Let’s move onto that old woman.  Not Nancy Pelosi.  Not Elizabeth Warren.  I’m talking about Madonna – who, admittedly, looks good for her age…if you have the right filters and sit in the nosebleeds.  Otherwise, you know, she’s a 65-year-old pop star…but good for her.  The reviews from her long-awaited tour are generally good, and the audience is receptive – once the show actually starts.  But woe be unto you should you attend one of the many shows that start late.  At some UK venues, people missed the last few songs: “Rain”, “Celebration”, “Music”, “Bitch, I’m Madonna”, among others.  Why?  Officially, the technical pre-show check ran late and the venues have very strict ending times – whether the show is over or not.  Except people spied Madonna showing up at some venues long after the start time.  Her devoted fans are not surprised.  The Rebel Heart Tour routinely started almost two hours late, while the Madame X Tour was usually only 90 minutes late.  But give Madonna a break – it’s hard to find the stage wearing an eye patch!  Maybe now she’s just busy tuning her guitar!

Like many of you, I watched the opening night on TikTok.  I was particularly moved by her rendition of “Like a Virgin”.  But when she sang, “Touched for the very first time,” I wondered if she could remember that far back.  Perhaps she’s given up Kabbalah and has taken up Past Life Regression!  Personally, I didn’t mind seeing her kids.  But when did Madonna stop being the queen of reinvention and start copying others?  She’s no longer a trailblazer, pushing the limits – she’s a copycat, pushing a walker!  If you can’t lead, at least find a way to keep up.

I wholly identified with her story about the early poor days in NYC.  She’d go home with cute boys if it meant she could clean up.  “Blowjobs for showers,” is how Madge described it.  In my time (which, as we’ve established, was only slightly after Madonna’s time), the boys didn’t have to be so cute.  But I was known to pretend to fall asleep so I could get to spend the night in a bed.  Eh, I’ve never been so picky about where I slept.