Last Will and Testament

Nothing would make me happier than never having to type the words “Will” and “Smith” consecutively again.  After this week, we promise to put his name to rest…kinda like a dead name, but without needing to shop for a new wardrobe.  It’s been quite a week for Smith.  First, his wife threw him under the bus – alas, a metaphorical bus.  A Jada insider (and that limits the candidates to a few dozen) claims that she did not instigate Will bitch-slapping Chris Rock, nor did she condone it.  “She’s not one of these women that needs protecting,” says the source.  But it does bring up a question that only I would dare ask: What kind of “wife” just sits there when her “husband” gets up on international live television to attack someone on stage?  A typical spouse would do anything to stop him.  And yet, the first thing we heard from Jada is that she would tell all on a special edition of Red Table Talk – which is like a more combustible version of Billy Masters LIVE

After Will was smacked down by his “wife”, the Academy slapped him on the wrist.  He had already resigned from the Academy.  They then ruled that he can be nominated for Oscars for his work.  He can even win Oscars for his work.  But he cannot attend the Oscars for a period of 10 years.  You know what that means?  Jada will be taking out an ad in The Hollywood Reporter which will read something like this: “Seasoned actress willing to do anything for tickets to televised awards show.  MUST be interviewed on red carpet and be seated within three rows of the stage.  Presenting a plus.  Payment (via nature’s credit card) directly commensurate with the number of camera shots used during the telecast.”  Might I be so bold as to suggest this has Mel Gibson written all over it!

To make matters worse, one of Jada’s alleged paramours, rapper August Alsina, is reportedly shopping around his memoirs.  We hear there is a bidding war amongst publishers…and a certain actor-rapper, who is said to be offering to pay multiple millions to keep the tell-all off the shelves.  Stay tuned…

 

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