“Gay man has too much to drink and legally changes name to Celine Dion.”  
– New Year’s Day headline from England.  Not only is it embarrassing, it’s woefully out of date. 
I mean, Celine Dion – how retro!

I know we’re only a few days into 2021, but it seems an awful lot like 2020.  Then again, last year started very differently than it ended, so perhaps there’s hope.  Pandemic or not, traditions must be upheld.  While I would typically have a raucous viewing party of Lindsay Wagner’s latest oeuvre, Big Mama Masters allows no visitors into Casa Masters.  Instead, I was at the home of a friend in my “bubble”.  When we sat down to watch a Wagner flick (courtesy of a fan), we discovered the DVD was damaged in the post.  As luck would have it, this friend asked me last year if I could track down a 1977 made-for-TV retelling of It’s a Wonderful Life – suspiciously titled It Happened One Christmas.  So we watched my bootleg copy of this forgotten film, starring Marlo Thomas, Wayne Rogers, Orson Welles, and Cloris Leachman as Clara the Angel (with the worst Cockney accent this side of My Fair Lady).  While not what I’d call a “classic”, it passed the time adequately.

On TV, we saw Mariah Carey pop in on Coop and Cohen, winched into one of her 9-year-old daughter’s dresses.  If she inhaled, she’d have popped out in HD!  Meanwhile, Ryan Seacrest looked positively petrified on ABC, while Jennifer Lopez appeared dismayed that someone actually turned her mike on.  And in case you don’t know, the few people in Times Square were actually invited first responders.  Oh, those poor people.

Elsewhere on New Year’s Eve, the family of El Presidente partied like it was 1999 – literally.  With nary a mask in sight (I’m told they were banned), the entertainment was straight out of the ‘90s – people like Terri Nunn from Berlin, Vanilla Ice, and Taylor Dayne (who had just been on Billy Masters LIVE).  The gays took umbrage at the participation of Terri and Taylor – very popular acts on the Pride circuit.  Boycotts were called for – much like when Jennifer Holliday considered singing at El Presidente’s Inauguration.  While I cannot speak of the others, I do know that Taylor used the opportunity of a plum paycheck and private jet to visit her ailing parents in the Mar-a-Lago vicinity.  Not an excuse, but an explanation.

Closer to the Equator, Jeffrey Sanker threw a party for gay revelers.  At first, I thought perhaps Puerto Vallarta was allowing gatherings.  However, in the state of Jalisco, parties are banned.  But Nuevo Vallarta (in the neighboring state of Riviera Nayarit) allowed them.  The festivities were moved, with enforced limited capacity, temperature checks, and mandatory masks.  As a further precaution, Sanker asked revelers to keep the address secret and banned photos and videos.  That didn’t stop people from sending snaps into BillyMasters.com.