Now let’s get back to me.  As I was being prepped for surgery, a Filipino nurse took my blood pressure and said, “WOW, that’s high.”  Not what you want to hear before they roll you into the OR.  Before he took it a second time, he asked me to extend my arm so that it was horizontal with the floor.  His computer was on a rolling, portable desk with a shelf that held a basket of patient charts – roughly at my shoulder level.  He had me rest my arm there, and then my pressure was a less alarming 115/80.  “PHEW – that’s better,” he said.  “That’s because you had me hold onto your basket,” I quipped.  There was less laughing when my surgeon came in with the sniffles!

Regardless, I’m alive, but confined to my bed – and in a sling (which is not nearly as much fun as you’d think).  But even in my compromised state, I am still entertaining the masses…albeit rockin’ one arm.  While most print publications are taking a break, new columns will appear every week on BillyMasters.com.  I’ll even be posting more on Facebook.com/Filth2Go.  We’re planning some live events with friends, tentatively beginning on Tuesday at 3PM EST.  I was inspired by pals Seth Rudetsky and James Wesley, who are doing great things online every day for the Actors Fund.  They’re at 2PM, I’m at 3PM – no conflict there.  And what a great lead-in.

Now that the rest of you are self-quarantining, I feel like we’re on the same page.  We’re separate, but together – my favorite kinda relationship.  Still, how much fun can you have alone?  As luck would have it, The Sun in the UK has given us a helpful tip to combat illness – masturbation!  Yes, according to unnamed experts who surely don’t exist, jerking off will allegedly boost your immune system and raise your white blood count.  I still suggest vigorously washing your hands with soap and hot water first. After all, you don’t know where you’ve been!