Our Ask Billy question is about something you’d expect me to know nothing about.  Henry in Chicago writes, “What do you know about the gorgeous captain of the Norwegian soccer team?”

Picture it – Billy Masters sitting down to watch not one but two soccer games in their entirety.  That was how I returned from Europe.  More shocking – I enjoyed myself.  And not because of the hot men (shock number three), but because I enjoyed the game.  Where else can you watch 90 minutes of continuous action and end with a score of zero to zero?  Talk about a nail biter!  Of course, the Norwegians scored points during the FIFA quarterfinals thanks to Erling Haaland.  The blond god is 6’5” and turns 26 on July 21.  While Henry didn’t ask, Erling is reportedly straight and has a girlfriend.  He also has an enormous collection of Hermès bags, including Birkins.  Maybe it’s a Nordic thing – like the horns or the man bun!  Sexual preference aside, I suspect Haaland would be quite flattered by your attention, so why not flatter him some more with some hot photos on BillyMasters.com.

When we’re revealing a Viking’s hammer, it’s time to end yet another column.  Looking at those photos, I’m inclined to hammer in the morning and the evening all over this land.  Fun Fact – who knew Vikings were circumcised?  That’s just one of the things you’ll discover on BillyMasters.com – the site that can be seen…even during a total eclipse.  As we went to press, news of the passing of Senator Lindsey Graham was announced – I believe by his close business associate, Benji.  See?  Unlike other defunct outlets, we cover everything.  So send your questions along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Atlantis schedules a Scandinavian excursion!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.