Elton John can buy anything – and probably anybody.  So what do you get him for his birthday?  This was the quandary Ed Sheeran had, until inspiration struck.  Sir Elton revealed, “For my birthday this year, he gave me a giant marble penis.  I don’t know if that’s because I’ve always been a prick or what, it’s really big, it’s beautifully made.”  But the question remains – is this his first giant marble penis?  And where is he displaying it?  The loo?  Inquiring minds…

Our Ask Billy question comes from Tom in Palm Springs: “Today there was a picture of NPH [Neil Patrick Harris] that showed him on vacation in Croatia wearing only swim trunks.  I noted a prominently discernable penile shaft and head.  Check it out.”

First off, Neil captioned the photo as, “165 pounds soaking wet” – so I hate him for that.  As for his penis, yes, I see what appears to be an inch or so of shaft and the outline of a head.  As a point of reference, note his hand is also in the shot, and his thumb is larger.  Of course, we saw all of Neil in Gone Girl – but, as I always say, never judge a penis flaccid (adding water doesn’t help).  Should you be interested, you can see it on BillyMasters.com.

When Elton’s marble penis weighs more than Neil Patrick Harris soaking wet, it’s time to end yet another column.  Speaking of being all wet, Ryan Phillippe posted some photos from a New Mexico pond with his son Deacon – often referred to as his “look-alike son”.  And he really is.  So if you want to see a wet, shirtless Ryan then and now, head on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that is multigenerational.  If you have questions of a less familial nature, send them along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Sir Elton holds his next birthday party at Naked Boys Singing: Las Vegas!.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.