Madonna Bombs Tel Aviv

With the release of Rocketman, director Dexter Fletcher has revealed his next dream subject.  “I’d do Madonna.  That sounds like a real rollercoaster ride!  It would be extraordinary.  I don’t know how happy she’d be about that.  But what an extraordinary life that would be.  If I was to tackle any other icon like that, it would be her.  She’s extraordinary.”  Anyone looking to buy Dexter a gift might consider a thesaurus.  It would be…“extraordinary”.

Speaking of Madge, I was shocked to see her performance on the Eurovision finals live from Tel Aviv (and I’m talking about the real live performance you can see on, not the doctored performance on most other websites).  What in the name of everything holy was she thinking?  First, she comes out wearing that ridiculous eye patch (she’s apparently still channeling Madame X, or perhaps it was a misguided tribute to Moshe Dayan).  Then there was “Like a Prayer”, not the hardest song to sing.  The word “caterwauling” comes to mind.  Frankly, I think William Hong could have done a better job!  As she cavorted onstage with kids the square root of her age, it hit me – she’s turning into Mamie Van Doren.  For you youngsters, Mamie was a sex symbol in the ‘50s and ‘60s.  As she got older, she couldn’t quite let go of the pin-up image and continued to wear questionable outfits for her age and body type, culminating in a shocking photo session in her backyard, where the 80-year-old danced around topless, wearing an Indian headdress.  Even more shocking, the photographer for the session was her son!  That goes above and beyond filial duties if you ask me.  I don’t think Rocco is in danger, but I think David better sleep with one eye open!

By the by, since there are no new ideas in Hollywood, MGM has announced that they will produce a feature film about the life of Boy George.  I have one word for them – Taboo.

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