New Year, Old News

“Call me anytime.” 
Chris Christie, when he gave Joy Behar his phone number backstage at The View
I know politics makes strange bedfellows, but this is ridiculous.

We’re a week into the New Year and many of you have asked if I have any resolutions.  Longtime readers know I’m not really into resolutions.  I resolve every day to live my life to the fullest.  However, maybe my life has been a bit too full.  Yes, I’m thinking my resolution should be to have less sex.  Much less sex.  Nothing against sex, which I enjoy…and am very good at.  But sometimes you do it because.  Like, I don’t think Venus and Serena play tennis with just anyone holding their racket…so to speak.  Perhaps moving forward, I’ll be a bit more selective.


As 2023 drew to a close, I found myself in a courtroom.  Yes, I got jury duty.  I know this will sound amazing, but the entire experience was quite positive.  It might have been the lack of traffic during my seven-minute drive to the courthouse.  It might have been because the court provided free parking.  Or it might have been that I picked up two Bacon Maple Chicken Sandwiches at Wendy’s on the way!  When I arrived, I found out I was the fifteen-hundredth person seen as a potential juror for a high-profile case!  As the judge laid out the details, I found myself glancing past the five-person dream team at the defense table and making eye contact with the accused.  Neither of us broke our gaze.  At first I mused if defendants get conjugal visits with jurors (this was before my resolution, obviously).  As it turned out, I didn’t get on this jury.  But I was willing to do public service!


Didya know Tiffany Haddish was arrested by the BHPD over the holidays?  The day after Thanksgiving, officers found her sleeping in her car with the engine running.  She first commented on the DUI at the Los Angeles Laugh Factory during a stand-up benefit for people in need.  “You ain’t lived till you got arrested in Beverly Hills, OK?  It’s beautiful over there.  I’ve been in quite a few jails – just like the rest of y’all – I can tell some of y’all have been to jail.  I still smell jail.  If you’re gonna do something, I say get arrested over there ‘cause that jail is nice.  That jail was nice – it’s so clean!”  She even joked that she got her period in the slammer.  “I’m bleeding in the jail.  OK, cool, but they had the best maxi pads.  I’ve never seen pads so big.”  She said it was so big, she used it as a pillow.

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