“31 years ago in 1992, Brendan Fraser and Ke Huy Quan were in
a movie together…two actors from Encino Man are nominated
for Oscars.  Incredible night it must be for the two of you,
and what a very difficult night for Pauly Shore!”
– Jimmy Kimmel during his Oscars monologue.

In a few weeks, Big Daddy Masters will turn 90.  And, with all due respect, I’m not so interested in his opinion on the latest films.  And yet, here we are – obsessed with the Oscars at 95.  Here are some of my observations.  Where is Kelly McGillis?  She is the most MIA woman since Shelly Miscavige!  There’s no question that Jamie Lee Curtis is Hollywood royalty.  Her win was quite touching, and how nice it was that she kept her Golden Globes under wraps up for a change.  I think she may have lent her designated dress to Eva Longoria!  And, say what you will – Hugh Grant is the best looking scrotum I’ve ever seen…and I’ve seen more than my share of scrotums! 

We learned a few things from this year’s Academy Awards.  In these divided times, I think we can all agree that nobody is funnier than Malala.  Clearly she’s the Lucille Ball of Pakistan!  And those Daniels – they are without a doubt the cutest couple to win Best Original Screenplay since Ben and Matt.  And, in case there was any doubt, we now know definitively that being murdered on the set does not guarantee making the cut for the In Memoriam packet.

By the by, Alec Baldwin’s lawyer claims that the gun used by the actor on the set of Rust was destroyed.  The Santa Fe DA has refuted that claim.  “The gun Alec Baldwin used in the shooting that killed Halyna Hutchins has not been destroyed by the state.  The gun is in evidence and is available for the defense to review.”  By the by, the film is preparing to resume shooting…er, “filming” next month.  At the same time, a documentary about Hutchins is being readied – “with the full support of the production”.

Leading up to the Oscars, we had Chris Rock’s much-anticipated comedy special Selective Outrage.  Chris uses this term to discuss Will Smith – claiming that while the Fresh Prince took umbrage at Rock’s GI Jane joke, his anger really stemmed from Mrs. Smith sleeping with her son’s friend.  A novel theory and one I’m certainly not qualified to comment on.  The ladies of The View were quick to point out that Mrs. Smith was never named by Rock – so at least he heeded Will’s warning to “keep my wife’s name out of your fucking mouth”.  I certainly can appreciate a clapback to a slapback – especially with a $40 million payday!