You may deny it, but I know you’re watching The Bachelorette.  And after the men told all this week, here’s my two cents – this is the gayest group of men I’ve ever seen on network TV.  Criticizing outfits?  And socks?  To say nothing of golden undies being bandied about with pride!  Well, if the bad dye-job isn’t embarrassing, why not go whole-hog.  However, the peak for me was watching Colton (the virgin) cry.  It turns out, when people call him a pussy because he’s never been in one, he believes it!  I couldn’t make this up if I tried.   There he was, sobbing like a…well, don’t make me say it.  While many predict he could be the next Bachelor, don’t bet on it.  You cannot have a virgin as The Bachelor.  Especially not one weeping uncontrollably, regardless of how hot he is (and he is).  I suppose I could get behind Joe the Grocer…were it not for that dead tooth.

Last week, a 23-year-old male model came out as gay.  No, not someone on The Bachelorette.  This is Derek Chadwick, who is described as an “influencer” – which begs the question, how much influence does someone no one ever heard of have?  Eh, he’s happy, I’m happy.  And he’s hot enough to post photos of on BillyMasters.com.

Speaking of male models, four are coming out claiming they were sexually assaulted by photographer Rick Day.  And, because you know how I like to tie things together, two of those models say that when they were assaulted, they were virgins!  The first, Barrett Pall, claims that Day “robbed him” of his virginity by – again, I couldn’t make this up – masturbating him and urging him to ejaculate on his face!  Now, look, I don’t want to minimize that this may have been a traumatic experience.  But what exactly did it rob him of?  Of being jerked off and ejaculating on the face of someone he truly loved?  Perhaps I’m jaded, but it all feels a lot less special after the first bushel and a peck.  The second model, Kai Braden, says Day pinned him against the wall and asked if he had ever had sex with another guy.  Kai said he never had sex period, so Day backed off.  Twins Michael and Zach Zakar say they were sexually assaulted separately – which, judging from their online videos, is pretty hard to do.  Michael says Day tried to push his head down as the photographer pulled out his penis.  According to Zach, Day said, “I’m going to shoot you, then you’re going to make me shoot.”  I smell a pattern – or is that the twins?

Let me add a quick codicil – after writing the above, I started watching videos of Barrett Pall on his YouTube channel – because, of course, everyone has a YouTube channel.  I must say, he comes off incredibly sincere and loving and honest and…yeah, OK, he’s beyond hot.  So, while I’m not changing my message, I would urge you to check out his videos at with everyone a bit, I still urge you to check out his videos at YouTube.com/BarrettPall.

Brace yourself for another installment of Fayewatch.  You’d think after back-to-back Oscar stints, Miss Dunaway would be…well, done away with.  But she’s surfaced in a new Gucci campaign that perplexed one of my readers.  “Is this an actual ad or an SNL skit?”  Here’s how Faye describes it: “The character is a busy, successful Hollywood mother who has a special relationship with her daughter, played by the lovely SoKo.”  If a “special relationship” means treating her daughter as an employee, then she’s right on the money.  It kicks off with the two of them sitting in a limo while Faye autographs some photos – a la Mommie Dearest.  She is then waited on by a coterie of staff at Gucci, while the girl is ignored.  Then the duo walk through a park with the girl making sure Faye doesn’t fall.  Back home, Faye puts her Gucci Sylvie handbag on the table as the girl looks on enviously.  They sit by the pool with Dunaway in an enormous hat.  Then while wearing a baseball cap, Faye attempts to hit a tennis ball over the net!  Next, the girl is playing the piano as Faye pretends to care.  Finally, Faye gives the girl a purse – while wearing a turban!  Then the two hug gingerly.  I particularly enjoyed watching Faye in a variety of hats and turbans which seem to have the hair attached.  The way she shuffles along makes her appear to be a shrunken oldster reminiscent of Grandma Yetta on The Nanny.  You can see this masterpiece on BillyMasters.com.

Meanwhile over at Hello, Dolly!, Bette is knocking ‘em dead, bringing in big bucks, and breaking records.  Last week, Hillary Clinton caught the show.  I imagine she particularly enjoyed “It Takes a Woman”.  I’m sure if Melania went, she’d like “So Long Dearie” – assuming someone translated it into Slovak.  BTW, rumor has it that Bette is going to take Dolly to London’s West End.

Speaking of Hillary, she’s just filmed an episode of Madam Secretary.  She will join other former Secretaries of State Madeleine Albright and Colin Powell on the fifth season premiere, which will air on October 7^th.

I had to cut my Go-Go’s festivities short in order to dash to the midnight performance of The Boys in the Band, which was a benefit for The Actors Fund.  Since everyone involved donated their time, they raised quite a pretty penny.  The capacity crowd was probably the best audience the cast ever had.  There’s something subversive about seeing The Boys in the Band at a midnight show with an audience primarily made up of gay theatre folk.  There was a feeling of camaraderie, warmth, solidarity – and that was even before the divine Charles Busch took the stage to thank us for what we were doing just by buying tickets and showing up (you’re welcome).

It is entirely possible one will never assemble as evenly talented a cast for this show ever again.  There was no weak link. Those of you who follow my column, please take note of the statement I am about to make – it was almost impossible to take one’s eyes off of Andrew Rannells.  I found him positively riveting.  Perhaps a tad too aggressive at times, but you know – BOLD choices.  Throughout the performance, I wondered how it would be if Andrew and Matt Bomer switched roles.  If you sit on the left side of the balcony (or in the box), you get the best view of Bomer’s underwear and shower sequence.  And at the end, you get a great view of Rannells and Tuc Watkins coupling – which was definitely worth the price of admission.  Perhaps a brief bit of Bomer’s briefs was captured for posterity, if not posterior.  I suppose the only way to know for sure is to check out BillyMasters.com.

Last week, I went to the opening of Head Over Heels on Broadway.  This show features the music of The Go-Go’s and the story of Sir Philip Sidney’s Arcadia.  Sir Philip was a contemporary of Shakespeare, and Arcadia is a royal romp regarding romantic relations, mistaken identities, gender disguises, and sheep.  All I kept thinking was, “Why not just use As You Like It?”  Alas and alack, no one asked me.  If you think squishing the darlings of the ‘80s into a pastoral period piece from the 16^th century was easy, forget it.  Many songs fit effortlessly.  Some required a shoe horn…and possibly a speculum.  A bit more finessing of the script could have helped.  As is, it feels like a work in progress.  I say amp up the carnival atmosphere, be even more outrageous, and go full-tilt camp.  If we can accept mermaids singing backup on the Island of Lesbos during “Vacation”, why not have them waterskiing?  Use the visual we already associate with the song.  Things like that could help to balance the strong message of acceptance, equality, and choice.  But even in its imperfect state, the show is still oodles of fun and features fabulous songs.

As for the cast, Rachel York delivers classical dialogue with authority and vocal range.  Kudos to the delicious Andrew Durand as both a leading man and lady.  I couldn’t help but wonder if ye olde undergarment shoppe sold Lycra boxer briefs.  Since he looks so good in them, I’m not complaining.  You may remember Jeremy Kushnier leading the Broadway cast of Footloose 20 years ago.  Now he’s the bearded father figure – and still mighty dashing.  And, of course, Peppermint not only made history as the first transgender person in a leading role on Broadway, she also got to intone something I’m sure Sir Philip never wrote: “Thou better workest”!

The eclectic show brought out an eclectic group of celebs.  Kathy Valentine, Charlotte Caffey and Jane Wiedlin from The Go-Go’s didn’t disappoint.  Gina Schock is still recovering from surgery, and Belinda Carlisle was headlining an oldies concert at the Orange County Fair.  Happily, her son (and West Hollywood City Council candidate) James Duke Mason flew out for the event – and he snagged a photo with Anna Wintour…smiling!  Let me say this about Anna – she may be a hundred years old and held together by spit and Boniva, but she looks positive radiant and, believe it or not, youthful!  The drag and transgender community came out in droves to support their own – including Alex Newell and Laverne Cox.  I had a lovely chat with Sunny Hostin from The View and Gloria Steinem from…well, the ‘60s!

Apropos of man milk, our Ask Billy question comes from Drew in Chicago: “I hear there’s a nude video of Beau Mirchoff making the rounds.  Have you seen it?  Is it hot?”

For those of you who don’t know, Beau Mirchoff was briefly on Desperate Housewives, but is better known for his stint on MTV’s Awkward.  The video in question appears to be a compilation of various masturbation clips likely shared with an unknown paramour.  So, in short, yes we’ve seen them – and they’re on BillyMasters.com.

Guy Pearce has opened up about working with Kevin Spacey on LA Confidential.  During a television interview, he characterized Spacey as “Tough one to talk about at the moment.  Amazing actor – incredible actor.  Hmm, slightly difficult time with Kevin.  He’s a handsy guy.  Yeah, thankfully I was 29 and not 14.”  Once the quote went viral, Pearce “wished to clarify his comments regarding Spacey and that while he was not sexually assaulted, he was made to feel uncomfortable.”  Go on…

This reminded me of the difficulty studios had finding actors to be in Brokeback Mountain.  When Gus Van Sant was going to direct, he was turned down left and right – even though he had done “My Own Private Idaho”.  “I asked the usual suspects: Leonardo DiCaprio, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Ryan Phillippe.  They all said no.”  Producer and screenwriter Diana Ossana didn’t fare much better.  She reached out to Matt Damon and Mark Wahlberg.  “They didn’t give us any real excuse why they wouldn’t.  I guess they saw it as too difficult.”

To show how far we’ve come, the limited Broadway run of The Boys in the Band with a completely queer cast has already recouped its $3.5 million investment.  If you plan to see it, get there before it closes on August 11^th.  This is one show that cannot extend – most of the cast has other jobs to go to.  FYI, I will be at The Actors Fund benefit performance at midnight on Thursday, July 27^th.  I’ll be the one waving from the box seat, audience left.

Just when you thought it was safe to watch The View, next season will bring yet another retooling of the panel.  Paula Faris announced she was leaving both her part-time gig at The View and hosting Good Morning America Weekend to…wait for it…do faith-based podcasts for ABC!  The breakout star of the current panel has been Sara Haines.  She’s so good, ABC is pulling her from The View to co-host the third hour of Good Morning America with that lisping Michael Strahan.  The combustible relationship between Sunny Hostin and Meghan McCain smoothed over when the gals found a common denominator – drinking.  They are suddenly much more chummy and likely staying put.  Needless to say, Whoopi and Joy ain’t going anywhere.

Harry Styles helped a fan come out to her mother.  The fan, Grace, made a sign to hold up at Harry’s concert, which said, “I’m Gonna COME OUT To My Parents because of YOU!!!”  Harry spotted the sign, stopped the show, and spoke directly to Grace.  He asked where her parents were.  Grace said her mom (Tina) was back at the hotel, Styles said congratulations, and then the whole audience chanted “Tina, she’s gay!”  Grace showed her mom the sign and the video of Harry and the audience.  Mom’s response?  “Yes, I do love you and you can be whoever you want to be.”  Now Grace is bringing Tina to see Harry in Los Angeles.  So, the ball’s in your court, Harry.

Not to be outdone, a gay couple got engaged at a Taylor Swift concert – well, anything to avoid listening to that twit!  I’ll let one of the boys explain what happened.  “He asked me to marry him while Taylor Swift was singing our song in front of us and I said ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY.”  Samy (the proposer) knelt in front of Ric (the proposee) – I suspect guys get on their knees all the time at Taylor Swift concerts.  And just like that, Samy popped the question.  In this case, the singer played no part in the proposal – she was just background noise.

Speaking of theatrical benefits, The Boys in the Band has added a special show as a benefit for The Actors Fund on July 26^th at midnight.  Since it’s a late-night performance, perhaps someone getting out of the shower on stage will take a few extra minutes putting on his undies.  Grab your tickets at ActorsFund.org.  Tell ‘em Billy sent you!

I’m already scheduled to be in NYC that night because that’s when Head Over Heels opens on Broadway.  The long-gestating show featuring the music of The Go-Go’s will surely be a momentous occasion – not the least of which because it will feature (watch how skillfully I tie this whole column together) the first openly trans person to star in a Broadway musical!  Not only that, Scarlett, but Peppermint is playing a trans role – the oracle Pythio, who is described as “neither he nor she”.  When it comes to replacement casting, the possibilities are endless.

During my Fourth of July sojourn in Provincetown, I saw several shows.  This time, I’ll start with the Ptown Art House and three shows running all season.  I don’t know the last time I enjoyed a show as much as Varla Jean Merman’s Under A Big Top.  I laughed so hard, I was exhausted by the end!  The clever lyrics (worthy of Sondheim), the psychotic bits (including a mind reader), the swing, the costumes, even the unscripted tumble from the stage – it was all perfection.  This may be my favorite Varla show ever – which is good since it is her 20^th anniversary in show biz.  Don’t miss it.

I was then lucky enough to see Steve Grand’s opening…well, his opening night in Provincetown.  We all know he’s gorgeous and has a great voice.  What impressed me most was how he’s grown as a performer.  Listen, kids, it’s not easy to stand in front of a hundred queens and keep them entertained for an hour – especially fully dressed!  If I had any criticism, it’s that my focus was drawn to his erect right nipple.  But, I chalked it up to the fact that I was sitting up front.  You’re welcome.  By the by, his new CD just came out and you can grab it at SteveGrand.com

Then I saw Well-Strung’s new show, A Night at the Movies.  From the slick opening credits (a la Hitchcock), to the first song (“Science Fiction – Double Feature” from Rocky Horror), to the men playing various instruments, I knew this was not gonna be your usual Well-Strung show.  First off, everything tied into movies – and what doors that opened up.  We got an evocative John Williams medley (with accompanying film clips), a beatific “Moon River”, and even some Titanic – which included leaning!  The boys conceived and directed the show, and I think grasping control of their professional destiny has brought them to the next level.  It was bold, creative, and slick.  If you think you’ve seen Well-Strung, you ain’t seen nothing yet.  Get tix for all these acts at PtownArtHouse.com.

Meanwhile at the Crown & Anchor, I managed to take in Star Boys – well, not so much take them in as peruse the goods.  When they called the show a burlesque, they weren’t kidding.  Yes, it’s a high-concept evening centered on outer space.  But these “boys” spend the majority of their time outta their clothes!  Not only are they handsome, but they have lots to show – if you catch my drift.  Aside from their hot bodies and their bouncy bits, they’re also incredibly limber.  Two of them are acrobats and aerial artists.  Here’s what I learned – one doesn’t need to look up to watch an aerial act.  The silks and rings were roughly a foot off the ground – the worst that could have happened was a chipped nail.  But that didn’t take away from the incredible body control, the sensual routines, or the jubilant audience who cheered every gyration and every inch…oh, did I mention they’re naked?  And they don’t disappoint.

I know I previously mentioned that The Skivvies would be at the Crown on August 6 and 7.  But now we know that their special guest will be Randy Harrison, formerly the twink on Queer as Folk (US).  And Ptown will have him in his underwear?  Talk about a must-see!  Get tix to all the Crown & Anchor shows at OnlyAtTheCrown.com.

Meanwhile at the Provincetown Theater, the new artistic director David Drake has programmed Love! Valour! Compassion! by Terrence McNally (which will also star Mr. Drake and his fabled phallus dangling betwixt his legs).  Not only that, but Mr. McNally is flying out to be honored on July 20^th with the first-ever Provincetown American Playwright Award.  The ever-quotable McNally quipped, “I am honored beyond all measure to be the recipient of the first PAPA award.  Since I turn 80 in November, maybe you want to make it the GRANPAPA award.”  That Terry is such a scamp!  L!V!C! runs through August 30^th.  Get your tix at ProvincetownTheater.org.

Someone else aggravated is Dame Diana Rigg.  She is in the Broadway revival of My Fair Lady, playing Henry Higgins’ mother.  Lauren Ambrose has decided that due to the burden of carrying a show, she will take off Sunday matinees.  Well, Dame Diana is not amused.  “I learnt, courtesy of a newspaper, that our leading lady will not be appearing in future Sunday matinees.  Now call me old-fashioned, which I unashamedly am, but I don’t think this development is fair to audiences.  They have booked their seats in advance, paying an exorbitant price for them to see what they have been led to believe is the original cast.  The very least we can do as actors is to acknowledge their presence as a privilege and take care never to abuse it.  It is time management put their audiences first and insist on the old adage, slightly adapted by me, ‘The show must go on – with ALL principals.’”  Hear, hear!

Our next story concerns a blanket, a vagina, a gay dwarf, and an ice cream scooper.  Sounds like the start of a joke, but it’s no laughing matter to Big Brother.  JC Mounduix – the first contestant of diminutive stature to be cast on the show – ran around brandishing an ice cream scooper and sexually harassing houseguests.  He first went up to Kaycee with the scooper and said, “Open up your vagina” – words which I’m sure made Mrs. Moonves’ blood turn cold.  After being rebuffed, he turned his attention to Kaitlyn and reached under her blanket with the scooper (yes, we have the footage).  He later cupped Tyler’s genitals.  Why the hell aren’t I watching this show?

Then two of the female houseguests (Angela and Rachel) were accused of using racially offensive language when they said “ghetto” in reference to their skin color.  Rachel also compared her tan to the color of African-American housemate Bayleigh’s skin.  Apparently that was too much for CBS.  “Big Brother is a reality show about watching a group of people who have no privacy 24/7 – and capturing every unfiltered moment and conversation of their lives.  At times, the houseguests reveal prejudices and exhibit behavior that we do not condone.  The producers have addressed two such incidents that were seen recently on the 24/7 online feed.  In both cases, those involved have been warned about their inappropriate behavior and offensive comments, as well as future consequences.  These events will not be part of any future Big Brother broadcast on CBS.”  Nonetheless, the day after the “zero tolerance” statement, Kaitlyn used the n-word while quoting a Drake song – as one does when locked up on national television!  As of this writing, all houseguests and ice cream scoopers remain in the house.

Less reputable sources insist that Barbara Walters is planning her own funeral.  Not so.  My people tell me that Miss Walters is not coherent enough to plan what she’s having for dinner, let alone an affair as momentous as her funeral!  Sources close to the legend say that she planned her funeral eons ago.  Not only that, but prior to vacating her office at ABC, she also produced and edited the tribute to her which will air on the network after her demise.  If she didn’t film the opening, please, God, someone hire Cheri Oteri.

I am completely and utterly embarrassed that I missed this – but, apparently, Joan Collins’ son wrote a book.  Amongst the dishy details revealed in Sacha Collins’ Unaccompanied Minor, he makes quite an accusation against his father, Anthony Newley.  “He was a pedophile.  My father was drawn to youthfulness.  He thought innocence was an aphrodisiac.  That was his sexual proclivity, and it’s a very dangerous, destructive thing.”  Well, Miss Collins is having none of it.  She went on a UK morning show and said, “I think that Sacha’s being extremely naïve and not really knowing the meaning of that word.  Because what Tony admittedly was is he loved young women – and young women of 17, 18, 19 years old.  Not children by any means.”  You say potato…

Scarlett Johansson is being attacked after being cast in a transgender role.  Rub & Tug is based on the life of Jean Marie Gill – who was born female but lived life as a man and ran massage parlors and a prostitution ring.  Politically correct people claim that Johansson is taking the role away from a transgender actor…because there are so many gifted trans actors at Scarlett’s level of fame.  Johansson’s reps said, “Tell them they can be directed to Jeffrey Tambor, Jared Leto, and Felicity Huffman’s reps for comment.”  It should be noted that both Jean Marie Gill and Scarlett Johansson were born with vaginas, so I think that gives ScarJo at least a foot in the door (if not a vaj).  This is not the first time her casting has been called into question.  Last year, she played a character that was based on an anime of a Japanese woman.  Not coincidentally, both projects are directed by Rupert Sanders.

When films about LGBT topics started being produced, we applauded celebrated actors taking on the roles and helping to tell our stories.  By having a name attached to a project, it ensured the film could be made – such as Tom Hanks in Philadelphia, Vanessa Redgrave in The Renee Richards Story, etc.  Then the tide turned and people complained that these non-LGBT actors were taking roles away from LGBT actors.  However, people also say that gay actors should be able to play any role.  But when a gay actor plays a straight character, aren’t they taking a role away from a straight actor?  I believe the best actor should get the role – period.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Mark in Miami: “First, we REALLY miss having you in print in Florida!  Could you work on that?  Second, have you seen that alleged dick video of Chris Hemsworth?  Is it real?”

First, thank you – write to Hot Spots.  We parted on the best of terms, but the person who briefly was calling the shots wanted to shake things up – and then he resigned.  Coincidence?  Who can say.  But I would love to be back.  I’d also love if that video is really Chris Hemsworth.  Alas, my brain tells me it isn’t him.  I just don’t know why he would film this slow reveal of an erect penis.  But it’s such a hot video, I’ll post it on BillyMasters.com and you can decide for yourself.

The aforementioned Stephanie J. Block and Emily Skinner play important roles in our next story.  The Cher Show just opened at the Oriental Theatre in Chicago and essays the career of Cher through use of her songs.  Because Cher invented reinvention, three actresses play the diva.  The final incarnation is played to the hilt by Block, while Skinner plays Cher’s mom – and her performance was the one thing Cher liked most about the show when she went to see the musical.  What did she think of the rest of the show?  “Some parts of it are really fabulous.  We’re going to work on the other parts.  In many parts, it was much, much better than I thought it would be.  And there were no parts where I wanted to gouge my eyes out.  It needs work.  I’m not supposed to say that but I don’t care.”  And that, in short, is why we love Cher.  Hopefully everything is ironed out by the Broadway opening on December 3^rd.

While all that merriment is happening on the West Coast, your beloved Billy has touched down in Boston and is heading down to Provincetown for July 4^th.  People always ask me what shows they should see each summer in Ptown, so here are my picks.  My favorite venues are The Ptown Art House and The Crown & Anchor.  After an impartial coin toss, I’ll be starting with what’s coming up at The Crown.  Plus, how can you go wrong with any season that includes Lucie Arnaz Jr.?  Little Lu comes to The Crown on July 23^rd.  Telly Leung appears on August 5^th.  Internet sensation Randy Rainbow was supposed to play August 6^th and 7^th.  But then Leslie Jordan cancelled the following weekend due to work, so Randy took those dates, too – August 13^th and 14^th.  Bruce Vilanch blows into town (and I mean that literally) on August 17^th and 18^th.  Anthony Rapp will be there August 25^th, and Linda Eder will perform on August 27^th and 28^th.  Of course, there are people who perform all season long.  I’m always happy to see Thirsty Burlington (because, we go WAY back), and her Cher Show is a must-see.  I’m curious to check out Star Boys.  Any show described as “a sci-fi burlesque show” is right up my…well, it’s up my something.  You can get tickets and more information about all of these events at OnlyAtTheCrown.com.

Now we turn to The Ptown Art House – which, alas, will be no more after this season.  The usual suspects return for the full summer – Judy Gold, Varla Jean Merman, Well-Strung, Steve Grand, and more drag queens than you can shake a shtick at.  Some of the special guests (performing with and without Seth Rudetsky) include Judy Kuhn on July 15^th and 16^th, Adam Pascal on July 17^th, Christine Ebersole on July 19^th and 20^th, Will Swenson on July 28^th and 29^th, Liz Callaway on August 12^th, Jeremy Jordan on August 13^th, Emily Skinner on August 19^th, Stephanie J. Block on August 21^st and 22^nd, and the ageless Marilyn Maye August 24 through 27.  Throughout the season, you can see Jinkx Monsoon in Beach City Bimbo, Miss Conception in Forbidden Diznee, and Hocum Pokem with Jinkx, Peaches Christ, and Liza Lott.  Naturally, you can get info and tickets at PtownArtHouse.com.

What will I go to over the Fourth?  I tend to check out Varla and Well-Strung early in their runs because I like to see how their shows develop over the season (and I’m big on giving notes).  Otherwise I can be seen performing acts of a more adult nature in more intimate – and yet still public – settings.  And, no, I do not like being critiqued.

It’s been two years since The Go-Go’s said farewell to touring at LA’s Greek Theatre.  But they never said they wouldn’t get together for something special.  So they played Oakland and San Diego to warm up for three nights at the legendary Hollywood Bowl.  As a purist, I wasn’t interested in seeing The Go-Go’s augmented by the Los Angeles Philharmonic – as fabulous as they are.  I wanted a real show, so I trekked to Oakland’s glamorous Fox Theatre, which was filled to capacity – prompting Belinda Carlisle to quip, “Wow, there sure are a lot of you out there!”  What made these shows noteworthy was the return of bassist Kathy Valentine, who unwillingly left the group in 2012.  I was excited at the prospect of seeing the classic Go-Go’s lineup reunited.  Alas, my plans were thwarted.  Drummer Gina Schock had surgery on her arm, so she had to sit these shows out.  But she still showed up to introduce the band, joined by temporary replacement drummer, Chris Arredondo.  The Go-Go’s shook things up by doing several songs they haven’t done for years – if ever.  “Here You Are” is a highlight of the Broadway musical based on The Go-Go’s catalogue, Head Over Heels.  Charlotte mentioned they’ve never performed it live and hoped for the best, while Jane cautioned the band, “Don’t fuck it up”.  Check it out on BillyMasters.com.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Justin in Chicago: “Do you know that hot, short gay guy who is going to be on Big Brother?  His bio says he’s a go-go dancer in West Hollywood.”

Just when you thought you’ve heard it all, Big Brother announces the casting of JC Mounduix, touted as the first contestant in the show’s history who has dwarfism!  “I say I’m 5’0″, but I’m only 4’8″,” says JC.  Yes, he is gay and a go-go dancer in West Hollywood.  I don’t know him personally, but I did hear he has – or had – a hot boyfriend who also “dances” (photos to follow).  It should go without saying that JC is attractive and has an amazing body.  He also appears to have quite a sizable appendage, but I remind you to take proportions into account.  And do remember that objects frequently appear larger in photos, as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

Twice a day, my life is made brighter by Caso Cerrado, which gives me more pleasure than anything else on television.  This Spanish-language courtroom show on Telemundo is like a cross between Judge Judy and Jerry Springer, with a little bit of Unsolved Mysteries sprinkled in.  You see, there is a disclaimer at the end of the show saying, “The cases seen may be based on real events and may be dramatized”.  Well, at least they admit it!  It has been a major hit throughout the Spanish-speaking world since it debuted in 2001 and is presided over by the brilliant Dra. Ana Maria Polo, who is a mediator, not a judge.  She also sings the theme song, but let’s not even go there.  But more germane to this story is that she’s a lesbian – something which has been whispered about for years but never publicly confirmed.  And that’s strange because Polo is a fervent advocate of gay rights and regularly features LGBTQ cases on her show.  Now she’s been thrust into the spotlight with a case of her own.  Marlene Key, who was the show’s former executive producer, has filed a $2 million lawsuit claiming that she owns the name Caso Cerrado.  She alleges that when Polo was ill, she transferred all of her property over to her lover, Key!  When the two broke up, Marlene was ousted from the production, and Polo allegedly emptied out their joint bank account.  Hence the lawsuit, which is now getting publicity.  Due to the scrutiny, Telemundo has replaced the evening airings with a soap, although they say Caso Cerrado will return in the fall.  We’ll see.

One of my favorite issues of ESPN The Magazine is their annual Body Issue.  Who am I kidding – it’s the only issue I’ve even seen, and that’s because they celebrate the human form by capturing athletic icons out of their gear – something which typically makes readers pull out their gear.  Last year, Gus Kenworthy was featured skiing in the nude, which is only against Olympic rules because they didn’t have snow in ancient Greece.  This year, the magazine got Adam Rippon to slip off the Spandex.  The photos were taken shortly after he came back from the Olympics.  “I couldn’t have done this while I was in the closet.  I think that, with my experience of coming out, I felt so liberated in so many ways.”  Adam also had an ulterior motive.  “I don’t want to say I’ll never be in this shape again, but I’ll never be in this shape.  I’ll be in another shape.”  With his delicious derriere, I’m guessing he may be inching towards pear-shaped.  For a peek at his peak, check out BillyMasters.com.

Broadway Bares has been raising funds (and other things) for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS since 1992.  And how better to do that than feature some of the hottest bodies on Broadway in as little clothing as possible?  Last week, the annual event brought in over $1.9 million, but enough about that…let’s get to the real story.  Featured in the show was the cast of The Boys in the Band.  Well, most of the cast.  Jim Parsons, Zachary Quinto and Brian Hutchison were no-shows.  That left Matt Bomer, Charlie Carver, Robin de Jesús, Andrew Rannells, Michael Benjamin Washington and Tuc Watkins to fill the necessary gaps – although the youthful Mr. Carver was saddled with most of the heavy lifting.  Since the theme for this installment of Bares was “Game Night”, the Boys played a version of Trivial Pursuit where each wrong answer meant Carver took off another article of clothing.  When he lost the final round, his G-string was pulled off and he was left holding his cowboy hat in front of his nether regions (his character in the play is a hustler named Cowboy).  However, for the midnight show – oh, yes, there are two Broadway Bares shows – Zachary Quinto surprised the audience with a special appearance and pulled off the G-string.  And Charlie cheekily showed off his cheeks, as you can see on BillyMasters.com.

I was surprised that Carver was the only member of his cast to show any skin.  After all, Matt Bomer has played a male stripper…twice.  Not only that, but The Boys in the Band opens with him taking a shower and walking around in a towel for the first scene.  Customers thought at the very least he’d join in for Rotation, the finale of Broadway Bares, where all of the participants hit the stage for the audience to gang tip their favorites.  Someone in the know said that Bomer could have easily made five figures…or was it that he could have easily taken five fingers?  I have to start paying better attention.  Either way, Bomer demurred.

That leads perfectly into our next story.  A woman claims that after she refused to perform oral sex on him, Jamie Foxx slapped her in the face with his penis.  So, clearly she was in the general penis vicinity.  At the very least, she was penis adjacent!  The incident allegedly happened in 2002 at a party in Las Vegas, and therein lies the problem.  The woman never filed a police report.  In fact, she never even talked about it until now.  She claims to have been inspired by the #MeToo movement.  You know who’s not saying “me too”?  Jamie Foxx.  His lawyer says, “Jamie emphatically denies that this incident ever occurred, and he will be filing a report with the Las Vegas Police Department against the woman for filing a false police report against him.”  The Nevada police say they will not be investigating the case since the three-year statute of limitations has passed.  What I got out of that is there’s a three-year statute of limitations on penis slapping – information I’ll file away for future reference.  I don’t know if there’s a statute against showing you Jamie Foxx’s penis, which is big enough to slap the bejesus out of you.  Oh, yeah, Katie Holmes jumped out of the frying pan and onto a pogo stick, as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

See if you can figure out why the following headline caught my eye.  “Man walked around Target exposing himself for $20”.  Hmmm, what could it be?  This story comes to us courtesy of the Ocala Star-Banner – of course it happened in Florida!  The man in question, Richard Kuhn, is barely a man.  Why, he’s only 21 years old – Kevin Spacey wouldn’t look at him twice!  But I can tell you, based on his mug shot, Kuhn is quite fetching…and I’ve trained quite a few fellas to fetch over the years…but I digress.  Kuhn was at the store with some friends when they said they’d pay him $20 to “walk around the store with his genitals out” – so clearly the recession has hit everyone.  Reportedly, his penis was spotted in the home décor section, the women’s clothing aisle, and the frozen food section, which I think speaks quite highly of the lad.  The store got complaints from three different women – proving once again that women wouldn’t know a good thing if it hit them in the face.

Our next story is about Jeff Lewis from Flipping Out – who I didn’t even know was still relevant.  Apparently his surrogate is suing Bravo for filming her giving birth.  OK, first off – Jeff had a baby?  And it wasn’t with Zoila or Jenni?  Jeff and his partner Gage Edward (which I’m guessing is his porn name) hired a surrogate.  She signed a contract which allowed them to film her doctor’s appointments.  But she claims the producers surreptitiously filmed the birth!  In the episode, they showed a blurred image of her vagina, which is enough for me!  What really pissed her off was something Lewis then said on camera.  “If I was a surrogate, and I had known there was going to be an audience, I probably would have waxed.  And that was the shocking part for Gage.  I don’t think Gage had ever seen a vagina, let alone one that big.”  She’s filed suit, saying the experience has caused her incredible anguish, self-loathing, contempt and depression.  Lewis responded to the suit with an Instagram post showing a screenshot of the Variety article reporting the lawsuit with the following caption: “I guess we won’t be using her again.”

“I will see anything with Chris shirtless in a field of flowers. 
Or Chris looking like Jesus in the rain.“  
– Channing Tatum’s comments after seeing stills of a shirtless Chris Hemsworth in Bad Times at the El Royale. 
To recap, Tatum’s divorcing his wife and lusting after a shirtless Hemsworth.  Happy Pride!

In a scintillating Ask Billy question, Robbie from Dallas asks, “What do you know about model Charles Laurent?  I hear he’s a sex pig.”

I never heard of him before, but I’m happy to research anyone who is a sex pig.  Turns out the luscious French model has a past – providing services to people on an hourly basis.  Apparently, that was after he was discovered “dancing”, he says euphemistically.  Nowadays, Charles-Laurent Marchand (to use his full name) is far more respectable, but previously had a penchant for posing nude whenever he could – thank God!  While lately he’s been more chaste, our researchers uncovered a sizable appendage.  Yes, the face is hot and the body is beyond perfect.  But trust me when I say you’ll wanna see the rest.  And the only place to do that is on BillyMasters.com.

We move now to a CrossFit gym in Indianapolis.  An LGBT member decided to organize a Pride Workout at CrossFit Infiltrate (a nefarious name for a gym if ever there was one).  At the last minute, the event was cancelled by the management…but allegedly not because of the LGBT angle.  What stuck in the craw of the management was the word “pride”.  Director Brandon Lowe said, “We believe that true health forever can only be found within humility, not pride.  Humility in seeing oneself as they truly are, and as God truly defines them to be.”  I’ve been around many hot men in gyms, and what I’ve never run into is a high degree of humility.  But perhaps I’m going to the wrong gyms – are they all clothing optional?

Then a corporate CrossFit employee jumped into the fray.  Russell Berger Tweeted how he supported Infiltrate’s message.  “Thank you #CrossFitInfiltrate for standing by their convictions and refusing to host an @indypride workout.  The intolerance of the LGBTQ ideology towards any alternative views is mind-blowing.”  Do note that an alleged straight guy is the first to bring up anything having to do with blowing.  At 2:02PM, CrossFit announced, “Effective immediately, Russell Berger has been placed on unpaid leave while management completes a thorough review.”  That thorough review was done by 4:45PM with the following Tweet: “The statements made today by Russell Berger do not reflect the view of CrossFit Inc.  For this reason, his employment with CrossFit has been terminated.”  The next day, a sign was posted on the front door.  “CrossFit Infiltrate has determined that it will no longer operate business at this location.  We thank you for your patronage and support.”  How proud are you now?

You know what Shawn Mendes wants to get his hands on?  Justin Bieber’s underwear.  Well, who could blame him.  It all happened during an episode of James Corden’s show.  Shawn was doing Carpool Karaoke, and he mentioned that even though he lives on his own, his mum still does his housework and laundry.  This gave Corden the perfect opportunity to say, “You know, Justin Bieber wears a new pair of underpants every day.  I think he then sells them online.”  Without batting a perfectly mascaraed lash, Mendes said, “I’d buy them.”  In case he didn’t hear right, Corden asked, “How much would you pay for Justin Bieber’s underpants?”  “I’d probably cap it at like $500.”  James then asked Mendes how much he’d pay for a pair of his (Corden’s) undies.  “I would pay to not have a pair of your underpants.  I would pay for them to be as far away from me as possible.”  Charming.

Last week, I attended the 40^th anniversary screening of the restored version of Grease on the Paramount lot.  In circumstances far too convoluted to explain, I was part of a small handful of elite VIPs – primarily cast members who were guests of director Randal Kleiser.  After the screening, scores of fans descended onto our group to get autographs and photos.  Twice, people asked if I was in the film.  OK, let’s do the math – the film is celebrating 40 years.  Exactly how old do I look?  Eventually, I told people I was the stand-in for Cha Cha – the best dancer at Saint Bernadette’s!  Aside from that, Miss DiGregorio, how did you like the film?  I loved it.  The restoration work is amazing.  The video has never looked so pristine or vivid, and the audio remastering let me hear bits of background dialogue for the first time.  I wholeheartedly recommend getting the Blu-ray.

One doesn’t often get to meet a childhood crush, but while I was hangin’ with the T-Birds, pal Barry Pearl, who played Doody, introduced me to Kelly Ward, who played the blond Putzie.  The fact that Kelly didn’t run for the hills when I confessed he was my secret love only endeared him to me more (truth be told, I spent much of the evening dancing with his wife than I did mooning over him).  While watching Grease, I was struck by how much Kelly looked like Tab Hunter.  And that leads to our next story.

In the 2005 book Tab Hunter Confidential (and the subsequent documentary in 2015), the actor discusses his clandestine love affair with fellow queer actor, Anthony Perkins.  That story will be the genesis of a film currently in development.  Tab & Tony is being produced by Zachary Quinto and J.J. Abrams.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Tyler in San Diego: “Is Jared on RuPaul’s Drag Race the same guy who did that sex scene with Nick Jonas on Kingdom?  Sure looks like him.”

Good catch.  Two years ago, I brought you Jonas’ Kingdom three-way which included a model named Jared North.  Turns out, that is the same Jared who is part of the Pit Crew on Drag Race.  In real life, he’s a model and a dancer and, apparently, an actor.  In addition to what he showed on Kingdom, we can show you a whole lot more – like, literally, every inch of him, on BillyMasters.com.  And, trust me, this one is well worth checking out.

The much-anticipated 50^th anniversary production of The Boys in the Band opened on Broadway last week to critical acclaim.  There were some caveats regarding the material, the cast, and director Joe Mantello’s decision to run the play as a taut, single 110-minute act – which I think makes sense since the play takes place in real time during a single evening in April 1968.  Nothing I’ve read has deterred my interest in this production, which I plan to see (and review) next month.  If you are interested, I’d suggest being swift of foot.  The limited run closes on August 11^th.  Well, all good band boys would want to see the summer out in Fire Island or Ptown! 

Speaking of sexy photos, underwear giant Andrew Christian just made history by hiring their first trans man as a model.  Jesse Diamond started testosterone treatment only four years ago.  However, he’s identified as male since he was three.  With this gig, he’s achieved a landmark goal.  “When I started working out about five years ago, my dream was basically to become Marky Mark.  I wanted to be an underwear model, a buff guy, and I’ve been buying Andrew Christians for years.  So it was definitely like a dream come true for me.”  Check him out on our website.

Let’s get some things out of the way.  I didn’t watch the original Roseanne sitcom.  I don’t know why, but I never did.  However, I have met Roseanne several times and she’s always been extraordinarily nice to me – and, let’s face it, there’s no need for that.  I’m not entirely sure I could identify Samantha Bee in a police line-up.  In fact, I’m not exactly sure who she is.  I’ve never seen her show.  And up until this past week, I thought her name was Samantha B – like Stacey Q or Robin S.  I was fairly certain that I danced to a Samantha B song at a recent circuit party.

With that, lemme give you my completely biased take on the past week.  Roseanne posted a racially insensitive Tweet comparing Valerie Jarrett (someone else I don’t know) to an ape.  Well, that’s what I thought she did.  When I started researching this column – yes, this stuff is actually researched – I discovered that what Roseanne actually Tweeted was this: “muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes had a baby=vj”.  Nobody seems to have been upset about the slam to the Muslim Brotherhood.  I guess they’re fair game.

The first whiff of a problem came when Wanda Sykes quit the Roseanne show.  Then the floodgates opened and everyone piled on Roseanne – which I found fascinating since this seemed far from the most offensive thing she’s ever said.  Almost immediately, apologies started – my favorite being that she blamed the Tweet on Ambien.  Been there, done that, driven to the Carl’s Jr. drive-thru and didn’t remember it the next day.  Hell, I’ve written columns on Ambien – but it’s still on me.  ABC cancelled Roseanne, even after Barr’s personal pleas to the head of the network.  Then Viacom and Hulu dropped the old Roseanne show.  It’s worth noting that it took over 60 women to say Bill Cosby drugged and sexually assaulted them before The Cosby Show was pulled from cable.  But one Tweet about a Muslim and an ape having a baby and Roseanne was history.

Now let’s look at Samantha Bee.  On her TBS show Full Frontal, she said, “You know, Ivanka, that’s a beautiful photo of you and your child, but let me just say, one mother to another, do something about your dad’s immigration practices, you feckless cunt!”  This is not one person’s late-night Tweet on Ambien in the privacy of their home.  This was something prepared on a scripted show, presumably approved by writers and producers, shot in advance, and then aired on a major network.  This is a statement – better or worse, I cannot say – which was greenlit by dozens of people.  Samantha and TBS made an apology and everyone moved on.

Roseanne’s crazy.  We all know that.  She may be filled with hate.  She may be a racist.  And she may have said something – clearly individually and spontaneously – that was wrong.  Samantha Bee, on the other hand, planned something, worked on it with various people, filmed it, and had the support of a network that aired it.  Is a questionable comparison of a black woman to a Muslim and an ape more heinous than calling someone a word most women believe to be the most insulting term imaginable?  As always, I defer to Wanda Sykes.  After all, Wanda’s a woman.  Wanda’s black.  Wanda’s a lesbian.  While not germane to this story, Wanda’s also married to a French woman – so I kinda feel she doesn’t put up with any crap.  As far as I’m concerned, I’m on whatever side Wanda is on.  If Wanda quit Roseanne, then that’s that.  Would she have quit Full Frontal?  I dunno.

While we wait patiently for NBC to decide the fate of Timeless, I decided to take matters into my own hands – literally.  There must be nude photos of Matt Lanter, who I have enjoyed ever since his brief stint in the White House as Geena Davis’ son in Commander In Chief.  And then, as if a gift from the heavens, Lanter appeared in my lap.  If people got to see these alleged nude shots of Matt, I suspect Timeless would have a long, throbbing run on the network.  I’ll do what I can to help and post the pics on BillyMasters.com.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Josh in Chelsea, England: “Big fan of yours – met you at Chess with Elaine Paige.  What a thrill!  I remember you saying you saw Ben Whishaw in Cock.  So that got me wondering – do you have any pics or footage of his actual cock?”

I hate to say this, but can you send me a photo, Josh?  I remember meeting Elaine Paige, but I don’t remember you.  And I’m not entirely sure what thrilled you – being at the opening of Chess, meeting Elaine Paige, or meeting me!  Moving swiftly along to Whishaw, I can certainly give you a hand.  While nothing quite equals being in a small venue with his Cock, he’s been even more in a variety of films, as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

If you were at one of the first previews of the Broadway production of The Boys in the Band, you got to see a bit more of Matt Bomer than usual.  “My character takes a shower within the first five minutes.  I realize that there was no towel when I got out of the shower.  I had the choice to do the rest of the scene buck naked, which would not have made any sense, or there’s like a glass partition, so I had to coyly reach around and grab my tighty whities and put them on my soaking wet body and do the rest of the scene in wet tighty whities.”  With these choices, I consider this a win/win.  Left to a vote, I can guess which way the election would have swung…if not the rest of Bomer.

From Stormy Daniels Day to George Takei (it rhymes if you say it aloud).  Remember last year when a former male model alleged that the Star Trek actor sexually assaulted him back in 1981?  Turns out it may not have happened at all.  Scott Brunton claimed that he fell asleep at Takei’s house and woke up with his pants around his ankles…if I had a nickel!  “I know unequivocally he spiked my drink!”  Now he’s changing his tune.  According to Shane Snow of The Observer, Brunton slightly altered his story each time he recounted the incident.  So he decided to get to the bottom (so to speak) of it.  Brunton told Snow that he thought Takei just wanted to be friends; he was shocked when the actor hit on him.  “He was 20 years older than me and short.  And I wasn’t attracted to Asian men.  I was a hot, surfer, California boy type, that he probably could have only gotten had he bought, paid for or found someone just willing to ride on his coattails of fame.”  Oh, MY!  Then Snow came right out and asked, “Did he touch your genitals?”  Shane said, “You know…probably…He was clearly on his way to…to…to going somewhere.”  I’m going to the next Caucasian surfer boy – and I ain’t payin’!

Since I’m spending some time in Boston, I missed out on the May 23^rd festivities known as Stormy Daniels Day.  While many criticized West Hollywood for honoring the porn star, I thought it was somewhat appropriate.  After all, the ceremony took place in front of Chi Chi LaRue’s store on Santa Monica Boulevard, and was presided over by Mayor John Duran, who is partners with my husband, gay porn superstar Kurt Young (it’s very complicated, but also very WeHo).  News of these festivities enraged FOX host Tucker Carlson.  “She is not even gay!”  Let me tell you, Tucker – just so you know and your children will someday know – West Hollywood has honored other non-gay persons such as Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong, En Vogue, and others too numerous to mention.

Intriguingly enough, the West Hollywood City Council considered honoring yet another “celebrity” back in 2015.  Then-Councilman Duran said, “In my mind, Bruce Jenner has not earned anything by coming out as a transgendered person.”  Now, three years later, Duran said, “Lady Godiva rode naked through the streets of England to protest injustice and taxes, and we have our own Lady Godiva here in the city of West Hollywood.”  And, Tucker, it turns out there is a gay angle.  In her speech, Stormy said, “As a woman with two wonderful gay dads, Keith and JD, I feel especially at home here.”  And because I know you’ll ask, Daniels’ hot lawyer Michael Avenatti was in attendance and earned more than his fair share of attention – as well he should.

The day ended with a soirée at The Abbey which was supposed to last about 30 minutes.  Apparently, Stormy enjoyed herself so much, she stayed over two hours, dancing with drag queens and go-go boys.  Alas, the evening didn’t end well according to Abbey honcho Dave Cooley.  “Her security detail was a disaster.  They were rude to many of our guests, they were aggressive with several of our staff, they were shoving press outside and being generally rude.  They also walked out on their bill and didn’t tip their server.”  Shame. 

By the by, we hear that Her Majesty offered to babysit Meghan’s rescue beagle, Guy, during all the hoopla in Windsor.  Yes, QEII – Dog Sitter!  Not only that, but Lizzie actually let the dog ride with her in the back of her chauffeur-driven car.  It’s been noted that Meghan hasn’t even gotten to do that!

From the men with the orchestra to The Boys in the Band.  The seminal gay play began previews on Broadway last week, and there are already casualties.  At the matinee last Saturday, Jim Parsons apparently tripped down some stairs during what one audience member described as his “encore” – like he was doing a number or something!  The evening show was cancelled due to “a minor injury of a cast member”.  Performances resumed on Monday.

During my travels, gossip continued outside of the UK.  I heard lots about Pauley Perrette’s tearful farewell to NCIS.  Days later came word that her departure had been precipitated by “multiple physical assaults”.  “I refuse to go low, that’s why I’ve never told publicly what happened.”  She added, “Maybe I’m wrong for not ‘spilling the beans’.  Telling the story, THE TRUTH.  I feel I have to protect my crew, jobs and so many people.  But at what cost.  I don’t know.  Just know, I’m trying to do the right thing, but maybe silence isn’t the right thing about crime.”  Via Tweet she added, “There is a ‘machine’ keeping me silent, and feeding FALSE stories about me.  A very rich, very powerful publicity ‘machine’.  No morals, no obligations to truth, and I’m just left here, reading the lies, trying to protect my crew.  Trying to remain calm.  He did it.  I’ve been supporting anti-bullying programs forever.  But now I KNOW because it was ME!  If it’s school or work, that you’re required to go to?  It’s horrifying.  I left.  Multiple Physical Assaults.  I REALLY get it now.  Stay safe.  Nothing is worth your safety.  Tell someone.” 

We did a bit of digging and our sources say that the physical abuse happened at the hands of Mark Harmon’s DOG!  Allegedly, Harmon brought the dog to the set, a crew member was playing with him, got bit and required 15 stitches.  After that, many people were unhappy that Harmon continued to bring the dog to the set, but since he’s also a producer on the show, they didn’t feel comfortable criticizing him.  We hear that Pauley had no such trepidation, which led to a schism between the two.  Ever since then, Harmon and Perrette have refused to work together, and any scenes including them both were the result of editing magic!  Here’s my two cents.  I do know Pauley Perrette.  Each of the seven years I hosted LA Pride, Pauley was a member of our team.  She showed up, she did what she could, she was great.  I know firsthand she’s a terrific, genuine, real person with a heart of gold, and I’m inclined to believe everything she says – and doesn’t say.

The wedding went off without a hitch – at least as far as the bride and groom, who actually got hitched.  I’ll start with Oprah since she was one of the first ones there.  Apparently the scheduling office wanted to stagger the arrival of celebrities, and I guess Oprah isn’t as big a deal in the UK as she is in the States.  She strolled in a good two hours early but, alas, her problems started much earlier.  Less than 24 hours before the wedding, she realized that in sunlight her designated outfit looked white!  She immediately contacted Stella McCarthy, who whipped together that pale pink frock with moments to spare.  All the easier to spot Oprah as she wandered in the back of the church trying to find her seat!

Sarah Ferguson was invited back into the fold.  She turned up at the wedding solo, although she did rendezvous with ex-hubby Andrew and their daughters at the service.  She wasn’t seated with the family, but she was still in the front choir section – so she had a better seat than Oprah!  Rumor has it that Prince Harry (who was always a bit of a wild child) has a soft spot for his auntie, who was known as the black sheep of the family!  Onlookers wondered why she was wearing a single black glove.  Homage to Michael Jackson?  Nope – she actually had two gloves.  But photographers snapped her arriving after she took one off.  That’s how rumors get started.

Since I know you’re interested, we hear that Prince Harry lost about 10 pounds leading up to wedding.  Apparently, Meghan eschews many of Harry’s primary indulgences, including pizza, beer, and BBQ.  She wanted her hubby to look fit and trim on the day, which David Muir certainly noted.  This begs the question, is it possible that Mrs. Muir has never heard of Givenchy?  And would it kill Victoria Beckham to crack a smile?  Becks was posing with people walking into Windsor Palace, and Posh looked like she’d rather be getting an enema.  Well, who wouldn’t? 

Most people appeared to be having a good time – even that crazy old woman in the green coat carrying her everyday black purse!  And I like Meghan.  She appears to be lovely and charming.  But let’s not get carried away.  People are talking about how she’s giving up this big, successful acting career.  Get a grip.  She’s not Grace Kelly walking away from Hollywood with an Oscar; she’s Meghan Markle, walking away from Suits on basic cable!

By the by, we hear that Her Majesty offered to babysit Meghan’s rescue beagle, Guy, during all the hoopla in Windsor.  Yes, QEII – Dog Sitter!  Not only that, but Lizzie actually let the dog ride with her in the back of her chauffeur-driven car.  It’s been noted that Meghan hasn’t even gotten to do that!

As we were going to press, we heard that Quantico was cancelled.  That means some really hot gay guys are suddenly unemployed.  That leads to our Ask Billy question, from Karl in Atlanta.  “I remember you mentioning a movie with Russell Tovey playing a gay soccer player.  Did it ever come out?  The photos you ran were hot.”

You know, I completely forgot about The Pass.  It was made a couple of years ago, but then I never heard anything more.  Turns out it opened at the BFI Flare London LGBT Film Festival in March of 2016.  Then it played a bunch of film festivals before winding up with a UK DVD release in April 2017.  Last week, it turned up on Amazon Prime in the US, so you can see it for yourself.  Here’s what I’ll tell you – Russell’s really hot.  Like REALLY hot.  Like, he’s never looked hotter.  And his “teammate”, Arinze Kene, is even hotter!  Together they are like gay porn hot.  I didn’t know anything about the movie, but it comes across as a play – most scenes include only two or three people in a single locale.  Turns out, it started life as a play – starring Tovey!  It’s interesting and sexy with a dark and somber turn towards the end.  Despite the claustrophobic atmosphere, there are some striking visuals – in particular, one I’d calling “sleeping double in a single bed”.  Because I’m such a giver, you can see the entire film on BillyMasters.com.

While I was banding about Britain, a curious event took place on a Carnival cruise – and it didn’t involve Kathie Lee Gifford!  The Backstreet Boys sponsored a fan cruise on the Carnival Sensation.  One of the parties was called “Party Like It’s 1993”, so the boys decided to dress up like the Spice Girls!  Why?  Perhaps they were just paying homage, although they previously mentioned they’d love to team up with the Brit babes.  They didn’t actually sing, but they did lip sync to some Spicey hits. Nick was Baby, Kevin was Posh, Howie was Ginger, Brian was Sporty, and AJ was Scary.  Actually, they were all kinda scary, as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

Last November, Playboy made history by featuring its first trans Playmate, Ines Rau.  While in London at the British LGBT Awards, Hugh Hefner’s son Cooper said he’d “absolutely” like more trans Playmates.  “It feels very authentic of what the brand has stood for for 60 years.”  Rau added, “It’s a sexual revolution happening right now and I am so happy to be one of the leaders of the revolution.  The LGBT needs to be seen the way they deserve to be seen.  I am moved and proud to do that for the community.”  While Ines is the first official Playmate, it should be noted that my friend Tula was the first trans model to appear in Playboy back in 1991.

Things are really ramping up for the royal wedding. The big news last week was that while William will be Harry’s best man, Kate will not be the maid (or, I suppose, matron) of honor. A royal snub? Hardly. Apparently it is considered unseemly for a future queen to be an attendant to anyone – even on their wedding day! It’s also been whispered that Meghan doesn’t want anyone to upstage her – like Pippa did at Kate’s wedding! So, who will attend to Meghan? Nobody, that’s who. The official word is that she has too many friends to choose from, but our sources inside the palace tell us that Meghan actually wants her friends to have a good time and not have to work and fuss with her dress. Have no fear – she won’t be all by her lonesome. The bridal party will have all those little kids as attendants and pages, including Will’s children, George and Charlotte.

The big scuttlebutt in London has to do with another royal couple – Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson. Even though they divorced in 1996, Andy and Fergie get along better than ever and continue to live together. However, it’s not like they’re sharing a one-room flat – since their divorce, they’ve been cohabitating in a 12-bedroom estate! But the birth of Prince Louis has apparently had a domino effect on the royal family. The law states that the sovereign must approve the marriage of the first six people in line for the throne – so it’s the heir, the spare, and four others in case of something like bubonic plague. Up until Louis’ birth, the line of succession was Charles, William, George, Charlotte, Harry, and Andrew. Now with Louis ensconced between Charlotte and Harry, Andrew is number seven and technically doesn’t require mummy’s approval to wed. Royal watchers speculate that Andrew and Sarah would like to re-marry, but the Queen would likely not allow it; one does not quickly forget the toe-sucking incident. Still, I find it unlikely that he’d go against his mum’s wishes – he ain’t no Princess Margaret! Plus, that old woman can’t live forever. Here’s the catch – if he waits till Lizzie dies, Charles becomes king, Andy moves back into sixth position, and the whole problem starts all over again – until Harry and Meghan have a kid.

Since I’m still across the pond, it seems appropriate to answer an Ask Billy question from Tim in Surrey, England.  “Have you come across the nude photos of Freddie Woodward?  My mate told me they were online, but when I went to the website, they were gone.”

This happens a lot to nude photos.  First, for my US fans, let me explain who Freddie Woodward is.  He’s a 22-year-old British diver – sigh, I know, yet another hot diver!  It’s SO tedious.  Whilst he claims to not be gay, one cannot deny his attractiveness – or his perfectly pert posterior, which he’s previously paraded.  Now we can add to that his ponderous penis, which appears to be close to three meters (but you know how things appear larger on camera).  You’ll spring out of your shorts when you see it on BillyMasters.com.