Could it be that Harry Styles’ penis has its own agent?  If not, it should.  With two movies coming out featuring love scenes with both men and women, Styles didn’t want to make a wrong move.  So what did he do?  He had a penis clause written into his contract.  “I wasn’t naked in Don’t Worry Darling.  I was naked in My Policeman.  There’s no peen in the final cut.  There’s bum bum.”  When pressed about the “peen”, Harry added, “I don’t think the peen was intended to be involved.  The peen, it was pre-negotiated that that would remain my own.”

When we’re discussing the ownership of Styles’ penis, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  I don’t know – was ownership ever an issue?  Couldn’t we simply rent the peen?  Or perhaps sublet it?  Maybe that would lead to a squatter situation.  Which begs the question – would it be possible to squat on Harry Styles’ peen?  While I look into that, you can check out a lovely assortment of other peens on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that will have you looking in more than One Direction.  Should you wish to contact me for any peen or non-peen reason, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before SNL hires Queen Elizabeth II as one of their Not Ready for Primetime Players!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.