“Here is a sentence I never thought I’d hear myself saying:
I’m Pete Buttigieg, and you may recognize me from FOX News”   
– Pete Buttigieg at the Democratic National Convention.

When did so-called legitimate businesses become run like vendors in a Turkish bazaar?  Last week, I tried to transport a car from Boston to Fort Lauderdale.  Invariably, I’d get a quote, accept it, and pay a deposit.  Then I’d be told that trucks in the area would charge three times the quote – take it or leave it.  I’ve previously shipped cars all over this country, but I have never encountered such deceptive tactics as this.  While I was in negotiations, my family celebrated the birthday of Big Mama Masters – a woman known for getting her way.  She once made a street vendor cry in Rome after talking him down from one hundred thousand lira to $2.50 – which isn’t quite the jump you’d think.  Inspired, I decided to simply drive the car to Florida myself.  My first stop was Baltimore – for crab cakes.  The next stop was Savannah – for peach cobbler.  By the time I got to Florida, I was 20 pounds heavier and had a trunk filled with cobbler and crabs – all for half the original quote.  Take that, you shifty vendors!

While I was in Savannah eating my weight in peach cobbler, JD Vance was trying to get somebody – anybody – to wait on him in a Valdosta, GA donut shop.  At this point, you should be laughing your head off at: a) the image of JD Vance in a donut shop, 2) the setting of Valdosta, GA, iii) that Vance has purposely asked the press to eliminate the periods after both J and D – which I would have done anyway, but still… (three extra periods here, just because).  His intrepid team sent him to a donut shop where the lady at the counter refused to be on camera!  Needless to say, this made ordering a challenge.  Then JD didn’t seem to know what he wanted.  “We’re gonna do two dozen.  Just a random sort of stuff here.  It’ll be a lot of glazed here, some sprinkled stuff…whatever makes sense.”  You know what makes sense?  Knowing what kinda donuts you like!  Watching the video (which is on BillyMasters.com), I pictured Trump downing a dozen donuts right then and there!  Never trust a guy who doesn’t like donuts.