Who is Biggest?

Our Ask Billy comes from Ryan in Maine.  “I heard that some guy claims Justin Bieber has a huge cock.  What do you think?”

This story got started by a personal trainer named Rick Morrison. While he admits to having never worked with the Biebs, that hasn’t stopped him from expressing an opinion (who does he think he is?  Me?).  He claims to have seen the pop star coming out of the shower wearing a towel.  Later, while walking through the locker room, he spied the Canadian “butt ass naked.  I mean, junk hanging out and everything.”  Obviously this could be an awkward moment which requires, perhaps, an apology.  Rick simply said, “Shit, Bieber, you just made me so insecure” – which tells us more about Rick than about Justin!  When people online questioned the veracity of this report based on the flaccid photos we’ve all seen, Morrison said, “I’ve seen plenty of naked celebs in the locker room before.  Shawn Mendes, Adam Levine…but no one was ever that damn blessed.”  May I ask the location of this gym where one sees naked male celebs walking to and fro?  Regardless, here’s one rule I live by – unless you’ve seen someone’s penis erect, you have no idea what they’re working with.  I have not seen Bieber’s penis erect.  Soft, I can say with the utmost certainty that it’s nothing to write home about – if you’re given to writing prose about a penis.  Should you be interested in checking out his flaccid phallus, we’ll oblige on BillyMasters.com.

With all this talk about penii, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  Finally – some of the old normalcy is back!  Now, when will I get back to sleeping with fans?  The only way to know for sure is to check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site where we’re offering special subscriptions to aid and abet you (until I can abed you).  Don’t forget, we’ve got those TV shows every Tuesday and Thursday at 3PM Eastern.  If you have a question or a guest you’d like to see, e-mail me at Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before I give you a video tour of my “basement”!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

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