While I was banding about Britain, a curious event took place on a Carnival cruise – and it didn’t involve Kathie Lee Gifford!  The Backstreet Boys sponsored a fan cruise on the Carnival Sensation.  One of the parties was called “Party Like It’s 1993”, so the boys decided to dress up like the Spice Girls!  Why?  Perhaps they were just paying homage, although they previously mentioned they’d love to team up with the Brit babes.  They didn’t actually sing, but they did lip sync to some Spicey hits. Nick was Baby, Kevin was Posh, Howie was Ginger, Brian was Sporty, and AJ was Scary.  Actually, they were all kinda scary, as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

Last November, Playboy made history by featuring its first trans Playmate, Ines Rau.  While in London at the British LGBT Awards, Hugh Hefner’s son Cooper said he’d “absolutely” like more trans Playmates.  “It feels very authentic of what the brand has stood for for 60 years.”  Rau added, “It’s a sexual revolution happening right now and I am so happy to be one of the leaders of the revolution.  The LGBT needs to be seen the way they deserve to be seen.  I am moved and proud to do that for the community.”  While Ines is the first official Playmate, it should be noted that my friend Tula was the first trans model to appear in Playboy back in 1991.

Things are really ramping up for the royal wedding. The big news last week was that while William will be Harry’s best man, Kate will not be the maid (or, I suppose, matron) of honor. A royal snub? Hardly. Apparently it is considered unseemly for a future queen to be an attendant to anyone – even on their wedding day! It’s also been whispered that Meghan doesn’t want anyone to upstage her – like Pippa did at Kate’s wedding! So, who will attend to Meghan? Nobody, that’s who. The official word is that she has too many friends to choose from, but our sources inside the palace tell us that Meghan actually wants her friends to have a good time and not have to work and fuss with her dress. Have no fear – she won’t be all by her lonesome. The bridal party will have all those little kids as attendants and pages, including Will’s children, George and Charlotte.

The big scuttlebutt in London has to do with another royal couple – Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson. Even though they divorced in 1996, Andy and Fergie get along better than ever and continue to live together. However, it’s not like they’re sharing a one-room flat – since their divorce, they’ve been cohabitating in a 12-bedroom estate! But the birth of Prince Louis has apparently had a domino effect on the royal family. The law states that the sovereign must approve the marriage of the first six people in line for the throne – so it’s the heir, the spare, and four others in case of something like bubonic plague. Up until Louis’ birth, the line of succession was Charles, William, George, Charlotte, Harry, and Andrew. Now with Louis ensconced between Charlotte and Harry, Andrew is number seven and technically doesn’t require mummy’s approval to wed. Royal watchers speculate that Andrew and Sarah would like to re-marry, but the Queen would likely not allow it; one does not quickly forget the toe-sucking incident. Still, I find it unlikely that he’d go against his mum’s wishes – he ain’t no Princess Margaret! Plus, that old woman can’t live forever. Here’s the catch – if he waits till Lizzie dies, Charles becomes king, Andy moves back into sixth position, and the whole problem starts all over again – until Harry and Meghan have a kid.

Since I’m still across the pond, it seems appropriate to answer an Ask Billy question from Tim in Surrey, England.  “Have you come across the nude photos of Freddie Woodward?  My mate told me they were online, but when I went to the website, they were gone.”

This happens a lot to nude photos.  First, for my US fans, let me explain who Freddie Woodward is.  He’s a 22-year-old British diver – sigh, I know, yet another hot diver!  It’s SO tedious.  Whilst he claims to not be gay, one cannot deny his attractiveness – or his perfectly pert posterior, which he’s previously paraded.  Now we can add to that his ponderous penis, which appears to be close to three meters (but you know how things appear larger on camera).  You’ll spring out of your shorts when you see it on BillyMasters.com.

Baby Bunton got a new lease on life due to Absolutely Fabulous.  Someone else who benefited from Patsy and Edina’s attention is Lulu.  The singer has been a staple in the UK since she was a tot, but in the States she’s best known for acting in and singing the title song from To Sir With Love.  Since AbFab, you can go into any gay bar in the world and exclaim, “Champagne for Lulu”, and people know exactly who you’re talking about.  In March, Lulu went into the smash London production of the musical 42^nd Street replacing another Scottish songbird – Sheena Easton.  Since I’m spending some time here, I decided to check it out – especially since this is Lulu’s first West End show in three decades!  No matter how many times I see 42^nd Street, I am always taken with how engaging and entertaining it is.  Yes, it’s an old-fashioned, creaky musical, but I just can’t resist those dancing feet.  The production is really flawless from top to bottom with a hard-working, talented cast.  Lulu is just the icing on the cake – but, oh, what icing it is.  Everything she does is delicious.  She sings, she dances, she poses, she snipes.  She’s Lulu, and she’s a national treasure.

I was told Lulu was waiting for me backstage, so off I went.  I was barely in the stage door when I heard her unmistakable voice yell, “Hello, gorgeous!”  I always forget she’s a little bit of a thing.  But, my God, what energy and star power.  She had just come offstage and was dashing out to see the fans waiting for her, but I asked her to pose for a quick photo with me.  As I looked around for someone to take the picture, Lulu snatched the phone out of my hand and said, “Oh, I’ve got loads of experience taking selfies – smile!”  And, just like that, she took the snap.  If you want to see her in the show, act quickly – she’s only there until the middle of June.

I also went to the opening night of Chess at the London Coliseum.  The English National Opera has made an annual tradition of presenting a semi-staged musical in the spring, and this marked the first West End revival of Chess in over 30 years (no, Lulu wasn’t in it).  To hear this glorious score played by a full symphonic orchestra is something I’ll never forget.  While the music was great, the story is as problematic as ever.  This is the third production of Chess I’ve seen in the past two years – and each time I swear I’ve seen a different show.  It’s as if I’m seeing a musical version of Clue!  Characters change nationality, locations change, motivations are different, even the endings can change.  Of all the versions, I believe Seth Rudetsky’s from the 2003 Actors Fund benefit came closest to solving the problems.

Back to the ENO – this was also quite a night.  Things kicked off brilliantly when the press documented the arrival of the original female lead, Elaine Paige.  Her counterpart onstage in this production was the remarkable Cassidy Janson.  As Freddy, Tim Howar really ripped into the role.  Side note – he had to leave the first preview during intermission because his wife went into labor!  Alexandra Burke played Svetlana – and, once again, the show surprised us by giving her a new song!  If you don’t know Burke, she won Britain’s X Factor, and previously appeared in West End productions of The Bodyguard and Sister Act: The Musical.  I knew she could sing, but she can really act, too.  As far as I was concerned, the weakest link in the cast was Michael Ball.  Yes, he’s a West End icon and I usually love him, but in this he seemed stiff, awkward, and just out of sync with the rest of the cast (and completely implausible as Burke’s husband).  But was he bad?  No.  Ultimately, the star of the evening was the show itself – presented more-or-less in its original version.  And how wonderful it was that creators Benny and Björn (from ABBA) and Tim Rice were together to celebrate the event.  If you are a fan, do not wait for a transfer or an extension.  See it before it closes on June 2^nd.

When it comes to gay couples that might make it, my money’s on Lance Bass and Michael Turchin.  Just a hunch.  Lance was in the news when *NSYNC got their star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.  It gave the famed quintet a chance to reunite, and Lance talked about why he didn’t come out of the closet earlier.  “I thought if I had come out, *NSYNC would be over.  So I kept my secret, and our wildest dreams were coming true, and we were so incredibly thankful.  And I still am.  But so many nights on stage, I’d see so many young, gay fans, singing their hearts out, and I wanted so badly to let you know – I was you.  I just didn’t have the strength then.  But I do today, and so let me say loud and proud to all my LGBT brothers and sisters who embrace me and show me the way to be who I am, thank you so much.”  Bravo!

After the star ceremony, there was a dinner at WeHo hotspot Delilah.  All five boys were confirmed to attend, along with their loved ones and numerous friends.  Alas, Justin Timberlake was a no-show.  He did, however, join the others on a taped episode of Ellen where they played a spirited game of “Never Have I Ever”.  This game featured the group telling the truth about their previous sexual exploits (not surprisingly, Lance had the least to contribute).  There were questions like have you ever hooked up with a fan, on the tour bus, with someone twice your age, etc.  When asked if any of them had ever hooked up with a Spice Girl, Timberlake sheepishly said, “I Have”.  Of course, anyone reading this column already knows that he had a one-nighter with Baby Spice, Emma Bunton.  She previously confirmed it to UK chat show host, Jonathan Ross.  “We hung out and partied a bit, and he was very sweet.  He spoke about it first, ‘cause otherwise I would have never said a word.  He’s very sweet.”

Marriage is kinda like eating at Chipotle.  It seems like a good idea at the time, but shortly thereafter you may find yourself rushing for the bathroom.  I’m not opposed to marriage in general – or even gay marriage specifically.  I think that this generation sees it as the natural progression of a relationship.  But many gay people “of a certain age” never had the reality of marriage on the horizon.  Once it became legal, loads of people took the plunge to be part of the movement.  Alas, some movements race towards one’s bowels.

Colton Haynes has one foot in that older group, and one in the younger generation.  I guess one could say Colton straddles the age brackets – among other things.  So I was not particularly surprised that he got engaged less than a year after coming out.  That was as predictable as news that his “happily ever after” lasted roughly six months – which, to be fair, is longer than Kim Kardashian’s first attempt.  No official statement has been made, but Colton has unfollowed his hubby on Instagram and deleted all photos of them together from his social media – so that sounds official to me!  As the coup de grace, Colton has recorded a song, because apparently now he’s a chanteuse!  This little ditty is called “Man It Sucks”.  If the man sucks well, I don’t see a problem.

The long-gestating Elton John biopic has inched closer to fruition.  It was just announced that Rocketman will star Taron Egerton.  In case you can’t place him, he starred opposite Hugh Jackman in Eddie the Eagle.   Would I call him Elton’s doppelganger?  Well, he’s a hot Welsh lad with a full head of hair – you decide!  What’s interesting is that Elton’s iconic recordings will not be featured in the flick.  Taron is actually re-recording the songs.  David Furnish says his hubby heard three of the songs and was “blown away”.  Of course, Egerton already had experience singing Elton John songs – in the animated feature Sing, we are treated to his rendition of “I’m Still Standing”.  The Paramount biopic is being directed by Dexter Fletcher, who replaced Bryan Singer on the Freddie Mercury film Bohemian Rhapsody, which comes out on November 2^nd.

While perusing Taron Egerton’s oeuvre, I discovered this interesting anecdote.  He appeared in both Kingsmen flicks, where he showed a good amount of skin.  In Kingsman: The Golden Circle, there is a scene where his character places a tracking device in the vagina of a paramour.  Well, at least she’ll always know where it is!  Taron was uncomfortable doing the scene and demurred.  Happily, the actress Poppy Delevingne’s husband jumped in and did the deed with aplomb – or possibly with a plum!

Let me put on my psychic hat and predict what a future Ask Billy question might be.  “Billy, do you have any nude photos of Taron Egerton?”  Better than photos – videos.  He was on the UK series The Smoke and, well, let’s just say his shower scene left little to the imagination, as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

They said it would never happen, but get ready for an ABBA reunion.  We previously told you that the Swedish pop group was working on a virtual reality show which will be touring the world.  “The decision to go ahead with the exciting ABBA avatar tour project had an unexpected consequence.  We all four felt that, after some 35 years, it could be fun to join forces again and get into the recording studio.  So we did.  And it was like time had stood still and that we only had been away on a short holiday.  An extremely joyful experience.”  One of their new songs, “I Still Have Faith In You”, will be featured in a TV special which will air on NBC (and the BBC) in December. 

Most people aren’t as laissez-faire as moi (there I go, showing off my foreign tongue again).  Broadway was buzzing with news that Actors’ Equity would be renaming the legendary “gypsy robe” in “response to the cultural implications of the term” – i.e. so as not to offend the Romany people.  Have I missed a huge outcry about this relatively private Broadway tradition?  A Broadway “gypsy” is someone in the chorus who goes from show to show, city to city.  The tradition of the “gypsy robe” dates back to the Broadway production of Gentlemen Prefer Blondes in 1950.  A male chorister put on a robe and let everyone touch it.  He then sent the robe to Call Me Madam, where the choristers did a similar thing, except they attached a feather from Ethel Merman’s costume.  They passed it on to Guys and Dolls, etc.  The current tradition dictates that the robe goes to a Broadway show on opening night.  The chorister with the most Broadway credits wears it.  That chorister circles the stage three times while cast members touch it for good luck.  The robe wearer blesses each dressing room.  Finally, a memento from the show is affixed to the robe.  When a robe is filled with mementos, it is retired and exhibited in the New York Public Library for the Performing Arts, the Smithsonian, or at Actors’ Equity.  That’s the history.

Somehow, this use of the term “gypsy” has been mixed up with the derogatory term for the Romany people – as if the chorister in the robe is shaking a tambourine and reading palms!  The “gypsy robe” has as much to do with the Romany people as the “wandering Jew” has to do with Israel!  But, you know – some people want to sanitize anything that could offend two people.  Petra Gelbart, a curator at RomArchive, said, “The fact that the term ‘gypsy’ is so often used to denote free-spirited or traveling lifestyles has real-life repercussions for actual Romany people.”  Yes, I’m sure people often look down on free-spirited travelers!  I wondered where this would end.  Days later, Tom Viola from Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS announced that they would not change the name of Gypsy of the Year, an annual fundraiser where choristers and dancers raise millions of dollars to help those in need.  “Words have different meanings depending on the context in which they are used.  In our theatrical community, ‘the gypsy’ is beloved.”  Bravo!  Personally, I refuse to get behind any “gypsy” ban that hasn’t been officially sanctioned by Miss Mitzi Gaynor!

For now, we still have the hugely successful Easter Bonnet Competition which also benefits Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS.  I say “for now” because I’m sure some Wiccan or Zoroastrian will find the word “Easter” offensive.  Nonetheless, the racially insensitive fundraiser brought in a record 5.7 million dirty dollars.indeed.  

“Can I bum a fag?”  I’ve had my share of propositions, but this seemed more forward than most.  Not that I minded – I had just gotten off a transatlantic flight and never once employed the word “Ocupado”.  I was overdue.  Turns out, the gent simply wanted a cigarette.  Well, excuse me for hearing the words “bum” and “fag” and conjuring up a sexual image.  That got me thinking – in these days of rampant political correctness, should I be offended that the Brits call cigarettes “fags”?  Typically, hearing the word “fag” might elicit at least a raised eyebrow – much as Miss Vivien Leigh did in Gone with the Wind (a faggy reference if ever there was one).  However, since the word in this context had nothing to do with gay people, I wouldn’t blink if he screamed it in Leicester Square.

In our Ask Billy question, Jake in Baltimore asks, “I heard one of the guys in Black Panther did gay porn.  Who was it?  And do you have it?”

Shumba Patrick Mutukwa plays an unnamed border tribe warrior in Black Panther.  He was also hired to be a dialect coach since he was born in Zambia.  So it was like a dream come true – until it turned into a nightmare.  He was doing an interview when photos from his porno past surfaced!  The Zambian Observer wrote that Mutukwa is “actually a p*rn star in America who makes a living out of making p*rn0graph! material.”  Yes, that’s how they wrote it – which tells me a 12-year-old girl is writing for the Zambian Observer.  We did some skillful sleuthing and learned that in addition to some amateur solo flicks, he worked for Entertainment West Studios under the creative porn moniker of Shumba Jones.  On his social media page, Shumba Patrick calls himself an actor/fitness model/poet/singer/motivator – in short, the same description porn stars have used since the beginning of time.

In a statement released by his publicist, Shumba confirms the video: “Recently there was an unsavory video released of Shumba Mutukwa to the Zambian public from his 20s.  He was a young man that made a choice not all may agree with…Again, he was a young man himself and is not the same youthful person he was.”  Here’s the thing – he’s barely over 30.  The videos look awfully recent – some of the ones we found online claim to be only a year old.  So, how different of a person is he?  Well, I guess he’s an employed person – that’s a big difference.  The publicist adds, “He is not now, nor was he ever a gay porn actor.”  In fact, the publicist says Shumba made the videos with an ex-girlfriend and denied reports that it was a gay porn.  The publicist’s name?  Larissa Long.  You know who else is long?  Shumba Patrick Mutukwa!  According to one repository of solo videos, he clocks in at 11 inches uncut.  And, because I know you’ll want to see each and every inch, you can check him out on BillyMasters.com.

After Bette Midler left Broadway’s Hello, Dolly!, the hope was that the show would host a revolving door of legendary ladies for a few months at a time and play for years – like its initial run on Broadway.  We currently have Bernadette Peters on Broadway, and Betty Buckley will be helming the national tour.  So while theatre folk were wondering who would replace Bernadette when she left, it was announced that person would be…Bette Midler!  She will return to the show on July 17^th through August 25^th, when the show will close – allegedly.  I say that because I don’t believe it will necessarily close.  What if it continues to do good business?  What if someone comes up with an idea that could keep the show going?  What if Dolly Parton decides she wants to play Dolly?  What if Patti LaBelle is interested?  I believe producer Scott Rudin is bringing Bette Midler in for two reasons: 1) as a stalling tactic to see if the show has more life in it and B) To film it with the original cast.  He’s always wanted to record this for posterity, but logistically it couldn’t be done during Bette’s first go-round.  So why not do it now?  Especially since Bette is bringing back original cast members David Hyde Pierce and Gavin Creel.

Last week, Will Smith revealed that the one and only time he met Michael Jackson, they were both in the closet.  An ACTUAL closet.  It took place at the BET Awards.  Michael wanted to meet Will, so he went and hid in a utility closet and asked security to bring Will to him.  And that’s how Will and Michael ended up in the closet together.  If one of them ever had a dream of playing seven minutes in heaven, they got their wish!

Whoever said you can’t go home again wasn’t with Billy Masters last week.  As you know, I frequently visit the ancestral Masters Manor in Medford, Massachusetts.  In recent years, the city has rehabilitated Chevalier Auditorium, which was once part of the old high school.  Your beloved Billy spent countless hours of his childhood in this 1,900-seat venue, which is once again playing host to numerous acts of high regard.  I suspect that these people are told that they’re playing in the “sixth largest theatre in the Metropolitan Boston area”.  Then they get out of the car and say, “What the fuck is a Medford?”  When I saw that Wanda Sykes was there as part of the 9^th Annual Women in Comedy Festival, I knew it was a perfect time for us both to revisit our pasts.  For me, I got to roam around a theatre that played a big part in my life.  For Wanda, the memories may have been less pleasant.  Her last Boston gig was the 2016 Comics Come Home benefit, where she was roundly booed for her anti-Trump stance.  Now, in 2018, she had a new problem.  On the morning of the show, she woke up with no voice whatsoever.  But, being in Boston, she was able to go to Mass General Hospital and see the same doctor who treated Adele!  And that’s how, even with diminished vocal abilities, Miss Sykes got through a 90-minute set.  She was surely bolstered by the sold-out audience who cheered her on.  A few times she struggled and apologized, only to be met with calls of “We love you, Wanda”.  A great night for comedy, and a true exhibition of triumph of the human spirit.

A case with far less merit is the one against Dustin Lance Black for shoplifting.  My God – he wasn’t content being Roman Polanski, he now has to become Bess Myerson!  Allegedly, DLB was shopping at Woolworths in Australia – let that little tidbit sink in.  A gay man.  An Oscar winner.  Shopping in a Woolworths.  Now THAT’S a crime!  While he was browsing, he was being shadowed by store security.  “OMG!  Was just stopped and accused of shoplifting @woolworths in the Gold Coast!  Then out of countless folks with bags a search was demanded of mine.  Thanks for the warm welcome to #AUSTRALIA @woolworths!  Respect customers’ privacy much?  Shame.” 

We have time for a teensy weensy Ask Billy question.  Justin in Chicago said, “Is it true that Tom Daley had a dick slip while diving?  Tell me more – and show me the dick.”

Well, it wouldn’t be the first time his dick (or ass) featured prominently on BillyMasters.com.  But it is true.  The incident in question happened at the Commonwealth Games in Australia (site of that infamous Woolworths).  When Tom hit the water after his dive, his penis slipped out of its pouch.  And, yes, of course, we’ll post it on our website.

My dear friend Jenifer Lewis is continuing her tour of the country in order to promote her book, The Mother of Black Hollywood. While I was in NYC, she was in Baltimore.  And since she was in the neighborhood, she zipped to our nation’s capital to catch Patti LaBelle in concert.  Of course, Patti had to bring Jenifer onstage, who had to be coaxed into joining LaBelle for “Lady Marmalade”.  You can catch the video on BillyMasters.com.

Then Jenifer and I rendezvoused in Fort Lauderdale, where I joined her at several of her events.  In addition to meeting with hundreds of fans who came out to see her, buy a book, and take a photo, she put a day aside to meet with the students from Parkland and Liberty City to discuss what they had been through.  More than anything else, Lewis listened as they shared their stories of survival.  It was an emotional and cathartic meeting.

The next night, I celebrated Marilyn Maye’s 90^th birthday – and she performed for at least 90 minutes!  The capacity crowd at 54 Below included many familiar faces, including Tyne Daly, Christine Ebersole, Liz Callaway, David Hyde Pierce, Bob Mackie, Marc Shaiman, Scott Wittman, and oodles of others.  So many people wanted to join in the celebration, Auntie Marilyn’s entire run sold out moments after it was announced.  It was extended, and then the extension sold out.  Someone told me they hoped we’d be as good when we’re Marilyn’s age.  Doubtful – none of us are as good as her at ANY age!  And this was not simply an evening of nostalgia – Maye’s singing is better than ever.  Powerful, insightful, and touching.  You can see some clips from the show on BillyMasters.com.  I was glad to be there as Maye kicked up her heels – literally!

I skipped the Point Foundation gala to attend the Actors Fund benefit performance of When Pigs Fly.  As you may recall, this revue was slated to return to the off-Broadway stage last fall, but then the money fell through days before the first preview!  So this benefit not only raised money for Actors Fund, it gave the cast a chance to perform the show in front of a live audience – which was incredibly emotional for everyone.  The icing on the cake is that we finally got to see Bob Mackie’s incredible creations.  The legendary designer had completed about 75 percent of the costumes when work stopped.  He graciously allowed this production to use the completed outfits and, boy, were they amazing!  They were so spectacular, I worried they would overshadow the cast.  Imagine coming out of the theatre whistling the costumes!  Happily, the cast matched their accoutrements with a terrific performance that easily won the hearts of everyone (they’re also a pretty good-looking bunch of lads).  Hopefully someone will step up to produce this show and give even more people the chance to enjoy it.

Last week, the Point Foundation held a gala in NYC.  In case you don’t know, this organization provides scholarships to members of the LGBTQ community – often after they have been ostracized by their families.  This gala not only celebrated Point scholars and alumni, but also recognized leaders in the LGBTQ community.  The person who got the most attention was Ronan Farrow, who apparently came out.  Did I miss something?  Hasn’t he been out for years?  We may not know who his real father is, but we surely know he sucks dick!  As far as I’m concerned, this was a non-story.  But, eh, people who don’t read BillyMasters.com probably thought it was news.

Darin in Houston sent in this Ask Billy question: “I heard that Harry Styles performed somewhere in Europe with a cock ring.  Is it true?  Do you have videos or photos?”

While we don’t know exactly what was going on under Harry’s trousers, we can at least fill in a few gaps.  First, it happened in Munich, Germany.  Harry was wearing a snug purple suit and brandishing flags in both arms – apparently he thought he was a gay man in a disco in 1985 (were it 1975, he’d have had a tambourine).  As he arches his back, it does appear that a small cylindrical form pops from the front of his trousers.  But, upon closer inspection, a similar shape pops from the side as well.  This made me think it could be the pant pockets and the angle of the camera.  So we did more investigating, found a video from a different angle and, well, let’s just say you can see exactly what’s happening on BillyMasters.com.

Adam Rippon made a startling revelation about his love life.  He just announced that he’s been dating Jussi-Pekka Kajaala.  And, despite all his talk about Grindr, they actually met on Tinder – so I guess Grindr is where you go to hook up, but Tinder is where you go to find a boyfriend.  Adam met the Finnish realtor online about seven months ago.  At first, it was just chatter.  Then, they “started to hang out a little bit more, because we were both really busy.”  “Now that I’m even busier, I thought it was a better time to hang out.”  He went public with the news by posting a shirtless pic of the pair hiking in Runyon Canyon with the caption “Good boys Finnish first.”  Do they?

Adam’s time is even more precious these days…he’ll be competing on Dancing with the Stars.  Remember I told you that ABC was trying to woo the skater to join the “All Athletes” season, but Rippon was already committed to the Stars on Ice tour.  We hear that Adam and his dancing partner (who has not been named) will be rehearsing on the road and then flying to Los Angeles for the competition.  The Stars on Ice tour continues through May 20^th.

This special season of DWTS will be much shorter than usual.  It starts on April 30^th and will run for just four weeks – apparently ABC is only interested in airing it during May sweeps.  Joining Rippon on the DWTS journey will be snowboarder Jamie Anderson, softball player Jennie Finch, and, thank the Lord above, skater Tonya Harding.  Although the entire cast won’t be announced until Friday, April 13^th, may I ask a question?  Who does Greg Louganis have to whack before he’s invited to compete?

This week, Perez Hilton got himself in some hot water.  During a podcast, he offhandedly said that he would not put his son in dance class because – and this is a direct quote – “I think dance class can make your kid gay.”  While I never thought Perez was the sharpest knife in the drawer, I really didn’t know he was duller than a butter knife.  I would think he, of all people, would understand that either someone is gay or they aren’t.  But apparently Hilton thinks otherwise.  There was so much uproar after this comment, Perez made a video to address it.  “I would say a good amount, maybe 50 percent or more, of little boys who take dance class end up being gay…I don’t want to do anything that could potentially hurt him.”  This may come as a shock to Perez – while perception may be otherwise, the majority of professional dancers are actually straight!  And I say this having slept with quite a few of the gay ones (and, admittedly, also some of the straight ones).  The kicker to this whole story is that his son has expressed absolutely zero interest in studying dance!

In some cities, nude photos of a political candidate would be career suicide.  But some cities ain’t West Hollywood.  Last week, a candidate for WeHo City Council confirmed that the photos of him in flagrante delicto and performing various sexual acts are real, in order to – wait for it – “run an absolutely transparent campaign”.  I’m all for transparency, but this is ridiculous!  The candidate in question is Eric Jon Schmidt – and doesn’t that sound like the name of somebody you’d wanna see naked?  He has a profile on DudesNude which includes 23 photos, described by one outlet as “some solo and some featuring Schmidt with other men”.  And in case that wasn’t enough (and when is it ever?), the profile also includes six videos of Schmidt having sex.  I dunno about you, but I think a good sex video could really swing the election…in West Hollywood.

But don’t give Schmidt all the credit – he didn’t release the photos purposely.  A “reporter” (and these days, we use that term awfully loosely) contacted him and said, “I know about the DudesNude profile and I’m gonna run a story about it.”  Schmidt’s response?  “I’m not ashamed of it, so I wasn’t going to lie about it.”  All so civilized.  I think everyone will say it’s no big deal, but let’s see what happens on election day.  I should mention that Schmidt happens to have a special skill – he can “self suck”.  I would think that could sway some WeHo voters!  For the rest of you, check him out on BillyMasters.com.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Jason in San Francisco: “I just saw Game Over, Man! and couldn’t believe Adam DeVine was totally naked.  Do you have pics?  Was that all him?  And what about that gay sex scene?”

For the benefit of my readers who have no idea what Jason is talking about, Game Over, Man! is a movie Netflix released last week.  It’s sorta like a cross between The Hangover, Die Hard, and one of the later Cheech and Chong efforts.  It is true – Adam DeVine goes full frontal.  He also goes full backal.  That leads to more conversation about buttholes than I thought straight men had – but what do I know?  Anyway, he is hiding in a closet, not wearing any pants, and faking death by auto-erotic asphyxiation when two hit men come into the hotel room and decide to have sex!  It’ll all make sense if you ever watch the film!  Aside from DeVine, my attention was captured by the sight of the sizzling Steve Howey, who is playing one of the two hit men.  Of course, we’ve seen him nude before in Shameless, but it bears repeating.  You can see the full scene on BillyMasters.com.

You know who I enjoy?  Pietro Boselli, the Italian model whose career got a jump start while he was teaching math at University College London.  With each photo shoot, Pietro has been inching his way closer to posing completely nude.  How far has he gotten?  I’d say about six inches soft after seeing the latest pics on BillyMasters.com.

When Blanche Devereaux wanted to find rich men, she’d drive through the streets of Miami and rear-end them.  They’d ask who does good body work, and she’d give them her number.  Perhaps this Bieber incident will inspire a storyline on Silver Foxes – the gay male version of The Golden Girls.  The show, spearheaded by Stan Zimmerman and James Berg (who were writers on the original series), will feature Bruce Vilanch, George Takei, Leslie Jordan, Todd Sherry, Melissa Peterman, and Cheri Oteri – a stellar cast, indeed.  While getting anything on the air is a long shot, the show got a development deal from Super Deluxe, part of the Turner Broadcasting family. 

You may have seen headlines that an ABC on-air reporter came out as HIV-positive.  Certainly the dashing Karl Schmid looks familiar in that way I can’t quite place.  I knew he was either a Facebook friend, someone I saw on TV, or someone I had sex with.  Then I went through the archives on BillyMasters.com and saw that two years ago, the irrepressible Carson Kressley was openly flirting with Karl post-Oscars and then Tweeted him an invitation to go out.  Schmid is a 37-year-old Aussie who is on Los Angeles’ local ABC affiliate.  He says he’s wanted to come out earlier, but “industry professionals said, ‘Don’t!  It’ll ruin you’”.  So why now?  “I’m me.  I’m just like you.  I have a big heart and I want to be loved and accepted.  I may be on TV from time to time, but at the end of the day I’m just an average guy who wants what we all want.  To be accepted and loved by our friends and family and to be encouraged by our peers.  Labels are things that come and go but your dignity and who you are is what defines you.  I know who I am.  I know what I stand for and while in the past I may not have always had clarity, I do now.  Love me or hate me, that’s up to you.  But, for anyone who has ever doubted themselves because of those scary three letters and one symbol, let me tell you this, you are somebody who matters.”  Bravo!

Remember the case of Dame Olivia de Havilland against Ryan Murphy and FX over how she was portrayed in Feud?  Well, she scored a major victory.  She fought the network’s attempt to get the case thrown out of court, and won.  This was a win that sent shockwaves all over Hollywood – by siding with Dame de Havilland, the court was allowing a real person the right to dictate how they were portrayed.  This led to a rare demonstration of solidarity as many of the major studios and Netflix joined FX against the 101-year-old legend.  An appeal was quickly filed, claiming that the ruling “threatens to doom entire genres of fact-based motion pictures, including docudramas and biopics.”  It further stated that “Under the court’s logic, all unauthorized biographies would be unlawful.”  Wouldn’t that also endanger gossip columns?  Oh my God, will I have to go to court?  Will I have to testify against Livvy?  More importantly, what will I wear?  Just after we went to press, turns out the appeal was successful and the case was thrown out of court.  But that may not be the last of it.  We hear that Olivia is contemplating her options.

I recently came across a salacious headline.  “PORN SHOCK – Maths teacher outed as PORN star by pupils who googled him on their lunch break” – courtesy of The Sun in London.  The subheading said “Body builder Scott Sherwood was revealed as porn star Aaron Cage, who has starred in a number of X-rated films.”  If you continued halfway through the article, you found out that Scott/Aaron was a GAY porn star.  Apparently one of his students found clips from Gruff Stuff and Manpower on YouTube.  He commented, “That guy is my maths teach.  His real name is Scott Sherwood.  I’m scared.”  I’m not sure what he’s scared of – although Scott/Aaron is quite…well, sizable.  The uncle of one student discovered this situation when picking up his niece from school.  “I couldn’t believe my ears.  I was furious.  They had gathered round in the playground watching one of their phones.  As they found this stuff the crowd got bigger and bigger.”  It bears mentioning that the students at the school in East Sussex, England, are between 11 and 16, so perhaps this material is not for them. 

Last fall, we reported about the proposed off-Broadway revival of When Pigs Fly.  The revue, written by Howard Crabtree and Mark Waldrop with music by Dick Gallagher, was a sensation and won oodles of awards when it opened in 1996.  The original production ran for over two years and spawned companies around the world.  So it seemed a slam dunk when this revival was announced – and even more so when the legendary Bob Mackie signed on to do the costumes.  Then at the last minute, it was cancelled.  Allegedly the producers were “undercapitalized” (which means they ran out of money), and the cast and costumes were shelved…until now.  The Actors Fund is mounting a one-night-only concert on April 9^th at the Gerald Lynch Theatre at John Jay College in NYC.  The show will feature the new cast AND the costumes!  Grab what few tickets are left at ActorsFund.org.

I recently told you that Sex and the City star Cynthia Nixon was going to run for governor of New York.  At the time, many scoffed.  Now Cynthia has formally thrown her hat (does anyone still wear a hat?) in the ring.  And she’s running on the subway platform – literally!  “Our leaders are letting us down.  Something has to change.  We want our government to work again, on health care, ending mass incarceration, fixing our broken subways.”  News of her candidacy was met with derision.  Governor Cuomo said, “I’m hoping that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and Billy Joel don’t get into the race because if it’s just about name recognition, that would really be a problem.” 

The biggest insult came from NYC Council Speaker Christine Quinn.  “It’s a flight of fancy on her part.  Cynthia Nixon was opposed to having a qualified lesbian become mayor of New York City.  Now she wants to be an unqualified lesbian to be the governor of New York.”  Now, I don’t know much about Nixon.  But I know she was married to a man for 15 years and to a woman for five – so I say she’s qualified to do whatever the hell she wants.  I’m assuming Cynthia criticized Quinn (who is also a lesbian) when she was running for mayor of NYC.  Sounds like tit for tat – literally!  Nixon took the barb in stride.  “I just want to say tonight that she was technically right – that I don’t have my certificate from the Department of Lesbian Affairs.  Though, in my defense, there’s a lot of paperwork involved.”  

If the de Havilland suit is successful, where would that leave poor, unrecognizable Renee Zellweger?  The “actress” (and I use that term loosely) is in the midst of filming a Judy Garland biopic – because when I think of a triple threat, I think of Renee Zellweger.  The flick captures Garland a year before her death, while she was wrapping up a run of concerts at London’s Talk of the Town.  People are saying how much Zellweger looks like Garland in a carefully posed photo from the set, but I don’t see it.  Decide for yourself on BillyMasters.com.

In our quick Ask Billy question, Kevin in Rhode Island asks, “Who is the hot guy who married Fallon on Dynasty last week?  He looks like a model.”

Because he is a model!  His name is Adam Huber and he’s known for showing off quite a bit of skin, as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

Going back briefly to Leslie Jordan’s show.  At my table was acclaimed actor (and improv genius) Sam Pancake.  We’ve known each other for eons, but never really had any prolonged conversations until now.  So when he found out that my guest Kenny Morse was part of the original Broadway production of Grease and its first national tour, Sam was beyond thrilled.  “I love everything about Grease – in fact, I’m going to the special 35th anniversary screening of Grease 2 tomorrow!”  Uh, Leslie, could you keep it down?  I’m trying to find out details about this Grease 2 reunion.  Apparently it was the brainchild of Brian Herzlinger, the director of the film My Date with Drew, which is a sweet documentary about making your dreams come true.  One of Brian’s dreams was to see Grease 2 in a theatre with the original cast members – and he somehow made it happen. 

I immediately dashed home to try and secure a ticket.  Problem was, the show was sold out and there was no contact information anywhere.  Like all good dreamers, I was not deterred.  Through various machinations, I came up with Brian’s cell number, texted him, explained who I was (he’s straight), and asked for a ticket to the event that same night.  Balls?  Yup, I’ve still got ‘em!  You know what else I’ve got?  Tickets to the show!  I was mighty impressed that Maxwell Caulfield, who is appearing in the sold-out run of Hangmen in NYC, flew cross-country on his day off to attend – and the next morning, he flew back in a blizzard to do his evening show.  Meanwhile, that Pfeiffer chick couldn’t even begrudgingly drive 30 minutes and pretend to be gracious (her feelings about Grease 2 mirror how Halle feels about BAPS – something I found out the hard way).  Nonetheless, most of the cast was on hand, including director Patricia Birch, co-star Adrian Zmed, and most of the T-Birds and Pink Ladies.

Someone not at the event was Lorna Luft, who days earlier had collapsed backstage in London and has since been diagnosed with a brain tumor.  Christopher McDonald (one of the T-Birds) spoke with Lorna’s husband earlier in the day and told me she’s in good shape and was flying back to LA for more tests.  I thought back to when Liza had encephalitis and Lorna was pushing her in a wheelchair.  Now Lorna’s down, and Liza (who has moved to LA) might be the one helping out.  Who would have ever pegged Liza as the healthy sister?

Last week, I had the great fortune to see Leslie Jordan at the Catalina Bar & Grill in Hollywood doing his new show, Exposed.  In it, he tells tall tales and dishes everyone he’s ever met!  The show is an absolute delight from beginning to end, and the capacity crowd ate him up.  Bravo to producer Chris Isaacson for putting together such a swell event.  Should you ever get the chance to see Leslie Jordan in person, GO!

I also went to Rockwell Table & Stage last week to see the divine Charles Busch in his intimate cabaret show called, My Kinda 60s.  Accompanied by the solicitous Tom Judson, this pairing works beautifully because the audience loves them both.  In fact, love was the theme of the evening – from the songs, to the touching stories Charles shares.  Those stories especially stood out.  Above all, Charles is a raconteur, so this format works well, and you get just a glimpse of the genius he has to the tips of his glamorous fingers.  Speaking of glamour, I was quite taken with Busch’s fitted emerald green brocade pant suit, which he described to me as “very Helen Lawson” – and it is!

Every so often, Busch gets the itch to write and star in a play.  Happily, this is one of those times.  From April 4-29, Charles will star in The Confession of Lily Dare, which is described as “one woman’s passage from convent girl to glittering cabaret chanteuse to informed madam of a string of brothels.”  Sigh – a story as old as time.  It will play at the Theater for the New City in Manhattan.  These shows sell out quickly, so grab your tix fast at SmartTix.com.

This is a particularly prosperous period for Charles Busch.  It was just announced that a film is being made of his Broadway smash, The Tale of the Allergist’s Wife. In a bit of luxury casting, the two female roles will be played by Bette Midler and Sharon Stone – because when I think of comedy, I think of that wacky Sharon Stone!

It was quite a week for Anderson Cooper.  First, CNN announced that it was slashing his show in half to make room for the inestimable talents of Chris Cuomo – who we enjoyed so much during those hurricanes!  Days later, Cooper made an announcement: “Benjamin and I separated as boyfriends some time ago.  We are still family to each other, and love each other very much.  We remain the best of friends, and will continue to share much of our lives together.”  Before you shed a tear for the Cooper/Maisani breakup, fear not.  We hear that Coop is dating a dashing dude from Dallas named Victor Lopez, who is a 33-year-old radiologist.  This should not surprise anyone who remembers when Anderson was a guest on Andy Cohen’s show in July.  When playing a game, Andy was asked what was Anderson’s biggest turn-on.  The answer?  “Latinos!”

As luck would have it, Andy Cohen just revealed that he is also single, having broken up with Harvard grad student Clifton Dassuncao (who is Brazilian, which I suppose also means Andy is turned on by Latinos).  When asked to describe his ideal mate, Cohen said, “Someone who’s very independent, someone who has their own thing going on.  Maybe someone who’s never seen The Real Housewives.”  Anderson, you were SO close.

We have time for a very brief Ask Billy question.  Roger in Chicago asks, “Did you see Darren Criss’ ass on American Crime Story?  Isn’t it perfect?  Tell me you saved it and will post it.”

I saw, I saved, I posted – on BillyMasters.com.

When I’m quoting Julius Caesar (but not in the original Latin), it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Speaking of “In Memoriam”, we have another death to report.  Billy Herrington was a HUGE porn star in the ‘90s.  For years he had struggled with various addictions.  About a year ago, he cleaned up his act and even just got his one-year chip.  Life was great and then, bam, killed in a car accident last week.  Rest in peace.  For the latest gossip, be sure to check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that doesn’t have a “no penis clause”!  If you have a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to back to you before Mike Pence buys a ticket to see Kathy Griffin at the Kennedy Center!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Meanwhile in lovely downtown Vatican City, the Holy See is being rocked by yet another sex scandal.  At the center of the trial is Father Luca Morini, who is accused of corruption.  It all started when he contacted Francesco Mangiacapra, a male escort.  According to Mangiacapra, Morini spent hundreds of thousands of Euros which he got out of parishioners and superiors in the Catholic Church.  When Mangiacapra realized what was going on, he contacted the archdiocese, but nothing was done.  Then he called the local news.  Suddenly, Morini was removed from his church due to “sickness”.  Allegedly, the Church bought him an expensive villa, hired a maid, and paid all his expenses.  It’s said that Morini blackmailed a bishop into taking care of him after he threatened “to expose to the public eye unpleasant facts about many diocesan priests.”  Mangiacapra has produced a 1,200-page dossier which names names, and provides additional documentation – including photos and videos of Morini snorting cocaine and cavorting with male hookers.  It also includes evidence against 60 other priests.  “The goal isn’t to hurt the people I’ve mentioned, but to help them understand that their double life isn’t useful to them or to the people who rely on them for guidance.”  He also claims that no minors were involved.  “We’re talking about sins, not crimes.  I only want this out so that these people will stop preaching hatred towards gays,” says Mangiacapra. 

Gus Kenworthy had a brief encounter with Ricky Martin at the Oscars – so brief that Gus took to Instagram to try and extend it.  His post is titled Craigslist Missed Connection and goes like this: “Living La Vida Lonely – m4m (LA, California).  Us: we were wearing black Ralph Lauren tuxedos, mine had little cowboys on it.  You: You were also both wearing tuxedos because…well, because it was the Oscar’s and everybody does.  You and your husband stood out though.  Partly because you’re both gorgeous but also because you’re literally @ricky_martin.  The four of us chatted and laughed but then, sadly, got separated in the chaos of the Oscar’s.  My bf and I searched for you both for the rest of the night but never found you again.  In town for a week.  Let’s connect.”  When asked about it on The Talk, Ricky called Gus a “national treasure”, and said “We will definitely connect.”  Kenworthy Tweeted, “Clears the schedule for the rest of the week”.  I smell a four-way…among other things!

While in LA, Gus was photographed with RuPaul, so I’m sure a guest judging appearance on RuPaul’s Drag Race is in the offing.  And I suppose he could turn up on DWTS.  But one gig is a definite – he’ll be the celebrity Grand Marshal for the 10^th Anniversary Miami Beach Gay Pride Parade, which takes place on April 8^th.

Our gay Olympians were also at the Oscars.  Gus Kenworthy was with his equally hot beau Matt Wilkas, while Adam Rippon was with his best friend, fellow figure skater Mirai Nagasu.  In terms of Rippon, everyone focused on the fact that he was wearing a leather harness, which I believe was of the slave variety (but I’m no expert).  Days later, Andy Cohen asked him what he looks for in a man.  He said he wants someone who goes to the gym and has a job.  Then Brandi Glanville piped in, “He needs a rough top”.  Adam quickly added, “Why not?”  Something tells me they’ll have to get in line behind Cohen.

Many people are wondering if Rippon will be invited to compete on the upcoming athletes-only edition of Dancing with the Stars.  While we hear ABC really wants him, I suspect it is unlikely.  The show starts on April 30^th, and the dancers begin practicing two weeks before that.  Adam is already scheduled to tour with Stars on Ice from April 6^th through May 20^th.  So, unless he’s gonna commute back and forth, I highly doubt it. 

Might I remind ABC that Greg Louganis has been begging to be on DWTS for years.  If ever there were a season where he’d fit in perfectly, it’s this one.  An Olympic champion, a legend, and gay – sign him up!  

Speaking of Brits with an anal entry, onto Tom Daley (sorry, I couldn’t resist).  Remember when those nasty photos of him on all fours were leaked?  At the time, we heard there were more photos floating around, and now we’ve got the flip side.  While his face is not visible, the locale, the bed, the linens, and the body all seem to line up perfectly.  You can do your own forensic exam on BillyMasters.com.

Any gay who wasn’t in Hollywood was on the other side of the world celebrating the 40^th annual Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras in Sydney, where the headliner was Cher.  Leave it to the Dark Lady to surprise people by showing up on the street in an orange wig to watch the parade!  The situation got even more surreal when the Qantas float turned up playing “If I Could Turn Back Time” and featuring dozens of Cher impersonators and hot boys dressed like sailors!  Cher, known for being able to pick up a cue, joined the group on the float to thunderous cheers from the crowd.  Later in the night, Cher donned a white wig and gown for the show – at least to start.  Because, you know, you can’t have a Cher show without a costume change.  For her encore of “If I Could Turn Back Time”, she changed into a more modest version of the infamous thrashed black bodysuit from the music video and sported a large black curly wig.  You can watch her entire performance on BillyMasters.com.

By now you’ve all seen it – Bonnie and Clyde returned to the scene of the crime.  Faye and Warren once again gave out the Best Picture Oscar.  Looking somewhat embalmed, Faye managed the impossible – she made Eva Marie Saint appear positively youthful!  The duo kept the witty repartee to a minimum, which is probably all for the best.  Needless to say, envelopes were triple-checked before the couple went on stage – and by the winner.  God willing, this will be Dunaway and Beatty’s final Academy Awards appearance until they turn up In Memoriam.

Since the Oscars actually happened as we went to press, I’m not going to go into lots of detail.  But here are some random thoughts about this year’s ceremony.  I loved the set.  I noticed velvet tuxes are back in vogue (it was pretty chilly here).  I would have given the shortest speech in history if Dame Helen came with the jet ski.  I felt so bad for that poor filmmaker who risked life and limb getting out of Aleppo to attend the Oscars for nothing.  You know some big queen is the one who planned for the orchestra to play “Besame Mucho” when Rita Moreno came out.  And speaking of Rita, how fabulous that she showed up wearing the same dress she wore when she won in 1962!  Please, let Tiffany Haddish and Maya Rudolph host a show someday.  Lastly, did Jane Fonda get caught in the Santa Ana winds on her way to the Oscars?  For a second, I thought Dina Merrill had come back from the dead!

Over the years, I have wormed my way into some of the biggest events in Hollywood – including the Oscars.  Usually I’m invited.  Many times, I’m not.  But I don’t let things like credentials stop me.  Worming my way through underground tunnels, using the service elevator, even climbing up the side of a mountain are just some of the tricks of the trade.  But I have to tip my hat to Diana Ellis (or, we should say for legal reasons, a person associated with Miss Ellis).  Someone made up a Gmail account in the name of Armie Hammer’s wife – Elizabeth Chambers.  An e-mail was sent from this account to the people running the Vanity Fair party.  The person posing as Chambers asked if the couple could bring a guest to the party.  The guest’s name?  Diana Ellis.  The person then made an unusual request – since Miss Ellis would be arriving on her own, could she have a separate invitation sent to her home?  This sounded suspicious, so the party planners got in touch with the Hammers.  Not surprisingly, they never heard of Miss Ellis and had no intention of bringing a guest!  Here’s the twist – Mrs. Hammer is suing Miss Ellis for “misappropriating her name and personal information and violating her privacy”.  

“The Universe has a way of taking care of the good people, you know what I mean?“  
– Taraji P. Henson to Ryan Seacrest on the Oscars red carpet.  Was it a slam to Seacrest or a message of support? 
I thought she was being sweet, but people online think otherwise.

In general, I believe people are innocent until proven guilty.  Conversely, there are certain things I believe for no particular reason, and you wouldn’t be able to convince me otherwise even with incontrovertible facts.  That’s my long way of saying with a fair amount of certainty that there is no truth to these allegations against Ryan Seacrest.  For those of you who don’t know, Suzie Hardy was Seacrest’s personal stylist at E! from 2007 to 2013.  She says during those years, she endured numerous incidents of sexual harassment – and, according to her statement, when human resources at E! questioned her (they came to her – she did not go to them), she was promptly fired.  Once, when she was on the ground tying Ryan’s shoes – and let the absurdity of that statement sink in – Ryan allegedly pushed Suzie’s face into his crotch.  In an even more lurid encounter, Suzie claims that when Ryan was clad in only underwear, he got so aroused looking at her, he had a visible erection.  I’m not sure which is more absurd – that Ryan’s erection is EVER visible, or that it could be caused by a woman!

How this story affected the Oscars is quite interesting.  For the first time ever, the bulk of E!’s red carpet interviews were pre-taped.  Why?  To avoid any embarrassing comments going out on live TV.  So what basically happened is the wranglers would grab a star to talk to Ryan.  Before they came over, he’d throw it over to Giuliana Rancic, who was on the roof across the street.  Ryan would do the interview.  If it went well, Giuliana would say, “Let’s go back to Ryan, who is talking to Christopher Plummer” – perhaps a bad example, because I’m not sure Chris knew who Ryan was.  Then E! would roll in the Plummer interview as if it were live.  Given the circumstances, we’re pleased to hear that Giuliana voiced her objection over saying things like, “Unexpected moments happen on the red carpet, and you will see them live only on E!”.  But, say it she did.  The bottom line is that E!’s pre-show featured very few major stars talking to Ryan – in fact, all five Best Actress nominees simply demurred.

Speaking of Chita, I zipped to our nation’s capital to see a couple of special theatrical events.  The first was the National Symphony performing a truncated concert version of West Side Story.  This almost nonsensical rendition decimated the story to the point that many people couldn’t figure out what was happening!  But it did underline the genius of Leonard Bernstein’s score and Stephen Sondheim’s words.  One expected that an entire symphony orchestra and some of Broadway’s finest young talents would deliver a high-wattage evening, but everything was on a low simmer and never came to a boil.  It was West Side Story Lite – although the staging by Francesca Zambello kept things moving.  In a typical production in a small house, these voices would likely have been fine.  But, given the sound mix, nobody quite rose to the level of the event.  A missed opportunity, indeed.

The following night, I saw the latest revision of the musical Chess, with a new book by Danny Strong and direction by Michael Mayer.  And once again, an all-star cast was on hand, led with aplomb by Raúl Esparza playing Freddy.  While I missed his acerbic take as the Arbiter (the role he played in Seth Rudetsky’s Broadway concert version in 2003), there’s no denying he’s a terrific Freddy, with rock star abandon and swagger balancing out the quieter bipolar moments.  It was a magnetic performance.  Ramin Karimloo may be the best all-around Anatoly I’ve ever seen – complete with a consistent Russian accent!  As Florence, Karen Olivo showed us exactly what was missing from the previous night.  She’s not lost any power, bite, or presence since her 2009 Tony-winning Anita in WSS.  For me, Ruthie Ann Miles was the weakest link.  Her Svetlana looked like a refugee from the mid-90s Moscow bus and truck tour of Miss Saigon – as the matinee cover for Kim!  Was she bad?  No – just not up to the standard of her colleagues.  The theatre had electricity in the air.  Every entrance, every number, every moment was met with a roar of applause, making it quite an “event”.  Has Strong fixed the show?  Nope – he’s solved some problems, but created others.  After seeing this, I’m more certain than ever that a perfect Chess is impossible.  But it’s still a helluva great evening of theatre.

The day after my birthday, I went to The Wallis in Beverly Hills to see BOTH shows by Patti LuPone and Seth Rudetsky.  Patti was in spectacular voice – in fact, she was even better the second show.  Since it was days after the Grammys, she told the story behind her appearance in the tribute to Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber.  Before she started, she said, “Is there any press in the audience?  I dunno if I should tell this story if there’s press in the audience.”  After a bit of prodding, she said, “Just don’t print it….oh, go ahead, what the hell,” followed by “No, don’t”.  So, I’m taking that as a yes.  When War Paint was on Broadway, NY1 (a local channel) did a piece on their Sunday morning program about the show.  When the interviewer asked Patti about Lloyd Webber, she said that she thought Andrew was mentally unstable.  Within days, she got a cease-and-desist letter from famed lawyer Bert Fields – who has represented such sane people as Tom Cruise and John Travolta.  She consulted with a lawyer who told her that she could legally express her opinion, so she was in the clear.  Then Lloyd Webber got involved and said it didn’t bother him.  Fast forward a month, and Patti gets a call from her manager saying the Grammys wanted her to sing “Don’t Cry For Me Argentina”.  Patti’s response was, “Does Andrew Lloyd Webber know?  If he doesn’t, don’t tell him!”  The manager said Andrew knows, and he’s thrilled!  So maybe he is mentally unstable (interestingly enough, he just admitted to considering suicide three times during bouts of depression).  Back to Patti – they had a nice rehearsal (she says when she said the word “détente”, she meant it would last one day – like a day-tente).  After the show, Andy sent her a very nice note and also left her a complimentary voicemail.  Why Andrew Lloyd Webber has Patti LuPone’s phone number and I don’t is a mystery of monumental proportions.

Typically, Seth gets Patti to sing different songs when they do back-to-back shows.  This time, there was quite a bit of duplication.  The exceptions tended to be the highlights.  In the first show, we got “As Long As He Needs Me” from Oliver, and “Ladies Who Lunch” from the upcoming gender-bender London production of Company, where Patti will play Joanne.  Most people hoped for a surprise appearance from Mandy Patinkin since days earlier, Patti was a special guest when he got his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.  Alas, Mandy was a no-show at the concert.  But the swoonable Peter Gallagher joined Patti for “Old Fashioned Wedding” from Annie Get Your Gun (which they did in concert at Lincoln Center in 1998).  In the second show, we got “Meadowlark”, “Anything Goes”, the Magaldi duet and “Buenos Aires” (assisted by Adam Hunter) , and “Being Alive”.

Since it was Valentine’s Day, many couples turned up for Patti.  At the first show, Sean Hayes and Scott Icenogle were there, as were newlyweds Gary Janetti and Brad Goreski.  For the second show, Jesse Tyler Ferguson and his hubby Justin Mikita showed up, as were our soon-to-be West Hollywood Mayor John Duran and my husband, porn legend Kurt Young.  After everything was over, I bumped into Noah Wyle with a woman on each arm.  And all I could think about was when I first started writing this column, I talked about Noah taking a trip across Europe with his male friend and implied (in that innocent way that I have) that perhaps they were more than “friends”.  In the National Enquirer, Noah called me “that gossipmonger”.  So seeing him made my heart go pitter-pat.

Seth returns to The Wallis on March 29^th for two shows with Chita Rivera.  Grab your tickets now at TheWallis.org.

“I’ve been trying and I just can’t get pregnant.”  
– Nate Berkus describes the efforts he and hubby Jeremiah Brent have had in providing a sibling for
their 2-year-old daughter, Poppy.  Thanks for playing another spirited round of Who’s the Bottom?.

Tom Daley and Dustin Lance Black made a big announcement on Valentine’s Day – they’ve hired a surrogate and are having a child.  To make it official, they posted the ultrasound on Instagram.  And I say – with almost no trace of sarcasm – good for them.  Alas, this news has led to many people online attacking the couple.  Some of it seems to be homophobia and jealousy (let’s face it, both of these guys are pretty hot), but some are attacking them for bringing a child into a relationship destined for failure due to their less-than-stellar fidelity, and the diver not being much more than a child himself.  And I say – in all sincerity – mind your own business!  If we stopped every good-looking couple in a doomed relationship from having children, where would my future boyfriends come from?

I knew it was a matter of time before someone asked this “Ask Billy” question.  Steve in Miami says, “We miss you in Hot Spots.  But since I still read you online, I’ve been wondering when you would address the sexual assault charges against Topher DiMaggio.  Are they true?  I mean, he’s totally hot – who’s saying no to him?”

First, I miss my SoFla fans and hope to be back in print with you again very soon.  But, I will be back in town for the Winter Party.  Many gay men find it hard to imagine anyone not wanting to have sex with Topher DiMaggio.  But, regardless of how hot someone is, no means no.  According to reports, the underwear model (and occasional gay porn star) has been accused of verbal harassment, sexual assault, and even rape.  His fellow gay porn star, Tegan Zayne, claims that the night before they were going to shoot a scene, Topher pressured him into having sex.  DiMaggio responded, saying, “These horrific accusations have shocked me to my core.  All of my relations with this person have been consensual and willing.”  I wonder how many people helped him string those words together.

Shortly after Zayne went public, two other men accused Topher of rape.  Then two more accused him of sexual assault.  One of those attacks allegedly took place at an event in Seattle that Andrew Christian was hosting!  None of this is good news for the underwear giant – especially since DiMaggio (a name I doubt appears on any official paperwork) is the face…er, body of the brand.  Christian says Topher is on “indefinite suspension while we look into the matter”.  I doubt he’s suffering financially – that’s what I hear from several people who claim to have paid for his services.  In case you’re interested in seeing what they get for their money, check out BillyMasters.com.