Category Archives: Breaking

Senate Slut Surfaces

Our Ask Billy question came in just under the wire.  Aaron in Texas writes, “Did you hear about that twink who filmed himself getting fucked in the Senate Chamber?  What’s the story with that?”

This story is ripped from the headlines, and I hope I can squeeze it in (that’s what he said).  The incident took place in Hart Senate Office Building Room 216, also known as the Senate Judiciary Hearing Room.  It shows a lad wearing only a black jockstrap bent over a desk and being penetrated from behind.  It was clearly shot by the top.  While the public video has been edited to protect the participants’ identities, we’ve been sent the unedited version.  The twink in question is allegedly Aidan Maese-Czeropski, a legislative aide to Maryland Senator Ben Cardin.  It’s said that he posted a private Instagram story, saying he got some “thick German sausage” in the same room where “Sonia Sotomayor had her confirmation hearing”.  And they say kids don’t care about history!  While Aidan hasn’t confirmed this publicly, Senator Cardin’s office released a brief statement: “Aidan Maese-Czeropski is no longer employed by the U.S. Senate.”  Capitol Police is “aware and looking into this”.  As to the top in question, it is rumored to be Georg Gauger, a German who is studying International Affairs – I bet he is!  If you’re interested in checking out the video, as well as some of Aidan’s other adult material, go to BillyMasters.com.  

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When we’re slipping you the ol’ bratwurst, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  I smell an OnlyFans page in the making!  As if it weren’t bad enough that Aidan worked for a Democratic Senator, he also appeared in a TV ad for Joe Biden.  Well, anything to tie up the youth vote – and I suspect Aidan wouldn’t be opposed to that!  For more scintillating political coverage, check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that never holds back.  If you have a question, write to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Barry Manilow looks at another Playboy.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

 

Kylie’s Proposal

I must be in a crabby mood, because I’m gonna complain about another beautiful moment.  Kylie Minogue recently did a television special in London called An Audience with Kylie.  Many performers do these shows – the star comes out, sings some songs, answers some audience questions, and shares some fun stories.  During the telecast, a guy got up to ask Kylie a question.  Except he wasn’t alone.  Standing next to him were two young children and another guy.  So we all know it’s a gay family.  Fine.  After all, it is a Kylie Minogue show.  “This question isn’t for you.  It’s to your superfan, Martin.”  The guy turned to his partner and said, “Martin, will you marry me?”  Martin asks Kylie what she would say – ‘cause that’s obviously what really matters.  Kylie approves, and Martin says yes.  Minogue puts on her most “What a shocker” face and squeals, “Has that just actually happened?”  She asks the couple where they met, and they say, “At your concert.”  Of course they did.

Barry, Babs and Busch

I was in NYC to see Charles Busch and his troupe perform their annual Times Square Angel.  And, like all good theatre, it only started 6 minutes late.  For the past 24 years, this semi-staged epic has brought out faithful fans of Busch and his motley crew.  The play is kinda like a cross between It’s a Wonderful Life and I Want To Live and is based on an idea by Busch and Andy Halliday.  That the talented Halliday flew in from his new home in Palm Springs shows the devotion of the cast and the audience – many of whom come back year after year.  This one-night-only event sells out in a matter of minutes, and I made it my mission to finally attend.  I’m so glad I did.

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While I was in the Big Apple, I checked out the Broadway musical Harmony.  The story of six talented men singing their way through Weimar Germany is ripe for theatricality.  It’s also a story that has universality.  The Comedian Harmonists were basically a boy band.  The sextet was put together by someone who took out an ad in the paper looking for hot young men who could sing – and you thought Lou Pearlman came up with that on his own (that Backstreet Boys first hit in Germany is no coincidence).  Kudos to the outstanding cast…to single out any of them would be ungallant.  Alas, the culprit of the night was not the Nazis; it was Bruce Sussman, who wrote the book.  This story is clumsily told through a hodgepodge of badly conceived scenes that only hint at what is probably a fascinating story.  Musically, it’s impossible to judge Barry Manilow’s score, which is presented in truly awful orchestrations.  I know it takes place in Germany, but less timpani and tuba, please.  Amidst the cacophony, there are striking harmonies and some lovely moments.  Young Rabbi has a song that would make a terrific 11 o’clock number.  Alas, it happens 20 minutes in.  Instead, the show culminates with poor Chip Zien’s overwrought mad scene, which drew more titters than tears.  However, I was intrigued enough to look up the group’s history, so there’s a silver lining.  And, as I always say, it’s hard to dislike any show where someone is wearing a monocle!

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Manilow gets a second mention in this column due to a revelation he made to Kelly Clarkson.  Back in his early days, Playboy played a pivotal part in his career.  “I was a desperate young guy.  I didn’t know what to do with my musical life.  So I saw this thing in Playboy magazine.  My stepfather used to buy it, I think.  So I wrote to them saying, ‘I have an offer to go on the road with a girl singer.  In order to do that, I needed to leave my job at CBS as the mailboy.  Which one should I do?’  And they wrote back and they printed it.  They said take the job outside and follow your musical notes.  And I did it.  I left CBS.”

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It was just announced that Barbra Streisand will be given the SAG Life Achievement Award at the 2024 Screen Actors Guild Awards.  And certainly she deserves it.  But, you know, it’s not exactly the same as winning an award in competition.  This is something being “bestowed” onto her.  To the best of my knowledge, Streisand has never actually won a SAG Award, and this honorary stuff doesn’t really fly with me.  Like that Tony Award for “Star of the Millennium” or whatever they called it.  It’s not a real Tony.  It’s a “Let’s give Streisand a reason to show up on our telecast” award.  You know what an EGOT is without a Tony?  It’s just EGO.

Cher and Madonna

“I wouldn’t be in it now if they gave me a million dollars. 
I’m never going to change my mind. 
They can just go you-know-what themselves.” 

Cher tells Kelly Clarkson her thoughts on being snubbed by the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame
especially in light of having #1 hits in seven decades.  She pointed out that only The Rolling Stones
can also boast that achievement.  “It took four of them to be one of me!”

There’s nothing like being in New York City for the holidays.  Everyone’s filled with good cheer…unless they’re in Brooklyn to see Madonna.  Then they had to be filled with a whole lotta patience.  The sold-out show was scheduled to start at 8PM.  Since it’s Madonna, you know you’re gonna wait.  Maybe till 9PM, or even 9:30PM.  By 10:30PM, there was still no sign of Madonna – and no announcement of alleged technical difficulties.  So large segments of the audience began leaving and booing.  Here’s my question – why didn’t everyone just band together and demand a refund?  This show needed someone like Sally Field holding up a sign!  For Christ’s sake, it was a weeknight.  People have to work in the morning to pay for the thousand-dollar tickets.  And Madge wants to play games?  It’s just so disrespectful.

By the way, this is not an attack solely on Madonna.  This is an attack on rudeness and bad behavior.  A few months ago, Lauryn Hill got bad press with her perpetually late appearances.  Her response?  “Yo, y‘all lucky I make it on this blood rase stage every night.”  No, Lauryn, YOU’RE lucky people are paying to see your tardy ass!

Guys of the ’80s

Our Ask Billy question is about some other ladies.  Harry in Seattle writes, “Because of you, I watched Ladies of the ‘80s: A Divas Christmas.  I’m curious about the guys.  Who is that British guy who played Alex?  WOOF!  And the opening credits listed Scott Evans, but I never saw him.  Did he get left on the cutting room floor?”

Lifetime’s attempt at a holiday flick starring five nighttime soap divas had its moments.  But it is definitely not the film they intended to make.  Pretty much nothing about the ages or relationships or story makes much sense.  Nicollette Sheridan’s character talks about going to Limelight in NYC with her “bestie” Donna Mills back in the day.  However, Mills is 22 years older than Nic – so it’s unlikely that a 21-year-old was clubbing regularly with her 43-year-old co-star.  And on the soap, Morgan Fairchild played the mother (well, maybe stepmother) to Sheridan, Mills, Linda Gray, and Loni Anderson.  Except Fairchild is younger than all her “children” – with the exception of Sheridan.  Turns out Joan Collins was originally cast as “mother”, Morgan was going to play the Nicollette role, and Jaclyn Smith was going to play the Linda Gray part.  Then the writers and actors strikes loomed, and Lifetime gave them 13 days to shoot the movie or scrap it.  The scheduling didn’t work for Joan and Jaclyn, who dropped out, Morgan decided she’d rather play “mother”, and Nicollette and Gray joined the cast.  One additional detail bears mentioning.  When the characters are texting each other, the graphics show the actresses’ real names, not their characters’ names!  Simply put, this movie is a mess…but a fun mess.

Getting back to Harry’s question, let’s talk about the guys.  He didn’t mention it, but I thought it was clever to have Christopher Atkins play Gray’s love interest…again!  As for Scott Evans, he was in there.  I know you were expecting Chris Evans’ hunky (and gay) brother.  Wrong one!  This Scott Evans is actually the African-American entertainment reporter on Access Hollywood.  As to Alex, he was played by Travis Burns – who is Australian, thank you very much – although he has some Brit in him.  Alas, not in the romantic sense.  He is reportedly straight, with a wife and a kid.  Still, I found him reminiscent of a young Maxwell Caulfield in Grease 2 – and I can’t think of a better compliment.  And the scene when he was writing the soap in his underwear?  Let’s just say I was mighty distracted.  If the writer of this flick looked like that, you’d be calling me little Billy Zimmerman!  Still, I’m in debt to Stan for including the scene – which you can see on BillyMasters.com.  

 

Amy & TJ Shake-Up

What happens to people who don’t have a career?  They start a podcast.  Amy & T.J. comes from Amy Robach and T.J. Holmes, former co-workers on Good Morning America who were fired when their secret affair went public.  “We’re the folks who lost the jobs they love because we love each other,” they say.  I confess I still don’t understand why ABC fired them, since they really didn’t do anything wrong.  Unless you were married to them.

This leads to one of my favorite stories of the year.  According to reports, the former spouses of Robach and Holmes are dating…each other!  Allegedly, Andrew Shue (formerly of Melrose Place) and Marilee Fiebig have been dating for six months.  Of course, nobody will confirm the report.  Maybe they’re trying to keep it a secret!

 

Rockin’ Around #1

One person puts them both to shame.  Brenda Lee has been singing “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” for 65 years.  And last week, the song went five-times platinum and finally hit #1 on the Hot 100!  She recorded the song when she was 13 – which, for those of you doing the math, still makes her younger than Darlene Love, but a year older than Cher.  While this is the third #1 of Lee’s career, it is the first time the song hit the top of the charts.  The secret sauce (so to speak) was that this year she released a music video for the song – which featured Tanya Tucker and Trisha Yearwood.  You rock, Brenda!

Love Christmas

I love when I hear good news about a friend, and my pal Darlene Love just got some very good news.  In fact, it’s very overdue good news.  Her perennial holiday classic, “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)”, just went platinum!  And she had the platinum album presented to her by none other than Bruce Springsteen!  It happened at Love’s holiday show at New York’s Town Hall on November 30th.  The “overdue” part is because the song was released in 1963.  This year, the single has had a bit of resusitation since Cher included it on her Christmas collection – and turned it into a duet with Love.  Fun fact – Cher actually sang backup on the original recording 60 years ago!  Even more fun – during several of Cher’s tours, Darlene sang backup for her!  She’s featured prominently on Cher’s Live from the Mirage concert video from 1990.

Not to be outdone, Cher got some good news of her own.  Her single, “DJ Play a Christmas Song”, just went to #1 on the Adult Contemporary chart.  While that might sound impressive, it bears noting she has not had a #1 on that chart since 1989’s “If I Could Turn Back Time” (“Believe” topped the Pop chart in 1999).

Luke Evans Shows Off

Rather than an Ask Billy question, I have a viewer comment.  Jesse in Baltimore writes: “You have to look at Luke Evans’ backstage video.  He’s looking mighty fine.”

He always does – I say without a trace of sarcasm or envy…OK, maybe a bit of envy.  The sexy, openly gay actor is currently appearing in London’s West End in Backstairs Billy – a play about Billy Tallon, an openly gay butler to the Queen Mum.  Evans, who is active on social media, posted a video sporting his impressive physique backstage with the caption: “Wanna burn body fat fast?  DO A WEST END SHOW!!!!  Dropped 8kg in 10 weeks!!  Only down side…it’s BLOODY WINTER.”  If you need to warm up, check out the video on BillyMasters.com.  

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When I’m considering auditioning for a West End show, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  Since we’ve run longer than usual, I’ll simply remind you to check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’s always golden.  If you have a question or a comment, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before George Santos applies for a job with Qatar Airways!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Broadway Buddies

The hit of the Broadway season is the off-Broadway transfer of Sondheim’s Merrily We Roll Along, with a talented trio at the center.  And therein could lie a problem.  You have one woman (Lindsay Mendez) and two men (Daniel Radcliffe and Jonathan Groff).  In a straight porn, that might be a great situation – especially if you throw in a cup!  But when it comes to the Tony Awards, it’s awkward.  Two guys competing against each other?  In a gay porn, that might be a great situation – cup or no cup!  In the film industry, producers determine what category they want people nominated in.  But on Broadway, the Tony Committee makes those decisions.  Being a revival, you’d think there might be a precedent.  However, the original production of Merrily only got one Tony nomination (for Sondheim’s score).  So this was new territory.  The Tony Committee has ruled that Radcliffe and Groff will not be competing against each other.  While both men are ostensibly leads, tradition dictates that the show is more about Groff’s character (Franklin Shepard) than Radcliffe’s (Charley Kringas).  As a result, Radcliffe will be submitted in the “featured” category – think “supporting actor”.  Tragedy averted.

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This leads beautifully into our latest installment of Billy’s Holiday Gift Giving Suggestions.  This week’s suggestion comes as a surprise not only to you, but to me, too.  This package was delivered to my home!  Yes, my actual home.  And NOBODY gets that address without a recent nude selfie!  In the box was Stephanie J. Block’s holiday collection, Merry Christmas, Darling.  It also included an allegedly “hand-signed” note, an ornament, a mini candy cane, and lots of that filling that everybody hates because once it’s out of the box, it’s all over your house!  I’m a fan of the lovely multi-award-winning Miss Block (and her hunky hubby, Sebastian Arcelus), so I promptly listened.  The collection has the expected traditional songs, a few holy selections, some unfamiliar tunes, all arranged with great style and taste.  And if she re-releases it next year, she could include her own rendition of Cher’s “DJ Play a Christmas Song”!  What might sound like a curious compliment about a singer is how impressed I am at how Block uses words.  She seems to always think as an actress first – creating a mood, an atmosphere, a connection with the story she’s trying to tell.  In a world of disposable holiday ditties, I consider Merry Christmas, Darling indispensable.

 

Not So Golden Bachelor

I preface my next story by saying I have not followed The Bachelor since Chris Harrison’s departure.  So, no, I have not watched a single episode of The Golden Bachelor.  But I have seen Gerry (curiously pronounced “Gary”) on talk shows, and I’ve had a feeling there’s something…well, “fishy” about him.  Last week, The Hollywood Reporter did a deep dive on his background, and all was not rosy.  Despite statements like “I haven’t dated in 45 years”, he actually began a three-year relationship with a woman…a month after his wife’s death in 2017!  The woman in question presented a text from Gerry which caught my eye: “Damn, I go to bed at night thinking of you and wake up in the morning thinking of you.”  Not the most scintillating prose, but it was sent less than three months after his wife’s death.  Please understand, I’m not one to cast stones.  I’ve been known to hit on the bereaved during memorial services!  It should also be noted that Gerry allegedly dumped this woman after she gained about ten pounds before his high school reunion.  “I’m not taking you to the reunion looking like that.”  Proving, once again, all that glitters is not gold.

No Rights in Qatar

I recently went to a gender reveal party.  Being gay (and a guy), I really wasn’t sure what to expect.  But I was hoping the hot daddy was going to reveal his gender.  I was slightly confused when the bride said, “We all have to take a bite and see what color the frosting is.”  I’ll play your silly game, you crazy straight people.  Imagine my surprise when she brought out a tray of cupcakes!  Suddenly bored, I went into the other room to play with the children – because, contrary to popular belief, I love kids.  In short order, they were dancing and squealing with delight.  Suddenly one mother popped her head in and yelled, “Calm down, Queenie!”  And I don’t even know this woman!  Then I found out she was actually saying “Calm down, Quincy!”  I’m looking around for some Jack Klugman look-alike, only to find out that Quincy is a girl.  And you wonder why boys are wearing dresses to school and girls are becoming cutters?

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Even with all our issues, we’re all lucky to be American.  This was driven home by the story of Gilbert Ignatius, who is a citizen of Indonesia and a flight attendant on Qatar Airways for 7 years.  He was celebrating his 32nd birthday at the Mondrian Hotel in Doha (Qatar) this past spring with a friend when they were detained by security.  They were taken to the private office of the Criminal Investigation Department – which sounds like a show even I wouldn’t watch!  One of the officers ran a moist towelette across Ignatius’ face to prove that he had on some tinted “moisturizer” – they’re very scientific in Qatar!  The officers demanded the guys’ passports, which they refused.  So they were escorted to the local police station and asked if they were prostitutes or if they ever engaged in homosexual activities.  Why?  Because of the tinted “moisturizer” and Gil’s Hermes belt.  It didn’t help when police found a photo of Ignatius shirtless at Bangkok Pride!  Ignatius proclaimed, “I am not a prostitute,” and asked to speak to the Indonesian Embassy.  He was told, “You have no rights.  This is Qatar” – which the tourist bureau might consider using as a national slogan!  Eventually they were released – without their passports.  Qatar Airways said Gilbert was grounded and couldn’t leave the country for several days.  Over a week later, a representative from the airlines drove the men to the Saudi Arabian border and told them they had been deported.  And fired – naturally!

 

Naked Attraction’s Semi

Our Ask Billy question comes from James in Chicago: “I heard one of the contestants on Naked Attraction got hard on the air.  Which episode is that in?”

Damn that Sunny Hostin.  You can’t let menopausal women on television see naked men – they simply can’t handle it.  Due to her numerous mentions of the series, everyone is now watching – which I suppose is a testament to the power of Sunny Hostin (or, rather, The View).  The episode in question originally aired in the UK on November 1, 2018.  For those of you wanting specifics, it was the second episode of season 4.  Zoe chose Jason, who was rockin’ a hot body, a cast on his leg, and had a “fucked-up haircut” (as Barbra would say).  In their final moments, Jason started to get a bit “aroused” on camera – I love when that happens.  I dunno if this episode can be seen anywhere else online other than on BillyMasters.com.  

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When we’ve got a grower and a shower, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  Since we just celebrated Thanksgiving, I like to send out my thanks to YOU – the readers of this column.  Thanks for tuning in for almost three decades.  In the spirit of giving, Billy Masters International will be celebrating Cyber Monday all week long.  To take advantage of my largess, head on over to www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’ll give you more than a semi!  If you have a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Francis turns the Coke to wine!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

More Queer Eye Drama

Two other guys who are no longer together are Antoni Porowski from Queer Eye and his now-former fiancé Kevin Harrington.  The twosome announced that they’ve split.  “After many conversations and reflections during the wedding planning process, Antoni and Kevin have amicably decided to part ways.”  I don’t want to call anyone a big fat liar, but I don’t know people who have broken up during wedding planning “amicably”.  Remember when some of his fellow Queer Eye guys weren’t invited to the bachelor party?  A few less gifts to be returned.

On the other end of the spectrum, some of the Suits are planning a reunion…kinda.  Recently, the basic cable show – which went off the air in 2019 – experienced an enormous resurgence due to Netflix.  This past August, it became the “most-watched acquired series in a single week” for the streamer.  It continued to top the charts for a record 12 weeks.  Due to this sudden popularity, a mini Suits reunion will take place at the 2024 ATX TV Fest in Austin, Texas.  Participants include creator Aaron Korsh, Sarah Rafferty, Dulé Hill, and Patrick J. Adams (who you can see naked from his time in Take Me Out on BillyMasters.com).  I know what you’re thinking.  And the answer is, who knows?  If they pony up enough money for security, possibly.  Some people really need attention.

Trouble with Hall and Oates

Have you heard about the drama between Daryl Hall and John Oates?  Hall has apparently gotten a temporary restraining order against Oates, and filed a sealed complaint trying to prevent him from performing their songs on his own.  To the best of my knowledge, anyone can sing any song anytime they want – provided it is not being broadcast or recorded for distribution or sale.  However, billing and advertisement are a different matter.  For instance, after The Supremes disbanded, Florence, Mary, or any of the other girls (including Diane) could not bill themselves as Supremes.  Mary could be billed as “The Supreme Mary Wilson”, but not “Mary Wilson of The Supremes”.  So perhaps John Oates is being restricted from using the term Hall & Oates.  Let’s throw in this wrinkle – despite many songs credited to Hall & Oates, Daryl claims that most of them were written and performed solely by him and that John did not participate in the recordings.  If so, why did he give up credit and money?  As we went to press, we learned from someone who has seen the sealed complaint that Daryl is attempting to stop John from selling his share of their joint publishing, Whole Oats Enterprises.  Why?  Primary Wave Music bought a large percentage about 16 years ago, so if they got ahold of Oates’ shares, Daryl would have someone to answer to.  Stay tuned.  Fun fact – Daryl Hall is also 77 years old!

Dolly, Cher, and the Pope

How was your Thanksgiving?  No matter what you did, there are over a thousand transgender Latin Americans in Italy who can top you – and who wouldn’t enjoy that?  What if I told you they had lunch with Pope Francis?  Oh, did I mention that many of them were prostitutes?  A Pope hanging out with hookers – nothing unusual about that!  After all, if it was good enough for Jesus…  As we previously reported, Francis recently signed an edict for trans people to have more rights within the church.  It’s all about baby steps.  The Pope broke bread with the group on the Catholic Church’s World Day of the Poor – proving that the Catholic Church thinks about the poor precisely one day a year!  The large luncheon was held in the papal audience hall.  While perusing the photos of Franny and the hookers eating, I couldn’t help but notice that the tables were laden with large bottles of Coca-Cola.  Product placement?  Well, someone had to pay for that lunch, which included cannelloni filled with spinach and ricotta, meatballs, and tiramisu.  If there’s one thing I’m sure of, hookers enjoy something sweet after their meatballs!

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Meanwhile Stateside, the 96th Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade telecast delivered the largest ratings EVER – and that’s also counting when people had only 2 channels to choose from!  Believe it or not, 28.5 million people tuned into NBC, Peacock, and a few other platforms.  But why?  To see Bell Biv DeVoeBrandyMiss America?  My pal Sheryl Lee Ralph?  Or Cher?  My money’s on Cher.  She “performed” her latest single, “DJ Play a Christmas Song”, and she almost knew enough lyrics to make the lipsynching look authentic.  But I don’t say that disparagingly.  To the best of my knowledge, nobody has ever performed live at the parade throughout these 96 years…and Cher should know!

More fascinating to me was watching Dolly Parton at the Cowboys-Commanders halftime show dressed as a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader.  While her entire body was encased in a flesh-colored sequin compression garment, she still looked pretty good.  Of course, she too was lipsynching, which amusingly included her patter between songs.  What really concerned me was that she was holding onto the set for dear life whenever she took a step.  Then again, she is 77 – the same age as Cher.  The last thing we need on Thanksgiving is for one of our divas to break a hip!

 

And Then There Were Four

The fab five are no more.  It’s been announced that Bobby Berk is leaving Queer Eye.  People behind the scenes whisper that he was “asked to leave”.  A source claimed that Bobby was not “vibing” with the rest of the cast, and that “his heart was not in it and the cast started to resent him because of that.”  I can’t say I’m surprised – especially since I’m not exactly sure which one he was.  I know he’s not the hot one.  And he’s not the black one with the talk show.  And he’s not the white-haired one.  When you’re part of “and the rest”, you’re somewhat dispensable.  The official word is that “the decision was amicable”.  Like Star Jones and The View.  Or Elisabeth Hasselbeck and The View.   And…well, virtually everyone who has left The View…except Meredith, naturally.  And, as they say on The View, I’m sure Bobby’s welcomed back any time.

It’s probably pouring salt in the wound to announce that Queer Eye has been picked up by Netflix for a ninth season.  Now, I know what you’re all thinking.  And, no, I probably wouldn’t be a good fit for the show.  The only hit that comes out of a Billy Masters show is Billy Masters, and that’s me, baby, remember?

Gage and Appleton Split

Now we’ve come to the story that you’ve all been waiting for.  When we do our year-end column, this will go from “Who is Lukas Gage?”, to “Is Lukas Gage Gay?”, to “What is Lukas Gage Doing With Kim’s Hairdresser?”, to “Are Lukas Gage and Chris Appleton Having Sex?”, to “Did Lukas and Chris Get Married?”, to “Did Chris Dump Lukas?”  All in less than a year.  It’s almost Kardashian-esque.  And it’s all true.  Just as we went to press last week, Chris Appleton filed for divorce from Lukas citing that old chestnut, “irreconcilable differences”.  Almost simultaneously, Gage changed his Facebook relationship status from Married to Divorced…and the papers were still warm from the Xerox machine!  What went wrong in this whirlwind romance?  Who can say.  Perhaps getting married faster than a pair of lesbians from Wellesley was the first mistake.  And perhaps having the ceremony performed by Kim Kardashian was an ominous choice.  Ironically, their wedding just appeared on a recent episode of The Kardashians – with Kim advising Chris to get a pre-nup.  He obviously took that advice, because we’re told both boys will leave the marriage with only what they came in with.  The downside is that Lukas will now have to pay for highlights.  And trust me – husbands come and go, but a good hairdresser is forever.

Many people have been asking me if The White Lotus will be back this summer.  Yes and no.  Yes, the show will be back and set in Thailand.  But due to the many strikes, production on season three will not start until February.  That likely means we won’t see another season until the end of 2024, or perhaps not until the summer of 2025.

Save ScottCakes

I’ve often talked about ScottCakes, a Provincetown institution.  The bakery is the brainchild of occasional actor, Scott Cunningham, who used to peddle his wares out of a red wagon after all the Ptown clubs closed.  Did I mention he’d wear a white terry robe?  And usually not much else!  Not surprisingly, the cupcakes took off…to say nothing of the robe!  Within a couple of years, Scott had a storefront for his delectable pink cupcakes, and he’s been a success ever since…until his landlord died.  Real estate is at a premium in Provincetown, and the landlord’s heirs want to sell the property.  But they’ve given Scott first refusal if he can match the offer.  Will he be able to pay in time?  Can he save his 15-year-old business?  And what happened to that robe?  To find out the answers to those questions and much more, check out his GoFundMe page.  I already did my part.  Then again, I’ve tasted his cream!

Pillow Talk

“I am saying to you if a woman is used to something the size of a baby leg
and you come in with a pinkie toe, there’s nothing you’re gonna do to please her…
If she’s itching for that baby leg, she want that baby leg!” 

Will Smith’s former assistant Brother Bilaal talks about what he saw in
the Pinkett-Smith household.  Or, rather, what he didn’t see.

I’d hoped to never again type the word “Jada” again.  But this week, it’s inevitable.  It is being alleged that actor Duane Martin (don’t feel bad – I had to look him up as well) slept with Will Smith.  But the story didn’t originate with Duane.  It came courtesy of Brother Bilaal, who was at one time allegedly Will’s assistant.  The J-word addressed the rumor during an appearance on The Breakfast Club.  “This is a person that tried a shakedown, a money shakedown that didn’t work.  We’re gonna take legal action, because it’s one thing to have your opinion about somebody versus just making up salacious, malicious stories.  That’s actionable, so we gonna roll with that.”

Strictly Come Bulging

Same-sex dancing partners have been commonplace for much longer on the UK’s Strictly Come Dancing.  This season brings us Layton Williams – known in the UK from many TV and West End productions.  His partner is the delicious Nikita Kuzmin – who is straight, but we’re not holding that against him (he also gets blonder every week).  Their dances have routinely been showstoppers.  It’s certainly been a banner season for Nikita, who got to open a recent show paired with fellow pro, the stunning Vito Coppola, in a mesmerizing same-sex love story set to “Something Just Like This”.  It brought down the house.  Kuzmin was born in Ukraine and raised in Italy (where he trained alongside Coppola).  When his parents showed up to see him in the studio, he got choked up.  “In the end, I’m just a kid from Ukraine who’s just living his dream.”  Clips can be found on our website.

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All this chit-chat about Strictly was sparked by an Ask Billy question worthy of answering in print.  Jared from London asks: “Are you watching Strictly?  What do you think of Bobby?  I’m sure you saw his package on the Halloween episode.  It’s made all the papers here.”

Now you’ve got my attention, and I tuned in.  Bobby Brazier is a 20-year-old, mop-topped, lanky lad best known for his role on the UK soap EastEnders.  He is the son of a contestant on the 2003 edition of Big Brother UK…so he was basically born into reality television.  In the Halloween episode, his pants weren’t extraordinarily tight.  But as the dance went on, a large, bulbous mass worked its way against his left thigh.  It was so distracting that Shirley Ballas (Mark’s mum) seemed speechless.  Even the typically unflappable Craig Revel Horwood appeared somewhat flapped.  He kept his comments to the dancing, but added, “Is there anything that bottom of yours can’t do?”  According to all the media reports, the BBC was flooded with phone calls.  Most were in favor of the bouncing bulge, while there were a few dissenters.  You can check it out for yourself on BillyMasters.com.  

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When we’re topping the leaderboard with someone’s bottom, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  I should mention that Brazier danced to “Come On-a My House”.  But not the Rosemary Clooney version.  This rendition was sung by Della Reese.  Who knew?  For more useless bits and bobs, check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’ll give you more than candy.  If you have a question, dash it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I plan my next trip to the UK.  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

 

Same Sex Dancing

I know I occasionally come off as someone who’s seen it all and isn’t fazed by much.  But last week, I was watching Dancing in the Stars (as Barbara Walters liked to call it) and there was a moment in the group dance when the pairs interchanged.  Suddenly we had four same-sex partnerships: Barry Williams and Sasha, Jason Mraz and Pasha, Alyson Hannigan and Peta, Ariana Madix and Daniella.  I have to confess, my little gay boy heart skipped a bit of a beat.  What’s most interesting is that none of the dancers nor the judges mentioned it – as if it were no big deal.  And I thought to myself…what a message they’re sending out.

 

Lulu and Belinda

Bad news for Belinda Carlisle.  For the third time, she will have to postpone an Australian tour.  I’ll let her tell you what happened.  “As you know, I’m supposed to be going to Australia next week for a tour that’s been rescheduled three times.  And I had an accident and damaged my knee and I have to have sort of emergency surgery tomorrow.  So this is all going to prevent me from going to Australia this time.  I’m embarrassed and I’m really, really, really sorry.  And I’m hoping that it gets rescheduled for 2024…if you’ll have me.”  Get well soon, Babe.

Meanwhile, the ageless Lulu is preparing to celebrate 60 years in showbiz (and her 75th birthday) with five special shows in the UK – culminating in a special evening at the London Palladium on April 17th.  And, yes, I think it goes without saying that the champagne will be flowing.

More Barbra Dish

“Fame is a hollow trophy.  No matter who you are,
you can only eat one pastrami sandwich at a time.” 

Wise words from Barbra Streisand.

You all know that Barbra Streisand’s book is out.  And I know you know this, because the majority of e-mails I received last week are about it.  Since the book is only slightly longer than War and Peace, and the audiobook clocks in at 48 hours, I haven’t made my way through the whole thing.  But I know you’ll want some details that you won’t read elsewhere.  So I skipped to the chapter about her attempt at filming Larry Kramer’s The Normal Heart.  At first, she was going to direct and star in it.  But there were numerous issues with Larry’s script, the casting, the money, and the studio.  After numerous roadblocks, Streisand stepped down as director in frustration.  Kramer asked George C. Wolfe to direct the film, in which Barbra would still act (alongside, we now learn, Ben Stiller).  But the difficulties continued.  Kramer criticized Barbra publicly, and the project eventually fell apart.

But Barbra never gave up on The Normal Heart, and actually put together a cast that would include Mark Ruffalo, Bradley Cooper and Julia Roberts.  The sticking point was that nobody would pay Larry the one million dollars he wanted for his script.  While this was going on, Julia was making Eat Pray Love directed by Ryan Murphy.  Barbra explains, “The next thing I hear is that Ryan has written Larry a check for one million dollars and will be directing the movie for HBO with Julia Roberts and Mark Ruffalo.  Well, he didn’t get Bradley Cooper – then I would have had to kill myself!”  Throughout this chapter, Barbra speaks at length about her son Jason Gould.   “Jason really wanted me to make this movie, and I was looking forward to working with him on the film in some capacity.  It meant so much to me just as his mother.”  After critiquing Murphy’s version, she summed up by saying: “I’ll always regret I didn’t get to make The Normal Heart.  It’s my loss.  But I’m glad Larry finally got it made.”

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Barbra also talks about many films she was asked to be in.  One surprise was Splash – the Ron Howard movie with Daryl Hannah as a mermaid.  Picture the climactic scene, where Tom Hanks finds Barbra with a mermaid tail in the bathtub!  I would have paid anything to hear him say, “So don’t just lay there, honey – swim something.”

Brooke and Bradley

Tragedy struck Brooke Shields when she was at L’Artusi restaurant in NYC on a break from her show Previously Owned by Brooke Shields.  Hands?  Anybody?  She had been drinking lots of water, and her friends said she looked “weird” (with friends like that…).  The restaurant tried to track down her husband, and then the sommelier got in touch with Bradley Cooper.  Fun fact – Brooke and Brad starred in the 2008 film The Midnight Meat Train – a detail neither seems to acknowledge.  I’ll let Brooke tell you the rest: “I thought to myself, ‘This is what death must be like.’  You wake up and Bradley Cooper’s going, ‘I’m going to go to the hospital with you, Brooke,’ and he’s holding my hand.  And I’m looking at my hand, I’m looking at Bradley Cooper’s hand in my hand, and I’m like, ‘This is odd and surreal.’  I flooded my system, and I drowned myself.  And if you don’t have enough sodium in your blood or urine or your body, you can have a seizure.  I was drinking too much water because I felt dehydrated because I was singing more than I’ve ever sung in my life and doing a show and a podcast.  So [the doctors] were just like, ‘Eat potato chips every day.’”  Helpful hints from Brooke Shields!  

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When we can start and end with stories about Andre Agassi’s exes, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  This Shields incident would have never happened to Streisand – ‘cause Babs loves chips!  Our column ran so long, we had to cut portions of that riveting Brooke Shields story.  More salty stuff can be found at www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’ll leave you thirsty for more.  If you’ve got a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Bradley brings Babs a bag of chips.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Revolving Broadway Doors

Back in 2002, Kristin Chenoweth had a difficult decision to make.  She had to choose between being in a musical by Stephen Sondheim and one by Stephen Schwartz.  The Sondheim show was Bounce (previously called Wise Guys).  The other turned out to be Wicked.  She made her choice, and Sondheim wrote her the following.  “Thank you for the thoughtful and generous note.  I, too, was disappointed, but I understand completely.  I hope that Wicked turns out to be everything you want it to be (and that Steve wants it to be, too).”  The rest is history.

Josh Groban and Annaleigh Ashford are set to leave this terribly misguided revival of Sweeney Todd on January 14th.  One would think that the show would simply shutter and slink away; left to become a sad, little footnote in some Broadway annals.  But, no – the show must go on (must it?).  If you thought Josh Groban was a curious choice for the Demon Barber of Fleet Street, what do you think of Aaron Tveit?  Should a Sweeney have abs of steel?  His Mrs. Lovett will be the fantastically talented, and yet equally miscast Sutton Foster.  I know there are roles Sutton covets – like Mama Rose.  But did she learn nothing from The Music Man?

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What about a musical staring John Travolta and Katherine Heigl?  And again, I know what you’re thinking – did he learn nothing from Hairspray?  Or those T-Mobile commercials?  And who has Heigl on their radar?  If there’s anything less plausible than a musical starring this pair, it’s that the name of it is…and I couldn’t make this up if I tried…That’s Amore!  The writer says, “John and Katherine are fantastic together, and during rehearsals they had so much chemistry.  We’re not breaking into big production numbers, but I wanted to try something a little different.  We’ve recorded about seven songs so far with a full orchestra, and he’s just a magical person.  One of the numbers is a real throw back to Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly.”  I don’t look at Travolta and immediately think of Astaire or Kelly.  But another classic image does spring to mind – those dancing hippos in Fantasia.

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Someone who would like to return to Broadway is newlywed Chris Evans.  He told the crowd at New York Comic-Con that he hopes to find a project soon.  “I’m looking.  I’d love to actually try and find something next year, but it’s tough because you find something that you are kind of into that could be cool but like I said, once you’re in it, you are in it.  It usually runs three, four or five months.  So, it’s got to be something that you don’t just love, but it’s got to be something that you’re ready to explore from different angles every single night for a very long time.”  How amusing that he considers 3-5 months to be a long time.  After 3-5 dates, I’m bored and have forgotten their names.

 

Cher Speaks Her Mind

Speaking of divas, Cher has made yet another curious career turn – and this is even stranger than her decision to release a line of gelato (called “Cher-lato”), and put out a Christmas album.  Get ready…Cher is going to be in Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.  The only thing that could make this better is if she’s riding the Underdog float!

In a recent interview with the Los Angeles Times, Cher was asked about a quote from 1991 – where she called Madonna “mean”.  “I said a lot worse than that.  It’s not a beef.  I actually like her.  But, come on…she can be!  We buried that hatchet a long time ago because I called her something so much worse, and she forgave me.”

 

Her Name is Barbra

Streisand’s autobiography, My Name is Barbra, finally hits the streets on Tuesday.  And it promises to have…almost no revelations.  Don’t believe me?  Let’s compare it to Britney.  Did Barbra have an abortion?  Or dance with a python?  Did Diana try to have her declared incompetent?  Who wouldn’t wanna hear Barbra scream, “I won’t be nuts for you!”  Oh, wait…she did that already.  But unlike Britney, we’ll be hearing a lot from Barbra.  She does her own audio book.  Didya know it clocks in at 48 hours and 15 minutes?  You could walk from New York City to Los Angeles listening to it and only be up to her divorce from Elliott Gould!  She’ll also do a few interviews, but most of them are tightly scripted and pre-taped.  Gayle King?  In the can.  Stephen Colbert (who never does pre-taped interviews)?  Done.  The wild card is a live sit-down with Howard Stern.  If he’s anything like he was in 1994 when he interviewed Roslyn Kind (who he insists on calling by her legal name, “Barbra Streisand’s Sister”), we might get something juicy.  You can see his chat with Roslyn on BillyMasters.com.

People have asked me what I would ask Babs if I had her on Billy Masters LIVE (it’s only a matter of time).  I do have one question nobody else would ask – is there any truth to the rumor that her understudy when she did Funny Girl on Broadway was Liza Minnelli?  Yes, it sounds preposterous – and, it would have happened over Lainie Kazan’s cold, dead body!  But the story comes from Judy Garland herself.  In May of 1964, Judy was touring Australia and an interviewer asked her about Liza.  “She’s now understudying Barbra Streisand in a Broadway show.”  Funny Girl opened on Broadway on March 26, 1964.  It bears noting that in 1964, I’m not sure Judy Garland knew where SHE was, let alone where Liza was!  You can also see this interview on our website.

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Lest anyone think this is Streisand’s swan song, think again.  While she recently released two collections of old music, she hasn’t recorded any new material since Walls in 2018.  As we went to press, a little birdie told us that the 81-year-old is headed back in the studio in January – and could even perform again.  Stay tuned…

Michelle as Brit as Justin

So, Britney’s book has come out.  Who has read it?  Hands?  Not even Britney’s?  Here are some of the choice bits to have leaked from the memoir.  She talks about when she flew to Sweden to record her first songs.  “I barely registered the difference between there and New Jersey; I was just in another booth.”  She claims to have turned down a role in the film Chicago – it was for one of the merry murderers who take part in “The Cell Block Tango”.   Her marriage to family friend Jason Alexander only happened because she was bored and “just honestly very drunk”.  Her relationship with Timberlake was volatile and ended when he accused her of having an affair with Wade Robson – who, of course, was “busy” with Michael Jackson at the time.  Brit claims that Justin broke up with her via text!  Lastly, Spears claims Justin used a “blaccent” during the *NSYNC days – in other words, speaking as if he was black.  Since I don’t have an Ebonics/English dictionary, I cannot translate for you. 

But Michelle Williams might be able to translate.  Why?  Well, the five-time Oscar-nominated actress is the one who read Britney’s audio book.  And trust me, you haven’t lived until you’ve heard Michelle Williams speaking as Britney impersonating Justin Timberlake (which you can hear on our website).  “His band *NSYNC was what people back then called ‘so pimp’.  They were white boys, but they loved hip-hop.  To me, that’s what separated them from The Backstreet Boys – who seemed very consciously to position themselves as a white group.  *NSYNC hung out with the black artists.  One day, J and I were in New York, going to parts of town I had never been to before.  Walking our way was a guy with a huge, blinged-out medallion – he was flanked by two giant security guards.  J got all excited and said so loud, ‘Oh yea, fo’ shiz, fo’ shiz, Ginuwine, what’s up my homie?”  

 

A Queer Eye Anniversary

There’s a few reunions on the horizon.  Kellan Lutz and Cam Gigandet – two of the only reasons to suffer through Twilight – are starring together in Desert Dawn, which is described as a “crime thriller”.  When I first read this story, I swore the film they were making was called Delta Dawn, and I pictured them playing lovers.  Another missed opportunity.  Meanwhile, Taylor Lautner is curiously missing in action.  Sure, he can’t act – but he is (or was) pretty.  And we know that certain predatory and shifty auteurs were willing to take him under their wing (he writes euphemistically).  Either Taylor didn’t want to play ball, or everyone’s already over his balls.

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Elsewhere on the reunion circuit, let’s talk about Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.  And I don’t mean the reboot that everyone loves. I mean the OG from 2003.  That was truly groundbreaking television and brought us Carson Kressley, Jai Rodriguez, and three others I couldn’t name if there was a gun to my head.  Collectively, they were the first gays that Middle America latched onto.  The original Fab Five (of the gay world) are having a special 20th anniversary reunion.  It will take place at the Wind Creek Event Center in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania – which sounds positively Biblical.  The show is on December 16th, and tickets range from $50-$100 (plus those pesky fees).  You can get more information at WindyCreekEventCenter.com. Please tell me how it goes…and who they are!

 

Gaetz Position on Fisting

Sometimes, two completely dissimilar things can happen at the exact same time.  Last week, Florida Republican Senator Matt Gaetz had his life threatened by a New Hampshire college student.  Don’t take my word for it – the student has actually pleaded guilty.  And since Gaetz is a federal employee and the threat took place across state lines, it’s a federal charge.  The student in question is Allan Poller, and he goes to Keene State College – and, while neither hither nor yon, he’s quite a looker.  The threat was articulated on Gaetz’s voice mail!  “If you keep on coming for the gays, we’re gonna strike back and I guarantee you, you do not want to fuck with us.  We will kill you if that’s what it takes.  I will take a bullet to your fucking head if you fuck with my rights anymore.  And then if you want to keep going down that path, you know who’s next.”  He ended the message by spelling his name – and leaving his phone number.  In turn, Gaetz played the message on his podcast, keeping in the part with Allan’s name and phone number.  So you can only imagine what Allan’s been going through.  But, I’m sorry, Poller, I’m siding against you.  There’s a reason you do these things anonymously, or use a vocal distorter.  And you certainly don’t give out your phone number.  By identifying yourself, you showed great courage…and great stupidity.  It will haunt you the rest of your life – while Gaetz will sleep like a baby.

On the exact same day as Allan’s message to Gaetz, the city of Orlando purchased the building formerly known as the Pulse nightclub.   It took seven years, but the City commissioners and the mayor finally approved the $2 million purchase.  The city will put up a memorial on the site that will honor the 49 lives lost.  They may want to consider having music playing – just to remind people that the victims were dancing and having a good time when this tragedy occurred.  But don’t charge a cover – that would be tacky.

From Miami to Milan

Brad Pitt, I think, in Troy.  That’s a beautiful man.  There’s no denying it.” 
Jacob Elordi tells Jimmy Fallon his first celebrity crush.  If you can’t place Jacob,
you’ll soon see him playing Elvis Presley in Sofia Coppola’s Priscilla.

I spent last week in Milan.  Correction – I spent last weekEND in Milan.  Yes, 48 hours in Italy.  What can I say – it was an invitation that I couldn’t pass up, although I probably spent more time in the air than in Milan.  But some things are worth traveling for.  A few days earlier, I was part of a memorable lunch in Fort Lauderdale filled with a number of people I’ve known for over 25 years – including legendary drag divas Thirsty Burlington, Varla Jean Merman, Joe Posa, and Joanna James.  We all started out as little club kids and all developed a level of notoriety that…well, defies defining.  We don’t see each other as often as we used to, but these are people with whom I can pick up a conversation we started decades ago.  Looking around that table, I felt terribly nostalgic for the people we were – and awfully proud of the people we’ve become.  Let’s do it again….soon!

Joran and Jussie in Court

I was criticized harshly over my coverage of Natalee Holloway’s disappearance.  I said it then, and I’ll say it now – girl on a class trip goes off in the middle of the night for a stroll on a deserted beach with a little Dutch boy.  Sounds to me like a recipe for disaster – or some very good Danish pastry!  Anyway, Joran van der Sloot has confessed to the murder, and recounted how it happened.  Not to get graphic, but Natalee showed some gumption with her final breath and kneed him in the crotch.  If you’re going out, I say go out swinging.  I know many of my readers have a hankering for Joran.  He will potentially be ready for parole in 2043.  But I don’t expect the ensuing 20 years will be kind to him.  Natalee’s mom, Beth Holloway, said it best.  “You look like hell, Joran.  I don’t see how you’re going to make it.”  He clearly doesn’t read this column.  Joran – moisturize, moisturize, moisturize.

Just because we’re not talking about Jussie Smollett, doesn’t mean there’s nothing to say.  He’s been in and out of Chicago courtrooms trying to get an appeal and/or overturn his hoax hate crime verdict.  Jussie – give it up.  It won’t change anyone’s mind.  The people who believed you set it up will still believe that.  And those who support you will stay by your side.  Of course, they could have a meeting in a two-seater…and still have room to pick up a hitchhiker, but that’s another story.  Just to hedge his bets, Jussie checked himself into rehab while the jury deliberates.  It’s all about the optics, baby.

 

Cher and Barbra Kibitz

Cher recently did a few interviews about having two records drop in short succession.  This quote amused me: “My life seems to be longer than any other human being ever.  I feel like I should be in the Guinness Book of World Records for this.  And I’m still going!  My great-aunts were 101 and 104.  I never thought about getting this old and still having a job.”  And, “I remember I had a conversation with Barbra Streisand once on a telethon we were doing.  She leaned over and said, ‘Cher, why are you still doing this?’  And I said, ‘Because there’s going to come a day where I can’t do it.’”  And I don’t want to have thought that I could have done my art longer, and chose not to.”

So much to unpack here – starting with Barbra and Cher doing a telethon together.  Were they answering phones?  “Hello, this is Cher…yes, that Cher!”  And you know Barbra wasn’t touching strange phones.  “I’ll coordinate”, is how I believe it went.  I definitely don’t remember either of them sitting down with Jerry’s Kids.  Plus, the Jerry Lewis Telethon was Maureen McGovern’s turf.  Turns out the telethon in question was Hand in Hand, which helped victims of Hurricane Harvey and Irma.  And there really is a photo of Cher and Babs – with Billy Crystal between them.  I found this amusing anecdote from the telethon in question.  A cameraman said that Barbra came up to him before the event and asked him to only shoot her from her good side.  He took a long look at her left profile, and then her right profile.  He then asked, “I’m sorry – which side would that be?”

 

Britney, Justin and Ryan

From Madonna to “It’s Britney, bitch” (OMG, she even stole that).  Spears has a memoir coming out this week called The Woman in Me.  So everyone is waiting to see what Justin has to say.  I can’t confirm this, but I believe his first reaction was, “Bitch couldn’t even READ a book!”  Justin had good reason to be concerned.  Britney reveals that Timberlake got her pregnant, and insisted she have an abortion.  Why?  “Justin definitely wasn’t happy about the pregnancy.  He said we weren’t ready to have a baby in our lives, that we were way too young.”  He was probably right – they probably weren’t ready to have kids at 21.  Heck, I’m not sure who cleared either of them to have kids now.  I must have missed a meeting.  But imagine an alternate universe where they had a kid and got married (not necessarily in that order).  How much would have changed?  For instance, I seriously doubt we’d be calling the kid “Tater Tot Timberlake”.  Another revelation is she claims to have almost been cast in the film The Notebook.  Brit says it came down to her and Rachel McAdams to play opposite Ryan Gosling.  Again, picture an alternate universe with her having sex with Ryan Gosling – doggy style.  Finish up picturing it before moving on.

Ghost of Madonna Past

Let’s move onto that old woman.  Not Nancy Pelosi.  Not Elizabeth Warren.  I’m talking about Madonna – who, admittedly, looks good for her age…if you have the right filters and sit in the nosebleeds.  Otherwise, you know, she’s a 65-year-old pop star…but good for her.  The reviews from her long-awaited tour are generally good, and the audience is receptive – once the show actually starts.  But woe be unto you should you attend one of the many shows that start late.  At some UK venues, people missed the last few songs: “Rain”, “Celebration”, “Music”, “Bitch, I’m Madonna”, among others.  Why?  Officially, the technical pre-show check ran late and the venues have very strict ending times – whether the show is over or not.  Except people spied Madonna showing up at some venues long after the start time.  Her devoted fans are not surprised.  The Rebel Heart Tour routinely started almost two hours late, while the Madame X Tour was usually only 90 minutes late.  But give Madonna a break – it’s hard to find the stage wearing an eye patch!  Maybe now she’s just busy tuning her guitar!

Like many of you, I watched the opening night on TikTok.  I was particularly moved by her rendition of “Like a Virgin”.  But when she sang, “Touched for the very first time,” I wondered if she could remember that far back.  Perhaps she’s given up Kabbalah and has taken up Past Life Regression!  Personally, I didn’t mind seeing her kids.  But when did Madonna stop being the queen of reinvention and start copying others?  She’s no longer a trailblazer, pushing the limits – she’s a copycat, pushing a walker!  If you can’t lead, at least find a way to keep up.

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I wholly identified with her story about the early poor days in NYC.  She’d go home with cute boys if it meant she could clean up.  “Blowjobs for showers,” is how Madge described it.  In my time (which, as we’ve established, was only slightly after Madonna’s time), the boys didn’t have to be so cute.  But I was known to pretend to fall asleep so I could get to spend the night in a bed.  Eh, I’ve never been so picky about where I slept.

 

Biden and Zane DSquared

Our last few stories were all Ask Billy questions.  Many, MANY of you have asked if I’ve seen the nude photo of President Joe Biden’s little brother Frank.  Not only have I seen him, but he ain’t so little!  The modern equivalent of Roger Clinton has a rockin’ body for his age and quite a sizeable appendage.  And, wait a minute – is that a semi I see?  With this impressive package, it’s no surprise that Frank copped to the cock shot.  The photo was private, and meant for his long-term lady friend Mindy.  Beyond that, his lips were sealed.  “I’ve absolutely no comment.  I couldn’t care less.  I haven’t even looked at it.  They must have hacked my phone.”  You can see it on BillyMasters.com with minimal effort…except, perhaps, a bit of lockjaw!

People all over the world have claimed to have had their hands on Hunter Biden’s laptop.  But if they saw the photos and videos we have, they’d work a bit harder to get their hands on his “laptop” – if you catch my drift.  This is the first time I’ve taken any interest in Hunter Biden.  But now, all that talk about drugs and hookers makes total sense.  Who knew that getting him off requires two feet?  As you’ll see on our website.

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Our actual Ask Billy question this week comes from Chad in Miami: “I just saw some really hot photos of Zane Phillips in torn underwear.  What’s that all about?”

Here’s a question that…how shall we say, piqued our interest.  The lovely Zane Phillips indeed did a rather risqué pictorial in some rather battered briefs – with a most provocative tear in the back.  How can we say this delicately?  He’s sporting a gaping hole in the vicinity of his gaping hole.  And I’d be mighty happy to try and score a hole in one – and I don’t even play football!  What’s left of the briefs in question comes from Dsquared2.   What they know about Phillips’ proclivities is under wraps.  But the rest is on display at BillyMasters.com.

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When someone has the good sense to uncover Zane’s bottom, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  As we went to press, we learned of the passing of Suzanne Somers.  She was always lovely to me – I usually saw her with her bestie, Barry Manilow.  All sorts of timely news can be found on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’s willing to master whatever you’ve got between your thighs.  I think my next travel stop should be DC to track down Frank or Hunter.  While I’m Biden my time, you can drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I’m plugged in with a Biden (or plugging a Zane).  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Will Was How Big?

I never really cared about Jada Pinkett Smith – although I think she’s quite striking.  I also think she’s a lying sack of s*it.  Strike that – I know she’s a lying sack of s*it.  And you know who called her on it?  Hoda Kotb, of all people (well, she knows a liar when she’s talking to one).  Hoda said, “I feel like you’re a straight talker.”  Jada nodded.  “I am.”  Kotb hastened to add, “Except you’re not sometimes.”  And that, my darlings, is how it’s done.

We just heard that Madonna’s new shows will feature 3 songs never before sung on tour – which, if one is being completely accurate, probably refers to more than just 3 songs.  The concert is staged like a musical biography, including (and I quote) “spectacular acting and breathtaking choreography”.  This all sounds terribly exciting, but it does beg one very important question – who on Earth will play Madonna?

More AbFab Coming

Didya know we have Dawn French to thank for the Absolutely Fabulous film?  She made a bet with her comedy partner, Jennifer Saunders, on a live BBC radio show.  Jennifer was procrastinating writing the film.  Dawn, tired of hearing these promises, said, “If you haven’t written it by this time next Christmas, you will owe me a hundred thousand pounds.  By this time next year, or you owe me a hundred grand.”  Bing, bang, boom – the script was written.  French has worked her magic again.  On the French & Saunders podcast Titting About, they recounted the old bet (which they say was for 10 grand – but you can hear the original on BillyMasters.com).  Jennifer now says, “I need to write a film or a series based on AbFab…I want to do something related.”  Dawn made Saunders promise to write “a serious first draft of a film related to AbFab by the 31st of December.”  Jennifer then walked over to Dawn and shook hands.  French triumphantly exclaimed, “There’s a deal for a new AbFab product.”

Farewell to Momma

I start with a sad story for gays around the world.  Worthie Paul Meacham, known to many as the larger-than-life drag queen Momma, passed away.  He was one of the most visible and active drag personalities in California, and was seen by a larger audience in film and television (including Will & Grace).  On a personal level, the two of us hosted LA Pride together for a record-setting 7 consecutive years.  Momma also had a charitable side, tirelessly volunteering for numerous organizations that serviced our LGBT community, including Project Angel Food (working alongside such folks as George Michael, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle).  During the pandemic, Worthie found himself in need of their services.  “I gave everything I could to an organization that is now there for me.  How lucky am I?  There is no shame in needing help.  I don’t believe in shame.”  When I wrote a profile on Worthie for the LA Blade in 2020, I asked his thoughts on how far our community has come.  He was mostly hopeful, but added this: “I just wish people would be kinder.  I wish people would be more understanding.  And, damn it, I wish people were having more fun.”  Rest in peace, Momma!

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Speaking of Project Angel Food, one of their most fervent supporters is our friend, Sheryl Lee Ralph.  And what a few years Miss Ralph has been having – talk about “it gets better”.  You may recall we told you about a movie, The Fabulous Four.  It was about Bette Midler inviting her college pals to be bridesmaids at her wedding.  Those friends were supposed to be Susan Sarandon, Megan Mullally and Sissy Spacek – so obviously they all graduated during different decades!  Because of strike-related delays, Miss Spacek dropped out before filming resumed.  Who could possibly hold her own against these powerhouses?  Enter Miss Sheryl Lee Ralph!  Congrats.

Recently, a curious film began shooting in Budapest.  No, not a biopic about the Gabor sisters – but wouldn’t that be a great idea?  No, this is a biopic about Maria Callas – starring Angelina Jolie, naturally.  It depicts the last decade of the diva’s life, which includes her relationship with Aristotle Onassis, played by Turkish actor Haluk Bilginer.  Lemme get this straight – a movie about a couple of Greeks living in Paris being filmed in Hungary?  Makes sense to me.  Photos from the set have leaked, and Angie certainly has Callas’ eyeliner down to a T.

 

California’s Leather Senator

Our Ask Billy question comes from Victor in San Francisco: “I saw [Senator] Scott Wiener at Folsom and he is really hot.  Is he single?”

In case you don’t know, the 53-year-old Scott Wiener is an openly gay state senator from California.  He got lots of attention after he posted a recent photo from the Folsom Street Fair in a pair of tight jeans, a leather vest, and not much else.  And it’s true, he’s ABS-olutely ripped.  Many people online commented on his eight-pack (which you can see on BillyMasters.com).  From what I’ve gathered, he’s single.  So good luck, Victor!

 

Lukas on the Down Low

This brings to mind Lukas Gage’s flick Down Low, in which he plays a massage therapist who gives Zachary Quinto a “handy” and then tries to facilitate his first full-on gay experience by hooking him up with someone on an app.  To say it all goes terribly wrong would be an understatement.  I’m not exactly sure how Audra McDonald and Judith Light fit in, but I found myself laughing at the trailer enough to be intrigued when it drops on October 10th.  I warn you – it is possible that I also saw the best 2 minutes in the film.  So don’t come crying to me if it sucks.

Je m’appelle Cher

Recently, Cher was in Paris promoting her line of gelato – yes, I know that sounds ridiculous, but it’s true.  She also attended some of the Paris Fashion Week shows…with ex-boyfriend, Alexander Edwards.  You remember him – the 37-year-old producer who Cher said her whole family liked (unknown if that included her son Elijah Blue – who she allegedly had kidnapped from a NYC hotel room…see last week’s column).  Cher and Edwards were spotted cuddling at the Balmain and Givenchy shows.  The highlight of the trip was an appearance at Silencio, a Paris nightclub that was hosting the H&M and Rabanne party.  Cher popped up and sang “Believe”.  She then announced her upcoming Christmas collection – and sang along with the first single, “DJ Play a Christmas Song”.  She was in the DJ booth at the time.  Oh, that Cher – she’s so clever.  You can see that video on BillyMasters.com.

Remember Burlesque?  Cher’s film with Christina Aguilera?  Plans are afoot to turn the film (which was greeted with tepid enthusiasm) into a live stage musical.  Obviously, Cher ain’t gonna appear in the show – that would cut into her nap time.  But Christina is the executive producer, and it’s being shaped by the film’s director, Steve Antin.

 

Varla and Kathy Hit Vegas

I’m a winner, baby!  I’m leaving Vegas a couple hundred bucks ahead.   I’m also a few pounds heavier courtesy of Cinnabon but, nonetheless, a good time was had by all.  There’s something thrilling about seeing a friend’s name on a marquee.  It’s even more exciting when it’s a 30-foot-tall Varla Jean Merman looming over the Strip – alongside Barry Manilow at the Westgate.  Her fantastic show, Stand By Your Drag, is in the midst of a national tour, and is hysterical and, sadly, timely.  During these days when drag queens are being targeted, Varla brilliantly weaves humor with a message of solidarity and defiance.  It’s an uproarious romp that’s guaranteed to please.

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Then it was off to Kathy Griffin at The Mirage.  The day before the event, the red-headed spitfire announced a $250 meet-and-greet – with 100% of the proceeds going to the American Cancer Society in conjunction with Making Strides Against Breast Cancer.  It sold out in a matter of minutes!  As to the show itself, Kathy delivered close to two hours of anecdotes from the past few years – and what a few years it’s been.  OK, the material was somewhat less celebrity-laden than usual, but that’s to be expected.  Since she is a gifted storyteller, even heavy topics were heavy on laughs – and that includes the lurid details of her suicide attempt by way of a giant vase and a swimming pool!  The last half hour was vintage Griffin, including a lengthy recounting of her Mexican vacation with Sia.  To add credence to the tale, Sia got up from the audience and sang a bit of “Chandelier” (which you can see on our website).  Also seated behind me were Rosie O’Donnell, Chris Colfer, Laraine Newman, and Julia Sweeney.

If you wanna see Kathy, consider booking passage on the upcoming Atlantis cruise from Los Angeles to Mexico on October 23rd.  Just go to AtlantisEvents.com and tell ‘em Billy sent you.  Just a little tip – from me to you.

 

Pauly Wants an Oscar

Could it be that Pauly Shore is poised for a comeback?  So hopes the comic, who has gotten tongues wagging after he announced his new idea – he’d like to play fitness guru Richard Simmons in a biopic!  He posted a photo of the two side-by-side and, son of a bitch, they really do look alike!  OK, the hair isn’t right, but I know a groomer in West Hollywood who did wonders with my friend’s poodle.  Pauly wrote, “I’ve noticed all the reactions to me playing Richard Simmons in a new biopic.  So I reached out to him.  I heard he’s living deep in Big Bear.  We’ve been play phone tag (yes, he still has a phone).”  Let me stop here for a second – if Richard Simmons is living in Big Bear, why the hell can’t he answer his phone?  It’s not like I think he’s at the local Walmart!  Continuing: “I’m trying to make it happen for you guys.  Be optimistic.  In the meantime, hit up Hulu, Amazon, Disney, HBO and all the big producers.  I definitely can morph into this guy.  I’ll see you at the Academy Awards 2025.”

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When Pauly Shore could be up for an Oscar, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  I hate to burst his bubble, but films that debut on streaming services don’t typically qualify for an Academy Award.  But that’s the least of his problems!  This week, I’m in Las Vegas seeing Varla Jean Merman at the Westgate October 3-5 (I’ll be there the 5th) and Kathy Griffin at the Mirage on October 6th.  No matter where I am, I’m never too busy to update www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’s a sure thing.  If you have a question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Cher sends some Nigerian bodybuilders to abduct me!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

 

Billy LIVE w/Charles Busch

Speaking of shows, I’m thrilled to announce the return of Billy Masters LIVE.  You know, I got busy.  And then I got Charles Busch’s new memoir – Leading Lady: A Memoir of a Most Unusual Boy.  While I was reading it, I heard that the film he shot during the pandemic, The Sixth Reel, was getting a limited theatrical release.  So, why not celebrate the Divine Charles, alongside some of his most notorious collaborators?  In addition to Charles, we’ll have his frequent muse and co-star (including in the film), Julie Halston, and his frequent director (including of the film), Carl Andress.  This special episode will take place on Monday, October 2nd at 4PM Eastern, so grab a cocktail and watch us live.  Or replay at your leisure on Facebook, YouTube, or at BillyMasters.tv.

A Busy Month for Singers

The one person I don’t expect to see in the courtroom is Cher.  She’s releasing a holiday collection on October 20th – so she’ll be busy.  The collection features a number of duets, including one with her good friend (and former backup singer) Darlene Love – they’ll sing “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)”.  Other partners include Cyndi Lauper, Michael Bublé, Stevie Wonder, and Tyga.  As Cher said, “It’s not your mother’s Christmas album.  It’s a Cher Christmas album, whatever that brings along with the new.  It’s definitely my idea of a Christmas album.  I had to do what I felt.  There’s no ‘Silent Night’.”  We can only hope there’s an “O Holy Night” – for Paul Shaffer.

Not to be outdone, Barbra Streisand will be releasing TWO collections of music on October 27th.  One is called Evergreens: Celebrating Six Decades on Columbia Records – and it will include Streisand’s favorite songs from her extensive catalogue (in many cases, album cuts instead of singles).  The second will be Yentl: 40th Anniversary Edition, which is a 2-disc set which includes demos and alternate takes.  These are just the opening acts for Babs’ autobio, which drops on November 7th.  If I were a betting man, I’d expect absolutely nothing juicy in the book.

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Continuing our theme of “singers” (and I am using that term loosely), we turn to Britney Spears.  Look, I’ve never been a Britney basher.  She’s fun, she’s kicky, she’s kooky, she’s krazy.  But unless she’s auditioning to become a chef at Bisuteki, I don’t understand the dance of the seven knives.  OK, there were only two knives – but what do you think the chances are that one of those dogs is no longer with us?  And why in that outfit?  Unless she’s also auditioning for Hooters.  Spears was quick to allay our fears: “I started playing in the kitchen with knives today.  Don’t worry they are NOT real knives !!!  Halloween is soon.”  The question remains – Why?

Cher, Elijah & Abductors

I don’t know what to make of this story about Cher, so prepare yourself for a healthy dose of “allegedlies”.  One rarely hears about Cher’s son, Elijah Blue (and you thought crazy names started with Apple).  Elijah has allegedly had a troubled relationship with his mom for decades.  In 2013, he eloped with Marie Angela King – known to her friends as Queenie.  Elijah claims Cher never acknowledged the union.  What did he hear from her?  “Crickets,” says Elijah.  “I wasn’t going to wait for anyone’s approval and congratulations just like I’ve never waited for any of that my whole life.”  More pressing is that Elijah has had a drug problem for decades.  Well, he is an Allman.  He’s admitted to starting to take drugs at 11 and has been addicted to numerous substances, including heroin.

Although Elijah filed for divorce from Queenie in 2021, the couple’s on-again/off-again relationship continued.  Queenie claims that on November 30, 2022, they were in a hotel room in NYC celebrating their anniversary when four men burst in to abduct Elijah – I hate when that happens.  Queenie claims one of the abductors told her they were hired by Cher!  This is sounding a whole lot like Jussie Smollett and those Nigerian bodybuilders – or maybe I just want to be alone in a hotel room with two Nigerian bodybuilders.  Queenie filed court papers on December 5, 2022, stating, “I am currently unaware of my husband’s wellbeing or whereabouts…I was told by one of the four men who took him that they were hired by [Elijah’s] mother.”  She adds that Elijah is “currently in lockdown at a treatment facility that is undisclosed to me.”  So, why is this story only going public a year later?  It was part of the couple’s divorce case, and the next court date is October 27th.  Presumably, both Elijah and Queenie will be there.

DuPont Moore/Berger Scam

Could it be there’s a new Catfish on the web?  So say people who have been following the drama between Samuel DuPont Moore and William Berger – two allegedly wealthy men with bulges as big as their bank accounts (both have 9 figures).  For months, drama has unfolded on Facebook about these hunks falling in love, getting married, getting cheated on, getting served separation papers…it’s been like a telenovela for very white people.  Along the way, we’ve met such characters as Winthrop DuPont Moore, Sally Rockefeller DuPont, Christopher Getty, Nan Fullerton, Alta Louise Moore, Clark Todhunter, and, most outlandish, Isla DuPont Niarchos Quandt and Grafton Lodge de Peyster.  If you’ve been in contact with anyone by these names – run!  Still, it’s been fun to watch, and the photos are extraordinarily hot – as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

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When I’m unmasking fraudsters, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  I’m like that Nev guy – but less hairy!  If you like your hunks unmasked and undressed, then head on over to www.BillyMasters.com – the site that gets to the bottom of things.  Of course, we’re not opposed to the occasional top.  Feel free to send whatever you’d like to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I toss Big Mama Masters onto a Slip ‘N Slide!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

 

90210 Reunion

If Florida felt a little nippy last week, there’s a reason.  No, hell hadn’t frozen over.  But the cast of Beverly Hills, 90210 reunited at 90s Con in Tampa.  Yes, Gabrielle Carteris, Shannen Doherty, Jennie Garth, Brian Austin Green, Jason Priestley, Tori Spelling, and Ian Ziering all shared the stage.  In fact, Shannen and Tori were huddled together on their own loveseat.  Tori had the quote of the night when asked about the dolls based on their characters.  “I LOVED that doll.  I finally had a perfect nose!”  Watch the entire panel on BillyMasters.com.

Congratulations go out to Vanna White, who really stuck it to the man.  I suppose that man is Ryan Seacrest, and he’s no stranger to getting stuck.  Vanna, as you may know, has been in contract negotiations to not only continue on Wheel of Fortune for Pat Sajak’s final season, but to also continue with Ryan.  In the midst of those negotiations, it was revealed that she was earning exponentially less pay than Sajak.  On the other hands, she only turns the letters…correction, she taps panels which illuminate the letters.  Anyway, Vanna signed a new deal which will keep her in place for four more years – with a hefty raise.  “I love Vanna White.  I’ve known Vanna for a long time…And I hope for nothing more than to be able to walk out on that stage and host with her,” said Ryan.  And you know what they say – become partners with the right person, and you’ll double your wardrobe!

 

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