Rather than a typical Ask Billy segment, I’m gonna take issue with People Magazine.  Talk about the ol’ bait-and-switch.  The reputable rag just ran this headline – “ABC’s David Muir Pulls Back the Curtain on His Life Off Camera and How He Feels About His ‘Daddy’ Status”.  Well, you all know what we’re expecting – the big, inevitable coming-out interview.  Even the subheadline teased it: “Viewers know Muir as the most-watched anchor in America, but now he’s opening up to People about the side fans don’t often see.”  Now, I am far from naïve.  I didn’t take their promise literally.  I assumed we weren’t gonna get a photo of him in a jock strap.  And I was surely not expecting stories about slings or butt plugs.  He’s not Stephen Sondheim!  I didn’t even expect him to express his unrequited love for Rob Marciano!  But I still clicked on the story.  And the accompanying photo did include a dog collar – around the neck of David’s dog!  Meanwhile, David’s lips were so clenched, I got lockjaw.

I think our collective disappointment was best summed up in an e-mail from Art in Seattle: “This article doesn’t mention anything except he loves his dog and they sat around looking for a beaver (I kid you not).” 

When we’re waiting for Muir to be anywhere near a beaver, we better get comfortable and end yet another column.  I was thinking about the similarity between Patti LuPone and Kathy Griffin.  Both are big-mouthed broads (in the best sense of the term) who say it like it is.  They’re awfully popular when things are going well.  But when they inevitable step in it, their “friends” seem to scatter.  Well, you won’t find that on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that is loyal to a fault!  And if you find fault with that, send a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before my flying companions discover Izora wasn’t an island on our flight path.  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.