Days ago, Johnathon Schaech announced that he had been sexually molested by director Franco Zeffirelli while making the 1993 film, Sparrow.  First, who saw Sparrow?  Hands?  OK, moving on.  What had Johnathon Schaech done before Sparrow?  Anything?  So, an unknown model (and a stunning one at that) is cast by a director widely known for sleeping with virtually every hot guy he encounters.  After lots of innuendos and propositioning, Schaech claims that one night, Zeffirelli was very drunk and got the key to his (Schaech’s) hotel room.  Franco quietly entered the room and climbed on top of Schaech, all the while reeking of Scotch.  I’m just curious – how many drunken 70-year-old Italians do you know who could move with cat-like precision and adroitly mount a sleeping, strapping 24-year-old?  Schaech says, “[Franco] put his hands in places that I couldn’t even imagine and he did things that I am not proud of.  But it’s not my fault.  His pants never came off but I can see him fumbling with his belt.  He attempted to give me oral sex.  I just remember being like, ‘God, please no.  I’m OK, I’m OK.’  I did nothing.  I just lay there in bed.  It felt like four hours but it was probably like 30 seconds.”  It is beyond the confines of this column to dissect this moment by moment, except to mention that’s a lot of activity for 30 seconds!  Zeffirelli’s (adopted) son states that this lurid tale is news to him.  He says Schaech has regularly been in touch with the family, often texting inquiring about the 94-year-old director’s health.