Timberlake Goes Down

“I got your back, kid.”  
Harrison Ford‘s response when Anne Heche told him she was considering coming out around the time
their film Six Days, Seven Nights was being released.  This anecdote is part of a longer essay in
The Hollywood Reporter by public relations guru Simon Halls (that’s Mr. Matt Bomer to you).

Last week, Donald Sutherland died at the age of 88.  Typically, this is not something I’d cover in this column – certainly not as a lead story.  However, I was struck by this line in the New York Times obituary.  “With his long face, droopy eyes, protruding ears and wolfish smile, the 6-foot-4 Mr. Sutherland was never anyone’s idea of a movie heartthrob.”  Is there any need for that?  Sure, they went on to say fantastic things about his talent, but at that point, who cares?  I imagine my obituary will say, “Never what anyone would call conventionally attractive…”  They’d probably follow that up with, “He had romantic liaisons with many famous men,” or “He slept with lots of gay porn stars,” or even, “He was known to have an enormous appendage.”  But after that opening, who cares?  On the other hand, the next line of Donald’s obit says this: “He often recalled that while growing up in east Canada, he once asked his mother if he was good-looking.  ‘No, but your face has a lot of character.’”  Thanks, Mrs. Sutherland.  That’s like Mrs. Lizzo saying, “For a big girl, you don’t sweat much!”


Then there’s the arrest of Justin Timberlake.  So much misinformation out there, we’re going to bring you a few facts first.  On June 18th at 12:37AM, police in Sag Harbor (Hamptons adjacent, you know) observed a 2025 BMW go through a stop sign.  They also noted the car did not stay in its lane.  They pulled the car over and found Mr. Timberlake “operating his vehicle in an intoxicated condition”.  Justin was arrested, processed, held in a cell until arraignment, and was released at 9:30AM.  In the mug shot (which you can see on BillyMasters.com), he looks glassy-eyed…although still better than most of us look after retouching.  Shortly after this all went public, someone posted an official-looking report that he “had traces of molly, poppers, Truvada, and coke in his bloodstream.”  Untrue – if for no other reason than we know no blood was taken…and nothing comes back from the lab that quickly.  However, it IS true that while he was being booked, Justin said under his breath, “This is going to ruin the tour.”  The booking officer said “What tour?”  Yes, Justin is so old (go ahead – “How old is he?”), the cop didn’t even know who he was!  Timberlake is due for a virtual court appearance on July 26th – ironically, the day he’s set to perform in Krakow, Poland.  And I think we all know rarely do good things come out of a stay in Krakow!


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