“The clown car can’t come into the White House at will.”   
– Susie Wiles, Donald Trump’s new Chief of Staff.

“What if the clown is in the White House?”   
– Joy Behar, co-host of The View.

Sure, you’re unhappy.  I get it.  As unhappy as you are, I guarantee you I can name someone even less happy – Melania!  Did you see that woman on election night?  “Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!”  Come to think of it, where has she been?  With Ivanka?  Or Shelly Miscavige?  Wherever she’s been staying, I’m confident she’s not planning on spending time in D.C.  But someone better keep an eye on Trump.  As crazy as he is, trust me when I say Vance is more dangerous. 

You know someone who is happy?  Ralph Brennan.  You don’t know him, but he was one of Trump’s campus coordinators from Michigan State – class of 2026.  Class of 2026!  My God, how old does that make him?  I don’t have my abacus handy, but I believe I can legally give him a handy!  Sure, he’s also crazy.  But he’s also kinda crazy hot – as straight college boys so often are.  But, shh, don’t tell him.  Eh, what the hell – go ahead and tell him.  Those guys always love attention from gay men!