is notable, particularly since Jussie has committed to giving them an interview and telling the truth – whatever he thinks that is.  “With first-hand interviews from those at the helm, including investigating police, lawyers, journalists and Jussie himself, this compelling documentary invites the audience to decide for themselves who is telling The Truth About Jussie Smollett?”  To coin a phrase, I’ll believe it when I see it.

Then there’s also a new documentary about Joan Rivers in the works.  While most would consider 2010’s Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work to be definitive, this new venture comes ten years after the legend’s death and includes many previously unseen video and audio recordings.

On the eve of publishing this column, I witnessed Pamela Anderson as Marguerite Gautier – otherwise known as Camille.  But she wasn’t in Camille – oh, that would be so pedestrian.  No, she was in Tennessee Williams’ Camino Real at the Williamstown Theatre Festival.  While the play is minor Williams, the role was once notably played by Jessica Tandy.  And I ask you, when else do you think you’re going to get to see Pamela Anderson play a role previously played by Jessica Tandy?  Sure, I long for her Streetcar (I mean…Ann-Margret), but it likely won’t happen.  I wouldn’t rule out Driving Miss Daisy – with George Wallace as Hoke!  “Miss Daisy – the tassel just fell off your right breast.  Please cover your areola, for pity’s sake!”  Oh, that Southern gentility.

Back to Camino Real.  I give Pamela enormous credit for the venture.  Yes, there is some prestige to this festival, but it’s off the beaten path, no big press, no big money.  But the chance to act in a Tennessee Williams play.  And act she does.  OK, in quiet, conversational scenes, she needs to work on projecting.  But her intentions are always clear and committed.  Physically she throws herself into the role fearlessly – the end of Act 1 is staggering and ferocious.  It’s a stylized, over-the-top approach that might make her a good fit for a project with Charles Busch (who himself made a fetching Camille).  Alongside Miss Anderson was Nicholas Alexander Chavez, who you may know from General Hospital, or from his pink Speedo as Lyle Menendez.  Here he plays Kilroy, a faded boxer who looks better in a wet T-shirt than his co-star!  Yes, he has the look and the attitude.  But it was his performance that astounded.  He’s the real deal.  Swagger and charisma alongside charm and sincerity.  There are comparisons to Brando and talk of him being a future Stanley.  But personally, I’d love to see him as Tom in Glass Menagerie.  Chavez and Anderson share a lovely scene near the end of Camino Real.  And the only place you can see it is on BillyMasters.com.

“I am not an incredibly prejudiced person but, when it
comes to heterosexual men, I don’t get them. 
They’re a bunch of assholes.  There are so few
heterosexual men that I know that I look up to.”
– Harvey Fierstein on the subject of straight men.  I guess it’s about
perspective.  I’ve not looked up to many, but I’ve certainly looked
down on a few – and I found them quite adept at the job at hand.

If there’s one thing I am loath to do, it’s promote someone else’s column.  But when the someone else is Dame Joan Collins – well, reason goes out the window.  She’s not the competition, she’s a legend.  Her column appears in The Spectator in London.  Here’s a sample of her scribbling: “Several news outlets are reporting the surge in the dangerous crossings of immigrants coming to our shores, and the cost of giving them succour.”  Let me pause here to try and eradicate the image of Collins giving succour to an eager line of anyone.  “But I’m seeing an invasion of a different sort – the proliferation of rental bikes and powered scooters that litter our pavements.  I’ve recently been almost run over twice by ‘Lime bikes’.  I’ve also tripped over a bunch of discarded cycles on the streets of Belgravia.”  For the love of God – keep the Lime bikes (and scooters) away from Dame Joan!  We can’t have her mowed down in her prime.  We’re thisclose away from her centennial, and I refuse to cancel those festivities due to a broken hip.  Admittedly, the three wigs she wears simultaneously should cushion the fall and avoid a concussion.  In fact, they could act as a helmet should she wish to ride one of the aforementioned scooters.  God save the Queen!

You may recall Mario Paglino and Gianni Grossi as Barbie doll designers who made some unofficial Madonna dolls that were presented to her on The Graham Norton Show (she was less than gracious).  Alas, the duo was killed in an auto accident in Italy – where car fatalities are an art form.  The incident took place between Piedmont and Lombardy, when someone driving the wrong way struck them head-on.  Mattel issued a statement mourning their loss (they operated under the name Magia2000) and put a spotlight on their artistry and philanthropy.  “Their generosity was boundless, creating countless dolls to be auctioned to benefit charities close to fellow collectors’ hearts.  Barbie is better because they loved the brand, and our beloved collector community is richer for having known them and shared in their passion.  Barbie honors their memory with deep gratitude”.

Last week, I received an interesting communiqué in the Billy Masters Mailbag.  It was a 33-page lawsuit filed by Donovan Michaels against his spouse, David Geffen.  The e-mail came from a publicist who did not reveal his client…but I’ve got my suspicions.  The suit makes for fascinating reading and many of the details are certain column-worthy.  Michaels is painted as “a vulnerable gay Black man orphaned at 18 months” and that Geffen “exploited his traumatic past of neglect, poverty, and foster care”.  Bullshit.  While some of the details are true, anyone able to negotiate $10K for a first “date” is not vulnerable – he’s savvy!  Donovan and Geffen first connected on SeekingArrangements.com, which I believe is also where Donald finds all his wives!  Donovan complains that their relationship was treated as a transaction.  I believe that’s the point of Seeking Arrangements.

He also alleges that Geffen expected perfection from him and paid for “painful laser and dental treatments”.  Bullshit again.  First off, if Donovan was that close to perfection, I can’t feel particularly sorry for him.  And, if you want to pay to fix my teeth (or anything else), who am I to say no.  Donovan claims that he was Geffen’s “confidant, travel companion, and property manager.”  I’ve got a guy who does those things from me in Fort Lauderdale, and I only pay him $100 a month!  He better not be reading this column.  Michaels also complains that Geffen supplied him with “cocaine, molly and cannabis”.  I believe the correct response is, “Thank you.”  Lastly, he says he gave up a lucrative modeling career (similar to Melanie’s, I’m sure) and claims Geffen promised to “share assets equally”.  Unless you’ve got that in writing, I’m again calling Bullshit.  To Geffen, I have two words – call me.

We had a curious question in our Ask Billy mailbag.  Tony in Detroit asked, “What do you know about Elon Musk’s daughter Vivian?  I heard she was transgender, but don’t know anything else about her.”

My fans teach me so much.  The only thing I knew about Vivian Jenna Wilson is that she’s estranged from her dad, Elon.  But didya know she was not only conceived via IVF, but her dad allegedly used sex-selective IVF to ensure he had a boy.  SURPRISE!!!  That boy was named Xavier Alexander Musk – at least he got a full name rather than just an X!  From all accounts, father and son had a contentious relationship.  Xavier came out as trans at the age of 16 in 2020, and Musk authorized trans-related medical treatment (Musk claims he was “tricked” into consenting).   Two years later, Vivian emerged.  But here’s something interesting – Vivian has also done drag under the name Vivllainous.  I’m not exactly sure how that works, but the alter ego appeared at a benefit to raise money and awareness against ICE.  So she’s OK in my book!  Check her out on BillyMasters.com.

When I’m questioning the gender of our Ask Billy questioner, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  You know, Tony could go either way.  We ran awfully long – a lot like Donovan Michaels, if his words are to be believed.  But you can get so much more at www.BillyMasters.com – the site where a photo is worth a thousand words.  If you need a bit more Billy, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before someone calls Bullshit on me!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

French President Emmanuel Macron and his wife, Brigitte, filed a defamation lawsuit against conservative podcaster Candace Owens.  Candy claimed that Mrs. Macron was born male in her series Becoming Brigitte – which I thought was about the former Mrs. Stallone!  The Macrons said in their lawsuit that Owens has waged a “campaign of global humiliation”.  I would believe that if I actually knew who Candace actually was.  Frankly, I couldn’t pick her out of a police lineup – but here’s to hoping.  I’m calling Owens’ allegations Bullshit.  I’m also calling the Macrons’ lawsuit Bullshit – only ‘cause I hate that they gave Owens any publicity.

Many people are pissed off at Rahm Emanuel.  In a recent interview, Megyn Kelly asked, “Can a man become a woman?”  Rahm thought for a second.  “Can a man become a woman?  Not…no.”  When Megyn said, “Thank you.  Why don’t more people in your party just say that?”  Rahm said, “Because we’re…I’m now going to go into the Witness Protection Program.”  I’m calling Bullshit on the question and the answer.  While I know it’s politically correct in our community to distill gender down to body parts, that’s just window dressing to me.  And I support that.  But no matter the procedure, the chromosomal coding of sex remains unchanged.  So, strictly speaking, one cannot totally change genders.  Both Rahm and Megyn know better, so shame on them.

I’m also calling Bullshit on all forms of AI.  Actually, I’m embarrassed for the people who blindly believe it.  I can’t tell you how many people have contacted me regarding bogus stories that were confirmed by various bots.  The most ridiculous was that Céline Dion and Josh Groban got up and did an impromptu performance at Connie Francis’ funeral.  There’s even a photo!  It’s a nice story, but Bullshit.

There’s absolutely no Bullshit in my friend Marga Gomez’s performance of The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe.  I’m told she’s superb – which comes as no surprise.  Gomez is one of the most talented performers I’ve ever met.  And a helluva dame.  So who else would San Francisco’s Aurora Theatre Company turn to when they needed someone to take on all the daunting characters Jane Wagner originally wrote for wife Lily Tomlin?  You won’t want to miss this show, which closes on August 10^th.  Get your tickets at AuroraTheatre.org.

Lily and Jane are two of the producers on the Chicago Shakespeare Theater’s world premiere production of Billie Jean – about Billie Jean King (not to be confused with the chick in that Michael Jackson song).  The company says that this new play by Lauren Gunderson is “the theatrical event of the summer”, and who am I to call that Bullshit?  It also closes on August 10^th, so you better grab your tickets quickly at ChicagoShakes.com.

There’s been a bit of hoopla about Darren Criss’ replacement in the Broadway musical Maybe Happy Ending.  The show takes place in Seoul, Korea, and the new guy, Andrew Barth Feldman, isn’t Korean.  I know what you’re thinking – neither is Criss.  True.  But his mother is Chinese, Filipino and Spanish, which I suppose makes him Asian-ish.  Still, I’d think we can agree that all Asians don’t look the same.  I’m calling Bullshit on this story for one big reason – the character in the show is a robot!  Would Koreans have Korean-looking robots?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  But if Criss could play it and he’s not Korean (or a robot), why can’t Feldman?  This got me thinking – Darren’s biggest success has been playing gay roles.  But I don’t believe he’s ever sucked a dick (although rumors abound).  Still, he’s convinced enough producers out there that he could – or at least looks like he could.

Let’s move onto Cabaret.  Billy Porter is going into the Broadway revival playing the Emcee, a role he has coveted for years.  He lobbied hard to play it in the 1998 revival.  He says he was denied the opportunity to even audition.  “I was told, ‘That’s not the story we’re telling.’  I found that odd, and I did some research, and I found a book called Destined to Witness: Growing Up Black in Nazi Germany.  I sent it to the entire creative team, signed, ‘We were there.  We were always there.’”  Needless to say, that didn’t get him an audition – ‘cause who wants some actor telling producers what to do.  Still, I’m going to say Bullshit because the people who played the Emcee in that production were Alan Cumming, Neil Patrick Harris, Jon Secada, John Stamos, Raúl Esparza, Michael C. Hall, Matt McGrath, and Adam Pascal.  You know what they had in common?  They were all more famous than Billy Porter – who was fifteen years away from winning a Tony for Kinky Boots!

“I’m not sure who you are, but you look like Jack Palance.”
– As Big Daddy Masters declines, he mistakes me for the famed actor. 
I do hope if I look like Jack Palance, it is pre-City Slickers!

This week, I’m calling “Bullshit” on a number of people and stories – like a slightly more feminine Natasha Lyonne.  We start with another of our favorite redheads, Kathy Griffin.  I know Kathy, I like Kathy, I’ve been to several of her houses.  But, as I learned with my beloved Joan Rivers, recounting of her history tends to change with the passage of time.  In Kathy’s case, she dropped a video a couple of months ago chastising Stephen Colbert about her sole appearance on his show on December 6, 2018.  She didn’t want to talk about the Trump photo (which was a year and a half earlier) and was there to promote an appearance at Carnegie Hall.  Bullshit.  She was there to announce that she’d bought back the rights to all of her specials and series, and they’d drop that night on iTunes.  Of course, there’s no way a political animal like Colbert wouldn’t want to talk about the big story – regardless of what promises Griffin got from a producer.  She also claims Colbert made her cry.  Bullshit again.  She may have welled up, but she held her own and actually retained control of the interview – albeit in a slightly manic way.  You can watch the actual footage along with her revisionist reflections on BillyMasters.com.

I must confess, I haven’t watched any of this season’s …And Just Like That.  I like to wait until the full season has aired – which, in this case, means I’ll have something to do mid-August.  Anyhoo, many of you have asked why I haven’t written about Mario Cantone and his Hot Fellas.  I can tell you that Mario and Sebastiano Pigazzi dropped in on the Hot Fellas pop-up at Librae Bakery in NYC.  Of course, the photos can be found on our website.

Hot out of our Ask Billy mailbag is a note from Karl in San Francisco: “What did I hear about Cameron Mathison doing a shirtless backflip?”

There’s one thing I know for sure – Cameron Mathison will bend over forwards and backwards for his fans.  The incident in question happened on a sand dune in Oregon.  But, to be totally honest, he wasn’t shirtless…at least not this time.  Since Cameron was posting his latest flip, he decided to take to Instagram and show he’s a giver (one of my two favorite kinds of flips).  He included some tumbles – many of them shirtless – from various locales around the globe, including Australia, Fiji, and Greece.  But, please, don’t try this at home…even if you are greased up.  For those of you less than technically adept, I link to all of this footage on BillyMasters.com.

When Cam is flipping for his fans, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  You’ll certainly flip when you check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that has no Chinese fingers in it (well, there was that one time in Detroit).  Unlike Mathison, I’m willing to flip for fans and foes alike.  Just send an explicit e-mail to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I do something bad to an eagerly receptive Chris Martin!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

At long last, Dolly Parton has unveiled her long-awaited musical biography.  Dolly: A True Original Musical had its world premiere at Nashville’s Fisher Center for the Performing Arts last week.  Similar to the Cher and Donna Summer musicals, this show features three actresses playing Dolly at various ages…and sizes.  The actresses on hand opening night were Katie Rose Clarke, Carrie St. Louis and Quinn Titcomb – and I couldn’t make that up if I tried!  The run has been extended two weeks and will now close on August 31^st.  After that…who knows.

Few things make me happier than a story about Marissa Jaret Winokur, the original star of Hairspray.  But what about a story about Winokur returning to Hairspray?  The talented Tony winner will be directing a production of the musical for 5-Star Theatricals at the Scherr Forum Theatre in Thousand Oaks.  Opening night is October 10^th.  More details can be found at 5StarTheatricals.com.

I’ve already told you about the Hollywood Bowl’s upcoming semi-staged production of Jesus Christ Superstar which runs Aug 1-3.  You already know that Cynthia Erivo will be playing Jesus, and Adam Lambert will play Judas.  We can now tell you that they will be joined by Josh Gad as Herod, Phillipa Soo as Mary Magdalene, and Raul Esparza as Pilate.  Frankly, I was really looking forward to Raul’s Magdalene.  Well, maybe next year.

Mattel has announced they are expanding the Barbie line.  We’ve already had Barbies of various sizes, colors and ethnicities.  We now have a Barbie with Type 1 diabetes!  She’ll even come equipped with her own glucose monitor!  I look forward to a more full-figured Barbie in a blue dress taking a little pill with a big story to tell!

Someone who has actually been a Barbie is Cher.  And, boy, did she knock ‘em dead last week in Rome.  She did a performance at Dolce & Gabbana’s Alta Moda show.  Easily looking two decades younger than her chronological age, she performed a number of ditties in a number of outfits while sporting a number of different hair styles and colors.  While I can’t say she actually “sang”, they did turn her microphone on for some mid-show patter, including an endless anecdote about filming Tea with Mussolini in Rome.  You can see the full show on BillyMasters.com.

Speaking of bad things happening to CEOs, remember Luigi Mangione?  The fetching fella who allegedly shot and killed the CEO of UnitedHeathcare?  Didya know he had a very wealthy granny (or, more likely, nonna)?  We hear that when Mary Mangione died in 2023, she was worth around $30 million.  She left this money to her 10 children and 37 grandchildren.  For those of you whipping out your abacus (or whatever you’re whipping out), 47 people getting a share of $30 million end up with about $643K each.  But maybe it will only have to be split amongst 46 people.  According to Mary’s will, the Trustees could use their discretion to disinherit anyone convicted of a felony.  So not only might Luigi end up in the pokey, he might not even have a pokey to piss in!

Someone who knows a thing or two about fetching felons would be Cooper Koch, Emmy nominated for his portrayal of Erik Menendez.  Hot on the heels of dropping his drawers for Calvin Klein (which is typically a good career move), he’s been cast in Luca Guadagnino’s next film, Artificial.  While we’re told his role is being kept “under wraps” (very unlike him), the flick is a “comedic drama set in the world of artificial intelligence.”

We previously reported the Stonewall National Monument website removed any reference to trans people.  Last week, the bisexuals were also eliminated.  This was first reported by Erin Reed on July 10^th.  Within 48 hours of her report, bisexuals were reinstated.  The squeaky wheel…

Nobody will ever get me to say anything against the delicious Tom Daley.  Not a single thing.  But I did enjoy his latest video promoting swimwear for Adidas – which he pronounces as AH-dee-das.  Maybe it’s a British thing…

“I absolutely love that Colbert got fired.  His talent was
even less than his ratings.  I hear Jimmy Kimmel is next.
 Has even less talent than Colbert!  Greg Gutfeld is better
than all of them combined, including the Moron
on NBC who ruined the once great Tonight Show.”
– It always tickles me when someone praises someone I’ve never heard.  Like, who is
Greg Gutfeld?  And why is “Moron” capitalized?  Is that a job?  Like Moron in Chief?

The city – Fort Lauderdale, FL.  The Place – Chase Bank.  I went to my local branch after receiving an offer of $500 for opening a business account.  Since I’ve been troubled by Citibank’s rapidly diminishing branch locations, I was happy to give their competition my business – especially if I got paid for it.  I sat down with a woman reminiscent of a young Julie Kavner – in her Rhoda days playing Brenda (who also worked in a bank).  I decided to not share my observation with the gal.  A smart decision, since her first question to me was the following – “Are you a member of the adult entertainment industry?”  Why?  Perhaps she’s a fan.  Or maybe seen some of my oeuvre (I quickly made sure my oeuvre wasn’t showing).  Or perhaps it’s my choice in paramours (or, dare I say, spouses).  Or perhaps it was the stack of bills I presented for deposit which gave off a faint but pungent odor.  Nonetheless, I responded with a somewhat convincing “No”, while making sure my tear-away shorts were fastened tight!

You probably wouldn’t be too surprised if I told you someone was outed at a Coldplay concert.  But what if I told you that someone wasn’t Chris Martin?  Oh, sure, now you’re surprised.  It all happened at Gillette Stadium – just south of my native Boston.  As often happens at these concerts, random audience members were featured on the Jumbotron.  The camera settled on a man embracing a woman from behind.  Chris Martin says, “Oh, look at these two.”  The woman covers her face and turns around; the man ducks down below the camera.  “Come on, you OK?  Uh, what?” continues Martin.  “Either they’re having an affair or they’re just very shy.  I’m not quite sure.”  I’ll give you two guesses!  It might have all ended there, except someone in the audience filmed the entire encounter and posted it on that Chinese video streaming site that all the kids like.  And that’s how the world discovered Andy Byron, CEO of Astronomer, was canoodling with a woman who was most certainly not his wife.  It only got worse when reports indicated that the woman in question was Astronomer’s Chief People Officer! 

Byron quickly issued a mea culpa, which included this rapturous bit of prose: “What was supposed to be a night of music and joy turned into a deeply personal mistake playing out on a very public stage.”  Except he didn’t actually say that!  While the incident and video are very real, the apology statement was a hoax, made by a fake Andy Byron!  What wasn’t fake was that Byron did resign.  His former company posted this on Twitter: “Andy Byron has tendered his resignation, and the Board of Directors has accepted.”  Chris Martin made a statement of his own shortly after the couple ducked out of view of the KissCam: “Holy shit – I hope we didn’t do something bad.”

We never get tired of saying Cher was right.  She often is.  She knew her son Elijah Blue Allman was headed down a bad path.  She was willing to piss him off and become his conservator.  She worried that money from his trust fund would be “immediately spent on drugs”.  Elijah said, “I recently passed a drug test and am willing to submit to future drug tests.  I am clean and sober from illicit substances…and am fully capable of and committed to managing the money I receive quarterly from the trust left by my late father.”  The judge ruled in his favor, saying there was “insufficient evidence”.  Perhaps the court would like to revisit this case.  Last month, Elijah was hospitalized by the police for acting “erratically”.  “Deputies located drugs inside the home and Allman was transported to the hospital.”  What will Cher do next?  Perhaps slap him and tell him to snap out of it!

You may have heard that the legendary Beck’s Motor Lodge in San Francisco will shut down at the end of 2025.  I’m told that many developers have attempted to buy the property, but no deal has been signed.  Didya know it’s a family business?  In 1958, Bill and Frances Beck opened up the establishment for truckers needing a place to stay in the Castro area (which is a whole other story).  Rooms were $5 a night.  The couple’s son Eddie was often seen sweeping the parking lot (which I believe is not a euphemism).  In 2010, Eddie’s daughter Brittney took over the day-to-day operations, oversaw a renovation, and has worked hard to keep the hotel current.

On the one-year anniversary of his death, Richard Simmons’ longtime partner has broken her silence.  Yes, I said her – because the partner in question is Teresa Reveles, his housekeeper.  In describing their relationship, Richard often said, “It’s almost like we’re a married couple.”  In an interview with Today, Teresa claims she was the only relationship that mattered in Richard’s life.  “He never loved anyone like me.  He was my lover – not sexually, but he kissed me all the time.”  Simmons’ estate in the Hollywood Hills just went on the market for $7 million.

When Richard Simmons’ longtime partner is a woman, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  Talk about sweatin’ to the oldies!  For fresher fare, check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that will make you feel the burn.  We ran so long, we didn’t even have time for an Ask Billy question.  But, rest assured I personally respond to each and every query I receive.  Keep your letters coming to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before we find out if Cena’s junk is a jackpot!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Our next story is two-fold.  In fold number one, Netflix announced that the upcoming season 10 of Queer Eye will be the last.  Many are surprised at the cancellation since the show has received over 10 Emmys.  Those same people also whisper that the departure of Bobby Berk and the addition of Jeremiah Brent-Berkus put the nail in the coffin.  This leads to the second fold.  Berk has denied that he’d make a special appearance on the final season.  But he did announce his return to television.  He just signed a deal with HGTV to host Junk or Jackpot? – a show where people bring various items to be valued by experts.  Interestingly enough, the executive producer of this show will be John Cena – the same guy who showed off his junk on the Oscars.

ABC just signed a deal for a reboot of Scrubs.  The sitcom may have gone off the air in 2010, but co-stars Zach Braff and Donald Faison have continued their bromance in a series of commercials and other endeavors.  Joining them will be Sarah Chalke, who was also part of the Roseanne reboot – at least initially (like Roseanne herself).

Another spinoff from The Big Bang Theory just got the green light.  HBO has committed to Stuart Fails to Save the Universe, which will follow Kevin Sussman, the owner of the comic book shop.  He’ll be joined by Lauren Lapkus (his girlfriend), Brian Posehn (geologist Bert) and John Ross Bowie (Kripke), who were also recurring characters on BBT.   There is also talk Sheldon and Leonard could pop in occasionally.

Proving that there are no new ideas in Hollywood, the long-gestating Practical Magic 2 will begin shooting the beginning of 2026 with Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock.  They will be joined by PM1 cast members Dianne Wiest and Stockard Channing, alongside Joey King and Lee Pace.

Rumors of the impending demise of the divine Miriam Margolyes have been vastly exaggerated – at least according to the great lady herself.  She posted the following message: “Hello, everyone.  It’s Miriam Margolyes here.  I wanted to share a couple of things with you.  First of all, you might have seen on the internet and in a few papers something a few knobheads wrote – that I was at death’s door.  Bollocks!  I’m very much alive and raring to go to the Edinburgh Fringe this year doing my show, Margolyes and Dickens: More Best Bits.  6 o’clock every night.  Oh my goodness, you’ll have a good time.  And then, after a little bit of Dickens, there’s a lot of Miriam Margolyes.  I’ll tell you anything you like.  Ask any questions from the audience.  My heart, my life, and my legs are open to all of you – it’s a promise!  I had such a good time last year – sold every seat.  So I hope I can count on you coming this year and making it a night to remember.  All my best.  Ta Ra!”  If you’re in the neighborhood, she’ll be appearing nightly August 8-23, and those hot tickets can be grabbed at EdFringe.com.

Speaking of the UK, didya know London Pride was celebrated on July 5^th?  They’re always a little slower than us…must be all the inbreeding.  A video circulated of the military band outside of Buckingham Palace playing Chappell Roan’s “Pink Pony Club” – which sounds better by a brass band than you’d think!  While no royals were present, we are told that all selections played by the military band must be approved by Chuckie.

“Yes she increased her whoring, remembering the days
of her youth when she played the whore in the land
of Egypt and lusted after her lovers there,
whose members were like those of donkeys
and whose issue was like that of horses.”
– I’d like this Biblical passage read at my funeral.  I’d also like my ashes scattered in
Egypt after transporting them by donkey.  What can I say?  I’d like one last ride.

Since we’re in a religious mood, let’s start with news from Vatican City.  Last week, a story circulated that Pope Leo would put the kibosh on priests blessing same-sex couples.  While the Catholic Church does not formally embrace such unions, Pope Francis not only blessed such gay couples, he also welcomed them into the church (much like Christians were encouraged to pet the lions in the Colosseum).  Vatican spokesperson Cardinal Victor Manuel Fernandez recently did an interview with Il Messaggero (which, for those of you not possessing a foreign tongue, means The Messenger).  When asked if the blessing policy which Franny initiated in 2023 would be reversed, Victor said, “I really don’t think so – the declaration will remain.”  Of course, he said it in Italian.

In the latest governmental folly, El Presidente is threatening to revoke Rosie O’Donnell’s citizenship!  On his social media site, Trump wrote, “Because of the fact that Rosie O’Donnell is not in the best interests of our Great Country, I am giving serious consideration to taking away her Citizenship.  She is a Threat to Humanity, and should remain in the wonderful Country of Ireland, if they want her.”  While I’d typically scoff and call it ludicrous, stranger things have happened,  Sure, it’s beyond his power…for now.  Rosie wasn’t one to take this lying down.  “the potus ladies n gentlemen is a disgrace to all our beautiful country stands for- he is a danger to the nation – a mentally ill untreated criminal who lied to America for a decade on the apprentice – thanks mark burnett – and u fell for it – its so tragic – had u grown up in Ny – as I did and he did – you too would know what a total fool he is – add me to the list of people who oppose him at every turn – its now or never America us – my little posts from dublin upset him – go arrest a few brown people u truly evil man child.”

Back in 2021, some guy driving a pickup truck vandalized the rainbow crosswalk in Delray Beach, Florida on Donald Trump’s birthday.  I was reminded of this story when I read that Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy wants a nationwide ban on all rainbow crosswalks.  He claims his intent is to make intersections safe from “distractions”.  He also stated that “roads are for safety, not political messages or artwork.”  You may recall that Sean is an alum of The Real World, as is his spousal equivalent, Rachel Campos, who first came to our attention as a dear friend of Pedro Zamora (I believe she also banged Puck, but that’s another story).

Since we’re discussing the UK (perfect for our post-Fourth of July column), we got the following Ask Billy question from Randy in London: “What do you think about the controversy regarding Dermot O’Leary’s bulge?”

Dermot O’Leary is a popular British presenter and formerly hosted The X Factor.  Once on Loose Women (a rip-off of The View), he was asked what he wore to bed.  “Normally I’m a commando guy, but the last couple of weeks or so it’s been so cold, I’ve got a nice little pair of lounge pants and a loose-fitting T-shirt”.  You’ll note he didn’t mention any undies, which brings us to the latest story.  After hosting This Morning last week, the network got complaints from viewers who claimed they were seeing a bit too much of Dermot.  They were divided regarding his choice of underwear.  A large portion thought along these lines: “Dermot has definitely got Y-front/briefs on to get a bulge like that,” said one, while another said, “Very risky with such loose clothing.”  On the other side, the comments were more like this: “Does Dermot not wear underwear?  Lord, it’s flapping about like a windsock,” and “OMG!  Is Dermot O’Leary not wearing any underwear today?  Something doesn’t look right.”  Looks perfectly fine to me, but you can decide for yourself when you see him on BillyMasters.com.

When we’re picturing Luke and Zane going the distance…together, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Talk about fast and furious!  I think This Morning should do a special spot promoting Hercules.  That way, Dermot and Luke can discuss undergarments.  To see your favorites in and out of undies, check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that never fakes it.  If you have a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Babs is CGIed into the next Fockers flick!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Last month, a live stage musical based on Disney’s animated feature Hercules began previews at London’s Drury Lane Theatre.  Advanced word has been mixed, but certainly the titular Hercules does not disappoint.  In fact, his titulars are in full view for most of the evening in costumes that appear to have come out of a vintage International Male catalogue.  I am certainly the last one to say anything against a white mesh tank top.  But I’m just not sure it has anything to do with Ancient Greece, or even the musical Grease.  Actor Luke Brady looks good in what little garb he’s wearing, but his preening and likeable smile seem straight out of an audition for a Pepsodent commercial!  Still, he can sing, as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

I can’t help but think the producers missed the boat when it came to casting.  Sexy Zane Phillips has actually coveted the role and was hoping to get a call.  “I would love to do it.  It’s so funny like, I have a musical theater background.  I’ve sung that song in a weird, random cabaret before.  Yeah, I love that movie.”  Needless to say, the song he’s talking about is “Go the Distance”, and because we know you’ll ask, you can see (and hear) Zane tackle the little ditty on BillyMasters.com.

Since I’m a creature of habit, I took a quick drive down to Provincetown to see Varla Jean Merman’s latest offering, The Drowsy Chappell Roan.  Fans of last year’s Errors Tour will be tickled to find Varla has moved on from Taylor to seamlessly shaft a slew of sappy singers – from Chappell to people like Sabrina Carpenter, Billie Eilish, Dua Lipa, Miley Cyrus, and even Trudie Styler (Mrs. Sting to you).  Trust me, nobody is spared – including R. Kelly, P. Diddy, and even people with two full names!  The parodies are as sharp as ever, and the visuals are outstanding.  The secret weapon?  No, not Varla’s dog Jasper.  It’s Merman’s long-suffering assistant, Brian, who manages to top himself – a skill much in demand in Provincetown.  What is a Varla show without a touching ending – and this one touched me in a very special place…or was that the waiter.  It’s a fast, frolicking, rip-roaring show with some outrageous costumes, clever insights, and a whole lotta laughs.  She’ll be at The Crown and Anchor (OnlyAtTheCrown.com) through September 20^th. And then, she hits the road!

Speaking of touring, the Jonas Brothers planned their large-scale Greetings From Your Hometown tour for this summer and fall.  But demand hasn’t exactly been what they anticipated, which led to some of the venues being…well, “downsized”.  The show at LA’s Dodger Stadium will now take place at the Intuit Dome in Inglewood.  The Philly show at Citizens Bank Park will now take place at the Freedom Mortgage Pavilion.  Chicago’s Wrigley Field has moved to Tinley Park’s Credit Union 1 Amphitheatre.  And the DC show at Nationals Park will now slide into Jiffy Lube Live.  Sometimes you can’t go home again.

Last week, the new production of Evita opened in London.  And, as long as you don’t mind seeing the hit song sung on a video screen, I suppose it’s fine.  You’d be forgiven if you thought this was a rehash of Sunset Blvd – no sets, leads in underwear and blood.  It just screams Nicole Scherzinger.  Once Scherzy wraps up on Broadway, she’s taking her show on the road – her solo show, that is.  While details are as scant as her outfits, we know a few details.  We already announced she’s playing Carnegie Hall on October 8^th at 8PM (something tells me there could be a midnight “adult-only” show).  Typically, performers like to try out their material out of town.  So Nicole will run through the show on October 6^th…at the Royal Albert Hall in London!  Then she hits Disney Hall in Los Angeles on October 30^th.  We’re told talk of a Vegas residency is ongoing.

“We’re so alike.  Neither of us is that attractive.”
– Barbara Walters’ comment to Katie Couric, as revealed in the
Hulu documentary, Barbara Walters – Tell Me Everything.

Lies, Lies, Lies.  No, this doesn’t have anything to do with that bill (which sullies the name of Bill for us all).  It’s not even political.  It’s about those nefarious folks who run CVS.  Sure, it’s great to pick up a prescription allegedly 24 hours a day, 7 days a week – in theory.  But when I showed up at one such branch to pick up some medication for my ailing father, do you know what I was told?  “Come back in a half hour – we always close the pharmacy for lunch!”  So, I looked on Google, on their app, even on the sign at the desk.  You know what it didn’t say?  Closed for lunch!  It said 24/7, not 23.5 hours a day.  In fact, the app said, “Open Now”.  LIARS!

A dear friend claims that Meryl Streep has what he called a “Golden Rule” – she doesn’t do sequels.  But has she actually ever said that?  Because I can’t find any evidence of it.  She did say she isn’t particularly interested in sequels because she likes to create new characters.  That was clearly before she did the Mamma Mia! sequel.  In that instance, she claims to have done it because she loved the people and “it was so much fun”.  Maybe that’s why she’s filming The Devil Wears Prada 2.  Shooting began last week in New York.  We hear that Miranda needs ad revenue for the flailing Runway, and Emily is now heading a luxury ad agency.  Will Andy help broker a deal?  How is Miranda’s latest marriage to Kenneth Branagh?  And who exactly is Nigel sleeping with?  Stay tuned.

Proving anything is possible, Vin Diesel claims that the next Fast and the Furious flick will not only be the last in the franchise, it will also star Paul Walker!  Paul Walker, who died in 2013 (at the peak of his gorgeousness)?  We’re told he’ll come back courtesy of CGI.  If that’s the case, CGI me in the audience, ‘cause I’m not going.

We’ve all heard there will be another Fockers flick – but don’t count on Barbra showing up.  While she’s amused that Ariana Grande has been cast, Streisand was pretty blunt when asked about it by the convalescing Marc Malkin: “They’d have to pay me a lot of money because I didn’t get paid what the other people got paid and so I’m pissed off.  I was in the time when women were getting paid less than the men.  The head of Universal was Ron Meyer at the time, and he actually sent me a bonus check.  It was very sweet.”  I find it hard to believe Blythe got more than Barbra!

Here’s a reunion with a twist – literally.  Michelle Williams and Mike Faist have been cast in an off-Broadway revival of Anna Christie.  Now, follow this connection.  Michelle Williams was in Brokeback Mountain with husband Heath Ledger.  Heath’s love interest was played by Jake Gyllenhaal.  When Brokeback was mounted (so to speak) as a play in London, Jake’s role of Jack Twist was played by…Mike Faist!  Bing, bang, boom, Michelle’s latest love interest is the love interest of her deceased husband.  Kinda…

This week’s Ask Billy question is a fitting end to Pride Month.  Victor in Chicago says, “I just watched Enigma.  Didn’t you mention you were friends with April Ashley?  Do you know Amanda Lear too?”

Let me explain this for those of you who had enough trouble following that soap item.  Enigma is a documentary by Zackary Drucker, who is a transsexual woman and apparently a documentary filmmaker.  The doc focuses on April Ashley and Amanda Lear.  While most people know Lear as kinda a singer and occasional model, Ashley is less known in this country.  April Ashley was one of the first (and certainly most notable) transsexuals in the UK.  She became a high-profile fashion model, a Vogue cover girl, and even an actress (she appears in The Road to Hong Kong with Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, and Joan Collins).  She married Lord Arthur Corbett, who occasionally liked to dress up in drag.  When she asked for a divorce, he asked for an annulment, claiming that since she was born a man, the marriage was invalid.  The court agreed, and April didn’t get a cent.

From that point on, April was open about her entire story – which included working at the infamous Le Carrousel club in Paris.  At that time, she claimed to have been very close to a young Amanda Lear, who was then known as Peki d’Oslo.  However, Lear has always vehemently denied these claims – despite photographic evidence to the contrary.  There’s even a police report which lists the two names as belonging to the same person.  Drucker did extensive interviews with Lear and did everything possible to try and cajole her into coming clean.  Lear laconically continued to deny the claims.  When told of Ashley’s allegations, she calls her “a drunk”.  Drucker also tracked down several of the surviving Carrousel girls, who share their memories and weigh in on the controversy (most side with Ashley).  Enigma is running on HBO and is worth checking out.

When Amanda Lear is relevant, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  I should mention I first met April Ashley at the 1988 Academy Awards.  Cher may have won, but when I saw this striking, elegant woman across the room, I knew I had to meet her.  My opening line was that she reminded me of Vivien Leigh.  “I do hope you mean when she was still alive,” said April.  That’s my kinda lady!  At one point, a biopic of her life was going to be made starring Catherine Zeta Douglas Spartacus Jones – talk about perfect casting.  If it ever happens, you’ll certainly read about it on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that always gives it to you straight.  Should you need anything else from me, send a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Kevin Spacey actually makes that comeback – perhaps on The Comeback!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Kevin Spacey is once again on the comeback trail, and has “forgiven those who rushed to judgment”.  And if there’s one thing missing from my life, it’s Spacey’s forgiveness.  Now I can sleep soundly!  He made his remarks at the Italian Global Series Festival, where he also said he’s “incredibly excited about going back to work in a substantial way.”  I’m also excited about sleeping with Brad Pitt – but it doesn’t mean that it’s happening. 

Jussie Smollett is back in the news.  Blasted all over social media are photos of Smollett getting down on his knees – which certainly doesn’t surprise moi!  He’s doing it in front of someone identified as his boyfriend, Jabari Redd (no relation to Sharon Redd or, presumably, Redd Foxx).  The caption said, “I’ll be spending my birthday with my Fiancé…He said YES!”.  While I wish them the best, the word “prenup” springs to mind.

You know who else is coming back?  Lisa Kudrow…or rather her character Valerie Cherish.  Yes, HBO is bringing back The Comeback for what is being billed as its “third and final season”.  For those of you keeping track, season one aired in 2005.  Season two popped up in 2014.  And season three is due in 2026.  It’s like America’s version of Absolutely Fabulous.  When you least expect it, BOOM, it’s back!

As Heidi used to say, “In fashion, one day you’re in.  The next day, you’re out”.  And the fashion industry’s leading player is out – allegedly of her own accord.  Anna Wintour has announced that she is going to “step aside” as editor of Vogue.  But everyone is quick to mention she will continue as Chief Content Officer for Condé Nast – which sounds like one of those jobs where you get a check to stay home (my ideal job).

I’m going to preface this next story by saying there is no gay angle…that I know of.  But it does involve two or three really hot men.  If you’re watching The Young and the Restless, you know that the show has been building up to reveal the identity of mysterious mogul Aristotle Dumas.  All of a sudden, out pops someone I’ve never seen before in my life.  And Lily says, “Cane?”.  And I’m asking, “Cane?”.  Because Cane was played by another of my pals, the delicious Daniel Goddard – who was Dar in television’s Beastmaster.  But Daniel is currently on General Hospital, so I guess he couldn’t reprise the role of Cane.  So in walks Billy Flynn – not the character from Chicago, but a soap actor who previously played Chad on Days of Our Lives.  And one of his first scenes on Y&R was with Conner Floyd, who plays Chance.  The next day, it’s announced that Floyd just got a new role – to play Chad on DOOL!  What will happen to Chance?  I’m not at liberty to say anything other than…stay tuned!

You know who didn’t perform for the gays?  JoJo Siwa.  Should you think my dismissive attitude has anything to do with her fluid sexuality, you’re mistaken – I never liked her.  JoJo was scheduled to appear at Chicago Pride on June 29^th.  A week in advance, the Back Lot Bash announced on its website that Siwa would not be appearing, due to a “scheduling conflict”.  Said “conflict” coincided with an interview in which she revealed she was never actually a lesbian.  “When I came out at 17, I said, ‘I’m pansexual because I don’t care [about gender]’.  But then I kinda boxed myself in and I said, ‘I’m a lesbian’.  And I think I did that because of pressure.”  Couldn’t she have waited until Pride Month was over to make that revelation?

Last week, several Democratic Senators held a private event at the Justice Forum at the Kennedy Center.  Those senators were John Hickenlooper, Tammy Baldwin, Jacky Rosen, Brian Schatz and Elizabeth Warren (who was almost my neighbor…but that’s another story).  They hired the producer of Hamilton to put together a show called Love Is Love, which featured John Cameron Mitchell and the Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington DC.  You’ll recall that the chorus had cancelled performances at the Kennedy Center.  Hickenlooper posted the following on Instagram: “Today we hosted a Pride celebration at the Kennedy Center… The LGBTQ+ community has long embodied resilience, maintaining joy and creativity in the face of adversity.  It’s what America and the arts are all about.  This is about standing up for freedom.  It’s about standing up for self-expression.  At the core of it all, it’s about standing up for love.”

Have you heard that Caesars Palace is trying to open a casino in the middle of Times Square?  Because that’s what the most congested place in the USA needs.  However, it’s hard for me to bash the idea when they’ve pledged $5 million to support a local LGBTQ+ health center.  Plus you know how the gays love to shove things into slots…

“It can be stressful for a 19-year-old heterosexual boy
to sit in a room and give another man a blowjob.”
– Joshua Jackson discusses his first day on the set of Cruel Intentions.

You know Pride Month is coming to an end when Broadway Bares takes place in NYC.  This annual shindig is a kinda burlesque show where (mostly) Broadway stars get to appear in various forms of undress and strut their stuff.  It was started in 1992 by a group of dancers who wanted to raise funds for the fight against AIDS.  One of those dancers, the multi-hyphenate Jerry Mitchell, has worked each year to top himself – good work if you can get it!  This year’s edition raised a record-breaking $2,447,967 for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS.  For the eighth year in a row, the bulk of those funds were raised by our pal Mark MacKillop – who brought in an outstanding $277,500.  To put that into perspective, the runner-up was Jennifer Geller, who brought in $52,607.  I will remind everyone that despite these impressive numbers, Mr. MacKillop is still not “Broadway’s own”, as no producer has been bright enough to cast him on the Great White Way.

This year’s show was subtitled “Come Out, Come Out” and had a Wizard of Oz theme.  Rather than Dorothy, their lead was Dante (played by Bradley Gibson from The Lion King).  There were a number of special guests, including Todrick Hall, Alex Newell, and even Nicole Scherzinger, who dashed over from the set of Sunset Blvd to join her dancers for a performance of the Pussycat Dolls’ “Buttons”.  Videos can be found on BillyMasters.com.

Our Ask Billy question come from Linda in Maine: “I remember a while ago you wrote about seeing a production of Gypsy with a Mama Rose who wasn’t white.  But everyone says Audra is the first.  Am I crazy?”

You may be – I’m no doctor.  But you are also correct.  Audra is not the first woman of color to play Mama Rose.  She is, however, the first to do so on Broadway.  You’re obviously a longtime reader because Leslie Uggams played the role at the Connecticut Repertory Theatre in 2014.  Uggams has also been the lead in Hello, Dolly!, Anything Goes, Cabaret, Mame, and even Master Class – a play also based on a real-life Caucasian woman (Maria Callas).  Should you be curious, footage of Uggams in Gypsy can be found on BillyMasters.com.

When the Big Bad Wolf is staying put in the pokey, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  It’s also a good time to let Tyler Perry know that this writer is not only available, but loves pizza and biscuits!  That said, I’m not what one would call discreet, as you’ll see on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that makes for good bedtime reading!  If you have a question for me, send it to Billy@BillyMasters.com (along with roses of assorted colors) and I promise to get back to you before I give anyone a refund.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

After two heavy subjects, let’s turn to youth suicide.  OK, certainly not a lighter subject.  Over these many decades, I’ve written about the work done by The Trevor Project – the suicide prevention hotline specifically focusing on LGBTQ+ youths.  I was unaware of the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.  You know how you can call 911 in case of an emergency?  Well, apparently you can call 988 if you’re having suicidal thoughts or concerns for someone else.  And if you press 3, you would be connected to someone specifically catering to LGBTQI+ people under 25…until July 17^th.  The hotline, which is funded by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), is a subsidiary of the US Health and Human Services Agency (HHS).  They have determined that there’s no need to specifically “silo LGB+ youth services” – note that the government took the “T” out (they also took out the “Q”, the “I”, and any other letters that follow).  They claim this is to “focus on serving all help seekers, including those previously served through the Press 3 option”.  They also say, “Anyone who calls the Lifeline will continue to receive compassion and help.”  That remains to be seen.  Critics claim the exclusion of the “T” only underscores the administration’s attempt to erase the trans community.  Trevor Project CEO Jaymes Black said, “Suicide prevention is about people, not politics.”  They will continue to be available to those in need.

While Wolf was in court, Tyler Perry was slapped with a $260 million lawsuit by actor Derek Dixon, who had the role of gay store clerk in The Oval.  According to the lawsuit, “Mr. Perry took his success and power and used his considerable influence in the entertainment industry to create a coercive, sexually exploitative dynamic with Mr. Dixon – initially promising him career advancement and creative opportunities, such as producing his pilot and casting him in his show, only to subject him to escalating sexual harassment, assault and battery, and professional retaliation when Mr. Dixon did not reciprocate Mr. Perry’s unwanted advances.”  According to Dixon, he met Tyler while working at a party in 2019.  Perry asked if he was an actor, and they exchanged numbers.  There were quite a few texts (which Dixon has saved), and Tyler eventually gave him a role in the series Ruthless.  A month later, he gave Dixon a new car, allegedly because Tyler didn’t like Dixon’s Jeep!  At no point did Dixon sense any quid pro quo.  But he claims that Perry said his ideal relationship would be a male who he could provide for, who would be loyal, but emotionally detached.  “Whoever ends up with me is gonna be a happy motherfucker.”  Where do I apply?

A few months later, Derek was at Tyler’s for dinner.  They drank a bit too much, so Perry suggested Derek spend the night in a guest room.  Here is the lawsuit’s account of what happened: “Dixon was tired and did not have pajamas and so he got into bed only wearing underwear.  Before he knew what was happening, Dixon felt someone else slip into bed behind him and start rubbing Dixon’s body around his inner thigh in a highly sexual and suggestive manner.  Dixon turned around and saw that Tyler Perry was in bed with him.”  Derek allegedly told Tyler he wasn’t really into sex and left quickly the next morning.  Shortly thereafter, he got this text from Tyler: “I would hope you would let some one hold you and make love to you.  You are missing the best years of your life my friend.  Trust me.  I hope you get past that block in your mind soon.”  Dixon told Tyler he was a devout Christian.  Tyler responded, “What’s it going to take for you to have guiltless sex?”  Buddhism was mentioned as an option.

Shortly thereafter, Derek’s role transitioned to Perry’s other series, The Oval.  Around that time, Tyler asked if Derek was a top or a bottom.  Dixon doesn’t reveal his response, but claims Perry said he was a top.  “When you have a big dick and when you hit the G-spot right on these bottoms, they go crazy.”  Around his birthday, Perry said that all he wanted was “Biscuits and BJ’s”, but all he ever got was “Biscuits” (which sounds good to me).

Derek pitched a pilot he wanted to shoot and Perry showed interest – and asked him to come to his house.  They discussed the show over numerous alcoholic beverages.  Derek tried to leave, but Perry wanted to show him a weight monitor he had.  He instructed Derek to strip to his underwear to try it, which he did.  Perry then allegedly pulled down Derek’s underwear and slapped his buttocks.  According to Derek, he protested but Tyler said, “Relax…just let it happen.”  The lawsuit describes the scene: “Dixon was naked, and being groped by a large, drunk, and sexually frustrated 6’5” man who had Dixon in his clutches.”  And then he came up with an idea – he told Perry he “couldn’t do anything sexual because he was so hungry.”  So Tyler ordered a pizza – probably Domino’s, because it would be there in 30 mins or less!  Dixon then locked himself in the guest bathroom.  The next day, Perry apologized for his actions and blamed it on the alcohol.

After more harassing calls and texts, Dixon started to believe Tyler was promising to produce his pilot in order to let the statute of limitations run out.  He reported the situation to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, and also said he would not return to The Oval – a decision he says cost him close to $400K.  Dixon claims Tyler told him he’d be in breach of contract if he told people why he quit.  Dixon claims to be coming forward to help other people, and claims that Perry “has been using his power and influence to molest, abuse, and sexually assault impressionable and vulnerable employees and actors who look to him for guidance and mentorship while pursuing their dreams.”  How conveniently he forgets about the car, the jobs, and the pizza!

Just as we were closing in on the one-year anniversary of his arrest, Austin Wolf finally appeared in court for his preliminary hearing.  As you’ll undoubtedly recall, the Feds raided the gay porn superstar’s home on June 28, 2024 and arrested him for sending and receiving hundreds of child pornography videos.  People kept asking for updates.  Curiously, the preliminary hearing kept getting delayed in one-month increments…until last week.  Wolf (real name: Justin Heath Smith) was on one side of the courtroom.  The Assistant District Attorney was on the other.  The charges were read, which included interstate commerce, enticing a minor to engage in activity in the facility of another individual, and oral sex with an individual younger than 17 years old.  And then, Wolf pled guilty!

However, he made no mention of the child pornography.  “In late 2023 or early 2024, I induced a 15-year-old to engage in a sex act, I don’t remember through text or [social media], but phones were definitely used.  I know what I was doing was wrong.  I apologize.  I knew it was wrong when I did it.  I don’t blame anyone else for my conduct.  It was another person engaging in the conduct.  I take full 100 percent responsibility for my actions and I am prepared for the consequence,” said Wolf in what sounds like a very carefully crafted statement.  We’re told the child pornography charges will be dropped in light of his admission of guilt to the more serious crime.  The minimum mandatory charge is 10 years in prison.  He will be sentenced on September 9^th.

In a curious codicil to this story, one unknown man was in the courtroom.  After the hearing, he identified himself as a “former fan” of Austin Wolf.  “I wish I could get a refund on all the money I spent on his videos.”

Lucie Arnaz Jr. proved that you can go home again.  She recently took part in a fundraiser at Paramount Pictures called Lucie on the Lot that celebrated the 75^th anniversary of Desilu.  There was a screening of her 1993 Emmy-winning documentary, Lucy & Desi: A Home Movie, a Q&A, a meet-and-greet, and a cocktail party.  This was all done to help Raji Ahsan raise money to finish production on his short film, Dr. Sam (Lucie plays his mom).  Also at the event was Keith Thibodeaux, who played Little Ricky on I Love Lucy.  During the Q&A, Lucie shared her real feelings about Aaron Sorkin’s 2021 film Being the Ricardos.  You’ll recall at the time LL called it “freakin’ amazing”.  With the passage of time comes the loosening of lips.  “I was involved, and I tried to work on it and correct the incorrect parts…but, you know, you can’t talk to Aaron.  He’s Aaron Sorkin.”  She added that after she’d present her ideas, he’d dismissively say, “Well, what do you know?  You were 15 months old.”  Even Thibodeaux was perplexed.  “It’s well done and all that, but I just didn’t get it.”

Our Ask Billy question comes from Joshua in San Francisco: “I heard Michael Sam has a new boyfriend.  Who is it and what ever happened to his fiancé, Vito?”

God bless my readers.  I completely forgot that Michael (former defensive lineman in the NFL) got down on his knees for Vito Cammisano.  And do you know why?  Because that happened in 2015!  Look, I’m lucky I know the names of most guys I slept with last week (it all gets blurry into double digits).  FYI, Vito is now a realtor in Dallas – should you be interested in obtaining something with hardwood!  As for Sam, he’s recently been linked with professional figure skater, Colin Grafton, who has appeared on the UK show Dancing on Ice.  Colin (a Boston native) is quite fit and enjoys showing some skin on social media.  But he seems to have a whole Melissa Joan Hart thing happening around his eyes.  Or perhaps it’s those Joan Collins eyebrows.  Anyway, the twosome has not gone public in any way.  In fact, there aren’t even photos of them together.  But according to reliable “sources” (whoever they are), the two are “casually dating”.  Like me and those 11 guys last week – doesn’t get more casual than that (but at least we have video footage)!  To check out Michael and Colin (separately), head over to BillyMasters.com. 

When a football player is doing a figure skater, and I’m doing a football team, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  It’s all about stamina…and staying hydrated.  And you better do both before you check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’s hot and steamy.  If you have a question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Nicole and Cole kiss and make up.  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Speaking of road shows, Les Misérables just opened at The Kennedy Center.  Interviewed on the red carpet opening night, Donald Trump expressed his love for the show – although he displayed a shocking lack of knowledge of the plot.  When asked if he related more to Javert or Jean Valjean, he looked like someone asked him to multiply 3 times 9.  “Oh, that’s a tough one – the last part of that question.  That’s tough.  I think you better answer that one, honey – I dunno.”  Yes, he just tossed Melania under the bus.  Her response?  She just gave that perplexed look and shrug, as if to say, “My English is not so good-looking!”  Plus, she had earlier stated her favorite show is Phantom of the Opera (El Presidente is more partial to Cats).  Anyway, TACO and Melanie looked like Rhodes Scholars next to JD Vance, who posted the following: “About to see Les Misérables with POTUS at the Kennedy Center.  Me to Usha: so what’s this about?  A barber who kills people?  Usha: (hysterical laugher)”.  Oh, that wacky Second Family!

Both the Trumps and the Vances were upstaged by four other people in the audience – drag queens!  And the gals had prime orchestra seats (dare I say better than the president).  Those seats were provided by Qommittee – which is a nonprofit network of drag queens fighting hate and censorship.  Here’s a fun fact – the seats were donated by season ticket holders who wanted the drag queens there when Trump and Vance were in attendance.  The queens in question were Tara Hoot, Mari Con Carne, Ricky Rosé, and Vangenesis – who quipped when El Presidente arrived, “He’s wearing more makeup than me!”  They did have some concern about going in, but added, “I think we brightened the audience as much as we possibly could.  We had so many kind words and people come up to us tonight.  It was just so delightful.”  Happy Pride!

For every Smash, there’s a Mamma Mia!, which apparently is the Dracula of musicals and cannot die.  It’s returning to the Broadway’s Winter Garden Theatre, where George Clooney’s Good Night, and Good Luck just broke every record in theatrical history.  We hear there could be a third Mamma Mia! movie being prepared for Sabrina Carpenter.  This begs the question – exactly when will they run out of ABBA songs?  I mean, is this film gonna be filled with B-side songs that nobody’s heard of?

Everyone has been asking me how George Clooney washed the grey back into his hair only hours after his matinee of Good Night, and Good Luck just hours prior to the Tonys.  He revealed to Seth Meyers that he’d been letting it grow out since the last full dye job in April and had very long grey roots, which they’d retouch for performances).  The moment the last show ended, he had a stylist on hand to trim his locks and return him to his salt and pepper ‘do.  By the way, he claims we haven’t seen the last of the show.  There are plans for a national tour and a London run.  Will George star in these endeavors?  Stay tuned.

“People are going to label you.  You have to be ready for that,
because it’s not going to be easy.  And I will be by your side 100%.”
– Gloria Estefan shares what she told her daughter Emily when she wanted to come out.

With the Tony Awards, we mark the end of Awards Season and also the beginning of Pride Month.  This is not happenstance – after all, nothing is gayer than the Tony Awards.  This year, Cole Escola was the first non-binary performer to win Best Leading Actor in a Play – beating poor George Clooney, who has said he didn’t think he had a chance.  What was the first thing Cole did after winning?  Throw some shade on Nicole Scherzinger – who he seemed to like during The Hollywood Reporter’s actors roundtable.  He was in the press room backstage when Nicole won her Tony for Best Leading Actress in a Musical – besting Audra McDonald.  And he quipped, “Wow, the speculating is over.  Four years.  Four more years.”  Most interpreted that as a reference to Scherzy liking a Russell Brand post where he was wearing a red cap with the words “Make Jesus First Again” in the MAGA style.  Cole clarified with a video: “When I made that joke…. I meant it like, well, she won, she’s who we’ve got for the next four years, as if I think winning Best Actress in a Musical is the same as winning a presidential election.  But, you know, people just want to pit us Broadway gals against each other.  And I think it’s sad.  I think it’s sad.”

Cynthia Erivo keeps going from strength to strength.  For instance, on the eve of the Tonys, was she home resting up for the big night?  Nope – she was in DC closing out the WorldPride concert!  Then she hosted the Tonys with her typical aplomb, including great opening and closing numbers (to say nothing of a stirring In Memoriam duet) and about a dozen frocks.  What’s next?  Well, I’ve already told you she’s starring in Jesus Christ Superstar this summer at the Hollywood Bowl…as Jesus!  Adam Lambert is Judas (I’ve always thought he’d make a fetching Mary Magdalene).  And she kicks off 2025 in London’s West End in a one-woman show, Dracula, where she plays 23 roles (shades of Dorian Gray).  It opens at the Noel Coward Theatre on February 4^th.

Near the beginning of the Tonys, Megan Hilty performed a number from “Death Becomes Her”.  And not just any number.  “For the Gaze” may be the gayest number to ever grace a Broadway musical, and Megan stopped the show in more ways than one.  Days later, she announced she’s stopping being in the show – at least temporarily.  “We are athletes.  And just like a professional basketball player, we are going to get injured from time to time – not because we aren’t good at our job, it simply comes with the territory because of the extraordinary demands we put on our bodies.  Thank you for your patience and support while I take this time to take care of myself to ensure my longevity with the show and my career, in general.”  Prior to announcing her month-long sabbatical, she revealed to The New York Times that she was diagnosed with tendonitis in her throat.

Of course, Megan starred in the TV show Smash.  While many readers of this column are fans of the short-lived series, apparently there weren’t enough fans to keep the Broadway musical open.  After receiving only two Tony nominations and no wins, it will shutter on June 22^nd.