Everyone’s been waiting with bated breath to see what Armie Hammer’s next move will be on the comeback trail.  Who would have ever thought he’d be playing a cannibal?  He appears in singer Georgie Leahy’s new music video for “Typical Squeeze” playing Kannibal Ken.  Well, Hammer does look like a Ken doll come to life (no offense to either of the Ryans), but still…

Dolls are always popular gifts for the holidays.  So in our latest installment of Billy’s Holiday Gift Giving Suggestions, we are delighted to feature a special Barbie – this one featuring a red-hot Rita Moreno in a replica of what she wore to the 1962 Oscars (where she won).  The spitfire, who just celebrated her 93^rd birthday, is in a black and gold gown, opera gloves, and an up-do.  This is the perfect gift for the special someone who loves his legendary ladies…or is a Barbie devotee.  Pick it up at Amazon for a cool $40 – with guaranteed delivery by Christmas (which probably includes Kwanzaa, Chanukah, the Winter Solstice, and any of those other holidays that include dancing naked around some rocks).

Say you have someone in your life who is a bit saucier.  What about one of those dolls inspired by the movie-musical version of Wicked?  And it’s worth extra if it lists the Wicked.com website, directing tykes to a straight porn site that I wouldn’t be caught dead frequenting.  This is a gift selection that is also ripped from the headlines.  Holly Ricketson from Edgefield County, South Carolina is suing Mattel because her little girl went to the site and is scarred for life.  While I kinda suspect this is the least scarring thing that has happened to the younger Ricketson, I can appreciate her mom’s litigious ingenuity.  While perhaps not germane to this story, there is a Holly Rebecca Ricketson from North Augusta, South Carolina who was arrested in 2017 for disorderly conduct.  This whole suit sounds like a case that could have been encouraged by a lawyer who might advertise on Fox and Friend.  

Once again, a perfect segue to our Ask Billy question.  Marcus in Dallas asks, “Why did Jonathan Bailey need a body double in Wicked?  And what do you know about this insanely hot guy?”

Sexy Tom Mather isn’t a body double like someone filling in for Bailey’s ass (hmm).  He’s actually an acclaimed dancer who has strutted his stuff on stage and screen.  But, yes, he’s an undeniable looker – both in clothes and out.  His torso has one of those ripped, smooth 8-packs that straight porn boys would kill for and most gay men seem to have naturally.  Not that I’m implying I know anything about Mather’s sexuality – not that it mathers (see what I did there?).  I’m told he did some of Fiyero’s more difficult dance moves – which he probably had some familiarity with since he appeared in the London production of Wicked.  He can currently be seen in Moulin Rouge! in the West End and has previously been the lead in Nutcracker (insert your own joke).  The next best thing to seeing him in person is checking out the loads of luscious snaps – in and out of his Fiyero boots – on BillyMasters.com.

When we’re dreaming of a nutcracker in thigh-high boots, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  You put him in Rita’s opera gloves and you definitely have a look to remember.  While visions of nuts cracking dance in my head, you can check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that doesn’t care where you pee – or if you film it, for that matter.  And if you need a question answered, I am delighted to be there whenever you need me – day, night, wee small hours, perhaps sharing an after-dinner drink in front of a blazing fireplace.  If you have something like that in mind, drop a note to me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Armie replaces Cathy Moriarty in I’ll Eat You Last – which I bet is quite a compliment from Kannibal Ken!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.