Ogling Olympians

Alas, I have not been able to muster up much enthusiasm for the Summer Olympic Games.  And I blame McDonald’s.  Way back during the 1984 Los Angeles Games, McDonald’s had Olympic Game Cards.  With every purchase, you’d get a card which would list an event – often something like the Hammer Throw, which only excites the Nords.  If the USA won the Gold Medal for the event on your card, you could redeem it for a free Big Mac.  If we won the Silver, you got a large order of fries.  And if we won the Bronze, you got a medium soda.  And if we swept all of the medals, you got a full meal!  Oh, how I long for the 1984 Olympics – and my 28-inch waistline.

Before the Tokyo Olympics even began, there was already controversy…and a new star.  The controversy came from reports that the beds in the Olympic Village were made of recycled materials and were “anti-sex”.  The star came in the form of Irish gymnast Rhys McClenaghan, who decided to test the beds by jumping up and down on one.  He proved that they are mighty sturdy, and made me wanna risk being thrown out of the Olympic Village…again.  I mean, that ban must have been lifted by now.  It’s been a long time since Lillehammer.

The Opening Ceremonies in an empty stadium reminded me of the sound of one hand clapping.  If a Tongan flag bearer is shirtless and oiled up and nobody is there to ogle him, does it even matter?  It probably mattered to Mike Pence, who I’m sure was watching and enjoyed seeing the slightly expanded Pita Taufatofua once again.  Hopefully Mother was around to reap the benefits.

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