“I get more than double what I would be on otherwise as an athlete –
read into that what you will, but I am making more
from OnlyFans than I am from rowing at this stage.”   
– New Zealand rower Robbie Manson explains how he supports himself.  You know what they say –
support can be beautiful.  And you can see how beautiful on BillyMasters.com.

No time for chit-chat.  I’m ravenous, I’ve got jet lag, I’m watching the Closing Ceremonies, and somehow I’ve also scheduled a tryst with two insignificant others in about 20 minutes (give or take).  I don’t know if I’m coming or going…that’s what they said!

Let’s start with the Olympics.  I’m going to wade into choppy waters – although slightly cleaner than the Seine – and talk about gender.  I don’t believe athletes are separated because someone has a penis or a clitoris – or, in the case of some unfortunate countries, neither.  I believe they are separated because the abilities of one sex often outperform the other.  In that gymnastics event – you know, the one with a hoop and a stick with a string tied to it – women tend to do better.  In weightlifting, men have the advantage – except in rural Poland, where it’s often a draw.  Of course, the ancient Greeks didn’t even let women compete.  That’s because most events were held in the nude and, well…I don’t think the men wanted women around to ruin a good time.  But perhaps we’re getting to the point where everyone should compete together and let the chips fall where they may.  Of course, these views may be the very reason I was denied press credentials to the locker room of the men’s water polo team.

The gender issue came up several times during the Olympics, but was front and center in women’s boxing.  Italy’s Angela Carini abandoned a match with Algeria’s Imane Khelif midway for fear of her life.  Turns out, Khelif had been disqualified from the Women’s World Championships by the International Boxing Association in 2023.  Why?  The IBA claims that Khelif “failed to meet the eligibility criteria for participating in the women’s competition”.  This started rumors that Khelif is not a genetic female – although there is no evidence to support those allegations.  To avoid these sticky situations, you’d think that the International Olympic Committee would initiate gender testing – which it did until 1999.  IOC spokesperson Mark Adams told the press, “If we can find a consensus, and we will work towards consensus, we will certainly work to apply that clearly.  That’s not going to happen at these games.  But this is a question in all sports.  And I think we are open to listening to anyone with a solution to that question…The question you have to ask yourself is, ‘Are these athletes women?’  The answer is, ‘yes’, according to eligibility, according to their passports, according to their history.  If we start acting on every issue, every allegation that comes up, then we start having the kind of witch hunts that we’re having now.”

It should be noted that Khelif was ultimately victorious and won the women’s welterweight gold medal after defeating China’s Yang Liu in the 145-pound division.  While not germane to this story, that is my goal weight.

Not every Olympic headline is about a winner.  Take Campbell Harrison, an Australian rock climber.  He finished 19^th in the qualifying round, which meant he would not advance to the semifinals.  As he left the court (or whatever they call the boulders that rock climbers climb), he walked over to kiss his boyfriend Justin on the lips – a moment captured by the paparazzi.  The boulder might have gotten the better of him, but he’s still a winner in our book.

Nobody made more of a splash than Anthony Ammirati – the pole vaulter whose pole got more attention than his vault!  Hot off his disqualifying leap into history, he got an offer from the owner of CamSoda.  “As a lover of crotch-centric activities, I’d love to offer you up to $250,000 in exchange for a 60-minute webcam show, in which you show off your goods, minus the crossbar, of course.”  I’m troubled by “up to”.  Either make an offer or don’t.

If I may offer some unsolicited advice, I think that Ammirati might do better on his own – as proven by Matthew Mitcham.  The gold-medal diver from Australia claims to have done quite well with his OnlyFans page.  And he’s pretty candid that it’s been a smart financial move.  “I’ve invested a lot of time and effort in my body.  If people want to see it, I’d be stupid to give it away for free.”  See?  That’s where I made my mistake – I’ve always given it away for free!  But I also have loads (and I do mean loads) of Mitcham available for you on BillyMasters.com.

By the by, Mitcham has also weighed in on the trans issue.  In a video where he’s wearing a “Trans Dudes” T-shirt, he said, “Apparently we live in a world now where transphobic bullying has gotten so bad that it now extends to women who people deem to be too strong and muscly…at the Olympics of all places.  Like the Algerian boxer Imane Khelif has been bullied so mercilessly that it’s forced her own father to publicly release her birth certificate to prove that she was assigned female at birth.  That’s shocking.  Y’all need Jesus, honestly.”

When we’re worried about Zac Efron, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  You know who you should be worried about?  Poor Tom Cruise – risking life and limb at the Olympics, thisclose to collecting Social Security.  While I look into this, you can look into www.BillyMasters.com – the site that refuses to condone elder abuse.  If you have a question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I’ll get back to you before Kathleen is cast in a revival of Gypsy – wouldn’t she make a great Mazeppa?  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.