All this romance buzzing about leads to this week’s Ask Billy question.  Tom in Detroit asks, “What do you know about Luke Macfarlane’s boyfriend?  I’ve seen photos of them together, but don’t know anything about him.”

Your question is well-timed because Macfarlane is starting a new show on Hallmark Plus.  Home Is Where the Heart Is sounds like one of those dreadful movies starring Bethany Joy Lenz and Kristoffer Polaha (don’t ask me, “Who?”).  Luke’s latest venture is a reality show which as he claims will show the “beauty of growth, reinvention, and staying true to oneself.  This is a very true authentic piece of myself that I’m excited to share with you…and it comes from a real place.”  He was even featured on the cover of Out magazine – which I had no idea was still being published!  I couldn’t help but notice the sexy cover shot credits a photographer, a photographer’s assistant, a stylist, a groomer, and a videographer.  No wonder Luke looks so dreamy!!  As to the original question, the show will feature Luke’s current beau, Hig Roberts – and I have been assured that is the name on his birth certificate.  Hig is described as an “American Alpine skier” – and if he can make a living at that, more power to him!  Roberts gushed, “Going to spend a moment here appreciating Luke and the way he is showing up for the world.  Having a front row seat to the alignment of your life’s passions is beautiful and inspiring.”  Whoever wrote that statement should be shot, but they’re both nice to look at – as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

When Luke’s love life is a race to the bottom, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Before we wrap, I’d like to mention the Let’s Get L.Aid concert – a benefit for people affected by the LA Fires.  In addition to the music being led by Paul Shaffer and “Weird Al” Yankovic, I want to single out Nancy Sinatra, who made a rare appearance singing her hit, “These Boots are Made for Walking” – although she appeared to be wearing some sort of orthopedic footwear.  It was a family affair since the band also included her daughter and granddaughter.  You can see the footage on our website, www.BillyMasters.com – the site that sizzles.  If you have a question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Jack Schlossberg and Patrick Schwarzenegger lock lips!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Last week was Saint Patrick’s Day – a big holiday in Boston.  For some reason, pop star Ed Sheeran was in town.  So what do you do in Boston on Saint Patrick’s Day?  You go to an Irish pub.  Sheeran went to The Dubliner wearing a green and white Celtics jersey and jacket.  He played several songs with folk band Beoga, including “Shape of You”, “I Don’t Care”, “Nancy Mulligan”, “Grace”, and ended the set with “Galway Girl”.  You can check out the performance on BillyMasters.com.

In one of those transitions that you’ll only find in a Billy Masters column, Irish tae kwon do Olympian Jack Woolley got engaged on Saint Patrick’s Day.  This is relevant because he is hot, gay and obviously is engaged to another hot, gay man.  Woolley’s also been in the news since he just finished second on Ireland’s Dancing with the Stars last week.  Shortly after the finale, he proposed to Daithi Murphy.  Here’s a fun fact – proving that hot Olympians are just like the rest of us, Jack and Daithi’s first date was in a McDonald’s parking lot.  Oh, the memories that brings back – fumbling around in a bucket seat, the pungent smell of exhaust in the air, and someone asking, “Would you like to super-size that?”  A moment of enchantment they can share with the kiddies…eventually.

In some stateside romance, two Las Vegas male strippers got engaged.  Davis Taylor Rahal is a “dancer” in the Magic Mike show.  Last weekend, he stopped the show midway to bring his beau onstage.  Shay H is a “dancer” with the ever-popular Thunder from Down Under.  “This year has been filled with joy, laughter, love, and adventure,” said Davis – which he followed by saying those four magic words.  No, not “your Visa was declined.”  He said, “Will you marry me?”  Shay, obviously a man of few words, nodded, the couple kissed, and everyone applauded.  ‘Cause nothing makes horny suburban straight women on vacation happier than to see two hot men kiss!

Proving that marriage isn’t limited to gay folk, attorney Steve Mitchel took a bridle.  I’m sorry – he took a BRIDE.  It’s an honest mistake when the bride is Melissa Rivers!  Joan’s little filly got back into the saddle at the Four Seasons in cowboy country, Jackson Hole, Wyoming.  The wedding was officiated by Sabrina Lott-Miller, Joan’s longtime assistant.  Missy’s son Cooper gave the first toast, where he cautioned his new step-father to give his new bride her own way…”if you know what’s good for you.”  In a touching gesture, each guest was asked to wear a bee pin from the Joan Rivers Jewelry Collection.  Invoices to follow.

Last week, Trump released tens of thousands of unredacted documents pertaining to the assassination of John F. Kennedy.  Jack Schlossberg took to social media and said: “What the JFK files say about me is not true.  I’m straight.”  He followed it up by saying, “President Trump is obsessed with my grandfather – but not in his life or what he achieved in it.  No, just like @robertfkennedyjr, @realdonaldtrump is only interested in JFK’s carcass.”

It was a big week for another quasi-Kennedy.  Patrick Schwarzenegger made tongues wag with his same-sex kiss on The White Lotus.  It wasn’t just a same-sex kiss – it was with his on-screen brother, Sam Nivola.  Patrick was quick to point out, “Well obviously they’re not brothers by blood, so that made it easier.”  Yeah, ‘cause that would have been troublesome!  Patrick says he discussed the scene with creator Mike White: “He wants to leave that up to the interpretation of the audience of what is happening.  Was a power shift happening?  Is there a different power dynamic between him and Lochy?  Is Lochy coming on to him?  Is it the drugs?  Is it the girls pressuring him?  What is it?  So, I think he leaves that open-ended for the audience to try to decipher.”  Am I the only one who thinks this is much ado about nothing?  You know what they say – what happens in Thailand, stays in Thailand.

“They wanted me in the dress and the wig and to go in this giant arena
with Bill Gates and I said I don’t sell out the character. 
And then they told me what they were going to pay me,
and I said, ‘I’ll get the bitch’s dress on right now!”
– Dana Carvey’s response when asked to play the Church Lady at an event honoring Billy Gates.

Last week, El Presidente went to survey one of his latest acquisitions – The Kennedy Center.  He was accompanied by the press and had his photo taken in the presidential box, arms aloft as if some ersatz Evita Peron.  Make no mistake – he’s got big plans.  He shared some of them, along with his cultural taste.  “I never liked Hamilton very much.  I never liked it.  But we are going to have some really good shows.  Come here and watch it, and you’ll see over a period of time it will improve very greatly physically, and we’re going to get some very good shows.  The thing that does well as Broadway hits.”  He’s also considering hosting The Kennedy Center Honors himself, and perhaps even bestowing the award onto posthumous recipients.  I guess that means Liza still has a shot!

At roughly the same time, Harvey Fierstein talked about the same thing on social media.  “I have been banned from THE KENNEDY CENTER.”  He added, “I have been in the struggle for our civil rights for more than 50 years only to watch them snatched away by a man who actually couldn’t care less.  He does this stuff only to placate the religious right so they’ll look the other way as he savages our political system for his own glorification.”  One of the first people to respond was Richard Grenell, the Kennedy Center’s interim president.  “This is a total lie.  Whoever told you this (because you obviously didn’t do your own research) should be fired from your team for purposefully making you look foolish.  I, too, have been in the fight for equality for decades.  I’m the President of the Kennedy Center and first openly gay U.S. Cabinet official.  I was appointed by @DonaldJTrumpJr to both jobs.  You aren’t banned.  In fact, come do Hairspray or La Cage here at the Kennedy Center.  This is your personal invite.  Let’s meet.  If, however, you can’t handle diverse opinions and want to be inclusive of everyone, that is.”  First, I do hope he wasn’t hired by Donald Trump Jr. – unless he’s making some bold revelation.  Secondly, I would truly love to see El in the presidential box at a Fierstein show.  What a hoot!

Remember the big-screen remake of La Cage with Nathan Lane and Robin Williams?  The hotel that the couple owned in The Birdcage is getting quite a make-over.  The Raleigh Hotel in South Beach is poised to get a $1 billion facelift – which is pretty minor by SoBe standards.  It will be turned into a boutique hotel and luxury apartments called The Rosewood Hotel & Residences.  Allegedly, there’s already over $250 million in pre-sales.

They say it’s not over until the fat lady sings.  If there’s one thing Donatella Versace is not, it’s fat.  And yet, she’s announced that she’s stepping down as the creative director of Versace.  While she will remain with the company as an “ambassador”, she will be replaced by Dario Vitale, previously a designer with Miu Miu.

CBS recently debuted their new soap opera, Beyond the Gates.  While most viewers have complained about the bad writing, cheap sets, and ridiculous scenarios, it actually has something going for it – ratings from the first two weeks were up 78% from its predecessor, The Talk.  It actually tied in the ratings with General Hospital.

We have time for a brief Ask Billy.  Josh in Maine asks, “Is it true that John Whaite is doing gay porn?”

In case you don’t know (or can’t remember that far back), Whaite was a contestant (and eventual winner) of The Great British Bake Off in 2012 while he was a law student.  Back then, he was allegedly working for a “top law firm” (I’ll be the judge of that).  He eventually gave it all up to become a full-time chef – which included a number of TV gigs.  In 2021, he was on Strictly Come Dancing with a male pro Johannes Radebe – the first time the show featured a same-sex couple in competition.  Alas, he fell in love with Radebe, which caused a schism with Whaite’s long-term partner, Paul Atkins.  He also revealed that during that time, he had several “drunken fondles and experiments with various soap stars and celebrities”.  Nonetheless, John and Paul got married last year in NYC after being together for over 15 years.  They started a gourmet brownie company called Ruff Puff, while Whaite also started his OnlyFans page, with a promise to deliver “the side of me you haven’t seen…yet.”  He plans to include lots of content – “from solo play to collabs, it’s all here.”  In explaining his two ventures, he said, “One sells brownies and cookies while the other is a meatier enterprise.”  You can preview some of his wares on BillyMasters.com.

When baking helps develop great arms, it’s definitely time for me to head into the kitchen and end yet another column.  I can see it now – Whisking to the Oldies.  Oh, Richard Simmons would be so proud.  However, I’m simply too overbooked to start a new venture at the moment.  First things first – finding a vacation spot where I’m not too old, too poor, but the men are too hot to care.  I’m sure I’ll run some ideas by you on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’s clothing optional.  Should you want to take that option with moi, send some photographic evidence to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before my loaf rises.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Last week, The Kennedy Center released a very long list of performances that have been cancelled at their venue along with the reasons the show did not go on.  I found the various reasons quite curious – flood, fire, theatre repair, and artist illness, alongside the typical low ticket sales or no reason listed.  Which begs the question – are these artists protesting the current administration, or trying to avoid some sort of curse?

The Kennedy curse continued for JD Vance and Mrs. Vance.  They were at the center to see the National Symphony Orchestra when people in the audience broke out in boos.  Watching the video of this fracas, I must admit I was completely flummoxed.  JD Vance went to the symphony?

You may have heard that the Sundance Film Festival’s contract with the City of Sundance expires in a couple of years, and the festival is entertaining bids to move.  That’s fine by me, as long as they change the name.  You surely cannot have the Sundance Film Festival in Salt Lake City.  But what about if it were in another state entirely?  That’s what Robert Redford and other festival execs are pondering in light of a proposed bill that would ban Pride flags in schools and other state buildings in Utah.  Festival leaders claim that Sundance is a “vibrant, inviting and inclusive festival”.  So, I decided to help them out and provide a few options.  Didya know that there are cities called Sundance in New Mexico and Wyoming?  There’s also two Sundances in our 51^st state – Canada.  One in Alberta, and one in Manitoba, which is a ghost town.  I smell a winner (or whatever one smells in a ghost town).

A new production of Shakespeare’s Othello is breaking all kinds of Broadway records due to stars Denzel Washington and Jake Gyllenhaal. And yet, again, I am perplexed.  The marquee shows Denzel’s name before Jake’s – as befits the actor playing the title role.  But the photo above the names shows Jake on the left with Denzel’s name directly below.  Couldn’t someone find a single photo with Denzel on the left?

You know whose name is soon to be leaving Broadway?  Nicole Scherzinger, who will fade into the Sunset Blvd on July 13^th – about a month after she loses the Tony Award (just a hunch).  But she won’t be gone for long.  She’s slated to make her Carnegie Hall debut on October 8^th, in a concert that will likely begin with “As If We Never Said Goodbye” (again, just a hunch).

Where her name will not appear is back in London’s West End, where she had aspirations of helming a new production of Evita.  Several names had been bandied about for this Jamie Lloyd production (the same chap who directed the Sunset Blvd revival).  Ariana DeBose was the main contender, but she pulled out due to previous commitments.  The lackluster Rachel Zegler will star, and Lloyd claims she will “blow the roof off the London Palladium”.  Since she was unable to blow off anything in the film remake of West Side Story, I remain skeptical.

Some things can be measured – like cognitive abilities.  Wendy Williams is on the brink of getting a new evaluation with the hopes of quashing her conservatorship and regaining control of her life…and her assets.  Make no mistake, her situation is all about money.  If she was Wendy from the projects, nobody would be locking her up and controlling her assets.  She could be a complete mess and not a single person would care.  Her conservatorship began when Wells Fargo petitioned the court.  Yes, they were allegedly looking out for her best interests.  But don’t people have the right to squander their cash and make bad decisions?  If not, I should be locked away!

Then there’s Lady Gaga.  She says in 2020, she had “psychosis” and adds “I was not deeply in touch with reality.”  Did anyone lock her up?  Well, she kinda locked herself up.  Back in 2011, she directed the music video for “Marry the Night”, which showed her being wheeled into a mental institution on a gurney.  She called it “autobiographical”.  In the video, she tells the doctor evaluating her, “I’m gonna be a star.”  He thinks she’s delusional.  And yet…

People make drastic decisions when it comes to their mental health.  Some sleep with strangers connected to royalty (see above), while some simply escape.  Take Rosie O’Donnell.  She’s one of the few people who threatened to leave the country if Trump got elected to actually follow through.  Strike that – so did Ellen DeGeneres.  Maybe it’s a lesbian thing.  Or a comedienne thing.  “Although I was never someone who thought I would move to another country, that’s what I decided would be the best for myself and my 12-year-old child.”  She made this revelation on TikTok – which I’m sure my friend would say she’s far too old for!

“Thank you, Madame Chair.”
– Representative Sarah McBride’s response when the Chair for the House Foreign Affairs
subcommittee, Keith Self, referred to her as “Representative from Delaware Mr. McBride.” 
Sarah may have been willing to move on, but Bill Keating from Massachusetts interjected:
“Mr. Chairman, have you no decency?”  He added, “You will not continue it with me unless
you introduce a duly elected representative the right way.”  With that, the hearing came to an end.

I recently came across a map of Europe which allegedly showed where the population of each country thinks the best-looking men come from.  About 92% of Europe thinks Italian men are the hottest.  Interestingly enough, Italians think the Swedes are the hottest.  The country with the healthiest self-esteem is Greece, which thinks the hottest men come from within its own borders.  Outside of European countries, only Brazil made a dent.  If I had a nickel for every Brazilian who made a dent.  Which leads to our next story.

What the map didn’t address was how old these hot men were.  I was discussing vacation destinations with a friend and mentioned Ibiza.  He quickly said, “Don’t you think you’re too old for Ibiza?”  Am I a hundred?  Considering the Phoenicians went there in 654BC, I’m a veritable teenager!  Then I suggested Sitges, to which my friend quipped, “You don’t have enough money.”  Apparently I’m old and poor.  That wasn’t always the case.  I recall a trip to Monte Carlo about 20 years ago.  Sure, I was younger, but definitely poorer.  That didn’t stop a lad I met with Prince Albert from knocking on my hotel room door at 2AM.  I’m just saying that maybe I’m part of a metric that cannot be easily measured.  Or it might simply have been proximity – I was staying next door to the palace!

Our Ask Billy question is something on a lot of your minds.  Reggie in Maine asks: “When is Mid-Century Modern actually gonna air?  We’ve been waiting about a year.”

To be fair, Reggie’s question came in about a month ago.  I held it until now for timeliness.  The sitcom, being called a gay Golden Girls, hits Hulu on March 28^th.  But, be forewarned.  Advanced word is mixed at best.  The premise sounded promising – a gay man (Nathan Lane) asks his two besties (Matt Bomer and Nathan Lee Graham) to move into his palatial Palm Springs home that he shares with his mom (Linda Lavin).  But the trailer (which you can see on BillyMasters.com) seems a bit uneven.  Still, I’m inclined to watch.  After all, I liked Encore!  Encore!.

When I’m the only person who remembers the comedy duo of Nathan Lane and Joan Plowright, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Before we wrap up, let me announce something that’s been in the works for a while – the return of Billy Masters LIVE.  While I can’t reveal much, you can expect an episode or two a month starting in April.  More details will surely be found on  www.BillyMasters.com – the site that can’t keep a secret.  Should you need a bit more out of (or into) your dear Billy, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I help Armie finish his entrée!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Luigi Mangione was back in the news.  First there was word that he once posted on Twitter about having a “pretty huge dick”.  Maybe he spent some time in New Hampshire!  Now we hear he enjoyed being watched while having intimate relations, and there are “at least 20 videos of him having sex”.  Someone who claims to have seen the footage says, “It wasn’t just some grainy, late-night mistake.  It was perfect lighting, everything.”  How titillating.  Alas, the titillation also has real tits.  “A lot of the girls are too afraid to come forward or tell anyone for free they might get dragged into his case somehow.”  For the record, I’d let him drag me anywhere.

We don’t hear much about Armie Hammer, and that truly saddens me.  But on his Armie HammerTime podcast (take that in, people), he claims to have been attracted to his impression of the gay lifestyle.  “I’m at a restaurant, my phone blows up and it’s like Grindr, and like someone else is like, ‘I’m at the same restaurant.  Do you want a blow job in the bathroom.  And you’re like, ‘Hey guys, I’ll be back in five minutes.  You get up and you go to the bathroom, you get a blow job, you come back, and you’re like, ‘What was that?’  ‘I don’t know – some guy just sucked my dick.’  It’s like, ‘Who?’  It’s like, ‘Oh, I don’t know – I didn’t get his name.  Anyway, what did you order?’”  Well sure, Armie, when you put it like that, it all sounds so romantic.  But not always. 

Armie decided to give being gay a try.  “I remember I met this dude, handsome, French, you know – the whole thing.  I was like okay, this could work, this could work.  Let’s try this.  I just remember being like, God, beards – like women like it when you shave like this is fucking rough.  I remember I put my arms around him and I was like, oh my God and these shoulders are so wide.  He’s so big, like he’s almost my height…It did physically for me absolutely nothing.  Nothing, like not even a twitch.  I was like okay and then I remember like we were like making out and it was kind of like getting hotter and heavier but I was like going through the motions like not feeling anything.  And then he like reached for my dick.  I was like, ‘This is not going to happen, I’m sorry.’”  You know what I got out of this story, Armie?  You simply tried being gay with the wrong guy.  Maybe if you were with someone a bit less scruffy with a slighter frame, it might have worked.  If you want me to meet you in a restaurant bathroom, I guarantee I can do more than give you a twitch!

“So I’m performing ‘Diamonds Are Forever’ by
Sherry Bassey.  I wanted to respect the original sound
being it’s from like the ‘70s and so I wanted to channel
her but also give just an essence of myself within it.”
– Doja Cat during a Vogue backstage video of her getting ready for the Oscars. 
You know how to respect something?  Know the name of the person
who originally sang the song.  Repeat after me…SHIRLEY BASSEY.

What do Whoopi Goldberg and the touring company of Hamilton have in common?  They won’t be appearing at The Kennedy Center.  Hamilton cancelled a 2026 Kennedy Center run due to “the recent purge by the Trump administration of both professional staff and performing arts events at or originally produced by the Kennedy Center.”  Whoopi, while not a Kennedy Center Honoree, does have the Kennedy Center’s Mark Twain Prize for American Humor.  She too has taken a stand.  “I have no plans to go back to the Kennedy Center until the Kennedy Center becomes what it was supposed to be – a welcome place for all artists no matter what your groove is.

Whoopi did, however, appear at the Oscars – and looked quite fabulous.  One part of the ceremony which got quite a bit of criticism was the unfocused and almost pointless tribute to James Bond.  It included such songstresses as Lisa, Raye and Doja Cat – who quite literally choked under pressure.  Referring to “Diamonds Are Forever”, she said, “The song is a classic, and I put a lot of work into it but the nerves got to me and a bitch hit some flats.”  That’s putting it mildly.  Intriguingly, the lady who originated the song, Dame Shirley Bassey, took to the stage at 88 years old and sang it in Monaco three days before the Oscars.  Why didn’t the Academy call her?  It should be noted that Bassey – who sang three Bond themes – appeared on the Academy Awards celebrating 50 years of Bond in 2013 with a show-stopping rendition of “Goldfinger”.  But I suspect nobody would have minded seeing her again!

Isabella Rossellini had a momentous night at the Oscars.  Her ensemble was chosen with care – including a gown in blue velvet in honor of the film of the same name’s director, David Lynch.  Her date was Blue Velvet co-star, Laura Dern.  Her earrings were worn to the 1975 Oscars when her mom, Ingrid Bergman, won.  Those earrings were a gift for Ingrid by her then-husband (and Isabella’s dad), Roberto Rossellini.  Classy.

We’re doomed.  Finished.  Over.  After last week, I believe there is no hope.  I’m not talking about poor Zelenskyy being ambushed.  I’m also not talking about Rep. Al Green – who is also one helluva singer.  No, I’m talking about the execution of Brad Keith Sigmon in South Carolina – by firing squad!  Is it the 1800s?  Are we truly barbarians?  To be fair, Sigmon actually CHOSE to be killed by firing squad – and if that doesn’t scream insanity, then I don’t know what does (his other choices were electrocution and gas chamber).  You know what else is still on the books?  Death by hanging!  Oh, yes – you can be hung in Delaware, New Hampshire, and Washington – although I’ve slept with loads of men in New Hampshire and none were particularly well-hung.

Since we’re talking about death, let me update you on the Gene Hackman situation – although I suspect if you’re interested in this sort of thing, you already know what I’m about to say.  It would appear that Gene had advanced Alzheimer’s along with some coronary issues and died on February 18^th.  However, he seems to have outlived his wife by one week.  She succumbed to Hantavirus, which is spread through rat feces.  It would appear Gene was on a feces-free diet because no rat or any other food was found in his system – although he was not dehydrated.  So I’m to believe Mrs. Hackman died, and Gene continued on alone for a week?  Without food, without wife, but with water and a wailing dog?  And where were those great, attentive kids of his?  Nowhere to be found.

Speaking of wailing dogs, we come to Pamela Bach (I’m not being crass…just give me a moment).  The former Mrs. David Hasselhoff committed suicide – yet not due to her marital choices.  She suffered from crippling arthritis ever since a motorcycle accident with David back in 2003.  She was lying dead in her bedroom for several days with reports of a dog howling.  Happily someone checked in to see what the fuss was about.  The dog survived.

Our Ask Billy question is quite fascinating to me.  Shawn in Dallas writes: “Do you know Chad Franke Marks?  His mom Ruby was arrested for child abuse.  But he sure is pretty.”

This is like one of those stories Keith Morrison would have narrated: “Ruby Franke had it all.  Six kids, a husband, and a parenting podcast on YouTube.  Life was good for Ruby – or was it?”  While not germane to the story, Ruby and her family were members of the Mormon church and lived in Utah.  All seemed fine until an August night in 2023, when her 12-year-old son Russell escaped through a window in their home and asked a neighbor to take him to the police.  He had open wounds and duct tape and rope around parts of his body!  Police also found 9-year-old Eva in “a similar physical condition of malnourishment.”  And then there’s Chad.  He seemed fine – probably because he’d moved out of the house before these events transpired.  He became a sun-kissed blond lifeguard…nothing wrong with that.  Now he’s 20, working in real estate, and still posting online…on SnapChat.  No indication that he’s gay, but he doesn’t seem averse to showing some skin, as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

When Hackman’s dog was in the closet and Chad isn’t, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Looking at photos of Chad, I couldn’t help but think he’s exactly the kinda guy who would have been asked to model for A&F by their former CEO.  Of course, that’s why that CEO might end up in prison…alongside Chad’s mom!   It certainly ain’t a crime to check Chad out on  www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’s encourages you to take a little time to enjoy the view.  If you have a question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Demi plays Lyle Menendez!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Remember when I predicted Betty Gilpin’s run in Oh, Mary! would be disastrous at the box office?  I’m not saying this is disastrous, but the show you couldn’t get a ticket to is currently running at about 86% capacity.  Sure, that’s still commendable, but it’s a precipitous drop.  With Titus Burgess coming in for three weeks starting on March 18^th, things should pick up a bit.  And then?  Cole Escola and the entire original cast return on April 8^th – which is a perfect time to remind Tony Award voters why this was such a hit in the first place.

By the by, Cole’s absence wasn’t the only one to adversely affect the Broadway box office.  Audra McDonald was out for five performances of Gypsy due to a death of husband Will Swenson’s father.  Predictably, the box office suffered with attendance dropping from 85% to 58%.  Ouch!  That was a loss of roughly $600K in revenue.  Someone better remember that when it’s time to renegotiate!

I want to give credit where it’s due.  When Audra was out of Gypsy, her standby Tryphena Wade went on, and had a great success of her own.  A spy sent us a video of her “Rose’s Turn”.  She makes it her own – helped, in no small part, but eliminating the awkward key transposition put in for Audra.  You can check her out on our website.

The return of the original cast of Oh, Mary! will obviously include Conrad Ricamora, who will once again slip into Abraham Lincoln’s britches (which I suspect they’d both enjoy immensely).  But before that, Connie and his hubby Pete Wesley dashed off to Gay Paree – which was gayer than ever, if their Instagram photos are to be believed.  Snaps from their sojourn by the Seine can be found on social media…or on BillyMasters.com.

I recently told you about the cancellation of the national tour of Finn, a children’s musical which began at The Kennedy Center.  There will be a special performance of the show on March 17^th at New York’s Town Hall.  Obviously original cast members will be performing alongside numerous luminaries, such as Andrea Martin, Andrew Rannells, Kelli O’Hara, Jessie Mueller, Lea Salonga, and even the New York City Gay Men’s Chorus – a group which was also banished from The Kennedy Center.  Not surprisingly, this evening has been spearheaded by Seth Rudetsky and James Wesley along with Finn creators Chris Nee, Michael Kooman and Christopher Dimond.  If you can’t make it in person, have no fear – the night will also be livestreamed as part of the fifth anniversary celebration of Stars in the House.  Obviously proceeds must be going to a good cause, right?  The beneficiary will be The Trevor Project.  You can watch and donate at StarsInTheHouse.com.

I missed the Carnegie Hall debut of Jinkx Monsoon, which took place on Valentine’s Day – a holiday I’m somewhat unfamiliar with…perhaps because it happens hot on the heels of my birthday.  Fun fact – I’ve had many, many beaus on my birthdays.  I’ve also had many, many beaus on Valentine’s Day.  But I’ve not had the same beau on both.  While you ponder that, let me tell you Jinkx at Carnegie Hall was a triumph.  I guess she practiced!

“I am thrilled to accept the Razzie award in so many important
categories for @megalopolisfilm, and for the distinctive honor
of being nominated as the worst director, worst screenplay,
and worst picture at a time when so few have the courage to go
against the prevailing trends of contemporary moviemaking!”
– Francis Ford Coppola begins his Razzie acceptance speech via Instagram.  Of course, one can
rebound from a Razzie.  Pamela Anderson was named Razzie Redeemer for The Last Showgirl. 
In 1996, she was named Worst New Star for the eminently more entertaining Barb Wire.

By now, we all know the answer to that – yes.  I guess he got Mitzi Gaynor’s slot.  Still, there were moments of suspense.  Kamela was coming, she wasn’t coming.  Then there was the “James Bond” sequence, a tribute that left the world asking the question, “Why?”  I know they had Dame Shirley a few years ago.  But don’t tell me Adele was busy.  Or Gladys.  I’d have killed for a Sheena!  I’m no theologian, but I’m fairly confident anyone named Culkin winning an Oscar is one of the signs of an imminent apocalypse.  Am I the only one who thinks Demi could have been in Nosferatu?  The only thing Goldie didn’t do was scream La La Land!  Lastly, I think Sean Baker was the best part of the show.

The big story of last week was the death of Gene Hackman and his wife Betsy Arakawa…and their dog.  Everybody seems to forget about the dog, as if it died in any less curious a way.  Gene and his wife lived in a gated community in Santa Fe.  What we know as of this writing is that maintenance workers called 911 saying that while gardening, they looked in the window and could see two unconscious people who appeared to be “decomposing” (that’s one helluva vantage point).  Police let themselves in through an unsecured front door.  Fun fact – the Santa Fe Sheriff’s office also investigated the set of Rust, and we know what a crackjack job they did on that!  Police found Hackman in the “mud room” (note to readers not familiar with this term – typically a room between the back door and the kitchen where one would remove muddy footwear and clothing).  They found Betsy on the floor of the bathroom surrounded by pills, with a (living) dog lying by her side.  Another dog was found dead in a crate inside the bathroom closet.  And a third dog was running around outside.  And the police didn’t find anything suspicious?

Then Gene’s daughter Leslie chimed in.  “Despite his age, he was in very good physical condition.  He liked to do Pilates and yoga, and he was continuing to do that several times a week.  So he was in good health.”  She later added that his death was “not terribly shocking because he was 95.”  OK, Leslie, but at the same time as his wife?  And the dog?  Turns out, Leslie hadn’t talked to Dad for “several months”.  Good kid.  Police say there’s no sign of carbon monoxide poisoning.  When they ran a test on Hackman’s pacemaker, they discovered the last activity was on February 17^th.  So that’s a couple weeks earlier.  Both husband and wife’s bodies have been downgraded from “signs of decomposition” to “mummification” – like they were found in Luxor near King Tut!  And the most pressing question of all – would the Academy re-edit the “In Memoriam” package to include Hackman?

Someone who certainly ain’t stinky is Michael Lucas.  The gay porn performer and impresario has made an announcement – he’s going to make his bottoming debut (on film).  It’s so nice to know that even at an advanced age, it’s still possible to have firsts (why did my computer autocorrect that to “fists”?).  Mikey says, “I top probably 99 percent of the time in my personal life, but I have tried bottoming before.  I just didn’t feel comfortable doing it for everyone to see.”  Who is the lucky guy taking Lucas’ cherry – at least on screen?  That would be Louis Ricaute.  “I’ve known Louis for about 10 years, and I like him a lot.  He’s incredibly friendly and easy-going.  He’s also a great performer who I’ve topped before, and he asked me about filming a versatile scene in the past.  So I figured, ‘Why not?’  The sign will have dropped (so to speak) on LucasEntertainment.com by the time you read this, and you can see some images for the event on BillyMasters.com.

When Lucas is flipping, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  You’ll certainly flip if you head on over to www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’s versatile.  We didn’t have room to print an Ask Billy question this week, but I’m always there for you – even in private.  Send your question to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Trump and The Village People do a commercial for Crunch!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Sometimes life imitates art.  Take Ali Abbasi, director of the film The Apprentice about Donald Trump.  He was recently accused of groping someone.  Let’s take that in – the director of a biopic chastising a guy who talked about grabbing women by the pussy, groped someone?  Ali went on Twitter/X/Whatever and said, “I want to address the recent articles about me directly and openly.  I fully understand that my action made someone uncomfortable, regardless of my intent, and for that, I am sorry.”  But wait…there’s more.  “I had spent time with the person concerned on multiple occasions and had reason to think we had a friendly relationship.  When I saw him at the Golden Globes party, I was excited to reconnect.  I made an overly-familiar gesture – a slap on the rear – which I intended as playful and not in any sexual way whatsoever.  I quickly realized I had misjudged the situation.  I apologized to him on the spot, and the following day I made sure my apology was reiterated through my representatives.”  All I got out of that was the “victim” was a “he”!  Please, God, let it have been Sebastian Stan!

Like the annual appearance of the groundhog popping up out of his hole, so goes Kevin Spacey…doing whatever it is he does with holes.  Guy Pearce was on the Hollywood Reporter’s Awards Chatter podcast and revealed that when he filmed LA Confidential, Kevin Spacey “targeted me, no question”.  He told his then-wife about the “attention”, adding that the only days he felt safe on the set was when Simon Baker was there – because Spacey focused on Simon instead.  One can say many things about Spacey, but one can’t fault him for his taste.  Pearce says the memories came flooding back during the #MeToo movement.  “I was in London working on something and I hear about it and I broke down and sobbed, and I couldn’t stop.  I think it really dawned on me the impact that had occurred and how I sort of brushed it off and how I had either shelved it or blocked it out or whatever.”

Spacey came out swinging.  “We worked together a long time ago.  If I did something then that upset you, you could have reached out to me.  We could have had that conversation, but instead, you’ve decided to speak to the press, who are now, of course, coming after me, because they would like to know what my response is to the things you said.  You really want to know what my response is?  Grow up.”  He added that a year after they made that film, Guy flew to Georgia “just to spend time with me” while Spacey was filming Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil”  “I mean, did you tell the press that too, or does that not fit into the victim narrative you have going?  So, anyway, I apologize that I didn’t get the message that you don’t like spending time with me.  Maybe there was another reason, I don’t know.  But that doesn’t make any sense that you just would have been leading me on, right?”  Hmmm.  Then he wraps it up: “You want to have a conversation?  I’m happy to do so, anytime, any place.  We can even do it here, live on X, if you like.  I’ve got nothing to hide.  But Guy – you need to grow up.  You are not a victim.”

Since I’m freezing my assets off in Boston, here’s a story with hometown roots.  Last week, visitors to the John F. Kennedy Library found a sign crudely taped to the front door which read: “Due to the executive order, the JFK Library will be closed until further notice.”  As a result of President Musk’s firing frenzy, the library was shuttered.  I always thought Presidential Libraries were private institutions (clearly I watched too many episodes of Veep).  Turns out, the Office of Presidential Libraries is under the National Archives and Records Administration.  People were on our local news crying that they couldn’t go to an area that, frankly, isn’t particularly safe after dark (and not so safe during daylight).  Obviously these were not native Bostonians, who by and large never visit the place.  You sure ain’t seeing any Schlossbergs there – although Jack Schlossberg took to social media like he’s working as a ticket taker!  And, that, it turns out, is part of the problem.  When the library re-opened the next day, admission was free.  Why?  The five people who were let go were the only people who knew how to run the ticketing machinery!  Solution?  Free admission!  For now, at least.

Tensions won’t get relieved at Crunch Fitness West Hollywood (although, technically, not within the confines of West Hollywood).  In mid-January, the popular gym posted the following sign: “The steam room in the men’s locker room is temporarily closed.  This is due to inappropriate conduct by members.  Reopening is under review and will be determined the week of January 27^th”.  On January 31^st, there was an updated sign saying the situation was still under review.  The steam room reopened on February 3^rd.  Shortly thereafter, a new sign appeared (apparently someone really likes signs).  “Inappropriate behavior will result in your membership being terminated.  100%.  End of Story.  Full stop.”  On February 17^th, a new sign appeared.  “The steam room is permanently closed.  Please speak to the Front Desk if you have any questions.”  So members who pay loads of money in dues should speak to an inanimate object instead of a person?  Some patrons point out at the same “activity” is happening in the showers, and they haven’t been shuttered.  Well, we can’t have stinky studs walking out all sweaty!

“How crazy is it to think that we’re going to celebrate
Christ at Christmas with a big traditional production
to celebrate what we are all celebrating in the
world during Christmastime, which is the birth of Christ.”
– Ric Grenell, the new president of The Kennedy Center.  He says their new chairman
of the board wants to “make art great again”!  I believe that’s how Hitler got started.

Jaymes Vaughan recently asked ChatGPT to write a comedy roast about hubby Jonathan Bennett, and asked to make it “very mean”.  While you can see Jaymes read it (and Bennett’s hilarious response) on BillyMasters.com, here’s some of it: “Jonathan Bennett: Hollywood’s answer to ‘Do we have a budget for a real leading man?  No?  OK, call him.  You had your big break as Aaron Samuels in Mean Girls, a movie so iconic that people still quote it to this day…but somehow, not your lines…. It’s honestly impressive how you’ve managed to stretch 15 minutes of Mean Girls fame to an entire career of…well, existing…You’re like the Hollywood version of an outdated iPhone.  Sure, you technically still work, but no one’s exactly excited to use you.  Every time you pop up in a Hallmark movie, America collectively shrugs and says, ‘Oh, HIM again!’”

That made me curious – what would ChatGPT have to say about your beloved Billy Masters?  I didn’t fare much better.  “Billy Masters?  When people say ‘not everyone is cut out for comedy,’ Billy’s face is the first thing that pops up in their minds.  Billy’s column is like a buffet – half of it is stuff you just don’t want to touch, and the other half makes you question if the food is even fresh!  You’d get more laughs reading the back of a cereal box – at least that has some mystery to it!  And let’s talk about his comedic timing – it’s about as sharp as a marble.  If comedy had a participation trophy, Billy would have a shelf full of them – probably displayed next to his collection of unfunny Tweets.”  I take offense to that last bit – my lifetime Tweets are probably still in single digits.

This week’s Ask Billy question really took me back.  Sam in Las Vegas writes, “I read that Tom Chase is making a comeback.  Is it true?”

Gay porn legend Tom Chase got into gay porn in the 1990s, primarily working with Falcon.  At the time, he called himself “the Wally Cleaver of porn”.  In 2004, he announced his retirement.  Two years later, he returned – somewhat scruffier and more in the daddy vibe.  He landed at Colt Studios and was bigger than ever (so to speak).  He retired again around 2009.  Recently he gave an interview to explain what’s he’s been up to.  He’s a personal trainer, married to his best friend, and living in Oregon.  He said, “I am adjusting to getting older.  I am letting go of needing my butt to be as firm as a basketball, and I am allowing myself to crease and wrinkle and be ok about it.”  I’ll have to ask him how he did that!  As to gay porn, he started an OnlyFans page last year (he filmed a scene with Johnny Hazzard).  However, he’s open to a full-scale porn return.  He says he’d like to work for Raging Stallion – “any studio that focuses on older, senior muscle guys will interest me”.  He looks at his life in three stages – but phrases it like one of those SAT word questions.  “The first half of my career lasted 15 years.  Then I took 15 years off to grow up and get happy.  I want the second half of my career to be just as long – 15 years, finishing at the age of 75.”  So how old is Tom now?  You’ll get more visual clues on BillyMasters.com.

When Chase is showing off his beaver, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  These few days in Fort Lauderdale were just what I needed to recharge.  If you need to warm up, check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’s both naughty and nice.  If you have a question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Trump becomes a pescatarian!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Back in 2023, Sean Hayes won a Best Actor Tony for Good Night, Oscar, in which he played actor, pianist and raconteur Oscar Levant.  The show closed in August of 2023.  If you missed it, have no fear.  It’s just been announced that Hayes will bring the show to London’s Barbican Theatre – thus making his West End debut.  It’s a limited seven-week run starting on July 31^st and ending on September 21^st.  So book your trip now.

This made me look something up.  I remembered George Clooney announcing that he would be making his Broadway debut in a play adaptation of his film Good Night and Good Luck.  I wondered what ever happened to that.  Well, turns out the show is opening on April 3^rd at the Winter Garden Theatre.  His Edward R. Murrow will allegedly only run for two months.  But something tells me that could be extended.

Last week, Joy Behar debuted her latest oeuvre, My First Ex-Husband (the title was the idea of Behar’s second husband), based on discussions she had with dozens of divorced women.  She distilled their stories into eight monologues – delivered onstage by four women in black.  It’s a performance style that has worked well for shows like The Vagina Monologues and Love, Loss and What I Wore.  Similarly, her cast will rotate every four weeks.  The opening night company featured Behar alongside bestie Susie Essman, Tovah Feldshuh and Adrienne C. Moore.  The next cast will kick off February 26^th and includes some of our favorites – Susan Lucci, Judy Gold, Cathy Moriarty and Tonya Pinkins.  It plays at the MMAC Theatre in NYC.

Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson have signed with Apple TV+ for an “untitled brothers comedy series”.  The show is a fictionalized version of their lives – they are playing McConaughey and Harrelson as if they were brothers.  But it’s the next name which caught my eye.  The fabulous Holland Taylor will play Matthew’s mother, “Ma Mac”.  If they’re looking for a title, might I suggest, Two and a Half Bosom Buddies?

Sometimes you can go home again – and sometimes you can’t.  After years of bad recasts and inactivity, Project Runway is returning to the air, now as part of the Disney family on Freeform.  Lo and behold, they’ve lured back Heidi Klum.  But in a surprising move, Tim Gunn won’t join her…and it wasn’t his decision.  When Klum texted Tim to ask how his contract looked, he said what contract?  Tim says, “I called my agent and he knew things were going on, but he contacted the executive producer of this new show, and they said, ‘We don’t want him.’  And my agent said, ‘Well, he’s done 19 seasons of Runway, 16 with Heidi.  The two of them won an Emmy together as hosts, and now you’re going to separate them?’  And they said yes.  So I wasn’t asked back.”  Well, that’s not completely true.  He was asked to make a cameo in one episode.  He shot back, “What do I do?  Wave from a bus as the designers are going into Mood?  Heidi comes to see me at the retirement home and we play croquet?  So no thank you.  And as Heidi would say, you’re either in or you’re out.  And I’m out.  So I wasn’t asked to join.”

Someone who is trying to get out is Wendy Williams.  As you know, Wendy’s been in a memory unit of a NYC care facility which she describes as a prison.  Of course, that is where people with dementia and Alzheimer’s are placed, and Wendy was diagnosed with frontal temporal dementia – which she’s vehemently disputed during a recent media blitz.  Due to these lucid appearances, a new medical evaluation has been scheduled.  In fact, by the time you read this, that will have already taken place (by a doctor her legal team hand-picked).  She also filed papers with the court asking that her guardianship be dissolved.  Stay tuned.

“I love @realDonaldTrump as much as
a straight man can love another man.”
– Elon Musk.  I believe he said that during “Bring Your Kid to Work Day”.

I’m more than a little annoyed at my beloved Google.  They’ve caved to pressure from our new federal government and renamed the Gulf of Mexico as the Gulf of America.  BUT (there’s always a but), it will only be named that when you are in the United States.  Anywhere else, it will continue to be called the Gulf of Mexico.  Admittedly, this is not a big deal, right?  Who cares.  I thought that way…until I discovered that Google has also eliminated Gay Pride Month from their calendars…along with Hispanic Heritage Month, Women’s History Month and Holocaust Remembrance Day.  I hear that Black History Month was also on the list – but they felt it was better to wait until after it’s over!  They’re all heart.

Because he’s known for his discerning taste, El Presidente has taken over the Kennedy Center as chairman of the board.  The previous CEO, David M. Rubinstein, held the position since 2010.  That means he was chairman through both Democratic and Republican administrations.  One of El’s first decisions was to cancel the national tour of Finn – a children’s musical shepherded through the Kennedy Center.  While the Center’s spokesperson says the tour cancellation was “a purely financial decision”, I think not.  Finn is a musical about a young shark who “wants to let out his inner fish” – and I think we all know what that means.  In case it wasn’t clear, the team behind the show said, “At its heart it has a universal message of love and acceptance.”  Well, we can’t have that!  They added, “The fact that that extends to sparkly boys seems to be controversial.”

Last week, Guy Pearce and Adrien Brody were at the Santa Barbara Film Festival and both received the Cinema Vanguard Award.  During a panel discussion, Pearce was asked about The Adventures of Priscilla Queen of the Desert.  “We made the film in ’93, it came out in ’94 and coming off the back of the AIDS epidemic the homophobia was just off the charts through that period.  And people were starting to speak up.  People were starting to feel braver about stepping forward and acknowledging and speaking up about who they are.  Priscilla really enabled a voice for a lot of people, which is one of the things that we’ve been told this past 30 years.”  When asked about the oft-rumored sequel, he said, “We’re putting together a script, what the idea might be, and if we all feel that it’s worthwhile, and then we’ll do it.  I think Hugo and I and Terence are certainly into it, and Steph (writer/director Stephan Elliott) and Hugo and I are having lots of chats about what we might do.  So we’re excited about it, but we won’t do it unless it feels right.  We don’t want to ruin the original one.”  Fingers crossed.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Richie in New York: “Who is Benson Boone?  He’s hot as fuck!”

I have to confess, I’m surprised that Richie is the only one to write me about Boone.  Anyone who can have his tux ripped off at the Grammys by Nikki Glaser and Heidi Klum is my kinda guy (even if the former Mrs. Seal showed a surprising lack of dexterity in undressing a man).  Most people first became aware of Boone when he was on American Idol back in 2021.  Katy Perry predicted he could go viral (thank God I’ve been inoculated).  He left the show voluntarily and became a TikTok sensation – which is where most viruses begin.  He’s made headlines with some racy social media posts and once even left a concert in a Speedo and a smile!  Last year, he opened for Taylor Swift in London (I daresay, I’d open for him any time).  After his tux was removed at the Grammys, he revealed a pale blue, shimmery, translucent jumpsuit with a plunging neckline – suitable for a variety of occasions (even for a straight guy).  He was able to do several gymnastic moves, including his trademark flips.  He ended his “show” with the obligatory cock tug!  He later apologized for “adjusting” himself – as you can see on BillyMasters.com.

When there’s no need for an apology, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Watching Benson, I kept trying to think of who he looked like.  And then it hit me – Gino Vanelli.  Of course, you’re only gonna know who that is if you’re on the shady side of 50.  This week, my shade gets a bit darker as I turn another year older.  February 13^th – buy early, buy often.  Or just stop by and say hi on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’s always celebrating.  If you’d like to tug my cock, send a proposition to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Boone shows up on the next red carpet in Bianca Censori’s outfit!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

The current administration may only be three weeks old, but the ramifications are going to be far-reaching.  Didya hear about the eggs?  Yes, they’ve gotten so expensive, my beloved Waffle House is adding a 50-cent surcharge per egg!  At this rate, you’ll need to take out a loan just to buy an omelet!  This led to some fighting words from their main competitor.  “A surcharge on eggs?  Well, there’s nothing hospitable about that.  At Cracker Barrel, country hospitality is as important to us as a hearty breakfast – and that means not charging extra for eggs.”  Them’s fightin’ words!  I’ll stick with the waffles.

As if that wasn’t enough, the administration is now going after our national cultural center – the Kennedy Center.  El Presidente wrote: “At my direction, we are going to make the Kennedy Center in Washington D.C., GREAT AGAIN.  I have decided to immediately terminate multiple individuals from the Board of Trustees, including the Chairman, who do not share our Vision for the Golden Age in Arts and Culture.  We will soon announce a new Board, with an amazing Chairman, DONALD J. TRUMP!  Just last year, the Kennedy Center featured Drag Shows specifically targeting our youth – THIS WILL STOP.  The Kennedy Center is an American Jewel, and must reflect the brightest STARS on its stage from across our Nation.  For the Kennedy Center, THE BEST IS YET TO COME!”.  What do you think this administration’s idea of great cultural programming is?  I mean, how many nights in a row can you see The Village People?

I’m guessing Oh, Mary! won’t be playing the Kennedy Center anytime soon.  Well, it could if it starred the current Mary, Betty Gilpin.  She took over the role two weeks ago and, as I predicted, it led to a dip at the box office.  How much?  Roughly $300K in one week.  While that sounds like a lot, capacity was only down by a couple of percentage points.  How is that possible?  Miss Gilpin cannot command the ticket prices that Mr. Escola could.  But, this could all be changing.  Tituss Burgess will take over the title role for three weeks starting March 18^th.  Turns out, he has a very close connection with Cole Escola and hoped to play the role.  Dreams do come true!

Devotees of RuPaul’s Drag Race might have been shocked to learn about contestant Sam Star’s close connection with Charles Barkley.  The basketball great went to high school with Sam’s mom and has always been his unofficial godfather.  Star quipped, “I’m sure he’s proud that I’m a drag queen and not a basketball player.”  Barkley even went to one of Sam’s drag shows.  We’re told he was generous with the tipping!  Of course, none of this should come as a complete surprise.  Remember back in 2023 when people protested Bud Light working with Dylan Mulvaney?  Barkley had no problem sharing his thoughts.  “I got three cases of Bud Light, and hey, I want to say this.  If you’re gay, bless you.  If you’re transgender, bless you.  If you have a problem with that – fuck you!”

I hate to give any oxygen to Kanye West, or his wife, Bianca Censori, who was basically nude on the red carpet.  When criticized, he lashed out on Twitter by saying, “Anyone who called my wife’s Grammy look a stunt is dumb and laaaame yes youuuu She been dressing naked for 2 years Now all of a sudden it’s a stunt.  Every single bitch on the planet wish they had her bravery body platform and a husband that supported they personal expression.”  I dunno if I’d call it a stunt – but it does appear that they simply showed up at the Grammys to walk the red carpet.  We hear they never went into the venue – they simply left!  As to his antisemitic posts, he made what was possibly his most honest statement ever.  “I don’t even know what the fuck anti-Semitic means.”  Someone buy that guy a dictionary!  Lastly, he spoke up on behalf of a friend.  “FREE PUFF.  @realDonaldTrump PLEASE FREE MY BROTHER PUFF.”  So if it happens, thank Ye!

Hasn’t Wendy Williams suffered enough?  You know you’re in trouble when your most vocal advocate is Britney Spears!  Yes, Brit has offered to do whatever she can to help Wendy get out of her court-ordered guardianship.  At least she’s sticking with something she knows about.  Guardianship, snakes, Ginsu knives, and that’s about it.

In 1990, Sinéad O’Connor scored a major hit with “Nothing Compares 2 U”, written by Prince.  In 2017, she gave one of her last televised performances of the haunting song.  Now, a year after her death, she made a curious request to her children.  In her will, she asked that all of her albums to be re-released and instructed her kids to “milk it for what it’s worth.”  A guy asked me to do that to him once – but that’s another story.

“My job is to look out and make sure that we don’t have any
kings or queens in this country.  But it seems like y’all have
decided that it is going to be Mr. King and his Queen –
and y’all can pick which one is which.”
– Representative Jasmine Crockett criticizes the access Elon Musk
has been given by El Presidente.  I love a woman who ain’t fronting!

I love music, but the Grammy Awards have never really excited me.  But I can appreciate many of the artists, including Beyoncé.  Her country album Country Carter did very well at the Grammys.  And this leads us to one of Billy’s Fun Facts.  Didya know it’s been 51 years since a Black woman won a Grammy in a country music category?  The last time was back in 1974 when Best Country Vocal Performance by a Duo or Group was won by four Black women – Ruth, Anita, June and Bonnie.  You probably know them as The Pointer Sisters (back when they were a quartet).  The song, “Fairytale”, was written by Anita and Bonnie, and later covered by Elvis Presley.

As always, there were political moments during the show.  Shakira won Best Latin Pop Album.  “I want to dedicate this award to all of my immigrant brothers and sisters in this country.  You are loved, you’re worth it, and I will always fight for you.”  This might be a good time to mention that our president’s mother was an immigrant.  Come to think of it, so were two of his wives!  Then there’s Lady Gaga, who won Best Pop Duo or Group with Bruno Mars for “Die with a Smile”.  She took to the stage and used her moment to criticize El Presidente’s edict that there are only two genders – male and female.  “Trans people are not invisible.  Trans people deserve love.  The queer community deserves to be lifted up.  Music is love.”

Our Ask Billy question comes from Frank in Michigan: “I read online that Taylor Perez is becoming an underwear model.  For who?  And do you have the photos?”

That’s Taylor Zakhar Perez to you, Frankie.  Taylor has been signed by Lacoste to be the face…er, the abs of their brand as “global underwear ambassador”.  In Red, White and Royal Blue, he was the openly gay son of the US president.  In real life, not so open.  Taylor said, “I’ve always admired the history, legacy, and creativity of the brand, and it’s with great pride that I now carry the values of the crocodile.”  His “values” are on full display against a Parisian backdrop and are quite impressive.  You won’t need a passport to check him out on BillyMasters.com.

When nothing comes between Taylor and his gator, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  More wildlife can be found on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that never asks, “Boxers or briefs?”.  For all your other needs, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before someone asks Collins to play Eve from the Garden of Eden (she knew her, too).  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

With the Super Bowl around the corner, we’re looking forward to some of the ads that will run.  Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan revisit the infamous deli from When Harry Met Sally for Hellmann’s.  Not being a mayo aficionado, I didn’t get too excited about that.  Still, there is magic seeing Crystal sitting across from a virtually unrecognizable Ryan.  Speaking of unrecognizable, the aforementioned Cher hawks Uber Eats straddling a cannon.  She gets ahold of a time machine and tries to go back to the ‘80s – the 1680s.  Eh, at least it’s a year she remembers!  When villagers remark, “She’s both young and old at the same time,” you realize she’s in on the joke.  When they call her a witch, she corrects them.  “I’m an icon.”

Speaking of icons, we come to my favorite story of the week.  Have you heard about Joan Collins’ latest comeback?  Talk about going back in time.  The 91-year-old legend has signed on to make a big-screen biopic about Wallis Simpson!  The Bitter End recounts Mrs. Simpson’s years after the death of the Duke.  What nobody seems to know is that Collins manifested this project 40 years ago.  Back in the October 1, 1985 issue of Life magazine (remember Life?), Collins was featured in a pictorial as famous women in history.  Queen Elizabeth I, Catherine the Great, Cleopatra, Marilyn Monroe, Eve (as in Adam and…) and even the Duchess of Windsor.  She also dressed as Josephine Baker – which is problematic for other reasons.  She’ll once again don Wallis drag.  “It’s a very good script, and it’s a great part for me.  I’ve always been fascinated by Wallis, because I think she was unfairly treated,” says Collins.  Simpson was previously portrayed on screen by Faye Dunaway in The Woman I Love, Joely Richardson in Wallis & Edward, Eve Best in The King’s Speech and Lia Williams in The Crown.

Pee-wee Herman (aka Paul Reubens) basically took over the airwaves in the ‘80s.  The ‘90s were mostly mired in a sticky sort of scandal.  Reubens successfully revived the character in Pee-wee’s Big Holiday in 2016.  Two years after his death, a documentary has debuted at the Sundance Film Festival.  Pee-wee as Himself was not only well received, but managed to make news.  At long last, Reubens came out as gay – in his own words.  “I was out of the closet, and then, I went back in the closet.  I wasn’t pursuing the Paul Reubens career; I was pursuing the Pee-wee Herman career”.  He also says, “I was secretive about my sexuality even to my friends [out of] self-hatred or self-preservation.  I was conflicted about sexuality.  But fame was way more complicated.”  Sounds like a great doc.

Every once in a while, people ask me about that film version of Sondheim’s Merrily We Roll Along.  It’s being directed by Richard Linklater, and he’s got a long-term plan.  Given that the musical takes place over 20 years (in reverse chronological order), he wants to film it over a similar time period – except being shot in chronological order (similar to how he shot Boyhood over 12 years).  Linklater started shooting in 2019 with Ben Platt, Beanie Feldstein, and Blake Jenner.  However, shortly after filming the rooftop “Our Time” sequence, Jenner left the project.  He was replaced by Paul Mescal.  Problem is – all three actors are already significantly older than their characters were.  And, here’s another rub – who in God’s name is going to care about any of these people in 20 years?  I barely care about them now!  And, at least in terms of Beanie and Ben – haven’t we all suffered enough?

Clearly it’s time for another jaunt in the Filth2Go Wayback Machine.  Back in 1974, Little House on the Prairie debuted on NBC.  After Netflix announced a reboot, Megyn Kelly expressed concern over preserving the sanctity of the show.  “If you wokeify Little House on the Prairie I will make it my singular mission to absolutely ruin your project.”  This ticked off Melissa Gilbert, who responded.  “Ummm… watch the original again.  TV doesn’t get much more ‘woke’ than we did.  We tackled: racism, addiction, nativism, anti-Semitism, misogyny, rape, spousal abuse and even other ‘woke’ topic you can think of.  Thank you very much.”  No, thank you, Half Pint!

In 1975, Cher televised a TV special which led to her solo variety show.  The special included a skit that took place at Final Curtain – Rest Home for Aged Performers.  The aged residents included Cher, Bette Midler and Flip Wilson in the year 2025.  They congregate in the “fun room” to watch the 1975 special.  When Elton John enters on a motorized wheelchair…well, Cher and Bette cannot keep it together.  Check it out on BillyMasters.com.

Back in 1985, Lily Tomlin scored a major success with her partner Jane Wagner’s one-woman show, The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe.  She even won the Tony Award.  In 1991, it was made into an acclaimed play and Lily reprised the role in a national tour in 1999.  Others have tackled the material – most recently, Cecily Strong did it off-Broadway and in Los Angeles in 2022.  Now, the Aurora Theatre in Berkeley, CA will mount a revival this summer starring our very own Marga Gomez.  “I couldn’t be more thrilled to see Marga Gomez stepping in to Lily Tomlin’s iconic role,” said Aurora’s Artistic Director, Josh Costello.

In 1997, Lisa Kudrow and Mira Sorvino attended their 10-year high school reunion.  Well, not their reunion.  It was Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion.  Guess what?  In a couple of years, it will be their 40^th high school reunion.  So what a perfect time to talk about a sequel.  This time around, Sorvino and Kudrow are involved behind the scenes as executive producers.  Since they want to release the film in 2027, they’re not in a big rush.

“Seeing that video, it’s hard to believe that it’s
actually genuine and real because she’s an actress.”
– Criticism of Selena Gomez crying in a video about the mass deportation
of illegal immigrants.  Trust me, lady, she’s not THAT good an actress.

This week, I’m writing to you from sunny South Florida – Fort Lauderdale, to be precise.  As I boarded the plane, a Facebook memory popped up from 2019.  “I’m heading to Fort Lauderdale to compete against Dan Renzi in the pole dancing competition at Chat Noir.”  While I’d like to say my life has changed since then and I’ve grown up, apparently I’m the same ole Billy – except it’s no longer a competition.  And, rather than the divine Dan, I was with three dear lifelong friends to celebrate my upcoming birthday.  You know what I discovered?  Straight women are exhausting (no offense).  I adore them, but I must give it up to straight men…which I’ve always been inclined to do.  And, instead of Chat Noir, we were at AquaPlex (formerly Lips) to see my pal Daisy DeadPetals host the fabulous drag dinner.  Definitely check it out if you’re in the neighborhood – FlaDragShow.com.

It’s been a busy week, so let’s dispense with the politics quickly.  First, how could a fatal collision in mid-air be blamed on former Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg?  “He’s a disaster now!” said El Presidente.  Yeah, because a former Rhodes scholar who has served in our military and served in both local and federal government is not nearly as qualified as an alumni of The Real World!  Mayor Pete wasn’t taking that lying down.  “Despicable.  As families grieve, Trump should be leading, not lying.”

Did I slip into a time warp and enter the ‘80s?  When did Caroline Kennedy dump the Schlossberg name?  Not that I really care, but it seems like she’s sold the Schlossbergs down the river and become a Kennedy again?  I have a good mind to ask for my bat mitzvah gift back!  And if she’s gonna be Caroline Kennedy, would it kill her to come back and host The Kennedy Center Honors?  I miss her sidling onto the stage in an ill-fitting dress and carrying a saddlebag.  Still, I sincerely appreciate her service to our country.

This week’s Ask Billy question comes from Reggie in Miami: “I just saw a commercial for a new sitcom with Laverne Cox.  What’s that all about??”

For this one, we had to enlist the aid of the Filth2Go Wayback Machine.  And you know it’s WAY back, because the sitcom is produced by Norman Lear, who’s been dead since 2023!  Back then, they shot a pilot called Clean Slate, which was shopped around to a number of networks.  I guess they weren’t ready for a sitcom about the owner of a car wash in Alabama (George Wallace) who is surprised when the son he hasn’t seen for almost 20 years comes back as his daughter (Laverne Cox).  Reggie is right – the trailer for the show looks fantastic.  George Wallace is a comic legend, and Laverne Cox mostly holds her own playing the glamorous, down-and-out daughter.  And then you have the sublime Telma Hopkins as Laverne’s mom.  If what airs on Amazon Prime starting on February 2^nd matches what’s in the pilot, then they may just be onto something…continuity be damned!

When I’m picturing Ashley Parker Angel and gallons of baby oil, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  In researching this column, I also learned that Drew Goins has a penchant for karaoke…of the Celine persuasion.  Let’s hope if any part of his body becomes stiff, it turns up on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that always starts with a clean slate.  If you have a question for me, send it along at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I hit on Drew (in the form of a question, naturally).  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

You know who looks good in any ‘kini?  Drew Goins – which my computer auto-corrected as “Drew Groins”.  The blond-ish beau (who writes for the Washington Post) sent out mega gay vibes back in September when he appeared on Jeopardy!.  A few weeks ago, he returned for the Second Chance tournament and cemented his status as a gay icon.  The Final Jeopardy question was, “An early version of this app was called Matchbox but that name was too similar to another company that offered the same service.”  The correct answer was Tinder, which Drew spelled as Tindr.  Then there was the slightly too-tight turtleneck which prominently displayed his headlights.  Regarding nipple-gate (it’s not a “gate”), he said, “I promise that a certain body part or two of mine was less prominent when I put that turtleneck on at the beginning.”  He bought the infamous turtleneck at Banana Republic on Ala Moana Boulevard in Waikiki, which was decidedly warmer than the Jeopardy! studios.  Still, he’s taking the attention in stride, since he recently posted a photo wearing a half shirt emblazoned with “I’ll take being cute for $200”.  Still, he claims to not want shallow people.  “Someone said, ‘I’m thirsty for his brain!”  And that is what I would love people to be thirsty for.”  Easy to say since he announced on the show that he’s engaged to his longtime boyfriend.  Amusingly, when he showed up on lookalike brother Zach’s Inside the Film Room podcast, he said, “Even though the fact we look like twins has not stopped the internet from mistaking us as husbands.”  I think the fact that Drew says to Zach, “I love you Boo Bear” has certainly played a part in the confusion.  FYI, Zach is married…to a woman (Drew was best man).  Check them both out on BillyMasters.com.

Another blast from the past is O-Town.  The band constructed on the television show Making the Band has been in the headlines before – mostly regarding allegations against their Svengali Lou Pearlman, who had a penchant for watching footage of Ashley Parker Angel in the shower (and who can fault him for that).  People forget that after three seasons on ABC with O-Town, Making the Band did 9 more seasons on MTV… with Sean “Diddy” Combs.  With all the scandal surrounding Diddy, the O-Town boys (who have reunited sans the aforementioned Angel) want to set the record straight.  Their management said, “The corporate events O-Town does tend to be the strongest offers for the group,” a statement that speaks volumes.  “The offer was pulled due to the perception of the group being attached to Diddy…Since the Diddy news, we’ve received questions and hesitancy from several talent buyers, especially for soft tickets like fairs and theme parks, as well as city-funded events.”  What I got out of this is they do a lot of county fairs, amusement parks, and events sponsored by Tang.  For the love of Pete, let O-Town sing!

Speaking of oldies but…well, oldies, how many of you remember Robin Byrd?  Even if you know where she ended up, you probably don’t know where she came from.  She was born and raised in NYC, studied marketing, dropped out of school to be a nude model and eventually appeared in some porno films – including Debbie Does Dallas (so that gives you a rough idea of her age).  In the late ‘70s, public access cable was starting, and Robin paid to host her own weekly talk show on the city’s infamous Channel J – which had no censorship and regularly ran nudity.  Robin became notorious by sitting down and chatting with straight and gay porn stars, having them strip, and provoking “Mr. Cameraman”.  She became a viral sensation – long before there was a cure!  Robin also became a very visible gay activist in the NYC community in the ‘80s and ‘90s.  Now she’s trying to get a documentary made about those heady times.  And, as usual, she wants to hear from you.  She says you can call (347) 829-4959.  If you call, tell me what she says – I’m afraid to find out how much a minute she charges.

Jonathan Bennett is also going back to the future.  Just after the new year, he took what some are referring to as an “iconic commercial” (which I, inexplicably, never saw) for Carnival Cruises which featured Kathie Lee Gifford singing, “Ain’t We Got Fun”.  Oh, good – three reasons why it doesn’t ring any bells!  Apparently it was iconic enough for the Mean Girls star to do a kinda shot-for-shot recreation with himself as a latter-day Kathie Lee (sans Cody and Cassidy).  The result – a viral video (there’s a lot of that going around this winter, so bundle up).  It got the attention of Kathie Lee, who said, “I suppose imitation is the best form of flattery, so thank you @jonathandbennett.  Although, I do look a whole lot better than you do in a bikini!”  Curious ‘cause he ain’t wearing a bikini, or a monokini.  Decide for yourself when you see both videos on BillyMasters.com.

“No nomination for the Oscar, but I couldn’t even
imagine that.  I did get a SAG nomination,
which is really exciting.”
– Pamela Anderson is philosophical about being snubbed by
the Academy for The Last Showgirl.  Still, it’s odd to hear
her even udder the word “SAG”!

As a globetrotter on a budget, I have no shame in admitting I’ve flown Spirit Air.  Boston to Fort Lauderdale nonstop for $32?  My Uber to the airport cost more!  A middle seat on a flight less than three hours?  I’ll manage.  But on my last flight, I was seated next to a woman of Rubenesque proportions in a pair of Daisy Dukes and a halter top.  When she sat down, virtually all of her clothes disappeared into crevices heretofore unseen while standing.  She almost looked nude – and damn proud of it!  She might have to think twice the next time she flies.  Spirit just announced a dress code.  You may not be allowed to board if you are someone “barefoot or inadequately clothed, or whose clothing or article, including body art, is lewd, obscene, or offensive in nature.”  They also mention “see-through clothing, not adequately covered, exposed breasts, buttocks or other private parts.”  OMG – at least three times in 2024, I could have been kicked off the plane!  Oh, the shame – booted from a Spirit flight.

Fire, wind, earthquake – haven’t the poor people of California suffered enough?  I have spent about 20 years not completely comprehending who Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are – and I’m proud of that.  Just when I think I’m out, they pull me back in.  The gruesome twosome has filed a lawsuit against the Los Angeles Department of Water and Power.  Why?  They claim that since the city didn’t maintain an adequate water supply, they lost their home in the fire.  From a purely practical standpoint, this suit cannot prevail or the entire state would be bankrupt.  From an amused standpoint – I’d really like to see Spencer Pratt stand up in open court and identify the Santa Ynez Reservoir on a map.  In fact, I’ll be impressed if he can identify the state of California!

Two Broadway babies are lobbying for Bravo to get into the theatre game.  Megan Hilty recently pitched Andy Cohen an idea – The Real Housewives of Broadway.  Andy said the idea had previously been discussed with Kristin Chenoweth and said he’d love to do it.  The Broadway/Housewives combination is not as outrageous as you’d think.  Quite a few Housewives have appeared on Broadway – including NeNe Leakes, Kandi Burruss and Erika Jayne.  Admittedly, they all appeared in the musical Chicago, but it’s a start.

We hear that Golden Globe winner Ariana DeBose has a plum project on the horizon.  She’s in discussions to lead a new production of Evita at the London Palladium.  You’ll recall that this is where the acclaimed revival of Sunset Boulevard with Nicole Scherzinger started.  In fact, this Evita will be directed by Jamie Lloyd – who directed Sunset.  Previews begin June 12^th.

Tom in Arizona provides this week’s Ask Billy question: “I saw Tom Holland on the cover of Men’s Health.  He looks amazing.  Has he ever posed nude??”

Well, there’s nude and then there’s nude.  While promoting one of those Spider-man movies, he told Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos, “Essentially I’m naked in those movies because the suit is so skintight.”  And in Men’s Health, he certainly looks like a superhero.  However, it should be noted that he’s a little bit of a thing – not to be confused with having a little bit of a thing.  He’s 5’8” (barely) and weighs about 145 pounds – but can “bulk up” to a hefty 155.  That’s not a whole lotta body to whip into shape.  One of my favorite former porn pups is the buff and beautiful Tory Mason – who I think of as an adorable Muppet of the gay porn galaxy.  He likes to remind me that he’s perfectly proportioned (talk about someone who’s made big bucks taking and receiving sperm).  Anyway, if you’d like to check out Mr. Zendaya’s bod, head on over to BillyMasters.com.

When “influencer” is another term for “sperm donor”, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  In the “Men’s Health” article, I was struck by something Timothée Chalamet said: “Tom is the ultimate rizz master.”  In my haste, I thought Timmy was making some bold confession referring to Holland as a “jizz master”, which would have fit into this week’s column quite nicely.  Alas, “rizz” is a word the kids use for “charisma”.  For more bits that are lost in translation, check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that brings you the rizz and the jizz!  If you want to share either with me, reach out and touch me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Babs shows up at that telethon!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

This column is being written prior to the Coronation…er, the Inauguration.  I don’t have lots of thoughts – other than I think it’s amusing that El Presidente believes Hollywood is in another country.  Why else would he need Special Ambassadors to Hollywood?  Unless he means “special” as in “special needs”.  Next, I really don’t care about Carrie Underwood, but I think anyone who can make a lot of money and get international exposure is lucky.  Good for her.  Yes, I know how many gay people feel.  One such fan posted this to Carrie: “Don’t ever call yourself an LGBTQ ally again, you’re supporting the man that wants to abolish LGBTQ rights, you should be ashamed.”  I’m ashamed that this person doesn’t know the difference between a comma and a period.  I have no problem with Nancy Pelosi sitting this out.  But I’d pay good money to watch her try to do “Y.M.C.A.” without breaking a hip!

You know what does shame me?  Seeing Joe Manganiello hosting Deal or No Deal Island.  First off…REALLY?  I don’t have oodles of respect for him as an “actor”, but even I think he’s better than this.  Apparently one of the trades thinks so – in writing about the show, they called him a “veteran actor”!  Well, any chance one gets to see Joe shirtless is fine by me.  But I’ve seen lots of reality shows, and I’ve rarely seen the hosts topless.

It’s the end of an era.  When acclaimed gay party promoter Jeffrey Sanker died in 2021, one thought his empire would crumble.  But it continued…although in a somewhat diminished capacity.  Last week, it was announced that the legendary White Party in Palm Springs (which typically takes place around Easter weekend) was cancelled.  They are not saying it’s gone for good, but it sure sounds like it.  “While it’s bittersweet to take a pause, this gives us an opportunity to reflect and explore new ways to innovate and evolve”.

Someone else taking a pause is Bobby Berk.  The former Queer Eye host sold his home in the Hollywood Hills.  First he’s drummed out of the show, then he’s drummed out of Hollywood.  We hear he will not relocate in the area.

Some people take a pause against their will.  Take Wendy Williams.  She’s been (allegedly) locked in a facility against her will with limited contact with family and friends.  Her crime?  None that I can think of.  People say they are doing it for her own good – but I don’t know how selling someone’s home, giving away their pets, confining them to a facility, and keeping them away from their father’s 94^th birthday is good.  Wendy found a way to get her message out directly – via Charlamagne The God and The Breakfast Club (you can hear the full interview on BillyMasters.com).  She called into the show last week sounding surprisingly lucid – aside from repeating “you know what I’m saying” about two thousand times.  I am completely Team Wendy on this.  Even if she is mentally compromised, why shouldn’t she be able to choose where and how she wants to live?  It’s a world gone mad.

Pope Franny is all for welcoming gay men into the priesthood on one condition – if they are willing to have “an orientation towards celibate life.”  Now, I’m no authority on Catholicism, but aren’t all priests – gay or straight – supposed to be celibate?  I looked it up and found this information: “The Catholic Church considers the law of clerical celibacy to be not a doctrine, but a discipline.”  And I’ve known my share of priests who like to be disciplined!  Anyway, the Pope has his own views: “The objective of the training for priesthood in the emotional-sexual sphere is the ability to welcome chastity in celibacy as a gift, to freely choose and to responsibly live it.”  It’s a gift?  As I tell most people when it comes to gifts, I’d rather have the cash!

I am never surprised at the stupidity of people.  But this chick in France takes the cake…or the gâteau!  She willingly handed over $850K to someone she met online who said he was Brad Pitt.  Let’s first start with this point – who out there believes a random message they get online is from the real Brad Pitt?  Hands?  OK, let’s say you believe it is really Brad Pitt – God only knows why.  Is there any universe in which you think he’s asking strangers for hundreds of thousands of dollars?  And riddle me this – if Max Emerson is getting $15K a pop to jerk off, how much could Brad Pitt make in a couple of hours?  Anyway, Frenchie says “Brad” told her he had cancer – but, shhh, it’s a secret he’d only tell random strangers online.  He needed money for treatment, and that bitch Angelina froze his accounts.  Is there any part of that story you would believe?  Max Emerson – sure.  Brad Pitt – I don’t think so.

“You’re a lot more interesting than I thought.”
– Cher to Josh Brolin after he discussed his memoir on The Graham
Norton Show in December.  After Cher promoted her memoir, Josh said,
“You remind me of my mom!”   Before you ask, he meant
his biological mom, not his stepmom who he refers to in the
book as “a singer”.  You know her as Barbra Streisand.

People like to bash the so-called Hollywood elite, but those privileged few know how to band together when the going gets tough.  Numerous fundraisers have been organized to help those decimated by the LA fires.  Josh Brolin is one of the stars spearheading LA Wildfire Relief LIVE – a telethon with a glittering lineup.  No word yet if he’s convinced his stepmom to step up (or, for that matter, his new pal Cher).  Then there’s FireAid, a benefit concert taking place in not one but two LA venues.  Others are involved with the SoCal Fire Fund on Charitybuzz.  There’s also a virtual benefit called LA Check In – which sounds like something you do at a Best Western!

Also victim of the fires were “influencers” Max Emerson & Andres Camilo.  Hours after their home succumbed to the flames (a home they renovated and heavily documented online), they announced they were separating.  Which begs the question – “Who?”  Actually, that’s somewhat unfair – I have at least heard of Max Emerson.  And one must applaud the posting of their separation announcement.  It was nestled between footage of their house burning down and a montage of near-nude photos of them in happier times.  Putting it into context, Max’s previous post was a video talking about becoming a sperm donor – for $15K a pop.  At that rate, he’ll be in a new house before you can say “Roll over!”  Some people got it and make it pay – some people can’t even give it away!

Our Ask Billy question comes from Kasey in Chicago: “I read that Nicholas Hoult was given a dildo as a gift from Nosferatu.  What’s that all about?”

First things first – I was shocked to learn Nicholas Hoult was straight!  Sure, he dated Jennifer Lawrence, but you know – whatever.  After I saw A Single Man, I was sure he was gay.  I dunno if it was the film, his eyebrows, or that angora sweater.  It just all screamed gay to me.  He’s apparently straight and has two kids.  Anyway, back to Kasey’s question – Nicholas starred in Nosferatu with Bill Skarsgård.  The dildo (it’s actually a prosthetic penis) belonged to Bill.  I’ll let Hoult explain: “I have Count Orlok’s prosthetic penis framed at home.  There’s a scene where Bill Skarsgård is slurping my blood and Robert Eggers [the director] asked, ‘How was that for you?’ and I said, ‘I could feel his prosthetic penis on my leg.”  After the filming wrapped, Eggers sent him the penis in a frame.  A curious codicil to this story is that at some point, the frame got broken.  So Nicholas brought it to a shop to be re-framed.  He was certain the guy would ask about the object, but he didn’t even bat an eye…until it was ready for pickup.  He asked Hoult, “Is this some kind of collector’s piece?”  Nicky said, “Yeah, you could say that.”  You could also see it on BillyMasters.com.

When straight men are collecting penises (penii?), it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  We should also note the death of Anita Bryant.  Sure, she was notably against gay rights, but I’ll always remember her as that Florida orange juice lady.  I know we tend to vilify people with different viewpoints, but I was nonetheless stunned when folks online were comparing Bryant to Hitler, Mussolini, and Stalin.  Not only do I not think these are apt comparisons, it gives Anita just a tad too much importance.  She was certainly entitled to her opinion – just as others were entitled to protest her and, in one instance, pelt her with a banana cream pie (in refusing to press charges, she quipped, “At least it was a fruit pie!”).  She knew her views would be career suicide, but she had her convictions…something very few people do.  I know, I know – stick with hot nude men, Billy.  And you’ll find plenty of them on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that can’t be put in a box…or a frame!  If you’ve got something worth framing, send a photo along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I troll LA hot spots in hopes of running into Matt Gutman and David Muir!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

The last few weeks haven’t been great for Danny Pintauro.  It all started on Thanksgiving night when he had a mishap on one of those rental scooters (full disclosure – I use them all the time in LA).  He was in the bike lane (which I rarely am), when it suddenly was blocked with cone pylons.  He swerved only to find himself between a pylon and a van.  As he said, “The pylons hurt!”  While he initially thought he broke an arm, he ended up having an infection in his bloodstream due to a tear in his stomach lining.  An emergency laparotomy and abdominal surgery took place – followed by a long stay in ICU while intubated.  While he is doing better, his medical bills are daunting.  He started a GoFundMe page with a modest goal of $5K – which was reached quickly.  Still, I’m sure anything you could donate would be helpful: GoFundMe.com/dans-health-costs-from-the-scooter-accident.

By the by, you’ll recall that Alyssa Milano planned a reboot of Who’s The Boss? a couple of years back.  It bounced around several networks until it landed at Freevee – which itself is hanging on by a thread.  This may explain why the reboot plans were scuttled.  Throughout discussions, Milano talked about reuniting with Tony Danza and hopes that Judith Light would pop in.  But I don’t recall the word “Pintauro” being uttered – not that udders are his department.  It gave some credence to rumors that the twosome didn’t get along…which I found somewhat amusing, because if anyone loves the gays, it’s Milano!  Anyway, in writing about the LA fires, Danny said the following: “My dear friend Alyssa Milano has been posting some incredibly helpful links to various charities and assistance programs so I’m going to ask you to rely on her wonderful content at this time.”  He may no longer have her phone number, but he’s still following her on social media!

I’m not someone who typically goes to these fan conventions, but even I am tempted by the lineup for MegaCon in Orlando in February.  Sure, my feathers got fluffed with the thought of Dolph Lundgren, Tom Welling, Brandon Routh and Grant Gustin in the same room.  But there are also some special reunions scheduled.  Fans of Happy Days can snag a snap with the gang from Arnold’s – Ron Howard, Henry Winkler, Anson Williams and Donny Most in the same booth.  If you’re a bit younger, you can purchase a pic with stars from The Breakfast Club – Judd Nelson, Molly Ringwald, Ally Sheedy, and Anthony Michael Hall.  Who says you can’t go home again?  Check out FanExpoHQ.com/MegaConOrlando.

Should you be in the Las Vegas area, you might wanna check out the annual GayVN Awards.  Sponsored by Adult Video News, these awards celebrate the best in gay porn, and I should know – I’m a judge.  These shows always need a sassy gay man to hold things together, so they’ve once again enlisted Alec Mapa as host.  The statues will be presented on January 20^th – God knows what will be done with them after that!  The place?  The Virgin Hotels Las Vegas – as apt a spot as any.  You can find tix and information on AVN.com/gayvnawards.

Hours after her Golden Globes win for Hacks, Jean Smart inadvertently stepped in it…as one does.  “With ALL due respect, during Hollywood’s season of celebration, I hope any of the networks televising the upcoming awards will seriously consider NOT televising them and donating the revenue they would have garnered to the victims of the fires and the firefighters.”  You see, Jean, the problem is that revenues come from ad sales.  No telecast, no ads, no revenue.  Many of her peers ganged up on the designing woman saying that no awards shows would put them all out of work.  Her heart was in the right place, but perhaps this idea wasn’t fully baked.

Speaking of the Golden Globes, Nikki Glaser knocked it out of the park – all while having her own Golden Globes proudly propped up front and center.  Days before, most people never heard of her – making this overnight success one of the longest nights in history.  Rumor has it that she earned just over $400K for the gig – roughly half of what they paid Ricky Gervais.  Even our own Jerrod Carmichael (far more of an unknown than Glaser) got half a mil for hosting in 2023.  Sounds like a gender issue to me.  The Nikkster said she didn’t care about the money.  “I honestly would have done it for free.”  Nikki, Nikki, Nikki – never say things like that out loud.

“I don’t want to be in a relationship.  It’s not for me.  It never was…
I’m straight; everybody thinks I’m gay.  But I don’t care what I am. 
Whatever.  It doesn’t matter.  I really put blinders on…
my work, my work, my work.  Any time something gets in the way,
I just kind of block it out.”
– Hit songwriter Diane Warren setting the record straight.  She’ll have
a whole lot to block out going forward because she’s one of the
people who lost her home in the Los Angeles Fires.

For the past 25 years, I’ve called Los Angeles home.  While I’m not there right now, my heart aches for those suffering within spitting distance of my Beverly Hills adjacent abode.  As we learned, spit, a garden hose, or a pump from the pool is no match for dry weather, intense winds, and flying embers.  Still, we must look at the bright side – which for most people is seeing an outpouring of help from professionals and civilians alike.  For me, it’s seeing ridiculously hot men on TV.  A disheveled Matt Gutman was covered in soot, winding his way through flying ash and debris – and looking better than I’ll look on my best day.  ABC then cut to David Muir, overhead in a helicopter knee-to-knee with a hot fireman, and talking via remote to a cumly civilian named Jakob Brown (see him on BillyMasters.com).  Say what you will about Mrs. Muir, it takes a special kinda newsman to incorporate the famous corset scene from Gone with the Wind into coverage of a disaster.  That’s Hollywood!

Lots of folks are stepping up.  People have opened up their homes to those displaced.  Small and large businesses alike are providing goods and services to those in need.  They’re even helping orphaned animals.  Then there’s the Guitar Center.  “Did you lose musical instruments in the L.A. Fires?  Fill out our request form to get your equipment replaced at zero cost.”  It may seem insignificant to people, but it’s a great gesture.  Naturally, there’s a long history of fires and music going hand in hand.  After all, Emperor Nero allegedly fiddled while Rome burned!

Our first Ask Billy question of the year comes from Ray in Seattle.  “What do you know about Denali Foxx?  I just saw some pics he posted online and couldn’t get over his really hot body.  Has he ever done porn?”

I’m always glad to talk about someone I’ve never heard of.  Denali Foxx (aka Denali) was on RuPaul’s Drag Race back in 2021.  Looking online, I see Ray is correct – Denali is quite buff.  Not a big surprise, because many of the most fetching fellas who wear frocks are in incredible shape.  His birth name is Cordero Matthew Zuckerman, and here’s a fun fact – he’s a double gold medalist in US Figure Skating!  He also worked with Cirque du Soleil, Royal Caribbean Cruises, and SeaWorld – but don’t hold that against him.  Last year he got engaged to longtime beau Alexander.  He posted this: “Six years ago you asked me to dance…and six years later I asked you to marry me on your 30^th”.  I don’t believe they’ve tied the knot…yet.  To answer Ray’s other question, I don’t find any evidence that Denali has done gay porn – but I bet he’d be pretty popular, as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

When we’re kicking off the year talking about Blake Lively, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Here’s yet another fun fact – most drag queens out there are tops!  They’ll fuck you with their pumps on (don’t ask me how I know).  More bits of my sage wisdom can be found on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that certainly ain’t botched.  New year, new questions.  Send them along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Lindsay Wagner makes another movie!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Wendy Williams rang out the new year by landing back in the news.  On the positive side, she was celebrating her son Kevin’s college graduation in Miami.  Paparazzi spotted her outside a restaurant on a scooter – yes, a scooter.  She was overheard yelling to someone, “And then both of you walked away leaving my shit in the street?  Just get the car, please – and make sure it’s the right car!”  When asked if everything was OK, she explained that her caretakers called the wrong car.  While they went to find the right car, they left her scooter unattended and she was not having it.  “This cost a fucking mint, and they just left my shit out here.”  At least she sounds feisty.

It’s only the first week of January and we’ve already got a story that we’re filing under Strange But True – and, no, it’s not about Blake Lively!  This is about someone I hold in almost equal esteem – Keanu Reeves.  Sidebar: a few months ago, I told you that he’s reuniting with his Bill and Ted co-star, Alex Winter, for a Broadway revival of Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett.  Didya know that production will be staged by Jamie Lloyd, who directed the hit revival of Sunset Blvd?  And, no, none of this has anything to do with the current story.  Last year, Keanu’s LA home was burgled.  Fast forward to final days of 2024, and police in Santiago, Chile seized loads of stolen property.  And what do they find?  A Rolex inscribed, “Keanu Thank you JW4 2021”.  It was a thank you gift he received at the wrap party of one of those John Wick movies that I’ve never seen.

Before we filed this column, I saw this headline: “Josh Duhamel, Dylan Sprouse & Til Schweiger To Topline Action Thriller The Neglected”.  OMG, have I fallen into a time warp?  Is it 1995 all over again???

Just before 2024 closed, a couple of deaths crept in.  The first was the beloved Linda Lavin, who died on December 29^th.  Her representative stated, Linda passed “unexpectedly due to complications from recently discovered lung cancer”.  Days earlier, she wrapped filming on the seventh episode of Mid-Century Modern – a sitcom for Hulu already being called a gay Golden Girls.  It concerns three gay men who live together in Palm Springs, one of whom (Nathan Lane) is accompanied by his mother (Linda Lavin).  When Linda learned of her diagnosis, we hear she told producers she wanted “everything out there on the show”.  There are already plans to write her character’s passing into the penultimate episode of the first season.  What will happen during season two?  Stay tuned.

Hours before midnight, Jocelyn Wildenstein died on New Year’s Eve.  Affectionately known as The Catwoman, Jocelyn was the face of bad plastic surgery – the epitome of the word “botched”.  She was also a very wealthy lady, receiving a $2.5 billion divorce settlement and alimony of roughly $100 million per year!  Her longtime companion, Lloyd Klein, said she died while taking a nap prior to heading out for the festivities – “just to look good before getting dressed”.  How’d that work out?  By the by, the 84 year-old never admitted to any of her “procedures”.  

Believe me when I say this next story shocks me.  I can’t believe it, but I have to kick off the New Year talking about Blake Lively.  But I was intrigued when I saw there were claims of sexual harassment.  How disappointing to find out that in the marriage of Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds, the one being sexually harassed is…BLAKE!  It’s a world gone loco.  She filed a suit against Justin Baldoni, co-star and director of It Ends With Us (he’s quite a looker, too).  He claims that his countersuit will “shock everyone”.  I don’t know how many shocks I can take – I’m already shocked I’m writing about Blake Lively!  In Baldoni’s $250 million suit against The New York Times, he talks about a meeting with Lively and Reynolds.  Allegedly Ryan “aggressively berated Baldoni during a meeting at their penthouse in New York, accusing him of ‘fat shaming’ Lively.”  Justin says it wasn’t “fat shaming”.  He says he simply asked how much Miss Lively weighed before a scene where he had to pick her up.  Why?  Baldoni has chronic back issues and wanted “to ensure he could safely perform the lift without injury.”  Calm down, Justin.  You’re lifting Blake Lively – not Chrissy Metz (and that’s not fat shaming – that’s just physics).

“If any young people are watching, at a certain point in your
life, you will become the people you used to make fun of. 
And that’s what we’ve become.”
– Anderson Cooper during his New Year’s Eve telecast with Andy Cohen.

I dunno how it took 29 years of columns and scores of Hallmark movies for me to finally recognize the truth in something I’ve said for years – you CAN’T have it all.  People tell you that you can, but let me tell you the first truth of the New Year.  Life is full of hard choices.  If you really want one thing, you must miss out on something else.  If you want to lie on the beach, you cannot be in Antarctica.  Take it from me…and Lacey Chabert.

Let’s make that my New Year’s resolution – to tell you the absolute truth…as often as humanly possible.  So here’s one – for the first time in decades, I did not ring in the New Year with a Lindsay Wagner movie.  That’s because Miss Wagner didn’t make a movie this year.  I ran into this problem last year, when I reached out to the producer of When Jack Came Back – a film that hadn’t yet come out (it can now be seen on Tubi).  I was one of the first people who got to see Lindsay playing a mother with Alzheimer’s.  How many of her dozens of fans around the world can say that?

Speaking of ailing parents, the news is not good from Casa Masters.  It started a few months ago with Big Daddy.  Now Big Mama is laid up.  And you know who picks up the slack…among other things?  Yours truly.  You know what a crimp this puts into my sex life?  “What’s that beeping?  That’s just Mama’s life support, baby.  Does it turn you on?  No, that steady noise doesn’t mean anything!”  It’s been hell!  I certainly don’t begrudge them the care and attention they deserve.  And I certainly don’t wish them ill.  But lately I’m starting to envy Conan O’Brien.

Patti LuPone hosted a swanky New Year’s Eve shindig with a number of queer (and queer-adjacent) guests.  Folk like Randy Rainbow, Cole Escola, and…wait a minute – was that Nicole Scherzinger?  Yes, the former Norma Desmond and the current Norma Desmond joined forces for a spirited rendition of “Auld Lang Syne” – complete with at least two-and-a-half part harmony.  That they didn’t duet on “The Perfect Year” is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity lost forever.  At least they toasted each other with Norma’s last line from act one of Sunset Blvd – which you can see on BillyMasters.com.  BTW, after their duties on CNN, both Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen slipped into the soirée – at least I think it was a soirée they slipped into.

By the by, Patti is everywhere.  After enjoying a scenery-chewing role on Agatha All Along, we hear La LuPone will be featured on several episodes of And Just Like That… – whenever that long-awaited third season drops.

When Jenifer Lewis plummeted from her Tanzania balcony into the Serengeti, it was touch and go – and I’m not just talking about the cape buffalo that threatened to compromise her!  Her life-threatening injuries led to a miraculous comeback, punctuated with an appearance on The Masked Singer as CleoCatra.  After singing in Spellbound, she went to Disney World to open Tiana’s Bayou Adventure – based on The Princess and the Frog.  When the VIP premiere of the ride came to a screeching halt, did she panic?  Nope.  She launched into an a capella version of her song from the flick, “Dig a Little Deeper”, which you can see on BillyMasters.com.

I was delighted to hear the news that my pals Sherri Shepherd and Fran Drescher will be getting stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 2025.  Sometimes good things happen to good people.

The death of reclusive Richard Simmons shocked me – especially since Pauly Shore planned to star in a biopic.  Perhaps Simmons’ last words were “over my dead body”!  Gay baseball star Billy Bean, Madonna’s brother Christopher Ciccone, Mitzi Gaynor, Teri Garr, Gavin Creel and Ken Paige were a few others that will be missed.

What’s a year without Fayewatch?  Miss Dunaway was back – the hit of all of Europe and Cannes – with Faye, a documentary about…well, her!  Lots of acclaim, a few awards, and then…nothing.  Well, not exactly nothing.  She got a small role in the film Fate starring Andrew McCarthy and Harvey Keitel.  So, it’s nothing-adjacent!

When Justin’s getting off with a slap on the wrist, it’s time to end another year of columns.  I never thought Justin and I would have something in common – although the slaps that get me off are elsewhere on my anatomy.  This is only a smattering of what you’ll find on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that has delivered day in and day out for close to 30 years.  If you have a question, dash it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before freedom of speech is abolished.  So, until next year, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Another Drake also made news when the singer was seen pleasuring himself on the bed in his private jet!

Proving anyone can have a comeback, Nick Gruber was back in the news by turning up ON the (local) news!  Calvin Klein’s ex resurfaced, demanding his former landlords return his property, purloined prior to a period in the pokey.  Alas, they claim to have donated his discarded wares to the Mormon Church.  The good news?  He’s single.

Shake-ups on shows – particularly reality shows – are common.  But will we ever find out if Bobby Berk quit or was fired from Queer Eye?  And will the hiring of the lovely Jeremiah Brent be embraced?  Don’t touch that dial.

Jonathan Groff made tongues wag with the first same-sex kiss for Doctor Who.  Groff topped that with a Tony win for Merrily We Roll Along.  Next year, he returns to Broadway in a new musical about Bobby Darin.

Turning to the little show that could, Cole Escola’s Oh, Mary! (punctuated like Hello, Dolly!) went from an off-Broadway cult sensation to the hottest ticket on Broadway.  I predicted the transfer wouldn’t work – and I was wrong.  I also predicted that replacing Cole with Betty Gilpin would kill the show.  Well, I’ve been wrong before.

Shawn Mendes took to the stage at Red Rocks to perform a new song, “The Mountain”, and discuss his oft-rumored-about sexuality.  “The real truth about my life and sexuality is that, man, I’m just figuring it out like everyone else.  I don’t really know sometimes, and I know other times…I’m trying to be really brave and allow myself to be a human and feel things.  And that’s all I really want to say about that for now.”  To be continued…

Schadenfreude is taking pleasure at someone’s misfortune.  I may not speak German, but I knew I had loads of material when Justin Timberlake was arrested on suspicion of DUI early on a June morning.  Then we saw his mug shot.  Damn, he even looked good in that!  That he got off with a slap on the wrist was no surprise.  Still, I was more than a bit tickled when I learned that the arresting officer had no clue who he was!

Speaking of hot guys, the Paris Olympics provided scads of scantily clad studs.  Naturellement, the French stole the show.  Synchro divers Jules Bouyer and Alexis Jandard posted the most provocative photos from the shower with the caption “Welcome to @Paris2024”.  They were bested by France’s premier vaulter Anthony Ammirati, whose ponderous package pushed his pole too close to the crossbar.  He walked away with a $250K offer to do porn.

Gay porn stud Austin Wolf made headlines when the feds raided his house and arrested him for sending and receiving child porn images and videos.  His preliminary hearing keeps getting delayed.  When setting the fifth date of December 27^th, Judge Barbara Moses said the extension “best serves the ends of justice and outweighs the best interest of the public and the defendant in a speedy trial.”  His judge is a woman?  He’s fucked.  It will come as no surprise that on December 27th, the Government requested yet a further continuance of 30 days.  The defendant agreed.  The judge agreed.  The latest new trial date (the sixth) is January 27, 2025.