Many of you sent in similar Ask Billy questions.  The first in my pouch was from Harry in Chicago, who asked, “Who is that cute boy from that TV court show being sued by his father for the cost of conversion therapy?”

Brace yourself – he’s an actor!  The incident in question took place on Equal Justice with Judge Eboni K. Williams.  All the people on the show are actors, and not particularly good ones (ditto for the writers).  And before you ask, Eboni ain’t no judge – but she is a lawyer.  The incident before the “judge” concerns a father who sent his son to conversion therapy.  The son stopped going, so dad is suing his son for the $6K bill.  The son (called Michael Talbert in this dramatization) recounted the sessions.  “They said that I was cursed, said that I was going to hell, and called all of us there monsters, that we were unworthy, and that we needed the program to fix ourselves.”  That’s when Judge Eboni left the bench to go and hold Michael’s hand – if this were Caso Cerrado, they’d also be playing a beautiful song (and it would also be in Spanish).  “Young man,” said Judge Eboni, “You are not cursed.  You are as loved and as worthy, Michael, as your father, your mother, and everyone else who gets the privilege to reside on this earth, young man.  I don’t care what your daddy says.  I don’t care what some stupid conversion therapy says, which is nothing but a bunch of hoopla and a scam and a money-grab for young, vulnerable men like yourself.  I see you.  You are valuable.  And Michael – you are perfect.  You are perfect in the eyes of God.”  Cut!  Print it!  Send that tape to the Emmy Nominating Committee!  If you can’t wait, you can watch every melodramatic moment on BillyMasters.com.

When I’m judging TV “judges”, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  You know what?  I’ve been David Geffen.  Ich bin ein Geffen.  I may not have beauty or riches to trade.  But, damnit, I’m Billy Masters and you can read me on BillyMasters.com – the site that won’t ask for a prenup!  If you have a question for me to ponder (or pounder), send it to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Kate Jackson’s bangs grow out.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.